Someone Like You
by Mr G and Me
Summary: Australian Bella meets Forks Edward, and considering her background, and his reputation, she struggles to comprehend why he bothers her so much. Edward is a douche, but for once in his life, getting into a girl's pants isn't the first thing on his mind. Alternating POVs. AH HS. COMPLETE.
1. Prologue

**A/N:**** Okay, ****this isn't really a prologue, just an insert from one of the later chapters. I decided to add a prologue after it was complete, but by that stage, I was so hung over from writing it the thought of adding another word made me want to go fetal. But, hey then I went and wrote a sequel. Go figure. Masochism and me. . .**

**MWAH xoxo**

* * *

**Prologue**

**Bella's POV **

How the hell could I love someone who made me so mad?

Again he didn't smirk, or give me the amused-by-my-accent smile; he folded his arms across his chest snorting to himself cynically. "Bella, Rach told me you used to do this your entire life—defend your mother, despite everything she did to you."

This jolted me, and I froze, suddenly so angry I began shaking. Taking an unsteady breath, I began, my tone low and trembling, "Just because you spent two weeks in Australia with my friends, and witnessed ten minutes of my mother doesn't mean you know _FUCK ALL ABOUT MY LIFE_!" I yelled, before turning swiftly away from him, my chest tight and heaving as I angrily swatted the tears from my eyes. "Fuck you, Edward."

"Great," was all I heard him mutter from behind me.

I turned back to him, rigid and rapidly losing my composure. "I never asked you to be my knight in shining armour!"

For the briefest moment his expression piqued before it immediately hardened. "What the hell do you want from me, Bella? Not to give a shit about you? No one has _ever_ been your knight in shining armour—that's your whole problem."

"The only problem I have is YOU. I don't know you at all—and now it's clear to me why I NEVER WANTED TO!" I was yelling again, completely losing control, while angry tears continued to well in my eyes. I took two steps toward the door, ready to push past him, when he reached out and grabbed me, stopping me from taking a further step.

I tried to shrug him off, but he held me tighter. "Okay, _fine, Bella_. Tell me exactly how I've got it wrong about your father. I want to hear it." His tone was seeped with sarcasm.

"Let me go!" I demanded, struggling further against him.

He did, before he burst, "Just FUCKING TELL ME!"

"Why? So you can ridicule me—patronise me?" I attempted to elbow him out of the way, but he seemed to anticipate me.

Stepping away from me, he leaned up against his door folding his arms again, cockily, completely blocking me from leaving. "You came here to _explain your father,_ so do it already! I'm not letting you leave until you do."

"You are such an asshole!" I huffed.

This time he did smirk, putting some of that damn bloody charm into it for good measure.


	2. Leaving Home

**A/N: Yeah, it was yanked again, apparently for child abuse scenes, but when I contacted FFn admin they said it was fine. *sighs* what a hassle. So , here we are again.  
****Just a quick recap: Bella's Australian; she talks like a regular Australian girl would. So please don't PM me or review telling me that it's not how Australians speak and that I have terrible spelling. Yes, I have been told this before. Made me doubt that I was really born in "straya" ;)  
I didn't want Bella to sound like an Aussie slang dictionary spewed her out, so I made her speak exactly how I do. I can be a tad bogan—sometimes.  
Anywho 4****th**** times a charm—or is it 5****th****? Hell, I dunno….**

* * *

**Chapter 1.**

**Leaving Home**

Bella's POV

We met in the stables at Kel's property. Being around horses was always a part of who we were, and it had always been the place where we'd confessed our secrets and dreams to each other.

It seemed only fitting that it was the place where we would say good-bye.

"This is it, Bells," Nummi spoke up first, trying in vain to replace her obvious heart ache with optimism. She only half succeeded, and as tears welled in her eyes, a warm smile, full of encouragement, spread across her face. "But it's going to be awesome."

I nodded glumly, not feeling as optimistic, while the smile I'd been trying to maintain turned sad as I met her gaze.

"Yeah…" I whispered, afraid that anything louder would unleash my tears prematurely. I couldn't cry—not yet.

There was still so much to say…

Breaking my gaze hastily, she clumsily wiped her eyes, before shoving her hands in the pockets of her jeans.

It was unbearable, and looking down at my feet miserably, I sighed for the infinite time that morning, continuing to fight desperately to hold back the grief that was waiting to crush me.

Nummi, Rach and Kel were the three pieces of my heart—the three reasons why I was still breathing in this world. Why I had lasted seventeen years. They weren't just my best friends, but my family; the only family I'd ever known. I owed them more than they would ever know—more than I could ever repay—and I loved them more than my own life.

They'd been there every day of my life, getting me through one day after another, that I honestly had no idea how I was supposed to leave them behind. The idea was literally unfathomable and was beginning to fill me with a suffocating panic.

By the time I met Nummi's gaze again, her tears were spilling silently down her face as she smiled bravely through them.

Swallowing hard past the burning in my throat, I glanced hastily at Rach.

"Hey, we'll chat everyday on Facebook—and besides, you won't have time to miss us," Rach added in almost a dismissive tone, only her voice was wavering.

I nodded, this time with a sense of growing anxiety. "Every day," I insisted, while Rach's brow suddenly bunched heavily, as she struggled to hold back her tears. It was so rare for her that I half expected her to become frustrated by it, but she didn't.

When I turned to Kel, she smiled, her expression determined … but stricken.

My heart was breaking.

"It's gonna be ok, Bella. This is the best thing that could ever happen to you. You'll see," Kel spoke up full of reassurance, only her tone was choked and thick with emotion.

It was Kel who insisted I do this. It was Kel who made me see that I _had _to do it. She'd been there with me from the very beginning; she knew me inside out, and knew every sordid detail about Renee. She was going to be the hardest to say goodbye to.

I only nodded again, unable to share her confidence, because I honestly didn't think I could do this, and it seemed so incredibly unfair that I had to.

"Bella, you'll be having such a great time that you won't have time to get home sick. Remember how happy you were the last time you visited?" Nummi reminded me in a fractured attempt at enthusiasm.

But this time I wasn't just visiting…

"I remember…"I replied, my voice catching and dropping to a husky whisper as the tears brimming in my eyes spilled over.

Kel threw her arms around me before speaking to me firmly—resolutely, "Don't worry about us, Bells. Just be happy—promise me!"

I closed my eyes; the tears continued to fall beneath my lashes. "I can't do that," I sobbed, as my chest jerked through the pain. "I can't."

"You _can_, Bella!" It was Rach this time, as she wrapped her arms around me; just as Nummi did the same.

I shook my head over and over.

"They'll _love_ you, Bella, because for the first time in your life they will see who you really are, and not as just _Renee Dwyer's_ daughter. Trust me," Rach insisted, seeming to get on top of her tears; appearing annoyed by their presence.

It seemed unfathomable that anyone would ever see me as anything but Renee Dwyer's daughter; as the illegitimate child of the town whore and closet drunk.

"It's true, Bells," Nummi agreed, pressing a sloppy, tear streaked kiss on my cheek. "They'll see who we see every day."

"Oh, God—stop it," I mumbled feeling my face flush, and not knowing if I was more embarrassed than I was heartbroken, before scrunching up my nose to show how much of a contradiction it was to the truth. There wasn't anything out of the ordinary about me. I was just me; average Bella Swan.

"Oh suck it up, girl. It's gonna happen whether you like it or not!" Kel broke into a chuckle, wiping her tears quickly away before her tone teasingly feigned authority. "And if I find out you're acting like a sook over there, I'm going to get on the first plane and kick your ass!"

Almost chuckling, I nodded quickly, smiling at her affectionately before the misery could engulf me again.

"I love you guys," I admitted softly. My tears held off until those words were out of my mouth, before I dropped my head into my hands and completely surrendered to them; to the burning ache in my chest.

I felt their arms enclose around me more tightly, and even when I was completely inconsolable, they continued to encourage me until there were no more words left; until there was nothing but tears.

They were my past, my yesterday; all I had in this world. They'd kept the fragmented pieces of me together, kept me moving forward for seventeen years, and tomorrow they'd be gone.

I had to keep telling myself repeatedly why I was leaving—why I _had _to leave. Why I'd run away to Sydney when I knew The General's ship was docking, to beg him to help me get away from her. Because right at this moment _none of it_ seemed worth this amount of pain.

"Go," Kel said to me, shoving me gently towards the doors, after it was obvious I was stalling. "Go, Bells, and don't look back."

But I did.

They stood together like they always did. I absorbed the image of them, cementing it in my mind, before I trudged back to Renee's, carrying the pain of it with me the entire way.

I would leave a piece of myself behind with them, and the Bella that began her new life on the other side of the world would be a vastly different person because of it.

**...**

They'd pooled their money together and bought me a white gold chain that held a little angel wing pendant. I put it on the minute I got home, my hands fumbling through my tears, making sure it was safely concealed beneath my jacket. I wouldn't give Renee an opportunity to take it from me, like she had everything else.

Not this time.

Kel had also given me our tenth grade class photo. I had no school photos of my own; Renee never bought them. She was never bothered enough to be interested in things like school photos like most mothers were. She was never bothered enough to be interested in me_—_with anything other than resentment, that is.

Stubbornly wiping the tears from my face that were beginning to stem from self-pity, I zipped up my suitcase and hauled it off the bed beside me. It was surprisingly light considering it held my entire life's possessions, but it didn't bother me this time. Apart from the guys, the less reminders I had of this life the better.

At eleven that morning I was boarding a train to Sydney, before flying to Los Angeles, and then on to a connecting flight to Port Angeles, Washington.

All on my own.

I tried not to allow myself to become overwhelmed by the magnitude of it, but if I was being honest with myself, and that was only a novel idea at best, it was scaring the absolute life out of me.

I was on the verge of contemplating another emotional meltdown when Renee strode in my room. Without knocking, as usual.

"Bella—"my mother had an extraordinary talent of speaking my name with absolute disdain"—Phil said he'll take you—and you know I have my poker game with the girls at 12." Her tone suddenly turned dark and resentful.

I'd bribed her to take me to the train station—promising to pay her after she dropped me off. She would have never agreed otherwise, but I knew it was still pissing her off to the point I was forced to sleep in the barn the night before. Renee's jealousy was a lot more dangerous than her intoxication.

Though, why I even wanted her to take me at all was one of the pivotal reasons I needed to leave.

Blinking, I suddenly wanted to scream at her, "_don't fucking bother then_!", but I shouldn't have been surprised. There wasn't much Renee could do to surprise me anymore, but this was an exception. Her complete disregard for the fact that I was leaving hurt me more than I would ever admit. Her indifference to me had always been the biggest source of pain for me—more than the physical abuse. All I ever craved from her was her love, and all I received in return was resentment and cruelty. I knew, only too well, how close it had come to breaking me.

This was why I was leaving; why Kel _made_ me do it.

"You don't have to go, Renee, but since I am leaving the country and—" I mumbled in reply, my voice small and meek, making me want to grit my teeth in frustration.

"_Fine!_ I'll come then!" she snapped in interruption, huffing brashly with growing irritation.

As much as I wanted to tell her to go fuck herself, my level of bravery where she was concerned bordered on cowardice at best. It always had. There was a very significant, pitiful part of me that would never stop yearning for her love and acceptance, and I knew as long as I was under her roof, I would never stop trying to earn it from her.

I hoped that one particular character defect of mine where Renee was concerned would stay behind in this dismal room of her house where I grew up, long after I left.

**...**

"I noticed you took everything, Bella. _Why_?" Renee demanded, as we sat in Phil's 4WD on the way to the train station.

Did she think I was coming back?

I shrugged to myself, but didn't offer a reply; though, inside I wanted to smirk.

She only scoffed to herself sarcastically, making me shrink further into myself. I knew her moods, and what made her snap; I wasn't out of danger just yet.

_Just 5 minutes more. Don't piss her off_, I told myself inwardly, closing my eyes and sighing heavily.

Almost there…

Of course, I knew she was referring to all the stuff The General had sent me; the jewellery, the perfume, and the handbags. They were never things I really had a lot of interest in, but the fact that they made Renee green with envy gave me a lot of satisfaction. His gifts were just one of the reasons why my very presence in her life caused her so much resentment—and the fact that I resembled my father so much. It was one of the few small pleasures I got out of our twisted relationship—this was despite the numerous beatings I'd received because of them—but as much as it gave me a reason to triumph over her, it was the opposite of what I really wanted from him.

The General was how I referred to my father. Of course, he wasn't really a General, but a Rear Admiral in the U.S. Navy. Eighteen years ago, Lieutenant—at the time—Charlie Swan was a ticket in Renee's deluded and naïve mind to a better life. Someone to see the beauty she was convinced she possessed, fall in love with her and take her away from the small country town that she always believed was beneath her.

I could picture it clearly in my mind just as I had hundreds of times; Renee, over dressed as usual, wearing her hideous bright orange lipstick, waiting on the docks, scrutinising each and every male that stepped off the ship. The sap who noticed her was my father. My father, who, like every other sailor stepping on to dry land, wasn't thinking much about rescuing deluded Australian damsels—not that night, at least.

I scoffed to myself, aghast that Renee and I actually shared the same DNA, and in doing so attracted _Phil's_ attention.

"What was that, Izzy?" he asked, glancing at me through the rear view mirror and winking.

Another reason why I had to leave. I might not have been the most experienced seventeen year old on the planet, but I knew that look all right!

_My name is not Izzy, you wanker_, I wanted to yell at him, but of course I never would. Just because it was my last day as Renee's daughter, didn't mean she wouldn't slap my _smartass __face_ for offending her man.

"_Bella_! My name is _Bella_!" was my angry reply, not bothering to hide the absolute aversion I felt for him from my tone.

I hated him. Out of all Renee's men, he was the worst; he made my skin crawl.

"I know," he drawled, winking again.

He only continued to smirk at me, making me wish I had a pencil to stab in his eyes.

_Just five minutes more, _I told myself inwardly and repeatedly, massaging my forehead with the tips of my fingers, knowing the letch was still leering at me.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I kept myself in denial. I was good at that.

**...**

"You should be grateful that you're getting this opportunity—God knows you don't deserve it," Renee said behind her press powder compact as we stood on the platform waiting for the train. Phil had gone to the bottle-o to pick up some alcohol for the little shindig they were throwing later that night. I had a paranoid suspicion it was a celebration for Renee having successfully gotten rid of me, and it made me want to start laughing bitterly. "What I would have given to have gone overseas at your age," she continued, her tone cold, her envy obvious.

She was envious, all right. I had the fading bruise on my cheekbone as proof; though of course, she had told everyone in town—who were gullible enough to believe her—that I'd got it in a school fight. It was laughable at best. I didn't get into school fights, and though a lot of kids had a serious problem with me—usually because Renee had slept her way through most of their fathers—they weren't game to lay a finger on me while Rach was around.

Shaking these thoughts from my mind, I held steadfast to the knowledge of her jealousy and smirked to myself. I didn't care if she noticed. Renee never hit me in full view of the public and risk her carefully crafted reputation, and there'd be no repercussions for me tonight. Not this night or any night after.

As it was, she hadn't noticed; she was distracted by angling the mirror of her compact to perv on a couple of guys that were sitting on the seats behind us. Judging from the flirtatious little grin and wink she threw, I was guessing that she'd caught their attention. They wolf-whistled back at her, and that was enough to lift her spirits considerably.

She threw me a smug, triumphant grin, obviously believing she had one over me again. I wanted to snort loudly; it was evidence enough just how well she knew me. If she ever saw me as more than the abysmal mistake—she'd never shied away from telling me I was—she'd know I had no interest what's so ever in competing with her for men.

Snapping her compact shut, she tossed her permed hair over her shoulder—for the obvious benefit of her two bogan admirers—continuing to smile to herself more than pleased.

I sighed deeply to myself beneath my breath, wishing I could erase the image of my mother flirting like a complete slag and expecting me to be jealous, during our final moments as mother and daughter.

"You think you can still help me out money wise!" Again it was a demand.

I nodded like the coward I was, while internalising all my frustration, even as I felt my face bunch in irritation.

That's all I had ever been to her: a meal ticket.

"God knows, Bella, it has not been easy being a single mother to a skulky kid like you, but I've done my best without asking for anything in return." She sniffed, dabbing at the corner of her eye with the knuckle of her little finger to wipe her non-existent tears.

This time, I felt myself stiffen indignantly, while my mouth all but fell open.

The train arrived—much to my overwhelming relief.

Still affected from her last admission, I picked up my suitcase. I'd seen her _sacrificial mother _act on numerous occasions, and the only thing that stopped me from shoving her in front of the oncoming train was the knowledge that I'd never again have to be subjected to it.

Clearing her throat, she glanced over her shoulder, searching for Phil, or her two admirers, I couldn't tell which. "So, Bella, this is it. Don't be late for the plane. I _won't_ be coming all the way to Sydney to get you if you miss it."

I only blinked, feeling the continued stinging effects of her disregard, before I again entertained the thought of shoving her in front of the train. And as the image of her sprawled on the tracks a mess of dyed red hair and thigh-high, vinyl boots came to my mind, I smirked, almost chuckling.

"Oh—you think that's funny?!" she snapped impatiently, and I almost impulsively flinched away from the slap she would normally have delivered if we were at home. "Where's my money, anyway!" she challenged me, suddenly grabbing my arm and pulling me to directly face her.

Reaching into my pocket, I grabbed the 50 dollar note and shoved it into her outstretched hand.

"You said you'd pay me one hundred!" she seethed between clenched teeth, yanking me closer to her.

"I gave the other 50 to Phil," I protested, weakly, instinctively cringing away from her.

She only glared at me for a moment, gauging me closely, before releasing me with absolute contempt. "Just go!"

Almost stumbling, I reached down to grab my suitcase again, blinking back the burning of forming tears behind my eyes. I wasn't sure whether it was a product of her last cutting remark, or because I was about to step on the train and leave. All I knew for certain was how pathetically pitiful I was that I would never be able to shrug off her aversion for me.

"Well … goodbye," I offered, taking a shaky breath, and meeting her cold, hard gaze.

"Goodbye," Her tone was completely indifferent, before she done something that completely surprised me. Leaning in she quickly air-kissed my cheek.

Perhaps she really meant to kiss my face and only didn't because of the fact that again, by instinct, I'd flinched away from her. I wasn't sure, but as my hand rose involuntarily to cover the spot where her lips had almost touched my skin, I was pretty certain it was the first time she'd ever attempted to kiss me.

I almost physically wavered, before quickly and impatiently I shoved it away.

"Good luck, Renee, and with Phil also. You two deserve each other." It was my _intention _to sound sincere, but I was suddenly feeling pissed off. Pissed off at this poor excuse for a mother before me, and her poor excuse for a goodbye.

Catching the real meaning behind my words, she sneered at me, her eyes narrowing, before she turned her back on me and walked away.

And that was it.

Stepping onto the train, lugging my suitcase behind me, I found a seat facing the opposite side of the platform, sat down clumsily, then dropped my head into my hands and broke into bitter, pitiful tears.

Let the passengers think I was crying because I was leaving my mother. Let them think we were close the way mothers and daughters were supposed to be. Let them think I was going to be homesick every minute that I was away. Because the idea that complete strangers were mistaking my tears was a league better than the reality. My mother never loved me, and in all honesty, could care less that I was leaving.

…

It took me a lot longer than it really should have to recover from our farewell, but I had nothing else to do on the five hour trip to Sydney but wallow in self-pity, and allow myself to be consumed by panic.

_What if it made no difference?_ I suddenly feared. _What if I would always be known as Renee Dwyer's daughter no matter where I was in this world?_

After a while, and several tissues from the well-meaning old lady in the seat opposite me, I snapped myself angrily out of it.

I was leaving this God forsaken, drought ridden, one horse town, _and _Renee and Phil, and starting a new life. I should have been happy—excited, but I wasn't. I sat too engulfed by fear of the unknown, and too used to an existence of abuse to be able to maintain hope or optimism.

Even still, I knew I was doing the right thing. I couldn't survive another week as things were. I was suffocating, and the oxygen that Nummi, Kel and Rach had given me with their friendship had kept me just on the brink of life. I was existing, but I was dying. Dying the way a flower does when it gets no sunlight; dying because I had lived under the toxic roof of an alcoholic, abusive parent who had never shown me an ounce of love.

If it wasn't for the girls in the end, I would never have found the backbone to contemplate such a thing. But they had given me the courage to confront my father and plead with him to take me away, anywhere, so long as it was far from my mother. I'd sat on a train in near identical circumstances that time too, terrified beyond belief as I ran away to Sydney to see him.

I suddenly scoffed bitterly to myself, knowing I hadn't technically run away, because the term '_running away'_, would only apply if one was missed. Renee wouldn't have noticed I was gone; especially, while her cupboards were "well stocked".

My father's ship had only docked in Sydney overnight for fuel—or whatever it was that aircraft carriers needed to dock for. I'd almost bloody missed it. I'd run three blocks and explained, flushed and over excited to the naval guard that I was Rear Admiral, Charlie Swan's daughter and that I needed to speak to him urgently. I'd tried to remain calm, but still, he had eyed me sceptically, asking me to provide identification. I'd fumbled for my wallet, practically upending the contents of my purse on the pavement in my haste to get my driver's licence out. I handed it to him, and he studied it, still dubious as he eyed me, the photo on the card, then me, then the photo, over and over.

I was on the verge of having a hysteria-induced aneurysm, when he finally spoke something into his earpiece and led me on board.

I was left in a small cabin to wait for my father, and as soon as he entered, with a concerned, weary look shining in his eyes, I broke down and threw myself into his arms. He was always very serious and intimidating with all the authority that oozed from him, but he was my father, and I knew he loved me. His first love was the sea, but I was a close second.

I explained it all to him, every wretched detail that was my life with Renee, the abuse; the beatings; the alcohol—all of it. I was careful to stay composed and coherent knowing him enough to understand that hysterical female ramblings made him uncomfortable and impatient. After all, I'd seen it fail for Renee plenty of times in the past where he was concerned.

"Please, Charlie, I can't stay with her any longer. I can't!" I'd broken down at the end, but by the time I'd finished my story, I didn't think he'd begrudge me a few tears.

He sighed deeply and scratched his forehead, where the weary lines were etching deeper. "Okay, Isabella"—he was the only one that called me that, and it was always okay with me—"I'll take care of it. Leave it with me."

And he did. He'd arranged for me to go and live with his brother in Washington, U.S.A.

The train jolted and I realised as Charlie's face was still clear in my mind that I was smiling sadly. I barely got to see my father once a year, and I missed him.

I always suspected he had wanted me in the U.S. away from Renee. When I was little, he talked her into letting me come for a holiday—with a great amount of cash, I might add. I'd had such a great time—you would have been surprised by the difference a bit of love could make in a kid—that once I was home my constant chirpy mood and nonstop chatter had pissed off Renee so much she forbade all future holidays. Though, I suspected she was never going to let me go back out of nothing but spite and envy.

I was almost certain that if Renee hadn't received her rather sizable child maintenance from Charlie every month, she would have given up custody of me to him years ago. As it was now that I was seventeen, she was no longer receiving a penny, and all his _child maintenance _was now going into my bank account.

I snorted softly to myself and smirked, enjoying the perverse feeling it gave me. I'd received more beatings than I could count by Renee demanding the money he'd given me. I never relented, always insisting that he wasn't sending me a cent. Eventually, after she'd claimed Youth Allowance on my behalf—keeping all of it—she stopped beating me for The General's money.

It was completely twisted, but the only thing that kept me from throwing up, was keeping Renee constantly in my thoughts, and by the time the train arrived at the Sydney international airport, I was emotionally and physically exhausted. Add to that another three hours in the airport, and fifteen hours in the air, and by the time I arrived in Los Angeles, I was dead on my feet.

I wasn't able to sleep on the plane. By the time it took off, I was all adrenalin and nerves. Plus, fifteen hours was too long a time to contemplate the ludicrous idea that huge, metal, man-made contraptions really had no business thousands of feet in the air. After that, every little bump that the plane made caused me to have a series of minor strokes. Trying to console myself with the fact that a Qantas plane had never gone down did nothing to ease my fears; because with my luck, I reasoned, the first time it did would be when I was on board.

The plane did not go down in flames; it brought me safely to the next part of my destination, and to the United States.

Once I got through the ordeal of customs, I stumbled over to a row of chairs, let my suitcase drop to my feet, and collapsed in a heap of unwashed hair and exhaustion. I had two and a half hours before the plane to Washington took off, but if I was able to pull myself up out of this chair again, it'd be a miracle.

I only sat numbly, too exhausted and too daunted to attempt to sleep, watching the planes come and go dejectedly, when a tall shadow fell over me.

"Bella? Is that you?"

Practically jumping out of my skin, I looked up hastily, squinting, trying to refocus my eyes. A tall—_very tall—_boy was standing in front of me grinning broadly with an over-emphasized, bright expression on his face.

"H-huh?" I stammered blankly in response.

"It's me…." He let his voice trail off and paused, allowing me the time to recognise him. When it was clear I didn't, he enlightened me, "Jacob!"

As my expression slowly went from bewilderment to recognition, before finally to shock, he laughed.

My memories of Jacob were vague and hazy. The only time I had met him, was during my one and only trip to the United States with Charlie. I was eight and he was seven.

I sat myself upright in the chair with a start. "Oh … w-what are you doing here? Wasn't I suppose to meet you and Unc—your dad in Washington?" I stuttered, shaking my head to myself, trying to establish some form of coherent thought.

"_Your _dad bought me a ticket to meet you here and to fly home again with you. I think he was worried about you being in this airport," he explained, before looking around himself in obvious appreciation. "It's huge, that's for sure."

All I could manage in reply was an exhausted half smile, before expelling my breath with overwhelming relief. I was tired of being alone and was plagued with exhaustion driven despondency. Plus, Jacob would more than likely come in handy when it came time to fireman lift me onto the plane.

He laughed again. "I think you need a coffee. There's a Starbucks around the corner, do you want to grab one?"

"A … a Starbucks?" I repeated blankly, before feeling a surge of self-conscious heat flush my face. Obviously it was a coffee shop. What the hell difference did it matter what the name of it was? I _seriously_ needed caffeine!

"Yeah … you haven't heard of … Starbucks?" Jacob asked, raising an eyebrow and looking like he was on the verge of breaking into laughter again.

"Well … I've heard of it. I've seen it on television ..." I mumbled in reply as my cheeks burned hotter. It was a lie.

Jacob only laughed as though I'd just told him a ridiculously funny joke.

"Come on," he said with a grin, his tone turning warm, before reaching down and pulling me a little roughly to my feet. He then grabbed my suitcase, hauling it three feet off the ground in his grip—as though it contained feathers instead of my entire worldly possessions.

_He's the bloody hulk and he has no clue of it,_ I thought with a small smile as I walked—if that's what you could call it—with Jacob towards the cafe. I was so tired I relied on his steadying arm more than my own feet.

"Wow, you really need sleep, huh?" Jacob chuckled, after his numerous efforts at keeping me upright were still failing.

I gazed up at him, taking in his massive form. I didn't remember him being so big when we were kids.

"That I do," I answered, returning his smile, sheepishly.

The extra strong coffee that I ordered, and almost choked on, gave me an immediate, and badly needed, burst of energy. I found myself laughing and chatting easily with Jacob until the final minutes before we had to board the plane. I warmed instantly to him—it was almost impossible not to; he practically radiated the sun. As we went through several hot coffees, he told me a lot about Forks. It seemed like a nice place, small town, probably not unlike the one I'd just left, but with a hell of a lot more rain, _and _with the huge exception of no Renee.

And no Nummi, Rach and Kel….

**...**

"It's a couple of hours till we reach Port Angeles, you should try and sleep," Jacob suggested once we were seated and waiting for the plane to take off.

"I don't think I'll be able to, but I'll be ok," I replied rubbing my itchy, heavy eyes in attempt to improve my already blurred vision. I might not have been able to sleep, but that wasn't to say I wouldn't fall unconscious. I feared I wasn't going to last much longer.

Jacob only laughed again, warmly.

He seemed to get amused very easily, I noted—not that I minded. His cheerfulness was contagious and refreshing, and I was able to absorb it as a distraction from my exhaustion, and before I was aware of it, in the late afternoon, we landed in Washington.

"So, Bella, I hope you've got a warmer coat than the one you've got on, or you're going to freeze," Jacob stated, leaning toward me a fraction, his lips tugging askew, as we waited for the seat belt sign to switch off.

What I was wearing was hardly a coat; it was more of a light jacket. But in my ignorance I was sure it would be sufficient enough for rainy weather. After all, when it rained in one-horse-town, New South Wales—which wasn't often—the humidity went through the roof.

I shook my head blankly, while my face prickled again self-consciously. "This is all I have…."

Chuckling, he shook his head to himself. "You'd better buy a decent one when we get into the airport."

Uncle Billy, Jacob's father, was waiting as we stepped off the plane. I recognised him immediately from his obvious resemblance to The General, as well as from my vague childhood memories—minus the greying tips of his dark hair.

He grabbed me in a big bear hug, something that was very foreign to me, and I fought hard to keep myself from tensing. The General had too much of a stiff upper lip, and I'd learnt to avoid Renee's _men _like the plague when I was very young.

"Bella, you've grown so much, I hardly recognised you," he said with a gruff affection.

_Chief_ Billy Swan was a tall man like Jacob and my father, with a kind, weather worn, stern looking face. And just as he resembled my father, he emanated as much authority.

Placing a protective, fatherly hand on my back as we walked, he guiding me to the baggage area.

Again, Jacob grabbed my suitcase as if it was empty before we went in search of a clothing store.

I bought a coat, a parka, several wool jumpers, two beanies and mittens—everything that Billy suggested—and once we were out of the store Jacob laughingly helped me to put half of them on. He pulled layer after layer over my head as I laughed in good nature, but still, as soon as we walked outside the cold hit me like a freight train.

"Holy sh-sh-sh-shit!" I exclaimed impulsively, reeling backwards from the suffocating pain of the ice cold air filling my lungs. It was March; not a day ago I was breathing in the dry, thirty-six (96.8 F) degree heat of inland New South Wales.

Billy cleared his throat, his expression puckering a little disapprovingly.

I felt my cheeks stain with heat—that disappeared instantly in the freezing temperature. "S-Sorry," I murmured, with chattering teeth, wrapping my arms around myself in a vain attempt to stay warm.

"It's ok, Bella," Jacob reassured me, flashing me a mischievous grin.

I attempted to grin back, but it came out as a grimace, which Jacob seemed to find more amusing.

This kind of cold was something I had never experienced before in my life. It was paralysing, penetrating through my layers of clothes and seeping through my skin. My lungs burned and my limbs locked up as I attempted to walk the one hundred or so metres to Uncle Billy's car.

Eventually, with continued laughter, Jacob half dragged, half carried me the distance.

Once inside the car I relaxed and let the warmth from the heating thaw out my frozen limbs, as I gazed out the window at my new surroundings from the back seat of Billy's Police car.

To say that Washington was green was a massive understatement. It was so green that even the air seemed to be tinged with it. It rained from the moment we'd touched down, and would pour on and off in a way that I had not seen for years. But I loved it. It gave me a cosy, sleepy feeling and was so foreign from everything I had ever known.

Which was exactly what I was depending on.

After a while, the scenery outside began to blur together into different tones of green as my eyes fell heavily. I listened to the comforting sound of Jacob's animated chatter in the background, and allowed the humming of the car to lull me to sleep.

**...**

"We're home, Bella!" Jacob's voice invaded my near unconscious mind loudly. He nudged me roughly awake, but it was the ice cold wind that swept through the opened car door that snapped me fully awake. A violent shudder ran up and down my spine, as I all but stuttered out a barrage of shock-induced expletives.

_Bloody hell_!

Would I ever get accustomed to this cold?

Billy's house had not changed since the last time I'd been here. It was as if time had stood still, waiting for me to catch up with it. And as he ushered me inside, more and more memories came back to me, broadening the smile that was spreading across my face. I didn't realise it would be so familiar to me.

"So? What do you think, Bella?" Jake asked with enthusiasm, plonking my suitcase on the ground with a heavy thud.

Nodding, my smile turned sincere. "I love it, Jacob."

I did. After all, it was going to be my first ever _real_ home.

Billy directed me to the room that was at the top of the stairs, as Jacob followed with my suitcase. It had previously belonged to his twin daughters, who I vaguely remembered, as Billy explained their whereabouts. One was away at University while the other had just recently married.

I shuddered at the very idea of it. Jacob, obviously catching my meaning, nodded in silent agreement.

Inside the room was all purple and girly with several posters of teenage boys that I was unfamiliar with. Again I found myself smiling before I was aware of my reaction to it. It didn't matter what it looked like; I would never find fault with it.

Billy remained in the doorway. "You're going to have to share a bathroom with Jake, if that's okay, Bella? It's just down the hall."

"No, that's fine, U-Uncle … Billy," I stammered, feeling stupid and uncertain by how I should address him.

He chuckled warmly. "You don't have to call me 'uncle', Bella. Billy will do just fine."

I nodded, my smile turning affectionate just as my throat began to choke with sudden emotion. Blinking, I forced it back, associating it with my incredible exhaustion and knowing I wasn't anywhere near the right frame of mind at that moment to delve deeper into it.

Billy cleared his throat, his eyes darting away from mine, reminding me suddenly of The General. "Well, I'm sure you'd like to unpack and have a shower. We might just leave you to it then."

"Yeah … I'm buggered, actually. I might just see if I can sleep for a bit," I mumbled, my voice cracking. I was so far and beyond exhausted I didn't think there was a word for it, and I was desperately craving the oblivion of sleep.

Nodding, Billy offered me a gentle smile, before shoving Jacob out of the way, who looked like he wanted to stay, he closed the door behind them.

I was left alone in my new room, in my new home; in my new life with the family I barely knew, but despite my incredible exhaustion, I couldn't deny the growing sense of anticipation.

Tomorrow … I'll take it all in tomorrow, I thought to myself, before releasing my breath, I dropped down on the bed and was unconscious before my head hit the pillow.

* * *

**Who doesn't like flying?**


	3. Language Barrier

**A/N: Bella's not in Kansas anymore, Toto**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

**Language Barrier**

**Bella's POV**

The sound of steady rain and low rumblings of thunder woke me early the next morning. I sat up disorientated, just moments before the events of the previous day washed back over me, and was immediately engulfed by a huge sensation of relief; realising I wasn't at Renee's house any more.

In fact, it was such a strange feeling to wake up without the familiar pang of panic in my heart that I found myself smiling broadly.

With a newfound energy, I jumped out of bed, checking the clock radio as I did.

6:45 am.

The room was dimly lit, and for a moment I wasn't sure whether it was dawn outside or dusk. The pitiful amount of light that was leaking through the windows, as the storm outside continued, gave away no clues.

Pausing for a moment, I absorbed the sound of the rain, before yawning contentedly, I flicked on the light switch, and stumbled towards the full length mirror.

For a moment I avoided looking directly into it; instead, I focused on the various magazine cut outs of some blond haired bloke that framed the top half of the mirror. Peering in closely, I squinted.

"Josh. Hutcherson," I read out loud, snorting the air from my lungs and smirking to myself. "Hmm, _spunk..."_

I had absolutely no idea who this guy was, but then considering Renee was always having her electricity disconnected, the only time I ever really got to watch TV was when I was at one of the girl's houses.

Immediately distracted, I paused, pulling on my bottom lip with a growing sense of unease.

Jacob had mentioned a few things the day before that I'd been completely ignorant to as well. How much else was I unaware of?

Was I going to be an oddity here?

Shaking my head, impatient with myself, I pushed these pessimistic thoughts from my mind. Naturally, there'd be a few things I'd be unfamiliar with, and telling myself I was overreacting as usual, I headed to my suitcase, unzipped it and rummaged around for my little bag of toiletries. I needed a shower. I'd realised I was still wearing the clothes I'd put on at the very beginning of my journey—way back in my old bedroom—and was anxious to get them off.

With my toiletries bag under my arm, along with a clean set of clothes—and one of the jumpers I'd bought the night before at Port Angeles airport, I ventured out in search of the bathroom I was to share with my cousin.

As I stepped into the hall, I was met with the sound of low guttural snoring, alerting me to the fact that either Billy or Jacob was still fast asleep. It was a sound that immediately made me tense. The sound of snoring in the past indicated that Renee had a guest—guests that quite often mistook me as "part two" of their stay at my mother's house. And heaven help me if any of her men ever showed even a passing interest in me.

Passing an open door, I glanced in discreetly. The huge, hulking figure of my cousin, Jacob, was strewn across the bed. His long legs were hanging over the sides, and despite the continued sound of his snores, I found myself instantly at ease.

I loved him already, and there was something so incredibly safe about his presence.

Mumbling unintelligibly in his sleep, he rolled over, before I closed his bedroom door carefully and continued down the hall.

The small bathroom was at the end of it. I slipped inside, and emerged again half an hour later feeling almost human again, before setting out in search of the Kitchen.

To show my appreciation to Billy and Jacob for inviting me into their lives, I decided to make them breakfast. I was a pretty good cook; I'd learned to do it years ago. I kind of had to—it was either learn to cook or starve, because Renee _never_ cooked.

She was too busy with her _liquid_ diet, and heaven forbid if she fed her child!

Finding myself becoming rigid, I paused instantly annoyed at myself, before forcing my mother from my mind.

I _refused_ to let thoughts of her continue to poison me.

The kitchen in Billy's house was small and cosy; in keeping with the rest of the house. It was also pretty well stocked, so I got busy cooking. I fried up some bacon and eggs and made pancakes, before setting two plates down on the small table that sat in the middle of the room.

Just as I was pouring two glasses of orange juice, I heard movement above me. Then, after heavy thudding footsteps—that made the timber in the stairs groan loudly—Jacob appeared in the doorway yawning loudly as he rubbed his face with the heel of his hand.

As I appraised him, I broke into a broad grin. His hair was dishevelled, and he was wearing a pair of flannel pyjama pants with a ratty looking cotton t-shirt. He was almost child-like despite his enormous stature.

"Hey, Bella," he mumbled with a sleepy smile as his eyes dropped to the two plates of food. His entire face suddenly lit up with delight. "Wow, I thought I smelled something good!"

"Yeah, I got up first, so I thought I'd make myself useful. Knock yourself out," I replied almost in laughter.

He was staring at the food practically salivating.

Without the need for another invitation, Jacob pulled the dining chair out with a loud scraping sound across the linoleum floor and dug in to the food.

I watched him eat for a moment, almost aghast. He was shovelling the food in his mouth, without spilling a fraction of it, and even more shockingly, without _choking _to death.

"So ... what time does Billy usually get up?" I asked, shaking my head in wonder.

Jacob stopped eating and looked over at me. "Billy?" He swallowed his food before he continued, "He left early this morning for work. I don't think he wanted to disturb you."

"Oh ... right-o," I replied, my heart falling a little. It would have been nice to have spent my first morning with Jake _and_ my uncle, but I knew it couldn't be helped. Besides, I was more than used to eating without Renee.

Flashing me a quick, encouraging grin, and half shrugging, Jake turned back to his breakfast.

I watched him eat in awe for a moment longer before I broke into laughter. "Bloody hell, Jake, when was the last time you ate?"

"Last night," he answered innocently, with a mouth full of bacon and egg, before throwing me another quick grin, he picked up his orange juice and downed it in one gulp.

Chuckling breathily, I handed him Billy's plate of food. "Here, you might as well eat this as well. No sense in it going to waste."

With his eyes lighting up, he reached for the plate, but stopped himself in hesitation. "Have you eaten yet?"

"No, not yet, but don't worry, I'll just have some toast or something. You got any Vegemite?" I asked. I hadn't seen any in the cupboard.

"Vegie-who?" Jacob asked blankly.

"Vegie-_mite,_" I repeated.

He paused for a moment in thought before breaking into an apologetic grin. "Sorry, Bella, I've never heard of it. What is it?"

I sighed lightly to myself. "Never mind, I'll just have that Goobers stuff I spotted in the cupboard."

Jake's boyish grin broadened again, and as he finished off Billy's breakfast in the same crazy manner as he had his own, I made myself some toast and was surprised to discover that peanut butter and Jelly—or _jam _as we called it at home—wasn't as terrible as I first thought.

After breakfast, I washed the dishes, while Jake helped—rather clumsily—as he told me funny stories about the sort of things he and Billy had been eating since his sisters had moved out. It was surprising to me how relaxed and comfortable I felt already. It was a strange feeling for me; I was used to being constantly on guard. It was almost inherent in who I was. But the simple act of hanging out with my cousin without the fear of my mother's presence was something I could definitely get used to.

After cleaning the kitchen, I turned to hang the tea towel over the handrail of the oven, when Jacob suddenly grabbed my hand and whirled me around to face him.

"Bella—I almost forgot!" he exclaimed as excitement lit up his eyes.

I was taken aback. "What?"

"I've got something to show you! Give me five minutes to get dressed, kay?" He was already half way up the stairs, taking two at a time.

I laughed impulsively—thinking that he couldn't possibly get any more zealous—and nodded in agreement.

It took Jake less than five minutes, before he bounded back down the stairs dressed in jeans and a Jumper. Then, without pausing, he grabbed my hand and pulled me out into the front yard.

"Oh crap!" I uttered involuntarily as the cold hit me. The rain had stopped but the air was like ice. Wrapping my free arm around my torso, I shuddered violently as Jake continued to pull me along without a pause.

We stopped short in front of a car; a red Jeep Cherokee 4WD.

"So, what do you think, Bella?" Jacob asked with an enthusiasm that I didn't understand.

I paused, shivering uncontrollably, wondering what I was missing. "Um … it's great, Jacob. Is this your car?" I asked, trying to sound politely interested before rolling my eyes discreetly.

What the hell was it about boys and their cars? I for one never could understand the excitement they managed to generate over them.

"No, _silly,_ it's yours!" Jake replied laughing_._

All at once, I understood the excitement!

"It's mine ... how?" I was flabbergasted.

"It's from Uncle Charlie—here," Jacob explained, thrusting a folded piece of paper in my hands.

I unravelled it; it was a handwritten note from The General:

_**Isabella,**_

_**I thought you could use a reliable and sturdy car while you are in Forks.**_

_**Look after it.**_

_**Charlie x**_

_Holy shit!_

Jacob nudged me enthusiastically; the unintentional force of it sent me stumbling sideways, but I laughed it off good-naturedly. I was still literally reeling.

I had always dreamed of owning my own car. I used to fantasize about running away with Kel and living out of the trunk, but all I'd driven was Renee's piece of crap on the many errands that she'd sent me on.

"Holy shit, this is so—bloody fantastic!" I burst out.

"So, do you want to take her for a spin?" Jacob asked revelling in my excitement and holding up a set of keys for me.

"Definitely!" I replied with copious amounts of enthusiasm.

Grabbing the keys from Jacob, I turned and jumped into the … passenger side….

Standing at the passenger side door in front of me, Jacob flashed me a funny look. "You want me to drive, Bella?"

I laughed to myself lightly. "No, just a habit. Something I'll have to get used to."

_Something else, that is._

Sliding back out of the car, I climbed into the driver's side and inserted the key into the ignition. It started smoothly; another thing that I wasn't used to. It used to take a hell of a lot of kicks, and the threat of an all-out hissy fit, before Renee's car would ever start.

I turned to Jacob, who was jumping into the passenger's seat, the car tilting alarmingly with his weight. "So, where to?"

"Well, Dad suggested we go to Port Angeles so you can get some school supplies?" Jacob replied, raising his eyebrows, his grin unfailingly present.

I shrugged. "Sure, you'll have to direct me though. I'll probably end up in the middle of Woop Woop otherwise."

"The middle of where?" Jacob asked curiously, giving me that funny look again.

Smiling to myself self-consciously, I cleared my throat. "Oh ... just a daggy expression."

Despite the fact that he was already grinning, his lips were twitching, hinting that it was about to broaden. "Tell me another one?"

I thought for a moment, before adding, "We're about to dodge skippy on the black top."

At Jake's dumbfounded expression I chuckled, but I was beginning to feel awkward again

"What does that mean?" he asked, his forehead bridging almost comically.

"Um …" I tugged my lower lip. Now that I thought about it, it sounded completely ridiculous—it made me sound like the oddity I was. "It's something you say before you go driving. Skippy is the kangaroos, and the black top is the … road," I mumbled, lowering my gaze, as Jacob all but burst into laughter.

"Do you really talk like that?" he teased me, nudging me playfully with his elbow.

"Me? God no, but I'm from a small town too. A lot of the locals say stuff like that. Some things I say, though, I don't realise, I guess," I explained, with a shrug of my shoulders. "Tell me a weird phrase that you Yankees use?" I asked him, in attempt to take the focus off me and my obvious Australian oddness.

Jacob inclined his head slightly as he thought for a moment, his grin momentarily fading. "The guys at school are going to be psyched when they see your mug."

I thought about it for a moment before scoffing. "Too easy, I know what that means."

But if truth be told I had no idea; which only increased the panic I could feel growing within me.

"What does it mean then?" Jacob asked, folding his arms confidently, and when I hesitated, he laughed. "Bella, you're gonna run out of gas."

"Oh, right," I said quickly, remembering that the car was still running.

Easing the car on to the road, I drove down it carefully.

"Hey, Bella...?" Jacob piped up with hesitation, breaking the silence between us while I got used to the fact that I was driving on the opposite side of the road.

I glanced at him. "Yeah?"

"Would you mind ... if my girlfriend, Nessie, came along?" he asked, his tone almost sheepish.

Smirking to myself, I turned to tease him, "Oh, you have a girlfriend, do you? Do tell?"

His olive skin deepened in colour and he began fidgeting in his seat awkwardly. "Well, we haven't been together for that long, but she's ... special."

My returning smile was warm and knowing. "Of course she can come. Where does she live?"

As though it was controlled by a switch, Jacob's face immediately brightened again. "Just up the road. Thanks, Bella!"

"No worries," I replied.

Nessie literally did live just up the road. As I pulled up carefully in front of her house, which looked a lot like Billy's, Jake jumped out of the car just as a pretty girl with long, golden-coloured hair ran down the path to meet him, throwing herself into his outstretched arms.

They hugged tenderly—which almost thawed out my frozen, cynical heart—but then they started eating each other's faces. It was so blatant, yet intimate that I looked away quickly, feeling embarrassed that I'd witnessed it.

I fiddled with the controls on the car's radio and air conditioning, to give them a moment of privacy, but when I looked back over at them a couple of minutes later, they were still at it. Jake had lifted her off the ground and held her to his eye level as they continued to kiss over and over again. I could actually hear the smacking of their lips from inside the car.

Groaning, I rubbed my forehead with the palm of my hand, squeezing my eyes shut in exasperation. "Oh, give me a bloody break," I muttered before scoffing to myself, and allowing a reluctant grin to spread.

I accidentally—_on purpose—_honked the horn—for a good ten seconds, as Jake pulled himself away from Nessie and turned to me, flashing me a dazed, apologetic smile.

Chuckling to myself openly this time, I wound down the window, flinching from the icy wind that hit my face. "Sorry, I slipped!" I sang out jokingly.

Jake's grin broadened, and I rolled my eyes at him knowingly.

"Hurry up and get into the car, before the two of you freeze to death," I called to them; though, I suspected they were feeling a lot of things, but _cold_ wasn't one of them.

Grabbing Nessie's hand, Jake pulled her toward the car. She climbed into the back seat and he clambered in after her.

I was the chauffeur?

"Bella, this is Nessie," he introduced.

"Hi, Nessie, nice to meet you," I said sincerely, offering a friendly smile.

"Hi, Bella," she replied brightly.

Jacob turned to her then and added, "This is the famous, Isabella Swan."

_Famous?_

"It's just Bella, Nessie," I corrected him distracted. "And ... why am I famous?" It was a horrifying thought.

Jacob laughed again. "You should know that one, Bella. Small town, new student … from another country...?"

I failed to see how that would make me famous. Okay, so maybe I was a little naive, but famous was the last thing I would have wished upon myself.

Jake's laughter continued, this time with obvious amusement. "You look a little green all of a sudden, Bells."

So much for my plans of blending in at Forks High School. I had been really relying on it too.

"Bugger it! bugger! bugger!" I muttered under my breath.

"It'll be cool, Bella. You're going to be _so _popular!" Nessie piped up with enthusiasm.

I wanted to laugh dryly and explain how "popular" and I were an oxymoron. At my former school, I got through the day creating and attracting as little attention as possible, and that's how I preferred it. I tended to be shy, awkward and horrendously clumsy at times, and I only ever felt comfortable around the guys.

I bent my head into my palm, feeling like I might get a migraine.

Leaning forward, Jake put a consoling hand on my shoulder. "You okay, Bella?"

I shook myself out of it.

Okay, I suppose I should have expected it. It was no big deal, I could handle it, and it'd blow over in a few days anyway...

"Yeah—no I'm fine." I turned the key in the ignition. "So, show the way, cuz!" I said with feigned enthusiasm.

"That was so not convincing, Bella." Jake grinned teasingly, before leaning back again and snuggling close with Nessie.

I had not driven ten minutes down the road, when I was completely _over _the slopping and slurping that was coming from the back seat. I'd glanced in the rear view mirror several times, and Jake and Nessie were so completely absorbed with one another that I could only conclude one of two things: they were either so pukingly in love that they were honestly unaware of my presence, or that they had no shame what-so-ever.

"Oi! You two in the back seat!" I called to them in slight exasperation.

As I caught Jake's gaze through the mirror, he flashed me a rueful smile. "Sorry, Bella. We're not being much fun, huh?"

Releasing my breath, I almost broke into a smile—deciding to take them in good spirit. "Just keep the pashing down to a bare minimum, or one of you will be banished to the front seat. You're fogging up the bloody windows!"

Giggling, Nessie sat forward, leaning her elbow on the back of my seat. "What did you call it, Bella? _Pashing?_"

I cleared my throat wanting to groan to myself; I suspected I was about to be laughed at again. Despite my previous assumptions, obviously not everyone called it pashing—from this country, at least.

"Umm ... did I? I can't remember ..." I mumbled, feeling heat rise and gather in my cheeks.

"Is that what you guys in Australia call making out?" she asked lightly, with laughter in her eyes. "Where abouts in Australia are you from, Bella?" Nessie suddenly enquired without waiting for my original reply; which I was secretly grateful for. The fear of being the oddity I suspected I was, was quickly becoming reality. "Was it in Sydney?" she prompted me when I still hadn't offered a reply.

"No… nowhere near Sydney. I'm from country New South Wales," I answered.

"Did you have a pet kangaroo?" she asked.

I glanced sideways at her. She was serious—as far as I could tell anyway—and I wanted to cringe.

A pet kangaroo?

"Um... no. That's actually illegal," I answered her eventually, making an effort not to sound sarcastic.

"Nessie, really? You don't believe that do you?" Jacob teased her with tenderness behind his words.

"Sorry, Bella. I didn't offend you, did I?" Nessie asked me. I met her gaze again through the rear view mirror, and her eyes were widening sincerely.

"No, don't be a dag," I replied warmly.

When I glanced back at her through the mirror, she looked bewildered.

Oh my God—what now?

"A—a what ...?" she asked, her eyebrows meeting, her expression remaining puzzled.

I groaned beneath my breath—something I had already done multiple times—before responding. "It's something I call my friends when they're being ..." I let the sentence trail off, uncertain.

I had no other words for it.

"I think she means you're being a silly bear," Jake said to her with affection laced thickly in his voice, before the lip smacking and slopping started up again.

I discreetly rolled my eyes, while trying to keep my half-cringe from becoming noticeable.

"I know, we're a bit gross to be around, huh?" Nessie offered apologetically, when my casual charade was no longer fooling them.

"Well, just a little bit," I replied, feeling my lips curve slightly.

I guess they were harmless and only minimally sickening.

"Did you have a boyfriend, Bella—back home?" Nessie asked without a pause, her expression puckering with sudden interest.

"No, all the boys back home were a bunch of wankers!" I replied a little too passionately. Especially when most of them were sons of the men Renee often brought home for a drunken, one-night romp. Just the thought of them made me want to shudder. Thankfully, they left me alone, obviously never seeing anything in me—or enough similarities with my mother—to be interested in me. But then, it probably had more to do with the fact that I'd stared them down with hinted violence if they even thought of approaching me. I refused to be anything like my trash-pile excuse for a mother, and I was determined to let every single person in town know it—_especially_ _her_.

Realising that my reaction probably seemed slightly irrational, I cleared my throat and quickly glanced in the mirror back at Jake and Nessie. I didn't miss the pointed glance that they shared.

Sighing, I removed one hand from the steering wheel to run through my hair, becoming frustrated that I was allowing Renee to continually invade my thoughts.

We drove in silence for a couple of kilometres, with slopping and slurping noises the only sounds breaking it. It was almost impossible to ignore, and my patience began to wear thin faster than my desire to gag.

But as I drove passed a street sign, the name on it caught my eye and I began chuckling. "There's a town called _Beaver_ here?"

It was enough to sever Jake and Nessie's lips; they both sat forward and laughed together.

"Hmm, that's still pretty tame compared to some of the towns back home," I added, determined to keep them distracted from round three in the back seat.

I had Jacob and Nessie cracking up with all the funny towns that I knew. Jacob's favourites were _'Humpty Doo' _and _'Fanny Bay'_. It was an effective form of distraction, and the only sounds that came from the back seat from then on were Nessie and Jake's continued laughter as I added ridiculous sounding Australian towns after another.

By the time we arrived in Port Angeles, I think I had exhausted them. And it was worth feeling completely bogan not to hear the product of their love in my ear, while I drove on the other side of the road in a foreign country.

"Oh, Bella, you're _so_ funny!" Nessie exclaimed as we piled out of the car.

I was getting the impression it was a definition of me that was going to stick.

**...**

Port Angeles was a really beautiful and scenic sea side town. The weather was still overcast and drizzling, but even that couldn't take away from the beauty of the place. It was so opposite to anything I'd ever seen before. I was in awe. I wanted to just sit and stare at the mountains, but Jacob insisted on dragging me around and showing me as much as possible in the few hours we had.

I managed to buy the things I figured I'd need for school the next day as well as a few more articles of clothing, and after, Nessie and I found a booth in a café, and waited for Jacob to eat lunch together. We'd split up during the _shopping_ section of our visit to spare Jake the agony of it. I'd actually thought Nessie would go with him, but in true female spirit she stayed with me and was a huge help. I was totally clueless when it came to fashion.

"So what do you think of Jake?" Nessie asked after a pause, going all starry eyed at the mere thought of him.

"Umm ..." I began awkwardly.

I wanted to cringe again and wondered if I should state the obvious—that Jake was actually related to me—when Nessie quickly added, grinning sheepishly, "I mean, I know he's your cousin and everything, but you know, say he wasn't…?"

I chuckled softly. "Okay, if Jacob _wasn't_ my cousin, I'd say he's _definitely_ a spunk!"

"Who's got spunk? Me?" Jacob piped up, suddenly appearing again with that broad, boyish grin of his in tow.

"But of course, who else?" Nessie replied, her whole face lighting up as she beamed at him with concentrated amounts of affection.

Jake took the seat next to her and they quickly began another round of blatant, _public_ slopping that had a few customers staring appalled. I only hid behind my menu, feeling the back of my neck prickle with associated embarrassment.

I was most definitely not used to having so much attention drawn to me.

The waitress arrived and cleared her throat. Jake and Nessie pulled apart, before scanning the menu, not the slightest bit embarrassed by their in-house display of affection.

They ordered the same thing—even the waitress rolled her eyes—before turning her attention to me, her pencil poised expectantly.

"Umm ..." I mumbled in contemplation as I read the menu. Nothing really jumped out at me, plus I wasn't terribly hungry. "I'll have chips and tomato sauce, thank you."

The waitress rolled her eyes again, this time more evidently, before she asked with a bored tone to her voice, "I'm sorry? _What is it_ you'd like?"

"_Chips and sauce_?" I repeated, feeling indignant by her obvious patronising attitude.

I didn't get why she was looking at me the way she was!

What cafe didn't sell bloody hot chips_?_

"I'm terribly sorry, miss, but we don't sell _chips and sauce._ I'm sure you could find a Taco Bell somewhere if you're so desperate for it."

I felt my face climb ten degrees higher, and cloud defensively, but at the same time I was flustered and embarrassed. I looked over at Jacob; his expression was a mixture of puzzled amusement, and with my cheeks burning hotter by the second, I quickly scanned the menu for something else, before suddenly realising my error.

Sighing, I raised my gaze to meet the eyes of the snotty waitress. "Sorry, I meant fries and ketchup_. __Thank you_," I corrected, while completely failing to sound anything other than meek.

She wrote my order scoffing blatantly before walking off.

_Bloody hell!_

I was all hot and bothered and paranoid that people were staring at me. I wasn't aware that my English seemed to be a different language all together. It drew attention to me and for someone who preferred to blend into the background, I hated it!

Jacob was on the verge of laughing, but something—probably my expression—stopped him. "It's okay, Bells."

"Yeah, she's a rude bitch! We should complain," Nessie added, folding her arms and scowling in the direction the waitress went in.

Okay, it was just one rude waitress, I didn't need to overreact.

But sighing again heavily, I pressed my fingertips into my forehead, trying to convince myself that I was exaggerating the situation. But I had a sneaking suspicion that this was what I had to expect on my first day of school.

Me, Bella Swan, the complete oddity, that no one would understand.

* * *

**A/N: BTW "spunk" means a good looking guy, not … what I recently discovered it means outside of Australia… LOL!**

**Thanks for reading/rereading again :)**


	4. First Day of Forks High

**A/N: Cue Edward and Alice.**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**First Day at Forks High**

**Bella's POV**

"So, Bells, we can come in with you, if you like?" Jacob offered like a sweetheart. He'd obviously picked up on my anxiety—no matter how badly I'd attempted to conceal it.

Jake, Nessie and I were standing in the parking lot of Forks High School—Home Of The Spartans, as it read on the sign. We'd arrived a little earlier so I could get myself organised and pick up my schedule, but as I stared at the building marked 'office', I realised I'd have to pass dozens of pairs of curious eyes that were all staring shamelessly at me.

I was used to getting stared at, but not in this context, and it was way beyond my comfort zone.

The old Bella—the Bella who relied constantly on the protection of the guys at my old school—really would have preferred Jake and Nessie to accompany me. But I didn't move half way around the world so I could remain _old Bella_, and I was ashamed of myself for considering it.

Flashing Jake a grateful smile, I shook my head. "No, I'll be fine. You guys go ahead. I'll see you at lunch."

Jacob seemed to debate this with himself for a moment, before he broke into his all too familiar grin. "Okay then, Bells. Take it easy."

He put his arm over Nessie's shoulder, and I watched as they disappeared into the crowds. Nessie looked back once and threw me a broad, encouraging smile, and then I was alone.

With a small sigh, I turned to glance in the direction of the office again. My determination was suddenly waning and my stomach was a mass of nervousness. In all seriousness, I didn't know what I was so worried about; it was just _school, _after all. Only at this school I was completely on my own. There was no Rach, Nummi, or Kel to shield me from the constant denigration I suffered as Renee's daughter.

For the first time in my life, I'd have to stand on my own two feet.

**...**

By the time I left the office with my schedule in hand, class was about to start. Luckily Forks High School wasn't big enough to get hopelessly lost in. It was only fractionally bigger than my old school back home. Though, a lot of it involved walking around in the subzero temperatures; something I was sure I'd never get acclimatised to.

I managed to find my home room without too much drama, but of course, I was the last person to arrive, and as I stumbled very ungraciously through the door, everyone looked up and stared at me with various expressions of curiosity and amusement.

Feeling my face burn neurotically, I put my head down and quickly found a seat; beside a girl who introduced herself as Angela.

"I'm Bella," I replied, returning her smile awkwardly.

I was in the midst of trying to familiarise myself with my schedule when all of a sudden the whole class stood up … and started reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. It surprised me so much that for a moment I was dumbfounded, before I hastily lurched to my feet and placed my hand over my heart. I had no clue what the words were, but it all sounded oddly familiar.

Surprisingly, it reminded me of all the mornings we were forced to sing the national anthem in the quad at my old school, while one of the prefects raised the flag. It was a ritual we had to repeat every morning without fail—even in the middle of summer when it was so stinking hot that half the students would collapse. Well … okay, that was mostly me, and usually smack bang in the arms of some letch of a guy. They used to flock near me in summer, knowing I would more than likely faint. There wasn't anything flattering about it; they only did it to get a laugh with the boys as they dragged my semi-conscious body to sickbay, while no doubt hoping I'd suddenly turn into my mother and find the prospect of being half conscious in their arms a turn-on.

I liked to think it was the reason why I couldn't tolerate the heat very well, because half of my genes came from _this _climate.

I sighed to myself inwardly. I guess that meant I was stuck in between and would never be able to tolerate either side of the equator. At least, I could console myself with the fact that the cold wouldn't make me faint.

My first class of the day was Trigonometry.

I was half way across the school grounds when someone fell in step with me, turning to face me with a bright, friendly smile.

"Hi, you're Isabella, aren't you? I thought I'd come and introduce myself. I'm Alice. You're a junior right?"

"Um … yeah. It's just Bella," I mumbled awkwardly, "and what's … a junior?" I felt like an idiot, and more so when Alice's expression quirked in amusement.

"Eleventh grade?"

"Oh—then, yeah, I guess I'm a junior." My face burst into flames, and I berated myself beneath my breath, wishing I'd done more homework regarding American schools before I'd left.

"You look a little lost, Bella. Do you need directions? What's your next class?" she asked. She seemed friendly enough, and her accompanying smile was sincere.

"Trigonometry," I answered with enough uncertainty that it came out almost as a question.

She turned her head, becoming momentarily distracted by a passing blonde boy, and as she smiled at him suggestively, it gave me a moment to properly take her in.

She was shorter than I was by about an inch, and her petite frame was complimented by a pair of jeans and jacket that didn't look like they'd ever graced the interior of 'Kmart' like my clothes had. She was incredibly pretty. Though, despite this, we did have something in common; her complexion was practically as pale as mine was—only it didn't make her look anaemic like it did on me.

With Mr tall, blonde and blue eyed gone from view, she turned back and met my gaze, her face lighting up with enthusiasm. "Cool, me too. C'mon, I'll show you the way."

As it turned out—once I let Alice suss out my schedule—I had every class with her except Biology.

**...**

"It sucks being the new girl, huh?" she asked, as she plonked down in a chair beside me in trig class.

"Yeah," I agreed.

"My family have moved around a lot the last five years," she explained with a small, wistful sigh. "I went to three different middle schools during that time," she added, shrugging as if to say it was no big deal, when I knew from experience it was.

Luckily, I listened to my better instincts, and didn't ask her what _middle school_ was.

By mid-day things had gone pretty smoothly. My education in one-horse-town New South Wales was sufficient enough that I understood pretty much everything in my classes. I had Alice constantly beside me; her friendly enthusiastic chatter was a comforting distraction from all the staring and gawking, and at lunch I knew I'd see Jake and Nessie again.

But just when I was thinking I could get through the day without incident, fifth period Spanish happened. The overly enthusiastic teacher smacked, what she called, the "welcoming sombrero" on my head and made me stand in front of the class to introduce myself. The entire class erupted into snickers.

I was mortified, and convinced she just wanted to torture me, because how many new students could Forks High generate to require a "welcoming" anything?

As I opened my mouth to speak, I heard the word _kangaroo_ whispered amongst the class. This of course only increased my awkwardness, but at the same time I was beginning to feel indignant.

Clearing my throat quickly, I started over, "My name's Bella, and I'm from New South Wales, Australia—and no, I do not own a pet kangaroo."

I'm not sure why I added the bit at the end; maybe because the day before Nessie had been completely serious. Either way, as I took a step to return to my seat the teacher decided to torture me more. "And what did your parents do in Australia, Bella?"

"Sheep ranchers," a voice piped up, followed by more laughter.

"Crocodile hunters!" came another, before the teacher shushed them sharply.

Groaning beneath my breath, and with my face now on fire from the continued humiliation, I wracked my brain for a fabricated response to the idiotic teacher's question. I came up blank, and so, taking a resigned breath, I spoke the truth, "I lived with just my mother … and she –she worked at the pub."

I hastily returned to my seat, being followed by another round of half suppressed snickers, and whether Miss Harper wanted any more information from me or not.

Alice turned to me and flashed me an empathetic smile, and with a sigh—out of relief that it was over, if nothing else—I smiled back. Inwardly, I told myself to stop overreacting. God knows I'd been through worse, and anything that didn't end with being asked if I gave blowjobs as good as my mother was always a plus.

**...**

As the day continued, it became apparent just how much of a godsend Alice was turning out to be. She never once asked stupid questions about Australia, and even though I suspected she didn't quite understand a lot of what I said—despite all my efforts to not say anything too bogan—she never laughed and brought it to my attention. Her enthusiasm was slightly exhausting, but her sincerity was genuine. She reminded me a lot of Kel, so it was almost impossible for me_ not _to like her. Her presence helped create an optimism I was beginning to feel about coming to Forks for the first time since I'd arrived. The one thing—the only thing—that made me happy in Australia were my friends. Friends were important to me—since they were all I'd had.

"Thank _God_ it's lunch. I'm _starving_!" Alice exclaimed, linking her arm through mine as we made our way out of English class.

As everyone headed out to the cafeteria, the halls became a sea of students. I was following Alice, being bumped and knocked about, when she suddenly stopped, and just as a tall figure stopped in front of us.

"Hey, you little rat, we have drill after school today, so do you mind getting a lift with Rose?" A deep voice spoke to Alice in a warm, teasing tone.

I looked up and completely faltered. My heart, which had initially jarred in my rib cage, quite literally started stumbling, while this reaction I was having was leaving me in cynical surprise.

Standing in front of us was a boy with eyes the same shade as Alice's, only he was at least a foot taller than her, and there was something really hazardous about his smile. Was he handsome? Was that the right word? He definitely had the confidence thing going on, but it was ridiculous that I'd even be contemplating it, considering my confession to Jake and Nessie the day before—considering my history with the opposite sex.

But in this country no one knew my mother, and therefore wouldn't have the misguided assumption that I was just as much of a whore as she was.

It suddenly hit me; I was free. Free to start a new life where there'd be no discrimination or judgments that I'd experienced as Renee's daughter. I could talk to boys without having the reasonable suspicion that they expected only one thing from me. The one thing my mother was all too happy to give—over and over.

In Australia, I was Bella Swan, daughter of the town drunk and whore. In Forks, I was…?

As I stood processing all this, while my heart reacted to the very idea of it, I became aware that Alice must have introduced me, because suddenly he was gazing over at me, his eyebrows slightly drawn.

As his eyes locked with mine, something flickered in them, and my first presumption was that he'd recognized who I was—Renee's daughter.

She must be just as much of a slut—like mother like daughter, after all!

But he didn't know Renee…

I realised what he probably _did_ recognize me as, was the new girl who apparently kept a kangaroo in her backyard—who was presently staring at him mouth agape, and expression of a lunatic.

How could it be anything else? The epiphany I was having was so enormous that I had no way of properly processing it at just that moment.

But I felt so unburdened all of a sudden that I found myself smiling brightly up at him—which immediately broadened his, revealing a set of pearly white teeth.

"Nice to meet you, Bella. I'm Edward." His voice was warm and resonating.

_He has a nice shade of brown hair_, I was thinking, almost completely forgetting to respond to him.

"Hi," I blurted out, and feeling immediately awkward, I broke off eye contact with him.

He cleared his throat and when I peeked up at him again, he looked … uncomfortable. He had opened his mouth to respond, but shut it hastily, before mumbling a hurried goodbye and walking off rather quickly.

I was used to boys acting in disappointment when they realised I wasn't like my mother and they were wasting their time on me, but they never appeared _uncomfortable_. That was usually my response.

It was so ironic; the first boy that made me feel something other than distrust, had reacted exactly how I normally would have.

I shook my head to myself slowly in a second attempt to wrap my mind around it all, and what it all meant, but I only felt ridiculous and bewildered, and wholly out of my comfort zone

"My twin brother," Alice said, almost rolling her eyes and smiling slightly to herself.

Her _twin_ _brother_? Well I knew he wasn't her boyfriend; she'd chatted nonstop about her boyfriend, _Jazz_, all morning.

I only nodded, not trusting myself with a reply at that moment, because despite my present inner struggle, I was mortifyingly on the verge of enquiring further about him.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Alice asked me, as her eyebrows pulled together towards a puzzled frown.

"Um … yeah, I'm fine. Just hungry, I guess," I mumbled a reply, grateful that she'd broken me from thoughts that were threatening to mock me with this new found revelation.

Thankfully Alice was suddenly distracted. "Oh hey, there's Rose. Come and meet her," she said with a burst of enthusiasm, pulling me along once again.

We approached a group of three—all very pretty—girls. They were standing against the wall out of the one way traffic, chatting; I presumed they were waiting for Alice.

"Hey, guys!" Alice greeted them brightly.

They looked over to her and smiled before turning to me, their faces inquisitive, but then … not. There was something very pretentious about them, something very unlike Alice.

"So, Alice, I see you've taken the new girl under your wing," one of the girls spoke up and my first impression of her wasn't a positive one, but then she smiled at Alice in a way that made me reconsider.

"This is Rosalie. Take no notice of her," Alice said to me good-naturedly, rolling her eyes. She turned back to Rosalie. "Rose, this is Bella."

"Hi, Rose-alie," I stammered.

_Idiot!_

She was tall, blond and incredibly attractive, but her posture almost suggested that it was irrelevant to her.

She looked me up and down, arching an eyebrow to herself, bringing to my attention the fact that my clothes stood out. If her intention was to make me feel self-conscious, she had succeeded.

Ok, yes, I was wearing jeans, riding boots, and was the only person inside the school still wearing a coat, but despite my previous presumptions, kids in small town USA, did _not_ dress like rural Australian kids.

"Hello, Bella," she said simply, and I couldn't work her out. She was standoffish, but not unfriendly.

"This is Lauren," Alice continued with her introductions, turning me towards another blond girl.

"So … you're from Australia, huh? Cool." That was Lauren's greeting. She seemed to be bending herself over backwards to imitate Rosalie—as if it wasn't blindingly obvious.

"Uhm … yeah," I replied lightly, but this time I wanted to snort.

Finally, Alice turned me toward the third girl, whose name was Jessica and who was already glaring at me with an intensity that didn't really surprised me. My first thought was, _Oh great, another girl's father my mother has screwed_, and was forced to remind myself where I was.

She openly ignored Alice's introductions; instead, her eyes focused past me, as a scowl began to penetrate her face. I turned and followed her gaze curiously, but seen only crowds of students. No one seemed to be paying much attention; though, a few peered at me curiously as they passed.

When I turned back to Jessica, her expression remained hard, her eyes beginning to narrow with irritation, and I was beginning to feel bloody paranoid. I had to keep reminding myself that my mother couldn't possibly have slept with any of her male family members.

I was no longer in Australia!

She suddenly replaced her glare, with a rather patronising smile that reflected in her tone. "Hello, Bella."

"Hi," I replied, a frown etching in my forehead while I rued that Rach wasn't with me—only to immediately feel like the coward I was.

Smirking to herself condescendingly, she blatantly looked me up and down. "That's an interesting outfit, Bella. Where'd you get it? From the Brokeback Mountain store?"

Hearing miss-blond-and-up-herself-wannabe snicker from beside me, I exhaled into an almost sarcastic scoff. "Um … yeah, that's really funny." But I sounded meek and pathetic, and the irritation I should have been feeling at Jessica was directed at myself.

"Bella, lighten up. I was just joking," was Jessica's reply, complete with snotty eye roll that made my back stiffen.

I opened my mouth to reply, but closed it. Despite this girl, Jessica, having some kind of chemical imbalance, on top of her obvious insecurities, I preferred to avoid confrontations.

Get through the day as smoothly as possible, and don't attract attention. That was always the motto I lived by. As Renee's daughter I had no defences.

Deciding to ignore Jessica, I turned to Alice; she only threw me an awkward smile.

The moment we walked inside the cafeteria, I spotted Jake and Nessie and immediately felt a surge of relief. Smiling over at me brightly, they motioned for me to join them. I took a step in their direction then stopped myself, hesitating. Alice had been incredible to me all day, and I knew it'd be rude if I didn't sit with her. Even if it meant sitting with screwy Jessica as well.

Smiling back at them apologetically, I motioned that I was sitting with Alice; noticing an emotion flicker across Jake's face that looked almost like hostility. He eventually grinned back, almost begrudgingly, and shrugged his shoulders, nodding in a way that said, _it's cool._

After selecting my lunch, I sat beside Alice and placed my tray of food in front of me, while attempting to remain indifferent to the fact that most of the school was packed into the small lunch room, and the attention on me was suddenly concentrated.

Alice tried to draw me into her conversation with Rosalie, but they were talking about fashion, and it only made me feel more subconscious. So, in an attempt to distract myself, I watched Jessica. She kept scanning the room, her eyebrows bunched in frustration, as she steadily glowered to herself. And every so often she'd turn to look at me again with narrowed eyes; I only stared back feeling my forehead crease with confusion.

Did I run over her cat in my last life?

After several repeats she suddenly directed her attention firmly on me, and when she spoke her tone was condescending. "So tell us, Bella, why'd you move from Australia?"

My heart stalled for a moment, before it picked up pace. That was not something I was prepared to discuss with anyone, and I suspected Jessica was well aware of it.

"To live with my father's family," I mumbled, feeling my cheeks flush, before moving my gaze away from her, hoping she'd let it go.

"Oh? Why?" The tone of her snotty voice rose.

Shifting uncomfortably in my chair, and silently praying someone would sway the conversation away from me, I glanced at Alice. She seemed to be having some kind of hushed conversation with Jessica; who was looking from her to me with a smug grin on her face.

"No reason—can we please talk about something else," I said softly, trying to keep my voice even, when Jessica turned an arched, questioning eyebrow in my direction.

I was not going to mention Renee, just so this bitch could ridicule me, but at the same time, I was in the midst of a growing panic attack. What did this town know about me and Renee? I knew small towns—I knew how secrets had a way of getting out.

"I'm just curious, Bella," Jessica said with a mocking smile.

"Why do you care?" I demanded, suddenly defensive.

"I don't," she answered simply, before raising her voice just short of the entire cafeteria hearing her, "but people around Forks are saying that your parents abandoned you. Didn't they want you?"

My heart froze.

"Jessica—shut the fuck up!" I heard Rosalie speak up, as I felt the colour drain slowly from my face.

I was keenly aware that every pair of eyes in the room were centred on me, making my face burn so deeply that it almost felt chilled.

Clearing my throat softly past the gathering of emotion, I again met Jessica's gaze.

She had a look of self-satisfaction on her face.

Angry, humiliated tears began to well in my eyes, when all of a sudden it dawned on me. I had walked straight into it. This was all some kind of game, joke—initiation to laugh at the new girl. And Alice—Alice had set me up from the very beginning.

When I whipped my head around to confront Alice, she was already staring at me, her eyes wide and incomprehensible, but her face was one of pure guilt.

I was suddenly so rigid with anger it was almost debilitating.

She made some movement to shake her head and speak, but I cut her off.

"Fuck you, Alice!" I spat, jumping up from the table and clumsily knocking over my lunch tray in my haste.

I had to get out of there—away from every single pair of eyes that were all staring shamelessly at Renee Dwyer's daughter.

Outside it was raining, as it seemed to do permanently, and the cold hit me like a wall of ice. Wrapping my arms around myself, I only paced for a moment, trying to catch my breath, and stop the tears from over flowing, while angry at myself for falling spectacularly apart.

Thousands of kilometres away in another country, I was still the same person I was in Australia. Pathetic and spineless!

It was then that Jacob and Nessie came around the corner. Jacob was gazing at me with the sweetest expression of concern that my face immediately crumbled.

Without a word he wrapped his huge arms around me, engulfing me to his chest. "I'm so sorry, Bells. I should have warned you."

_Warned me_?

With a burst of angry energy, I immediately pulled myself together, before releasing myself from Jake's arms and stubbornly wiping away my tears.

Renee was out of my life—I was _not _that Bella anymore, and I wouldn't let anyone make me believe otherwise!

Alice was one cunning actress; she'd completely fooled me.

"What happened, Bella? What did they say to you?" Nessie asked tentatively.

"Yeah, Bells, 'cause your face went ten shades of red white and grey," Jacob quipped, though his eyes were still glistening with angry concern, and despite myself I laughed humourlessly.

I had no doubt it did.

I explained it as best I could without mentioning any reference to my mother. As I reflected over it, my chest restricted with equal amounts of both anger and mortification. Bringing up Renee, having the whole school know about her? I shuddered at the prospect.

"Those Cullens! I should have warned you about them, Bells. They're fuckers," Jake sneered suddenly between clenched teeth.

I was startled. He had such a look of hatred on his face that for a moment he was almost unrecognisable.

"I don't understand Alice. She's usually really nice … usually, but, Jake and Edward have a lot of bad blood," Nessie explained to me delicately. "You should have seen Jake inside just now. He was going to rip his limbs off."

"I would have too, if it wasn't for Nessie pulling me away to look for you, Bells." Jacob grinned wryly.

"Why would you—" I breeched the subject, surprised, but Jacob interjected.

"I was going to sort both those Cullens out, then and there!" The sudden rage had ingrained itself in his expression, so much so that it made him appear very un-Jacob like again.

Bloody hell, I really was becoming famous.

"Don't worry about it, Jake. It's not worth it," I said, taking a heavy breath, before feeling slightly shaky, I turned in the direction of the cafeteria.

"You don't have to go back in, Bella," Nessie spoke up with alarm, and I knew her concern wasn't reserved only for me.

"Yes I do. Bugger if I'm going to run away," I spoke more or less to myself with quiet resolve.

Run and hide; lock myself in the girl's toilets like I used to, while praying that I could escape to somewhere where no one knew me. Where I could start over.

I _had _escaped, and I wasn't going to let the poison of my mother continue to infect me.

Pausing at the entrance to the cafeteria, I peered in. With a huge feeling of relief, I noticed Alice's table was empty. I was so completely wrong about her that I was surprised at myself. I was usually a good judge of character, and I was completely convinced of Alice's sincerity.

With Jake and Nessie following, I stepped back into the room, and of course as soon as I entered, half the cafeteria turned to stare at me. Looking awkwardly at my feet, I hurried to the table Jake and Nessie had sat previously, but after I sat down, I realised they weren't with me. I turned around quickly in confusion. They'd barely moved from the entrance, while the cafeteria of students stared with curious anticipation from Jake to Edward Cullen; who was standing in the middle of the room glaring.

I glanced at Edward before back to Jacob; observing with a nervous thud in my chest as they stood in a silent standoff, fuming at each other. Jake's eyes blazed angrily while Edward's face hardened, his jaw going rigid; his hands balled into fists. I drew in my breath fearful for a moment by the animosity behind it, when he slowly broke his gaze from Jake's and locked the intensity of his gaze to mine. His eyes at first were wide and surprised before they slowly narrowed as a deep scowl transfixed his expression.

I could only blink in confusion and self-consciousness, before severing his gaze as Jake and Nessie sat beside me at the table.

"Cullen is really asking for it," Jake mumbled angrily.

Nessie sighed exasperated. "Oh, Jake, just ignore him."

I only sat in silence, flustered and bewildered by what was happening, but determined to pull myself together ahead of my next class.

Lunch breaks at Forks High were considerably shorter than what I'd expected, but in truth I couldn't wait to escape the torture chamber that the cafeteria had become. I was also overwhelmingly relieved that the only class I didn't have with Alice, Biology, was next.

I was late; Nessie had dragged me into the girl's bathroom to fix up my appearance—not that there was much I could do about it. I couldn't hide the fact that I'd been crying—something that made me feel more awkward—and I hated to draw attention to myself.

When I walked into the classroom, I was met with the same agitating stares; only now they burned with even more curiosity than before. I noticed with some quiet thanks that none of Alice's friends were in my class, but it wasn't that which stopped my breath short and caused my pulse to start racing.

Alice's brother Edward was in my class.

He, like everyone else in the room, looked over at me as I entered. But as my gaze met his, he very openly groaned to himself and rolled his eyes. Then slowly, with very deliberate movements, he moved the empty stool that was beside him out for me and motioned for me to sit down.

It was _far_ from a warm gesture.

I quickly scanned the class for another spare stool, only to discover there wasn't any. The only spare seat was beside _him_.

With my heartbeat no doubt increasing the colour of my face, I walked over reluctantly, with my eyes down turned, and sat stiffly in the stool beside him.

He didn't look in my direction as I sat down. In fact, he turned his head even further from me as he sat with his arms folded on the table, completely and blatantly ignoring me. I glanced at him for a moment and the complete arrogance of his stance pissed me off.

What was his problem? I wondered. Did he have an issue with me simply because I was related to Jacob?

_Bloody child!_ I fumed to myself silently, rolling my eyes.

The class that day was doing a pop quiz, and although I was new, the teacher, Mr Banner, suggested I do it as well to see where my level of education was. Then he went down the middle of the room handing out two test sheets to the students sitting next to the aisle, to then give a paper to their partner. I slid a sheet to Edward, who took it, very careful not to touch me while keeping his eyes completely averted from me.

I wanted to tell him to grow up; instead I huffed out my breath brashly and turned my attention to the quiz.

My old school had already covered the topic of cells and organisms, so I knew most of the answers; only half way through, my stupid pen decided to run out of ink.

"Great," I muttered to myself, sighing shortly.

I shook the pen softly at first. No ink. Then with more vigour—still no ink. Attempting a new strategy, I began tapping it on the desk before I was soon thumping it with rising frustration. I didn't have another pen, because of the idiot that I was, I'd left my case of pens in the kitchen at home this morning. Alice had given me this one—which was clearly only useful for stabbing rude, arrogant Bio partners with.

Something I wouldn't have minded doing right then, and despite myself, the prospect of it made me break into an immediate grin.

It was then I became aware that Edward was very discreetly watching me. His head was tilted fractionally in my direction as a small smile was twitching at his lips.

Noticing that I'd caught him, he quickly concealed it by placing his hand over his mouth, clearing his throat, but when he took his hand away, a hint of it was still there.

My pulse quickened, while the idea that he'd been watching me take my frustration out on my pen embarrassed me.

This only made me want to scoff to myself. What did I care what this asshole thought of me?

I glanced at him again quickly; his face was softer and the hostility he was emanating toward me seemed to have eased. I began to consider the possibility that maybe I had over analysed his behaviour; maybe his mood had nothing to do with me at all.

Feeling more confident about it, I turned back towards him, hesitating a fraction, before I cleared my throat softly to gain his attention.

He glanced at me, his blue green eyes catching mine momentarily before he looked away again and back to his paper. The expression on his face was blank, apart from a mild curiosity.

"Yeah?" he asked me, his eyes not leaving his test sheet.

I immediately felt uncertain, but swallowed stubbornly past it. "Do you have a spare pen I could borrow?" Despite my best efforts, my voice remained timid and shy. It aggravated me.

He turned his head slightly in my direction, without looking at me squarely. "No, sorry, I don't," he answered shortly, before going back to ignoring me; the hostility back in his posture.

With my skin prickling with humiliation, I tore my gaze from him, feeling my expression turn stormy.

His eyes didn't venture farther than his paper again, and he went back to being very careful to not touch me; even accidentally with his elbows as he wrote.

I scoffed almost openly, feeling stupid that I'd ever thought he could be different. _This _was how the boys treated me in Australia, as if I had a disease—at least when they weren't testing me out to see if I was anything like my mother.

Well fuck you, _Alice's brother_—you're no different!

Raising my hand, I asked the teacher if I could borrow a pen, then before I continued my quiz, I stole another glance at Edward. He had his eyes on his test, oblivious to my existence.

I actually think I preferred being humiliated.

I finished the quiz and waited, uncomfortable and impatient for the bell to ring. I didn't say another word to him, but pathetically attempted to rationalise why Edward Cullen seemed to hate me, worried that somehow he knew who I was—that my past and who my mother was had got out around Forks.

Obviously, Jake was right about the Cullens.

Finally, after one of the longest classes of my life, the lesson was over. I was one of the first people out the door. I couldn't have gotten away from Edward Cullen quick enough, and I'd put up with some pretty shitty behaviour from guys in the past. But I was angry at myself; angry that I ever expected people to treat me differently.

**...**

Since I was new and didn't have any gym clothes, I got to sit it out. It was the first positive since the cafeteria and Bio with Edward-wanker-Cullen.

With a huge sigh of relief, I grabbed a book out of my bag and headed up the bleachers. It was also my plan to avoid Alice. I felt her eyes on me constantly; she was acting strange. The one time I accidentally met her gaze, her face was remorseful, but I shrugged it off cynically.

Maybe she realised her little scheme had gone too far and felt bad about it, I wondered, before pushing all thoughts of Alice and her brother from my mind, I kept my face stuck behind my book.

Gym ended, as did the school day. I had to make one final stop in at the office and I could leave. I was eager for it, as much as I was to continue avoiding Alice. As much as I tried ignoring her, she kept trying to grab my attention, and when gym ended, she caught my gaze and gestured to me to talk.

I had no intention of it.

Since I didn't have to dress out of gym clothes like the rest of the class, I was well ahead of Alice. I was hoping there would be no chance I'd run into her again, but the stopover in the office set us even. As I was walking to the parking lot, I noticed her a few feet away walking in the same direction. I stepped up my pace; a stupid thing to do under the circumstances, because when I was just a few metres from my car, I stumbled and dropped everything I was carrying.

I really just wanted to scream, swear and chuck a hissy fit, but instead, taking a deep breath and remaining calm, I kneeled down to pick up the books and paperwork that were scattered around me.

Alice was instantly beside me, helping.

I turned to her and huffed in complete angry frustration.

Her expression was sombre and apologetic. "Bella, I'm te—" she attempted to blurt out, but I cut her off angrily.

"Go away, Alice. Haven't you made enough of a fool of me today?" I snapped, snatching the book that she held out for me, before getting to my feet and continuing toward my car. This is when I noticed Jacob, striding over from where he'd been waiting for me beside the Jeep, his glare fixed behind me, on Alice.

When he reached her—towering over her, making her appear even smaller—he pointed a long, accusing finger at her. "Stay away from Bella, _Cullen_," he spat her name, "and keep those bitches of yours on a leash!"

I groaned softly. "Jake ..." I sighed to myself aloud, when suddenly Edward was in front of him, facing off with him and looking incredibly threatening.

"Why don't you watch your mouth and who you're talking to, _Swan!"_ he growled at Jake lowly, the muscles in his arms tensing at his sides.

My breath immediately caught. Jacob was taller than Edward by a couple of inches, but it was Edward who looked more dangerous.

Jake didn't back away; instead, he straightened himself to his full height, balling his hands into fists. "Why don't you make me, _princess_?"

And Edward looked like he was going to.

"Oh crap!" I muttered, fighting the urge to cover my ears with my hands as if I was five.

"Edward, _don't!_" Alice said sternly, but her voice was strained.

Her eyes flickered to mine. I glared at her angrily.

_See what you've done? _I wanted to yell at her, but didn't. There was a dejected look in her eyes that distracted me for a moment, and I was worried about Jacob. He was _not_ going to get into a fight with Edward because of me

"Jake, no!" I called out pleadingly.

It was Edward and not Jake who turned and glanced over at me, but he turned back to Jake before I could read the expression on his face.

A crowd had already formed, when Nessie shoved her way through them and ran toward Jake.

"Jake, don't worry about it—please," she pleaded with him, grabbing his hand and anxiously trying to pull him away.

I had Jake by the other arm tugging him, with no hope of being able to move him if he didn't want to be.

"Jake, please don't. It's not worth it!" I begged him.

Alice was doing the same thing with Edward, but unlike Jake, Edward relented. He seemed to sigh to himself in a resigned way before allowing Alice to pull him away, but not before turning back to Jacob and growling, "Next time, you won't have _Daddy_ to save you, _Swan_."

"Next time you won't have your sister to hide behind, _Cullen,_" Jacob shot back furiously, dragging Nessie and I with him as he took a step closer; closing the distance again between him and Edward.

Edward turned to completely face him again. I only groaned—along with Alice, when Jasper, Alice's boyfriend, was suddenly on the scene.

"Come on, dude, let it go," he said quietly, shooting a guarded glance at Jake, before reaching out and grabbing a fist full of Edward's jacket and pulling him back. Again, Edward conceded, brushing off Jasper and glaring at Jake one last time before he turned around to walk away.

Jacob allowed Nessie and I to drag him away at this point, and before I reached my car, I turned back preparing to throw Edward Cullen the most _ever-come-near-me-again-and-I'll-knee-your-balls-through-your-mouth _glare I could manage, but he was already gazing back at me, and the look on his face surprised me. As his eyes reached mine, his expression, although still dark from anger, was … disheartened…?

But then, what the hell did I know! He obviously had some kind of personality disorder, I thought, distracted, as I climbed into the jeep.

**...**

It took all Nessie's powers of persuasion and a bit more to calm Jake down as we drove home. He was furious.

"The nerve of them!" he fumed. "They're the ones who start all this crap today, and they act as if they're totally innocent!"

"Jake, please just forget about it." I sighed, scratching my forehead feeling more and more unsettled and agitated.

My first day of school in a new country and I practically unleashed world war three on the place. Maybe I just brought out this reaction in people. Maybe, like Renee, it'd be just a matter of time before Billy and Jacob tired of me. Maybe it was futile moving here in the first place…

"Hey, I'm sorry, Bella," Jake said, remorsefully as he sat forward in the back seat and punched me playfully in the arm.

"Don't be a dag, Jake," I mumbled, breaking into a knowing grin.

Satisfied with my reaction, he chuckled before turning back to Nessie for some more cringe inducing slop.

**...**

Nessie came back to Uncle Billy's with Jake and me.

Jake and Nessie's public, and not so public, displays of affection were fast becoming notorious. Because of this, they were forbidden by Nessie's father, as well as Billy, from being in the house alone together.

But since I lived there too now, they weren't technically alone anymore.

I didn't mind it at all—not that I'd minded it the day before—I was grateful for Nessie being there; she kept the mood light. Her and Jake's antics were so distracting it kept my mind from my rather volatile emotions that I was sure were going to burst all over the place the minute I was alone.

But still, there was only so much I could tolerate, and after an hour in their presence, I moved to the kitchen table to start my homework.

Five minutes into it there was a knock on the front door.

Jake answered it.

"What the hell do you want now, Cullen?" I heard him growl, and my heart caught in my throat.

"Can I speak to Bella, Jacob, please," a small voice spoke beseechingly.

Alice!

I hurried to the door, worried about what Jake might do that would bring Edward Cullen boring down on him again.

Alice stood on the door step looking remorseful and awkward, and as I gazed back at her, I felt all the anger and humiliation from earlier that day rise to the surface again.

Folding my arms across my chest, I was about to tell her to bugger off and not come back, when she quickly blurted, "Bella, please, just hear me out, then I'll leave you alone—for good if you want me to."

Her eyes were pleading—they were the same colour eyes as her brother's, only vastly different in their likeness, and at the moment they were glistening with regret.

I sighed. "Okay then, get on with it."

"Bella—I'm so terribly sorry for what Jessica said to you at lunch today. Despite what you think, I had absolutely _no idea_ she would do such a thing—"

I interrupted, despite my promise not to, "Well, why didn't you tell her to shut the hell up, like a decent person would have done?"

She nodded in understanding. "I was trying to tell her _discreetly_, Bella. I …" she paused for a moment and sighed to herself, before her tone turned bitter, "I just didn't want you to know about the rumours going around."

My stomach clenched tightly, before Alice quickly explained, "I was trying to tell her to shut the hell up, without making it obvious to you that something _was _up—if that makes any sense."

"What _are_ the rumours?" I asked finally, feeling suddenly tense, and not sure if I really wanted to know.

"Just … just what Jessica said," Alice admitted reluctantly.

I sighed, rubbing my forehead with the palm of my hand, unsure if I was satisfied about it or not.

"I can't believe what Jessica said to you, Bella. It was awful. I was _so_ angry at her and _so_ _embarrassed_ for you," Alice added, her voice soft yet impassioned, and she really did sound sincere.

I only nodded, not really wanting to go into it and run the risk of having to elaborate on anything.

"I'm sorry," she repeated gently.

I looked up at her and took a deep breath. The anger was already fading from me; something I was happy to let go of.

I believed her.

"Ok, I guess I was a bit hasty to blame it on you," I admitted, my eyes breaking from hers, self-consciously.

"I understand," her voice was warm, and when I met her gaze again, the warmth spread to her smile.

I returned it; albeit somewhat awkwardly.

"I'm so over Jessica—and she's only been hanging out with me to get to my brother!" Her face suddenly turned stormy.

I only blinked, suddenly recalling _her brother_, and the shitty way he'd treated me that afternoon. I felt the frown bunch my forehead, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that my pulse also quickened.

It was bothering the hell out of me.

Tugging on my lower lip, my thoughts raced ahead, processing everything that had happened that day. I wasn't sure I really wanted to delve into it any deeper, and so releasing my breath, I forced my focus back to Alice.

"I'm sorry I blamed you for it, Alice," I mumbled.

She'd been gazing at me dubiously, when her expression relaxed. "It's ok, Bella. I don't blame you at all."

Folding my arms to shield myself from the cold, I fixed my gaze at my feet, sighing again; but this time it was out of relief. Relief that Alice, at least, wasn't who I thought she was.

When I raised my eyes back to hers again, it was with a warm smile. "Wanna come in?" I offered.

"Sure," she replied brightly.

"Also, I'm sorry about what happened in the parking lot with Edward and Jacob," she explained as I led her upstairs to my room. "I feel so responsible for it all."

I turned to her; her forehead creased with the sudden onset of irritation before she rolled her eyes slightly.

I wanted to tell her that her brother was a wanker and he needed to leave my cousin alone, but I didn't. I wasn't sure why.

Perhaps I was more like my mother than I thought…

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading. The next chapter is from Edward's POV to explain his assholey attitude.**


	5. Bella

**A/N: the 411 on Edward. **

* * *

**Chapter 4**

**Bella**

**Edward's POV**

I was usually exhausted after baseball drill—_usually,_ I was freaking shattered, but today I was on edge.

Walking through the back door into the kitchen, I dropped my sports bag on the tiled floor with a loud thud, before rubbing the dried sweat from the back of my neck.

I didn't know what the fuck I was feeling so uptight about, but it was beginning to bother me.

Shrugging it off, I reached for the refrigerator, suddenly famished, when I noticed the note that was stuck on the door:

**Em, Edward and Alice,**

**I am meeting Carlisle after work for dinner; we'll be home about 9 o'clock. Clean up after dinner, and Rose and Jazz are to be home by 8!**

**Love**

**Mom x**

I only scoffed to myself. Mom was convinced we were all going to freak over her marriage to Carlisle, as if we were nine and ten instead of seventeen and eighteen. I was happy she'd stopped being so neurotic about it, at least.

Grabbing a clean plate from the dishwasher, I began filling it with food, and was shoulder deep in the refrigerator when I heard the back door open and footsteps tread across the tiles; alerting me that the little rat was home. I ducked my head around the refrigerator door; Alice was leaning up against the breakfast table with an easy going smile on her face. Throwing her a quick grin, I went back to stacking my plate.

_Obviously she's gotten over the bullshit that happened today_, I thought absently to myself, just as my whole mindset shifted. The events from earlier today came flooding back to me, instantly bombarding me with an arsenal of emotions that ranged from pissed off, to frustrated, to ... something else... . It had suddenly changed my whole internal structure, and I struggled to shove it back. Instead, I became impatient with myself.

What did it matter anyway? Another day at school and another bullshit incident with _Swan_. The last thing I needed in my life at this point was _another _one.

I gripped the door of the refrigerator while my irritation quickly peaked before it gave way to confusion. As much as I hated to admit it, I wasn't entirely convinced she was like her cousin, and I had nothing whatsoever to back it up with. Instead, I made a disgusted kind of noise that echoed through the inside of the refrigerator. She'd told Alice to go fuck herself in the middle of the cafeteria; what other evidence did I need to prove that she was just another Swan asshole?

"Hard practice, Edward? 'Cause you look kinda … funny," Alice observed.

I glanced over to her; her expression was slowly giving way to curiosity. "Yeah, same as usual, I guess." I shrugged, ignoring her _"funny" _comment before I went back to piling food on my plate.

"Not that hungry today, huh? I guess the fifty pound steak you ate last night must have filled you up," she added, her tone dry; eyeing my plate of food in shock as I sat down with it at the breakfast table.

Looking over at her I flashed her a quick grin, my mouth crammed full of food. Her eyebrows knotted together in obvious disgust before she shook her head to herself.

"Well, Pixie-stick, since _I _didn't stop growing at three foot six, I need a lot more nutrition," I teased her after swallowing past the first mouthful.

She threw me a quick scowl. "Ha-ha, very funny, Edward. I'm five foot two, thank you very much!"

"If you say so," I replied, laughing when her expression turned indignant, before turning my attention back to my food.

Alice was my twin sister, younger by only a couple of minutes, but she was at least a foot shorter. And as much as she was vertically challenged, she was just as scrawny.

"What are you so happy with yourself for anyway?" I asked her casually.

"I went to see Bella and explained everything. I'm so glad she listened, because I've been feeling really shitty ever since lunch today," she answered with a sigh.

At the mention of Bella's name my throat closed up, and it took several moments of fucking choking and spluttering before I was able to reply, "What did you need to explain for?"

Alice gave me an odd look. "Isn't it obvious?"

I paused for a moment in thought, but came up blank, shaking my head in answer.

She scoffed. "Were you _in_ the cafeteria today, Edward? Didn't you hear what Jessica said to her?"

Beginning to feel agitated again, I shook my head; slower this time.

Alice huffed at me, this time in frustration, rolling her eyes. "Jessica was a complete bitch! She practically yelled out to the entire school that Bella was abandoned by her parents. Bella was so upset—not that I could blame her—and since Jessica was supposedly my friend, she thought I'd set her up."

My pulse began racing.

"W-why would Jessica do that to her?" I asked awkwardly, my throat feeling restricted again.

Alice shook her head, her expression turning dark. "I don't know, but it was a really shitty thing to do. I'm so over Jessica."

I nodded, but had already stopped listening. With the realization that I'd got it completely backwards, an edgy panic began to rise slowly in my chest. While I attempted to keep my expression neutral, for Alice's benefit, I racked my brain for reasons why I should even give a shit. She was Jacob Swan's cousin. The fact that she shared his last name bothered the shit out of me, but even that hadn't stopped me from thinking about her all afternoon.

I'd met her in the hall just before lunch. She'd stood beside Alice, only fractionally taller than her, looking so completely lost and self-conscious that I immediately felt myself drawn to her. Of course the little rat decided to introduce us, and when she turned to gaze up at me, it was with these deep, dark brown eyes that looked like they contained a hundred years of sadness. She didn't hold my gaze for very long, before she went back to staring at the ground, but then, out of nowhere she flashed me this huge fucking beautiful smile that it left me surprisingly dumbstruck. Normally, I would have checked her over, while trying to get a good gauge on her tits. Sure, she was pretty cute, but there was something about her, and those eyes of hers were haunting. She didn't fucking start battering her eyelashes at me like most of the girls would have done. She only tucked her hair behind her ear and looked up at me, her expression completely unreadable. In fact, she kind of looked at me as though I was making her uncomfortable….

My body temperature had shot up in that instant, and I began to feel so over heated and flustered that I had to leave, and quickly!

And as my thoughts remained on her now, I was having the same freaking reaction.

By the time this supposed crap went down at Alice's table, I was rendered to a fucking stupor, while Jazz eyed me, with his forehead knotted up like I'd lost the plot. It was then I heard her voice, strained and full of anger. In the next instant, I noticed Jacob and lunged from my chair. The great big fucking ape had taken a single threatening step towards Alice, glaring at her. With my mindless logic, I promptly came to the conclusion that he'd recruited his cousin in his bullshit against me.

It wasn't long after this that I found out she was my new freaking bio partner, and to put it bluntly, I had not treated her very warmly.

I suppressed the urge to groan out loud. The fact was, I'd been a complete fucking prick.

Alice was suddenly snapping her fingers an inch from my face.

"Hello? Edward? Are you even listening?" she demanded, her brow bunching with impatience.

"Yes—what? I'm listening!"

Biology! Fuck!

With a sigh that quickly expanded into a groan, I dropped my head to my hands and ran my fingers through my tangled hair; hoping it was coming off as nothing but exhaustion from practice.

Alice remained gazing at me, looking completely unconvinced; her expression quickly turning curious. "If you didn't know what happened in the cafeteria, what did you think the whole parking lot incident with Jacob was about?"

At the mere mention of Jacob Swan, my back stiffened involuntarily. "Who knows with that asshole! He'd just better stay out of my way."

Alice merely raised her brow. "Uh-huh, and about what happened…."

_Jesus, here we go, _I muttered under my breath. I was expecting a lecture, and I was actually surprised she didn't just rip into me the moment she walked through the door.

"I just wish you would stop getting involved, Edward," she said with a sigh, beginning to sound irritated. "I can take care of myself."

I shrugged, and her eyes narrowed impatiently.

"Look what your butting in created today? You were going to get into a fight with Jacob all because he was _rightly_ sticking up for Bella!" She was sounding frustrated, but it didn't move me. The fact that bastard rose from his chair to threaten her was evidence enough that_ I_ had it exactly right about him.

"Is that what he was doing?" I didn't bother to keep the sarcasm from my voice.

"_Yes!_" Alice exclaimed, going from irritated to pissed off.

I shrugged indifferently again and her expression darkened, making me feel more uneasy than I was willing to admit.

"You do the same thing all the time, Edward—you know you do!" she snapped.

She was right, but then again she usually was. Emmett and I had a silent agreement never to admit it to her.

As brothers and sisters went, Alice and I were close. I was protective of her; I always would be. But when she got sick ... well, I guess I'd become slightly overbearing.

I let my thoughts wander back to Bella again at lunch in the cafeteria. Whatever had happened with Jessica slut-bag Stanley, Bella had been pretty upset...

After another half-suppressed groan, I was ready—at the barest minimum—to acknowledge that maybe Jacob was only sticking up for her. This was regardless that I presumed he only did shit just to piss me off.

But it made sense.

"Okay, you have a point," I admitted, reaching out to scratch the back of my head, distracted.

"I just wish you'd ease up a little bit, Edward," Alice said, serious this time.

I took a long breath and released it with mocking exaggeration. "Okay, okay."

She smiled, looking satisfied, before adding, "And I wish you'd let go of this whole Jacob thing too. I mean, it's so old now."

"What exactly am I holding onto?" I replied indignantly.

She rolled her eyes but continued anyway, "Would you believe that he was really sweet and polite to me when Bella and I sorted everything out? Though, when he first opened the door he told me to piss off." She laughed to herself.

"Yeah ... that's great, Alice. I'm happy for you," I muttered without bothering to hide the sarcasm from my tone.

I did _not _want to listen to how sweet Jacob was. The thought of it made me want to fucking hurl! Sweet was the last thing that bastard was, and if I ever saw him threaten Alice again… I forced these thoughts from my mind. I could feel my face going tense, while the little rat only stared at me with increasing impatience.

"Okay—all right have it your way then!" she huffed at me, frustrated.

I continued eating, feeling more and more fucking edgy, shoving the food down my throat, no longer having the appetite for it.

"Where is everyone anyway? Is Mom out with Carlisle?" Alice asked, after a moment of studying me. I ignored her—or tried to anyway.

"Yeah." I motioned with my eyes to the note that was stuck to the refrigerator.

Alice plucked it off and read it.

"Thank _God _for that. I thought she'd never relax. Honestly, does she still think we're going to go off the rails about her marrying Carlisle?" she exclaimed, scoffing to herself.

My replying smile was tight, and I shrugged.

Her attention soon switched back to me. She walked back over to where I was sitting, still busy eating, sat down opposite me and folded her arms; all with deliberate emphasis.

"So, what's _really _bothering you, Edward? It's not this whole thing with Jake Swan, is it?" Her brow knotted as she studied me closely in that way she often did that unnerved the fuck out of me; when she was seeing straight through me.

"He doesn't bother me, Alice. I'm fine," I replied lowly. It was true, he didn't bother me, but the fact that Bella was his cousin bothered the hell out of me. The reason for _that_ was another matter entirely. _That_, I had no answers for.

Alice continued gazing at me, her eyebrows coming further together the longer her eyes stayed on me. I only waited with bated breath, my fucking hands beginning to tremble.

"You might as well spill it, Edward. I know something's up with you," she spoke at last.

I sighed beneath my breath, and thought about just admitting it to her. Why did I have to hide it? Would it be so hard just to confess: _your friend Bella is pretty. Too bad she's related to that prick, Jacob Swan!_

Common sense quickly reminded me that in disclosing that information to Alice, Jazz would know about it in less than an hour. I went with a different angle.

"Honestly, Alice, I think you've been snorting the pixie dust again, 'cause there's nothing wrong with me—really."

She snorted, obviously unconvinced. "You can joke all you want, _brother dear_, but you know I'll get to the bottom of this sooner or later."

She fucking would.

I stood up a little too quickly, jolting the table as I did. I was trying to remain indifferent to the little ferret, but I knew I had to exit and fast. If I remained alone with her a minute longer, she'd crack me. We both knew it.

"I'm going to have a shower. Is Jazz coming over later?" I was too casual and on top of it, I was suddenly feeling all flustered and overheated.

The same fucking way I had in Biology today.

"You know he is! Stop trying to get out of this, Edward!" Her curiosity was beginning to make her impatient.

I only had seconds.

"Alice, I'm fine—_Jesus_. I'm just tired," I insisted, thinking if I sounded pissed off it would get her off my back.

I was half way up the stairs when I heard her call after me, "You can run, but you can't hide, Edward!"

I had a shower, but I was so freaking on edge that it—or the idea of jerking off—did little to ease it. After wards, I remained upstairs for as long as I could without increasing Alice's suspicions that I was avoiding her. Besides, she couldn't work out what was up with me when I barely knew myself. The idea gave me comfort for about a minute, before I scoffed out loud at the idea and discarded it. The little rat had an uncanny ability to read me; she knew instantly when something was up with me, and usually before I was even aware of it myself.

Okay, so I was willing to admit that Bella Swan had had an immediate impact on me. What it was exactly I couldn't say. All I could say for certain was that she'd gotten under my skin the minute I'd laid eyes on her, and I was finding it increasingly harder to keep her from my thoughts. Even when I thought she was just another Swan asshole today—as brief as that was—she'd still plagued my mind in a way that didn't seem fucking rational to me. The only thing I was positive about at the moment was that I had to apologize to her for being a bastard, and as soon as possible. As fucking ridiculous as it seemed, the thought of Bella's opinion of me based on my actions in Bio today bothered the crap out of me.

When I went back down stairs Jazz, Emmett, Rose and Alice were all eating pizza at the kitchen counter. Alice flashed me a smug, sarcastic look as I walked in the room, but didn't say anything, before going back to feeding Jazz his pizza like he was a fucking decrepit.

Ignoring them, I reached over Emmett, taking a slice out of the box.

"Oh my God, Edward! You're still hungry?" Alice exclaimed, turning from Jazz to stare at me aghast.

I only continued to ignore her.

"So, elfling, spill the beans on _Bella Dundee._ I saw you hanging with her today," Emmett inquired sounding only partially interested; his mouth full of pizza.

I felt my body instantly go tense, and immediately fucking over heated. I quickly shoved the pizza down my throat.

Emmett attempted to speak again, only Rose immediately slapped him in the back of the head. "Are you capable of eating with your mouth closed?"

Emmett only chuckled before grabbing Rose and attempting to kiss her, with his mouth still full of pizza, but Rose whipped a nail file out of her purse in lightning speed and held it to Emmett's face.

At this point I forced myself to look away, rolling my eyes to myself at how lame-assed they were.

Alice lightly laughed, turning to Emmett. "Em, Bella _Swan_ is very nice. She's quite funny actually. I asked her what her and her friends did on the weekends in Australia. She said they mostly _bludged, _then she laughed. I laughed too, but I have no idea what she meant."

"Bludged? Is that … like a sport?" Jazz asked; he was serious. I almost laughed; though, I had no idea what it meant either and I was curious—more than I wanted to admit.

"Did she bludge the kangaroos, or bludge the snakes for dinner?" Emmett asked, like the fucking comedian he thought he was.

Alice rolled her eyes. "I really doubt it, Emmett, and if you ever say anything like that to her, I'll _bludge_ over you with my car."

"She's nice enough, but a little odd," Rose spoke up simply, looking up from grooming her nails with the nail file she'd threatened to stab Emmett with a moment before.

"She's _not_ odd!" Alice insisted. "She felt really self-conscious today with everyone looking at her and stupid kids coming up to her and asking her to say _'G'day mate'_."

"Does she say that?" Jazz asked, wrapping his arms around Alice again, and I was forced to look away and pretend I didn't notice where the asshole had his hands.

"I never heard her say it. She says _bloody _a lot, though," Alice answered, chuckling.

Emmett cocked an eyebrow. "Bludging and bloody? So, ah, does she carry around one of those big ass knives as well? That ain't a knife, _this_ is a knife." Was his attempt at impersonating Crocodile Dundee, because my brother really was that much of a dickhead.

Jazz laughed—but of course that idiot would—while Rose only rolled her eyes.

When I looked up again, I caught Alice's gaze. She was smirking at me the way she often did whenever Emmett said or did anything that was so typically moronic of him, but the instant her eyes locked onto mine, I knew I was in more trouble than I was before.

"You still _tired,_ Edward?" she asked after a moment, with a mocking display of concern.

"He's been acting like this _all day._" Jazz snorted.

"Jesus—how many times do I have to freaking say there's nothing wrong with me?" I demanded, annoyed that fucking Jazz had decided to jump on the bandwagon. "I-I feel like I'm getting a cold or something, that's all," I added, my voice hitching at the back of my throat, wishing I'd just kept my fucking mouth shut.

I was screwed regardless, because from the little rat's expression I knew she'd dug herself a huge chunk of interest.

**...**

It was just after eight, when Alice decided to push me again, knocking on my door.

"Edward, can I come in?" she called.

I groaned loudly, for her benefit, running my hands down my face in exasperation. "No!" I called back shortly.

She came in anyway and sat down on my bed, turning to me. "Okay, out with it!" she demanded as though it was my duty to obey her.

"Are you going to get it through your gerbil brains, Alice, that there's nothing up with me?" I answered dryly, while knowing full well that teasing her wouldn't get me immunity.

She ignored me and folded her arms. "You've been acting strange ever since the parking lot. If it's not Jacob, then what is it?"

"Okay then, _how_ have I been acting strange?" I challenged her.

She raised her eyebrows with a wise ass fucking expression on her face. "Oh please—do you really want me to answer that?"

"Look, Alice, I don't know what to tell you"— I didn't—"but there's nothing wrong with me." I attempted to sound sincere, even if it was for my own benefit, before laying back on my bed and covering my face with my hands.

"I know there is, Edward. You might as well tell me. I'm not leaving till you do," she said stubbornly after a brief silence, where I knew the evil little rat was gauging me.

I groaned, exaggerating my frustration and pulled myself half up, resting on my elbows. "You know, you're the most annoying person on the planet."

She just smiled at me smugly.

"Get out! I'm going to bed!" I grumbled, flopping myself back down and running both my hands rigidly through my hair, staring up at the ceiling.

"Nu-uh, not until you say the magic words," she drawled arrogantly.

"Get out before I throw you out?" I cocked my head to look at her.

She scoffed but before she could properly reply, I sprung up and grabbed her around the waist in one motion, taking her by complete surprise. Lifting her off the bed, I carried her to the door over my shoulder, while she struggled in vain.

"Edward, put me down! Stop being so juvenile!" she protested loudly, kicking her legs wildly about.

Opening my bedroom door, I dropped her down on the other side of it.

"Goodnight, Alice!" I said, emphasizing the finality in my tone.

She propped her hands on her hips stubbornly. "This isn't over, Edward. We both know I'll get to the bottom of this!"

I only shrugged back at her, before she whipped around and headed toward her bedroom, grumbling to herself.

**...**

I didn't get much sleep that night. I was anxious for it to be morning, so I could get to school and apologize to Bella for being such a prick to her. Trying to work out _why _I was so anxious to do this was the reason I couldn't sleep. I mean, let's face it, one look at Bella and I knew she wasn't the kind of girl who'd throw herself on her back like that skank-whore, Stanley; she was the sort of girl you got invested in.

And investment was a place I never went to.

**...**

I was the last person to come down in the morning for breakfast.

"Sleep well, Edward?" Mom asked, smiling warmly when I walked in the room.

I shrugged sheepishly. "Yeah."

She passed me on the way to putting her dirty dishes in the dishwasher, leaning on her toes to kiss my cheek, before wiping my face clean of her lipstick.

"You don't look like you did," she observed with a slight frown, while Alice snorted to herself.

I closed my eyes momentarily, deciding to keep ignoring the little rat. It was better that I didn't attract Emmett's attention, after all.

When I sat down at the table, Alice looked up and flashed me an all too knowing grin. Rolling my eyes at her, I grabbed the box of cereal a little too aggressively, squeezing half the contents out onto the table.

"Steady, Eddie." Emmett glanced up at me, his eyes narrowing with sudden curiosity.

It took me forty-five seconds to eat my breakfast that morning.

Surprisingly enough, Alice didn't say a word to me through breakfast. It wasn't until we got in my car for school, and I turned to her asking, "What, no interrogations this morning?" that she let her intentions be known.

She shrugged one shoulder and smiled to herself secretively. "If you don't want to tell me, that's fine. I'll find out on my own."

This fucking scared me more than anything.

I cleared my throat, more nervous than I was willing to admit to myself, and started the engine. My hands were beginning to tremble—it was fucking ridiculous—but I kept them tightly clamped around the steering wheel to disguise it and pulled out of the garage.

Alice pissed me off the entire way to school, with a permanent look of smug over confidence on her face, not to mention the chirpy fucking humming she began the second I'd started the car—making me wish I could open the passenger side door and shove her out on the road.

"You sure you don't want to tell me what's going on, Edward?" She turned to me once we'd exited the car at school. She was only half teasing me this time.

I huffed out the air in my lungs, frustrated with the little rat. "Alice—I don't _know _what the fucks going on!"

I regretted those words the minute they left my mouth.

What the Fuck was wrong with me?!

Locking the car, I headed inside before she had a chance to reply.

**...**

I spent the morning hours distracted, both dreading and anticipating seeing Bella, but when I hadn't caught sight of her by third period, my nerves were shot and I went looking for her.

I found her and Alice straight away, heading towards their next class. Alice was blabbering away as usual, while Bella only walked beside her, her books hugged to her chest, as she nodded in reply intermittently, smiling with uncertainty.

My heart immediately faltered and I had to exit in the direction I'd come quickly before the little rat spotted me. Alice knew my schedule, and if she seen me so far out of my way, she'd put two and two together in a fucking heartbeat.

I headed to English, unnerved. I figured when I finally saw Bella I'd realize I was attracted to her and nothing more. She was pretty; there was nothing more to it.

Why then did the very sight of her make me so fucking overwrought, while making me practically break out into freaking hives?

Yeah, I was attracted to Bella; as for the rest of it? Easy, I was coming down with mono.

As usual, I was accosted by Jessica-whorehouse-Stanley the minute I walked into English. I wasn't in the mood to put up with her skankiness; especially, since finding out that my asshole behavior towards Bella yesterday was because of hers.

"Hey, Edward," she said in the same over-used flirty tone, before leaning against my desk in a way that made her already skimpy skirt ride further up her legs.

Jazz dropped down in the chair next to me at that moment, glanced at Jessica's exposed lower half and winked at me, his expression fucking suggestive.

"Hi, Jessica," I replied dryly, rolling my eyes at Jazz.

"So, did you hear about what that psycho new girl did to Alice yesterday? What a total freak-show, huh?"

I froze for a moment, instantly annoyed.

Thankfully, it was Jazz who answered, with an impassive shrug. "The way Alice tells it, y_ou_ were the psycho, Jessica."

She was undeterred. "Alice is too forgiving. I can't _believe_ she's still friends with that _freak_."

I almost flinched, and was fast becoming pissed off. I could feel the scowl penetrating my expression and was on the verge of telling her to fuck herself over a cliff, when the teacher entered the room. He threw Jessica a measured glance and she went to her own table, taking her seat.

I only scoffed to myself loudly.

"I see you're still a space cadet today," Jazz observed, a smirk creeping across his face.

"Fuck me, she's such a whore," I muttered in reply.

"Isn't that what you look for in girls?" the asshole added.

"Fuck you, Jazmina."

He grinned to himself and scoffed before going in another direction. "You know Alice hates you fighting her battles for her."

It wasn't Alice's battle I was fighting, though, and hearing Bella being bad mouthed made me angrier than I would have been if it was being said about Alice. It didn't make an ounce of sense; who the fuck was Bella to me?

"I think Alice wants you to sit with her at lunch today, by the way," I said to Jazz with feigned indifference. It was bullshit and I was a terrible liar.

Jazz turned to face me, observing me for a moment, his eyebrows coming together in confusion. "I thought we vetoed the girls at lunch."

We did, normally. It was my idea. Either that or I sit with Jazz and Alice as they gazed starry eyed at each other. Jazz and I usually discussed baseball at lunch anyway, which annoyed Alice to no end, and since Jazz couldn't sit with Alice without all but feeling her up in the middle of the cafeteria, it became our arrangement. It didn't seem to bother the two of them to spend their lunches apart, since they more than made up for it after school—usually in my fucking presence!

"I don't know, it's just the impression I got," I answered him with a shrug. Keeping my tone casual was not an easy thing to pull off.

"Why, is she upset or something? What did she say?" Jazz asked again, his voice rising slightly.

Jesus, couldn't he just agree to it and be done with it?

I exhaled loudly; I wanted to shove him off his chair with the frustration that this conversation was causing me. "She just said to come and hang with her—Jesus!"

"Okay, okay. Don't bust a cap!"

A wave of uneasiness came over me, and I immediately regretted opening my mouth at all. What the hell was I doing? I was supposed to be avoiding Alice, not hanging out with her, and my track record at lying to her was dismal at best. I might as well write it across my forehead, in big bold letters: _I am frustratingly hung up on Bella Swan._

"I wish you'd get over whatever it is you're so stressed about! It's driving me nuts!" Jazz exclaimed in a harsh whisper, a moment later.

"What do you mean?" I asked him blankly.

He scoffed. "Every two minutes you're reefing you're hair out and sighing like your granny just died."

The bell for lunch saved me from having to offer up a bullshit excuse that would only dig me into a deeper hole.

As I walked out, it suddenly occurred to me that it was probably more catastrophic for me bringing Jazz and Alice together at this point, when they were both aware that I was acting like a dickhead. Not that Jazz really gave a shit, but if Alice guessed...

Fucking idiot!

"Hey," I said to Jazz as we entered the cafeteria, "don't tell Alice I told you to sit with her. You know what she's like."

Lame.

He shrugged, distracted, already scanning the room for her. "Yeah, sure."

I spotted Alice, Bella and Rose almost straight away. They were all lined up in the lunch queue. And again, as my eyes rested on Bella, I could feel heat start to prickle over my skin. Tearing my eyes away, I walked over to Alice's regular table and sat down, already fucking sluggish and hot. Jazz paid me no attention as he made his way over to Alice.

I watched fucking repulsed as he approached her from behind, circle his arms around her waist, whisper something in her ear and then bury his face into the back of her neck. Cringing impulsively, I fought the urge to throw my full can of cola at him.

I forced my eyes away, before focusing them on Bella. She was looking at the food dubiously, clutching her tray tightly in her grip, before leaning toward Alice and speaking something to her. Alice surveyed her, tilting her head to one side in thought, before she replied in laughter, shaking her head and shrugging simultaneously. Bella's face immediately flushed, before she looked down at her tray.

I think I uttered some fucking star struck sigh, realizing I was smiling to myself like an idiot, without being fully aware of it. She was fucking mesmerizing, and all by doing nothing but looking as self-conscious as she had the day before!

I snapped myself out of it, tearing my eyes away, just as Rose sat down at the table next to me.

"You joining us today, Edward?" she asked, sounding like she could give a shit, either way.

"I guess so," I replied casually, clearing my throat, before cracking open my cola and taking a huge gulp.

"So, why the change of heart?" she inquired, opening her can of diet coke.

I doubted she cared either way, but I motioned towards Alice and Jazz, hoping I didn't have to elaborate on it any further. Rose followed my gaze, then groaned loudly.

"So long as they remember that some people will be _eating._"

I was about to agree when the words died on my lips and my heart fucking lodged in my throat. I found myself staring into Bella's eyes, with Jazz and Alice standing just behind her.

She immediately faltered and came to a standstill, looking at me with uncertainty.

"Hello, Edward," Alice drawled, flashing me a knowing smirk as she sat down.

What the fuck was I thinking?

I contemplated making a quick get away, but realized that it was all too late to escape now. I threw Alice a forced, sarcastic grin, and glanced deliberately past her. Bella was still gazing at me, but she hadn't moved. Her eyes shifted to Alice before back to me, looking more and more apprehensive, and the longer her eyes remained on me, the darker her expression became until it was an all-out frown.

With Alice scrutinizing me, it didn't take her long to notice the tension between Bella and me. More so the indignant look on Bella's face as she stood there, unmoving, clutching her tray of food and looking at me as though I had fucking Ebola.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Alice asked her with concern.

Severing her eyes from me, Bella turned to Alice. "Yeah, I um—I just remembered, I have to go to the library … and study."

Study? On her second day of school?

And with that sentence Bella just gave me away.

Very deliberately Alice turned to me, folding her arms angrily and arching a demanding eyebrow. I sort of sheepishly shrugged, and she huffed impatiently before turning back to Bella, who had already taken a step away from us.

"Are you sure? Want me to come with?" she offered.

Bella's eyes flickered to me again, before returning to Alice. She nodded. "It's fine, Alice. You stay. I'll see you in gym."

She walked away then, only she didn't go to the library; she went and sat next to her asshole cousin—making it even more fucking obvious she was bullshitting to get away from me.

I continued watching her as she put her tray on the table and took a seat, before suddenly my eyes met with Jacob's. I felt my expression immediately harden. He was glaring at me with an unmistakable message on his face regarding Bella.

I held his gaze, and determined to piss him off, I looked deliberately to Bella before back to him, throwing him a smug grin.

The fuckwit looked like his head was about to explode.

"Edward!?" Alice snapped impatiently.

I turned back to her; she was staring at me with wide, pissed off eyes, her expression half way between dumbfounded and furious.

"What have you done?" she demanded.

"Yeah, dude, she seriously hates your ass!" Jazz added, snorting.

"I…." I paused to rub the back of my neck, "I was probably a bit rude to her yesterday in Bio," I confessed.

"Why the hell were you rude to her?" Alice's voice rose with both confusion and irritation, turning fucking screechy and making me want to flinch.

"Well, I heard what she said to you yesterday, and I thought Jacob..." I attempted explaining, but abandoned it. It sounded like bullshit now.

Alice continued to stare at me, her forehead creased with obvious pissed off frustration. "What the hell has Jacob got to do with this?!"

"He ... got up to threaten you yesterday…." Again I let it go, realizing the futility in it. The little rat had been right all along.

"That was about the Bella thing?" Jazz broke in, before the asshole laughed wholeheartedly.

"Don't worry, his girlfriend pulled him away, as usual," I muttered.

"Oh, and your point is?" Alice demanded.

I shrugged and offered her an awkward smile.

"See, this is what happens when you stick your big, fat nose into everything, Edward!" she screeched out again, and this time I did fucking cringe, but I couldn't blame her for being pissed. Ever since she'd got sick, she found it hard to feel comfortable around most people. Something _Jacob Swan's _cousin obviously didn't bring out in her.

"Okay, okay." I sighed.

"Fix it, Edward, and next time butt out of my business!" she snapped, fuming to herself, as Jazz wrapped his arms around her.

She looked past me then and her face warmed with an apologetic smile. I followed her gaze.

Bella had caught Alice's attention and was smiling back regretfully, but when her eyes met mine the smile instantly fell from her lips. She broke our gaze hastily, her expression darkening again.

Obviously I bothered the hell out of her, but all I could focus on was the fact that she had really fucking kissable lips...

"Jeez, douche bag, as if you needed Jacob to have any more ammunition against you," Jazz said with obvious amusement, while effectively snapping my attention back.

I mumbled something about Jacob jumping off a cliff under my breath, when I realized Alice's attention had suddenly zeroed in on me. She'd been watching me watch Bella...

"If you were so rude to her yesterday, why did you decide to sit here today knowing full well that…" The words instantly died on her lips as her eyes shone with immediate realization. You could practically see the cogs turning in her brain, as a huge knowing grin slowly broke across her face.

_Fuck me sideways, _I muttered under my breath.

I wanted to groan, but I also wanted to crack my head into the table for being a complete fucking idiot. What the hell was I thinking sitting with Alice?

"I-I was going to apologize. I figured here would be like common ground," I mumbled hastily, but it was all too little too late. Alice had worked it out just as she said she would, and I could only fucking blame myself.

"Well, I hope you're still going to apologize to her, Edward," she replied, her tone full of self fucking satisfaction, as her expression turned triumphant.

I huffed with irritation. "Of course I'm going to!" I glared at her, my expression making it very clear I no longer wanted to talk about it, while Jazz stared from Alice to me, and back again, his brow creasing with sudden curiosity.

All I needed now was that asshole to find out…

She changed the subject and turned her focus back to Jazz, but continued to glance at me periodically, smiling so smugly to herself that it was all I could do to not choke the little ferret to death. Instead, I suppressed a loud groan, and raked my hands through my hair; the effects of my frustration no doubt contributing to the state of it.

"There he goes again," Jazz blurted in exasperation, turning to Alice. "Tell me, Alley, did your Granny just die or something?"

"No," Alice answered, while that egotistical grin nailed to her face blatantly told me: _I told you I'd figure it out._

Just as I was contemplating walking out to beat my dumb ass head repeatedly into the wall of the gym, the bell rang. I was no longer as confident about Biology as I had been that morning. Bella's reaction to me was hostile at best, and any confidence I'd harbored about making peace with her was extinguished in that instant.

I figured she wouldn't exactly be impressed by how I'd acted the day before, but I wasn't prepared for how pissed off she seemed.

I thought back to Biology again, and immediately recalled how badly I'd treated her. I'd sat annoyed that I'd have to share my table with her, while at the same time, attempting to ignore the fucking elation. I had to keep reminding myself that she was Jacob Swan's cousin and probable accomplice, and this was when I lunged into another round of asshole behavior.

She'd sat next to me timidly, tucking a loose strand of her hair behind her ear, revealing to me her flushed, blotchy face. I was immediately fucking stonewalled by her again, and went back to questioning why I was even angry at her. I kept telling myself repeatedly that she was related to that pissant, Swan. Reminding myself again how much I couldn't fucking stand him, but by the time Bio ended, I was ready to concede defeat and was pissed off at myself all over again at being so fucking pathetic.

I had to accept that from Bella's point of view, I'd acted like a bastard. I'd treated her exactly like she'd just treated me; the only difference was I deserved it. Not only that, but I'd chosen the worst possible timing to unleash my over protective ignorance on her. She had every right not to want anything to do with me. Now the only thing I had to do was understand why the very idea of that made me feel so fucking anxious!

When I got to Biology half the class was already at their tables, including Bella. She, on impulse, looked over at me when I arrived, but then looked away almost instantly. Without deviating her eyes from the front of the classroom, she deliberately seemed to shrink into her jacket. She didn't look angry so much as she looked uncomfortable; as if I was some sleazy guy in a bar that she feared would spike her drink, and ironically, I preferred her anger.

Since she was sitting closest to the aisle, she had to pull her stool in to let me get past—something she did roughly and with impatience, huffing shortly to herself. I only broke into an immediate grin, knowing I was probably coming off as arrogant, but I couldn't help it.

I sat down beside her with my body temperature climbing. Her sudden proximity was compromising me, and this was before I caught the scent of her. She smelled like flowers, and that body spray shit girls put on, but fuck me, if it wasn't the most alluring thing I'd ever smelt!

This energy—or whatever the hell it was—I was feeling was making me suddenly confident, as if I was drunk. I cleared my throat. "Umm … Bella?"

This seemed to surprise her. She turned her head without facing me squarely, her forehead remaining knotted with the remnants of indignation.

"Yes?"

"I-I wanted to apologize for yesterday. I didn't mean to be such a jackass," I stammered, but didn't beat myself over it too much. I figured it would help prove my sincerity. She opened her mouth to reply, but I interjected quickly, "That reminds me"—I reached down into my bag and pulled out a ball point pen—"peace offering?" I held it out to her, smiling warmly and hoping I was putting together some kind of charm—but considering the uncomfortable degree my body temperature was climbing to, I was probably coming off as fucking sweaty.

She continued to gaze at me, her eyebrows pulling together slightly before her eyes flickered to the pen. For a split second it looked as though I had won her over; the irritation in her expression relaxed a fraction, and a ghost of a smile slowly curved on her lips. But before I could convince myself of it, her face clouded over again and the irritation crept back on her expression.

"No thank you. I brought extras today," she replied flatly before turning back to face the front of the class again.

She was stubborn!

I sighed shortly under my breath and rubbed the back of my neck. I was starting to feel ridiculously fucking over heated. I thought the day before was a one off and had something to do with being angry, but as I sat here again next to her with my entire body burning, I knew it was becoming a trend. Still, I glanced around the class quickly, checking to see if anyone else was complaining about the heat.

No one but me seemed bothered by it.

Taking a measured breath, I stole another glance at her; she was looking uncomfortable again, tugging on her lower lip. Her eyes flitted in my direction catching my gaze, before she tore them away again, her expression convincing me even more that she couldn't stand me.

I took off my jacket and placed it on the back of my chair. It didn't give me any relief at all, so I pulled my sweater over my head. I was _still fucking hot, _and dragging my fingers through my hair in frustration, I exhaled heavily.

Bella turned toward me then, a look of disbelief on her face.

"Why are you taking your clothes off?" she asked incredulously, immediately turning beet red before looking hastily away.

I broke into a grin, almost laughing, needing to cough it into my hand. I understood what she was getting at though, because she seemed to be in a permanent state of hypothermia. I glanced at her briefly, confirming that her irritation with me had returned. It didn't help that Thomas Knight, who was sitting in front of us, heard and turned around to face us.

"Way to go, Cullen!" He winked and nodded his head like the fucking pervert he was.

From beside me, Bella huffed and rubbed her forehead with her palm in an agitated way. Her expression had gone back to pale and hostile.

I leaned toward her, lowering my voice as the teacher, Mr. Banner, walked in the room. "I understood what you meant, Bella. It must be a bit of a climate shock for you here, huh?"

She threw me a fleeting glance before turning away and shrugging half-heartedly. "I'm getting used to it." She didn't look at me as she spoke.

I was close to giving up.

The class started and Mr. Banner began a lecture on the _appalling outcome_ of our test results as he handed them back one by one. I was only half listening; I was feeling defeated and that fucking anxious feeling was rising within me again.

"The only exceptions were Edward and Bella's results," he announced, stopping at our table to place our test sheets in front of us.

I'd gotten my usual mark in the high eighties, and Bella had gotten even higher with a mark of ninety-one. She picked up her paper and turned it over quickly, looking irritated and uncomfortable again. Then, biting down on her lower lip, she turned her head even further from my direction.

I was contemplating this reaction from her, when I became suddenly aware that Mr. Banner was eyeing me with suspicious looking concern.

"Are you feeling all right, Mr. Cullen? You look feverish."

Fuck me sideways…

I cringed as every pair of eyes in the room fell on me with sudden curiosity—including Bella's. A ridiculous part of me thought that Mr. Banner, along with Alice, and in all honesty, probably Jazz too, had worked out what Bella Swan was doing to me and was about to announce it to the class.

"I'm fine-Mr. Banner," I replied, stammering and clearing my throat awkwardly.

He didn't look convinced; he only eyed me for a moment longer then glanced at Bella before going back to handing out test papers.

I sighed inwardly before turning back to Bella.

"I'm sorry about yesterday, Bella, really," I said, my tone beseeching.

I was resorting to fucking pleading.

"Okay," Bella replied simply, without turning to look at me again.

"Don't you believe me?" I pulled on the collar of my shirt, becoming aggravated by this fucking heatstroke I was having.

She looked over at me this time, her deep eyes locking with mine, and again I thought I saw her expression soften momentarily. "Yeah, I guess so."

I opened my mouth to respond.

"Shh!" she cut me off, motioning towards the front of the room where the teacher was standing, beginning a new topic on the fucking "Endocrine System".

I begrudgingly gave up and half listened to the teacher's monotonous sounding voice, dejected and pissed off at myself that I was unable to crack her.

I didn't bother her for the rest of the class and she deliberately ignored me. It was awkward as all fuck! Her eyes glanced everywhere but in my direction, while the irritation she was obviously feeling about being next to me remained firmly fixed on her face.

At the end of class, she quickly gathered her books and headed out the door, well in advance of me. I had to practically run to catch up with her.

"Bella, wait up!"

She turned to face me slowly; she didn't look annoyed this time, just resigned. "What do you want, Edward?"

I paused for a moment, reveling in the sound of my name being spoken in that quirky accent of hers. Never mind that it wasn't said in the most welcoming of tones.

"Look, I feel really terrible about yesterday. Will you please accept my apology?" I continued to plead with her, keeping my tone sincere—obviously I had no fucking self-respect, at all.

She huffed shortly to herself, before blurting impatiently, "_Okay—_I accept your apology. Are you happy?"

"Not really," I muttered under my breath.

"Look, I have to go. I don't want to be late—I've got bloody gym," she mumbled, her forehead creasing with annoyance.

Whether she was annoyed at me or by the prospect of going to gym, I wasn't sure. I was willing to bet it was both, but still, it didn't prevent the grin that broke across my face before I could stop it.

She noticed, scowling at me with a look that clearly said, "go fuck yourself, asshole", before she stomped off toward the gym without looking back.

I just stood staring after her, before I scoffed out loud in complete frustration and awe. She had to be the most stubborn person I'd ever met, but I knew from that moment on that I was fucking _gone_.

**...**

Alice was waiting for me by the car at the end of the day. When she spotted me, she raised her eyebrows in anticipation. I only shook my head in reply to her silent question, and she immediately frowned, taking a deep annoyed breath.

"What happened?"

"I don't know—she won't accept my apology," I replied, frustrated that Bella had completely defeated me. I might have deserved it but—_fuck me_!

I unlocked my car and opened the door to get in.

"Why not?" Alice demanded, folding her arms across her chest.

"How the fuck do I know! You could have told me she was so stubborn!" I retorted, my frustration completely giving way to irritation.

Alice quickly cleared her throat and motioned with a covert shift of her eyes that Bella was no doubt approaching. I felt myself tense before I glanced over my shoulder. She was about ten feet away, walking towards us with her asswipe of a cousin and his girlfriend.

Jacob openly scowled when he spotted me. I glared back at him, before tearing my eyes away and allowing them to rest on Bella. She'd slowed down as she approached Alice and me, but didn't stop, and when her eyes met mine, it was fleeting. She still looked irritated by me, but when she turned to Alice she broke into a warm, genuine smile. My chest swelled; it was the second time I'd seen her smile and just like the day before, it jarred me. I just stared at her, blinking back the envy, wishing she'd direct that smile at me.

Alice grinned back broadly. "Hey, Bella. How was your second day?"

"Heaps better, thanks, Alice. I'll see you tomorrow," she replied. Her voice was warm and it created another surge of frustrated envy to fill me.

As Jacob passed me he snorted mockingly, but offered Alice a half-hearted smile. "See ya, Alice."

Alice looked almost amused. "See-ya, Jake."

Jake?

He turned back to me, flashing a cocky smirk in my direction, as anger immediately flooded my senses, my hands clenching into fists instinctively.

"Edward, stop!" Alice suddenly demanded.

I turned to her, huffing my breath with pissed off frustration. What I wouldn't do to wipe that fucking smile from his face!

"Don't let him get to you," she said with a sigh, half rolling her eyes.

"He doesn't," I mumbled stubbornly, throwing myself into the car.

"You could have told me, by the way," she added, turning to face me squarely, her expression earnest—almost.

"Told you what?" I asked her, starting the engine.

"That you've got a _serious_ thing for Bella," she answered, that sly, all-knowing grin breaking through her expression again.

I glanced at her briefly, feeling my expression darken, before pulling out of the school.

I didn't answer her; I just absorbed her words while my body temperature climbed the longer I contemplated them.

Was that all it was?

I glanced at her again; she was continuing to grin at me with that freaking murder inducing, self-satisfaction.

I sighed deeply, completely defeated.

_Evil little rat,_ I muttered beneath my breath.

* * *

**A/N: I tried to portray Edward as being likeable, but at the same time being a bit of a douchey manwhore. It was hard to find a balance. Let me know if I think I did ok, and** **s****pank you for the faves :D**


	6. Pink Pens part 1

**A/N: More from Edward. These first 6 chapters are really just establishing who Bella and Edward are, so it's kinda a lot of fluff and filler, until the plot starts to really kick in. It was a real struggle to make Edward cocky without making him too unlikeable. Is unlikeable even a word? Ugh it's too bloody late for this.  
Anywho...**

* * *

**CHAPTER 5**

**Pink Pens Part 1.**

**Edward's POV**

Yeah, okay, Alice had worked it out like she said she would, but she was pissing me the fuck off!

Pushing the gear stick in second, I turned her, glaring at her; telling her in no uncertain terms that if she gave me shit over this, I'd kill her. She only sat beside me smirking to herself smugly.

Huffing, I turned my attention back to the road, yanking the gear stick into third.

There was nothing I could say to the little rat—and that's what frustrated me most!

A moment later, she decided to start fucking humming. I only closed my eyes, internalizing my frustration as I shoved my car into forth, but otherwise ignored her.

I thought I'd did a good job at keeping my cool. I'd scoffed at her allegation and left it at that. The only thing was I immediately felt my fucking ears burn and knew it all but contradicted me. This in turn only sparked Alice's curiosity even more. I just didn't get why she was so damn invested in it.

Okay, I _did_ have a thing for Bella. So what!

With the urge to groan out loud, I shoved it from my mind. It sounded trivial and fucking ridiculous; as though we were in elementary school. Besides, what _I _felt was pointless; she couldn't stand me. She'd made that evident enough in Bio.

I had the sudden compulsion to start banging my head into the steering wheel; even with Alice sitting next to me with that smug ass I-told-you-I'd-figure-it-out expression on her face.

"Wow, Edward; you've gone quiet again."

I was itching to lean over her, open her door and shove her out. Instead, I picked up an empty soda can that was sitting in the drink holder and tossed it at her.

Naturally, I missed.

"Alice, wha—will you just give it a rest!" I wanted to sound all serious and threatening, but the tone of my voice only managed fucking jaded—if I was lucky.

"Leave _what _alone? she asked with over the fucking top innocence.

I took a short, impatient breath. "I'm going to Port Angeles, so I'll just drop you off in the driveway, okay?"

It was a spur of the moment decision. I needed to clear my head; not to mention put a large distance between the two of us.

"Cool, I'll come with!" she replied enthusiastically, flopping down the sun visor to inspect her reflection in the mirror behind it.

"To hell you are!" I declared, sounding more defensive than I did threatening.

"Oh come on, Edward!" She was fractionally more serious this time. "You know I'm only teasing you. Please can I come?"

"So you can continue giving me shit? Fuck that."

"Well, if you just told me what was going on..."

"What the fuck do you think is going on?" I snapped. "Didn't you see Bella? She can't fucking stand me!" I shifted down a gear, before thumping my hand back on the steering wheel.

I could feel the little ferret surveying me, and when I turned to glance at her the beginnings of a sly grin were tugging at her lips. "Who said I was talking about Bella?"

Pulling up in front of the driveway, I leaned over her and shoved open the door. "Get out!" I ordered her.

"I'm only joking! I promise—I won't say another word." She did the dumbass movement of locking her lips.

I snorted sarcastically. "What are you, five? Don't think I won't drag you out again." I opened my door and made a move to exit the car.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry!" she protested. "Please can I come? I do need to get a few things."

I huffed shortly; she was making me feel fucking on edge. "Fine—but I mean it, Alice. You can come, but if you give me any more crap, you're road kill. Got it?"

She sighed this time and nodded. "Okay, but you're going to have to fess up sooner or later you know, Edward."

"Whatever," I muttered.

**...**

"How you manage to never get speeding tickets is any one's guess!" Alice exclaimed, shaking her head to herself, about half an hour into the trip.

I only grinned lightly to myself, but didn't answer.

Prior to this, we'd spent the drive in pure blissful freaking silence, and I knew it was killing her. But just as I expected, when we were more than half way to Port Angeles—when I was less likely to turn around and dump her on our driveway at home—she turned to me with apprehension.

"You promised, Alice!" I exclaimed, impatient, squeezing my hands around the steering wheel so I wouldn't strangle her.

"I'm not going to tease you, Edward. I'm not. But what's going on? You're not behaving ... like you?" She was serious, as far as I could tell, but worse was she was right! Annoyingly fucking right.

I wasn't.

"Alice ..." I complained.

"Come on, Edward. It's me. Plus, you seriously owe me one after all the butting in you've done in my life lately."

"What the fuck do you think it's called that you're doing right now?" I scowled at her.

"Karma," she answered simply, smirking to herself.

I only huffed to myself. I guess she had a point, and because of it I was in a predicament I didn't know how to fucking handle. The idea of Bella hating me was causing me to feel like I was in a suspended state of fucking anxiety. I just wish I knew why I should even give a shit. I barely knew her, _and_ she was that asshole Swan's cousin.

I opened and closed my mouth several times procrastinating on what to say, before sighing lowly in frustration. "I don't know what to tell you, Alice," I finally admitted.

"Look, you don't have to tell me anything, but honestly, I don't see what the big deal is here. Would you be ashamed to be seen with her or something—because she's related to Jacob?"

"No…" I admitted quietly, feeling my brow bunch.

Ashamed wasn't the right word, after all.

"So, you _do_ like her?"

"You're killing me, Alice!"

She chuckled. "Well do you like her or not? It's not a hard question, Edward."

I was beginning to feel hot and uneasy again, and I wasn't even sure if I did like her—in the sense of the word, anyway. I hardly knew her. All I did know was that she had gotten _seriously _under my skin in a way that had reduced me to_ this _pathetic fucking state.

"Ok, I _like_ her, but as I said, she hates me," I confessed with a conceding sigh, shifting in my seat awkwardly before turning my eyes back to the road.

Alice scoffed. "That's easily fixed."

"Alice, I don't need you _fixing_ anything!" I burst out in angry frustration. "And you were supposed to be leaving me alone!"

"I promised not to give you shit over her and I'm not! Jesus, Edward!"

I turned to her again; she was looking at me with a screwed up brow, as if she was thinking I was nuts.

I was.

In hindsight, it really wasn't the smartest thing to do, spending an hour in the car with Alice scrutinizing my expressions and dissecting every word I spoke. I'd done it today during lunch and she snapped on to me in a matter of seconds. And now, my attempts to downplay the subject of Bella had only made her investment in it grow.

Throwing her an awkward smile, I let it go; she only returned it, rolling her freaking eyes at me.

**...**

Letting Alice come with me to Port Angeles was the second stupidest thing I'd done that day. I ended up following her around as she went into store after store, carrying her shit for her, like I was a fucking bell boy.

It wasn't a total loss, though; I did get an idea on what to do with Bella. As I followed Alice into a stationery store I knocked over a display, and a whole bunch of pink pens suddenly scattered around me.

It came to me immediately.

Picking up a box, I glanced down at them, feeling a smirk inch across my face. I realized I'd been going about it all wrong. There wasn't anything different about Bella; other than the fact that I'd screwed up her first impression of me. I just had to change tactics with her, and I knew what worked.

Along with the box of pens, I grabbed a sheet of pink card, and followed Alice to the cashier.

**...**

"So," Alice began, turning to face me after we climbed back into the car to head home again, her expression suspicious, "why do you look so happy with yourself all of a sudden?"

I snorted dryly. "So, I'm not allowed to look happy now? I wish you'd make your mind up."

"I didn't say that, but after all this inner turmoil of yours, it's a bit weird when all of a sudden you start grinning to yourself like a loon," she replied, her eyes narrowing as her curiosity increased.

I wanted to laugh, but stopped myself.

Inner turmoil? Was that how I looked like from Alice's point of view—from Jazz's?

Whatever the hell Bella had done to me, I had to accept it. Fighting it, while trying to understand it was obviously getting me nowhere, and I knew Alice would never let up on me while I was acting like a freak—not to mention the level of shit Jazz would give me. I wasn't going to curl up into a fetal position at the idea of Bella hating me. I decided, simply, that I'd _make_ her forgive me, and I wouldn't stop bothering her until she did. Besides, I kind of liked the fact that she was putting up a fight.

_She'll forgive me, or I'll wind up driving her insane,_ I thought to myself, breaking impulsively into a grin and needing to mask it from Alice's constant fucking surveillance.

"Edward, you've completely lost your mind!" she eventually exclaimed.

"What the fuck are you bitching about now?" I asked, dryly.

She arched an eyebrow skeptically at me. "You're acting like you have multiple personalities."

"You need to chill more, Alice. Think about _Jazmina _instead," I teased her, shrugging a shoulder and laughing further when she whacked me.

I was feeling more optimistic all of a sudden, and I preferred it over all this anxiety bullshit. Why Bella made me feel the way she did was irrelevant. All that mattered now was rectifying how she felt about me, and considering how stubborn she was, I didn't mind knowing that I might need to get creative with her.

**...**

"So, all you needed was some sea air then, Edward," Alice teased me as we walked through the front door.

"Yeah, sure." I rolled my eyes, throwing her a sarcastic grin before I made for the stairs and my bedroom a little too eagerly.

"I'll work on Bella for you tomorrow, big brother!" the little rat called from downstairs, making me cringe, praying Emmett wasn't home.

"Evil little ferret," I muttered to myself.

Pulling the box of pens and pink card—that I'd taken great lengths to hide from Alice—out of the paper bag, I sat for a moment deciding what to write. Ignoring my better instincts that told me how much of a pussy I was going to look like, I came up with something:

**Bella,**

**I should have given you a pen when you asked. But since I didn't I hope these will make up for it.**

**I'm sorry, please forgive me.**

**Edward.**

After folding the card, I stuck it to the box of pens, needing to push away any thoughts of Jazz's laughter if he had any idea what I was doing. It threatened to stonewall this whole pen thing before I got it off the ground. This was just the sort of thing the prick was waiting for.

I couldn't think too much on it, because it was more important to me that Bella forgave me, than looking like a serious dickhead if Jazz found out. But as I stared down at the corny little package, I found myself ironically hoping it would fail. I knew I could take it to some interesting extremes if Bella stayed stubborn, but it was extremes I really kind of wanted to push.

**...**

The next day didn't look like it'd be different from the day before. I ran into Bella a few times during the morning—okay, I went out of my way to run into her. She seen me once and immediately frowned, before turning away looking fucking bothered. I was hoping she'd go home the day before, see that being angry with me was ridiculous and put it behind her. It really threw me to discover she was still looking at me like I was a sleaze, and afterwards it had taken me a whole freaking hour to fully recover from it—as well as stop myself stalling on the pens.

English and of course slut-bag Stanley, but I was too distracted to be bothered by her. Though, she really was becoming a pain in the ass.

"Jeez, douche bag, are you blind? She totally wants you. What's the matter with you?" Jazz asked in a hushed tone, looking at me as though I'd lost my mind.

I scoffed blatantly. "I'd like her lot more if she had _any_ self-respect at all."

Jazz snorted and rolled his eyes. "What's self-respect got to do with—"

"Mr. Hale?" Mr. Cox called on him.

Jessica Stanley was the farthest thing from my mind at that moment. I was too busy being conscious of the box of pens in my bag, while the thought of giving them to Bella in Bio today was turning me into a fucking basket case.

After English, I was heading to the cafeteria, with my freaking head in the clouds, when I was shoulder barged, pretty roughly from behind. It knocked me forward, but I was too distracted to really react to it; I simply straightened back up and continued walking, not too bothered by it. I just figured it was accidental and went back to talking myself out of stalling on the gay little package in my bag.

It wasn't until Jazz mentioned it that I realized who it was. "Man, you're seriously gonna have to have it out with Jacob, and soon before he gets any bigger!"

"Huh?" I mumbled blankly, slowly coming out of the stranglehold of doubt I was wrestling with, to focus properly on what Jazz had just said. "Oh yeah—fucking asshole," I muttered. My tone hardened involuntarily, but my anger was only fractionally genuine.

Jazz only flashed me an odd, curious look, but I ignored him. I didn't want to waste time being pissed at Jacob, so I shrugged it off. He wasn't going anywhere, and neither was his problem with me, it seemed. I pushed it to the back of my mind, knowing it would come back all too soon. Jazz was right, though; I was going to have to deal with him before things went too far ... again.

Bella was sitting with Alice, and as soon as Jazz and I entered the cafeteria Alice flashed me a _sit-here-and-die_ look, before she turned to Jazz and blew him a kiss, winking fucking seductively. I stiffened and glanced away when my eyes inadvertently fell on Bella. Seeming to sense my gaze, she looked over in my direction and our eyes locked. My skin immediately buzzed with heat, and I was becoming too fucking conscious of it. It didn't really matter, anyway. Bella too quickly severed her gaze looking like she'd just stepped on a spider, and it wasn't until Jazz shoved me that I realized I was all but fucking staring at her from across the cafeteria.

"I don't think we're welcome anymore." Jazz laughed, shoving me again; which was code for acting like a jackass for Alice's benefit.

Shrugging the dickhead off me, I sat down at the table, pissed off. How many times was this girl going to fucking squash me before I had the sense to let it go? The idea of Jazz giving me shit over the pens in my bag was suddenly seeming a lot more important than whether Bella was going to change her opinion of me. I was close to throwing them in the trash.

"What the fuck are you sulking about, douche-bag?" Jazz asked me after surveying me for a minute and shaking his head to himself.

Dragging my hand back through my hair, I slammed it down to the table. "Maybe sitting next to you while you have fucking pornographic thoughts about my sister!"

His face actually went blank—completely fucking confirming it.

Huffing to myself in frustration, I got up from the table. I'd made up my mind to throw the lame-ass package in my bag away and be done with it. It was a stupid idea to begin with. What did it matter if one girl in the school didn't like me?

I had almost left the cafeteria when Alice and Bella came into my line of vision. They were obviously talking about me, looking directly at me. Or more accurately, Alice was talking to Bella about me, and whatever the hell she was saying had made a troubled look knot Bella's forehead. I wanted to roll my eyes, and say to her, "I fucking get it. You think I'm an asshole, but here's me not giving a shit anymore," but when her eyes connected to mine, they warmed and her expression softened out. She smiled then, with her lower lip half caught between her teeth, while she nodded her head to whatever the little rat was telling her. It didn't matter that she wasn't smiling at me, but it immediately jarred me, causing my body heat to start rising again. For all I knew she could have been laughing _at_ me, and it immediately pissed me off. I felt the scowl penetrate my expression, and in response her eyes widened, before something flickered in them and she hastily looked away. I continued to gaze at her for a few moments after, watching as her face darkened, and her expression turned back to aversion.

Fuck!

I suddenly recalled why I bought the damn pens in the first place and why it was so fucking important to get her to come around to me.

…

I arrived in Biology before Bella. In fact, she was one of the last to arrive. I suspected that she'd taken her time to delay having to sit next to me, but shook it off, irritated at how pathetic I was. If I was going to go ahead with the freaking pens, I had to stop thinking like a pussy.

"Hi, Bella," I said, offering her a friendly smile when she reached our lab table. Though there was no point in smiling, since she didn't glance in my direction at all.

"Hello, Edward," she replied, her tone fairly indifferent, before pulling out her books and sitting down.

With heat beginning to flood up my neck, I pulled my sweater over my head, before bending down to shove it in my bag. I noticed hers then; it was directly under her chair and she'd left it unzipped.

I quickly decided that the best course of action was to slip her the pens at the end of the class, knowing I'd probably have to distract her first. But I wasn't confident, and I still felt completely thrown by her. I was not used to girls looking at me like I was a fucking suspected sex offender, and I was beginning to think I was about to make a total ass out of myself and nothing more.

Of course, this is when Mr. Banner called my name; he was talking about something to do with the Digestive System.

"Er ... I'm sorry?" I stammered.

"Do you know the answer, Mr. Cullen?" He glanced at me over his glasses.

I shook my head and shrugged feeling like a total dickhead.

He sighed. "Miss Swan?"

"Epiglottis?" she answered with uncertainty.

"Epiglottis, very good," he said satisfied, before continuing.

I looked over at her; her cheeks were a shade deeper, and for a moment I was unable to tear my eyes from her. Hers flickered in my direction before she turned her head fully to meet my gaze. She gave me a confused, questioning look; though, the _touch-me-and-die-asshole_ expression was still prominently etched into her face.

Clearing my throat, I smiled quickly, before she could look away again. She smiled back, but it completely forced.

"Erm ... so, it seems like you already know all this stuff, huh?" I asked her, trying hard to keep my voice even.

She half shrugged, but didn't offer a reply.

I wanted to fucking cringe—and more so when I thought about the box of pens wrapped in that freaking pink card that was sitting in my bag, waiting.

Yet a part of me felt more determined by her stubbornness.

She turned to look back to the front of the class, with no indication that she was even aware of my presence.

_Fuck this_, I thought to myself, my frustration giving away to resolve. _I'm going to crack her!_

For whatever reason, Mr. Banner was watching me intently, so like the complete idiot that I was, I slipped Bella a note, writing:

**Do you forgive me?**

She gazed at it for such a long time that for a moment I thought she was going to ignore it. But eventually she wrote a reply and passed it back to me.

It read one word:

**Sure.**

I swallowed back the groan and fought the urge to rake my hands through my hair. It was obvious I wasn't going to get anywhere with her like this, so I made up my mind to leave her alone. I'd slip the pens in at the end of the lesson and make sure I seen her again before she went home, to gauge her reaction.

As absolute luck would have it, something happened that distracted her. When the bell sounded, Bella stood up, a little too quickly, and when she went to grab her books she stumbled and ended up pushing them over the front of her desk.

Huffing loudly and mumbling something that sounded like, "_bloody hell" _she stepped into the aisle to collect them. This is when I dove into my bag and transferred the pens into hers, before scrambling to my feet, flustered and no doubt guilty looking, to help her collect the rest of her books from the floor.

"Thanks," she mumbled, taking them from me. She looked up briefly and flashed me a small, tight smile, before exiting the room quickly—as if she couldn't get away from me fast enough.

I left well behind her, not feeling very fucking confident.

**...**

I was the first person to the parking lot that afternoon. I felt like shit. If it wasn't the constant heat stroke that Bella's proximity was causing me, it was the pathetic fucking onset of nerves. I still only wore my t shirt; my sweater and jacket were still stuffed inside my bag, as I waited, leaning up against the side of my car, ignoring my better instincts that told me to wait inside. The icy drizzle caused goosebumps to break out across my arms, but at that point I wasn't registering the cold. I was too fucking high strung.

Alice and Bella approached the car walking slowly, their heads huddled together. Bella was shrinking into her coat, her entire body looking rigid; her face windswept and flushed. My pulse quickened, or I became even hotter, I wasn't sure, but then she chuckled and my heart fucking stalled behind my ribs.

"See you tomorrow, Bella," Alice said warmly to her as they parted at the car.

"See ya, Alice!" she replied before she almost paused and looked over her shoulder; catching my gaze. There was a strange expression on her face; she looked almost curious, but at the same time, irritated. By me I could only assume, before she turned back around, and shrinking further into her coat, continued toward her car.

I felt the frown etch in my forehead rather than feeling it as a whole emotion. If she'd already discovered my pens that was _not _the reaction I was hoping for.

"Are we going or what, Edward? I'm freezing!" Alice exclaimed, getting quickly into the passenger seat.

"Just hang on a minute..." I replied, distracted, my eyes not severing from Bella.

As Bella approached her car, she reached into her bag—for her keys, I assumed—when she stopped walking mid-stride and peered into it. Then slowly—too fucking slowly—she pulled out my box of pens. This is when my fucking heart stalled, and for the longest time she seemed to gaze at them—just like she did with the stupid note I'd passed her in Biology. Eventually she plucked the note off the box, and opened it. Again it was if she was fucking frozen, emotionless, but then, the barest smile lit up on her face before she shook her head with the slightest movement.

But she was smiling—a real fucking smile.

She turned then, her eyes again meeting mine, before she held up the box in emphasis. Ok, her expression was slightly cynical, but her smile broadened.

I was immediately flooded by heat, and my fucking hands started shaking, but shoving them hastily in my jean pockets, I smiled back at her.

I think she might have rolled her eyes to herself, but her expression was warm—almost shy.

With my smile turning to a grin, I took one shaking, clammy hand out of my jeans pocket and waved to her in good-bye. She waved back, a little awkwardly, mouthing the word, "bye", before she turned back to her car.

It took a moment to register the incredible relief I felt. I hadn't realized how fucking overwrought I had become over this one moment.

Taking a huge breath, I turned to open the car door when my eyes met with Jacob's.

He'd stopped right in front of the car and was glaring at me.

"I'd seriously re-think that course you're on, _Cullen_. Unless you want me to put you on another one," he fucking threatened me.

My body went instinctively tense, my face darkening. "Just mind your own business, asshole!"

"When it comes to my family, it _is_ my business, Princess. So _stay away from her_." He was all but fucking growling at me.

"What are you going to do about it!?" I challenged him.

"Edward, get in the car!" Alice suddenly ordered me, impatiently

I tore my gaze from his, then without making a conscious decision to do so, my eyes turned in Bella's direction.

She'd been about to get into her car when she'd obviously heard the confrontation between Jacob and me. She had a troubled, fearful expression on her face as she stood surveying both of us, clutching my box of pens to her chest.

I tried to catch her gaze, but she deliberately avoided me, before she turned and climbed in her car.

I whipped my head back to Jacob, suddenly fucking pissed off. "If I was you, _Jacob_, I'd keep the fuck out of my way!"

"Oh, you promise, Princess?" He smiled smugly, and I had to physically restrain myself.

"You're an idiot!" I snapped, getting into the car and slamming the door shut.

"Edward, why do you let him get to you?" Alice asked with an exaggerated sigh.

I shrugged, started the engine angrily, and pulled out. As I drove passed Bella's Jeep, I glanced over; she appeared to be arguing with Jacob. I felt a conflicting emotion over it. While one part of me wanted to stop the car and rip that great ape's fucking head off, the other part of me was still on a high from the pens.

"So ... what was going on with you two just now, anyhow? Did I _actually_ see Bella smiling at you?" Alice asked me with a sly smile as we left the school grounds.

"It seemed that way..."I mumbled, smiling to myself.

"So you got her to forgive you then? What did you say?" she asked eagerly, making me feel like we were having some kind of fucked up, girly conversation.

"Um ... I wrote her a note," I admitted, becoming distracted as I watched Bella's Jeep through the rear view mirror. I kept an eye on it until she disappeared down a back street.

"A note?" Alice repeated dubiously, before she broke into laughter.

I sighed before turning back to her. "Do you want to interrogate me, Alice, or do you want to walk home?" I threatened her, only half joking.

She didn't reply, and when I glanced at her she was smiling over at me in that annoying, fucking all-knowing way of hers.

I dropped her off at the front of the house.

"I've got to go back to Port Angeles," I leaned over and said to her through the open door. She opened her mouth to reply, but I cut her off, "No, you're not coming!"

Pulling her door shut again, I reversed out of the driveway and out of Forks.

I bought eight boxes of pens this time—on the drive I'd come up with a few different things to do with them, and I needed a ton of them. I knew some of my ideas would be pretty evil, but I was riding high from my sudden success with her, and my confidence was returning.

I really wanted to torture her with these pens; I wanted to totally fuck with her.

**...**

The next day, I was armed with two boxes of pens, and spent the entire day stealthily planting them in the pockets of Bella's jacket and shoulder bag. It wasn't an easy thing to do; especially while I was avoiding freaking Alice, as well as trying to get some kind of control over my body. But the minute I got within six feet of Bella, I turned into a fucking sauna. Still, I managed to get about a dozen on her by the time Alice discovered what I was up to.

She caught me slipping a pen into Bella's pocket from behind and flashed me a bewildered look. I just shook my head and put my forefinger to my lips, grinning to myself. The little rat only rolled her eyes at me, but she didn't rat me out to Bella, at least.

At lunch, when Bella entered the cafeteria she looked completely flustered. She was carrying several pens in her hands and as she sat down a couple more fell out of her jacket. She paused for a moment, huffing angrily to herself before picking up the pens and slamming them down on the table. When she finished checking through her jacket, finding a couple more pens in them, she whipped her head around and locked her gaze to mine. I only flashed her a blatantly cocky grin and held my hand up in a wave. She looked caught off guard, almost dumbfounded, while her face flashed like a tomato. I couldn't tell if I was annoying her or cracking through her wall; all she did was blink a few times, looking jarred, before she severed her eyes from mine and turned back to Alice.

I was definitely having an effect on her, and unable to stop myself, I laughed openly.

I had a suspicion I had just taken the advantage back from Little Miss Stubborn.

Dropping his lunch tray on the table, Jazz sat beside me.

"Hey, dude," he said, as he shoved fries down his throat, before he paused, gazing at me blankly. "Why the hell do you have a pink pen behind your ear? You look gay!"

I chuckled to myself and took it out. "I forgot I left it there."

"What are you doing with pink pens, anyway?" he asked, becoming curious. He was glancing from Alice to me and back again, repeatedly, his confusion slowly fading out. He'd obviously spotted the pink pens lying in front of Bella and put two and two together, because he suddenly exclaimed with a triumphant grin, "You've got a thing for the new girl, haven't you? Bella Swan."

"Kind of, I guess," I admitted with half a shrug. The words had flown out of my mouth without hesitation that for a moment I was stumped.

Jazz thought nothing of it, making me wonder how I expected him to react.

"So, you gonna ask her to Rob's party?" he asked, not seeming terribly interested in my answer, as his eyes turned in Alice's direction again.

I still felt jarred but quickly realized that his mind was momentarily being controlled by his dick. "Ah ... I'm not sure. Maybe."

He turned back to me and his grin was suddenly turning sly; I only had seconds. "Hang on, I thought she hated you?"

"Yeah, well ... I'm working on it," I mumbled to myself.

He snickered. "Hasn't she fallen in love with you like all the other girls yet, Eddie?"

"Fuck you, _Jazmina_," I retorted awkwardly, wishing he'd tire of the conversation already and go back to his pornographic thoughts of my sister. I could see it in his eyes; the more we stayed on the topic of Bella, the more he remembered all the shit I gave him over Alice, and the more he realized what he owed me.

"Well, good luck with that." He snorted, chuckling to himself like the pissant he was.

I only sighed.

After that, every time I turned my head even close to Bella's direction, Jazz snickered. The few times I caught her gaze, she turned away quickly, her brow knotting, looking more and more uncomfortable.

I wasn't sure if the first batch of pens was a failure or not, but it was obvious I was beginning to get under her skin. She hadn't come completely around to me yet, but that hostile look she kept on her face for me was definitely fading.

**...**

Alice caught up with me as I was making my way to Biology; falling in step with me without stopping.

"I have much to tell you, brother dearest," she said covertly to me with a broad grin on her face, before she hurried her step ahead of me.

I was sort of counting on Alice to fill me in on Bella's reaction—so long as I could make it seem like she was offering information on her own admission, that is. Though, it was all kinds of fucked up that I was having these kinds of conversations with my sister.

This was what I had to resort to.

Again, Bella was the last to arrive for Bio, and judging by her agitated state, I was guessing this time it was to deliberately delay our class together.

Striding over to our table, she slammed down a fist full of pens, before sitting down on her stool with an impatient huff. "Okay, Edward—I get it!" she burst, turning to completely face me.

I replied with what I knew was an egotistical grin, and asked, "I'm sorry? What do you get?"

She only gauged me for a moment, her eyes narrowing, before she arched her brow skeptically, and I was getting the impression that she wasn't half as angry as she wanted me to believe.

"Do you forgive me?" I asked her. I was being an arrogant prick, but I couldn't help it, and I enjoyed annoying her.

"I said I did, didn't I?!" she snapped, huffing her breath again.

I broke into an immediate grin, snorting it shortly through my nose. "Well, then if you've really forgiven me, you'll agree to hang out with me on the weekend."

She opened her mouth to reply, but faltered looking conflicted. Then, scoffing to herself, she turned away from me without offering a response.

I wasn't deterred; leaning toward her I said lightly, "I guess you need more pens to think about it."

She whipped her head back to me just as Mr. Banner walked in, and suddenly our faces were centimeters apart. She immediately drew in her breath in surprise, looking flustered, while the words died on her lips.

I pulled back quickly, my fucking body temperature burning through to the surface of my skin. I had no clue she smelled so good!

A moment later, appearing more collected, she threw me a glare; she didn't look very threatening.

I broke into a light chuckle, keeping my violently shaking hands out of view. "You were saying, Bella?"

Again she didn't reply; instead, with her face glowering, she turned back toward the front of the class.

About ten minutes into the lesson she slipped me a note:

**No more pens okay?**

Fighting back the urge to grin, I deliberately waited a few minutes before I replied and slipped it back to her.

**Sure**

This pissed her off, and with a short, sharp breath, she yanked her note book back in front of her then pointedly ignored me for the rest of Biology. In fact, she seemed to make a conscious effort not to allow her eyes to even accidentally glance in my direction, even a fraction. I just sat next to her, grinning to myself broadly, like a complete asshole, but fuck it, I couldn't help it.

She was cracking.

**...**

We had a two-hour baseball drill that afternoon. We were playing Rochester High the next day; they were last year's winners, beating us in the championship match by one run. During the final game, I'd let a home-run ball go over the boundary, and it had haunted me ever since. I needed to redeem myself, and during practice it was the first time in a week that Bella wasn't monopolizing my every thought.

By the time I got home, I was starving. I headed straight into the kitchen via the back door, and as I walked into the room, I was ambushed by Emmett. Wrapping his arm around my neck in an almost suffocating fucking stranglehold, he practically folded me in half.

"Duuuuuude!" he drawled. "I hear you're stalking Bella Dundee!"

He dragged me around the kitchen in the crook of his arm as he made himself a sandwich with asshole over confidence, knowing there wasn't a damn thing I could do to get out of his grip.

I groaned loudly feeling the anger—and lack of oxygen—blaze in my face. "Okay, okay!" I bellowed, struggling against him. It was futile, Emmett had won every fucking award there was to win in wrestling and he outweighed me by at least forty pounds.

"Is this the chick you've been brooding over?" He snorted and suddenly let me go; I dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

Getting up, I elbowed him out of the way to get to the refrigerator—he barely budged—grabbed a donut, and ate it in two mouthfuls as the blood slowly circulated back to my brain. My head was fucking pounding and I wanted to rub the back of my neck but there was no way I'd give the asshole the satisfaction.

"By the way, we're fending for ourselves again tonight. Mom and Doc Hollywood are eating out," he said offhandedly, before taking a gulp of milk straight from the carton.

"Okay," I mumbled with half a shrug. It was a facade and I wanted to groan loudly. No doubt Alice would hang out with Jazz until Mom and Carlisle got home. It was too long for me to wait for her to tell me what happened with Bella in class that day.

Jesus, how fucking pathetic could I get?

Emmett shoved me, breaking me from my thoughts. "So what's this pen business Rose was telling me about?"

"I dunno. I gave her a pen," I replied, feigning ignorance, before grabbing a can of coke from the refrigerator and sitting down at the table.

He glanced at me with full amusement. "What's the matter, doesn't the Edwina Cullen charm work on girls from down under?"

Emmett would easily give me shit about this for the next five years if I wasn't careful. I had to steer him off the subject, knowing there was only one fucking way of doing it.

With an internal groan, I walked over to him casually, with the pretense that I was going back to the refrigerator, then without a pause, I shoved him as hard as I could in the back of the head. The carton of milk he'd been about to take another gulp from, splashed over his face. I snickered at the comical sight of it before bolting for the stairs with him right behind me.

I was faster and I made it to my bedroom, locking the door behind me with plenty of time to spare, before collapsing on my bed out of breath and laughing.

Still, I knew sooner or later I'd have to pay heavily for it.

Emmett barged on the door and bellowed, "You have to come out sooner or later, pretty boy!"

Even though I knew he wanted to sound threatening, I could hear the smirk in his tone.

"Fuck you—that was payback!"

"I wouldn't count on it, Edith," he replied, his words fading away as he retreated back down stairs.

Rose, no doubt. Rose was the only person who could distract Emmett from beating the shit out of me; even if it was in good humor.

A moment later, I heard Alice's voice on the stairs, and hauling myself off the bed, I opened my bedroom door a little too fucking eagerly—fighting the urge to cringe. Jazz wasn't with her at least; she was chatting on her phone.

Meeting my gaze, she smiled in that all knowing way of hers, switching her phone off.

"Calm down, Edward. You look like you're about to have a stroke." She laughed lightly, walking into my room.

I sighed. Could I be any more of a pussy?

"Just lay it on me, Alice," I muttered, rubbing the back of my neck where fucking Emmett had practically crushed it earlier.

"There's nothing to lay on you. This pen thing of yours today worked perfectly," she answered, looking almost arguably impressed.

I faltered. "It ... did?"

She chuckled to herself and nodded. "Uh-huh. It was really funny, actually. Every class we went to she'd find these pink pens stuffed all over the place. In English, she pulled out her books and about ten of them fell everywhere. Mr. Berty told her she might like to get a case to hold them all. Her face went bright red and she said to me"—she paused to put forward her best Australian accent—"_I'm gonna kill your bloody brother._"

I laughed whole-heartedly.

"She's making out she's annoyed, but she's so the opposite. Her face was going all gooey by the end of the day." Alice continued to chuckle to herself, before directing it at me broadly.

"Well, thanks for that, Alice," I mumbled, running my hand back through my hair, and breaking her gaze, beginning to feel awkward.

"No probs," she replied. "I'll leave now, before you ask for a makeover!"

Fuck my life.

She sprang out of the room laughing before I had a chance to throw her ass out.

* * *

**A/N: Ye gods he's uptight~**


	7. Pink Pens part 2

**A/N: Edward, Mr can-get-any-girl-he-wants Cullen, realises that Bella **_**isn't**_** like any girl, this chapter.**

* * *

**Chapter 6**

**Pink Pens part 2**

**Edward's POV**

As I drove Alice to school the next morning, she warned me that Bella would probably be keeping an eye out for me. I'd figured that would happen and was already beyond planting pens in her pockets. I was armed with three boxes in my bag, and I expected to put every single one of them to use.

When I glanced at her, she had a slight smile on her face. I definitely didn't want to get into another girlie talk with her regarding Bella, so I decided to play it cool.

"Yeah, thanks for the heads up," I mumbled, though a grin twitched at my lips threatening to give me away. Not that Alice was in the dark about anything when it came to me these days.

She scoffed under her breath, rolling her eyes for added measure, but didn't reply. Anything she'd say wouldn't deter me from this point anyway. I cracked Bella yesterday; today I was going to completely break her.

The plan involved me being late for a few classes, but it was the only way I could pull it off without her noticing me.

I waited around after the first bell rang for Home Room, under the pretense of getting shit from my locker, until the halls were almost completely empty. Then, making absolutely sure that neither Bella nor Alice were anywhere in the near vicinity, I went over to Bella's locker and pushed a dozen pens through the air vents.

I ended up having to run to first period, fighting the urge to snicker to myself and probably looking like I had a freaking screw loose.

It was a bit of a gamble, but I figured Bella probably wouldn't need to go to her locker until after first period. To make sure, I arrived well before she did, practically shoving everyone out of my way to get there before she did.

Once there, I hung by my locker pretending to be preoccupied as I sorted through my books, with my stomach freaking twisting with anticipation. She came by a couple of minutes later, and I blew out my breath in relief. Only I almost lost it then and there and burst out laughing. As she approached she looked edgy and paranoid. She kept glancing over her shoulder every few seconds, even spinning around to confront whoever bumped her in the crowd. She, no doubt, expected to see me lurking near her.

I swear, if she wasn't so funny, a part of me might have felt bad for torturing her.

Sighing with what looked like frustration, she reached her locker and noticed me by mine. I immediately broke into a wide, deliberately cocky grin and waved. She just stared at me for a moment, her mouth slightly agape, before she smiled awkwardly back. When she turned back to her locker again, she looked irritated; as if changing her mind on what reaction to have to me, before she unlocked and opened the door.

My pens immediately spilled out everywhere, scattering and rolling around her feet.

Clamping my hand over my mouth, I snorted my laughter through my nose, while it took every ounce of my self-control not to succumb completely to it.

She stood frozen for a moment before she brought her palm slowly up to her forehead and rubbed it with obvious exasperation. In the next instant, she whipped her head in my direction and glared at me. She still didn't trust me, that was evident enough, but I suspected she wasn't as angry as she wanted me to believe.

I walked past her with a completely mocking look of innocence on my face, having to seriously fight off the grin as I did. I didn't look in her direction, because her expression would have been the freaking end of me. Instead, I heard her draw in her breath and huff loudly, before she slammed her locker with a loud bang.

When I rounded the corridor, I let it go and laughed to myself all the way to my next class.

The next time Bella went to her locker was after third period. I hid from her view this time and watched as she opened the door with apprehension. When she was satisfied no pens were going to fall out, she hastily grabbed her books before heading to her class, continuing to scan the hallway suspiciously.

I was biding my time before I used the next box of pens; I needed her to let her guard down again.

**...**

"If you don't get over this bullshit with Bella and screw up in the game today, I'm going to tell her you have a serious hard-on for her!" Jazz threatened during English, his eyes narrowed as they surveyed me. He was only half-joking—as far as I could tell.

I remained indifferent, though I couldn't deny that the very possibility of it made me want to break into a sweat.

"Just worry about your own game today, dickhead!" I replied shortly, sounding too defensive.

"I'm not the space cadet these days remember, douche-bag. You are."

"No, but you're a nagging bitch," I retorted, snorting beneath my breath when his brows shot up, offended.

Mr. Cox cleared his throat loudly, cutting off Jazz's next remark.

"Motherfucker," he muttered so only I heard him.

"Ouch."

As the bell for lunch signaled and everyone piled into the hall, heading to the cafeteria, I went in the opposite direction.

"Where the hell are you going now, asshole?" Jazz asked, his forehead creasing with impatience.

"I've got to do something; I'll be two minutes," I replied over my shoulder as I made my way towards the lockers again.

I was hoping, since we had Bio after lunch, Bella would need to get her books—thinking the locker incident this morning was a one off.

Opening two boxes of pens, I pushed all twenty-four of them through the vents, grinning to myself slyly before I hauled ass back to the cafeteria. I didn't want to blow it by arousing Bella's suspicions if she saw me arrive late, after all.

Jazz had just entered the cafeteria when I caught up with him, while Alice and Bella were just ahead. As I watched her, I realized she wasn't as on edge as she had that morning, but there was still something about her that made me worried that I'd never be able to crack her. That she was a lot different than the other girls—and not just the fact that she was from another country.

Jazz suddenly nudged me. "Aww Bella, she's so _hawt_!" he mocked me, snickering to himself.

This was five seconds before Emmett walked past me, shoving me as he went and commenting loudly, "Edwina, are you _BLUDGING_?"

I bowed my head, groaning only fractionally beneath my breath as asshole Jazz turned up his laughter.

If Bella heard, she made no indication of it.

I steered Jazz onto the subject of our game during lunch, and it worked enough to stop the pissant from saying the word _'bloody'_ every time he opened his mouth. It worked both ways in that it kept Bella from my thoughts for the most part. I needed the practice, and with the next batch of pens waiting in her locker, it was threatening to be detrimental to my game.

I glanced over at her once, subconsciously. She was sitting at the table with Alice and Rose, not talking but chewing on her lower lip, looking lost in her thoughts.

I felt myself smile almost involuntarily, while Jazz groaned loudly. "Back to the game, Cinderella."

"You worry about your own game, asshole," I retorted with an impatient sigh, looking down at my folded arms with irritation. I didn't give a shit how much Jazz thought he owed me. I was no longer seeing the humor in it.

**...**

"I'll meet you after Bio," I mumbled to him after the bell rang for sixth period. Distracted, my eyes trailed after Bella and Alice as they left the cafeteria.

We had to skip last period to make the game at 3:15.

"Remember what I said," Jazz warned me, following my gaze and sighing exaggeratedly.

I needed a new strategy with this asshole, so I called his bluff. Turning to him, I gathered all my confidence together with a shrug of my shoulder. "You can tell Bella whatever you like. I'll just tell Alice about you and that girl from Arlington High last year."

He immediately paused, an anxious look creeping into his eyes as he stared at me, gauging the seriousness of my threat.

The night before Jazz finally grew a spine and asked out Alice, he got together with some random girl from the baseball team we'd played. She threw herself all over him, and he just went with it, all without ever knowing her name. Now, the moron lived in fear everyday of Alice finding out. It wasn't as if he'd technically done anything wrong—not that I was going to tell the prick that anyway.

"Stop being such a pussy, _Jazmina_. Worry about your own game." I headed out of the cafeteria without another word.

Bella was chatting with Alice beside her locker by the time I caught up with them. I pulled my locker open and fumbled for my biology textbook, my eyes not swaying an inch from her. She was dialing in her combination, still casually chatting with Alice, and when she pulled the door open, without any of the apprehension she'd had previously, all twenty-four of my pens dropped out and scattered around her again. Twice as many as this morning.

"Oh my _bloody_ God!" she exclaimed impulsively.

I turned to close the door of my locker, barely able to contain my laughter, snorting and choking it out with my back to her.

"Your brother is _driving me nuts_!" she blurted to Alice before I turned back around to her again.

She closed her locker, her shoulders rising then falling as she took a deep breath, before slowly turning in my direction.

She held my gaze for a moment, her eyes narrowing with suspicion, and irritation, but her expression was reflecting something else; something I doubt she wanted me to see, because I seriously suspected Little Miss Stubborn was coming around to me—and she knew I knew it.

So fuck it, while I had taken back the advantage—even if it was just for a moment—I was going to push her.

I winked at her, and of course to completely contradict me, her expression turned cynical again, having absolutely no effect on her at all, then rolling her eyes, she turned her back on me.

That's how long my advantage lasted.

When Bella entered the class, her general demeanor cemented the fact that she was more annoyed by my attempts to charm her than anything else. She had a faint smile on her face, but it had gone back to looking forced. I had a feeling it was some kind of fucking obligatory response, and I was close to giving up.

Then, as she sat down in her seat, she turned to face me and flashed me a wry smile. She wasn't charmed, she wasn't flattered; it was a 100% I-can-see-right-through-you-asshole reaction, but there was something almost teasing about it at the same time.

As if she was challenging me...

But then masochism and me were one and the same these days; what the hell did I know...

She plonked her bag on her lap and unzipped it to grab her textbook. I noticed it sitting among a sea of my pink pens, and on impulse I laughed softly, needing to smother it behind my palm.

Her eyes flickered in my direction before she shook her head with the barest of movement. Her smile reappeared only fractionally on her lips before it faded, and she turned her attention to the front of the classroom just as Mr. Banner entered.

This girl was totally owning my ass.

The class began and Bella went back to her natural stance of neither ignoring nor acknowledging me. I just sat completely fucking deflated, and about to admit defeat, when suddenly, her head snapped up and her gaze locked onto the pen I was using for several seconds before her eyes slowly rose to meet mine.

I was using one of her pink pens—I didn't even realize...

I only gazed back at her questioningly, because let's face it, I had no idea how to engage her, and I was tired of her completely squashing me.

She continued to stare at me, her forehead creasing in a bewildered kind of awe. "Are you _trying_ to drive me crazy, Edward?"

Releasing my breath, I broke into a grin. I couldn't help it; it was the way she'd pronounced my name. _Edwud._

"I'm just trying to get you to forgive me," I replied honestly, with half a shrug.

"I already _said_ that I forgive you," she stressed, her eyes analyzing me more, as if I was confusing her.

"Then you'll hang out with me this weekend to prove it?" I asked, raising my brow with questioning emphasis.

She sighed a little too loudly, and Mr. Banner's scrutinizing gaze fell on us.

"I don't have to _prove _anything," she whispered in irritation, and if this was any other girl I'd take it as flirting, but not her…

"Okay, then, have it your way," I said with a sigh, conceding defeat, before turning my attention back to the open textbook in front of me.

Forcing her breath through her nose, she turned away from me in an angry motion. I was about to ask her what the fuck I'd done this time, but as her long hair whipped out, I was engulfed by the fucked up scent of it. It immediately flooded my senses, making the blood in my veins run even hotter; threatening to give me a freaking boner.

I had to admit it, I was completely out of my depth. I only sat beside her wondering if I should continue to attempt conversation with her, realizing that what I was doing was _not_ working. But I had no idea what else I was supposed to do. I tried telling myself that I shouldn't give a shit, and it was better in the long run that I didn't pursue her—especially since her asshole cousin was taking a massive exception to it, but I knew it was bullshit. I _wanted_ to work her out—if only because she was a girl unlike any I'd ever known.

Plus, she really was cute, and what made her more appealing was that she didn't have any idea just how much.

As it was, Bella decided to ignore me again for the rest of the lesson, seemingly completely oblivious—or indifferent—that it was actually _her_ that was driving _me_ nuts.

At the end of the lesson, I turned to her; she was shoving her book back into her shoulder bag, still looking flustered.

"I'll see you Monday, Bella," I said, my tone reflecting just how uncertain I was feeling.

She stared at me for a moment, her forehead furrowing in confusion. "Are you going home now?"

"I've got a baseball game right now. You should come and watch; it'll get you out of gym," I offered, before biting down on my lip, frowning to myself lightly. Bella being at the game was probably not a good idea.

_Fuck!_

I swallowed, then quickly cleared my throat and hoped she didn't notice how much that one sentence had my stomach in knots.

"Uh . . . maybe," she replied awkwardly, but offered me up a smile, slinging her bag over her shoulder.

I nodded, putting my jacket back on with clammy hands despite the fact that I was still overheated. I couldn't make up my mind whether I was disappointed or not. Bella watching me play baseball was something I'd need more than an hour's preparation for. If she came at that point, I would more than likely completely screw up, and Jazz would be pissed enough to act on his threat.

"Well, if I don't see you there, have a good weekend," I replied, my voice too soft, before throwing her a conceding smile.

She nodded, looking suddenly distracted. "You too, Edward," she mumbled, before her eyes rose to meet mine, just as a wry, almost warm smile lit up on her face, "and thanks for the pens."

And with that said, she walked out of the classroom, leaving me staring after her in complete bewilderment.

She'd honest to God made me a lost cause, and it suddenly occurred to me that it was the most she'd ever said to me.

All at once I got it.

She responded to me only when I wasn't acting like a cocky prick...

**...**

I noticed Alice and Rose immediately. They were close to the barrier fence—noticeably without Bella.

It was probably a good thing; this girl drove me completely crazy, I'd be too overwrought. I tried to convince myself it was for the best, but my heart still sunk like a freaking rock to the pit of my stomach.

"Hey, douche bag, heads up!" Jazz called to me from his position on first base.

I caught the ball a second before it struck me in the head.

We were warming up, the game about to begin, and I knew that I had to shake Bella from my thoughts, but I was failing miserably.

"Come on, Edward. Snap out of it!" Jazz called in frustration.

I threw the ball back with as much strength as I could manage. Jazz caught it, but I knew I hurt his hand. Flashing him a sly grin, I called back, "Arlington High chick, _Jazzy pants_!"

Chuckling and shaking his head, he turned back to home plate.

The game with Rochester High was almost three hours long. We took the lead in the fourth inning and won the game by a single run. Jazz hit a home run, and I almost killed myself stopping a ball from going over the boundary, but I'd successfully kept Bella out of my mind for the majority of the game.

Afterwards, Alice came onto the field and threw herself into Jazz's arms. I walked past them cringing, eager not to have to witness more of them than I already had over the last couple of weeks.

"Hey, good match, dude!" Jazz said to me as I passed.

I turned back to him; he was smirking at me knowingly, and grinning to myself, I replied. "I told you not to worry, didn't I?"

"I would've made good on my promise," he added, his smirk turning sly.

"So would I," I replied without a pause, inclining my head fractionally towards Alice, and snorting as his eyes widened in sudden fear.

I left him to explain to Alice the meaning behind it and went to have a shower in the locker rooms.

After the game, Alice dragged me along with her and Jazz and a couple of other guys from the team for Pizza as a kind of celebration. I really wasn't in the mood for the two of them, but she'd indicated that she wanted to talk to me—about Bella I could only assume. Not that I'd enjoy that any better. Alice seemed to think that just because I had some kind of thing for one of her friends, that I was now a part of her girly clique to gossip with while getting our freaking nails painted.

And it was fucked up that I had to rely on Alice with Bella.

As we sat in a booth reading the menus, Alice leaned over to me and quietly said, "You know, I think Bella was going to come and watch today, but in the end she didn't because of Jacob."

I felt myself stiffen, but I wasn't sure I really believed her. Alice had been insistent the pen thing with Bella was working, but from my point of view, it was becoming an abysmal failure. Besides, all the shit with the pens would probably get me nowhere since she went home every afternoon with that fucking prick, Jacob.

I let go of my breath, but didn't reply, and Alice continued, "She keeps asking me what happened with you two."

"Tell her," I said with a shrug, not really caring anymore; at least, that's what I was telling myself…

Alice paused, gauging me skeptically. "What's going on with you, Edward? You're over her already?" Her eyes suddenly narrowed.

I laughed sarcastically. "_Over_ her—she thinks I'm a piece of shit."

Rolling her eyes, Alice huffed out her breath, sounding impatient. "She does not."

Shrugging again, suddenly feeling restless and on edge, I reached up to rub the back of my neck, if only to avoid the little rat's accusing gaze. "I don't want to talk about this, Alice."

I'd known Bella a week—that was it. I'd put myself through less shit over a girl for _a lot_ more, but it wasn't like I could admit it to Alice, so I let it go.

There was silence again, and when I glanced back over at the little rat her eyes were widening, looking fucking flabbergasted. "Holy shit, this girl has done a real number on you, hasn't she?"

**...**

Saturday morning, I was driving back to Port Angeles. I enjoyed the drive; the monotony of it helped me think. In addition, the stationary shop had ridiculous amounts of _pen things _as well as endless reserves of boxed, pink pens; which was the reason I was going back again.

My freaking sister was right—not that I'd ever tell her that—Bella _had_ done a number one me, and it only made me more determined. I knew how to engage her now, but I was still completely thrown by her that I needed the pens as a platform.

An hour later, the stationary bag in one hand, a coffee in the other, I was heading back to my car.

As I threw the bag on the front passenger seat and got behind the wheel to drive home, I noticed the receipt from the stationary store had fallen out of the bag. I wouldn't have bothered with it, except there was something written on it. I reached over to grab it, examining it more closely. There was a phone number written on it and the name _Lyndsey_ followed by the words _call_ _me_ inside a love heart. Feeling my face flame, I desperately tried to recall the sales person—who obviously suspected that all my visits to the store were because of her—or him!

Shit, I was at a loss. I had no memory of Lyndsey—male or female—mainly because every time I was in the store, my entire thoughts were of how to crack Miss Stubborn.

Laughing lightly to myself, I started the car.

I didn't see Alice again until Sunday morning at breakfast. I asked her if she remembered the sales assistant from the stationary store in Port Angeles. She shook her head blankly, and when I told her about the receipt, she burst into laughter.

"You might have to come with me and get the pens for me next time. I don't want to give this poor girl the wrong impression," I said, rubbing my chin wryly.

"What's with the pens anyway," Alice asked, her brow creasing as she surveyed me. "Just _talk_ to her."

"I can't _talk _to her," I replied, mocking her, "because she looks at me like she thinks I'm going to slip a roofie in her drink."

The little rat seemed to find this amusing. "Would you believe me if I told you the fact that she even speaks to you is _momentous_ compared to how she is with the other guys at school. You should have seen the way she looked at Newton Friday—I don't think she's comfortable with guys in general."

I only gazed her for a moment, contemplating it, before asking, "What's that all about, anyway?"

Alice shook her head, a troubled look etching across her forehead. "I don't know. . . I don't ask her about Australia or anything, because she immediately changes."

"What do you mean '_changes_'?" I prompted her.

"She gets this ... _traumatized_ look in her eyes," Alice answered, her voice dropping, her eyes holding mine seriously.

"But she seems pretty comfortable around her asshole cousin," I pointed out, my thoughts drifting back to her on Friday. I'd tried flirting with her, and she'd shut me down instantly, but I couldn't say she was still _uncomfortable_ around me...

"He's about the only one," Alice said, breaking me from my thoughts, and when I glanced back up at her, her grin grew sly, "along with you—considering how much she talks about you..."

My initial reaction was surprise, before I found myself smiling—completely involuntarily.

Alice only rolled her eyes at me before they rose to glance over my shoulder just as I received an almighty whack to the back of my head that had me seeing stars.

"_JESUS, EMMETT_!" I roared in exasperation.

He sat down at the table and grinned at me with satisfaction before saying, "I heard you had a good game last night, Edith."

"Yeah, didn't see you there," I muttered, running my hand to the back of my head where the asshole had just punched me.

"I was there, but I had to leave around the fourth inning." He shrugged simply. "I saw Little Miss Down Under there, though. I think she might have a _bludging _crush on you—Jesus, what!?" he suddenly exclaimed, no doubt by the complete, fucked up look of, suddenly horny, shock that I could feel transforming my expression.

"Bella was there?" It was Alice who replied while I pulled myself together. I was suddenly roasting, and rock-fucking-hard.

Emmett nodded. "She was with the girl with the weird-ass name. Jacob's chick."

Alice threw me a small encouraging grin while the heat plateaued to my freaking ears. All the while, Emmett was noticing the exchange between Alice and me, a canny grin spreading slowly across his face.

"Edwina," he drawled with a triumphant fucking look on his face. "So you _do _have a bludge for Miss Dundee..." He winked.

I sighed to myself under my breath. With Emmett knowing, my life would officially suck for the next twelve months.

**...**

The next morning and for the first time in an age, I drove to school without Alice. Jazz had come to pick her up that morning, blocking me in the driveway while I was stuck behind them as they _said _their _hellos. _It lasted ten fucking minutes.

Becoming impatient, I honked my horn, watching through their rear view mirror as they pulled apart. Jazz waved to me briefly before pulling away.

I overtook them a minute later. I couldn't get to school fast enough, which probably wasn't such a good thing considering how on edge I was getting. The heat was already prickling to the surface of my skin, making me uncomfortable enough to want to rip my pants off.

I avoided Bella for most of the morning. I felt like a freaking firecracker, and I was sure I looked as fucked up as I felt. I saw her by her locker before first period as I was gathering my books for my first few classes. She was gazing at the door of her locker, looking as though she was contemplating whether to open it or not. I only smiled lightly to myself, before closing my locker and walking to class before she had a chance to notice me.

I didn't put any pens in her locker that day; in fact, I completely left her alone. It was obviously lost on her asshole cousin, because when I was heading to fifth period, the prick fucking ambushed me, shoving me sideways with so much force I was sent colliding with the wall.

"Why don't you watch where you're going, _Cullen_!" he snapped at me before disappearing into the crowds.

I was immediately fucking rigid with anger as I glared after him. It was coming to a head with Jacob; I was going to have to have it out with him. Every time he passed me lately, he went out of his way to shove me, and every time he shoved me, he did it with more force. This time he took it too far.

There wasn't going to be a next time.

"I don't envy you over that fight," Jazz said lightly, coming up behind me.

"He's really getting on my fucking nerves now," I said lowly, fuming.

"Dude, he's taller than Emmett these days, and we've seen what _he_ does to you," Jazz replied, cocking a brow at me.

I jerked my shoulders in aggravation. "I'm not worried about _Jacob_."

I wasn't.

I sat in English, one part listening to Jazz and Mr. Cox, another part fuming over fucking Jacob Swan, and the last part trying to avoid whorehouse Stanley. But at the end of the lesson, as she was walking past my desk, she paused and dropped a folded piece of paper in front of me, winking like a prostitute before continuing out of the class. I picked it up with a sigh while Jazz hung over my shoulder, leering at what was written. I didn't give a shit, to be totally honest, and was almost tempted to throw it straight in the trash.

But I didn't.

Unfolding it, I glanced at it, reading it quickly:

**Edward,**

**If you'd like some company at Rob's party, I'm definitely going and would love to hook up.**

**Jessica X**

Snorting, I screwed it up in my palm and tossed it in the trash on the way out of the classroom.

"You're seriously gonna throw away a sure thing?" Jazz asked, almost incredulously.

"_U__nlike_ you and Miss Arlington High, Jazz? How's that working for you?" I rolled my eyes at him. Just because slut-bag Stanley fucked anything with two legs didn't mean I wanted to be one of them.

"Well, _technically,_ Alice and I weren't together then, so I'm totally in the clear," he replied with a cocky grin.

"_Well technically_," I imitated him sarcastically, "you've got nothing to worry about then. Just do me a favor, and make sure you tell her when I'm around, would you?" And at the thought of Alice's reaction, I broke into a smirk—not to mention the way Jazz was turning five shades paler.

Grumbling some shit under his breath, he shoved me as we entered the cafeteria.

I caught Bella's gaze just as I was sitting down, and before I had a chance to react, she broke into a smile. It was kind of in greeting—something that was more courteous than anything—but it still threw me. In fact, I was so surprised by it, by the fact that she was openly acknowledging me, that for a moment I wasn't sure if she was actually smiling at _me._ I almost looked behind me—I didn't know how much of a loser that would have made me.

It took a moment for me to find my balls and smile back at her, but on instinct I was a complete asshole about it. I had to keep reminding myself that it didn't work on her … only this time it seemed to.

She blushed—and fuck me, my hands started shaking.

"Jeez, douche bag, whatever you did seems to have worked," Jazz spoke up, looking almost impressed.

I shrugged, trying to pull off a pretense of indifference, but the asshole wasn't even close to being convinced, and halfway through lunch, he started groaning loudly. "Jesus, Edward, could you be any more gay? You look like you're about to break out into a fucking serenade!"

**...**

By the time I arrived in Biology, Bella was already seated at our table. This surprised me. As I approached her, she looked up at me and smiled in a shy kind of way before pulling in her stool to allow me to pass. As I did, my hand disturbed her hair, immediately releasing the scent of it making me feel almost drunk for a moment.

But fuck me … it was so soft.

Hastily sitting down, I cleared my throat, trying to force down my rapidly building body temperature, before I turned to her. "Hey, Bella."

"Hi," she replied, her tone soft before she drew up her shoulders and turned away from me.

Jesus, this girl...

I only gazed at her for several seconds, completely stumped by her, before shaking my head to myself, I reached inside my bag for my text book, grabbing a box of pens as I did.

Without a word, or without looking at her, I placed them in front of her.

I heard her immediately sigh shortly to herself; only it almost sounded like it was in amusement, and when I turned to face her a wry kind of smile was pulling on her lips.

"Why…?" she asked, in good humor, before her eyes met with mine and her smile inched wider.

"You don't know?" I asked her, raising my brow teasingly.

She rolled her eyes slightly, the smile not fading, though a cynical edge was creeping into it. "If I say no, I mean."

"Are you going to say no?"

"You haven't answered my question first." She sounded fractionally exasperated, but in a light hearted way.

"Well, there are a few months yet before summer vacation, so..." I said with a grin that I fought to keep from turning cocky, because that was the last thing I felt around her.

She scoffed at first, before surveying me closely, a dubious look flickering in her eyes. Obviously trying to gauge whether I was serious or not. "I don't believe you."

My brows shot up. "You don't?"

"Not really," she said simply, half shrugging—and the stubborn little vixen didn't.

Refusing to give in, no matter how much doubt she put in my mind, I took off my jacket, and pulled my sweater over my head, revealing the t-shirt I'd bought in Port Angeles on Saturday. In big, bold letters on the front, it said 'I Have a Big Pen'.

"Oh, you think so, do you?" I finally replied with deliberate over confidence.

Her eyes fell to my t-shirt. She only stared at it dumbfounded for a moment before she looked back up at me; her expression was incredulous, but not as much as it was skeptical.

"You are _completely_ mad!" she stated matter-of-factly, her brow quirking the longer she gazed at me.

"What? It's true, I do. You want to see?" I teased her, keeping up the charade.

Her eyebrows bunched doubtfully; though, her expression almost grew surprised. I wanted to laugh; she was freaking adorable, but every time I thought I'd gained ground with her, she snatched it straight back.

With my hands beginning to freaking shake again, I bent down and grabbed the stupid big novelty pen that came with the t-shirt out of my bag.

"See?" I said, holding it up.

She stared at it, her expression growing more cynical the longer she did, before her eyes drifted back to mine.

"You're a dag," she murmured, a faint smile appearing on her lips.

I was baffled, and it was as if she instantly understood why, because a frown immediately knotted her forehead before she looked down.

"I ... I'm sorry?" I asked.

She only shrugged, without looking back at me, not answering.

Fuck, she really was wired tightly shut, the little rat wasn't kidding.

"Is that Aussie speak?" I teased her, against my better instincts, because for a moment her expression turned almost hostile.

"Don't mock me, Edward!"

And in response I broke into a grin. It was beyond my control, and I knew it was going to piss her off, but I still couldn't help it. It was the way she pronounced my name, and the way, even when she was pissed, her sentences rose at the end.

Of course by this point she was scowling at me, the hostility well and truly back.

"I'm not mocking you, Bella. I promise you. Look, can we start over—let's just pretend that first day in Bio never happened. Yeah?"

Slowly, her expression relaxed, though she continued to survey me with suspicion.

She opened her mouth the reply when I interjected by holding my hand out. "Hi, I'm Edward. I'm Alice's brother."

She looked at it for a moment, glancing back up and meeting my gaze apprehensively, and in that one instant, all my confidence was shot.

She didn't want to fucking touch me!?

I was about to pull my hand back, my ears feeling like they were being freaking barbecued, when she placed her hand in mine. "Hi, I'm Bella, and I already know you're Alice's brother because we already met in the hall."

And I couldn't tell this time if it was her who was mocking me, or whether she was teasing me, or just freaking playing along.

I had to face it; this girl was owning my ass.

I squeezed her hand lightly before releasing it quickly, my hands immediately going clammy, and with that Bella turned away and focused her attention on the front of the classroom.

She had the smallest hint of a smile on her face, but in no way was she fooled; it almost seemed as if she was thinking what a fucking dickhead I was. She was completely controlling me, whether she was aware of it or not, and I was starting to become annoyed; annoyed at her; annoyed at how pathetic I was; and annoyed that I had no more layers of clothes to remove.

"Mr. Cullen?"

I snapped my head up, my heart jarring. Mr. Banner was suddenly before us, test sheets in hand as he scrutinized me.

"Interesting t-shirt," he commented dryly, peering at me over his glasses.

I grinned sheepishly, feeling my face flood with heat. I _seriously_ suspected he was on to me.

Bella's eyes darted in my direction, a fleeting smirk crossing her face, before she picked up the box of pens I'd just given her, opened it, and took one out.

I seriously needed to concede defeat.

**...**

At the end of class, instead of leaving the room well in advance of me, which was her usual habit, she hung behind and walked out with me. And because I wasn't even close to the point of understanding her, I just went with it, letting her lead me to the gym; even though my Spanish class was in the opposite end of the school.

"E-Edward?" she suddenly stammered, breaking the silence between us.

I turned to face her, her expression was uncertain before she reached up and tugged on her lower lip, her eyes breaking from mine.

"Yeah?" I asked her, curiously.

"What's the story with you and Jacob?" she asked, her eyes locking back to mine, her expression suddenly serious.

Sighing deeply, I almost subconsciously reached up, running my hand through my hair. "It's ... it's stupid, Bella. Don't worry about it."

Her eyebrows knotted in contemplation for a moment, before she asked, "Did you really beat him up?"

"It ... it was a few years ago," I admitted, shoving my hands in my pants pockets and taking another heavy breath.

"What happened? Jake said you blamed him for something he didn't do." She seemed genuinely troubled by it, enough that it put me on edge.

I opened my mouth to respond but shut it again. Telling her her cousin was a lying sack of shit probably wasn't the best thing to do at this point. "I-I don't even remember anymore. It was a while ago," I mumbled, knowing it was bullshit and she wouldn't buy it, before shrugging apologetically, as some kind of half assed consolation.

Nodding a little to herself, she sighed. "I'm sorry—about the other day..." Her voice trailed off, her brow bunching.

I could only assume she was referring to her first day of school, when her asshole of a cousin threatened Alice; though, I wasn't sure why she was apologizing for it.

"It wasn't your fault, Bella. I let ... I let Jake get the better of me sometimes..." I admitted.

She nodded again, looking suddenly lost in thought, before snapping herself out of it, she broke into an easy going smile. "Anyway, see you tomorrow, Edward. I'm late for gym." She screwed her face up momentarily, before adding, with an almost sly grin, "Oh, and I like your t-shirt."

I could only smile back, scoffing it softly to myself, and knowing that while I was winning the war with her, it was me that had been conquered.

But in less than twenty-four hours, though, Bella would hate me again.

**...**

I knew Jacob was going to step in at some point where Bella was concerned, and I should have been more prepared; I shouldn't have allowed him to provoke me. Because when he did, I effectively did what I'd told Bella the day before: I let him get the better of me.

And I totally fucked everything up.

I was coming across the field headed to sixth period the next day. We'd had a lunchtime baseball meeting, and I had about five minutes before class started. I was late and in a hurry, and I was so preoccupied with my thoughts that I didn't notice Jacob approach me.

If I had, I would have taken measures to avoid him.

But obviously, seeing his opportunity, the asshole walked straight over to me and openly shoved me. I stumbled backwards, almost losing my footing, and when I looked up, knowing full well who it was, Jacob was standing in front of me, holding his ground, fucking sneering at me.

"If you think you have any hope with Bella, you're kidding yourself! You'll have to get through me first!"

The heat of my anger was searing. It burned through every one of my muscles as I instinctively clenched my hands into fists.

Righting myself and, without another thought, I lunged at him, grabbed him by the scruff of his collar, and pushed him backwards.

"If you want to do this, asshole, we'll do this!" I challenged him.

He stumbled back several steps, and when he recovered himself, his face was red and rigid with anger. He came at me, and as just as I was preparing myself Emmett grabbed him from behind.

"Okay, guys! That's enough!" Emmett said gruffly, taking all his strength to restrain Jacob, who was trying everything to free himself from his grip.

"Yeah, that's right, hiding behind your family again, Cullen! The lot of you are the same! Bella is too good for you—and there's no way I'm gonna let you near her!" Jacob spat back, becoming more pissed off the longer he remained restrained by Emmett.

Emmett let him go, and Jacob angrily shrugged him off, straightening himself and rising to his full height.

"Good thing Bella doesn't share your opinions, _asshole_!" I retorted, "But who the fuck do you think you're kidding? I could get into your cousin's pants in my sleep, and there's nothing you can do about it." I knew immediately it was a stupid, arrogant thing to say, but I was too fucking pissed to think better of it.

Jacob's reaction surprised me at first, before it slowly filled me with dread. He glanced past me over my shoulder, his eyes flickering with an emotion that I didn't catch, and when he met my gaze again, his expression was fucking triumphant as he folded his arms across his chest with self-satisfaction. "Wanna make a bet?"

My heart immediately paused, before it began thumping with panic in my chest. Turning around slowly, reluctantly, my eyes immediately locked with Bella's, and my heart sank.

She'd heard everything.

She only stood rooted to the spot for a moment, an injured look ingrained in her face, but as she caught my gaze her expression hardened with absolute fucking disdain.

"Bella, I..." I blurted, shaking my head, my tone pleading and apologetic, but ignoring me, she spun around and disappeared in front of the gathering crowd.

My eyes then met with Alice's. She just shook her head at me slowly in anger and frustration, but with a trace of pity, before she turned and went after Bella.

Feeling like I'd taken a blow from Jacob and had the wind knocked from my lungs, I whipped back around to face him; he was continuing to sneer at me triumphantly. "What's the matter, _Cullen_? Not so sure any more?"

I opened my mouth to reply, to retaliate, and with my hands balled tightly into fists, I took a step in Jake's direction when Emmett suddenly grabbed _me_ this time.

"Let it go, bro."

"I'm okay!" I insisted angrily.

He reluctantly released me, and without another word, or glance in _Jacob's_ direction, I headed to class.

I was angry at myself—fucking pissed—and raking my fingers stiffly through my hair, I expelled the air from my lungs deeply with regret, knowing that no amount of pens was going to save me this time.

When I got to Biology, I paused at the door before continuing inside; Jason Michaels was sitting in Bella's seat.

He looked over at me as I approached and smiled awkwardly. "Sorry, Cullen. Bella wanted to sit with Mike, I guess."

Sighing heavily beneath my breath, I glanced at Bella. She was sitting next to Mike Newton three rows back from me, quite obviously fuming to herself. Her face was flushed, but at the same time, she looked hurt and embarrassed, as she completely ignored idiot Newton as he tried to engage her in conversation.

I looked back over to Jason knowing it wasn't his fault, yet the thought of him sitting in Bella's chair immediately pissed me off.

"No problem," I muttered, pulling my stool out angrily and sitting down.

"No wonder he kicked me out, though. Mike's got a serious thing for Bella." He snorted, as though I'd find that piece of information interesting.

I had the sudden urge to walk over to Newton and rip his cocky, little head off! Instead, I just flashed Jason an angry, sarcastic smile and otherwise ignored him.

I had no chance to catch up with Bella after Biology. I was kept back by Mr. Banner to discuss my _uncharacteristically abysmal_ test score.

Bella left the classroom swiftly with that weasel, Newton, following closely behind. He was making a complete ass of himself as he practically fell over his feet to keep up with her.

She didn't glance over to me as she passed; in fact she turned her head further away as she did. I was almost glad for it; I felt like a fucking prick and I couldn't bear to see it reflected back at me through her eyes. Though, she did allow me to see one thing. That wall of hers was completely back around her, with no hope of me cracking it again.

But I had to speak to her; I had to tell her I didn't mean a word of it. I couldn't stand the thought that she believed it, but she did; I knew by the look in her eyes. I'd _meant_ to sound convincing—how else did I expect her to take it?

**...**

When I walked to the car that afternoon, Alice was waiting for me, her expression somber. I was expecting her to get angry and yell at me, but she just sighed in a resigned way. "You've screwed it up badly, Edward—just when she was starting to trust you."

I nodded, taking a heavy, resigned breath, before rubbing my forehead with my fingertips, wanting to rip my skin off. "I know…"

"Why would you say such a stupid thing?" Alice pressed me, her tone reflecting her bewilderment at my abject fucking stupidity.

I only shook my head, because I really had no idea, before unlocking the car and sliding dejectedly into the driver's seat.

Alice got in beside me.

"Not riding with Jazz today?" I asked her, starting the engine.

"Nope, my stupid big brother needs me more."

* * *

**You idiot, Edward!**


	8. Forget You

**A/N: *sings Cee Lo Green* Fuck you...  
Oh Edward, letting your ego get in the way. Tsk tsk.**

* * *

**Chapter 6.**

**Forget You**

**Bella's POV**

I walked hastily out of Bio, but I couldn't meet his eyes. I should have walked straight past Edward with my head held high, letting him know that he hadn't got the better of me, but I couldn't. My face was burning with humiliation, and I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of witnessing just how much he had hurt me.

This is what happens when I let my guard down—when I expect more from people.

Mike's incessant chatter beside me was a good distraction; it kept me from focusing too much on what happened at lunch. He'd intercepted me on the way to Bio, offering for me to sit next to him if I wanted to avoid "Cullen"—as he had said.

I did, but now I was starting to regret that as well. What would running from Edward prove? At home the only way I got the boys off my back was standing up to them—usually with Rach as a back-up. I should have stayed exactly where I was and let Edward know, in no uncertain terms, that he'd made a huge mistake treating me the way he had. But I had no one to back me up here, and Alice—as much as I valued her friendship—was more than likely going to defend him.

And I was a coward, and the prospect of being treated differently by boys from now on had given me a false sense of security.

I'd fallen straight into it—again!

The emotion of it began to ache behind my forehead. A perfect mixture of mortification and anger, but it wasn't only at Edward I was angry at; I was far angrier at myself.

I walked to the gym with Mike's voice like white noise beside me. I was too distracted to properly hear him, but I wasn't distracted enough not to realise everyone was staring at me—again. In Australia it was because I was the daughter of Renee Dwyer—no further explanation needed—here it was because I was some kind of conquest for Edward Cullen to get back at my cousin.

It wasn't as if no one had warned me; Jake had tried every day, but I had become too swayed by a pair of blue-green eyes and a charming—altogether too confident—grin. This was despite the fact that I was beginning to think he had some kind of anger issue.

In only two weeks I had become the person I swore I never would!

"So, what do you think, Bella? Are you in?" Mike's voice quickly snapped me back to the present moment.

We were standing just outside the doors to the gym, about to go in. The icy drizzle had turned into a downpour, but I wasn't registering it. I was already trembling and it wasn't from the weather.

"Uh … in on what, Mike?" I asked, too on edge to feign courtesy.

He paused, looking uncertain all of a sudden. "The movies ... with me, Jake and Nessie."

He was asking me out? Asking me out because I sat beside him in _one_ class? Did he think I was some kind of "easy score" too? Just like my mother?

Well, fuck him, and fuck Edward Cullen!

Scoffing loudly, I only reefed open the doors of the gym—letting them slam behind me—and stormed inside to the girls' locker room.

Alice was waiting for me.

"Bella, God! I can't believe Edward! Are you OK?" she asked me anxiously, her eyes shining with concern.

I nodded, jerking my shoulders, pissed off, but more so at the pain of humiliation that was continuing to lurk just beneath the surface.

She flashed me a warm, sympathetic smile and said carefully, "I don't know what to say, Bella. I have no idea why Edward would say such a thing."

_I do. Because I was the perfect pawn to hurt Jacob, _I wanted to tell her, but I didn't. Instead, I shook my head and rubbed my forehead with the heel of my palm roughly. It was really beginning to ache with the threat of tears. Something I would _not _succumb to.

I cried over a lot of things, but it was sure as hell never because of boys!

"I don't really want to talk about it," I replied lowly, but too softly—too _weakly_.

Alice only gauged me for a moment, before asking again with apprehension, "Are you sure you're okay, Bella? You look a little … green." Tentatively, she reached over, touching my arm gently, and that was all it took to push me over the edge.

My eyes welled with tears. "I'm fine!' I insisted, even as my voice quivered, completely contradicting me.

Placing her arm around my shoulders, Alice lowered me to the bench beside us, and like the pitiful wretch I was, I lost it. "He—he _humiliated_ me, Alice!" I stammered in between sobs, the volume of my voice increasing angrily with each word I spoke.

"Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry," she spoke softly with genuine sincerity as she tightened her arms around me consolingly.

I let the tears consume me for a moment. They were stemmed from anger just as they were from hurt and humiliation, so in a way, I was almost glad to be ridding myself of them. Alice continued to comfort me without saying a word. I half expected her to mention Edward; offer up some excuse for his bad behaviour, something, but she said nothing, and I was grateful for it.

I was done with boys, and I wanted to wipe Edward from my mind as soon as possible.

Becoming frustrated at myself for expending so much emotion over what was self-inflicted, I wiped my face dry and stubbornly rose to my feet.

"Do you feel better now?" Alice asked me gently.

I nodded.

I didn't. I felt like an idiot, and I wanted to scoff bitterly at my own stupidity. I'd fallen into a trap that I never would have from the boys in Australia, I'd been right all along; Edward was no different from any of them.

From beside me, I heard Alice sigh heavily. "Do you want me to tell Coach Clapp that you don't feel well?"

I nodded a second time, flashing Alice a grateful smile, but I should have been ashamed of myself for even contemplating running away.

I wasn't.

She disappeared to speak to the coach, returning a few moments later. "Come on, I've got to escort you to the nurse."

Sighing inwardly in relief, I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder, following Alice out of the gym.

"Can you ask Mike if he wouldn't mind driving Jake home?" I asked her after a moment of silence, cringing slightly. I didn't like the idea of asking Mike for anything, but I couldn't just go home and leave Jake stranded.

"Sure, no probs," Alice replied warmly.

We continued along again in silence until we were within reach of the office, when Alice turned to me, her normally bright eyes burning with guilt.

"Bella," she began delicately," Edward—"

"Alice..." I interjected quietly. Just the mention of his name caused my stomach to clench and it frustrated the hell out of me. I couldn't decide if he'd humiliated me more than he'd hurt me, but what I did know was that I didn't want to think about it—or him!

"All right, Bella, but can I just say one thing?" she asked, her tone tentative. She reached up and rubbed her forehead, with guilt clearly etched there. It bothered me; she wasn't responsible for him.

"What?" I asked reluctantly.

"What Edward said today is a _long _way off what he feels for you—I know this for a fact," she insisted, and her eyes that searched mine were wide and sincere.

I knew she would defend him. He was her brother, what was she supposed to do? But I only huffed again. She obviously thought it would give me comfort, but it didn't. It gave me the opposite effect; an emotion I was trying to keep from getting a strangle hold over me. If Edward truly did feel something for me, then it made it a whole lot worse than if he was just using me from the very beginning.

Because he still said it—announced it, was closer to the truth—to the entire school, that he thought I was so damn easy he could _fuck_ me in his sleep!

Well why not? It was what everyone thought about me.

"It doesn't change anything, Alice," I replied with an irritated sigh. As much as I was pissed off, I was in the midst of an internal battle that I knew I was losing. As much as I wanted to deny it, I was forced to acknowledge I had felt something for Edward, enough that I was prepared to let down my guard with him.

Alice squeezed my shoulder consolingly, but didn't reply. There was no way I'd be able to accurately portray the emotion I wanted to, anyway. I _wanted_ to be indifferent, but I had never felt that way about him—even that first day in Bio when he had treated me like crap.

I really was this pathetic!

It wasn't hard to convince Mrs Cope to let me go home early. It was the last period of the day and I wasn't _sick _enough that I couldn't drive myself home. The only condition was that she had to call Billy and let him know. I could handle that. Billy had a couple of grown daughters, so unlike The General, he wasn't as awkward around me.

Alice accompanied me to the parking lot. It was drizzling and ridiculously cold as usual, but ironically I found myself welcoming it. Shivering was a good cover, a good distraction.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Bella," she said gently, her eyes dropping and glistening with what seemed like continued guilt.

It irritated me, and I wanted to tell her that none of it was her fault. I didn't want her to feel responsible for having a wanker for a brother, but I wanted to avoid bringing up Edward, so I ignored it. "Bye, Alice," I replied, flashing her a warm, grateful smile.

"Bella—I'm really sorry!" she suddenly burst, and this time the guilt was blatantly obvious in her expression.

"It's not your fault, Alice," I said earnestly, but the subject of Edward was really beginning to irritate me more than anything else. He'd hurt me—though that was my own fault—but it pissed me off even more that he'd hurt Alice. I was so over people like him—like every boy I'd ever known, and like Renee. People who would hurt me over and over if I allowed it.

I'd be damned before I let Edward hurt me again.

"He's ... he's my stupid brother..." Alice mumbled, biting her lip and releasing her breath.

"You can't help that he's your brother," I said with a shrug of my shoulder, but I regretted those words immediately. Edward was a lot of things, but he was still Alice's brother, and it was a crappy thing for me to say to her.

She looked down awkwardly and nodded in response.

I huffed shortly, frustrated at myself, before flashing her an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, Alice."

Her eyes widened, and she stared at me in surprise. "Whatever for, Bella?"

"I shouldn't put you in the middle. He's your brother," I confessed in a quiet voice.

Alice scoffed. "He deserves it all!"

Shrugging to myself again and pushing Edward from my thoughts, I climbed into the car. Alice waved at me; the look of guilt still the primary factor on her expression. I waved back and flashed her a heartfelt smile, before driving out of Forks High School and wishing I didn't have to return. My high school back in Australia was suddenly looking very appealing. At least there the boys left me alone and I had three of the best friends imaginable.

The instant my thoughts wandered to the guys, tears slipped down my cheeks before I was able to stop them. As pathetic as I was, I was able to convince myself it was because of how much I missed them, and not because of Edward and how much he'd humiliated me today.

**...**

It was an unnerving feeling walking into Billy's house when it was empty. It brought back memories of all the times I was left at home alone while Renee was out on one of her many dates and _sleepovers._ I didn't like it. I preferred the house when it was full of the sounds of Billy and Jake—even Nessie, because all I could hear at that moment was the sound of my thoughts.

Trudging up to my room, I was immediately greeted by Josh's smiling face. Jacob had told me I could take the posters down if I wanted to, but it didn't seem right. Besides, Josh's face was comforting. His was the first face I seen as I woke every morning, reminding me that I was no longer in my dim, little hovel of a room at Renee's house any more. Josh was staying.

Ignoring the multitudes of pink pens that were on my bedside table, I turned on my laptop, before I did the same with my IPod speaker. I needed to drown out my thoughts—and the eerie silence of the house.

On second thought, I needed to get rid of all these bloody pens!

Huffing out my breath in frustration, I grabbed them from the side table and launched them one by one towards the waste paper basket that was a couple of metres away, against the wall. Only about one in ten landed in it; the rest scattered across the timber floor of my room, making it appear abstract.

"I hate the colour pink, anyway!" I burst out loud, after throwing the last pen at the wall—it bounced off and landed in the bin.

Laughing to myself dryly, I flopped myself down on my bed and clicked open my mailbox. There was another email from Nummi. My heart immediately warmed and as I clicked it open, it dissolved all my irritation in an instant.

**Hey Bells,**

**Okay, I gotta say, this Edward business is a little Twilight Zone. The pen thing is cute, don't get me wrong, but what's freaking me out is your reaction to it. Either boys in America don't fear your look of death, or this guy is different. You can talk about how up himself and immature he is, but it's not fooling anyone. Rach googled the Forks high school Baseball team, but we can't work out who he is. Send us a pic!**

**Nothing really new is going on here. There's a new farm hand working with Dad, his name is Mick, he's asked me out to the flicks on Friday. He's a bit of a spunk too. I'll let you know how it goes. Kel got a job working at Target, and Rach … is Rach. **

**Have you bought an iPhone yet? **

**Anyways, it's late and we have the swimming carnival tomorrow. **

**Love ya and miss ya heaps and heaps and heaps!**

**Nummi xox**

**PS: is it snowing there?**

She'd attached a picture of the four of us a couple of days before I left, and as I gazed at it for so long, it eventually blurred and wavered behind my building tears.

I missed them—that was all!

With my music blaring, I pulled out my homework and started it, stopping only when I heard Jake and Nessie come through the front door.

I owed my cousin an apology!

Switching off my iPod, I headed for the door when there was a knock on it.

"Bella? It's Nessie."

Opening the door, I smiled at her sheepishly. "Hey, Ness."

She smiled back quickly. "Hey, Bella. Mind if I come in?_"_

"Sure," I said, opening the door wider and stepping aside.

We sat back down on my bed, and when she smiled at me this time, it looked as if it was out of remorse. "Are you okay? You look like you've been..." she abandoned the sentence as her gaze surveyed me more intently.

"I'm fine. I-I have a head ache—and doing my homework made it worse," I lied, and knowing I sounded completely unconvincing.

"Jake sent me up to see how you were and to apologise. He feels really rotten, Bella," Nessie finally confessed, her tone gentle and full of guilt.

_Guilt? Why was everyone but that asshole, Edward, feeling guilty_? I wanted to burst, feeling my face flame at just the thought. And as I fumed for a moment, I failed to properly grasp her meaning.

Then it hit me. "Does he think I'm angry at _him_?" I asked surprised.

She only nodded.

"Why? For defending me? Protecting me? Not being completely offended when I refused to listen to his warning?" I exclaimed, my voice rising as the anger and frustration at myself grew.

Jacob had been the sweetest person in the world to me since I'd come to live with him and Billy, and like the ingrate that I was, I repaid him by throwing his worst enemy in his face every day.

Nessie smiled and shrugged before replying stoically, "He lets things with Edward get the better of him though, and he knew you were caught in the middle."

"He tried warning me about Edward, and I didn't listen," I said softly, feeling the shame prickle to the surface of my face.

"Bella, it's not your fault. What happened with Jake and Edward happened long before you came here," Nessie insisted. Her expression remained gentle, but there was an edge of anger to her tone.

I looked over at her, and frowned. Did I really want to know? Did I really want another reason to hate Edward?

"You might as well tell me what happen between them," I conceded.

She took a deep breath, beginning, "You know how Alice had cancer...?" Her words faded off. I can only imagine it was due to the total expression of horror that had transformed my face.

"What?!" I exclaimed in disbelief.

"You didn't know?" Nessie asked surprised. "Well, it's probably not something she feels comfortable talking about," she quickly added as if to spare my feelings, but it wasn't my feelings that I was suddenly feeling sick over.

"When did she have cancer?" I asked, my voice choking over that word.

"A couple of years ago. I'm not really sure of the details. She went away to a city hospital and Edward went totally off the rails. People were saying things and there were rumours going around, then one day Edward attacked Jake saying that he laughing about what was happening with Alice," Nessie paused, before scoffing, her expression hardening further." He broke Jake's eye socket, and Billy was going to have Edward charged."

Drawing my breath in, I subconsciously brought my hand up to cover my mouth. Jake had a small scar just below his right eye, and I wondered suddenly—feeling myself becoming reflexively tense—if Edward had been the cause of it.

Nessie nodded in agreement, her expression darkening. "Jake said he heard the rumours but other than that he barely knew Alice and Edward. As if Jake would laugh over something like that—especially when his mother had died a few years before. You know that, right?"

I shook my head in vehement agreement. "Of course."

"Jake's hated Edward ever since, and he's eager to settle the score with him," Nessie added her forehead creasing as her eyes reflected her sudden concern.

I scoffed, shaking my head to myself. "That's not half obvious."

"You know how big he is now?" she continued. Her eyes were glazed with pain and I almost shied away from what she was about to tell me.

I only nodded.

"When Edward beat him up he was small—one of the shortest in his class," Nessie paused her eyes welling with angry tears. "Edward took all his anger out on him, and Jake had no way of defending himself."

I thought back immediately to my first day in Biology, and how badly Edward had treated me. His over protectiveness of Alice explained his irrational behaviour to an extent. It was commendable, it really was, but at the same time, Edward was the kind of person who acted first and asked questions later.

He was the last person I needed in my life!

I'd spent seventeen masochistic years of my life living in chaos as Renee's daughter. I wouldn't allow a handsome face to put me in that position again.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Nessie asked me, snapping me from my brooding thoughts.

"Yeah, sorry."

She gazed at me for a moment, her eyes narrowing in contemplation. "Bella ... do you like Edward?" she asked me with delicate apprehension.

Her question jarred me. Did I? No one had ever asked me that directly.

I decided to answer as honestly as I could. "I thought I liked him, Nessie, but ... not any more."

I was satisfied with that—sort of.

Nessie and I walked back down stairs together where Jacob stood grinning at me sheepishly. Flashing him a huge, knowing grin, his face immediately lit up like a Christmas tree.

"You big dope. Why would I be angry at you?" I threw my arms around his neck, almost needing a springboard to reach him.

He engulfed me in his arms, practically crushing my ribs and knocking the wind out of me. I found myself wondering—while attempting to recover my breath—how Nessie, as tiny as she was, managed to go home unscathed every day.

"I'm sorry, Bells. I didn't mean for you to get hurt today. I just wanted you to see _Cullen _the way he really is." Aside from the 'Cullen' part, Jake's voice was otherwise tender.

"I did see, Jake," I said quietly, before continuing, "but just promise me you'll leave him alone from now on. He's not worth all this stress."

Jake's grin widened before he answered with a hint of aggression. "So long as he hasn't got his hooks into you, Bells, I'm happy."

"He definitely has _no_ hooks in me," I replied with a pseudo grin, as a twinge of regret accosted me.

I hung out with Nessie and Jake for a few hours—while they slopped over each other until I could no longer take it—before retreating back up to my room to finish my homework. But the moment I walked through the door I almost slipped on one of the wayward pens I'd thrown across the room earlier.

"Bugger it!" I blurted, in angry frustration.

I was suddenly furious, and throwing myself on my hands and knees, I gathered all the pens up that were scattered across the floor, before shoving them angrily in an empty shoe box.

"You can have your pens back, Edward, and I hope you choke on them!" I muttered out loud as I picked up the final pen and threw it in.

Shoving the box under my bed, out of sight, I decided to head back downstairs. The prospect of being subjected to Jake and Nessie's love was suddenly more appealing than being alone with my thoughts.

At five-thirty Uncle Billy arrived home and I started dinner; happy for a proper distraction. We ate in uncomfortable silence as Billy sat scrutinising me. He'd obviously received the phone call from the school nurse that I was coming home unwell, but he didn't question me about it.

I helped Jake clean the kitchen before retiring early to bed. I was exhausted and was glad to be seeing the end of the day of what was becoming a trend of horrendous days since I'd started at Forks High School.

**...**

The next morning as I climbed into the jeep, I was clutching the shoebox of pens under my arm with resolve. Jake eyed them suspiciously, giving me a funny look, but didn't question me about them. I assumed the look on my face put him off.

We drove in silence, stopping to pick up Nessie before heading to school.

I noticed Edward's silver car immediately as I pulled into the parking lot. He and Alice were standing beside it looking like they were arguing. My heart quickened; I had not expected him to be waiting for me.

"Are you okay, Bells?" Jake asked me before he closed the back door. He and Nessie had exited the car, but I remained in the driver's seat, gathering my courage.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Jake. You guys go ahead. I'll see you later, okay?" I replied, with a forced smile.

I remained in the Jeep psyching myself up. It took several minutes and it wasn't made any easier with Edward's gaze constantly on me. It angered me, because I could feel myself becoming compromised as I sat there.

Shaking my head and pulling myself hastily together, I jumped out of the car before I could talk myself out of it. Then, raising my head high with determination, I walked with shaky legs toward him. As I approached, he looked up and over to me, and as our eyes locked together, I faltered, my resolve instantly wavering. Edward's eyes, which were normally so intense, were pleading and full of remorse. But pushing all uncertainty from my mind, I sucked in my breath, walked straight up to him and shoved the box of pens directly into his chest.

"Sleep with these, _Edward_!" I blurted, emphasising his name angrily; though I hadn't planned on saying a thing to him.

He didn't attempt to take the pens from me, and they fell to the ground and scattered all around us.

I walked away quickly, because again my resolve was about to crumble. The resigned look in his eyes shook me, and as angry as I was with him, I was suddenly fighting a masochistic urge inside me that longed to walk back and wrap my arms around him.

I was clearly insane!

I was in the midst of an internal battle of self-loathing when Alice caught up with me.

"Bella!" she called falling into step with me.

"Hi Alice," I mumbled averting my eyes. I didn't want her to see the treasonous thoughts I was struggling with.

"Hey, I know you have every right to be angry, but Edward is so sorry, Bella. He really is," she offered gently.

I sighed frustrated with myself and annoyed that Alice would offer up such a pathetic excuse in defence of her brother. "_Sorry_ is he?" I demanded. "He was _sorry_ last time!"

She sighed, nodding in understanding, and shrugged. "You're right, Bella," she replied quietly.

I turned back to her instantly apologetic, not meaning to be so blunt—especially at her.

"Bloody hell—I'm sorry, Alice." I sighed.

She broke into a warm chuckle, gazing at me in wonder. "Bella, why are _you _apologising?"

_Because I was a pitiful excuse for a human being and moving thousands of miles away from Renee had not changed it,_ I immediately thought, but I would never burden Alice with knowledge of my mother.

"I didn't mean to take it out on you, Alice, that's all," was my eventual reply.

Alice sighed with a teasing exaggeration. "Oh, Bella, Bella, Bella, what _are _we going to do with you?" She slung her arm around my hunched shoulders before dragging me enthusiastically to class.

And despite myself, I broke into a reluctant smile.

**...**

I went through the halls with my eyes lowered, even with Alice beside me. I was determined to stay indifferent to Edward, but was worried I'd look up and find myself staring into those dejected eyes of his again and completely crumble.

There was no words for how pathetic this made me, but I refused to waver, and this preoccupation I was struggling with over him, was making me feel like my mother's daughter.

Before fourth period, I went to my locker and discovered a folded note inside. I had almost expected a dozen pens to fall out, but it was only a piece of paper. Releasing my breath deeply, I thought for a moment about throwing it away. Instead, with trembling hands, I opened it. At the sight of Edward's handwriting and despite the fact that I was expecting it, my chest tightened.

**Bella,**

**I'm not even going to bother to offer an apology for my behavior yesterday, because there aren't words enough to excuse me. Just please know that what I said was not what I feel about you. I just hope that you can forgive me ... again.**

**Edward.**

I only stared down at his handwriting reading and re-reading it over and over as my resolve wavered then snapped back repeatedly.

Was I unable to hate him in light of everything he'd done to Jacob? To me...?

I was aghast. He was _not_ Renee! _I_ was not Renee. What the hell was the matter with me? I was _still_ making the same mistakes.

_So much for my fresh start_, I thought to myself, scoffing beneath my breath.

As I headed to fourth period Spanish, I threw the note in the trash as I passed by it.

**...**

"Has Edward spoken to you yet, Bella?" Alice whispered to me during class.

I felt my face burn for a moment before turning to her. "In a sense; he put a note in my locker."

Alice paused for a moment in contemplation, before adding delicately, "You do know he's going to want to talk to you, don't you?"

"I'm expecting it, I guess." I sighed.

"I told him to give you space. I practically had to siphon the gas out of his car last night to stop him from driving to your house," Alice confessed.

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "Alice, I really don't want to talk about him. I realise it's unavoidable that I'll see him at Bio. I'm prepared for that. I..." I abandoned it, already flooded with doubtful thoughts, and shaking my head in a vain attempt to rid myself of them.

"Okay, I ... I just want to help you get past it, Bella. Even if you're never more than Bio partners," Alice replied gently.

I almost snorted sarcastically. _We aren't even that any more_, I wanted to say. Instead, I turned to her and smiled gratefully. "Don't worry about me, Alice. I'll be right."

She flashed me a grin before turning back to her book. I continued to gaze at her a moment longer, recalling what Nessie had told me the day before about her. I was on the verge of bringing it up, when I stopped myself. I didn't want to pry; she'd tell me if and when she was ready. She had shown me that courtesy when I first arrived, and I at least would return it.

**...**

Edward was waiting by the entrance to the cafeteria when Alice and I headed to lunch. I knew enough to suspect he was waiting for me. Still, when I caught sight of him, I paused mid-stride unsure of what I should do.

"Want me to tell him to _bugger off_?" Alice said teasingly, imitating one of my most used phrases and making me want to cringe.

I was about to answer when Edward's gaze met mine. His eyes were jaded and pleading, and instantly I felt my anger and indignation towards him weaken.

He'd made a complete fool of me the day before and this was my reaction to him? I was obviously more like my mother than I wanted to accept.

"No, I'll hear him out, I guess," I mumbled, my eyes remaining locked with his.

"Okay, I'll see you inside, then," Alice replied, before walking past Edward as she entered the cafeteria, glowering at him.

Edward only flashed her an exasperated look, before he turned his gaze back to me again.

I sighed inwardly, ordering myself to stay strong before walking over to him. He took the few strides to meet me, before he motioned for us to go outside and away from the crowd of potential eavesdroppers.

I nodded begrudgingly and followed him outside where the chill of the wind would at least mask any reactions I'd have from burning in my face.

Edward turned to me to speak, but I cut in, "I'll hear you out, Edward, but then I want you to leave me alone!" I was determined to keep my resolve not to be weakened by his charm, steadfast.

He bowed his head. "Okay," he agreed softly, before looking up at me again. Then sighing deeply, he opened his mouth, but paused as if he was searching for the right words. When he eventually spoke, his voice was remorseful. "I-I'm ... sorry, Bella..."

There was obviously more he wanted to say, but didn't.

"I thought you said you weren't going to offer up an apology," I reminded him almost sarcastically, but needing to tear my eyes from his as I struggled under the intensity of his gaze. It was beseeching and regretful, and his eyes were burning with concentrated amounts of it.

"I have no defence. It's all I _can _say," he replied, giving me a small rueful smile, before running his hand through his hair and turning away from me.

I had the urge to pound my palm repeatedly against my head. What was the matter with me? What was it about _him_?

I didn't smack my head, instead I closed my eyes, rubbing my forehead and groaning under my breath with such exasperation that it eventually became audible.

He continued speaking, seeming anxious by my reaction. "I didn't mean it—of course I didn't mean it, Bella! This ... _thing _with Jacob, it's nothing _at all _to do with you."

I looked up at him again; his pleading eyes were penetrating and dissolving my will as I stood there. I opened my mouth to reply something snotty, but stopped myself.

I was on the verge of throwing every scrap of my dignity and self-respect to the wind, when I was suddenly distracted by Jessica Stanley as she walked past. She threw me a scornful glare then winked seductively at Edward, blowing him a kiss. Edward watched her pass, his eyebrows knotted, his expression ... I couldn't read it, and instantly I was pissed off.

I felt my resolve snap back into place before my blood rose to heat my face angrily.

"I don't know why you're even bothering with me, Edward. Why don't you just give Jessica your pens? You're both _exceptionally_ good at humiliating me in front of half the school!" I burst out angrily, before stomping away.

Hearing Edward groan, I opened the door to the cafeteria before disappearing inside. As I sat down beside Alice, she flashed me a pained look, her forehead creasing deeply with it,

"That bad?" she asked me tentatively.

"Uh-huh," was my reply.

"What did he say?" she asked, her tone remaining delicate.

I opened my mouth to answer, when I paused. What _did _he say? He'd apologised, but was that the reason why I got so angry with him? Or was it because of Jessica? I shook my head lightly, pushing it to the back of my mind, knowing I wouldn't like the conclusion.

"Nothing, much," I mumbled after a moment.

Alice exhaled, before replying, a smile playing on her lips, "Just remember, Bella, he's male, and there really isn't much hope for any of them."

Scoffing shortly in agreement, I glanced subconsciously over to the cafeteria's entrance when my eyes met with Jacob's. He immediately broke into one of his famous, sunny smiles before mouthing a very deliberate _'you okay'_. My heart warmed, I smiled at him with affection and nodded that I was fine.

The minute I turned away, though, my thoughts were back in turmoil. It should have been simple; black and white. Edward was an asshole and I needed to avoid him. But it wasn't, it was far from it. Something within me was insisting there were shades of grey.

When I walked into biology that afternoon, Edward looked over to me from our lab table. Our eyes caught momentarily before he looked away again with an obvious defeated sigh.

I noticed my regular seat next to him was still vacant, and I thought about sitting next to Mike for a split second, before I realised the error of that decision. I didn't want to give Mike any more encouragement than was absolutely necessary. Besides, being around him made my skin crawl, and the idea of avoiding Edward to the point of switching seats suddenly seemed ridiculous.

Edward had obviously expected me to sit with Mike, because when I took the chair next to him the look on his face was surprise.

I huffed out my breath impatiently. "I wouldn't look so smug, Edward. I'm only sitting here because I suspect Mike is a bigger letch than you are!"

He broke into an immediate grin, almost chuckling through his nose. "I can deal with that."

Irritated, I turned abruptly away from him, keeping my gaze to the front of the class.

Mike walked into the room a moment later, and as soon as he saw me sitting with Edward, his face fell. He walked to his table looking crestfallen and I didn't have to be facing Edward to see the cocky smile that was written across his face. I internalised my impatience with him, having the urge to kick him under the table, but kept my charade of indifference for him intact.

I smiled apologetically at Mike as he passed, but he was more interested in glowering at Edward. I felt a slight pang of guilt for Mike before shoving it away, annoyed at myself again.

I sat next to him for one day—that was it. It didn't mean we were bloody engaged.

Mr Banner walked in and the class started. I felt Edward's eyes on me constantly without having the need to glance in his direction, and when he made a motion to speak, I turned around to face him abruptly.

"I don't want to talk about it, Edward!" I blurted in an angry whisper.

He gazed at me intently for a moment, his eyebrows knotting as if he was trying to work me out. I turned hastily away from him before he succeeded.

"Bella?" he asked me softly.

Sighing, I prayed for an aneurysm.

"What?" I asked reluctantly, without turning to meet his gaze.

"Tell me what I have to do for you to forgive me?" It was a good thing I wasn't looking at him, because the resonance of his voice alone was crushing my resolve.

"Apologise to Jacob," I answered softly but with conviction.

There was silence, and after a moment I turned my head slightly, to glance at him from my peripheral vision. His hands that were resting on the table were clenched into fists. I turned to face him squarely. His eyes looked conflicted below his heavily creased brow, and when he locked them with mine they turned apologetic.

"I can't do that, Bella."

I scoffed, immediately offended. "And _I _can't..." my voice trailed off. I turned back to face the front of the room. It was better that I left it at that.

Edward did not attempt to talk to me for the rest of the lesson. He did the usual Edward Bio things that I was accustomed to; taking off his sweater, sighing to himself and running his hand through his hair a few hundred times, but that was it. And I couldn't in all honesty say I was happy about it.

For the next four weeks that was how it was with him. He was polite and he was courteous, but he wasn't the charming, annoying Edward that I was almost willing to make an exception for. I would pass him in the halls and he'd smile considerately and continue on his way. In Bio, he would acknowledge me when I sat beside him. He would _still_ take his sweater off and run his hands through his hair several times, but other than that, it was nothing that extended beyond being his Biology partner.

Another thing I also noticed during this time was that Alice stopped bothering me about him. In fact, Alice stopped mentioning him period. Suddenly it was as if he had never become an issue.

I was angry. How dare he play with my emotions the way he had.

I would glare at him as we passed in the halls, and at first it seemed to upset him, but after a while his expression would darken and he'd scowl to himself, obviously annoyed. This would carry into Bio as well. One minute he'd be friendly, attempting to gauge me in conversation, but other days he'd sit beside me in stony silence.

But I refused to budge; refusing to apologise to Jacob was the deal breaker for me. What did it matter anyway? I was used to all this back home; boys all too quickly lost interest in me when they realized I wouldn't kick my knickers off at the first sign of interest, like my mother.

**...**

The following Sunday Alice and I went shopping in Port Angeles. I'd admitted defeat and realised I needed serious help with my sense of style, and Alice was only too willing to help me out. I ended up buying a whole lot of stuff I was sure I'd never use—a whole bunch of make-up being just a fraction of it.

"_Bloody hell, _Bella, you're such a _spunk,_" Alice teased me as I peered into the mirror, not recognising the heavily made up person staring back. "See? Not bogan at all."

I met her gaze through the mirror, and flashed her a feigned scowl, shoving her playfully. She got a lot of amusement from my language, but never in the sense that I became neurotic over it.

We were sitting in the middle of my bedroom floor, as I begrudgingly let Alice give me a make-over. I had to hand it to her, I didn't look half bad; only, there was no way I'd ever go out in public looking like this.

"Isn't it nice to see yourself in colour?" she joked lightly, after I'd taken the hand mirror from her to properly inspect the way she'd applied the eye liner.

Bloody hell, my eyes looked like saucers!

"I think I prefer being in black and white," I said dryly handing her back the mirror.

She laughed, nudging me gently, before getting to her feet with a wistful sounding sigh. "Well I'd better go, Emmett and Ed-ward have probably burnt the kitchen down," she stammered stiffly, her eyes flittering away from mine guiltily.

I released my breath, lightly; in good humour. "Bloody hell, Alice. That was awkward."

Besides what was there to be awkward over? I was long past her _brother_.

With her eyes narrowing slightly, she gauged me for a moment, before chuckling warmly, and linking her arm through mine. "Come on, _Barbie_, walk me out. Your Uncle Billy scares me."

"Okay, but first let me wash this make up off. I can feel my pores picketing in protest," I joked, plus Billy scared me just a tad too, and I didn't want him seeing me made up like a hooker.

Walking Alice to the door, I stood hugging my arms around myself and shaking in the icy wind. The temperature seemed to drop to freezing during the last hour.

Alice laughed. "Okay, I won't make you stay out here for too long—your lips are already blue—but just one more thing?"

I nodded questioningly. "W-What?"

"What's with all the Josh Hutchersons?" she asked with dubious amusement.

I laughed. "They're l-left over from when Jake's sisters lived h-here."

Alice raised her eyebrows with a teasing scepticism before smirking. "Uh-huh."

"Honest-ly." I chuckled, only to shudder violently as a chilled shiver ran up my spine.

"Get inside before you freeze. I'll see you at school tomorrow," she ordered with a teasing grin, before walking briskly down the path and getting into her car.

"S-see ya, Alice," I called out, before hurrying inside and shutting the freezing wind out with a slam of the door. "_Bloody hell_!" I exclaimed, attempting to rub warmth back into my frozen limbs.

Jake looked up from the lounge as he watched TV, and grinned. "Yeah, I don't know how you put up with that Cullen chick either, Bells."

I rolled my eyes. "Very funny, Jake. Tell your dad I'll be down in five minutes to start dinner, okay."

"Sure thing," Jake replied simply, turning back to the television.

I headed back upstairs, planning on checking in with the guys before tea. I hadn't emailed them in a while, I reminded myself with a pang of guilt. I tidied my room as I waited for the Internet to properly connect, before opening my mail. There were four emails and I noticed, as my heart skipped a beat, that the first one was from Renee.

I opened her email, before slamming my whole laptop closed angrily the second I read it. She had asked—or more demanded—money, along with a barrage of, obviously drunken, insults.

But then what did I expect? For her to ask how I was doing?

It took me a few moments to calm myself down before I opened my computer again and deleted Renee's email without replying.

The other three emails were from Rach. I opened the first one with a grin already replacing my reaction from Renee's.

At first I thought she was joking; it was ... odd.

**Bella, as soon as you get this email ring me immediately. None of us have your new phone number!**

I opened the second one more intrigued. It was sent almost twenty-four hours after the first.

**Bella! Where are you? I need to speak to you URGENTLY!**

My heart sped up a fraction. The overtone of the emails had me troubled. I opened the third one that was sent an hour after the last.

**Bella, I didn't want to have to tell you this via email. Kel has been in a serious accident. Her outlook is not good. Please, please, **_**please**_** call me.**

My heart immediately lunged into my throat. I read and reread the email repeatedly to make sure I hadn't read it wrong. It said the same thing each time, and I was slowly filled with a heart-wrenching dread.

_Kel!_

I somehow managed to get my legs to work as I half ran, half stumbled out of my room and down the stairs, where Jake practically caught me at the bottom.

"Bella, what's wrong?" he exclaimed.

"I-I have to call Australia—something's happened!" I blurted, pulling myself out of his arms immediately and snatching up the phone. I dialled, but dialled wrong. Slamming the phone down, I dialled again, with my hands shaking violently.

"Bella, what happened?" Uncle Billy asked, suddenly before me.

"Something's happened to Kel—I have to call home!" I blurted, choking past the horrible realisation of it.

Again, I dialled wrong; I almost broke down. Throwing the phone to Jake, I pleaded with him, "Jake, please dial out for me—_please_!"

"Okay, Bells, calm down and tell me what number to dial." His voice was gentle, but it only made my panic increase.

I told Jake Rach's home phone number, my voice trembling and unsteady. I felt sick! He dialled it carefully, listened for it to ring, before handing the receiver back to me.

It picked up a moment later by Rach—only it didn't sound like Rach; her voice was hoarse and broken. I opened my mouth to speak, my voice almost failing me. "Rach—it's me. _What happened_!?"

She broke down immediately. "Bella, it's Kel! She was in a car accident and they're saying she's not going to make it!"

My heart started pounding furiously, but I refused to believe it; I could barely process it. "What?" I uttered, my voice barely more than a whisper.

Rach was almost incoherent, and as I fought to hear her past the sheer terror of my heart as it echoed in my ears, I made out something about the doctors advising Kel's parents to switch off life support.

The phone fell from my hand, my chest restricted, and I collapsed, crumbling into Uncle Billy's arms.

This wasn't happening, I told myself over and over, as I struggled to breathe past the absolute terrifying enormity of it.

It had to be a nightmare!

* * *

**A/N: This story changed course a few times before it really stuck, and it was a bit of a struggle for it to have it all blend together without it sounding ridiculous. Apart of me still thinks it does.**


	9. Nightmares

**A/N: Not a happy chapter. **

* * *

**Chapter 8**

**Nightmares**

**Bella's POV**

I didn't sleep a wink that night. I'd spent it in overwhelming panic, with the horrifying reality of it slowly sinking in. I called Nummi, desperately hoping she'd somehow tell me a different story—that it was all a mistake, and Kel was fine, but she didn't. Her wretched, heart-broken voice only cemented it further into truth. I cried all night—with Jake, as sweet as he was, beside me—pleading for it not to be happening, but by morning I was numb, and I could no longer deny it.

_Emotionally_, I was numb, but physically I felt like I was suffocating.

Billy stayed home from work to keep an eye on me, popping his head around the corner of my bedroom door every so often to check in on me. I pretended to be asleep, but when he withdrew and shut the door again, my eyes welled with inevitable tears. Billy had treated me as though I was his own daughter from the moment I'd stepped off the plane at Port Angeles. It touched me so poignantly, and more so now when I needed a parent with every part of my soul.

It was decided on my behalf by Uncle Billy, my father, Rach and Nummi—even their parents—that I wouldn't come back to Australia. Just yet, that is. But even as I was sick with fear over Kel, the very real prospect of going back home had filled me with a debilitating panic. Not because I feared Kel would die, but because I feared seeing Renee, and facing that part of my life again.

* * *

At around one pm, I dragged myself down stairs. Billy was sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper when I came into the room.

He looked over at me and flashed me a warm, sympathetic smile. "How are you feeling, Bella?"

I shrugged despondently. "I'm fine, I guess."

I was beginning to be plagued by a voice deep within me that told me I needed to go back home—I _needed _to get to Kel's side.

I let out my breath miserably.

Billy only smiled, his eyes glistening sadly. "Try and be positive, okay?" he replied after a reflective pause.

I nodded numbly. "Any news?"

"Oh, yes. One of your friends ... Naomi?" he paused, raising his eyebrows with uncertainty. I smiled slightly and nodded, and he cleared his throat before continuing. "She called about an hour ago to say that Kellie was still having tests done and that she was still ... hanging on."

I only nodded again, as my heart skipped nervously, suspecting he wanted to use another word for Kel's condition; one that wasn't so sugar coated.

I sat down at the table next to him and exhaled into a long, wavering sigh that was entwined with disbelief. "I can't believe this is happening," I whispered.

Billy put his hand on my shoulder, consolingly. "I'm sorry, Bella. But don't give up hope yet, okay?"

Nodding for the third time, I didn't reply. What was there to say?

Billy insisted on making me breakfast, which only made me more nauseous, before I trudged back upstairs. I had a shower and spent the rest of the afternoon avoiding his overly concerned parental vigil by hiding out in my bedroom and pretending to sleep.

But alone in my room my thoughts only drifted inevitably to Kel, increasing the tsunami of fear and pain—and the guilt. Guilt because I should have been with her. Despite what everyone thought was best for me, I should have been sitting on a plane this very minute on my way back to Australia. I needed to overcome my anxiety over Renee, but I knew pathetically I never would.

Nummi called around three o'clock, and as soon as I heard her voice I burst into tears. Kel was still the same. She was hanging on, and it gave me more reason to feel optimistic. She was tough; she'd get through this.

She had to.

"Nummi, I want to come, really I do—so much..." I paused, unable to finish the sentence. I couldn't find the right words to explain it to her so she'd understand, because there wasn't any.

"Bells, you don't need to be here—so please don't do this to yourself," Nummi said quietly, her tone gentle but firm.

It didn't make me feel any better. "Are you sure you're not mad at me?" I asked timidly.

"Of course I'm not mad at you!" I could picture her rolling her eyes and my heart ached. I missed them so much, and didn't realise how the absence of them had left a huge void in my life.

For the rest of the day, I decided to cling to optimism. Kel might have been in a coma, but she was still alive. I needed hope; it was the only way I could breathe. But the guilt was something else altogether; it was shredding me, and I wasn't able to overcome it.

I found myself longing for Jacob, for his company; for the distraction of him and Nessie; and to be reminded why I had to keep Edward out of my thoughts. They arrived home right as expected, and true to spirit for both of them, they came straight into my room and wrapped their arms around me, simultaneously.

It threatened to inundate me with fresh tears, but determined to stay optimistic, I held them off.

"Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry! Is there any news?" Nessie asked gently.

Shaking my head, I replied, barely managing an audible sound, "No, she's still the same."

"But that's good news then?" Nessie replied, raising her brows, her smile remaining gentle.

I nodded, and she fully released me.

I looked over to Jake. He looked exhausted. Like me he hadn't slept a wink, but he still insisted on going to school, even when Uncle Billy had ordered him to bed.

"Oh, Jake, you look buggered!" I exclaimed, feeling terrible.

His bloodshot eyes crinkled in tender amusement. "I'm fine, Bells."

"Yeah, we were going to go to the movies tonight, but I think we might postpone," Nessie said looking at Jake with genuine affection.

Jake turned to her and they shared one of their sloppy, loving gazes.

I only grinned wryly to myself, overwhelmingly grateful for a moment of reprieve.

When Nessie was able to tear her eyes from Jake, she turned back to me, her face suddenly lighting up. "We should all go in a few days, Bells, and Mike said he mentioned it to you already?"

I nodded, forcing myself into half-heartedness, at best, wanting to groan.

"Please consider it, and maybe it will help you get your mind off things," Nessie suggested with sudden enthusiasm, smiling with what I'm sure she thought was the prospect of a riveting night out.

I nodded again, attempting a second smile in return. I didn't really want to give Mike any encouragement, but I was too distracted to really focus on it. "Sure, thanks, Nessie."

Nessie's smile broadened with satisfaction. "Great, Bella. I don't know if I should be telling you this, but I think Mike has a bit of a crush on you."

This time I did groan, barely under my breath, as a surge of added frustration threatened to make it audible.

Nessie quickly added, becoming suddenly uncertain, "It's okay. I think he knows the thing with ... Edward..."

I glanced up at her in surprise, my face immediately flushing. "What _thing_ with Edward?"

I hadn't realised anyone was aware of what was going on with Edward and I, but of course, everyone knew. I felt like cringing. The whole school had definitely heard what he'd told Jake he'd planned on doing with me.

Nessie exchanged a glance with Jake that I didn't quite understand, before turning back to me. "Well, we ... kind of thought you were—"

"There's nothing going on with me and Edward—_nothing_!" I interjected, insistent.

Nessie nodded quickly. "I'm sorry, Bella, we just … " she allowed her voice to trail off, which gave me the impression that she was speaking with hidden innuendos.

I shook my head and cleared my throat softly with quiet resolve. "It's okay, but believe me there's nothing between us."

This time when Nessie turned to glance at Jake, I understood the meaning behind their shared look completely.

Scepticism.

I broke her gaze, barely concealing my frustration. I wanted to yell, t_his is not about Edward!_ Instead, I took another deliberate breath and allowed myself to calm. "Did you guys tell anyone at school today … a-about what happened?"

They shook their heads simultaneously, and I released my breath in relief. The last thing I wanted to do was answer questions, or explain myself; explain my life—or anything that would lead to Renee.

* * *

Alice called me before bed and again her concern threatened to bring me undone. I told her I was feeling unwell, but would be back the next day. I felt guilty lying to her, but I knew she'd be completely wonderful, and I shuddered at the prospect of having her know any more sordid details of my life before Forks.

I decided to keep it to myself—at least until I knew for certain what was happening with Kel.

I slept terribly again. My mind was overflowing, and I was unable to switch it off and fall into a deep sleep; though, the sleep I did manage to get was interrupted by dark, disturbing dreams.

By morning, I looked and felt a complete mess.

I trudged downstairs to a rather rejuvenated Jake, who grinned at me widely before his face instantly fell with concern. "Whoa, Bells! You should stay home again today. You don't look so good."

What I wanted to do was crawl back in bed and go to sleep for the next ten years, but since that wasn't going to happen, I was better off at school. Besides, I wasn't too keen on spending another day alone with nothing but my thoughts.

I shook my head lightly in reply; it was heavy and sluggish. "I'm fine, Jake. The distraction today will do me good. Plus I don't want to hang around all day waiting for news, you know?"

Jake nodded in agreement. "No news is good news, huh?" his voice was tender for a moment.

I smiled at him warmly, before clearing my throat behind a sudden swelling of emotion. I had to hold it together; I had to hold on to hope.

**...**

Alice's face was a perfect mask of concern when she caught up with me before first period. "Oh my goodness! Bella, you should have stayed home again."

"I'm okay, really, Alice," I replied with a hoarse voice, smiling at her to emphasise it, but she only flashed me a dubious look.

I walked from class to class struggling with the turmoil of it and becoming more and more panicked. I don't know how I expected I could keep it from my thoughts. It was always at the front of my mind; a terrible reality that threatened to crush me. All it did was draw more attention to me. Alice's focus was never far from me.

And so was Edward's.

No longer was I scowling at him from the other side of the halls, and when my eyes met his as we passed, his concern was as blatant as Alice's.

**...**

"Bella?" Alice whispered to me during English.

I turned to her; her eyes were searching mine. I looked away quickly. Her gaze was cracking my resolve the longer I held it.

"Yeah?" I answered softly after a moment.

"What happened? I know something's going on. You can tell me, you know that, huh?" The timbre of her voice was so gentle that it tore at my heart.

I only nodded, but didn't offer a reply. Instead, I inhaled back the tears that were threatening and turned away.

She released her breath but didn't say another word.

It was so hard to focus with the level of anguish that faced me, and I started questioning why I was hiding it from her. But I quickly reminded myself that Alice would then expect me to return to Australia; what was I supposed to say to her then? That the very idea of the abusive, alcoholic mother I left behind, placed more fear in me than the prospect of losing my closest friend? I would have to explain Renee, I would be forced to have people know about her.

I remained quiet, holding desperately to the hope that Kel would be fine, and I'd never have to face the reality of losing her _or_ returning home.

I just wasn't ready to face it, but if it came to it—I just needed time to process it.

Alice was never close to being convinced, so after the first several times, I stopped worrying whether she believed me or not.

**...**

I seriously considered skipping Biology. Edward's up and down behaviour was just the thing that could push me over the edge. But when I took my chair beside him, he quite openly stared at me, and continued to until I turned to him in exasperation.

"What are you staring at, Edward?" I demanded, feeling my face burn.

He was flustered for a moment, before he replied, his voice soft, "You … you don't look very well, Bella. Are you all right?"

I closed my eyes feeling myself physically waver before I snapped them open, instantly annoyed at myself. "I was sick yesterday, I'm fine now," I replied flatly, looking away from him quickly. I didn't want to look at him and succumb to that bloody pull he evoked in me.

I heard him exhale deliberately through his nose, and knew he was bloody smiling at me. It irritated me—and more so because a large part of me wasn't. If that even made sense.

But then Edward and I didn't make sense.

"You don't look fine, Bella." His tone was tender—amused.

Nothing about this was amusing!

I turned to him squarely. "Why are you even talking to me, Edward? I thought you were pretending I didn't exist again these days."

Again, he paused, his mouth parting slightly, looking jarred. I waited, my eyebrows raised in irritation. I felt like a bloody yo-yo; up, down, up, down, over and over!

"A-Alice told me I should give you a bit of time, Bella. I didn't realise I was being rude. I was just giving you space." Behind the intensity of his gaze, his eyes were serious, and this time it was me who was lost for words.

_That _was the reason why he was acting the way he had been?

Before I could stop them, my eyes welled with tears. I hastily turned my head, facing away from him and impatiently wiped them away.

"What were you giving me space from, Edward?" I asked, after I was certain I was in control of myself.

When there was no answer, I turned my head to peek at him. His cheeks were flushed and he was opening and closing his mouth in procrastination.

And despite myself—despite the horrifying events of the past two days—a small smile twitched at my lips.

His eyes darted to mine. He caught my smile and returned it—tenfold—all askew, and charming; and arrogant; and cocky!

And I was suddenly angry, and as it came through my expression, his smile faded.

"Can you please just leave me _the fuck_ alone!" I burst, barely a whisper, barely in control of my emotions, and sounding wholly like my mother.

I whipped my head back to the front of the class, pressing my lips together, and bunching my forehead heavily to stop the tears, but still, Edward kept his gaze on me for the entire lesson. It was becoming tangible, and trying to fight it, on top of what was happening with Kel, was exhausting.

I had to keep my thought process simple. Ignore Edward, don't think of Renee, and try and get through another day.

Of Kel surviving.

I escaped Bio before Edward could catch up to me, and headed to sixth period, grateful for the chill of the wind as it momentarily soothed the ache in my chest. When I reached the gym, I yanked open the double doors and stepped inside.

Coach Clapp took one look at me and sent me to the nurse. I willingly went; it kept me away from Alice's constant scrutiny. I felt terrible that I had to avoid her, but this denial I was in was the only way I was able to deal with what was happening. If Kel died, I would have to go back to Australia. If I went back to Australia I would have to face Kel dying—and my mother.

There was no way around it.

Billy gave Mrs Cope permission for me to come home from school early again, and as I pulled into the driveway at home, he was already waiting for me.

I hopped out of the Jeep and smiled at him shamefully.

He sighed, put his hands on his hips, bowing his head for a moment, shaking it. "How much sleep did you get last night, Bella?"

Shrugging sheepishly, I confessed, "A little bit."

"Why didn't you just stay at home again and get some rest," he asked putting his hand on my back and ushering me inside out of the cold.

"I'd rather be at school. It's distracting," I mumbled a reply without meeting his eyes.

He pulled my coat from my shoulders and hung it up. But I barely moved; my attention had caught the sight of the answering machine, flashing with a single message. Billy surveyed my hesitation, before walking over and hitting play, giving me an encouraging smile as he did.

It was Rach.

Again, there was no change with Kel. I sighed deeply out of relief, before a nagging anxiety set in over why she wasn't improving. I knew the longer she didn't improve, the less her chances were of coming out of it. It was going to make it harder for me to convince myself that she was going to be fine, and even harder to continue to pretend _I_ was.

I stood there staring at the machine in quiet consternation, chewing my fingernails, when Billy placed a hand on my shoulder. "Try not to worry so much, Bella. She isn't getting worse. It may take a while before she recovers fully."

I nodded and expelled my breath. He was right; I was thinking ahead of myself.

He _had_ to be right...

I headed for the stairs deciding I definitely had to buy a mobile phone. I needed to be able to reach Rach and Nummi—not to mention Billy. I didn't want him missing any more work on my account any more. I didn't want to disrupt his life—I didn't want to be any more of an inconvenience.

I trudged up stairs, the ache in my chest swelling and ebbing like a wave.

Hope.

Fear.

Hope.

Fear...

**...**

The next day Alice's new plan where I was concerned was to cheer me up. As much as I appreciated it, it was always doomed to fail. All my energy went into my denial, staving off the pessimism, and keeping myself from crumbling beneath the fear; I didn't have a spare scrap of emotion for anything else.

Edward too seemed to be everywhere I looked; gazing at me with so much intensity that my whole train of thought vanished the moment our eyes caught. He made me question what I thought I knew—what I thought I felt. It only made me angry and frustrated with myself, then relieved that in focusing on him, it took my focus off Kel.

I was falling apart.

**...**

"You seem to be happier today," Alice commented during lunch.

I nodded and shrugged. "I'm okay, Alice. Really. I'm just a bit—a bit tired," I stammered, feeling so rotten for continuously lying to her. But, it was only half a lie this time; I still wasn't sleeping.

"Bella, are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" she asked gently.

I sighed. She was so persistent.

I didn't want to have to keep telling her how fine I was; I didn't want to have to keep lying to her, but I wasn't ready yet, and time was running out.

"Bella?" she asked when I didn't answer, breaking into my thoughts.

I snapped my head up and looked over to her. "Sorry, Alice, what were you saying?"

She smiled at me and sighed softly. "Never mind."

I returned her smile, apologetically. "Sorry, Alice I..." I left the sentence unspoken.

What could I say? That despite all my efforts to convince myself otherwise, I was going near crazy with worry over my closest friend, but the idea of going back to Australia was just as equally debilitating? Not to mention the frustrating fact that her brother had some kind of power over me that I couldn't even begin to fathom.

Tomorrow. I'd tell her about it tomorrow...

Biology was pretty much as it had been the day before; with Edward's distracting gaze constantly on me. He said hello when I sat beside him and removed his sweater not long after. He didn't ask me if I was okay, even though I was sure he wanted to several times. He tried to engage me in conversation, but I wouldn't budge. I continued to ignore him as best as I could, because I knew focusing on him, instead of Kel, made me feel better for the moment, before it only made things worse.

At the end of the day Alice walked with me to the parking lot, but she wasn't her usual, cheerful self. She was quiet and distracted, and as much as it made me feel rotten, I had to admit, I preferred it to her constant scrutiny. I was aware of how horribly I was treating her, but I was too ashamed; too ashamed of myself, my past, and my mother.

I ignored the glares Jacob and Edward shared before climbing into the Jeep, telling Jake sternly to follow me.

"Bella, we've decided to go to the movies tomorrow night. Do you still want to come?" Nessie asked, breaking the comfort of the silence I was enjoying into our trip home.

_No._

"Okay, sure, Nessie. I'm sure it'll be... fun." I lied, not bothering to attempt any enthusiasm.

She and Jacob shared a cynical look that I didn't miss from my rear view mirror, but I ignored it. My only thoughts at that moment were filled with my newly formed afternoon routine; get home, check the answering machine to make sure Kel was still alive, lock myself in my room and try to distract myself, try not to think about Edward, or my mother—or my past; let the anger and fear consume me; cry in the shower; throw up; think about confiding in Alice; and fall asleep.

There was a message from Rach. She left no real details, just asking me to call her back. I grabbed the phone clumsily and dialled her number with my heart lunging in my throat. She answered it after the first ring, and the despondency in her tone had increased. I held my breath and waited for her to continue.

"Bells, she's still the same... but..." she paused.

My hand subconsciously ran up to my forehead; I grabbed a fistful of my hair as fear suddenly wrapped itself around my heart and squeezed.

"But what, Rach? Just tell me, please!" I spoke anxiously, on the verge of tears.

Jake was beside me instantly. He put his arm over my shoulder protectively, but I was barely aware of him. I was suddenly feeling very helpless and insignificant, that everything around me seemed so huge and I was drowning.

"Bella, they're saying we should expect the worst," Rach finally spoke with a numbing resignation to her tone.

"Why?" I whispered.

"The tests ... the tests aren't very positive, but her parents are still getting a second opinion. I dunno..." She sighed deeply, miserably, her voice wavering as it trailed off.

I nodded numbly, stupidly, feeling suddenly faint.

"'Kay, thanks, Rach," I mumbled, my voice devoid of emotion.

Hanging the phone up without another word, I turned to walk upstairs.

Jake reached out and caught me in his mammoth grip. "Bells, you okay? What happened?" he asked, his eyes deepening with sudden concern.

"Nothing, Jake. Let me go. I need to lie down," I replied, weakly.

I needed to lie down before I fell down. The room was beginning to spin and my knees felt like they were about to buckle beneath me.

Jake insisted on helping me up to my room. Then he and Nessie fussed over me until I was tired of insisting that I was fine and came close to chucking a hissy fit. I had no more tears to shed, so I just lay on my bed, numb with that dreadful ache shredding my heart to pieces, and never feeling so alone in my entire life.

I went downstairs at 5:30 pm to start dinner, only to discover that Billy was already home and had bought pizza.

"You hungry, Bella?" he asked me, with a warm, empathetic smile.

I wasn't. In fact, the thought of eating made me want to throw up, but I forced myself to join him and Jake, and ate a slice of pizza mechanically. I stayed and chatted for an acceptable amount of time, before retiring back upstairs, but Billy was no more convinced that I was handling it okay, than Alice was.

It was irrelevant though.

I'd had a shower and was drying my hair in my room, when there was a polite knock on my door.

"Come in, Uncle Billy," I called; my voice was flat and emotionless, despite my attempts to make it sound otherwise.

Even though he had asked me to call him just Billy, I was never able to do it. Besides, I enjoyed calling him 'Uncle Billy'. It was comforting that I could associate him as my family—now that I _had_ family.

He came in with a cup of hot chocolate and placed it on my bedside table with an awkward grin.

"Sleep well, Bella," he said gently, planting a kiss on the top of my head before leaving again.

I took the hot chocolate and curled up with it in the old rocking chair by the window as I listened to the steady sound of the rain outside. It wasn't soothing any more; in fact, ironically it was the complete opposite. All the Forks rain now screamed at me that I _wasn't_ in Australia, where I needed to be; that I was far from it.

I sipped my hot chocolate slowly, with tears running down my cheeks soundlessly. Not long after, I was hit by an incredible wave of exhaustion. I crawled under the covers and slept a dreamless sleep until the alarm woke me twelve hours later.

* * *

**A/N: It's not easy writing this sort of thing, to get myself into the mind of Bella and how she thinks. But if it sucks and is unconvincing, I don't mind if you tell me so.**


	10. In the Arms of an Angel

**A/N: Jeez what a corny chapter title...**

* * *

**Chapter 9**

**In the Arms of an Angel**

**Bella's POV**

"Jeez, Bells, I didn't hear a peep out of you last night," Jake said with a grin, the next morning at breakfast.

"That's because the tooth fairy slipped an antihistamine in my hot chocolate last night." I returned his smile, wryly.

I was clear-headed for the first time in days, but it made no difference; the ache in my chest still remained. It was becoming heavy, weighing me down, and I was really beginning to worry I wouldn't be able to hold it together for much longer.

Jake's grin broadened, before he added, "You coming tonight with me and Ness?"

"_And _Mike," I reminded him.

"Yeah, him too." He half rolled his eyes.

I shrugged with deliberate indifference. "I 'spose."

"Wow, don't hold back on the enthusiasm, Bells," he teased me before continuing. "You don't have to come. If you ask me, Mike's a douche."

I scoffed softly, wanting to agree with him. I wasn't very keen on spending any length of time with Mike, as friends or otherwise. There was something about him that was beginning to rub me the wrong way.

"Nah, I said I'd go,"—who knew, it could be a good distraction—"but I hope Mike realises that it isn't a double date or anything. _Just friends_," I stressed. In truth, I didn't even really want to be that_. _

"I'll make him realise. Don't stress about it, Bells. To be honest, I think I'd rather you be with _The Princess_, than Newton. He's such a pansy," Jake admitted, snorting openly to himself, before taking a huge spoonful of cereal.

I only stared at him, blinking, and having no idea whether he was serious or not.

Good bloody grief!

**. . .**

My denial began slipping, and I went through school with a genuine anxiety that I hadn't felt before then. It was almost like I was constantly on the verge of a full blown panic attack, and the fear of it actually happening began rivalling my fear over Kel.

It wasn't something I could mask, either, and it was blatantly obvious that Alice was aware of it.

"Bella, please tell me what's going on with you?" she pleaded, almost to the point of exasperation.

"_Nothing_ is wrong with me, Alice!" I snapped, my face flushing angrily, but I didn't want to have to keep explaining myself.

She immediately hesitated, before her expression softened. "I'm sorry, Bella. I don't mean to upset you. I'm just worried about you."

I only sighed, heavily, immediately remorseful.

Alice was apologising for being more of a friend than I deserved. I desperately wanted to tell her everything—I had to get it out because it was beginning to shred me—but I didn't know how to tell her. I didn't want her knowing about my past, and I didn't want to face the possibility of Kel dying.

And I didn't want to go back.

"Don't apologise, Alice. You've been great. I—I just have a few things on my mind at the moment, that's all," I mumbled, dropping my gaze to the floor so she wouldn't see the guilt behind my eyes.

Alice wasn't being her usual self, either; she was distracted again, but of course, I was too anaesthetised by my own pitiful, self-absorption to properly notice.

"Oh, Bella, I'm not going to be at Gym today. I have a doctor's appointment," she said to me, a little too casually, as we entered the cafeteria at lunch.

"Okay. . ." was all I offered in reply.

As Alice lined up to buy her food, I made my way to our table, not in the mood to eat. When I sat down, I expelled every molecule of air from my lungs before dropping my head in my hands. On top of everything else, this denial I was fighting to maintain was exhausting.

When I eventually looked up again, I realised Edward was sitting at the table gazing at me with a troubled look etched on his face. Immediately flustered, I quickly looked away.

"Hey, Bella—everything okay?" he asked, his voice reflecting what his expression was disclosing.

"Yeah, fine," I mumbled, without looking at him, and feeling my face flush the longer I could feel his gaze on me.

He didn't reply—something I was glad of . . . until I wasn't.

When I braved another glance in his direction a moment later, I realised his focus was no longer on me. He was gazing off into space, at seemingly nothing, his expression almost plagued.

I followed his gaze; he was watching Alice, and as I sat in contemplation over it for a moment, Alice herself plonked down, sliding a bottle of Coke in front of me.

"I know you said you weren't hungry, Bella. Don't be angry." She flashed me a quick grin.

Returning her smile awkwardly, I took the bottle in my hands. "Thanks, Alice," I murmured.

She turned to Edward then, shoving him playfully. "What are you doing here?"

He only smiled to himself before turning it on her, just as Rose and Jazz joined us.

This is when I noticed a change in Jazz's behaviour, as well. He wasn't as _"hands on"_ as he usually was. Instead, he appeared consciously tender with her. Alice was still largely her usual self, and she accepted Jazz's affections without reacting to the change in him; though, she did appear to be somewhat preoccupied.

"I see you're still mute today, Bella—not to mention paler than usual," Rose spoke up, and of course, this attracted everyone's attention.

I only sat shrinking further into myself, irritated, and feeling my face prickle as a result.

"You sure you don't need to talk about anything, Bella? We're all here for you," Alice asked me delicately, unwittingly adding to my discomfort.

I huffed, shortly, sharply, instantly annoyed and absolutely detesting the fact that I was the subject of their conversation—like I used to be. The girl who everyone stared at and whispered about.

"Jesus, Alice—stop _hassling_ me!" I snapped, as angry tears filled my eyes. "Don't you think I would have told you already if I wanted to? So kindly shove your pity down someone else's throat for once!" I was cruel, completely irrational, and I regretted it immediately.

I'd hurt her, and for a moment it was obvious, before her expression slowly gave way to anger.

"_Fine_, Bella. Maybe I will!" she replied sharply, before getting out of her chair in one defiant movement, and shoving it back in place.

And before I could apologise, she stalked away, with Jazz in pursuit; at least, after he'd openly glared at me, that is.

Immediately frozen by guilt and remorse, my gaze fell down to the bottle of coke I still gripped in my hands, too ashamed to face anyone else.

I was becoming something I didn't recognise.

When I eventually looked up, turning to Edward to apologise for my behaviour, I realised I was the only one still sitting at the table. They'd all left.

A horrible wave of grief washed over me, and before I could comprehend it, it had already got control of me. I felt like I was suddenly falling and I couldn't breathe; my chest was so tight it was burning.

With tears beginning to flood me, I clumsily got to my feet, all but knocking over my chair, before running out of the cafeteria. I headed to the parking lot with the intention of going home. I could feel myself coming apart and I refused to bring anyone else down with me.

I _wasn't_ my mother.

Stopping for a moment to pull my keys out of my bag, I was suddenly grabbed by the hand and spun around, until I was facing Edward.

I only inhaled sharply in surprise.

"That was a really shitty thing you said, Bella!" he said coldly, his eyes boring into mine, accusingly.

I shrank away from him, and not only because he was right, but because I was beginning to feel like he was suddenly seeing me—seeing who I really was.

"Why the hell would you treat her like that?" he demanded, without waiting for me to answer, but the anger in his voice was already fading.

I shook my head, trying to get myself under control, but I was crumbling.

"I—I'm sorry," was all I could utter, my breath coming out in rasps, the tears blinding my vision.

Edward only stared at me, his forehead creasing deeper the longer his gaze remained fixed on me.

"Bell. . ." he began, his voice softening, but he didn't finish; he only continued to gaze at me, with blatant confusion.

And I couldn't stand it—I couldn't stand the way he was staring at me. I felt naked and exposed, and it was only increasing my panic.

"I-I'm sorry, Edward," I repeated, my tone wavering and reflecting the urgency I felt to get away from him. "I have to go home."

Turning away from him, I jumped in my car and started the engine, feeling his gaze remain on me the entire time.

As I drove home, sobbing and struggling to breathe past the absolute grief and panic that was beginning to feel like it was choking me, I came to a horrible acceptance. I was going to lose my best friend, the closest person I had in the world to me; the one person who had kept me alive, and I knew only one thing: I would _never_ recover.

When I arrived home, I called Billy to let him know. I almost expected him to start screeching down the phone at me, for being a pain in the arse, good for nothing inconvenience. After all, that's what I was—that's what I was always told I was—but Billy was understanding, his rough voice full of compassion. So much so that I had to hang up the phone before I broke down again.

It was hard to comprehend sometimes: the unconditional love my uncle had for me.

In the house alone after, I attempted to keep myself preoccupied, afraid to stop and listen to the truth behind my thoughts. I cleaned the house, vacuuming, mopping and dusting, but it couldn't stop the fear or panic from anchoring itself in my heart. Or the realisation that I couldn't keep going on the way I was—in this denial. If I did, I'd lose the one friend who I valued more than any other since moving to Forks.

Alice.

Grabbing my car keys from the mantel, I raced out the front door, and was headed to Alice's house before I was really aware of it.

When I arrived I parked my car at the beginning of the drive way. I felt uneasy about parking right out in front; I'd driven Alice home a couple of times, but I'd never been in the house. It's not that she hadn't invited me in; she had, plenty of times, but I'd always declined, not wanting to run into Edward.

Edward, however, was the last person on my mind this time.

Hopping out of the Jeep, I pulled my jacket tighter around my torso, hugging it to me before I began walking down the twisting gravel road to the house. For the longest moment, I was worried I was lost and I wasn't at the Cullens at all. Alice had always insisted I drop her off at the beginning of the driveway, after all; none of what I was seeing was familiar.

Then of course, with still no sign of the house, the heavens opened up above me in true Forks style. I ended up running for the rest of the journey, and by the time I made it to the front door of the white Georgian house, I was drenched, mud splattered, and a gasping, trembling mess.

Reaching up to use the knocker, I hesitated, pausing to pull myself together for a moment. Then without warning, Edward walked straight through the door and straight into me. He almost knocked me to the ground, immediately reaching out to steady me, before I think he even realised who it was he'd collided with.

When he did look down at me, his eyes widened immediately in surprise. "Bella, Jesus! Are you okay?!" he exclaimed, his voice rising with alarm.

"Is Alice home?" I asked and that was as far as I got before I broke completely open.

I wasn't sure if it was impulse, or I was literally unaware of what I was doing, but as I burst into tears, I collapsed against him. At first he didn't move; in fact, he appeared frozen, unsure what to do, before slowly, I felt his arms encircle around me, pulling me fully against him as he all but carried me inside.

I was exhausted, exhausted from running down the driveway; from crying every night—from fighting the reality of it every day—that my legs were like lead weights. I only clung to him, desperately trying to stop myself from drowning beneath the truth that I had finally accepted.

Sitting me down on a sofa in the front room of the house, Edward helped me out of my soaking jacket gently, before disappearing out of the room. He returned a moment later with a blanket that he draped gently around my shoulders, before kneeling down in front of me, gazing at me, his forehead knotted with that same confusion; only this time it was increasing with concern.

I only sat before him in a pitiful attempt to pull myself together, but knowing I was failing miserably.

"Calm down, Bella," he urged me, his voice deliberately gentle, "and tell me what happened."

I opened my mouth to speak, but the words only came out of my mouth in a stutter as my chest jerked continuously through the tears. I couldn't stop them. They were flooding me, and I was drowning beneath them.

And Kel was dying.

This is when Edward pulled me against him, and wrapped his arms around me.

I instantly felt safe with him—it was such a foreign feeling for me that I was surprised I was so accepting of it—and before I could second guess myself, I completely relaxed against him.

"What is going on with you, Bella?" I heard him whisper to himself, his hot breath washing over the numb, cold skin at the side of my neck.

Closing my eyes, I let myself calm, before reluctantly pulling myself from his chest. He released me before hesitantly reaching out to wipe a wet strand of my hair away from my face, tucking it behind my ear.

Looking up, I caught his gaze; he smiled gently, before grabbing a box of tissues from the table beside the sofa.

"Thanks," I mumbled, my voice hoarse, before pulling a tissue from the box and wiping my eyes awkwardly.

His smile only broadened, before he sat beside me on the sofa, angling his body towards me. "Bella. . ." he began, but seemed to abandon it.

"I'm okay now," I mumbled, as a pre-emptive to the question it was obvious he wanted to ask.

This seemed to amuse him; though, why, I had no idea.

"Bella, the last thing you are is okay," he replied; he was serious, but his tone was light.

I only shrugged, sheepishly.

Tentatively, he took my hand in his, looking down at it for a moment before again meeting my eyes. "What happened, Bella?" he asked me one more time, almost resigned this time.

But could I tell him? Could I confide it all to him? Could I tell him about Renee?

There was just no way!

"I-I just need to speak to Alice," I replied, glancing away from him, my voice catching.

"Alice isn't back yet," he answered, as I felt myself waver again.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," I said sincerely, pleading with him to believe me." What I said to her. . ." my voice completely broke this time, and I paused, inhaling back fresh tears, "I didn't mean it."

He nodded in understanding, replying softly, "She knows, Bella."

Taking a heavy breath, I stared down at the tissue I still had clamped in my hand.

I could tell him about Kel. . .

Taking a resigned breath, and hesitating for several moments, I eventually opened my mouth to speak.

"My best friend in Australia, Kel—I've known her all my life—she-she was in a car accident, and they don't think she's going to make it," I admitted, and it was the first time I'd ever spoken it out loud—the first time I'd ever let myself believe it—and as my own words sunk in, I felt myself crumble beneath them.

"Bella—shit!" Edward replied, his voice softening, before once again slipping his arm around my shoulder, and pulling me against him. "I'm so sorry, but why didn't you say anything?" he asked, the confusion this time thick in his tone.

Clearing the emotion from my voice, I half shrugged, hopelessly. "I didn't . . . I didn't want to believe it."

His arms tightened around me, before he rested his chin gently on top of my head, and for a moment I closed my eyes, as the pain in my heart subsided—even if just a little bit. His arms were warm, very warm—almost toasty, and incredibly comforting, and right at the moment, he was all that was stopping me from sliding into the abyss I'd been fighting against all week.

"I-I slobbered all over your shirt," I mumbled, once he'd released me, feeling my face flame.

I heard his breath shoot through his nose in obvious amusement. "It's okay. I have others."

Meeting his gaze, I returned his smile, awkwardly, before he handed me another tissue.

"Are you going back to Australia to see her?" Edward asked me delicately after another pause.

I tensed, my heart accelerating in immediate panic. This was what I'd been dreading all along.

"Probably," I mumbled, my eyes dropping to the floor.

There was no response and when I braved Edward's gaze again, he appeared to be lost in thought.

"It-it's ... complicated," I elaborated with rising frustration, shaking my head.

It was clear he didn't understand; his expression only piqued further, before he eventually nodded. "Okay."

"I-I can't talk about it," I insisted, knowing I was sounding irrational again, but I couldn't help it. I wanted him to understand—to understand without mentioning my mother.

"Bella . . . I believe you," he replied, the tone of his voice lightening as a smile ghosted over his lips.

I dropped my forehead to my palm, frustrated at myself and feeling defeated again. "It's hard to explain, Edward, but . . . but," I paused searching for the right words to better explain it, but when it was obvious I had nothing, I reluctantly went with honesty, "I don't want to go back."

Of course, it left more questions than it did answers, but I continued to gaze deep into his eyes, silently pleading with him to understand.

And then he went and asked the million dollar question, "What happened to you in Australia, Bella?"

I froze for a moment, having absolutely no idea how I could answer him. Then taking a heavy, resigned breath, and with my shoulders slumping in defeat, I explained to him the one thing I swore I never would, "My mother . . . d-didn't want me."

Again, I was met by silence. I looked up slowly, reluctantly meeting his gaze, wanting to shy away from the seriousness behind his eyes. It was clear he wanted to ask more questions, but he didn't; instead, he reached up and ran the back of his hand across my cheek so delicately his fingers barely grazed my skin.

It surprised me, and for the first time I became aware of the close proximity I was to him. I was noticing things about him I'd missed before; the flecks of gold in his eyes, his long curling lashes, and the stubble that aligned his jaw—his jaw that he was clenching and unclenching as his gaze lingered on me. Something that made my heart quicken, immediately making me conscious of it.

"Bella . . ." his voice had turned husky, as he continued to stare unfathomably into my eyes, "how the hell could she not want you?"

It was another question I had no answers for. A question I had no intention of debating or analysing, but it was out there now, and I couldn't take it back.

I shrugged, again glancing away from him, feeling my face deepen in shame.

He reached out to me then, his palm finding my chin, before he guided my gaze back to his.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he spoke, his voice dropping to a whisper, before almost appearing to hesitate, he inclined his head towards mine.

I froze.

Was he going to kiss me? Did I even want him to?

I continued to be flooded with this uncertainty, when his face got within an inch of mine and then paused.

"Are you okay?" he asked me.

He was so close he was out of focus, and I was beginning to sway. "Yes—no. I mean—shut up!"

And lose my faculties.

He broke immediately into a small amused smile, but I only blinked as his lips closed slowly over mine.

Why is it when your mouth is occupied you immediately need to breathe through it?

He pulled away fractionally, and I expelled my breath, before again his lips, firm, soft, and slightly open, pressed against mine.

I was tense, I felt awkward and stupid—and my eyes were open. I shut them quickly, attempting to ignore the tingling going on in my fingers and toes—not to mention in the pit of my stomach—before apprehensively reaching out to him.

This is when we were interrupted by the abrupt sound of a throat clearing.

Immediately pulling from Edward's embrace I looked up, my heart hammering in flustered panic, only to discover Emmett and Rose standing in the room before us, smirking.

"I hate to interrupt, Edna, but is Elfling and Dr Doolittle home yet?" Emmett asked, the obvious enjoyment he was getting over walking in on us plastered brazenly across his face.

"No, they're not back yet," Edward answered awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck without meeting Emmett's gaze, while a surge of blood travelled to the tips of his ears.

I smiled to myself.

Emmett nodded, his grin turning devious, before he turned his attention to me. "Is that your Jeep at the beginning of the driveway, Bella?"

"Um . . . yeah," I answered awkwardly, nodding simultaneously.

"Right. . ." he drawled teasingly, cocking a dubious eyebrow.

"How are you, Bella?" Rose spoke up. "You look a mess."

"Yeah. . . " was my moronic reply, but this was typical Rose, so I took no offence to it.

"Okay, well we'll leave you two to get back to it then," Emmett said, winking slyly, before pulling Rose with him out of the room.

Sighing to himself, Edward ran his hand forward through his hair, before turning to face me, and motioning to me with his index finger.

I hadn't realised, but I'd scooted to the other side of the sofa away from him.

Taking my hand in his, he got up from the sofa, pulling me with him.

"Come on," was all he said as he led me out of the room and into the kitchen, where he released me to open the refrigerator. Pulling out two cans of coke, he handed me one, smiling warmly.

I only smiled in return, being able to properly smile for the first time in days. I suddenly felt incredibly unburdened.

"We can wait for Alice in the back room, if you like? It's quieter in there, no chance of Emmett walking—" he stopped abruptly, suddenly unsure of himself.

My smile broadened, becoming softly audible.

"Is that okay?" He appeared self-conscious this time

"It's fine, Edward. I don't think you'll bite me," I teased him lightly.

When he smiled again, a little of his charm crept back into it. "Well, I wouldn't believe everything you've heard about me, Bella."

I wasn't sure about it, though. I'd heard _a lot _about him, after all.

He led me into the family room off the kitchen; it housed two sofas and a coffee table, amidst several potted plants. Aligned along the walls were various framed pictures of Emmett, Alice and Edward from chubby babies to their present ages.

Breaking into a curious, amused grin, I went over to study them closer; taking a particular liking to the twin babies lying on a blanket together without a stitch of clothing on.

Hearing Edward groan good-naturedly from behind me, I turned back to him almost chuckling. "You and Alice were terribly cute."

He exhaled an embarrassed sort of breath. "Okay, but you do realise that you now owe me a baby photo of you."

I frowned, before I was barely aware of it, faltering—not wanting to admit that there were no baby photos of me.

"Sure," I mumbled, breaking eye contact with him for a moment—and all but giving it away.

Taking a deliberate breath, and drawing my attention back to him, Edward sat down on one of the sofas; motioning for me again to sit next to him.

Sitting beside him, I gripped my can of coke in my hands and looked down, awkwardly. I was finding it increasingly harder to look him in the eye—for various reasons. Mostly because I feared he now knew too much about me.

"Hey?" he said softly, grabbing my attention by donging my knee playfully with his closed fist. I looked up at him. "I hope she makes it, Bella," he said, his tone dropping, seriously.

I smiled at him, knowing it was fractured, but didn't allow my thoughts to linger on it. "Yeah . . ."

"I . . . I know what it's like to lose someone. . ." he admitted, quietly.

I looked over at him just in time to see a flicker of pain cross his face. "Who—?" I asked, but immediately let it go.

"My dad," Edward answered softly, pausing to clear his throat; making it evident that it was difficult for him to talk about. "He died when Alice and I were ten."

"Oh . . . I'm sorry. . ." I whispered, rubbing my brow heavily with immediate guilt, feeling more and more wretched over the way I'd treated Alice.

"I'm okay now, I guess, but it never really goes away," he mumbled with a helpless shrug of his shoulders.

I only gazed at him for a moment, feeling the warm smile curve on my lips. "Thanks, Edward, for . . . listening to me," I broke off and bowed my head, feeling suddenly self-conscious. "I must have seemed like a nut case when you first saw me, huh?"

He broke into a soft, responsive laugh. "Not _quite_ a nut case."

"Do I really look like a mess?" I asked, before I was hit by immediate mortification, not believing I had actually asked him that.

Of course, his grin only broadened, and I wasn't sure if he found me amusing or he was just trying to charm me.

Leaning closer to me, he all but placed his lips against my earlobe, before answering huskily, "You're not a mess, Bella. What you are is incredibly adorable."

I faltered, completely lost for words for a moment. At least that was my initial reaction. My second was one of pure cynicism, and this time, with the smirk growing rapidly across my face, I practically scoffed.

"Seriously?" I asked him, unconvinced, quirking a suspicious, dubious eyebrow.

He only gazed at me for a moment his mouth all but falling open, before he paused, his expression furrowing. It was him who seemed lost for words this time, before he released it, along with his breath, and broke into an eventual smile. "Bella . . . if I kiss you, will you turn to stone again?"

For the second time I was speechless, but Edward didn't allow me to answer, regardless. In the next moment, his lips were pressed tenderly against mine, his body so close I could feel the heat emanating from him.

This is when we were interrupted a second time.

I pulled away from him, my head spinning, my senses sluggish, and this time found myself staring up at Alice; who was staring back, a broad, all too knowing grin on her lips.

Beside me, Edward dropped his head into his hands, groaning softly to himself as Alice continued to smirk at him in full amusement, before she turned her attention to me.

"I thought that was your car in the driveway, Bella. What's it doing so far away?" she teased me.

But before I could answer, I recalled the reason for my being there, and jumping up from the sofa, I threw my arms around her.

"I'm so sorry, Alice," I blurted out, choking back fresh tears before apologising to her repeatedly and tightening my arms around her.

"Bella, what—" she broke off, appearing surprised at first, though her tone was soaked with concern.

When I looked at her she was staring at Edward, flashing him a bewildered look.

"Come on, let's go chat in my room," she suggested, flashing me an encouraging smile, before grabbing my hand and leading me toward the stairs.

I told her about Kel—careful not to give too much away about Renee, but telling her more than I'd confessed to Edward—and my fear of returning to Australia. It was still so wretchedly difficult to talk of Kel possibly dying, and again just the suggestion of it felt like it was piercing my heart. Holding the tears back was near impossible, so again, for a moment, I surrendered to them.

"God, Bella," Alice whispered, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. "I'm so sorry."

I only nodded, attempting, futilely, to dry my eyes as fresh tears continued to fall.

"Promise me, Bella, that you will come to me next time—instead of bottling it all up inside again?" she insisted, breaking the silence with only semi-teasing sternness.

Exhaling heavily, I nodded again, conceding, as I pulled myself together.

"I'm so sorry, Alice," I confessed a moment later, still so plagued by guilt. "I can't believe how terribly I treated you."

"It's okay, Bella. I knew something was seriously up with you, but I've been a bit edgy today as well," she confessed, her expression for a moment darkening.

"You-you said you had a doctor's appointment—are . . . you okay?" I asked, tactfully, feeling a ripple of panic at the very idea that Alice might be very sick.

She nodded, frowning, and appearing distracted for a moment. "Yeah, I have to every few months."

I only gazed intently at her, holding my breath, without fully realising it.

Snapping her head back to me, she smiled a little self-consciously. "I guess you've heard that I had Leukaemia?"

I nodded, feeling myself relax a little as she described it in the past tense. "Nessie said something about it. . . "

She shrugged as if to say it was no big deal, but the look in her eyes immediately contradicted her. "It was two and a half years ago. I had Acute _Lymphoblastic Leukaemia_," she explained, pulling a face as she sarcastically sounded it out. "I've been in remission for eighteen months, but I have to get an MRI scan and bloods done every few months to make sure it hasn't come back."

I immediately recalled Edward and Jazz's behaviour around her during lunch that day. It made perfect sense, and I cringed further when I thought of what I'd said to her.

"Bloody hell!" I sighed heavily, the guilt all but suffocating me. "I'm so sorry, Alice."

"No more apologising, okay, Bella? It's fine," she insisted warmly, breaking into one of her optimistic smiles.

"When do you get the test results back?" I asked her, running my hand through my hair subconsciously; it instantly became tangled in it.

She shrugged again. "In a couple of days."

"Of all the days to chuck a mental at you, Alice," I whispered, releasing my breath with the urge to pound my closed fist into my forehead.

Her smile, although sympathetic, was hedged with amusement. "You had good reason to _chuck a mental_. I understand, really."

Taking another measured breath, I asked apprehensively, "Do-do you think I should go home?"

"No. You're clearly not ready," she replied, her tone serious.

"I don't want to think about her dying. I can't. . ." I confessed in a whisper.

"Oh, Bella, just know that I'll be here for you, and so will Edward." At the mention of her brother's name, her expression immediately turned sly, and as she continued to gaze at me, a shrewd smirk grew slowly across her face.

My face only burned brazenly in response, and I broke into a small abashed smile, feeling completely exposed.

"So . . . what's going on? I walk in the room and I discover you making out with my brother," she teased me, her brow raised.

"We weren't _making out_! We just had a . . . moment. . ." I confessed, biting my lower lip to prevent my face from completely breaking into hives by how hot I could feel it turning.

"Uh-huh." Alice grinned knowingly.

"Alice, stop it," I mumbled, breaking her gaze.

"Well? I'm waiting. . ." she said to me, raising her eyebrows expectantly when I again met her eyes.

"What . . . are you waiting for?" I asked blankly.

Sighing shorting, almost huffing, she rolled her eyes. "For details, you dope. Spill it!"

Taking a deep breath, and with a ferocious blush penetrating my face, I explained in sketchy detail what had happened up until the moment she walked in on us. And much to my continued surprise, I could barely speak a single sentence without stuttering, nor disguise the fact that as I relayed it, my hands openly shook.

And soon my thoughts became more consumed by my reaction to it, than what had actually happened.

Naturally, Alice broke into whole-hearted laughter. "Poor Edward. Emmett will never let him live this down."

I only smiled, awkwardly again, my gaze falling to my lap.

"Edward is my brother, so it was a total cringe-fest for me, but otherwise I'd say that it was the sweetest thing I've ever heard," she concluded, once her laughter had died down, and before her expression turned slightly more serious. "Let's just hope he can get through another day without screwing up."

**. . .**

It was close to five when I rose to go home. I was reluctant; especially with the knowledge that I'd agreed to go to the movies tonight with Ness and Jacob. I had this nagging feeling Nessie was trying to set me up with her brother, and I wasn't in any frame of mind to fight off Mike's lecherous affections.

"Come on, silly, I'll walk you to your car—that's sitting five miles away," Alice joked, linking her arm through mine as we made our way back down the stairs.

As we passed the living room, I noticed Edward—very conveniently—hanging out in the darkened room. But then I was becoming more and more cynical regarding him. My better instincts told me I needed to be on guard, and I wasn't sure whether it stemmed from my experiences in Australia or from Edward himself.

"Edward!" Alice called to him. "Come and walk Bella and me to her car. It's so far away we might get attacked by wolves."

Edward only appeared to smirk to himself, before coming to join us.

We had not walked ten metres beyond the front porch when Emmett appeared, calling to Alice that Jazz was on her phone.

She turned to me, appearing uncertain.

"It's okay, Alice. You go. I'll see you at school tomorrow," I reassured her, flashing her a warm, grateful smile.

Throwing me an almost knowing grin in return she hugged me quickly, before turning to Edward, her smile turning to a sly smirk. "You be a gentleman, now."

* * *

**A/N: First kisses are always awkward, aren't they?**


	11. Alligators and Crocodiles

**A/N: a quarter of the way there... Some more puke and cheese puffs before I decided to get sadistic :)**

* * *

**Chapter 10**

**Alligators and Crocodiles**

**Edward's POV**

"You be a gentleman, now," Alice teased me, winking with a sly grin—like the annoying little pain in the ass she was—before running back inside.

I only rolled my eyes at the little rat before turning to Bella; she looked up at me and smiled. Her eyes were endless, and she looked so fucking fractured that it instantly made me feel edgy. Though, why, I couldn't say.

Nothing about this girl had made sense, since the day I'd met her.

I smiled back at her, thinking about grabbing her hand, when what I really wanted to do was pull her against me and sink my face into the soft part of her neck just below her earlobe. Then I wanted to kiss her—properly; at least, without her turning freaking rigid.

My hands were, typically, beginning to shake, so I shoved them into the pockets of my jeans, noticing that she was shivering into her long sleeved t-shirt. Her jacket was still in the house soaking wet, I quickly reminded myself.

I still couldn't feel the cold—or rather register it with her so close—but for Bella it was the polar opposite. Taking my jacket off, I wrapped it around her shoulders, before carefully gathering her damp hair from beneath it. "Here, Bella. You need this more than me."

She gazed up at me, smiling gratefully, and eagerly slipped into it, hugging it to herself. "Th-thanks, Edward. I don't know if I'll ever get used to this c-cold."

Smiling lightly to myself, I shoved my hands back in my pockets. I didn't really trust them with Bella so close, after all, and I internally cringed when I thought of how close I'd come to grabbing her tits earlier. That would have made me the biggest asshole this side of the equator, but I couldn't fucking control myself around her.

We walked in silence for a moment, when with still no sign of her car, I turned to her. "Bella, why did you park so far away?"

Not that I minded, or anything.

She smiled to herself self-consciously, before glancing up at me to answer, "I w-wasn't aware that your driveway was so long."

"Well, you could have just driven right up to the house," I suggested, lightly.

Her smile turned wry, before she mumbled, "I . . . thought that'd be rude. I d-dunno. . ." She shrugged to herself.

In reply, I only smiled again, before removing my hand from my pocket; I was on the verge of reaching over and grabbing hers, when like the pussy I was, I second guessed myself and jammed it back into my jeans. It seemed easier earlier, when she was upset, but now I was back to doubting fucking everything.

While I tried to psych myself into growing some balls, she turned to me. "Edward, d-do you know where I can buy a good mobile? They don't r-really have a sh-shop here in Forks?"

I stopped walking and turned to fully face her. "Bella . . . are you still cold?" I asked, raising my eyebrows in emphasis and ignoring her question. Mainly because I had no freaking idea what she'd just asked me.

"N-no I'm ok-kay now," she stammered, before exhaling shortly through her nose as her cheeks burned then quickly paled again.

She _was _cold.

Breaking into a small, amused grin, I took her shivering hands in mine—glad I now had a reason to. "Jesus, Bella. You're hands are like ice. Come here." I sighed, before wrapping my arm around her shoulders, pulling her gently to my side. Her body continued to openly shudder against me—it was actually turning me on. I knew I was a horny bastard in general, but it was pretty fucked up that Bella having hypothermia was giving me a hard on.

I began rubbing my palm up and down her arm—if only to distract myself—when eventually her quivering calmed.

"Better?" I asked her, dropping my head to speak softly into her ear.

She nodded, tensing a little. "Yes . . . thank you."

Jesus, if she wasn't openly laughing at me, she was turning stiff as a board the moment I got close to her.

You throw a girl a pretty fucking clichéd compliment, she blushes, mumbles, and falls at your feet long enough to kiss her and grab her tits. I try that on Bella and she immediately gives me that skeptical eyebrow shit and scoffs at me, then I kiss her and she immediately turns to ice.

What the fuck was I supposed to do with that?

I continued to rub her arm as we walked, and it continued to be a good distraction from the fact that she made me feel so fucking insignificant. With her so close to me, my self-control was about to go over a cliff, and right then, with her cold little body pressing against mine, I was on the verge of doing something impulsive and perverted—and no doubt have her turn cynical on me and shove me away.

Tell a girl she's adorable and they usually turn to water. Tell Bella that and she immediately scoffs.

"How is it possible that you're not cold?" she asked me in disbelief, a moment later, breaking my thoughts as she tilted her head to look up at me with a knotted brow.

I smiled down at her, and answered lightly, "I have extra, _extra_ hot blood."

_Only when I'm around you_, I added beneath my breath.

"You must have," she said, shaking her head slightly just as her whole body trembled.

I squeezed my arm tighter around her, before she curved hers, almost apprehensively, around my waist. It was me who tensed this time; I was too conscious of the reaction I was having to her. I had to get a fucking grip on myself, but then she grabbed a fistful of my shirt in her palm and I felt her fingers graze over my bare skin.

I knew I needed to relax, but I knew the minute I did the fucking brick in my jeans would become obvious.

"What was it you asked me about a moment ago, Bella?" I asked in a stiff voice, roughly clearing my throat.

"Oh, yeah—I need a mobile so I can keep in touch with my . . . friends easier. Do you know where I can buy one?" she asked, without looking up at me, and I was sure I noticed a flicker of pain sweep across her face.

Deciding not to press her on it, I focused on the question she'd asked. Only I still had no freaking idea what she was talking about.

"Erm ... _what_ is it you need, Bella?" I asked her again, trying to remain tactful behind my confusion.

"A _mo-bile_," she answered slowly.

She expected me to know what she meant, but I honest to God had no idea. "Bella . . ." I began, trying to hide my amusement from her this time, "I'm not sure what a _mo-bile_ is."

She took a brash breath. "You've never heard of a mobile phone? What name do you guys call them?" There was a trace of impatience in her tone.

I broke into a grin this time, fighting the urge to laugh, when I was suddenly hit with recognition. "Do you mean a _cell phone_?"

She sighed again, sounding slightly exasperated. "Cell phone . . . of course," she mumbled to herself, before glancing up at me again. "Yeah, I need to get one—with the time difference and everything. . ." And again I noticed her expression fall for the briefest moment, reminding me again what she was struggling with.

I really wasn't prepared for the reaction I'd have by seeing Bella so upset. It had completely fucking thrown me.

Clearing my throat softly, I forced back this edginess and squeezed her arm. "There's a few good places to buy them in Port Angeles. I can take you there, i-if you like." In a perfect world I would have been able to speak that one sentence without sounding like such a pussy.

"Sure," she said simply, the tone of her voice brighter. She didn't look up at me, but I caught the small smile inch on her lips and her face warm with it.

A part of me wanted to sigh with relief that maybe she'd finally forgiven me over what I'd said to Jacob, but I knew with Bella, that no matter how confident I felt, she could cut me back down in an instant.

We walked on again in silence. Bella became lost in thought, becoming more and more distracted, as her expression began mirroring the obvious pain that was reflecting in her eyes. I squeezed her shoulder again, and she looked up at me.

"I wish I could tell you it's going to be all right, Bella," I said softly, and she nodded, releasing her breath deeply.

"I know," she replied, her voice little more than a whisper and wavering.

If she started crying again, I would fucking crack, and I quickly thought of something to say to distract her.

"Hey?" I tapped her shoulder lightly; she looked up at me again, her brows rising. "Do you remember your first day in Bio when your pen ran out of ink?" I asked her, smiling to myself as I recalled the memory.

She immediately grinned in return. "Yes, when you wouldn't loan me another pen even though you had at least two spare ones that I could see," she answered, wryly.

"Yeah. . ." I sort of half laughed, sheepishly, and she chuckled softly.

"I didn't think you noticed. Weren't you pretending I didn't exist?" she continued to tease me, leaning further in to nudge me in emphasis.

"I-I couldn't help _but_ notice—anyway, you stopped shaking the pen for a moment and kind of smiled to yourself."

She nodded in recollection, her eyes widening in surprise. "You remember that?"

"I remember that," I admitted simply. "What were you thinking about?"

She gazed up and quirked a suspicious eyebrow at me. "For someone pretending I was invisible, you were very perceptive."

Jesus, she was still absolutely owning me, and I wasn't entirely sure I liked it, but I had to get on fucking top of it somehow.

Leaning down to her, I deliberately murmured into her ear, "I was only pretending, Bella."

Her face flushed, and even in the dimness of the moonlight it was still visible. But I couldn't make anything of it, because just when I thought I'd cracked her, she'd close up further and completely fucking squash me in the process.

"You were pretty convincing," she mumbled, with a conceding smile edging on her lips, before she added, lightly and completely straight faced, "I was thinking about stabbing you with it."

"What . . . ?" I asked almost blankly, before breaking into laughter.

Biting down on her lower lip, she continued to smile, almost secretly, to herself. "Well, you wanted to know. . ."

"I guess I deserved it," I said, my chuckling dying down.

"Maybe just a little bit," she replied lightly, breaking my gaze again.

As we walked around the next bend, her jeep came into view. I sighed inwardly to myself; I would've gladly walked her all the way back to her uncle's house at the moment.

Releasing my arm from around her, she pulled her keys from her jeans pocket, before looking up at me with uncertainty creeping back into her eyes.

"I hope my uncle isn't too upset with me. I didn't let him or Jake know where I was going," she confessed.

"I-I called your uncle's place for you, Bella—when you were in Alice's room. I figured they might not know. . ." I admitted, feeling self-conscious all of a sudden.

Was that over stepping?

But if it was or not, she didn't let on. "Oh . . . Edward, thank you. Did . . ." she paused, her expression turning slightly pained, "you speak to Jacob?"

"Um, yeah . . . I did," I replied, all but scoffing to myself.

She wrinkled her nose. "Bad?"

"Nothing surprising. He told me if I tried anything he'd rearrange my face," I explained, attempting to muffle my laughter at what a dick the guy was.

Bella only groaned, before breaking into a small rueful looking smile, shaking her head.

"I might have to have a talk with Jacob about that whole crap in the past," I conceded, sighing with resignation; more or less to myself.

It was getting out of hand with Jacob, and I really did need to step up and end the shit between us.

Looking up at me, Bella broke into this huge, fucked up beautiful smile. Then very tentatively, she reached over, grabbed my hand, pulling me closer to her, before wrapping her arms gently around my neck.

Oh, fuck!

The minute her body was pressed against mine, my body heat sky rocketed, not to mention the fact that my fucking boner was suddenly straining further behind my jeans. But regardless, I wrapped my arms around her tightly, pressing her further to me before bending down to bury my head into her neck. And without entirely realizing what I was doing, I inhaled that sweet scent of her, grazing her skin with my lips and nose.

Was it creepy that I had tried out every one of Alice's body sprays to find the one that Bella wore? Yeah, I had this fucking pansy-ass idea of spraying it on my pillow.

I never did find it, though.

Curling her arms tighter around my neck, she exhaled deeply, her warm breath flooding me—feeling almost cool in comparison to how hot my skin was climbing. "Thanks for everything today, Edward," she whispered.

"My pleasure, Bella," I replied with a husky sounding voice—always too completely compromised by her.

She held on to me for several moments longer, sighing deeply a few times, as her breath against my burning skin ignited every fucking nerve ending in my body. I felt like a fucking live wire about to burst—and she wasn't tensing; she was completely fluid against me. I moved my head, my cheek running along and down hers as I searched for her lips. She looked up in response, and completely intercepting me, she pressed her lips to my neck. It wasn't exactly what I wanted, but still, it almost brought me freaking undone.

In the next moment, she pulled herself from me, and I released her reluctantly, with sluggish arms, her hand slipping through mine slowly as we pulled apart.

Stepping back, she almost stumbled. I immediately reached out, grabbing her shoulders, and as a result, I almost pulled her out of my jacket she was still wearing.

As I righted her again, she laughed lightly. "Do you want your jacket back?"

I shook my head. "Keep it and give it to me tomorrow."

"Sure?" She snuggled further into it, bringing the sleeve to her nose. "Won't you be cold?" Her gaze began to hedge with concern.

"I-I'm sure," I answered her, jarred. Did she just smell my jacket?

Flashing me another smile, she turned and jumped in the driver's seat of her car. Walking over, I closed the door behind her, returning her smile through the glass, before she wound the window down.

"See you tomorrow, Edward."

"See you later, alligator," I replied, immediately groaning under my breath and bowing my head—wanting to smack myself in the face. Instead, I ran my hand rigidly through my hair, not fucking believing what I'd just said.

Idiot!

When I looked back up, feeling my ears fucking flaming like the pussy I was, Bella was only surveying me, a small amused smile on her lips. "In a while, crocodile," she replied, her voice soft and teasing.

She'd reduced me to a sack of drool once again, and so needing to redeem my pansy ass goodbye, I winked at her. Of course, her response was to quirk that eyebrow at me and smirk to herself, before starting the engine and turning to exit down the driveway. I watched her car as it drove around a bend and out of sight, my skin burning beyond control with a huge fucking boner in my shorts, while being reminded that again she still completely owned my ass.

And I had no fucking clue what I was supposed to do with her.

**. . .**

As I walked through the front door, Alice was waiting for me; sitting half way up on the stairs. As our eyes met, she flashed me that all knowing grin of hers. "So . . . did you _crack_ _on_ to Bella then?"

I smirked back, feeling my eyebrows coming together in confusion as I processed her meaning. "Did I _what_ to Bella? Sell her crack?" I asked her succumbing to complete bewilderment.

Her laugh was whole-hearted. "It's what Bella says. Translation: did you make a move on her?"

I rolled my eyes, exhaling out an affectionate smile for the little rat. "Well, I didn't do that either."

I made my way up the stairs, and as I passed Alice, she stood up, and I slung my arm over her shoulders.

"So, all looks good, then?" I asked her referring to her tests that afternoon.

She nodded simply. "Carlisle said the scan was clear, and I'm pretty sure my bloods will come back normal. I feel fine—better than fine." She sounded confident.

Inwardly, I breathed a sigh of relief; though it quickly became audible. Every few months being on tenterhooks waiting to see if Alice was still in remission took its toll on everyone; especially me.

I didn't think I would ever be able to breathe easy, though.

"I hope you're not worrying about me, Edward," she scolded me teasingly.

"Why would I worry about a pain in the ass little rat like you?" I retorted.

She shoved me playfully, before her face fell serious. "Poor Bella. I knew there was something seriously wrong—can you believe her mother?"

"Mmm," I mumbled in thought. I got the impression that Bella had told me not even a fraction of what her life in Australia had been like. Just saying her mother didn't want her was too cryptic, after all.

Alice suddenly slapped my chest with the back of her hand. "Oh, and a word of warning, you might want to avoid Emmett."

Groaning loudly, I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment. "Tell him I'm out with Jazz."

Emmett would take a shit load of pleasure over catching me with Bella, and if I knew him well enough, he wouldn't let it go very easily.

"Well, that might be a bit hard, because Jazz will be here in a few minutes," Alice replied, in obvious amusement.

"Where is he?" I asked, distracted, and rubbing my forehead with my fingertips.

"In the kitchen with Rose," she answered, breaking out into a light chuckle. "Honestly, Edward, he only gives you shit because you let him."

"Probably. Anyway I'll be down for dinner."

**. . .**

I had a shower. I jerked off, but it did nothing to relieve the fucking tension. I was still on freaking edge, and starting to be consumed with regret that I didn't kiss Bella again. I'd had the perfect opportunity and she definitely didn't seem like she would have been adverse to the idea, but I was relieved in a way that I hadn't. I was glad to know that I had a scrap of self-control, and I doubted Bella needed me to unleash my lust on her; no matter how frustrated I was.

Sighing, I leaned my head on the shower screen, closing my eyes momentarily, unable to get the image of those brown eyes from my mind, or the fucked up way she smelled. . .

I was snapped back to the present moment by Emmett loudly banging on the bathroom door.

"Hey, _Bludge!_ Mom's home and we're eating now," he bellowed, and the asshole was clearly fucking smirking to himself.

I only groaned openly, contemplating skipping dinner. If it was any other night I probably would, but I couldn't. As a mini celebration for Alice's positive test results, Mom bought Chinese food—just as she did every time now. It had become a family tradition.

**. . .**

When I reached the dining room, I almost turned around and walked back out again. Jazz and Rose were staying for dinner, and judging from the fucking smirk on Emmett's face when he turned and met my gaze, he had plans for me.

"Hi, sweetheart," Mom said as she passed me, stopping to squeeze my waist affectionately. "You look like you're in a good mood."

I smiled awkwardly to myself, looking down only to hear wiseass Emmett snort.

"You're the last to arrive too, Edward," Carlisle said, hopping out of his chair to pull out Esme's for her.

"Edith's a bit tired from bludging the kangaroos." Emmett winked at me, as Alice snorted back her laughter, before trying to disguise it as a cough.

Fuck me sideways!

I only sighed stiffly to myself.

"Oh, Honey, can you get the chop sticks?" Mom asked after a moment, bringing out a loud exaggerated groan from Emmett.

"Jeez, I'll go. If bludge does, it'll take him four hours and we'll be eating with our hands."

"What on earth is a_ bludge_?" Mom asked with confusion.

"We still haven't worked it out," Alice replied, fighting the urge to keep a straight face, while asshole Jazz next to her snickered openly.

Mom turned to me with a puzzled, concerned expression. "Are you okay, Edward?"

"I'm fine," I replied, clearing my throat with aggravation.

Emmett came back a few moments later, chopsticks in hand. He passed them to everyone but when he came to me he deliberately passed me by.

Huffing, past fucking patience, I moved to snatch them out of his hand, but he pulled them back at the last minute. "Oh I'm sorry, Edwina. I didn't think you were eating. Didn't you have koala earlier on?"

"Just give me the freaking chopsticks!" I snapped.

"What's all this about koalas?" Mom asked me raising her eyebrows quizzically.

"It's nothing. Emmett's just being an idiot as usual," I answered with growing irritation.

"Okay, I hope you're going to keep it clean, Emmett. We're at the dinner table, remember?" Esme spoke sternly, her gaze remaining on Emmett for several seconds longer.

Emmett snorted, turning to me. "What do they call forth base down under, bludge?"

Exhaling a slow frustrated breath, I covered my forehead with one of my hands, wolfing down my food with the other. I was eager to finish before Alice filled in fucking Jazz.

**. . .**

When I was scaling the stairs to go back to my room, after, Emmett was in the process of saying goodbye to Rose, when she suddenly exclaimed in frustration, "I'm not from Australia—it's not a damn _bludge_!"

Fuck my life.

**. . .**

I was lying on my back with both my hands covering my face, contemplating _bludging_ in the fucking shower again, when Alice knocked on my door.

"What do you want, Alice?" I called to her, running my hands from my face through my hair, not too eager at having another girlie conversation with her.

She creaked the door open a few inches and peeked in. "Are you asleep, Edward—how did you know it was me?"

I only sat up and quirked a dubious eyebrow at her.

She flashed me a wry smile and stepped inside.

"By all means, Alice, come on in."

She sat on the corner of my bed, looking reflective for a moment. "I wanted to talk to you . . . about Bella."

I could sense some kind of lecture. I sighed again—it was all I seemed to be fucking doing lately. "What_ about _Bella?"

"Well, I wanted to ask you to . . . take it easy—"

"What?" I demanded, interjecting. "What the fuck does that mean? What do you think I'm going to do?"

"What I mean is, she's going through a bit, and I know you like her. I thought maybe you should give her a bit of space for a while and we could band together to cheer her up." She was attempting to be tactful; though, I suspected she knew she wasn't being very successful at it.

"Jesus, Alice!" I complained. "What do you think I am? Some kind of horny fucking dog that's going to hump her leg the moment I see her tomorrow?"

"I know what you're saying, Edward. . ." she paused and shrugged sheepishly. "It's just that Bella and I have become really good friends, and I guess I'm afraid you're going to do something to screw it up again."

"Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence," I muttered, dryly.

"Well, you know what I mean—anyway, Mom washed and dried her jacket. Just thought I'd let you know." She flashed me a quick smile, before getting up to leave.

"Yeah okay, just remind me in the morning," I replied in attempt to sound casual. Though nothing and no one would cause me to forget Bella's jacket in the morning, but I suspected Alice was well aware of how fucking pathetic I was when it came to Bella.

She raised her eyebrows at me skeptically, her smile again turning to a smirk. "Uh-huh."

I huffed, not really angry at the little rat. "Alice, how many times do I have to throw you out of my room?"

"At least once a week," she replied before skipping out of my room in laughter, easily dodging the pillow I threw at her.

**. . .**

I was the first one up the next morning, Alice—I assumed it was Alice—and probably anticipating me, had left Bella's jacket hanging over a stool at the kitchen bench. Picking it up, I almost subconsciously brought it to my face; inhaling the trace scent that was left of Bella, intermingled with the smell of detergent. Then tucking it under my arm, I headed out the back door without breakfast; eager to avoid more shit from Emmett.

I ended up driving around the block several times, not wanting to look too eager—but more concerned that I'd arrive at school with a fucking hard-on.

By the time I arrived, Bella was already at school, standing beside her truck chatting with Alice; my jacket under her arm. When I exited the car and made my way over to her, she glanced up, meeting my gaze and smiling, but almost awkwardly.

"Hey, Bella." My mutinous fucking voice hitched at just over a whisper.

"Hi, Edward," she replied, quietly, and I couldn't figure her out. Was she shy or did she still not trust me?

"Is there any news?" I asked, thinking maybe her thoughts were still preoccupied over it.

"Um . . . she's still hanging on," she said, softly clearing her throat and half shrugging, before her gaze dropped to the ground.

My eyes almost subconsciously met Alice's; she only smiled at me in understanding, but for me or Bella, I had no fucking idea.

"Here's your coat, Bella," I said breaking her thoughts, before she again looked up to me. I extended it to her.

"Thanks—for lending me yours," she stammered, handing me mine, simultaneously, and smiling at me genuinely this time.

I took it; it was warm from being in her arms. "You don't have to thank me, Bella. I had to do something last night—your lips were going blue," I teased her, lightly.

But her smile turned quickly self-conscious, before she bit down on her lower lip.

Okay, nothing was working with her.

With a small internal sigh, I took off my current jacket and put on the one Bella had just returned to me. It was soaked with the scent of her that made me almost sway as I discreetly inhaled it in.

It caught Alice's attention, and she arched an eyebrow derisively as the little rat fought off a sly smile.

"It—it's my favorite," I mumbled, turning away to open my trunk.

Tossing my discarded jacket inside, I turned back—when I was confident I didn't look as fucking awkward as Bella did.

"Is it?" Alice questioned, her eyebrow arching even further.

I threw her a subtle scowl, before huffing softly to myself and turning back to Bella; she was watching Alice and I with a small inquisitive smile inching on her lips, this time.

The bell signaled for the start of class, and collectively we all turned to head toward the main building. Alice, not very fucking tactfully, moved to the other side of Bella so that she was between us.

"So when do you want to buy your _mobile phone, _Bella?" I tried again, and this time she appeared more responsive to me.

Flashing me a mocking scowl, she answered, "Soon. I was thinking of installing Skype, but the internet connection back home is terrible. I don't know if it would work."

"Don't bother. It's so slow here too—it's painful," Alice piped up, rolling her eyes.

Bella looked up at me questioningly; I nodded my head in agreement, grinning at her, and without a word, she returned it.

"We can all go into Port Angeles tomorrow, Bella—so you can buy your phone," Alice suggested.

I groaned inwardly, and the little rat caught on immediately, retracting, "Oh—hang on, I think Jazz and I are going . . . somewhere. . ."

Did she have to sound so fucking _deliberately_ unconvincing? I wondered, half rolling my eyes.

"It's okay, Alice," Bella assured her, breaking into, what appeared to be, a small secretive smile.

Alice had to go to her locker before class, and without the little rat's presence, Bella appeared to lighten up around me. I was beginning to think her discomfort was because Alice was my sister, and too close—not to mention a fucking busy-body who stuck her nose into everything.

She chatted to me easily as I walked her to class—almost walking into her fucking homeroom with her.

"Are you joining us today, Mr. Cullen?" Mr. Fox asked me dryly.

"Uh—no," I stammered feeling like a giant fucking dickhead, before turning to Bella.

"Talk later, _alligator_," she teased me.

And just like that she was back to owning my ass.

* * *

**A/N: Later, gators...**


	12. Condoms and Cucumbers

**A/N: This chapter was hard because when it was written the entire plot of the story hadn't been worked out and I needed to go back to add more to it. Then it threw the entire chapter out, so I had to basically rewrite it. So, if you're not reading this for the first time, there's a few small changes that tie it all in better.**

**:)**

* * *

**Chapter 11**

**Condoms and Cucumbers**

**Edward's POV**

"So, what was with all the Australian jokes Emmett was doing last night?" Jazz asked me curiously during second period.

I shrugged. "I don't know—you know Emmett," I answered with feigned ignorance, hoping he'd let it go, but knowing better.

Jazz quirked an unconvinced eyebrow. "Yeah sure. He seems to be giving you a hard time lately. Is it because of Bella?"

I took a measured breath, attempting to keep it from reflecting my impatience. "I don't know what it's about."

"Alice said she walked in on you and Bella yesterday," Jazz said, suddenly smirking broadly.

_Freaking little rat!_

"I bet she did," I muttered. I didn't know what the fuck he found so amusing about the idea of me and Bella, but it was fast pissing me off.

"So ... you taking her to Rob's party, or what?"

I shrugged. "I guess, but she has a lot going on at the moment."

"Yeah," Jazz agreed, his voice lowering, "Alice told me."

I sighed, annoyed. "I don't think she wants the whole school knowing about it, Jazz."

"I'm not the whole freaking school!" he stated with irritation, attracting the attention of the teacher, who threw us a warning glare.

I jerked my shoulders, dismissing him. "Yeah, yeah. Okay."

"Dude, seriously, I wish you'd learn to relax. Hopefully Bella-down-under chills you," he said in a hushed tone, sounding like he was serious. I turned to face him raising my eyebrows, when he added, his grin freaking smutty, "otherwise I'd _seriously_ consider taking Stanley up on her offer."

I groaned, this time not bothering to conceal it. No chance in hell would I choose slut-bag Stanley over Bella. The idea of it made my freaking skin crawl.

"What are you doing wearing your jacket still anyway? I thought you were _never_ cold these days," the prick inquired, snickering.

I huffed again shortly. "Jesus, what are you, my mother?"

I cringed at the thought of Jazz knowing the reason why I was still wearing it. In fact, I was surprised big mouth Alice hadn't disclosed _everything _to him. I enjoyed the fucked up aroma of Bella on my jacket; it was almost worth the crap I'd get from him if he knew.

"I'll just ask Alice," Jazz replied smugly.

My heart skipped a beat. I had to get to the little ferret before he did.

**...**

Unfortunately, I didn't get the opportunity to speak to Alice alone. Bella was constantly with her and Alice seemed to be keeping a close vigil over her; though, Bella seemed fairly oblivious to it. She appeared almost like a different person to the one she'd become over the last week. She didn't look as tortured, though her eyes still seemed to be doing that endless shit—except when she looked at me. Then they were warm, but freaking skeptical, as if she was just waiting for me to say something lame-assed.

There was just no getting around her.

I was also starting to get seriously pissed at that annoying weasel, Mike Newton, who seemed to be stalking her every move. Bella was treating him politely, though she did look uncomfortable enough that I wanted to drag him away from her by his throat.

I sighed again, attempting to get a hold of myself. I had to admit that surrendering myself to the feelings I had for Bella had not made any of it any easier; I only felt more fucked up and edgy.

"Dude, Alice wants me to sit with her at lunch. That cool?" Jazz asked during English class.

I tried to hide the smirk, by coughing into my hand. "Yeah, that's cool."

I wondered if he knew Alice's motives behind it—not that Jazz would knock back an opportunity to be with his _Pixie Pie. _I wanted to puke, recalling the name I'd heard him once call her.

"So, you're favorite jacket, huh?"

I groaned inwardly; of course, the jackass would ask Alice, wouldn't he?

I decided the best response would be to continue feigning ignorance. "What the hell are you on about?"

"Alice said that's why you're wearing your jacket indoors, _cause it's your favorite_," he mocked me, snorting.

I let out my breath and had to stop myself from running my hand back through my hair, but at least Alice hadn't completely ratted me out. "Seriously, Jazz, are you bored?" I replied, keeping up with the charade, even though I was itching to punch the asshole in the face.

"Nope, but pay-back's a bitch, dude. Just remember that," he retorted with a wink.

Feeling my jaw clenching, I only ignored him. I wasn't sure why I was so uncomfortable with people knowing what I felt about Bella. Maybe it was because in my life up until this point she was the one and only girl that I'd actually had an interest in. Actually, it was so incredibly far and beyond just an interest, but I still hadn't worked it out to know what else to call it. Pitifully in love with her didn't seem to cut it.

Jazz kept up his snide comments, but by lunch I had managed to sway him off the subject by talking of our upcoming match against Sequim. It was a good thing, because I didn't know how to ask him not to give me shit in front of Bella without sounding like a total pussy. If I knew Jazz, it would only fuel him more anyway.

By the time I walked into the cafeteria at lunchtime, I almost had fucking heart failure. Everyone was at Alice's regular table, including Emmett, and whatever he was saying to Bella had her in stitches.

"Fuck my life," I muttered to myself, before I made my way over, reminding myself that Emmett was my brother and not even he would stoop to humiliating me—deliberately, that is.

"Well, well, if it isn't The Rescuers Down Under," asshole Emmett smirked once Jazz and I reached the table.

I took a slow, measured breath, internally counting to fucking ten, before I looked over to Bella and caught her gaze. She flashed me a warm kind of smile, and I smiled back awkwardly, feeling my ears catch fucking fire wondering if she was smiling out of pity—from whatever my dickhead brother had just told her.

I sat down beside her and my eyes met Alice's on the other side of her. With a slight shake of her head and a small reassuring smile Alice put my fears to rest. I sighed in relief beneath my breath knowing that if Emmett had said something to humiliate me I'd have to do something about it, and the idea of Bella seeing my brother beating the shit out of me in front of half the school's population, in the middle of the cafeteria, wasn't very appealing.

"What's wrong, Edward?" Bella asked, inclining her head toward me, sending my body heat suddenly sky rocketing. "You look a little … frazzled."

"Uh—nothing. I'm fine," I replied, flashing her a quick grin to validate it.

Her smile increased, brightening her entire face.

I bowed my head for a moment, needing to get myself under control before I had a fucking boner in the middle of the cafeteria. I had absolutely no control over a thing when I was around her. She just conquered everything in me.

"So, Edna, how's the bludging going?" Emmett asked, grinning at me slyly.

I rolled my eyes, while Bella only looked confused, her eyebrows knotting slightly.

Leaning toward me again, she asked in a soft voice, "Do you guys have a different meaning for it?"

I turned to look at her face; her expression was so full of insecurity that I immediately broke into a smile. I only shook my head, and when realization hit her, her face flooded for a moment, and as she fought with it, her expression hedged with frustration.

I looked down, smothering my laughter through my nose, before I grabbed her hand under the table squeezing it.

When I glanced over at her again, she was looking down at our hands, a small smile on her lips, while her face remained slightly tinged. I found myself gazing at her, smiling to myself and almost unable to pull my eyes from her. That is until asshole, Emmett, went and deliberately cleared his throat before turning his attention to Bella. "So … Bella? How are you liking Forks?"

She immediately looked up, almost startled. "Um, yeah, I like it, but I'm used to small towns, so . . ." she replied with a small shrug.

"Do you know how you know you're from Forks?" Emmett asked her.

Rose groaned openly and rolled her eyes, while Bella only shook her head slowly with a puzzled expression.

"You know you're from Forks, when you've been married three times and still have the same in-laws."

Shey broke into a grin, scoffing it softly, and my body reacted immediately to it. My freaking palms were going clammy, and so releasing Bella's hand, I folded my arms on top of the table.

"No, no, no..." Jazz said, shaking his head slowly, "you know you're from Forks, because your house still has the 'wide load' sign stuck on the back of it."

Bella laughed softly this time and was then joined by Alice, who piped up, "You're _definitely_ from Forks if your family tree has_ no _forks."

Even Rose was managing a smirk, while Bella grinned broadly, biting intermittently on her lip. It didn't occur to me that I was paying so much attention to her, until her eyes moved to me, and her brow quirked questioningly.

I smiled stiffly, quickly glancing away, feeling as fucking tense as she was the day before when I'd tried to kiss her.

The _Forks_ jokes continued

"You tell people your license plate is personalized because your dad made it in prison," Jazz added.

"Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does," Emmett added back.

"The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife," was Jasper's response.

Jazz and Emmett continued back and forth until we were all laughing. Bella was laughing so much that she propped her elbow on my shoulder and leaned against me.

I immediately got a fucking erection, and Emmett zeroed in on me, his expression devious, before he again turned to Bella. "Bella, you're from a small town, you must know a few good ones."

Her face colored a shade and she replied, almost awkwardly, "Umm ... no, not really."

I had the impression she wouldn't admit to it even if she knew hundreds.

"Bella knows Kiwi jokes," Alice piped up, making a frown momentarily darken Bella's face.

"Cool, tell us a couple of your Kiwi jokes, Bella," Emmett said with an encouraging grin.

Taking a short breath, she seemed resigned. "Okay ... you know you're from New Zealand ... when you go to _Kens _and you forget to _peck_ your _pissed aside_."

I almost laughed; I _almost _reached over and put my arms around her shoulders. It couldn't be possible that she was this fucking adorable, but everyone else at the table sat in awkward, bewildered silence.

"Huh?" Emmett said, before a jolt hit the table, from either Alice or Rose, which threatened to knock over his can of coke.

"It-it's about their ... accent," Bella mumbled self-consciously, gazing down at her clasped hands, before one came up to tug on her lower lip.

It was so fucked up what she did to me, and despite the fact that my palms were still clammy, I donged her knee playfully under the table.

"I got it, Bella," I teased her softly.

"You did not," she replied smiling at me gently, with some of her cynicism behind it, "but thanks."

I squeezed her knee this time, leaving it resting there for a moment. The fact that my hands were beginning to shake was the only reason why I withdrew it—only I didn't get a chance to, because Bella's hand caught mine, entwining our fingers together.

"Oh, Jazzy, I have to go to the library before fifth period—come with?" Alice suddenly exclaimed, completely freaking unconvincing.

"What for?" Jazz asked.

Alice rolled her eyes. "For fifth period," she repeated, getting up out of her chair and pulling Jazz up as she went.

"Yeah ..." Emmett suddenly drawled, "I've got to go to the library too."

Because the asshole really just couldn't help himself.

I dropped my forehead to my hand, rubbing at my brow and wanting to groan out loud.

Rose openly snorted. "Oh give me a break—you've never stepped a foot inside a library in your life," she stated dryly before getting out of her chair and pulling him roughly to his feet.

The look of impressed surprise on Emmett's face was almost freaking comical. "Whoa, baby, you are _so_ turning me on right now."

Bella watched them leave, a small dubious smile on her face before turning to me. "Wow—that was only really obvious." She laughed again, lightly, releasing our hands.

She was so light hearted about it—about me, and I wondered how she could be that way when I was on the verge of being a sack of horny fucking drool.

I tried to put a casual smile on my face, despite the fact that it was bothering the fuck out of me that I couldn't work her out, when a loudspeaker announcement interrupted my reply.

"**Isabella Swan, please report to the office."**

She immediately froze, her face going ten shades paler. Her eyes met mine; they were drowning in fear, and seemed to be silently pleading with me.

"Do you want me to come with you, Bella?" I asked her gently.

She only nodded quickly, but didn't move.

I took her hand again, squeezing it with encouragement; she took several deep breaths, before getting to her feet.

We were immediately confronted by Jacob and his girlfriend, but Jacob didn't appear to see me, his focus was on Bella and his expression was flooded with concern; it became suddenly real to me how much he loved her.

"Bells, we'll come with you," he insisted, as his girlfriend wrapped her arm around Bella's waist, pulling her closer to her, and breaking Bella's hand from mine.

Bella nodded, sucking in her breath one more time as if psyching herself up. "Okay…"

Jacob wrapped his arm around her shoulders and they walked her towards the exit of the cafeteria, when she suddenly turned back to me, motioning with me to follow, her eyes almost desperate.

I trailed behind them, and waited outside while they entered the office with Bella. I told myself that it was better she had her family with her—even if her family was that great ape, Jacob Swan. It pissed me off, and as I waited, clenching my hands into fists, I wasn't really sure why, and not being able to comprehend any of it only made me feel more fucking edgy.

They were only gone a couple of minutes when they reemerged. Jake still had his arm draped around Bella, but it was more casual, and Bella was completely relaxed—and smiling.

I blew out my breath in relief, when her eyes met mine. Her smile broadened and she nodded slightly, silently telling me it was ok. I broke into an immediate grin, feeling my shoulders relax.

Jake and Ness hugged her simultaneously before releasing her and heading—back to the cafeteria, I gathered, but I couldn't really focus on them because in the next instant Bella threw herself into my arms.

She was trembling, and her breathing was erratic, and for a moment I second guessed what was happening. But then she spoke, barely a whisper and engulfed in emotion, "Oh my God, Edward…"

Her breath gushed from her, washing over me, before tightening her arms around me, she pressed her lips to the side of my neck.

Of course this only made me more fucking horny, and then she released herself from my arms, exposing my semi-erection.

_Fuck!_

But Bella was too inundated to notice. With tears in her eyes, and her hands shaking violently, she explained to me what had happened—all in rush, "They-she has brain activity! They're doing more tests, but they're not going to switch off her life support!"

My smile widened. "That's fantastic, Bella."

She released her breath in one long gush again, bringing her hand up to grasp at her heart. "I am so relieved—oh my God!"

I could only continue to smile at her. This was a new person I was seeing. She was lit up from the inside out, her eyes had come alive, and she was smiling so brightly she was almost unrecognizable.

"Bloody hell. I need to sit down—feel my heart." She grabbed my hand and pressed it over the left side of her chest—against her breast—closing her hand over mine. Her heart was hammering away inside of her, but it only gave me more of a hard-on with the knowledge that I was feeling it through her tits.

I cleared my throat, pulling myself back from the brink, before, removing my hand, I folded her against me—using her as a shield from my fucking boner. "Come on. We'll sit down for a minute."

I was leading her outside when the bell for fifth period signaled.

She stopped, and looked up at me. Her eyes were bright; they looked a little manic. "I'm ok. Let's go to Bio."

"Sure?" I asked, my eyebrows raising.

"Positive," she replied, her smile turning warm. She grabbed my hand, and pulled me down the hall toward Biology, not noticing how stiffly I was walking.

"Hey..." I coaxed her to slow down, pulling on her arm, for her to face me.

She looked back over to me. "Yeah?"

"D-did you want to go to Port Angeles tomorrow—to get your phone?" I asked her, stuttering and wishing I could beat my head against the wall for continuing to sound like a complete pussy.

"Sure," she replied, her smile turning generous.

"About ... nine in the morning?" I added, still sounding so pathetically unsure of myself.

"Yeah, that's fine. D-do you know where I live?" she asked, and this time it was her that looked uncertain.

"Um … yeah, I know where you live," I answered her, breaking into a small smile.

She flashed me that cynical grin again, before it warmed, and she turned back away from me, dragging my pansy ass the rest of the way to Bio.

**...**

When Bella and I entered the classroom there were cucumbers on every table, while Mr. Banner was going down the aisles putting piles of condoms on the outer desks.

She quirked me a puzzled look before we headed to our table

"Edward and Bella, since you're the only two of the opposite sex that sit together, you're fine," Mr. Banner said as he placed several condoms in front of Bella's side of the table before continuing on.

Bella leaned toward me. "What did he just say?" she asked me in a hushed voice that was full of bewilderment.

I wanted to laugh. "I think everyone has to be in boy-girl pairs."

She nodded with realization shining in her eyes. "Oh, I see, since we're doing the reproductive system this is some kind of sex-ed thing," she replied more or less to herself. She was continuing to smile to herself and I had no way of knowing whether any part of it was directed at me.

"I think so," I said, stealing a glance at her, and tugging on the collar of my shirt. I was starting to get seriously overheated.

"We did this on bananas back home, only I kept perforating mine," she admitted rolling her eyes to herself.

I laughed. "Serious?"

She nodded, breaking into soft chuckling.

I was about to reply when Mr. Banner suddenly called the class to order. He began reading out names of each boy and girl that would be doing the experiment together.

"Edward and Isabella..." he read aloud with a quick glance in our direction.

Okay, one thing I was starting to learn about Bella was that when she was happy, she was a lot more _hands on_, because as soon as the teacher read out our names, she leaned into me, nudging me, before playfully squeezing my side.

If I made it through the lesson it'd be a freaking miracle.

"...and Mike and Jason. Sorry, boys, but you're the only two left. I'll leave it up to you two to decide which one of you is the girl," Mr. Banner said with an amused grin.

I snorted, and Bella turned to face me, flashing me a mockingly reproachful look, before she gently nudged me again.

The fucking classroom started spinning.

The room went a bit chaotic for a few minutes as the class begrudgingly went to sit with their new partners. Bella and I, not to mention the girl-girl group of Mike and Jason, the only ones not to have to move.

"Okay, now everyone get to it," Mr. Banner called out.

Bella, sighing in a carefree way, picked up a condom between her thumb and forefinger with a quirked eyebrow before turning to me.

"So, how are we doing this?" she asked, and immediately her face flushed.

I chuckled lightly. "I'll be the cucumber holder," I replied, picking it up and holding it vertical.

"I think it's meant to be in this direction," she said in a murmur as she reached over, put her hand over mine, and moved the cucumber horizontally.

_Oh Jesus..._

Who the fuck was this girl? One moment she was awkward, and freezing up around me, and the next she was completely fucking flirting with me. The worst part was I had no idea if she was genuinely coming around to me, or if she was fucking with me.

She glanced at me and did that smirk again. "Ready?"

"Ready," I repeated in a semi-stiff voice.

"Okay, but a word of warning, I really suck at this."

I grinned. "I'm sure you'll do all right."

Flashing me one last shrewd smile, where I had no fucking way of knowing whether she was flirting with me or not, she took a deep breath, awkwardly tore open the condom and prized it out of its wrapping. She then attempted to slide it over the cucumber, but had no luck. After three failed attempts—where the condom kept popping back off—she huffed in obvious frustration. "There's no hope for me," she mumbled, shrugging her shoulders and laughing softly to herself.

"Erm ... Bella, I think you have it inside out," I said gently, muffling my laughter through my nose.

"How can you tell?" she asked, puzzled.

"I think it's the reason why you can't roll it down."

Her face knotted dubiously. "Okay, I think this one's dead." She picked up a new condom and tore it open.

I became completely distracted by the total look of concentration on her face. She could not manage to get the condom over the cucumber no matter how much she tried, and the look of disappointment she had was so comical, it was all I could do not to openly laugh.

"Why can I not do this?" she exclaimed, before she glanced up at me and narrowed her eyebrows. "Stop looking at me like that, Edward."

Jesus she couldn't stop smiling, and now I suspected the little vixen _was_ flirting with me.

So fuck it, if we were back to that... "Looking at you like what, Bella?"

"Okay, let's swap," she said tossing the second opened condom aside and taking the cucumber from me.

"Okay," I agreed. I picked up a condom, ripped it open and carefully slid it over and down the cucumber.

Bella looked at me almost affronted. "How...?" she asked letting her voice trail off, before scoffing and breaking into a begrudging grin.

I chuckled softly. "You give it another go."

She eyed me skeptically for a moment, before sighing. "All right, but I think it's pointless." She handed the cucumber back to me, her fingers brushing lightly against mine as she did so.

I was sure she did it deliberately.

Tucking her wavy locks behind her ears, she picked up another condom and tore it open. This time, after great perseverance, she managed to get the condom over the cucumber, only to have it split up the side. She sighed again in obvious defeat, and I all but burst into laughter.

"What am I doing wrong?" she exclaimed, looking genuinely disappointed, before half muttering beneath her breath, "I'm going to be a danger to the male population."

"I think you're putting it on too tight, Bella," I replied, focusing on how funny she was and not what she'd just implied.

"Have you done this type of thing before, Edward?" she asked me innocently, preoccupied, only to pause and bite on her lip, looking insecure.

"Well … I did date a banana once, but it didn't work out well," I answered, in a pitiful attempt at being charming.

Jesus, I was such a dickhead!

She looked over at me and her eyebrows bunched before her lips began to twitch in amusement. "Really...?"

I opened my mouth to reply when I suddenly realized the error in what I'd just said.

"And … how does that work? A guy and a … banana?" Bella asked her smile turning wide and toothy.

"Uh..." I stammered, as a flood of heat rushed up my neck.

She started laughing, only half trying to smother it with her hand. "How can you tell if a banana is a girl, Edward?"

Completely owning my ass—again. All I could do was grin to myself like the idiot I was.

"How did it end? Did she split?" She was laughing openly at me now.

"Okay, okay," I replied wryly, rubbing the back of my neck, feeling like a complete idiot.

"Did you ever trip on her skin?" she looked up at me then, her smile turning full teasing.

I returned her smile, wryly. "I guess I left myself open to that."

"You kinda did," she agreed, her tone turning soft before she nudged me again, playfully.

She freaking _was_ flirting with me.

This time, without a second thought, I slung my arm over her shoulders, pulled her toward me and kissed the side of her head lightly. She tensed slightly in my arms, and I immediately let her go. When I turned to her, she was already staring at me. Her expression was almost surprised, while her cheeks were starting to burn. I was on the verge of blurting out a hurried apology when her entire face warmed into a smile, without any of that cynicism of hers accompanying it.

I cleared my throat self-consciously. "Okay, Bella I said something stupid, give a guy a break already," I said attempting to push this awkward crap away.

At that moment Mr. Banner called the class to attention.

I shoved my hands into my Jean pockets, and stole a glance in Bella's direction. She was staring ahead of her, doing that lip tugging thing, still smiling to herself. Was it about me, or Kel? I couldn't read her.

Mike was given the duty of carrying the bin up the aisle so everyone could dispose of the cucumbers and opened condoms. He glared at me as he held out the bin. I threw him a smug grin before he moved to the next table, scowling to himself.

"Edward," Bella scolded me teasingly. Her tone low so weasel Newton couldn't hear.

I only chuckled.

I ignored Mr. Banner's monotonous sounding voice as he discussed the importance of safe sex and watched Bella out of my peripheral vision.

Had I over stepped again? She was so damn manic over the news she'd gotten that I didn't know what the boundaries were. She seemed to like kissing my neck, but when I kissed her she always tensed. Never before had I ever felt so uncertain of myself, like I did with Bella. She was the only girl in this school who ever looked at me without batting her eyelashes—in fact, more times than not she looked at me like I was some kind of sleaze. I had absolutely no idea how to fully engage her.

She tucked her hair behind her ear and I caught sight of the small smile that was edging on her lips.

I sighed deeply under my breath, knowing I was flying completely blind.

Fuck it, I had already acted like a pansy ass more times than I could count today, so pulling over my notepad, I wrote on it:

**You're adorable**, before slipping it quickly in front of her.

Her eyes glanced at it before her smile discreetly widened. She wrote something in return, her breath scoffing knowingly as she did, before passing it back to me.

**You're such a sap, Edward. OTT for bio though.**

It took me a moment to decipher her meaning before I almost chuckled. I would have loved to have proven how _over the top_ I was capable of at that moment, but the bell for final period rang.

She released her breath lightly, grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder. I did the same and walked with her out of the classroom.

She stopped once we were out of the building and turned to me. "So, when's you're next game, Edward?" She was shrinking into her jacket to escape the rain; I stood beside her still only wearing my t-shirt.

"Next Friday," I answered.

She nodded, looking up to meet my gaze; she was still grinning impulsively to herself. "Well, righto. While, crocodile."

Even in the state of freaking bliss she was in, she still managed to own me.

I dropped my head a moment, exhaling the complete bewilderment I was feeling, before meeting her eyes and flashing her a conceding grin. "Sure."

She nudged me again, laughing softly to herself, her eyes glistening as she gazed at me. "Sorry, Edward, I'm kinda hyper. I'm just so relieved."

I nodded. "I know you are. I'm happy for you, Bella."

As her eyes held onto mine, her expression softened, before she turned and walked through the doors of the gym.

As I walked to Spanish my mind was so completely monopolized by thoughts of her that at first it didn't register with me when I heard her name being spoken by someone else. It took me a moment to fully realize what was happening, and my anger had already boiled to the surface before I was able to fully comprehend exactly what was being said.

Mike-the-weasel-Newton was walking about six feet ahead of me talking about Bella and him in the same context as though he had the right to. And if that wasn't enough to piss me off, he began taking it a step further.

"You're taking Bella Swan to Rob's party?" Jason Michaels asked him skeptically.

I felt my limbs stiffen involuntarily, my hands clenching into fists. I hurried my step to walk closer to them so I'd be in striking range to slam Newton's head into the brick wall of the Gym, where the prick was heading.

"Yeah, I told you, we went out last night. I took her to see that vampire chick movie," Weasel Newton said altogether too fucking smugly.

"You took Bella out last night?" Jason asked continuing to sound unconvinced.

Of course he was unconvinced; it was total bullshit that Bella would go out with that pissant. The weasel had exactly ten seconds to stop what he was saying before I made him stop.

I was on the verge of doing something to permanently maim the prick, when the next thing out of his mouth completely jarred me.

"I told you I did, didn't I? Why would I lie? She was late too; she was at Cullen's house gossiping so we had to catch a later session."

I stopped walking mid stride, my anger suddenly giving way to something that was totally foreign to me; something that almost fucking crippled me.

"Yeah well, speaking of Cullen, I thought she was with Edward," was Jason's reply.

Newton shrugged, he turned his head to face him and I caught a glimpse of the cocky smile that was plastered all over his face. My anger surged; it was all I could do not to rip it off.

"Don't think so. I think she's just being friendly to him 'cause he's Alice's brother. Well, that's what she said, anyway."

I was jarred again, this time to the point of almost buckling over as though the jackass had punched me in the stomach. I stopped to gain control of myself; I could feel myself coming apart by the sheer velocity of my anger. I didn't believe a word of it, and when I got to the bottom of it I would find Newton and fucking settle it.

It took almost all my self-control to not break Newton's neck, turn away and walk in the opposite direction, but as I took a step away from him, he added something else.

"Yeah, we ran into Angela and Ben; didn't know they were hooked up..."

I continued to Spanish clinging desperately to my anger, taking slow deliberate steps trying to calm the furious thud of my heart. I was beginning to feel completely fucking vulnerable, and it pissed me off.

I knew Ben well enough that if he had seen Bella out with weasel Newton, he'd tell me if I asked.

And ask I would. God help Newton if he was bullshitting, because at this point, he was making Jacob Swan look like my best fucking buddy!

Ben was in my Spanish class, he was a quiet reserved type of person, who'd played on the baseball team until he dislocated his shoulder the year before. As for him and Angela it was practically written across his forehead, and as far as everyone knew he'd been into her since middle school.

I caught up with him just outside of Spanish.

"Hey, Ben," I greeted him, trying to push all the shit behind me and stay casual.

"Hey, Edward, how's it going?" he replied with a friendly grin.

"Not bad," I shrugged and paused before adding. "I heard you've seen that new movie—what's the name of it?"

He named the movie as a question, his brow furrowing slightly.

I nodded. "That's it. I was thinking of seeing it. Will it make me puke?"

He smirked. "Probably, but the girls seem to like it. Who you taking?"

Immediately I felt like I was wronging Bella somehow. I should have been asking her about it, but how could I do that without sounding like an infantile, jealous prick?

"I kind of owe Alice and Bella a favor and promised I'd take them—don't ask," I replied making a show of rolling my eyes.

Recognition shone immediately in his eyes. "I think Bella's seen it all ready, she was at the movies last night with Newton. I'm pretty sure they were seeing it."

I felt like I'd been gutted, the blood draining slowly from my face, only to flash immediately back with anger. Ben looked taken aback, but I was past acting rational now.

"Thanks," I muttered walking past him and into the classroom, resisting the urge to punch a hole in the door.

I slammed myself down in my seat so violently that I felt the chair buckle for a moment under me.

"Dude, you all right?" Jazz asked, looking at me like I'd finally lost the plot.

I had.

I turned to him with a glare. "I'm fine!" I said lowly, the anger in my voice making it waver.

Newton wasn't bullshitting, but it didn't stop me from wanting to beat the shit out of him, and wipe that smug grin from his face for good. I only took a breath, exhaling it sharply; the idea of that pissant telling everyone I beat his ass because I was jealous over him and Bella made me cringe. I wouldn't boost the asshole's ego for him, but I would make him pay for it, I silently vowed, fucking seething with anger.

I took another pissed off breath and dragged both my hands through my hair. The words he'd spoken continued to echo in my mind, while my hands balled tightly into fists on top of the desk.

_Bella was only friends with me. She was only friends with me because I was Alice's brother?_ If it was true, I shouldn't have been surprised by it, but then, I couldn't blame weasel Newton. I'd screwed it up, and I only had myself to blame. Bella owed me nothing.

But it made sense; every time I'd attempted something more with her the day before she'd clamped up. She'd been friendly with me—it was all me who was too fucking stupid to read her signals.

I rubbed my forehead in angry frustration. Still, if she only felt friendship for me, then why hadn't she told me so? Surely, she knew how I felt. Was she simply hell bent on paying me back over the whole thing with Jacob? Was she deliberately torturing me? I didn't want to believe it, but what the hell was I supposed to believe? Why else would she go out on a date with that weasel, Newton?

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Jazz watching me, a bewildered expression on his face. I ignored him; I was past giving a shit.

"Did something happen with Jake?" he asked me quietly.

"Jazz, would you just shut the fuck up!" I snapped back in reply.

"Fine! Have it your way, douche-bag," he muttered, turning back to the teacher.

My thoughts went back to the previous night with Bella. I went over every little detail trying to see where I'd got it all wrong, but it was obvious now. She had never given me any intention she wanted anything more with me than friendship. Every time I complimented her she called me sappy, she rolled her eyes at me; scoffed; and fucking turned to ice when I kissed her. She had come to my house a complete mess, she needed a friend and Alice wasn't home. _I'd _tried to kiss her, not the other way around; it was completely my fault.

Still, it didn't seem fucking right that she went from a complete mess to casually going to the movies with that asshole—and who the fuck kisses their _friends_ on the neck?

Like the complete dickhead I was, I'd offered to take her to Port Angeles so she could buy a cell phone, when all along she'd rather go with Newton! If it was all just a part of our _friendship _then she could go with weasel Newton. I didn't want any part of it—of her! I was a fucking dumb ass. Worse than that, I was a fool who had just had my heart shattered.

I was so seriously fucking pissed off, but that crippling emotion I was fighting to keep at a distance was suddenly beginning to choke me.

I held on fast to my anger.

I was the first one out the door at the end of the class. I wanted to get out of the school without running into Bella again, but of course, it was never going to be that easy.

As I was passing the gym she came out with weasel in tow. My anger turned blinding, my hands rigid fists at my sides. It took all of my self-control and more, not to walk up to Newton and break his fucking neck.

As I contemplated this, my eyes drifted inadvertently over to Bella and our eyes met before I could look away; my heart thudded. Immediately her face lit up into a broad smile before it fell just as quickly, her forehead creasing with concern. I turned away sharply and hurried my step to the parking lot.

"Edward!" I heard her call after me, her tone sounding hurt and bewildered, but I kept walking without a pause.

By the time I got to the parking lot, Bella had caught up to me, grabbing my arm to force me to stop walking as she paused to catch her breath. As soon as her hand touched my skin my temperature spiked and my anger surged even higher.

"What do you want, Bella?" I demanded in a cold voice.

She opened her mouth to reply but faltered, her expression going blank in confusion.

I felt an immediate twinge of regret, but pushed it away with a jerk of my shoulder.

"A-are you okay, Edward?" she asked me softly, her large brown eyes searching my face intently as her brow knotted further.

"I'm fine, Bella, but I have to get home," I replied without emotion.

"Edward ... what's wrong?" she asked, her tone suddenly laced with uncertainty.

I huffed out the air in my lungs and ran my hand through my hair in frustration. "Nothing!" I snapped.

She flinched, surprised, her eyes widening, before they began to darken with anger.

I was past caring.

I turned my gaze from her and unlocked my car. My hands were shaking; it frustrated the fuck out of me. She wanted to be _buddies_ and my hands were fucking shaking in her presence!

"Well … I'll see you tomorrow then?" she asked quietly, her tone now thick with insecurity.

What the hell was her game?

I whipped my head back to her. "I'll tell you what, Bella, since you're so cozy with _Newton_, how about you get _him_ to take you to Port Angeles!?"

She stared back at me with an injured look on her face, before her eyes immediately narrowed. "What the hell is the matter with you!?" she demanded, angry—self fucking righteous, before, with a pissed off sounding huff, she turned and walked away.

She didn't deny it.

That emotion I'd successfully managed to hold back by the barest minimum suddenly broke free with such a force that I felt like I'd been smashed in the chest. I opened the door to my Volvo and got in, slamming the door shut behind me.

Before I allowed it to overwhelm me, my anger returned. I preferred it; at that point I was welcoming it. I started the engine and pulled out of the school, my tires screeching as I went.

I glanced in the rear view mirror; Bella was beside her car her shoulders drawn and dejected as Jacob stood beside her, his arm wrapped protectively around her. His eyes followed my car, narrow and dark. I glared back, locking my eyes with his in defiance, before I drove out of view.

The image of Bella's injured expression flashed in my mind, but I shoved it back, allowing it to be consumed by my anger.

I pulled my cell phone from my bag with my free arm, clicked through my contacts, found Jessica Stanley, and hit 'call'.

* * *

***HEAD DESK* **

**Edward is ... Edward.**

**Thanks for reading.**


	13. All Night Long

**A/N: Get the 411 from Alice's perspective, amongst the randy little goings on with her and Jazzy pants.**

* * *

**Chapter 12**

**All Night Long**

**Alice's POV**

The moment I left the gym I was in Jazzy's arms.

"Come here, my Alley-cat," he drawled affectionately, kissing me tenderly but briefly on the lips before pressing his face into my neck.

I grinned to myself and rolled my eyes. "Jazz, please!" I exclaimed, but it was only in half earnest.

He pulled away and threw me a teasing pout.

My grin broadened. "We have all night, remember? Everyone's out—well except Edward, but we can always chain him to the basement."

Jazz groaned loudly and exaggeratedly. "Tell me we don't have to spend the night with douche-bag, multiple-personality-disorder _Edward_!"

"Don't worry, my plan is to get him to Bella's," I said smiling secretively to myself before grabbing Jazz's hand, bringing it to my lips and kissing his knuckles.

"Huh? Him and Jacob in the same house—oh god, please yes!" He laughed openly.

I threw him a funny look then grinned at him teasingly. "Did you and my brother have a fight, honey?"

He put his arm around my shoulders, dragging my face to his, kissing me quickly, before he addressed my question with a shrug, "Nope, but I seriously think he needs shock therapy. Should have seen how psycho he was in Spanish today."

I abruptly stopped walking and turned to him, suddenly suspicious. "Why … what was he doing?" I asked slowly, feeling a slight ripple of panic travel through my body. Why I continued to allow Edward to, in a sense, dictate my happiness with his actions, I would never know, but I did.

"Acting like a freak—nothing out of the ordinary," he replied with that gorgeous, playful grin.

I only groaned to myself softly. I had suspected something was wrong with him—enough for me to sense it in the middle of volleyball, anyway. But since Edward was all over the place these days, I tried to rationalize it away and concentrate on my gorgeous hunk of a guy in front of me.

"It's cool, Alley, don't worry about him," Jazz whispered in my ear before nuzzling it.

I sighed deeply and allowed him to pull me forward again. Still, that nagging feeling didn't go away, and as soon as we reached the parking lot, I quickly understood why.

Bella was standing beside her car with her face buried in Jacob's chest. She was clearly upset, and unsurprisingly, Edward was nowhere to be seen. I scanned the parking lot quickly for his car, but it was gone.

"What has he done now?" I sighed to myself angrily, pulling from Jazz's arms and heading over to Bella; ignoring his exaggerated groan.

As soon as I approached, Jacob turned to me and flashed me a warning glare. I glared back, daring him to stop me, before I completely ignored him and turned my attention to Bella. She was crying, though she was making an obvious effort to hide the fact that she was. I sighed to myself feeling like a rat; a rat by association—_again_!

Of course it had something to do with Edward, and if I wasn't already aware of that fact, Jake rather angrily brought it to my attention.

"You tell that piece of shit, coward of a brother of yours, _Cullen, _that when I see him I'm going to break his legs!" he fumed, turning back to Bella.

She placed her hand gently on his chest, pushing herself off him. "It's okay, Jake," she insisted, wiping her eyes quickly with the back of her hand.

She didn't look okay, but it was typical of Bella, always trying to downplay what she was feeling. I smiled at her; she turned her gaze downward, still trying to hide her obvious emotions.

I was beginning to hope Jake really would beat the crap out of Edward; he deserved a good ass kicking!

"How is it okay, Bells? The last thing you need is his bullshit—I'm gonna kill him!" Jake huffed, his anger making his voice rise and carry across the lot, making him appear more intimidating than his size already suggested.

"This time you'll have to get in line, Jake," I added lowly, before turning to Bella, who was attempting to smile at me through her obvious distress; making the overall effect look rather pitiful.

"What happened, Bella?" I asked her gently.

She shook her head, seeming genuinely confused. "I don't know. I think he thinks I have something going on with _Mike Newton_!" she exclaimed her voice rising higher, rivaling Jakes, and making it obvious that, along with confusion, she was pissed off.

"Tell him if he wants to take his shit out on someone, to come and find _me_ next time!" Jake added shaking his head to himself while staring fixedly at me as though it was acceptable for me to take the brunt of his anger—considering I was a blood relative of Edward.

I rubbed my forehead frustrated and slightly unnerved by the hulking form of Jake towering over me.

"I'm sorry, Bella..." I allowed my voice to trail off. I was too ashamed to say what I really wanted, because I was the one who had encouraged both Bella and Edward towards building a relationship together. And now, the end result of that endeavor was standing before me, stubbornly shrugging off the obvious fact that my brother had hurt her.

Again!

I was suddenly so pissed, and I was sick and tired of continuously apologizing for Edward's behavior!

Bella nodded, any remnant of tears had vanished and her deep expressive eyes were suddenly blazing. "I'm so over this, Alice! I don't ever want to speak to him again!" she exclaimed. She was angrier than she was hurt, but hurt she still was.

I nodded in understanding, half sighing, half huffing with both anger and guilt.

"Anyway, I'll speak to you later, Al. I just want to go home at the moment," she added almost apologetically when I didn't reply, her tone warming as she addressed me.

I nodded again, before I rather impulsively hugged her. "Take care, Bella—and again, I'm so happy about Kel. I'll call you tonight, okay?"

She broke into a sheepish smile and nodded. "Bye, Alice," she replied, her voice suddenly falling in sync with her eyes; in fact, the pain was rather blatantly ingrained into her expression whether she was aware of it or not.

I felt a surge of hot anger boil through me, but quickly pushed it aside. It could wait—Edward could wait.

_He's not going anywhere and heaven help him when I get home_, I vowed silently to myself before turning to Jazz, who was leaning against his car, his hands stuffed in his pockets to protect himself from the cold. He smiled at me brightly then winked. I felt the edges of my mouth twitch before I completely broke into a warm, affectionate smile. However, it soon faded from my lips, my mood growing frosty as my thoughts returned to my idiot brother.

I pulled my cell out of my bag and called Edward; it went immediately to his voice mail.

"Coward," I muttered to myself, before yelling down into the phone as soon as his message beeped, "It's too bad stupidity isn't painful, _Edward_!"

Jazz was chuckling to himself as he opened the passenger door for me—kissing the nape of my neck quickly as I climbed in. I smiled, allowing a fuzzy feeling to filter through me, but again my mood immediately dipped back to irritation as soon as his soft lips left my skin.

"So...?" Jazz asked me after he climbed into the driver's seat, arching his eyebrow dubiously while trying to hold back the all-out grin. He found Edward's behavior more amusing than I could fully understand, these days.

"I have no idea, except my brother is a moron!" I retorted, darkly.

"Fair enough," he replied turning away from me, his smile not faltering.

"What do you know? You might as well tell me now?" I sighed, suddenly feeling weary.

He turned back to me. "Honestly? Nothing. He came into Spanish looking seriously pissed. I asked him what was wrong and he told me to fuck myself," he answered. His expression began serious, but soon he was exhaling out his obvious amusement.

I shook my head and covered my face with my hands.

"I don't want to know. I don't want to know. _I don't want to know!_" I chanted to myself in an attempt to convince myself otherwise. Unfortunately where Edward was concerned, I was kidding myself. I sighed; it ended as a full-fledged aggravated groan.

Jazz's grin broadened, before, breaking into a light chuckle, he started the engine and pulled out of the school.

"I don't know why you're getting so much amusement out of all this. You really should empathize with me; you have a sister too, after all," I said to him wryly, before throwing him a dubious look by his reaction. He was on the verge of all out laughter.

He shook his head to himself. "If I know one thing, it's that Rose would chop my balls off and wear them as earrings if I dared to interfere in her life."

"I'm not _interfering_!" I exclaimed immediately indignant. "I was trying to help the idiot out. Edward's decisions have been made all on his own!"

Jazz tried to grab my hand, but I shoved it away.

"Alley, I didn't mean it that way," he stressed remorsefully. "Sorry," he added pathetically, turning his blue puppy dog eyes on me as he stopped at a red light.

I tried to remain indignant but my mouth slowly curved upwards in betrayal. I exhaled deeply. "Okay," I mumbled.

Jazz reached out, placing his large palm behind the back of my neck and pulled me gently toward him, kissing me deeply. His lips traveled the course of my face warming it up instantly and sending my body into mild tremors as he went. I released the air from my lungs slowly and almost lost myself in the moment—but for the angry sounding car horn that was blasting behind us.

"Jazzy ... green ... light," I managed to utter after his lips once again found mine.

He chuckled and continued to kiss me, murmuring, "It's Mr. Fox. Let's make him wait a bit longer."

I shoved him off me. "Jazz! I'm sorry but making out in front of a teacher is _not _a turn on!"

He laughed softly before hitting the gas and driving out of Forks.

**...**

"How do you know you're from Forks...?" Jazz murmured huskily against my ear.

We were in the midst of our goodbyes, but I was too irritated to enjoy it. All I could think of was getting to Edward in order to break his neck.

"How?" I asked sighing, as my eyes inadvertently drifted from Jazz's to the front door of the house, narrowing.

"When you're kissing your boyfriend, but thinking about your brother," he replied, pulling back from me with a quick grin.

I exhaled into a chuckle then wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him close. "I'm sorry, Jazzy," I said sincerely, kissing his neck before pulling back to kiss his lips tenderly. "I'll make it up to you tonight—after I kill Edward," I whispered in his ear, making my voice sound deliberately seductive, and smiling to myself as he immediately grew tense.

He hummed softly, knowingly."I'll hold you to that."

He kissed me again.

"I know ... you will," I replied, responding to him, but the need to maim my brother was more prominent on my mind.

Jazz sighed deeply and slumped back to his seat. He looked over at me and grinned, rolling his eyes. "Okay, go kill him. I'll see you at seven."

I planted a quick parting kiss on his cheek before jumping out of the car. "Tonight, Jazzy," I said coyly, winking at him.

He blew me a kiss, before pulling back down the driveway.

That afternoon was the first time where I didn't stay on the porch watching as Jazz drove out of sight. Instead, I leaped up the stairs two at a time, my anger returning with each step as I raced towards Edward's room.

There was no light illuminated under his bedroom door, but that didn't stop me from bursting through it anyway.

Empty.

I huffed loudly, whipping my phone out and pressing Edward's number. It reached his voice mail again. I took a barely measured breath, feeling my frustration growing

"Where are you, Edward? The village is missing its idiot!" I bellowed into my cell.

**...**

Emmett came home around five; he got dressed and left not long after. He hadn't seen Edward.

"What has Bludge done now?" he asked, as he stood in front of his dresser mirror styling his shortly cropped hair.

Why he was bothering was any one's guess, but I'm sure he thought he was improving upon it.

"The usual acts of astounding stupidity," I muttered dryly, leaning on the door frame of his bedroom.

He quirked an eyebrow at me. "And? You're surprised _because_...?"

"I'm not surprised, but … he hurt Bella," I confessed quietly, feeling a pang of guilt in my chest for leaving Edward open to Emmett again, but I pushed it away angrily. He no longer deserved my loyalties.

"Again?" Emmett asked, raising his brow high on his forehead before breaking into a mocking grin.

I only nodded in reply.

He began laughing so hysterically that he had to stop combing his hair to lean his forehead in his palm. "Where is he?" he asked with a devious grin after his laughter had died down.

"Hiding—I don't know. That's why I asked you if you'd seen him," I answered, rolling my eyes at him.

"Jeez, that dude is funny." Emmett laughed again to himself with a shake of his head.

"I think we'll agree to disagree on that, Em," I said, turning to walk to my room.

"Hey?" He called after me; I turned back to him raising my eyebrows in question. "What time is Mom and Doctor McDreamy due home tonight?" he asked, his eyes narrowing suddenly with suspicion.

I shrugged. "Probably about the same as usual. Why?" I asked, sensing the beginnings of his male ego, over bearing big brother syndrome and groaning internally.

"Well, you tell Jazz to behave himself or I'll sick Rosie on to him," was Emmett's reply, his eyes gleaming with both the seriousness of his threat and his usual wise ass amusement.

I rolled my eyes. "I'll keep that in mind. Goodnight, Em," I replied lightly before returning to my room.

"Yeah 'night, _elfling_."

Edward was still AWOL by the time Jazz was due to arrive. I had to conclude that the snake was hiding out and probably wouldn't be home all night. I more than likely wouldn't know where he was unless I stayed awake until mom arrived home to ask her. Edward knew better than to stay out all night without letting mom know; if he knew what was good for him, anyway. That knowledge only made me fume more. He wasn't even man enough to come home and face up to his actions—to me, at least!

I left him another message, expecting to reach his voice mail and not blinking when I got it. "You have to come home some time, you coward!" I growled down the phone before tossing it angrily on my bed.

I sighed to myself and picked it up a moment later, this time dialing Bella's house. Her Uncle answered before I heard the sound of Bella's small voice a few moments later, even though I suspected she was attempting to sound cheerful. My heart swelled for her.

She went on to explain Edward's rather hostile behavior towards her that afternoon.

"Did he even ask you if it was true?" I asked in angry disbelief.

"No," Bella replied. "He seemed to have made up his mind himself."

I was fuming.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid asshole!_ I thought to myself wanting to scream it out.

I changed the subject immediately, asking Bella if she was going to Rob's very famous eighteenth birthday party Saturday night. I knew she didn't want to go. It was obvious she didn't like the thought of running into Edward there.

"Hey, look, if you're worried about Edward, I don't think he'll go, somehow. He's avoiding me like the plague at the moment," I explained to her, my tone tactful.

She sighed heavily into the receiver. "I'll think about it, Alice. Thanks for calling. I've got to go and bear witness to more Jake and Nessie _slop_." I could almost see the forced smile she was attempting on the other end of the line.

Edward wasn't good enough for her; that was all there was to it.

I chuckled gently. "Goodnight, Bella. You take it easy, okay?"

"Sure thing, Als. You too," was her reply, her soft voice wavering slightly at the end, but she hung up before I could say anything more.

I was so angry that I sent another message to Edward, this time via text: **Calling you an idiot is an insult to stupid people!**

I paced around my room angrily, before the thought of Jazz coming over was the only thing that began to calm my mood. I got dressed into Jazz's favorite outfit and sprayed on the perfume he'd bought me for Christmas, before going downstairs to wait for him.

He arrived right on time just as he always did, revealing a single red rose from behind his back and extending it out to me.

"For you, my Alley cat," he said sweetly, grinning at me huge and handsomely.

I exhaled wistfully—he was so gorgeous. I took the rose from his hand and with my other, I grabbed a fistful of his sweater, pulling him inside. "Oh, Jazzy..." I said softly, stretching up to kiss him affectionately.

He wrapped his arms around my waist, hauling me off the ground, kissing me back with a little more fervor.

I pulled back teasingly. "Patience, patience," I whispered in his ear, before tucking his blond floppy locks behind it, so I could kiss it softly, grinning as I did, knowing his reaction in advance.

He immediately cringed, pulling me away automatically. "Alley—no!" He laughed, plonking me back down on my feet.

I laughed lightly and grabbed his hand pulling him over to the sofa. "Did you get the DVDs?" I asked.

He flashed me a wry grin and held them up.

I popped them open inspecting them before groaning loudly. "What are … I can't watch these!" I exclaimed in distaste.

One was foreign, and the other was dated 1947, without the mention of Clark Gable on the blurb, at all.

Jazz grinned broadly, arching his eyebrow suggestively. "I thought that was the whole idea."

I smiled back at him, shaking my head lightly to myself. "Can't we pretend to watch them, at least?" I teased him with mock coyness.

He came over to me, took the DVDs from my hands and kissed me again briefly, shaking his head. "No," he answered, chuckling softly, before kissing me again more intensely.

I pulled away again just as it began to build. "I made popcorn—well I haven't yet, but we can do it now," I teased him, before grabbing his hand and pulling him into the kitchen.

He groaned with feigned frustration, but allowed me to pull him along.

Like the complete gentleman that Jazz was … most of the time, he microwaved the popcorn as I sat on the counter chatting to him.

"Um … by the way, Edward called me about thirty minutes ago," he began delicately, once he'd set the timer for the popcorn.

My mood instantly went stormy. "What did he say?" I asked lowly.

"He said he's not coming home tonight. He knew what would happen with you, if he did..." Jazz explained, before creasing his forehead as though he was preparing himself for an impact.

I scoffed and blurted, "Damn straight, the coward!"

"I asked him what he'd done, since you were ready to kill him, and he told me that you should ask Bella," he added, practically cringing away from me this time, as if I was going to attack him.

I almost did!

"He said _WHAT?_!" I screeched. I jumped off the counter, snatched up the phone that hung on the kitchen wall and dialed Edward's number as I fumed. My hands were shaking with the sheer velocity of my anger.

Again, voice mail.

"You are a complete and utter idiot, Edward. You are living proof that man can live without a brain!" I yelled into the receiver before slamming it back again and whipping around with my arms crossed.

Jazz was gazing at me with a small skeptical smile on his lips. "So I see that overreacting runs in the family," he muttered to himself, his expression turning to amusement.

I quirked my eyebrow at him as my anger dissipated. "Oh really? Would you like me to over react on you, Jazzy?" I teased him, dropping my eyelids for emphasis.

His expression turned playful. "Oh, God, yes."

"Tell me where and when and I'm yours," I replied, continuing with the seduction, and smiling fractionally to myself.

The microwave beeped, and Jazz grabbed the bag of popcorn then grabbed my hand, pulling me back into the living room with him.

"Come, Alley cat, and give me a good dose of it," he spoke into my ear, his voice growing gravelly before he kissed the top of my head affectionately.

Jazz's randomly picked DVDs threatened to be so dull that we barely made it past the opening credits; as I suspected was his motive for picking them. I was half way through tugging his shirt over his head when I was suddenly overwhelmed by concentrated amounts of aggravation.

I shoved him off me rather angrily, leaving him in incredibly adorable bewilderment, before I raced up the stairs to retrieve my phone. I couldn't relax until I told Edward exactly what was on my mind; otherwise, it would bug the hell out of me and threaten to ruin the whole night.

"When you come home you're dead, Edward_. _You giant, big, fucking _pussy_!"

I stood in angry consternation for a few moments before I looked up and noticed Jazz standing in the doorway grinning at me with amusement mingled with slight impatience.

"Got it out of your system now?" he asked me, raising his eyebrows and looking too gorgeous for me to be so distracted by my idiot brother.

"I think so," I said giving him a sheepish shrug. I walked over to him and leaned up on my toes to kiss him tenderly but briefly on the lips. "Sorry."

He rolled his eyes and sighed, scratching the top of his head. I smiled apologetically at him before pulling him back down the stairs by his un-tucked shirt.

I took my cell with me; just in case.

This time I pushed him on the sofa and climbed on him, straddling his lap as I tried my best to stay focused on him, but it was no good. Not even his warm, enticing fingers inching there way under my shirt could hold my focus. I pulled out of his kiss and ran my hands through my hair.

"I'm sorry, Jazzy—damn it!" I suddenly yelled in frustration.

He closed his eyes and groaned to himself

I picked up my phone again. "God Damn it, Edward. Answer your phone, you coward!" I hollered angrily into it.

In one lightning fast movement, that completely surprised me, Jazz grabbed me around the waist and pulled me back over to the sofa with him.

"Alley, we're missing the movie, and I'm getting really pissed!" he teased me, showing too much good-nature than I deserved. He leaned in slowly, with his eyes twinkling wickedly, and kissed me again. This time it was heated with a little more force. I melted into him with a long humming sigh, allowing Edward to drift from my consciousness.

"No more ... douche bag ... Edward," he murmured between long, heated kisses.

"Mmm-hmm," was my reply as I allowed our kissing to grow in intensity without breaking it off.

Jazz laid me back into the sofa, his searing lips traveling from my face down to my shoulders, slipping my bra strap down as he went. I sighed deeply, my body tingling with an undercurrent of energy. Pulling him back to my lips again, I tugged his shirt up, trailing my fingers up his stomach playfully. He pulled away, his muscles flinching, and half chuckled, his eyes burning midnight blue with longing.

Pulling his shirt fully over his head, he tossed it on the ground, before doing the same with mine. I kissed his face all over teasingly, before I broke away to kiss the burning smooth skin of his shoulders and chest; running my lips and nose along the contours of his rock hard, tensing muscles. Jazz fumbled, rather unsuccessfully, to unclasp my bra, continuing to kiss my shoulder and neck as he did.

My cell suddenly beeped with a message alert. I sat upright and stared at it as it lit up, vibrating on the coffee table. I made a move to get it, but Jazz held me back.

"Nope," he breathed in my ear. "Not letting you."

I chuckled. "Jazz, let me get it."

"Nu-uh," was his reply, he turned me back and kissed me again, my lips curved into a knowing smile, while his mouth was pressed stubbornly to mine.

I gently pushed against his bare chest. "Jazzy, you know it'll drive me crazy. Just let me get it, and then I promise I'll turn it off."

He thought about it for a moment before conceding. "Okay." He sighed with exaggerated frustration before he covered his face with his hands, pretending to sob with sexual frustration.

I grinned at him and rolled my eyes with affection, before picking up my cell and clicking open the message. It _was_ from Edward:

**Alice, quit giving me a hard time. I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG!**

"You have _got_ to be kidding me!" I exclaimed in furious disbelief. "Nothing wrong—_NOTHING WRONG_?"

I immediately went to reply, but Jazz quickly grabbed my cell from my hand and held it up over his head, out of my reach.

"Jazz, not funny! Give me my phone!" I demanded, feeling my emotions slide into the irrational.

He grinned using a smile I normally couldn't resist. "Nope," he replied lightly. Wrapping his free arm around my shoulders and pulling me against his bare chest, he kissed me teasingly before attempting to turn it heated.

I broke away, it was not an easy thing to do, but my present irritation at Edward was currently overshadowing everything else.

"Jazzy, I've got to reply," I insisted.

"No, you don't," he insisted. I could see by the deepened shade of his eyes that he was getting more frustrated; not that I could blame him—hell, I was frustrated as well.

"Please, Jazzy?" I pleaded using one of my looks that _he_ usually couldn't resist.

He remained unmoved and continued shaking his head.

I folded my arms. "He majorly fucked up—Jesus! Bella is my best friend! All you guys are the same!" I burst angrily.

Jazz only gazed at me for a moment, eyeing me cynically, before eventually breaking into a grin. I rolled my eyes, used to the fact that he usually regarded any angry outbursts from me with amusement.

He suddenly sighed, shaking his head as he did, then lowered my phone from above his head, but instead of handing it to me he began dialing.

"Dude, seriously, call Alice so she can have it out with you, 'cause at this rate I'm never gonna get laid!"

I threw him a discernible smirk, raising my brow at him, while I fought back the grin. "And who said you were getting anything of the kind?"

He pouted at me again, took a step closer, and encircled me in his arms—my cell beeped loudly, making us both jump in surprise.

"I probably just seriously pissed him off," Jazz said with a grin before opening my phone to read the message. His grin broadened and he broke into a soft chuckle. "Yep."

I sighed taking the phone from his hands and read the message:

**Are you fucking kidding me? Do you want me to rip your throat out?**

"Oh typical! _This _he replies to," I snapped, quickly texting a reply, telling Edward if he wanted to kill my boyfriend he'd have to get through me first, but since he was too much of a pussy to face me, his whole threat was laughable at best.

"Okay, Alley, no more! You're killing me," Jazz burst, taking my phone from me and switching it off, before putting it down his pants—his grin turning cheeky. "If you want it back, you have to come and get it."

I flashed him a gentle teasing smile and gazed up at him through my lashes. "Take me to my room, Jazzy, so I can overreact on you."

He half carried me, half stumbled up the stairs, while we kissed feverishly, my legs wrapped tightly around his waist as I clung to him. His skin began to burn beneath my fingers.

"Alley, I can't see a freaking thing. Where am I going?" he murmured, breaking into a soft laugh as we reached the pitch black of the second floor.

I kissed him heatedly, deepening it further, pressing my naked chest to his.

"End of the hall," I murmured, running my hands through his hair and opening my mouth to him with even greater yearning.

He groaned softly and continued stumbling blindly until he reached my room.

"Close the door, Jazzy," I whispered to him, nuzzling his ear with my nose before I trailed my lips, kissing his skin softly along his jaw then down to his neck. I inhaled the sexy as all hell scent of his aftershave, as the current of heated desire within me burned to the surface of my skin.

He turned around and kicked the door closed clumsily, with me still in his arms clinging to him.

"I love you, Alley-cat," he murmured, before pressing his lips heatedly to mine again. I could feel his heart hammering against my chest, pounding and joining in rhythm with mine.

"I love you too, Jazzy," I said softly against his lips, feeling his breath washing hotly over my face. "Don't be a … gentleman this time," I added breathlessly, losing myself against his mouth once again.

**...**

I woke up the next morning stretching widely and grinning to myself with as much vigor. The events of the previous night were still prominently in my mind, making me feel all the more fuzzy and warm. I rolled over then flinched from the sting that pierced the skin of my shoulder. I half sat up rubbing it quizzically, before realizing that I'd rolled onto Jazz's rose that he'd left on my spare pillow, along with a folded note.

I picked it up, my smile broadening as my thoughts returned to Jazz and the events of last night, before I unfolded and read it.

**Alley,**

**Thank you for tonight. I love you more than anything in this world.**

**Love Jazz.**

I drew in my breath deeply, exhaling with contentment, then let myself flop back against my pillow. Closing my eyes, I wrapped my arms around myself, still smelling Jazz everywhere around me.

I allowed myself a moment to be engulfed by it, before I rather energetically sprang from my bed with a new vitality in my step.

I had a long, hot shower, then threw on my discarded clothes from the night before and ran my hands through my hair. It was all I really needed to do with it; it wasn't long enough yet to get tangled enough to need a hair brush.

I walked out of my room to head downstairs for breakfast, suddenly realizing how famished I was. Jazz and I hadn't eaten a thing the previous night, not even the popcorn we'd made.

However, as soon as I walked into the hall, I was instantly reminded of Edward. Immediately, I turned my step toward his room, my mood dropping to irritation in mere seconds.

"I wouldn't bother; he's still not home," Emmett spoke up as a passing comment but stopped dead in front of me and gave me a scrutinizing look; his eyes narrowing until he looked almost pissed.

I wasn't in the mood to engage him in his mind games just then; I had bigger fish to fry. I marched back into my bedroom and grabbed my cell phone.

"Remind me to beat the living crap out of Jazz," he suddenly grumbled, sounding only half joking.

"What? You don't know what you're talking about," I shot back at him as I dialed Edward's Blackberry again. Considering how much I was distracted by my present anger with Edward, I was pretty sure I'd convinced Emmett that he was delusional regarding his suspicions about Jazz and I. Plus, I was too mad to blush.

"Edward, still not home I see! Well, if I said anything yesterday that I should be sorry for—_I'm glad_!" I bellowed into the phone, which made Emmett scoff and mutter something about freaky evil twins.

"And another thing," I added, my tone growing louder and more irate, "Jazz and I had a great time last night. _All. Night. long_!"

A loud groan drew my attention to Emmett again as he disappeared down the stairs. "Oh yeah, I'll be kicking his ass tonight." I heard him say more or less to himself.

"Boys should be drowned at birth!" I yelled back to him, hearing a faint chuckle in response, just as my phone beeped.

Edward!

I clicked open his message, scoffing loudly as I read it. **You know how fucked up it is that you felt the need to tell me that, you little rat?!**

I texted one word in reply: **Pussy!**

**Ferret.**

Scoffing again, I rolled my eyes, shrugging off my irritation, before following Emmett downstairs; my stomach protesting loudly in hunger.

"Hi, honey," Mom said cheerfully as I walked into the kitchen. She came over to kiss me affectionately on the cheek, tucking a strand of my hair out of my eyes.

I grinned sheepishly. "Hi, mom."

I sat down at the breakfast table, poured myself a bowl of cereal and munched it slowly. Carlisle walked in the room a few moments later and sat beside me.

"Good morning, Alice," he spoke in his usual professional consultation tone—even on Saturday mornings at the breakfast table—flashing me a warm smile.

I had a mouth full of cereal, so all I could manage in reply was a smile.

"You look all bright and cheerful today," he commented before opening his newspaper and laying it over his crossed knees to read.

"You do, Alice," Mom commented with a smile as she laid a cup of coffee in front of Carlisle and sat opposite me at the table.

"That's generally the idea after a night of getting laid," Emmett said walking into the room, smirking at me devilishly, just as I inhaled several apple jacks into my windpipe and began violently choking and spluttering—only to have my lungs collapse a moment later as the great ape pounded on my back.

Once I'd gained some kind of composure, I shot him a look of angry mortification, but mom's obvious reaction told me that—thankfully—she took his comment with a copious amount of skepticism.

"Emmett, for the love of … please no more _laid_ jokes at the table! If that's okay?" she exclaimed in exasperation.

I half huffed, half cleared my throat and pulled myself quickly together, before taking a huge gulp of orange juice to calm my spasmodic throat.

"Are you okay, Alice?" Carlisle asked, peaking at me from behind his paper.

I only nodded and cleared my throat again weakly.

Mom sighed shaking her head to herself, a hint of a smile twitching at her lips as she watched Emmett raid the refrigerator. She sighed again this time smiling warmly before rolling her eyes and turning her attention to me again.

"What _did _you and Jasper get up to last night?" she asked me, as if Emmett's notion was completely inconceivable.

I was sure everyone thought that just because I was a fair amount vertically challenged, I'd stopped aging to even things out. Mom definitely saw me as eleven—at the most; I was sure of it.

"We watched DVDs and made popcorn," I answered with a casual shrug. It sounded innocent enough, I thought to myself as a small secretive smile spread slowly to my lips. It turned to a scowl a moment later, thanks to Emmett's obnoxious snort from inside the refrigerator. I sighed inwardly, seriously entertaining the idea of slashing the tires to his car.

As much as I complained about it, it was very convenient that Mom saw me as still an eleven year old. It gave me immunity against several of her anal-retentive rules. For instance, she would never have gone out and left Jazz and I alone in the house otherwise. It definitely wouldn't last too much longer if Emmett refused to take his foot out of his mouth. Mom wasn't in that much denial when it came to me, and although I was given a few more allowances than the boys, I was sure that having sex with my boyfriend in my bedroom was not one of them.

I finished my breakfast quickly and left, not wanting to be around in case Mom decided to reflect on Emmett's ramblings and came to one or more conclusions that ended up with her and I in the family planning clinic together. I shuddered at the thought, but I missed the opportunity to scope out where Edward and his pea-sized brain had spent the night. In a way, I was glad; I was getting tired of getting so riled up over him. But not worrying about my twin brother was a skill I had not yet mastered.

I finished off my homework during the rest of the morning before Jazzy called around lunch. I curled up on the sofa and chatted with him for a while before calling Bella. She wasn't home; her uncle informed me that she'd gone to Port Angeles with Jake. I hung up folding my arms and sighing to myself suddenly with angry frustration, knowing that if Edward hadn't royally screwed it up, Bella would be in Port Angeles with him instead.

I released my breath again, this time in a loud huff; I was so sick of allowing him to impede on my life.

cont...

* * *

**A/N: Yikes that was cheesy. I almost didn't make it. Horny little devils!**


	14. The Party

**A/N: Put on your seatbelts, folks.**

* * *

**Chapter **

**13**

**The Party**

**Alice's POV**

Jazz picked me up for Rob's party at seven-thirty on the dot, pulling up in his battered but sexy as all hell red 1965 Ford Mustang. I jumped into the passenger side, leaning over to meet his very tender but brief greeting kiss.

"You look sexy, Alley-cat," he whispered in my ear, before kissing me quickly on the cheek and starting the engine. His car roared loudly to life before he drove down the winding driveway with one hand gripping the steering wheel, and the other resting idly on my knee.

It took only a few minutes to drive to the party, and by the time we arrived it was already in full swing. The road for fifty yards either side was littered with parked cars—legally or otherwise—and kids were piling in and out of the house as loud music blared and echoed up and down the street.

I noticed, while Jazz searched for somewhere to park, Bella's red Jeep Cherokee. I also noticed the lack of a certain silver Volvo and sighed to myself with relief.

"You haven't heard from Edward again have you?" I asked Jazz, as he took my hand and led me quickly from the car into the crowds of kids on the front lawn to escape the chill wind.

He shook his head. "Nope and, Alley, no talk of douche-bag tonight, okay? He's a big boy, he can take care of himself," he replied, flashing his sexy smile at me and adding tender affection to it until my stomach squirmed. Releasing his hand from mine, he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close.

"Well okay, as long as you promise to properly distract me?" I teased him coyly.

"You can count on that," he leaned down and murmured in my ear, a broad, horny grin plastered on his chiseled features.

I chuckled and wrapped my arm around his waist, snuggling further against him.

It was fair to say that most of the juniors, seniors and as well as a huge slice of sophomores from Forks High School were crammed in the house. Jazz and I could barely move; in fact we had to slide sideways to get between everyone.

"Find somewhere to sit, and I'll get us a drink," he yelled in my ear.

I nodded and glanced around me. I quickly spotted Bella sitting alone on a sofa by the far side of the living room. I made my way over to her, and as I approached she looked up, met my eyes and smiled broadly. She was actually dressed in one of the outfits she'd bought when we were in Port Angeles recently—skinny jeans, knee high boots and a tan sweater. It actually showed that Bella had a figure under all the layers of clothes she usually wore; she still looked like she was freezing her tits off, though.

"I'm so glad you're here, Als," she spoke loudly to be heard above the music, and with obvious relief. " I don't know anyone but Jake and Ness and well … you can see for yourself how that's going," she added wryly, motioning to her cousin and his girlfriend, who were busy getting hot and heated in a not so secluded corner.

I chuckled and sat down next to her, sighing in disbelief and shaking my head to myself. "It's crazy in here, but I'm glad you came too, girl! How is everything?"

She shrugged. "Yeah okay … status quo…" Her eyes flashed with hope before they brightened again—as much as eyes as deep as Bella's could brighten, that is.

I nodded slowly in thought; she was obviously referring to Kel. "Well, sometimes that's good news, huh?"

She nodded in agreement and managed a half smile.

"I rang your house today but your uncle said you were out with Jake?" I asked.

She nodded again. "Yeah, I got my mo—cell phone. Wanna see?" Her brow shot up with a sincere amount of enthusiasm. She reached into her bag and held it out for my inspection.

"Whoa, Bells, an iPhone 5! You cool dude," I teased her warmly.

She grinned and shrugged with one shoulder a little self-consciously. "What's your number again, Al?"

We exchanged cell phone numbers and chatted for a while. Jazz didn't return with our drinks, but knowing Jazzy he probably ran into someone and got distracted; especially if he knew I was hanging with Bella.

Bella showed me some songs by _Aussie _bands that she liked. It aggravated me to no end, and there was no way I could ever tell her, but she definitely had Edward's taste in music. They were too angsty and ballady for my liking, but exactly like Edward. I sighed inwardly, hoping she didn't notice.

She did.

"Too daggy?" she asked me, her cheeks coloring slightly, misinterpreting my body language.

I chuckled and shook my head. "No, not_ daggy_ at all."

It was so ridiculously crowded that Bella and I were pretty much trapped on the sofa, and I suspected she was secretly relieved for it. I suggested we dance at one point, and the look of horror that crossed Bella's face was almost jocular. So, with no choice but to remain stranded where we were, we lost ourselves in chatting; with all conversation meticulously kept Edward-free.

After about forty minutes or so, Jazz arrived back on the scene with our drinks; as sweet as he was he even brought a beer for Bella. She received it with thanks her cheek color plateauing, before she placed it discreetly at her feet a few moments later.

Bella didn't drink. She'd confessed to me prior to the party that she didn't drink because she didn't want to be like her mother. I found it incredibly hard to believe that she could ever be anything like her mother, considering the few small details she'd given of her, but I understood her reasoning. Because of this though, I suspected she felt very left out and uncomfortable at things like parties. She stuck out like a sore thumb the minute I'd seen her, sitting straight as a pole and probably just as stiff. Her shoulders were drawn together as though she was protecting herself from being knocked about from the crowd, while her hands were clasped tightly in her lap.

It was ironic though, because if anyone needed a reason to relax, it was Bella.

Jazz squashed himself next to me on the sofa before pulling me onto his lap. I kept up my conversation with Bella for a while before Jazz became a little too hard to handle. Bella grinned discernibly to herself then with exaggerated casualness, she turned to talk to Angela, a girl from our year who was possibly shyer than she was.

"Let's go find a nice quiet place for two, Alley-cat," Jazz murmured in my ear, his hot breath tickling my neck, causing the hairs to stand on end.

"Let's dance for a while," I replied tickling his earlobe with my pinky finger, making him cringe. Chuckling, I climbed off his lap, pulling him up with me.

Jazz and I danced for no more than two minutes at best before we were making out more than we were dancing. At some point he'd dragged me to a quieter place, where I felt more comfortable to heat it up with him. It soon turned _too _heated, though, and I quickly realized I'd allowed him to get too carried away.

"Jazzy ... let's get a ... drink," I managed to say, while his lips were pressed hotly over mine. I gently pulled his hands out from under my top, kissing his fingers as I did.

"A drink..." he murmured blankly as if he had no idea what I'd just spoken, before he leaned back in to kiss my neck.

It was so easy to get lost in the moment with Jazz, but it was getting to a tasteless level.

Gently I pushed him back. "Drink, Jazz ... please?" I asked smiling at him in a way I knew he couldn't resist.

He sighed and blinked a few times, before closing his eyes, half sighing, half groaning to himself, a goofy intoxicated grin on his face. He turned to walk back into the crowd when I quickly pulled him back, making sure he was facing me.

"What?" He grinned, his eyebrows knotting.

"Stay here for a moment, babe, and ... think about ..._ baseball._"

His eyes widened; he glanced down at his straining crotch and broke into a chuckle.

"Oh..." he mumbled, his chuckling continuing as he bent his face into my neck again. His lips connected with my skin, sending bolts of heat through my veins, making it almost impossible to gain my bearings and push him gently back. But I somehow managed to.

"Baseball, Jazzy!" I teased him sternly.

He nodded. "Okay ... baseball..." he mumbled closing his eyes again, a small grin spreading slowly across his face.

After a moment or two, Jazz was _calm_ enough again to be led out of isolation, and we found our way into the kitchen.

With everyone flocking in and out to the refrigerator, the kitchen was a lot more crowded than the living areas. Jazz and I had to wait a few moments in a queue before we could get any more drinks.

Jazz was behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist, kissing my neck and whispering silly half-drunken things in my ear, when he suddenly whipped me around and pressed his lips to mine in a rushed, panicked sort of way that was very unlike him.

I pushed myself back in confusion. "Jazz, what are you doing?" I exclaimed, feeling my forehead knot as I watched his face become uneasy.

It was then that I saw what he was obviously trying to prevent me from seeing.

Edward was standing in the room, only a few feet away from us, with bleary, bloodshot eyes, practically swaying where he stood, with Jessica Stanley in his arms. She was basically molesting him, but Edward seemed totally indifferent to it.

"_What. The. FUCK!_" I swore loudly, the words flying out of my mouth before I had another moment to think. "Oh no he didn't!" I exclaimed feeling my face suddenly flash hotly with growing anger.

It was at that moment that Edward looked over toward me. His face was blotchy and his hair was untidier than usual. I wasn't sure how much alcohol he'd consumed, but I was guessing it was a fair amount. As he met my gaze, his eyes half rolled in irritation.

I was on the verge of throwing him a threatening scowl, when something caught his attention and he swiftly looked away, staring past me. He seemed to freeze, unable to look away, his entire face contorting with pain and revulsion. I turned to follow his gaze but with my height, I saw nothing but the crowds of people milling around. I turned back, and as I watched him, I felt my forehead crease with a curiosity that soon grew grave—despite my annoyance at him. There was something about his expression that made my heart quicken in fear for him. He continued to stand stock still, his face paling, and the muscles in his jaw turning rigid. Then slowly, his expression twisted into anger. He turned back around in one angry motion, grabbed a bottle of vodka that stood on the kitchen counter, then took Jessica's hand and pulled her behind him through the crowds.

Hastily, I moved forward to follow him, never in my whole life feeling this angry and ashamed of my brother, when Jazz grabbed me around the waist, preventing me from taking another step.

"Alley, I know you're angry at him but it might have to wait; maybe to a time when Bella isn't sitting ten feet away," Jazz spoke, his tone reflecting a rare seriousness.

I exhaled every last molecule of air from my lungs and nodded in agreement. Still, I was unable to tear my eyes away from Edward as he moved through the crowd, even when the only recognizable thing about him was his messy mop of hair.

When he was eventually lost from my sight, I turned back to Jazz.

"We'd better get Bella out of here," I said, rubbing my forehead slowly and closing my eyes momentarily in exasperation.

Jazz nodded in agreement, his eyes scanning through the crowds before he turned back to me. "Yeah, but right now we might have to rescue her."

He turned me in the direction to best see through the crowds. Bella was lying backwards on the sofa with Mike Newton flush on top of her, pressing his lips to hers, while Bella's hands gripped his arms tightly. I continued to stare, mutely, oddly for a moment, trying to work out why the picture of them together made my skin crawl. When in the next moment Bella angrily shoved Mike off her.

It became clear then; Mike was drunk and Bella was not a willing participant.

It all fell into place as my heart sank with sudden realization. This was what Edward had witnessed just a moment ago; missing the vital part that Bella was being assaulted.

"Oh God, he's really going to believe it now," I muttered, pushing myself forward through the crowd as Jazz followed close behind with both his hands on my waist.

Bella had shoved Mike off her and was attempting to escape the sofa, her face scarlet from anger and indignation.

"Get away from me, you wanker!" she exclaimed, but Mike only jumped on her again, forcing her backwards on the sofa, and laughing as though Bella was teasing him.

I was about six feet from Bella, preparing myself to jump on Newton's back when Emmett casually walked over to him, grabbed him rather comically by the back of his collar and tossed him across the room with incredible, jaw dropping ease. All without spilling a single drop of his drink that he held in his other hand. Mike crashed into the wall and fell into a drunken semi-conscious heap.

Emmett then flopped himself beside Bella and took a casual sip of his drink, a wide grin appearing on his face. "How's it going, Bella? You okay?"

I huffed out my relief, shaking my head in wonder. Emmett definitely came in handy sometimes...

Bella broke into a grateful smile, quickly righting herself on the sofa. "I am now. Thank you, Emmett."

"No problem." He winked at her in response.

I plonked down next to Bella while Jazz sat on the arm of the sofa beside me.

"You okay, Bella—what a jerk!" I exclaimed.

She looked more embarrassed than angry, and frustrated even more than that; her face was flushing deeply.

"Yeah," she muttered eying Mike with aversion, who was drunkenly trying to get to his feet, before she exhaled shortly.

"So, Bella?" Emmett suddenly piped up with a wicked smirk on his face. "Tell me what my doofus brother did to piss you off this time? Did he run Jacob over in that pussy, piece of shit Swedish made car of his?"

Bella paused for a moment, opening and closing her mouth several times looking uneasy. Her cheeks started to go blotchy, just as they were recovering from the Mike incident. I piped up with my plan in time to save her from the agony of having to answer.

"Bella, I've got an idea. Do you want to have a girl's night at your place? I don't know about you, but I'm kind of over this party," I suggested it with forced enthusiasm, hoping I sounded genuine.

I could practically measure her relief as she sighed deeply. "That'd be great, Al. Good idea."

I almost sighed from relief along with her. "Cool. Do you want to go now?" I asked her, raising my eyebrows, emphasizing my eagerness.

She nodded before her expression faltered. "Okay, but I'd better find Jake and make sure he and Nessie have a way of getting home."

I almost groaned, before Jazz piped up, "I saw Jacob out front about five minutes ago, Bella."

Of course he hadn't, but it was genius. If Bella went in search of Jake, chances were she'd run into Edward. I shuddered to think how that would play out.

I turned to Jazz and smiled at him affectionately. I would definitely be rewarding him for that one. He grinned down at me, winking and without being able to resist I pulled him down to kiss him impulsively. Beside us, Emmett groaned, then got up off the sofa and disappeared into the crowd.

Grinning to myself, I turned back to Bella. "Okay, Bella, you go out and talk to Jake and I'll meet you at your car in, say ... five minutes?"

She nodded and pulled herself off the lounge, before weaving her way through the crowds in the direction of the front door.

I turned quickly to Jazz. "You look for him upstairs, Jazzy. I'll look down here. It shouldn't be too hard to find him, going by the size of him."

I preferred that arrangement; I didn't really fancy the idea of running into my jackass brother utilizing one of the upstairs bedrooms with skanky Jessica Stanley.

After searching every inch of spare space on the ground floor, I was confident Jacob wasn't there. More than likely he was upstairs with Nessie, I thought with a sigh, and headed for the stairs to check if Jazz had found him.

I was only about half way up when I was practically knocked over backwards by Bella. She was racing down the stairs in such a panicked way, that it was obvious something was very wrong.

I no doubt wouldn't need her to draw me a picture, I thought with an internal groan.

I grabbed her shoulders to steady her, before she fell the rest of the way down. "Bella, what is it?" I asked anxiously, knowing very well what, but continuing to hold out hope.

I was completely naive, because there was only one person who could hurt Bella like this at the moment.

She looked up and met my gaze. Her expression was a perfect picture of dismay, and I was instantly filled with dread.

Oh fuck!

"I-I-I've got to get out of here!" she blurted, her voice beyond any rationality.

She turned to continue down the stairs again in a way that was practically suicidal considering her level of coordination, when I grabbed her hand.

"Okay, Bella, I'll come with you. Just wait one second, okay?" I replied, practically pleading with her, with more than a hint of desperation in my voice.

She reacted as if she hadn't heard me. Pulling her hand free from mine she continued down the stairs, only to trip and land unscathed, thankfully, in Emmett's arms—who'd been about to scale the stairs himself.

"Are you okay, Bella?" he asked her, his tone concerned.

Without answering, she shook herself out of his steadying grip and continued toward the front door. I continued to watch as she shoved through the crowds of people, with her hands up around her head, as if protecting herself from both physical and emotional harm.

Emmett looked up at me in bewilderment, but I could see the exasperation that began creeping behind his eyes. They practically blared _Edward_!

With a measured, barely controlled breath, feeling every muscle in my body turn rigid with growing anger, I whipped myself around in the direction of the second floor and stormed up the rest of the way.

The first door I passed on the landing was ajar. I caught a glimpse of Edward inside, and with my anger pushing me forward, I burst into the room without a second thought.

Edward was standing up against the wall, or more the wall was holding him up, and Jessica was in the midst of undoing his pants. They both turned to stare at me in surprise as I entered, Edward groaning in annoyance.

"You," I pointed an accusing finger at Jessica, "_OUT_!" I ordered, but she stood her ground with a small, smug smile on her lips.

Practically growling in angry frustration, I grabbed her arm and hurled her through the open door before slamming it shut again and turning back to Edward.

I snatched the half-full bottle of vodka from his hands. He opened his mouth sluggishly to protest, but I slapped him across the face so hard that the stinging sound of it echoed through the room, stunning him into silence. His eyes met mine shining with so much shock and pain that I almost faltered—almost!

"What is the matter with you!?" I demanded.

"Me?" What the hell is the matter with you, Alice?" he hollered back, his words slurring and running together, his face twisting with angry, hurt affliction.

I held up the vodka bottle in emphasis and huffed. "What are you doing, Edward?"

"What does it look like?" he slurred sarcastically. "I thought that was obvious. I'm getting wasted."

"_Getting_ wasted?" I retorted, arching an eyebrow with disgust, and shaking my head, so mad at him that I wanted to slap him again. "I can't believe you, Edward. Do you realize what you've done to Bella—_again_?"

"_Bella_?" He practically snorted in disgust; only his eyes immediately contradicted him. "Why do you care so much about _her_ for?" Whether he was aware of it or not, his tone had suddenly turned defeated, while his gravelly voice was laced with pain. But, his reply had only made me angrier.

"Because Bella is the only person—other than Jazz and Rose—who doesn't treat me like I have some kind of contagious disease. And in case you've forgotten, she's going through quite a bit at the moment, and here you are again hurting her, with the one person who completely humiliated her on her first day of school—well apart from _you_ that is!" I shot back at him, my voice rising with every anger-filled word that I spoke until I was yelling.

"Bella doesn't give a shit about me. She has that weasel, _Newton!_" he blurted, resentment twisting his expression again, while the pain behind his eyes remained constant.

I folded my arms and snorted at his remark. "Maybe she'd be better off with _Mike Newton_, but she doesn't want him because she's _in love with YOU_!" I replied, continuing to yell at him, while wanting to start punching him for his own stupidity.

Edward reacted as if I'd slapped him again. He began blinking suddenly confused, his face growing steadily pale. "But … but she went out with him after she was at our house Thursday..." he mumbled, shaking his head to himself as if trying to reassemble the pieces of a puzzle in his head; pieces of a puzzle that up until this moment were in the wrong place.

"I know," I whispered in reply, almost pitying him. How badly he had got it wrong. "I was the one that told her to go. She didn't want to; I told her it'd get her mind off things. She didn't go with _Mike_, Edward, she went with Jake and Nessie. That asshole, Mike, just tagged along," I explained to him, my voice growing with annoyance again. "She likes Mike so much that she was shoving him off her not ten minutes ago when he all but attacked her."

I should _not_ have had to explain! He should have found out the truth before he'd acted!

Edward repositioned himself against the wall, his movements slow and unsteady. He ran his hands through his already disheveled hair, exhaling into a huge shaky sigh. His forehead creased pitifully with sudden pain and remorse; he was obviously beginning to realize the enormity of his mistake.

At that moment, and without warning, the door burst open. I turned half expecting to see Jessica, but it was Jacob and the look on his face was murderous. My heart literally lunged into my throat. He took one look at Edward, stepped inside the room, threw his arm back and punched him squarely in the face with a sickening thud. Edward went sprawling backwards, losing his footing and landing flat on his back.

"_JESUS_!" Edward exclaimed loudly before he sluggishly pulled himself to his feet with the aid of the bed. "Fuck this!"

He stood up shakily, with blood trickling from an obvious deep cut just above his left eye. Jacob took another step closer to him, but I reached out to stop him, grabbing him by the back of his shirt and pulling him back.

"Jacob, don't," I pleaded with him seriously, before adding with a sigh. "You might want to postpone this until Edward isn't so drunk."

I prayed silently that he'd see reason, because there was no way I'd be able to hold him back from beating the crap out of Edward if he wanted to.

He seemed to contemplate it for a moment before he looked back at Edward with a dark, hatred-filled expression. "If you ever come near Bella again—if you so much as look at her by _accident_, I'll be there, _Cullen, _and next time there'll be no family members to help you."

"_Fuck you, Jacob_!" Edward spat back, swaying unsteadily on his feet before slumping into the wall again.

Jacob sneered at him, but turned his back and exited the room without another reply.

"I'm sorry to say this, Edward, but you deserved that," I spoke quietly to him, dropping my eyes to the floor momentarily. It really hurt me to see my brother in this condition; in this much pain.

Edward sighed and turned his head, deliberately avoiding me. His face was pale and his expression distraught—there was no hiding that from me. I could see it not only in his expression, but in his posture. He was defeated.

With his back turned, he put his palm to his eye and withdrew it again to inspect the level of blood. His whole hand was smeared with it. I exhaled into a long weary sigh.

What the hell was I going to do with him?

Jazz bolted in to the room suddenly with an anxious look on his face, but after a quick survey of the scene before him, his expression calmed. "Looks like he got here before me," he mused, more or less to himself. I gave him a funny look and he elaborated, "Bella found Jacob—or more Jacob found Bella, _after_ she found..." he broke off and motioned to Edward with a slight incline of his head.

I sighed and nodded in understanding

"Jesus, douche-bag, you're a mess," Jazz observed, gazing at Edward, his tone only half teasing.

Edward sat himself clumsily down on the edge of the bed and buried his face in his hands. "Fuck you ... Jazmina," was his muffled reply. His words were increasingly slurred and his movements even more sluggish. He was about a minute from unconsciousness.

I turned with guilt-ridden reluctance to Jazz. "I'm going to go to Bella's and see how she is. Can you look after this big idiot for me and make sure he gets home all right?"

Jazz sighed then nodded, pulling his keys from his jeans pocket. "Take my car. I'll get Emmett to take Edward home and I'll drive his Volvo."

I took his keys from him and flashed him a warm, grateful smile, pulling him down to kiss him tenderly. "Thanks, Jazzy. I love you," I whispered into his ear.

Edward slumped suddenly from the bed onto the floor, his eyes closed, as a soft, tortured moan escaped his lips.

Jazz groaned to himself. "I'd better haul his ass to the bathroom," he said with a wary sigh.

I kissed Jazz once more quickly on the cheek before I turned and hurried down stairs and out the front door.

As soon as the icy wind of the open air hit me, I began to become plagued by an unnerving feeling. I shrugged it off contributing it to seeing Edward in the condition he was in; it was only natural that I'd be concerned for him. I left it at that and pushed it to the back of my mind. My main concern at that moment was for Bella, and going from the look on her face as she left the party, I could only imagine the state I'd find _her_ in.

* * *

**A/N: God they're sickening... **


	15. My Brother Edward

**A/N: I have a really bad feeling about this one...**

* * *

**Chapter **

**1****4**

**My Brother Edward**

**Alice's POV**

It took only a few minutes to reach the Swan residence. Bella's jeep was parked out front and her bedroom window was lit up, illuminating the front lawn in a soft glow. Before I got out of the car, I pulled my cell phone out and dialed Jazz. I couldn't shake this horrible feeling, and I knew I wouldn't be able to relax in any kind of sense until my mind was at ease.

"What's up, Alley?" Jazz's deep voice spoke through the receiver after the first ring, with undisguised affection.

I had to push away the star struck sigh that wanted to escape through my lips and concentrate on my concerns at hand. "I'm a bit worried about Edward, Jazz. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, he's okay. Emmett's gonna take him home—when he finishes puking his guts up, that is," Jazz answered with obvious amusement.

I sighed with a twinge of relief despite Edward's present predicament.

"Okay, thanks, Jazzy. I'll talk to you soon." I still didn't feel as assured as I'd hoped.

"Sure thing, gorgeous. Love you."

"Love you too, Jazzy," I replied warmly, managing a small smile despite myself.

As soon as I hung up, my thoughts were back to Bella. I hurried from the car and banged on the front door urgently.

"Bella?" I called to her with concern. I wasn't sure at this point if she'd even open the door for me. I'd wash my hands of the entire Cullen family if I was her.

I heard her footsteps coming down the stairs and knew instantly they were Bella's; they were so inharmonious in relation to her slight frame. I almost chuckled to myself, before the door swung open, and without a word, Bella stepped aside to allow me to enter.

She looked up at me as I brushed passed her, hugging her arms around herself, shuddering—from the cold or her present state of emotion, I couldn't tell. Her face was tearstained and pale, and her deep eyes were reflecting a very significant amount of torment.

Before I had a chance to speak she opened her mouth and spoke quietly, "You knew, didn't you, Alice? That's why you told me to go outside." She wasn't angry like I'd first thought. She wasn't anything; she seemed detached.

I nodded. "I ... saw him, just before Mike..." I explained. There was more I wanted to add but decided against it. I didn't think she'd tolerate me even speaking Edward's name, at this point.

She nodded then attempted a grateful smile. It broke across her face, forced and very fleeting. "Well thanks for trying to protect me, anyway. I guess..."

I put my arm over her drawn shoulders. "Come on, you got any ice cream? I think this calls for _serious_ Baskin-Robbins."

A tub of chocolate chip cookie dough flavored ice cream and a box of tissues later, and Bella all but opened up about her feelings for Edward. It wasn't comforting. As far as I could tell she was wretchedly in love with him and almost just as pissed off.

"I'm hopeless—I never learn!" She huffed angrily, her face clouding slightly before she composed herself again. She looked like she wanted to burst into tears and punch something, simultaneously.

"No you're not, Bella," I replied with gentle vehemence. "I just wish I could tell you why Edward has been acting the way he has lately. The truth is, I don't have the slightest idea," I admitted, exhaling helplessly.

Bella shook her head, almost flinching at the mention of Edward's name. "I can't do it anymore, Alice," she admitted softly, and there was almost a trace of regret in her tone.

"Of course you can't. I totally understand that," I replied, but I was fast becoming distracted. I was finding it increasingly hard to concentrate. The nagging feeling in my mind was slowly turning to dread, and I was suddenly hearing Edward's voice clearly in my mind. There was something wrong—he was telling me he was sorry.

I stood up abruptly, cutting Bella off mid-sentence while she gazed at me in confusion.

"Are you okay, Alice?"

I shook my head, feeling my pulse begin to race with growing anxiety. "I've ... got a really horrible feeling." I looked over at her. "Bella, I just need to call Jazz for a moment, okay?"

She nodded quickly, her expression immediately puckering with concern. I walked into the kitchen dialing as I went. When Jazz answered, the tone of his voice did nothing to ease my fears.

"Jazz, tell me everything is okay?" I blurted anxiously.

There was a pause on the other end and my heart felt like it literally stopped beating.

"Alley, we can't find him," Jazz finally admitted with a somber sigh.

"What do you mean you can't find him—I thought he was out cold?" I demanded, my voice rising with both anger and alarm.

"We thought he was in the bathroom, but when Emmett went in to get him he wasn't there," he explained, but the tone of his voice was alluding to something more.

Something that made my blood run cold in my veins.

"Jazz," I whispered, my tone deadly serious, "please tell me he didn't go anywhere in his car?" There was another pause, and I felt my chest start heaving in and out in sudden panic. "_JAZZ_?!" I cried.

"Alley, don't stress, honey. We think he has—Emmett has gone to check," he answered with reassurance, but I could hear the uncertainty clearly in his voice.

"_Don't stress!_?" I exclaimed incredulously. "Find him, Jazz!" I stressed, close to tears. "Please find him!"

"We will, Alley. I promise," Jazz's tone was soft, but laced with a large degree of pessimism that was clearly evident.

I hung up the phone and dropped my head in my hands, struggling to keep optimistic, but knowing there was something very wrong. I knew it as surely as I stood in Bella's kitchen.

"Alice?" Bella's apprehensive voice from the door way startled me. I looked over at her not realizing that tears were falling freely down my cheeks until just that moment. Hastily I wiped them away, while Bella continued to stare at me her face going so pale I thought she was about to faint. "What happened?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper and wavering.

I shook my head. "I don't know. Edward's gone—they think in his car somewhere," I answered, my voice filling with anguish. I slumped down at the breakfast table feeling my legs going weak and unable to shake the feeling of dread from spreading deeper.

Bella didn't move; she looked like she was unable to. "Alice?" she repeated with a sense of urgency in her voice. "Tell me? What is it?"

I shook my head again. "I don't know, Bella, but I have a terrible feeling that Edward's in trouble," I answered her, my voice coming out in a tremor.

Bella sighed, softly at first then again deeply. "Come on, we'll go look for him," she said finally and with a resolute determination.

When I looked up she was already out the front door—without grabbing her coat. I jumped up quickly and followed her, and by the time I climbed into the front passenger seat, Bella was starting the car's engine. She pulled away; the tires spinning in the gravel noisily.

"Where do you think he'd go, Alice?" she asked me after a moment, breaking the silence.

"Seriously, Bella? I think he might come and see you," I answered her, my eyes scanning through the window out into the darkened Forks streets. I turned to gaze at her seriously, unable to shift the feeling of trepidation that had anchored itself in the pit of my stomach.

She turned to stare at me for a moment with surprise and disbelief, before she hastily looked back to the road and asked in a soft voice, "Why would he come see me?"

"He thought you went on a date with _Newton_, Bella. I don't know what he heard, but somehow he got it in his head. I told him it wasn't true and he realized ... I think," I explained, faltering over my words. I put my palm to my forehead and closed my eyes, trying to calm myself down and think rationally. All I saw was the image of Edward's face as I slapped him. My eyes welled with tears and I bit back a sob, as panic all but flooded my senses.

"Alice!" Bella's tone was stern as she gazed at me frowning. "Stop doing that—you don't know that anything's happened yet!"

"I know. I'm sorry, Bella," I said meekly, sighing, and finding no comfort in her words.

My cell phone suddenly beeped with a message. I opened it hastily; it was a text from Jazz. My heart fell for a moment; I was hoping it was Edward. I clicked it open:

**Alley, just called your house, he's not there, we're still looking, don't worry, he'll be okay.**

I read it and threw my cell back in my purse in frustration. If truth be told, I was starting to get angry that Edward would do this, and make me worry so much.

Bella turned to me with a hopeful expression.

"Jazz. Edward's not at home," I explained flatly.

For the next twenty minutes, Bella and I drove down every back street of Forks finding them dark and undisturbed. We were just about to give up and go back to her house when the next street we turned down, we were immediately confronted by the flashing lights of a police cruiser.

From beside me Bella sucked in her breath, and whispered in a stricken tone, "Oh God..."

For a moment, I couldn't comprehend what was in front of me, but then suddenly it hit me with the force of an explosion. My heart began hammering loudly and erratically within my chest as I stared in disbelieving horror at the scene before us.

I felt sick to my stomach.

It was Emmett's Black Ford F250 that was parked along the side of the road, and on the other side lying in a ditch, the front end of it a wreck of broken and twisted metal, was Edward's Volvo.

"Is that ... Oh my God!" Bella cried again, her voice rising with alarm, but I was already out of the car and running toward what I was convinced was the scene of my brother's death.

Edward was lying on the road almost unrecognizable, with blood covering his face and matting in his hair. He was unconscious, and even from where I was I could see that his skin tone was a horrible gray color. Chief Swan was beside him speaking into his walkie-talkie with his other hand on Edward's wrist, feeling for his pulse; a grave look etched into his worn expression. On the other side was Emmett, and the expression on his face terrified me the most. Never in my life had I ever seen Emmett look so scared.

I screamed Edward's name, hearing it as if it came from outside my consciousness. I tried to run, but my legs felt like leaden weights. I tripped and fell, but before I impacted with the road I was in the grip of a strong pair of arms that held me tightly. I struggled against them, desperately, becoming hysterical, but the arms only encircled around me tighter.

"Alley, honey, baby, it's me! It's me!" Jazz's voice called to me both soothingly and full of dismay from outside my consciousness again. I tried to find him. I looked around for him desperately as the arms enfolded me in a crushing embrace.

I was shaken slightly and then again a little harder, when suddenly I realized it was Jazz's hands that were holding me; it was Jazz's steel blue eyes that were desolate with panic and concern as they gazed at me.

I threw my arms around him, choking with sobs, but not even Jazz's warm embrace could soothe the pain that was like fire in my heart. I again tried to pull from his arms, but he held to me tightly.

"Alley, listen to me!" He pulled me back so he could gaze into my eyes. "Please listen to me!" he pleaded to me his voice going soft.

I nodded numbly and he continued.

"He's breathing. His heart is beating," he spoke slowly and deliberately, his eyes serious but shining in shock and disbelief. It was all I could process—the look of fear in his eyes.

I only nodded again, dazed, then turned to face the horrific scene in front of me; of Edward, the brother I adored, lying motionless on the road. I turned away again and pressed my face into Jazz's chest, wanting desperately to wipe the image from my mind as tears broke through me like knives.

Very tentatively, Jazz walked us over to Edward, his arms still enfolded tightly around me. I clung to him, shaking violently with each step we took. When we reached Edward, I released myself from Jazz's arms and slowly bent down beside him.

His mouth was slightly open and I could hear the air move in and out of his lungs in rasps as his chest rose and fell in rhythm with it. I sighed deeply, feeling such intense relief that I almost burst into fresh tears. Reaching down, I took Edwards hand in mine gently, feeling the slightest pressure from him in return. It was cold.

"Edward?" I spoke his name, my tone gentle and breaking with emotion.

His eyebrows very slowly puckered, before a soft moan escaped his lips. He opened his eyes, only fractionally, but enough for me to see that his entire right eye was sickeningly crimson-red from a burst blood vessel that completely overshadowed his usual green iris.

"I'm sorry, Alice," his voice was hoarse, weak and full of genuine regret.

I shook my head slightly. "It's okay," I insisted tenderly, my voice barely a whisper as tears began slipping hotly down my face. They fell to his chest, mixing with the blood that was soaking into his shirt.

"He's been in and out like this for a few minutes," Emmett spoke up, his voice was grave and slightly trembling.

I looked him squarely in the face. "How could you let him leave, Emmett!?" I accused him in a sharp whisper.

Emmett just shook his head, unable to answer, his expression tortured with guilt.

Angry for a moment, I pushed my tears away, before I turned back to Edward. I pulled the police blanket that was draped over him further up around his shoulders. Under his head Chief Swan had laid his parka, that was already stained with Edward's blood.

"The paramedics should be here very soon," The Chief spoke to me, his deep gruff voice both professional, yet gentle simultaneously.

I only nodded, hearing the faint sound of sirens in the distance already.

Edward was still again and his eyes were closed. I was almost glad not to have to see the horrible condition of his eyes again. Pulling a tissue from my pocket, I began to tentatively wipe the blood from his face. My hands were shaking violently, and it was then that I felt Jazz's hand on my shoulder, squeezing gently. I took a heavy, trembling breath and abandoned myself to the tears, letting them flow in constant steady streaks down my face as I reached up and grabbed his hand. Jazz knelt down behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. I only leaned against him unsteadily, then closed my eyes and allowed the fear and heart ache to conquer me.

"Please God, no..."

"He's going to be okay, Alley," Jazz whispered with sudden determination in my ear.

I only shook my head, wanting desperately to believe him. He wrapped his arms around me more tightly and held me as I clung to my brother's hand, feeling all life from him fade.

The ambulance arrived. I expected the sirens to be on, but the noise of them still surprised me and filled me with a deeper panic. I held tighter to Jazz, who'd pulled me away as the paramedics immediately began to work over Edward, analyzing his condition. They began saying things like _suspected internal injuries, accelerated heart rate and low blood pressure. _I stood numb, helplessly and watched, unable to look away. They loaded Edward on the stretcher, carrying his lifeless body quickly inside the ambulance. The doors were closed in an urgent manner, making me jolt violently, before it transported Edward away, leaving us standing alone in the illuminated lighting of the police cruiser.

"Come on, Alley," Jazz said gently into my ear, moving us slowly forward.

Chief Swan was talking to Emmett, his expression and tone was compassionate, yet serious. "I'm going to need to get statements from you two boys, but it can wait until later."

Emmett nodded then glanced at Jazz and I, his tone grim. "Alley, I-I've spoken to Mom and Carlisle; they're waiting at the hospital."

Emmett rarely called me Alley and not since I'd been sick in hospital. It was like being struck. I had the urge to place both my hands over my ears, but instead, I only nodded absently in reply.

Emmett jumped into his car without another word, and Jazz led us towards it when I stopped him. "Wait, Jazz, I just have to see Bella."

He released his arms from me and I made my way, with precarious steps, back to where Bella's Jeep stood. Chief Swan was beside her, and as I approached, he pulled her into his arms. She was trembling, that was evident enough, even in the semi illumination of her Jeep's headlights.

The moment she saw me, she broke from Billy's embrace and threw her arms around me. She was shaking violently.

"Alice, he's going to okay." It was almost comical, the contrast between her tone and her expression, but she'd spoken with so much conviction that my heart began to ache and tears once again welled behind my eyes. Her expression though, was just as struck with shock and grief as, no doubt, mine was.

I nodded. "Thanks, Bella," I mumbled softly. "Are you going to come to the hospital?"

She immediately paled—at least five shades lighter, then shook her head with sudden panic. She lowered her gaze from mine and stared at the ground for a moment, and when she looked up again, her eyes were shining and conflicted. "Tomorrow?" she asked in terrified whisper, before adding hastily. "But please call me as soon as you know anything, okay?"

I nodded again, feeling my heart sink in disappointment. I understood her fears, but in my own desperate selfishness I wanted her to be there. I knew what it would mean to Edward; her presence could be the very difference between two vastly different outcomes; one of which I would never accept.

Jazz and I rode in the back seat of Emmett's car as he sped to the hospital. I clung to him with all that I had left. My heartbeat was hammering in my ears, and I knew the only thing that was keeping me from sinking into shock at that moment was adrenalin.

"Why was he lying on the road, was he thrown from the car?" I asked Jazz, shuddering. The very idea filled me with horror. I squeezed my eyes shut and sank my face further into his chest.

I felt the motion of Jazz shaking his head and taking a huge breath before he began to explain with delicacy, as though the harsh reality of it would be too much for me to bear. "No, he wasn't, Alley. When we found him he was still conscious. He got out of the car himself, but he collapsed not long after we arrived."

I looked up and my eyes met Emmett's in the rear view mirror. He looked to be, among other contradicting emotions, pissed. He vocalized it a moment later, his tone so angry and low that the tempo of it surprised me.

"When Edward gets out of this, I'm gonna kick his ass into next week! What the fuck was he thinking?"

"I doubt he _was_ thinking, Em." I sighed feeling myself tense with anger in addition to everything else.

Edward knew better; he was smarter than this!

Emmett huffed, his irritation only amplifying. "Did all this have something to do with the whole _Bella thing_ tonight?"

"I think so," I answered him, my tone flat and dull.

Emmett scoffed, shaking his head slightly to himself. "Jeez he's a complicated asshole. What's wrong with him anyhow?"

I shrugged. "Who knows—who knows what goes through his mind these days," I mumbled, though it was more of a reflection.

"It's really not that difficult. You like a girl, you ask her out, you get laid—a few hundred times if you're as uptight as he is."

I felt my lips twitch with amusement and a feeling similar to hope and optimism started to filter through me.

"That's not all it is with Alley and I—" Jazz piped up indignantly, before immediately breaking off realizing the error of his admission; without mentioning the glare Emmett was giving him through the rear vision mirror.

I grinned broadly; it was astonishing what just a single smile could do in relation to your hope. I was suddenly feeling like I had bucketful's of it, where as just a few minutes earlier I was drowning with despair.

I squeezed Jazz's hand gently, then entwined my fingers through his; he kissed the top of my head in response. Releasing my breath, I closed my eyes momentarily and leaned against him.

Edward was _going_ _to be_ ok.

"Is that so?" Emmett retorted. "Don't think we still aren't going to talk about _that_ either?"

Jazz scoffed caustically. "Please," he snorted, "just knowing what you and my sister get up to is payback enough!"

"Emmett, give it up," I added dryly, rolling my eyes.

Emmett's eyes narrowed darkly, but he didn't reply.

"I swear watching this whole Edward, Bella thing play out is like watching a really bad daytime soap opera." My tone was dry as a loud exaggerated sigh escaped my lips.

"Yeah, "Emmett muttered without humor, "like sand through the fucking hourglass. Maybe if Bella just gave him a good bludge, he wouldn't be in this shit," he added with a small smirk lighting up across his face.

I smiled again, grateful Emmett was creating a light-hearted atmosphere. It was infectious and talking about Edward in the context we were kept the hope in me alive.

However, the moment we entered the emergency room the enormity of it hit me, with all my hope and optimism vanishing in an instant.

Carlisle was embracing mom, who was pale and sobbing in his arms. My heart practically stopped beating, and I felt myself going faint as Jazz's arms quickly encircled around me, all but holding me on my feet. It was something about the expression on Carlisle's face; I'd seen it before. It took only a moment to realize when, and the air immediately exploded from my lungs, leaving me gasping for breath.

The only time I'd ever seen that look on his face was during my blackest days of chemo, before the bone marrow transplant from Edward. When they weren't sure I was going to make it.

"Alley, calm down!" Jazz was saying anxiously in my ear.

Clinging desperately to him, I buried my face against his chest, breathlessly sobbing; too terrified to move.

"Just hang on to me, baby," Jazz whispered into my ear, gently easing me closer.

I peeked over at mom and Carlisle; he was sitting her down in one of the chairs in the ER, before he disappeared through two huge swinging doors. Emmett sat down next to her, took hold of her hand and spoke to her.

Stubbornly pulling myself from Jazz's embrace, I grabbed his hand and walked with faint, shaky steps over to where my mother sitting.

She looked up as we approached and smiled at me bravely through her obvious pain and anguish. "Alley, are you okay, sweetheart?"

"No," I whispered, collapsing into her arms and again breaking into a torrent of tears.

She soothed me gently, holding back her own tears that I knew were hovering just below the surface. "He'll be okay, sweetheart. I know in my heart he will."

I nodded clinging to her for a moment longer, before I sat myself back, wiping my tear stained face with the palms of my hands. "What did Carlisle say?"

She took her handkerchief from her handbag and dried my tear sodden face with it tenderly. I looked up and met her gaze, her eyes were tortured and despondent, but with a beacon of hope in them. "He's waiting for Edward to finish getting tests then he's going to come and tell us."

I sighed suddenly impatient. "What does he think, though? I saw his face, mom. I know he knows something."

She paused for a moment, her forehead creasing slightly. "Just that he's worried about internal bleeding." I knew she was withholding more. It was the way she did not fully meet my gaze, her eyes flickering away cautiously.

"Mom!" I pleaded her, my voice jarring, on the verge of another flood of tears.

"Alice, sweetheart, he doesn't know for sure. He's waiting for the test results. Once we know them we'll go from there." Her tone was unwavering in her conviction. "Be brave, honey, okay?"

I sighed shakily and nodded in defeat.

I sat down next to mom in one of the hard plastic ER chairs. Jazz immediately sat on the other side of me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, pulling me against him. I rested my head on his chest inhaling and exhaling deeply, trying in vain to get some control over my emotions and find some hope again.

In the next moment I bolted upright. Jazz was covered in blood!

"Alley, what is it?"

My breathing hitched in my lungs. "What happened to you?" I exclaimed anxiously.

For a moment he didn't understand, he just shook his head bewildered, his forehead knotting, his eyes burning with confusion.

"Jazzy, were you hurt?" I asked him, my tone rising again almost hysterically.

A light of recognition suddenly ignited behind his eyes, before he shook his head. "I'm okay, Alley. It's not my blood, it's—" he stopped abruptly before he could finish saying what I already knew.

"It's Edward's," I answered softly in resignation.

He sighed deeply, nodding.

I took a shaky breath and nodded in return; fully grasping the truth. I wasn't sure if knowing it made me feel better or worse, but I couldn't lie in Jazz's arms while Edward's blood was all over him.

I made him take off his sweater right there in the emergency department, and Jazz being Jazz obliged willingly, before he enfolded his arms around me again, holding me against him.

Carlisle returned not long after, his face drawn and solemn. My heart jarred and I immediately felt myself tense in Jazz's arms.

Mom was already on her feet, wringing her hands nervously. He sighed and sat her down again, handing her the coffee he'd carried out with him.

When he spoke he addressed us all, "Firstly the CT scan shows that Edward has a ruptured spleen—"

Mom drew her breath in hastily, her hand flying to her mouth in fear.

"Honey, he needs emergency surgery on it, but we are very lucky it wasn't his kidneys or his liver," he paused to make sure mom completely comprehended exactly what he was saying before he continued. "He's being prepped for surgery; we need you to sign a few consent forms. It's a fairly straight forward procedure. They're only partially removing it and it shouldn't take longer than an hour," he explained gently, though his eyes were unable to shield us from the graveness of the situation.

Mom nodded. "What else, Carlisle," she asked, her voice determined.

"The underlying problem at the moment is his spleen. However, he does have two broken ribs, a compound fracture of the skull and some swelling on the brain. They'll address that with you once he's through surgery," Carlisle answered her in a calm, yet sedate manner.

He took out a consent form from inside his coat, handing it to mom. She signed it immediately and handed it back to him. Carlisle handed it to a triage nurse who disappeared with it through the emergency room doors.

"Carlisle?" I spoke up, my voice shaking and barely audible. "Is Edward going to be okay?"

He paused for a moment and my heart sank with dread. Jazz squeezed my hand beside me, but I barely registered it.

"Alice..." he paused as if pondering his words before he spoke them, "we don't know what his outcome will be yet. The next twenty-four hours are going to be critical, but his chances are good for his injury." His eyes remained sincere, and I knew it was the best he could offer at this point of time.

I nodded, resigned.

Carlisle stayed with mom while we waited for Edward to come out of surgery. During that time Rosalie came and took Emmett into her arms in such an intimate display of affection that I was both touched and surprised. They wandered off to find a coffee machine a moment later, with Jazz and I following not long after.

When we returned back to the ER waiting room, Edward was just coming out of surgery. Carlisle walked back into the waiting room, explaining that Edward had come through the surgery without any complications. His expression remained somber, his tone staid, and he quickly continued as I held steadfast to Jazz, "He's in ICU, we needed to put him in an induced coma. He has pretty significant swelling in the brain, and it's the only way to prevent him further trauma and to allow the brain to heal. His vitals are strong, but I'm afraid all we can really do now is wait."

Mom dropped into the chair and cried softly. I'd seen her expression, how it brightened in relief before falling immediately into despair. Carlisle sat next to her taking her into his arms and whispering that it wasn't as grave as it sounded, and that it was just standard procedure for Edward's kind of accident.

I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head not wanting to hear any more. Faintness washed through me, my breath quickened and became shallow as I heaved air in and out of my lungs. Jazz pulled me against his chest; I buried my face there, hoping to find a release from the horrendous reality of what was happening.

I couldn't.

"Carlisle, I want to see him!" mom spoke up with sudden conviction, drying her eyes with the handkerchief Carlisle had handed to her.

He nodded, before he turned to me. "What about you, Alice?" he asked me gently.

I nodded, overwhelmed with sudden uncertainty. "Take mom in first," I replied barely able to find my voice.

Carlisle led her through the ER doors, where she returned several minutes later shaken and pale, but with a positive resolve shining from behind her eyes.

"Okay, honey," she said softly to me with an encouraging smile.

I wasn't prepared to see Edward in the condition he was in. I had a picture in my mind of what to expect, but still the brutal truth of it brought me almost to my knees. Carlisle quickly grabbed a chair for me and sat me in it, as I bent my head into my hands trying to desperately pull myself out of the wave of dizziness and nausea.

Edward was lying attached to a respirator that blew artificial air in and out of his lungs noisily, his chest rising and falling mechanically along with it. His head was bandaged, and the cut above his eye was covered with gauze. He was bare-chested, covered with heart monitors while his left ribs were horrifically bruised and swollen. He was deathly pale, and the only thing that told me he was still alive was the constant and rhythmical beeping from the machine beside him.

I shuddered violently, my chest aching horribly as it heaved with painful sobs.

"Don't you dare think about leaving me, Edward!" I pleaded with him helplessly. "Not when you were the one who kept _me _here."

I stayed with Edward, keeping a vice-like, determined grip on his hand until Carlisle had to practically forcibly remove me. I felt ashamed that mom was so calm where as I had completely fallen apart, but never in my life would I ever forget the sight of Edward the way he was tonight. It would haunt my dreams and plague my mind until my dying days.

Mom insisted that we go home and get some rest. Not that any of us would sleep that night, or many nights that would follow, but we went home regardless. Jazz stayed with me, even though he, like the rest of us, was close to being dead on his feet.

We were in the kitchen drinking hot chocolate. I was fast beginning to feel the effects of shock infiltrate through me, when my phone started vibrating from inside my jacket; I'd completely forgotten it was there. I pulled it out and turned it on with flat sluggish movements, feeling as though my brain was disconnected from my body.

"Who is it, Alley?" Jazz asked me gently.

"It's Bella," I replied.

* * *

**A/N: :(  
This is the end of Alice's pov in this story. I hope you enjoyed what she had to say, even though it was pretty hard to write, and thanks for reading.**


	16. Facing Your Fears

**A/N: writing Bella always makes me feel slightly . . . bi polar. Anywho, she's a delicate soul and all that. . . Go easy on her.**

* * *

**Chapter 15**

**Facing Your Fears**

**Bella's POV**

It was almost midnight. I was lying on my bed listening to the sound of the rain pelting on the roof shingles, but I was finding no solace in it like I usually did. I was distracted and struggling to comprehend the night's events, and the rain was becoming white noise. I didn't want to think about any of it; it was too overwhelming, and as usual, I felt too small and completely helpless. The world was spinning just as chaotically as it always did, and I was exhausted.

Dropping my forehead to my palm, I squeezed my eyes shut, just as an image of his face flashed behind my eyes, causing my heart to immediately falter. But taking a deep, weary breath I pushed him from my thoughts.

I didn't want to go there.

It was so tempting to surrender myself to the oblivion of sleep—if I could manage to fall asleep, that is; which I doubted. I would have even chosen the comfort of tears but they wouldn't come either.

Straightening up, I gazed agonisingly at the time on my iPod dock for the umpteenth time. Only five minutes had passed since I'd last checked. I was sure it'd slowed down just to torture me, and was suddenly overcome with the urge to pick it up and hurl it through the window. I was angry, and I wanted to stay angry, but I couldn't, because nothing could distract me from the fact that I still hadn't heard from Alice.

I still didn't know if he was going to be okay. . .

If I wasn't scared beyond all reasoning and able to put two coherent words together, I would have called her. It's not like I hadn't tried; I had—at least a dozen times. But I hadn't been able to get past pulling my brand new _cell phone _out of my pocket and switching it on, before I became engulfed by an all too familiar panic. A panic that had me dropping the phone as if it was burning my hands; a panic that reminded me of the reality I was never going to be able to escape.

That I was going to lose Kel, and Edward. . .

Edward. . .

Seeing him lying on the road, unconscious and bleeding had felt like a ten mega ton bomb had ripped through my chest. I'd stood with a white knuckled grip on the open door of my car as I fought desperately to keep my consciousness intact. My lungs burned as I drew the freezing air sharply into them, while my mind was screaming _not Edward too! _Every instinct that welled deep inside me awoke in that instant and told me to run, but I didn't; I couldn't. I kept my eyes glued to the horrendous scene in front of me and faced my nightmare head on.

Inhaling deeply, I expelled it in frustration, before switching my phone back on and staring at Alice's name in my contacts.

I found myself wishing that the worst that had happened tonight was walking in on Edward and Jessica. That I could deal with; anger had always been easier for me—it helped me stay in control when there was otherwise none, but it wasn't anger that was ripping me apart; nor was it seeing Jessica and Edward together.

Taking deep even breaths and closing my eyes again, I willed myself to find the courage. It was Renee's face that flashed in the back of my mind this time, smiling with smug over confidence before I heard her voice as it echoed in the dark recesses of my memory.

_You were always piss-weak, Bella._

I flinched, my eyes flying open, my face flushing angrily. It was something Renee had often said to me.

I allowed the anger to completely consume me, when I soon realised it was directed at me and not at her. Because at that moment, and for the first time in my life, she had it exactly right!

I pressed Alice's number with a newly acquired determination, ignoring my stomach as it twisted itself into knots, and waited for her to answer.

"Hi, Bella."

My heart quickened; she sounded terrible.

"Alice," I spoke, barely able to find my voice, "how . . . how's. . ." I was unable to finish; panic was tightening its grip on me again.

And I couldn't hear it.

"He's not good, Bella," Alice replied, her hoarse voice breaking softly.

My breath hitched, while my heart continued to thud so rapidly within me that I was beginning to feel light headed. Clutching at my chest instinctively, I opened my mouth to reply, but no words came out.

"Oh God, Bella—it's my fault!" Alice suddenly cried, her voice rising with an unimaginable anguish.

"It's _not_ your fault, Alice!" I insisted passionately, shaking my head as if to validate it, and as I spoke these words they were echoed by someone on the other end of the line. Jazz, I was guessing.

"It is!" Alice persisted. "I could have explained it to him! That's all it would have taken. Instead, I blamed everything on him. I slapped him, I let Jacob beat him up"—

_Jacob?_

—"and I walked out on him when he fell unconscious!" she stopped, her sobs becoming uncontrollable, her sharp breathing causing static in the reception. I could hear Jazz comforting her in the background as my mind began to race to comprehend her words.

Jacob had beat up Edward?

I was just absorbing the idea of it, feeling my jaw clench with sudden anger, when Alice spoke up again. "Bella, _please_, can you come to the hospital to see him?"

With my heart again reacting in panic, I shook my head hastily, but didn't answer.

"Please, Bella. He needs you," her voice was husky; she sounded so hurt and afraid; I knew I couldn't deny her anything, but. . .

I took a heavy breath, trying to find some way around it; trying to find a scrap of courage that I hoped still existed within me. But it was futile; I was a coward. "Alice . . . I . . . please don't—"

"Bella!" Her tone was suddenly hard. "This is my _brother_! He could _die_! If he ever meant _anything_ to you, _please_ do this!"

But the very idea of going to the hospital was causing an overwhelming fear to take hold of me. "I . . . I . . . can't . . . Alice . . . I. . ." I stammered, unable to finish the sentence, and feeling horribly ashamed of myself.

"Fuck you, Bella!" Alice spat, before she hung up.

Dropping the phone from my ear, I blinked back the shock and guilt, allowing the air to gush from my lungs. I'd barely breathed for the most part of the conversation, because again, I'd pathetically allowed fear to control me.

And I'd let Alice down.

My mother was right; I was weak, and I was a coward.

Sighing deeply, wishing I could just surrender to the emotion that was burning in my throat, but still the tears refused to come.

Of course I wanted to see Edward. What I couldn't face was the brutal reminder of what was happening to my best friend. I'd tried so hard not to focus on it for so long that the thought of being confronted by the reality of it scared the life out of me.

More importantly, I didn't want to have to face the fact that Edward could very well die as well, because he _did_ mean something to me. . .

**. . . **

The sound of Jake's boisterous, semi drunken laughter instantly pulled me out of my brooding thoughts, just as Alice's words immediately echoed in my mind.

_I let Jacob beat him up._

Pulling myself up from my bed with a sudden angry determination, I made my way down stairs.

"Hey, Bells!" he greeted me brightly as I stepped into the kitchen. "You feeling better now?"

I shook my head, feeling my expression darken. "What the hell did you do to Edward, Jake?" I demanded, ignoring his question.

He was about to take a gulp of milk straight from the carton, when he paused and turned back to me, his expression reflecting his confusion. "I sorted him out, Bells. He deserved it," he answered with a nonchalant shrug.

"He's in hospital—you idiot!" I snapped angrily, reaching up to run my hand down my face in a vain attempt to quell my anger. "For once, Jacob, would you _stop_ using me as an excuse to get back at Edward!"

"Jeez, Bells, lighten up, would ya. So he'll get a couple of stitches," he replied, taking a gulp of milk and half rolling his eyes just as Uncle Billy walked into the kitchen.

"Actually, Jake, it's a little more serious than that. Edward was in a car accident," he relayed quietly, a tired, troubled look etched into his features, before turning to me, offering up a warm smile. "How are you, Bella? Are you okay?"

I nodded, but I wasn't. I was far from it.

"No shit?" Jake said surprised, raising his eyebrows as he gave it weight, continuing quickly as Uncle Billy pointed a warning finger at him. "Well, Bells, that's what happens when you mess with a Swan, huh?"

I only stared at him incredulous and in disbelief.

"That's not funny, Jake. Edward's very sick. He's on life support and could very well lose his life," Billy explained gravely with an edge of anger.

I watched Jake's face grow serious as Billy's words seeped slowly into my consciousness, when all of a sudden my ears began to ring. In the next instant, I was in the grip of a full-blown panic attack. My chest went tight as though my lungs were in an iron grip. I couldn't breathe, and as I gasped desperately for air, I began violently trembling.

Squeezing my eyes shut, trying to shut out the madness, I placed both my hands over my ears, shaking my head back and forth while my lungs steadfastly refused to inflate.

Edward!

Two pairs of large hands suddenly grabbed hold of me, before I was dragged over to a chair.

"Bella, just calm down. Breathe slowly," my uncle instructed me with a soothing, yet commanding tone, before thrusting a glass of water in my hands.

I could hear the alarm in his voice, but I couldn't see him. I could only see Kel and Edward on the side of a dark, damp road; dying.

Then just as quickly as it started, my panic shifted and gave way to broken, breathless sobs. The tears had finally come, but I found no comfort in them; the only thing I could comprehend was the overwhelming fear that I was losing everyone around me, and I had no control over anything.

Billy managed to force the water down my throat, as I choked and spluttered on it, but eventually, the panic began to loosen its grip on me. Taking deep, repeated breaths, I slowly felt my body unlock and my racing pulse slow.

"Are you okay now, Bella?" Billy asked me, gazing intently at me, his eyes scanning my face with a deeply etched concern.

I nodded, clumsily wiping away my tears, before taking a small, tentative sip of water. The panic had passed but it had completely exhausted me.

"I think you're in shock, Bella. It's been a rough couple of weeks and what happened tonight would've been stressful enough for anyone." Billy continued to scrutinise me with weary concerned eyes that had lost their alarm and had turned warm.

"What did you see, Bells? Were you there?" Jake's voice was excited.

I ignored him with an irritated jerk of my shoulders, before turning to Billy. He was glaring at Jake with impatience.

"I might just go to bed, Uncle Billy." My voice was little more than a whisper; it was all I could manage.

He nodded and sighed, turning back to Jake. "Help Bella upstairs, Jake, and for God's sake try not to say anything stupid."

"I'm okay," I said quietly, standing up and trying to disguise the fact that my knees were buckling beneath me. "I've got to talk to Alice first, but then I'm going to bed."

Jake followed me upstairs, looking sheepish and uncomfortable. "Jeez, Bells, I'm really sorry. I mean, I know Cullen and I don't get along, but I wouldn't wish that on him."

"Don't worry about it, Jake," I mumbled, feeling irritation creep up my spine at the sound of his voice; something that usually had the opposite effect on me.

He sighed, but didn't reply.

Reaching out, I gripped the doorknob to my bedroom about to enter, before turning back to him. "Well, see you in the morning."

"Goodnight, Bells . . . and . . . tell Alice I hope Cullen gets better soon," he muttered, shifting awkwardly, his gaze breaking from mine.

"Edward—his name is _Edward, _Jake!" I snapped as anger broke the surface again. "Bloody hell!" And stepping inside my room, I slammed the door on him.

Huffing to myself, I paced back and forth across the room before guilt began to inevitably plague me. Taking a heavy wavering breath, I opened the door again; Jake was still standing on the other side of it looking awkward and unsure of himself, his expression downcast.

When he met my gaze, he flashed me a remorseful, uneasy grin, and impulsively, I reached up and threw myself into his massive arms, hugging him tightly.

"I'm sorry, Jake. I didn't mean to take it out on you. You know how much I love you," I promised him, my voice breaking softly.

It wasn't Jacob's fault, after all.

"Aw jeez, Bells," he mumbled, sheepishly, before releasing me from his mammoth embrace. "Go and call Alice, and tell her _Edward _has to get better, 'cause the next move is his." He immediately broke into a cheeky smirk; I could only scoff in good humour.

"Okay. Thanks, Jake," I replied warmly, breaking into a soft chuckle.

**. . . **

Pitifully, it still took me a good ten minutes to call Alice. Each time I got close, panic tightened its grip on me again, but I knew I was being ridiculous and had to get control of myself. I had to see Edward, I had to know if he was okay, and I _had_ to be there for Alice.

Grabbing my phone in a final fit of determination, I called her; keeping my focus on her and solely her.

She answered almost immediately, her voice that was obviously hoarse from crying, was flat, dull. "Bella," she said quietly, but that was as far as I let her speak.

"Alice, I'm so sorry!" I exclaimed, my voice thickening with shame. "_Of course _I will come and see Edward—as soon as you want me there. It's . . . it's just. . ."

She sighed, sounding dejected.

"I know, Bella. I understand how hard it's going to be for you, but thank you." Her voice was almost inaudible in its softness. It was heartbreaking to hear.

"Thanks, Als," I said softly. "I'm sorry about before. I just panicked."

"I'm sorry as well. I'm just . . . so scared for him, Bella." Her fractured voice wavered and then broke. It was almost too much for me to bear, and it brought me right back to the brink of tears.

Alice made plans with me for her and Jazz to pick me up at ten o'clock the next morning. Jazz had to pick up his car, after all; it was still parked out in front of the house.

I accepted that I was going to the hospital, but I refused to probe into it any deeper than that, or associate it with Kel. It wouldn't do me any good, and I'd be useless the next day if I was on the verge of another panic attack.

After saying goodbye to Alice, I headed into the hall to have a shower before bed. My face was itchy from crying, and I hated sleeping while I was still wearing makeup. It reminded me of Renee and all the mornings she woke up looking god-awful, with her mascara running down her face; immediately evoking the image of her in my mind. I shuddered.

I wasn't her!

Afterwards, I tiptoed back to my room with my toiletries bag under my arm, careful not to disturb Billy and Jacob. But naturally, after closing my bedroom door behind me, I turned and immediately caught my toe on the edge of the rug. I stumbled forward, sending the contents of my little canvas toiletries bag scattering across the timber floor.

Huffing out my breath loudly, with angry frustration, I bent down to pick it back up. I was half way under my bed retrieving my toothbrush, when out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of something pink. As I reached out to grab it, my heart froze in my chest, and springing quickly back to my feet, I found myself staring down at one of Edward's pink pens.

Before I was even aware of them, tears began spilling down my cheeks, blurring my vision. So clutching the pen in my hand, I brought it to my face, closing my eyes and completely surrendered myself.

Edward's smiling, ridiculously handsome face flashed clearly in my mind, and I faltered, surprised by the reaction I had to it—that I _still_ had to him even now.

Sitting on my bed, with a defeated sigh, I allowed my thoughts to wander back to him, to every word he'd ever spoken to me, until I was reminded of the pain in his eyes the last time I spoke to him. How angry he'd been, but how even more hurt he was, as his eyes bored intently into mine.

I'd hurt him, and at the time I just thought he was being irrational, but it was obvious now.

I should never have gone out with Mike in tow knowing that he had feelings for me. I'd made it clear that we were friends only, but what was Edward supposed to think? Mike had followed me around like a bloody lost puppy; anyone who seen us would've assumed he was there with me.

Angela had confessed to me at the party tonight that Ben had told Edward I went on a date with Mike Thursday night—after I'd come home from confessing my deepest fears to Edward. It explained his reaction Friday afternoon, but what was worse was hearing how Edward had reacted after Ben had told him. He'd felt betrayed.

Of course, he could have just as easily asked me himself instead of jumping to conclusions, but I know now that my actions had in part led to what had happened to him. If I'd had an ounce of a spine I would have explained it all to him Friday afternoon before any of this could have happened. He'd been there for me when no one else was; in return I could have set him straight—even if I remained angry at him.

Edward was hovering close to death in a hospital bed because I had allowed him to believe a lie!

Without letting go of my grip on the pen, I crawled under the covers of my bed. With guilt tearing at the fabric of my soul, I cried myself into a restless sleep, full of dark, disturbing dreams. Dreams of what happened tonight, replaying through my subconsciousness; of Edward bloodied and unconscious lying on the side of the road. Until it was no longer Edward I was seeing, but Kel.

I woke up several times during the night, clutching my chest and gasping for air, with sweat plastering my shirt to my body. But when I fell back to sleep, the dreams continued, relentlessly, haunting me with the knowledge that my past was catching up with the present, and both were crumbling down around me.

**. . .**

Alice and Jazz arrived just before ten; Alice looked terrible. As soon as I opened the door to her I threw my arms around her, squeezing her tightly.

"Stop it, Bella. You'll make me cry again," she said softly, her thick, croaky voice catching.

I released her just as Jazz took my place, pulling her against him.

The two of them were pale, their eyes red rimmed and bloodshot, but there was something else in Alice's expression that I both understood and recoiled from. There was an overwhelming fear reflected in her eyes, while her expression was all but broken and helpless.

My heart ached for her. I knew her pain more than I wished I did.

"How . . . is he?" I asked with trepidation.

"No change," she replied, releasing her breath softly and turning her eyes from mine as they welled with tears.

I nodded, swallowing thickly and commanding I hold it together. I began to feel the whispers of panic again, and my stomach began to knot. I hadn't eaten breakfast, which was making me feel light headed, but I knew it probably wouldn't be the smartest thing to do; to see Edward in his current condition with a full stomach.

"You ready to go?" Alice asked me quietly, flashing me a sad but encouraging smile. It was important to her that I be there for Edward, and I'd do it for her, even if it was the last place in the world I wanted to be.

I only nodded in reply.

I sat in the back seat of Jazz's car mentally preparing myself for what I was about to witness, reminding myself repeatedly that it wasn't some dark omen of Kel. At the very least I needed to see Edward and know that he wasn't suffering, and maybe it would reassure me that Kel wasn't either. . .

When we pulled up at the hospital, I closed my eyes, willing myself to stay strong. I could do it. I could support Alice, and be here for Edward, and I could face the reality of what was happening with my best friend.

Only, I was fooling no one.

When I opened my eyes again, they met with the pale blue of Jazz's, who was gazing at me through his rear vision mirror, his brow furrowed.

"You okay, Bella? You look a little green."

I only nodded, throwing him a tight smile.

Turning around in her seat, Alice gazed at me with concern woven into her grief stricken eyes. "It's okay to be freaked, Bella."

"I-I'm okay—really," I lied, stammering and struggling to keep my voice even, but only becoming frustrated in myself.

I was acting ridiculous. Life was cruel, and no one knew that better than me. I'd faced it for seventeen years of my life, and at the same time, I knew it wouldn't kill me.

Taking a final determined breath, I exited the car and walked with shaky legs beside Alice and Jazz into the building, but as we exited the elevator to the Intensive Care Unit, my heart skidded to a halt. I faltered, and was in the midst of an internal struggle that had me on the verge of fleeing the building, when Jazz reached over, grabbed my hand and pulled me along with him and Alice.

When we rounded the corner, approaching the nurse's station, I spied two people talking together, their mannerisms and expressions serious. The attractive woman with the hair colour almost identical to Edward's was undoubtedly his mother.

As we approached, she turned her attention toward us, lines of worry ingrained in her forehead. Alice released herself from Jazz's arms to throw herself into her mother's embrace.

"How is he?" Alice asked a moment later, turning her attention to the blond doctor that I could only assume was Alice's stepfather.

"He's doing okay, Alice. His vitals are strong, and the swelling to his brain has already decreased. If it continues in a few days we'll bring him out of the coma. We'll know more then, but so far things are looking positive." He smiled at her warmly, though it didn't reflect in his eyes; they remained staid and serious.

Alice only exhaled deeply, a smile almost lighting up across her face in return.

"That's Esme's husband, Dr Mason," Jazz explained softly, leaning down to me.

I only nodded, not really hearing him. I was too immersed by what the doctor had just told Alice.

Edward was going to be brought out of his coma, without there being any speculation as to his brain activity or the possibility of turning off machines?

I was trying to digest this information when Alice turned her mother in my direction, and as I met Esme's gaze, a warm smile lit up on her face. She looked so incredibly like Edward that it was almost uncanny.

"Mom, this is Bella," Alice said in introduction.

"Of course. How are you, Bella?" she spoke with the same smooth, soothing voice, before leaning over to hug me tenderly.

I reacted instantly, going almost instinctively tense. In fact, my first instinct was to take a step away from her to avoid her completely. When Renee got this close to me it never ended well, and it certainly never began with a hug.

She squeezed my shoulders gently as I stood stock still with my arms at my sides, before releasing me again. She didn't seem to notice, or rather was polite enough to overlook, my weird reaction.

"It's so lovely that you came to see Edward," she spoke softly with a gentle tone as a moment of pain flickered in her eyes.

I nodded, swallowing again to find my voice. "I-It's nice to meet you . . . Mrs Cullen?" I stammered, feeling my cheeks flush brazenly.

She broke into a grin. "My _mother in law_ is Mrs Cullen," she paused and lightly pulled a face. I smiled. "Call me Esme, Bella."

Edward, behind her smile, behind her eyes. He was practically her clone.

"O-Okay," I stammered, but it was the only word I could think to say.

Esme turned to Jazz then, speaking to him with affection, placing her hand tenderly on his cheek.

I only looked down at my feet awkwardly, when Alice came to stand beside me, linking her arm through mine. When I looked up to meet her gaze, she smiled, and for the first time her eyes were lighting up with hope. I found myself smiling back, warmed by her optimism.

"You ready to go in?" she asked.

I nodded, taking a huge shaky breath in.

The hospital policy for ICU patients was family only, but since Alice's step-father was a residing doctor, and after hearing her explain to him that I was a _special _friend of Edward's, I was allowed to accompany her to see him.

I walked apprehensively with trembling limbs into the room behind Alice, hearing the machines—the whooshing of the respirator, and the beeping of the heart monitor—before I saw them.

Slowly and fearfully, I forced myself to look over at the hospital bed, and the moment my eyes fell on Edward my heart felt like it almost literally stopped.

He was lying pale and unmoving, attached to all those god-awful machines; his body battered and bruised.

He looked horrendous!

Alice turned to me, her expression alarmed. "Bella, are you okay?"

I took a clumsy step backwards, feeling like I was suddenly suffocating. Expelling the air from my lungs, that I was unaware I'd been holding, I hastily looked around for something to grab hold of to anchor myself. There was nothing, so I leaned up against the wall, closing my eyes tightly, while my hammering heart pushed the panic through my body.

"Are you all right, Bella?" I heard Alice ask me again, her voice echoing in my mind.

I nodded weakly and opened my eyes slowly. "I'm okay. I feel a little faint, but I'm. . ." I left it unspoken; I was nauseated and speaking only made it worse.

"Take your time." I heard Alice's voice again as though it was floating through the air, independent of her.

Taking several even, measured breaths, I opened my eyes and allowed them to again rest on Edward. He remained lifeless, his chest rising and falling robotically under the respirator, while his heart beeped away through the machines, as though it was counting down. I shook my head to myself trying to rid myself of the faintness, and the fact that it was Kel I was suddenly seeing, hooked up to these machines, keeping her alive, when it was so obvious she wasn't anymore. . .

I closed my eyes again, dropping my head into my palms

Alice grabbed one of my hands, pulling it away from my face; she was saying something to me, her eyes were sympathetic, but I couldn't really hear her. Leading me slowly to Edward, she let go of my hand again to bend over and kiss him gently on the forehead. He was so still; the only movement was his chest as his lungs expanded and expelled air with each whoosh of the respirator.

I found myself staring at the cut above his eye—the cut my cousin had caused—and a burst of anger swept through me, instantly drowning out my panic and returning some of my equilibrium. I tried to hold on to it as I sat in the chair beside his bed, pulling myself together long enough to tentatively reach out and touch his hand. Only, the minute my fingers came into contact with his skin, I withdrew my hand quickly as if it burnt me, but in reality it was the complete opposite. It was cool. Edward was normally so warm, even hot. I would often feel the heat emanating from him constantly. But now . . . he was so cold.

Tears sprang to my eyes. The sight of him lying so helpless and vulnerable seemed like some kind of blasphemy; the same blasphemy that was being committed against my best friend in Australia.

And I couldn't bear it.

"Alice, I have to get out of here!" I blurted, before springing from the chair and hastily leaving the room.

Jazz caught up with me as I was about to get into the lift. I had no idea what I was doing or where I was going, just that I had to escape that horrible little room, with the beeping machines and Edward's lifeless body lying so still.

Jazz's powers of persuasion were even greater than Edward's, or maybe I was just that pathetic, because he had me walking back to the ICU with him, his arm wrapped around my shoulders in support, before I could object to it.

In truth, I wanted to be there for Alice; the only thing I was sure of was that I couldn't go back into that room.

Esme sat with me on a chair beside the nurse's station as Jazz went in to see Edward with Alice. Esme reached out and gently took my hand, and again I almost flinched. But she had an incredible soothing affect over me and as she squeezed my hand tenderly I began to relax into the chair, allowing myself to calm.

"It's okay to feel this way, Bella. It's completely understandable," she spoke gently to me, her blue-green eyes so much like Edward's, but so different at the same time.

"I'm sorry. I let him down. I let Alice down. . ." I inhaled back a flood of shameful tears and looked down at the warm hand that held onto mine.

"Of course you didn't. Alice told me about your close friend in Australia. I hope you don't mind?" she asked softly her eyes penetrating like Edward's only with tenderness and compassion.

I shook my head, no.

"I can only imagine what it must be like for you to have another friend in the same situation. So please don't beat yourself up, Bella."

I nodded lightly, contemplating her words. Was Edward even my friend? Was he more? Less . . . ?

I didn't know what I felt any more, just that where Edward was concerned, I felt a whole lot of it.

**. . .**

An hour later, Alice, Jazz and I were sitting in the small courtyard just off the hospital cafe. We sat basking in the very rare presence of the sun, drinking disgusting hospital filtered coffee and eating hot chips—_fries_!

The temperature was still below what I was used to in the Australian winter months, but I still found myself longing for the clouds and rain again. I needed no reminders of Australia at the moment, and the rain in Forks was constant, dependable. . .

Alice and Jazz sat with their chairs angled towards each other, sitting as close as they could possibly get, with their arms entwined around one another. Alice was smiling as she tilted her head towards the sky.

"He's going to be fine. I know in my soul he is," she whispered and closed her eyes dropping her head further back.

Jazz leaned in to kiss her at the base of her throat murmuring something unintelligible into her skin, before I looked hastily away.

As they slopped over one another for several more minutes, I took a moment to contemplate seeing Edward. I felt defeated. The panic had all but dissipated and what I was left with was shame. I'd barely managed five minutes with him before I'd fled the room. I had become more pathetic since living in Forks than I had been in Australia.

When I focused my attention back to Alice and Jazz, Alice was already gazing at me, her eyes full of compassion and understanding. "Bella, you did okay. You faced your demons and you made it to see Edward."

I flashed her a warm, grateful smile, but it was fleeting; I felt feeble and ashamed of myself.

"I know it's a bit heavy at the moment, but maybe you can come back when he wakes up?" Alice suggested, her brows shooting up as hope shone behind her eyes.

The idea of Edward awake and off those wretched machines appealed to me so much that I felt my expression immediately respond to it. I nodded. "Sure, Alice. Definitely."

She grinned back at me broadly just seconds before my heart reacted adversely to the idea of it. I pushed it away with irritation, but I knew it went much deeper than merely seeing Edward in ICU again. The possibility of leaving myself open to Edward again was beginning to scare me above and beyond his current condition.

**. . .**

Feeling flustered and slightly over heated from being in the company of Alice and Jazz for three hours, I found myself almost looking forward to the virtual innocence of my Sunday dose of Nessie and Jake. All they did was kiss, but Jazz and Alice had absolutely no shame whatsoever. Jazz had actually grabbed Alice's breast openly, with me sitting half a foot from her.

I was beginning to understand why Edward always appeared so irritated around the two of them.

Alice walked me to my front door before hugging me tightly.

"Thanks for coming today, Bella," she whispered, her tone full of warmth. Her eyes were bright with optimism now and the feeling they emanated was infectious.

I nodded, returning her smile. "It helped a lot, and I'm really glad Edward is doing so well."

"Don't give up hope with Kel, Bella. She is beginning to improve too." Her voice dropped tenderly.

My eyes immediately welled with tears before I could prevent it. I nodded again, looking down to hastily wipe them away.

When I met her gaze again she was smiling at me sadly, before it hinted towards mischief. "I'm sorry about the peep show too."

I smirked at her teasingly. "You are not."

She chuckled before her expression piqued seriously. "Emmett and I probably won't be at school for a few days, but you can hang with Rose?"

I nodded, but the idea made me a little uneasy. I liked Rose but I wasn't entirely comfortable around her yet.

"I'll call you tomorrow, Als," I said, masking my apprehension behind the genuine affection I felt for her.

**. . .**

The minute I walked into school the next morning I knew something was immediately wrong. People were staring, and since it had been a couple of months since I was the weird speaking new girl, I was curious more than anything.

Jake and I were running late, and by the time I pulled to a stop in the parking lot, the bell had already sounded for first period; I had to practically run to homeroom. When I arrived, I burst through the door out of breath, so I expected everyone to stare at me; still, the _way_ they stared unnerved me, and as I entered, a hush of silence fell over the room.

After five minutes of sitting at my desk, I was well and truly inundated by paranoia. Either that or every pair of eyes in the room werefixated on me. Since I hadn't had time to take off my jacket, I shrunk into it, pulling the collar up to hide behind as I convinced myself I was being ridiculous. Only when I braved a glance around the room a moment later, it only validated the fact that I wasn't being ridiculous at all. Everyone was staring at me—more than that, they were _glaring. _

Feeling further exposed, I shrunk deeper into my jacket and kept my eyes down. That is, until I overheard Edward's name being spoken among the hushed voices.

I immediately straightened in my chair, before inclining my head subconsciously to eavesdrop. They were definitely talking about Edward. Gossiping about his accident, no doubt, I speculated, just as a cold chill ran up my spine.

They blamed me for his accident.

But how could they know?

I was in the midst of deliberating this, when my eyes met inadvertently with Jessica Stanley's. She was openly glaring at me, and immediately the image of her and Edward at the party Saturday night replayed in my mind. I glared back at her, feeling my cheeks flame red hot as anger instantly flared to the surface.

Almost immediately, I tore my eyes from hers agitated at myself and confused over my sudden reaction. Though, not confused enough, and swallowing hard, I was forced to realise, as my face prickled with mortification, that I was jealous.

Jealous of Jessica Stanley?

But what I'd inadvertently witnessed Saturday night would haunt me for a very long time, because not only was Edward grabbing her breasts, but she'd had both her hands down the front of his jeans.

**. . .**

As it turned out Homeroom was only a prelude of what was to come. The halls afterward, as I walked to first period became the precipice. Apparently my Homeroom class were not the only ones who were taking an exception to me, but most of the population of Forks High School had as well. I was used to this amount of hostility, but not even seventeen years as Renee's daughter could have prepared me for this. I was shoved sideways, spilling my books all over the floor that were then kicked up and down the lengths of the hall. I only stood unmoving, unsure how to react, having decided that my English book had become collateral damage, as I was gibed with "_loser" _signs and called names I'd only ever heard before from my mother; "whore" being the most common one.

"Way to kill Cullen, you skank!" someone hollered from behind me.

_Kill Cullen?_

My heart immediately froze.

Edward was dead?

Feeling the blood drain from my face, I turned on my heel and raced past all the scorn. I found myself hiding in a bathroom stall, trying desperately to halt the tears, and refusing to acknowledge that any of the rumours were true.

If something had happened to Edward, I'd find out. Billy would tell me, Alice would call. . .

Sitting on the toilet, I hastily pulled myself together enough to pull my iPhone from my bag, before with violently trembling hands, my courage already waning, I quickly sent Alice a message.

**Hi Alice, how is Edward?**

The few minutes or so it took Alice to reply were almost too much for my already unstable emotional state. I was dangerously close to completely losing it.

The ridiculous song that Jake insisted be my message alerts, sounded. Mechanically, I clicked it open, and gazed down at it. My mind was so completely shrouded in fear, that for a moment my eyes didn't register what I was reading.

**Hey Bella, he's improving with every minute, he has a bit of color back, too. Thanks so much for the txt, you're so sweet.**

Instant relief flooded my senses, before my thoughts returned again to the reasoning behind practically the entire school blaming me for Edward's accident.

Unless they could see into my tortured, guilt ridden psyche, that is.

I eventually dragged myself pitifully from the bathroom and took myself to the office. Having missed half of first period I was forced to explain why I'd spent it hiding in the toilets. My meek excuse was that I was feeling unwell. It was a half-truth at least; my anxiety levels were so high I was beginning to feel terrible.

The kind office lady, who'd seen more of me in the last few weeks than probably most of the students in all their years of attendance—and obviously suspecting my lack of adjustment with equal amounts of pity and empathy, as if Forks High was the cause of all her woes too—offered to send me home. I almost agreed, my cowardice knowing no boundaries, but as I contemplated it, my back straightened in defiance. If I went home, it would only validate the rumours about me.

Second period proved no different from homeroom. I had only been in my seat for no more than ten minutes when the stares began to penetrate my resolve to stay strong, and keep my head held high. I felt exposed, as if each and every person in the room could read my mind and see what I could barely admit to myself; that Edward's accident was completely my fault. I'd had the perfect opportunity to set him straight Friday afternoon. Instead, I'd become immediately defensive by his behaviour, and I did not like confrontations.

I'd turned my back on him and walked away, with the most incomprehensible look of betrayal in his eyes.

He _believed _I was seeing Mike Newton, and I'd let him believe it.

Half way through the lesson, after being subjected to projectiles in the form of pieces of eraser for the most part, I noticed a note was being passed around the room; passing through every snickering pair of hands, before landing in front of me. I picked it up, ignoring my better instincts to ignore it, unfolding it as the muffled snickering stepped up a notch.

Cont…

* * *

**A/N: Bella . . . with the self-hatred. . .**


	17. I Still

**A/N: I'm starting to get lost...**

* * *

**Chapter 16**

**I Still...**

* * *

**Bella's POV**

**Roses are red violets are blue, did Cullen know you were doing Newton too?**

I scoffed only half beneath my breath.

I was doing Edward _and _Mike?

I screwed it up ready to throw it over my shoulder when I suddenly froze, as a new realisation began to occur to me. Edward thought I was with Mike; it had been what he was so angry about the Friday before the party. What if he'd told others what he believed at the time was the truth, so they'd see his accident as my fault?

I wanted to shake my head openly, as a nervous energy building in my stomach began to silently contradict me.

Edward wouldn't do that—he wouldn't!

From that moment on, the day went from bad to horrendous. I was shoved and shoulder barged between classes; not aggressive enough that I'd be hurt—physically that is—but enough that I felt the psychological intimidation behind it. I found notes shoved in my locker calling me every trending insult that had existed for the course of my teenage years. I was sneered at by most people I passed, and the ones who didn't stared with accusing eyes until after a while, I wasn't sure which one was worse.

I attempted to get from class to class looking as little as possible away from the ground, and get through the day as best as I could. And all I could focus on was that Edward was behind this—unwittingly or not. After all, he was the first person in the school to believe I'd somehow cheated on him with Newton.

So easily he'd believed it, without ever asking me if it was true. . .

Hell, it was what I'd allowed him to believe—what did I expect?

By fourth period, however, I discovered that not the entire school believed all the rumours.

As I sat in my seat, cringing away from the not-so subtle accusations that held me accountable, Angela sat beside me with a sympathetic expression worked into her welcoming smile.

"Bella, are you all right?" she whispered to me, her eyes burning with compassion.

I was so overcome by the sound of a friendly voice that when I spoke it almost came out as a pitiful sob. "I-I don't know what the hell's going on, Ang. Everyone's blaming me for what happened to Edward."

She nodded with a deep sigh. "I know. Have you heard the rumour?"

"That I murdered him? Yes!" The notion was so ridiculous that my tone flared hotly; which only increased the attention that was centred on me.

Angela's expression remained empathetic, before she explained tactfully, "What I heard was that Edward caught you cheating on him at the party with Mike and was so upset he got drunk."

"Huh?" I uttered blankly.

It was good news, wasn't it? It meant that Edward wasn't the cause behind it, but who would spread such a blatant lie?

"I know. I was right there when Mike jumped on you. I told everyone it's a lie, but I think it's taken on a life of its own." She rolled her eyes.

I expelled my breath brashly with frustration, before looking up to again meet Angela's sincere gaze. "I'm not _together _with either of them, Angela. Edward's a friend . . . I mean, we were—and well he got the impression I was with Mike, but. . ." I let it trail off, lost by the confusion of it and the lingering sense of guilt.

If I'd just found a spine inside me and set him straight on Friday, but my deepest instincts were always to flee when confronted; never to stand my ground. . .

"Mike's telling people it's true and you're together with him," Angela added, delicately, before my head immediately snapped up.

"He is?" I challenged, my thoughts quickly collecting and becoming increasingly livid.

She nodded ruefully. "Yeah, it seems he's telling anyone who'll listen. So, if you were wondering where Edward got the impression from. . ."

I was seething. I'd been perfectly friendly to him at the movies Thursday night, but I'd let him know that I wasn't receptive to whatever designs he had regarding me.

"So, he's the one spreading this bullshit about me cheating on Edward?" My voice became tense with anger.

Cheating? The notion was laughable since we'd only just become friends again.

Angela shook her head slowly. "I don't think it's only him spreading it, but he's not denying any of it."

"Bloody _wanker_!" I burst a little too loudly.

Mike and I were going to have a long discussion about this as soon as I found him, I vowed, and this time—perhaps for the first time in my life—I would not back down.

"H-how is Edward anyway, Bella?" Angela asked me apprehensively after seemingly allowing me a moment to fume silently to myself.

Sighing heavily, I let go of my anger as my thoughts again returned to Edward. "He . . . was placed in a coma, but they're going to bring him out of it in a few days, apparently."

"So he's not . . . going to . . ?" she asked delicately, looking aggrieved.

I shook my head, explaining, "No. Alice told me this morning that he's pretty stable."

"I heard . . . you and Alice were with him," she relayed gently, as the image of Edward lying on the side of the road bloodied and unconscious assaulted my thoughts.

I pushed it away immediately, but I wasn't quick enough to prevent Angela from witnessing how it affected me.

"We arrived not long after," I whispered, clearing my throat softly.

Angela only sighed before silently placing her hand on my shoulder.

Fourth period was a little easier to bear with Angela beside me, and in a sense it was empowering knowing I had at least one ally. It was a different story, however, when I was faced with the crowded halls alone afterwards. Shrinking pathetically into myself, I made my way to the cafeteria continuing to be shoved and jeered at.

I didn't bother lining up to get lunch; the walk through the halls alone had used up my reserves of courage. Instead, I made my way to our table, almost fainting with relief seeing Rose and Jazz already seated there.

"Well, well, if it isn't the girl of the hour," Rose said looking up with a small smirk, as I slumped into the chair next to her.

"So you've heard too, huh?" I replied, feeling so defeated the sarcasm I was aiming for only came across as jaded.

She nodded. "I must say, Bella, you certainly do know how to make an impression on people." Her dry tone was teasing.

"I seem to," I mumbled, scoffing the sarcasm to myself this time.

"Bella! Can you believe what everyone is saying?" Nessie suddenly dropped into the chair on the other side of me, followed by Jake, bringing out a dry-laced "Please, take a seat" from Rose.

I shrugged. "I guess someone had to be the scape goat."

"That's bullshit, Bells. No one has said a thing to me—freaking pussies!" Jake blurted out, his expression suddenly twisting with anger.

It seemed to be a permanent fixture for him these days—because of me.

"Who'd start it?" Nessie asked knotting her eyebrows and shaking her head, genuinely confused.

"Oh, I think I have a fair idea who," Rose spoke up, motioning with a tilt of her head in the direction where Jessica and Lauren sat.

"What? Why?" I exclaimed, narrowing my eyes and feeling my jaw clench the longer my gaze lingered on Jessica.

"You don't know?" Rose asked me, quirking a dubious eyebrow.

I opened my mouth to reply but shut it almost immediately. Did I?

Rose's smirk deepened—right along with the shade of my face.

"That's it. I'm going to sort those bitches out!" Jake decided then and there, getting out of his chair with a loud scrape.

"Jake, steady there. Rose will handle her," Jazz spoke up with an amused grin.

Jake rather begrudgingly sat back down; I flashed him a grateful, affectionate smile, and his face warmed a little in response.

If there was one thing you couldn't say about Jake, it was that he wasn't loyal.

"What are you going to do, baby? Scratch her eyes out?" Nessie teased him, stretching up to rub her nose against his.

"I might," Jake murmured in reply before pressing his lips to hers.

Oh, God. . .

Rose groaned only partially under her breath before her eyes met mine. She almost laughed. It was so foreign for her; I almost didn't recognise her behind it. But when it became obvious that we were all going to become privy to their affections, she no longer saw the humour in it.

We only sat in awkward silence, unable to start a conversation over the slurping sounds. Rose went steadily green by the minute, pushing her food away in disgust as Jazz attempted to smother his laughter with the palm of his hand.

"Jeez, those two make Alice and me look PG," Jazz mused as we walked from the cafeteria to our fifth period classes.

I was glad for the company. My next class was Bio.

I snorted blatantly, teasingly. "Oh, you reckon?"

He only grinned sheepishly, his cheeks flushing slightly, before his expression smoothed out. "I heard what Newton's been telling everyone," he confessed, his brow bridged. "I didn't want to say anything with Nessie there, but Edward's gonna rip his balls out when he gets back."

I felt myself stiffen, immediately straightening out. It wasn't something I was in even the remotest frame of mind to start contemplating.

And seeming to understand, Jazz looked away awkwardly before turning back to me with an apologetic smile. "Sorry, Bella I. . ." he abandoned it, rubbing the back of his neck absently.

I half shrugged, offering him an easy going smile before feeling my expression darken. "I'm going to speak to _Newton _today in Gym."

I wasn't planning on doing any ball ripping, but I was going to make sure he never opened his mouth to mention my name ever again!

As I headed towards Bio, Jazz and I parted, and I was forced to continue the rest of the way again feeling opened and exposed.

I was pushed from behind, more blatantly than usual, just before Jessica passed me; her strides emphasising that she was the one who'd shoved me.

I stopped, watching the pure arrogance of her disappear in front of me as I stood fuming. When I again made my way toward class, it was with contemplation over Rose's theory at lunch—over why Jessica had spread the rumours. Slowing my pace, I found myself smirking, despite the increased snickering from behind me.

For whatever reason, the "L" for loser sign I'd become used to up until that point had turned to a "W" for—after a second jolt from behind me, I whirled around, past all patience, when I was faced with Rose. She was crumbling a piece of paper in her hands before quickly hiding it behind her back

I sighed with resignation. "Just show me. . ."

"It's crap, Bella," she replied.

I held out my hand regardless, before she warily placed it in my palm.

For a moment I just gazed down at it, deciding whether I really wanted to know, before taking an inevitable breath, I unfolded it.

It said one word: whore.

So that explained the "W". . .

I found myself sobbing in the very same stall as the one I had that morning, having let Jessica Stanley humiliate me—again. Jessica Stanley, who Edward had taken to the party Saturday night just to throw in my face—as some kind of retribution.

Well fuck him, and fuck her too!

With growing impatience, I pulled myself together. This was not who I was anymore. Old Bella used to hide in the toilets as a means to escape my mother's ever increasing reputation. How ironic it was that I was now cowering from my own.

After splashing water over my face, I turned to leave—no longer giving a shit about what waited for me on the other side of the door—just as I was almost knocked backwards by Rose who was dragging a loudly protesting Jessica Stanley behind her, before slamming her up against the wall.

Bloody hell!

I was in awe of her; she looked terrifying in her calmness.

"I'm going to tell you once, Stanley, and only once," she paused to exhale angrily through her nose, her eyes hardening while her face didn't give up a single crease. "I don't like malicious rumours when it hurts my friends. So, if you don't stop this bullshit right now, so help me God, I will track you down and bleed you dry. You got that loud and clear?" Her tone was low, in full control, rising only slightly at the end, and her expression was nothing short of fierce.

Jessica went pale, her eyes darting hastily to me before back to Rose.

I only smiled at her, slyly.

"I-I have no idea what you're on about, Rosalie!" Jessica retorted lamely, attempting to maintain a brave facade, but contradicted herself immediately by blinking repeatedly.

Rose took a measured breath in, closing her eyes shortly, before turning the full ferocity of them on Jessica; who shrank away from her.

I almost laughed, but stopped myself; immediately wondering if this was how I'd looked for most of the day.

"Don't _test_ me, Stanley," Rose threatened her, maintaining her ice cold calmness, before releasing Jessica and shoving her towards the door without another glance in her direction. "Are you okay, Bella?" she asked me a moment later, her lips twitching with a hint of a smile.

Nodding, I broke into soft laughter. "Thanks, Rose."

"God knows I had to sort that bitch out, or we'd all be forced to put up with Jake and Nessie's _appetising_ acts of love for Christ knows how many more lunch breaks."

I chuckled openly this time.

She _definitely_ had a point.

It was easier to face Biology—knowing there was going to be a huge gap next to me with the absence of Edward—with the image of Jessica's terrified expression at the front of my mind.

I'd been dreading it all day. Every single Bio lesson I'd had Edward had been there. Whether I'd been angry with him or secretly star crossed by his proximity, he was always there beside me, a pivotal presence; until now.

Releasing my breath heavily, and avoiding the thirty or so eyes that immediately came to rest on me, I made my way to my chair. To mine and Edward's table, while attempting to ignore the empty stool beside me.

It was no use, and my short lived mood quickly came to an abrupt halt, my throat becoming choked—just as Mike Newton sat beside me. In Edward's chair!

I could only stare at his audacity—as he grinned back in what I could only presume was his deluded sense of charm—feeling my mindset immediately shift to pissed off!

"What do you think you're doing? That seat is taken!" My voice was low and wavering with anger.

He only shrugged. "It's not as if Cullen is going to be needing—"

"Perhaps you didn't hear me, Mike. _That. Seat. Is. Taken,_" I interrupted him, picking up my Biology book ready to use it to smash his nose into his brain.

He flashed me again what I'm sure he thought was some kind of appealing grin. "Surely you don't mind if I keep it warm 'till Cullen returns."

"GET OUT OF HIS CHAIR!" I exclaimed, completely losing it, despite the fact that the entire class was watching the development between the two of us. I held my book up ready to strike when Mr Banner entered the room with a strict clearing of his throat.

I looked over to him feeling myself become flustered and shaky, on the verge of angry tears.

The teacher's eyes were centred directly on Mike.

"Mr Newton, take your regular seat this instant," he demanded, his tone hard. His eyes were narrowed; a huge contrast compared to his usual calm, controlled demeanour.

Mike got up with an arrogant grin, winking at me, before leisurely walking over to the table he shared with Jason.

With my face flushing hotly, I only tore my eyes angrily away, fuming to myself.

The anger remained with me through most of the lesson. In fact, I was so preoccupied with it that I almost didn't notice when yet another note was tossed on the table in front of me.

I openly scoffed, not even tempted this time to know what was written, when Mr Banner's hand swooped down to snatch it up.

I watched cringing to myself as he opened the note casually, with deliberate respite, before reading it; his eyebrows coming slowly together with obvious aversion as he did.

"Who is responsible for this?" he asked holding the note out.

No answer; in fact, the class grew suddenly quiet.

I sat with my eyes glued to the book before me, totally detesting the fact that more attention was now drawn to me—not that I really believed that was even possible.

"Oh, come on. I'm sure who ever wrote this extremely witty piece would appreciate the recognition," his voice was sarcastic as he eyed each and every student with suspicion.

Except, of course, me.

I groaned internally, wishing like hell he'd get over it already.

No such luck. He made an intentional show of ripping the note into small pieces whilst starting a lecture on his intolerance for vindictiveness, before demanding Mike Newton clean the mess up.

"If I catch any more of this garbage, every one of you will be on detention. Is that clear?" I didn't miss the pitied glance he threw in my direction, and I was positive there was a deliberate omission from his speech that went something like: _Except of course for Isabella Swan, whose school life has thus far been so pathetic that it could send her over the deep end._

**. . .**

Before sixth period, and after making sure I was in complete control of my emotions, I went in search of Mike.

I found him chatting outside the gym with a group of guys from our year—guys who had all given me crap that day, I realised—and immediately got the impression that he was gloating about me. The skin at the back of my neck prickled with angry heat, and I was forced to stop myself and push it back with a deep, determined breath before I was spurred forward again.

"Mike, can I talk to you for a moment?" I asked him with perfectly feigned politeness, without missing the cocky wink he threw in the direction of his cohorts.

Swallowing past another surge of aversion, I looked down at my feet as he approached me.

"Bella, from the land down under, what's up?" His voice was a conceited drawl that only succeeded in increasing my irritation—despite the fact he was under the deluded misapprehension that he was somehow charming me.

"I just wanted to know why you've been telling lies about me!" I demanded hotly, unable to pretend any longer or hold my indignation back.

His eyebrows shot up in genuine surprise before a slow grin spread across his face. "I haven't been telling lies, Bella."

"Oh, really?" I snapped, arching a sceptical brow. "Why then would the entire school be under the impression that we have something going on when I told you _repeatedly_ that I wasn't interested!?"

For a moment his expression smoothed out before again his grin slowly returned. "Well, I can't help what people choose to believe."

He was really getting under my skin. I'd seen Renee head butt one of her lecherous dates once, and at that moment I seriously wanted to try it myself.

"Let's just say for a moment that I actually believe you. You've heard what people have been saying about me today. Why haven't you told them it's all lies?" I challenged angrily, my voice beginning to tremble, before folding my arms across my chest to stop my hands from shaking.

He didn't reply; he only watched me, as if he was trying to decipher my thoughts.

Dropping my gaze to the ground momentarily and huffing my breath in frustration, I attempted to regain my composure, but when I looked back up, Mike's hand reached out to wipe my hair away from my face with a brazen confidence that I immediately recoiled from. It wasn't the first time, after all, that a man had put his hands on me expecting a different response.

"Don't bloody touch me!" I demanded, through practically gritted teeth.

He laughed. "Come on, Bella. Why are you playing games? Why are you pretending that you didn't feel anything while we were kissing? You don't have to feel guilty over Cullen, you know."

I think my mouth fell open. I think my eyes welled with hot, angry tears, but I wasn't sure. All I was certain of was the level of rage that was ploughing through my veins as Mike's hand rose to touch me again.

I punched him, hard, somewhere in the face. It sent him staggering backwards as a searing pain exploded in my hand and shot up my arm; I gripped it tightly to my chest.

"_Bloody hell—OW_!" I cried, jumping around in small circles, clutching it tighter. "Bugger it! Bugger, bugger—damn it!"

An eruption of laughter temporarily distracted me before I soon realised it was coming from the group of guys Mike had just been gloating with. Indignant and becoming flustered in my anger, I pulled myself quickly together before turning back to Newton, daring him to touch me again, ready to punch him once more if need be.

His head was bent, his palm covering his mouth as blood trickled between his fingers. When his shocked eyes met mine, they were shining with humiliation and pain, before he quickly masked it behind resentment.

"Stay away from me, Mike, or next time. . ." I stopped myself, refusing to waste another breath on him, before shouldering my way through the gym doors, continuing to cradle my stricken hand.

Explaining away my cut and bleeding hand to Coach Clapp, I was sent to the bleachers. Gym was much easier to deal with on the side lines, especially with the very obvious absence of Mike Newton—and not to mention Jessica Stanley. She couldn't even manage a side way glance in my direction, much less anything else.

For the first time that day, a genuine smile spread broadly across my face and stayed there the entire lesson. I'd survived, and more than that, I'd survived with my head held high.

By the time the day was finally over, my hand had swollen to twice its normal size and was bruising darker by the second. I was a little worried I'd done some damage, but I hated to put Billy through more stress where I was concerned. I was sure he wanted to wash his hands of me and ship me back to Australia with a large _"do not return" _sign stapled to my forehead.

As I headed to my Jeep, I ran into Jazz and Rose. Jazz's eyes immediately fell to my hand—that I'd been subconsciously rubbing.

"Yowza! Bella, did you fall over in gym?" he asked, appraising my hand with alarm.

"Oh," I glanced down at it, feeling my cheeks deepen, "no, I punched that wanker, Mike Newton, in the face," I admitted sheepishly.

His eyebrows shot up before his lips twitched with sudden amusement. "Newton?"

I only nodded with a small grin just as Rose began chuckling beside me.

"You go girl!" She gently took my hand in hers to inspect it more closely, her eyebrows pulling together as she evaluated it. "Hmm, Bella, you might want to see a doctor, though."

"Nah, it's okay. I'll put some ice on it when I get home," I assured her, shrugging.

I could still move my fingers, so. . .

"Jeez, I'd love to see what Newton looks like right now," Jazz added, his blue eyes bright and creasing with laughter.

"He's such an asshole," I added lowly, my tone a little too passionate. I was really beginning to dislike Mike Newton.

**. . .**

Jake was riding home without Nessie that afternoon, and since she didn't always ride with us, I thought nothing of it.

As soon as he pulled his massive form into the front passenger seat, he spotted my hand that I was resting precariously on the steering wheel.

His eye brows shot up in surprise. "Crap, Bells—what the heck did you do to your hand?"

When I didn't immediately reply he continued. If truth be told, I was contemplating whether I should be honest or skim over the facts, due to his girlfriend being Mike's sister. "Don't tell me you sorted that bitch, Stanley, out? Bells, I'm so freaking proud of you!" His eyes suddenly lit up in almost disbelief and his laugh was whole-hearted—and contagious.

Apart of me wished it _was _Jessica's face I'd broken my hand on. "Um, it wasn't exactly Jessica, but it was someone who was telling lies about me."

Jake continued to laugh, shaking his head to himself in wonder. "Just when I thought you didn't have it in ya, but I knew I'd rub off on you sooner or later."

I only chuckled lightly along with him, glad for the most part that he didn't inquire further.

**. . .**

My routine of getting home and checking the answering machine before I could breathe in relief and relax knowing Kel had survived another day was still intact, despite what was happening with Edward and my horrendous day at school. The second thing I did was take a frozen packet of peas from the freezer, wrapping it around my hand with a tea towel before disappearing back into my room, in hopes that I could recover some semblance of my sanity that had been lost that day. The third thing I did was overhear the very foreign sound of Jake arguing with Nessie over the phone.

Sitting up in bed in surprise, I angled my head towards the living room.

"Babe, it's bullshit! Bella wouldn't do something like that for nothing—your brother is a liar." Jake's tone was a mixture of annoyance and anxiety.

I groaned. The whole thing with Mike was obviously out in the open, and once again it seemed I was continuing to affect the lives of people I loved in a negative way.

I trudged back down stairs just as the yelling intensified. The notion of Jake and Nessie fighting was so utterly bizarre, and since it was me who was the cause of it made it that little bit worse.

"She's been getting crapped over all day because of what happened to Cu—Edward"—

I smiled to myself as Jake quickly corrected himself as I walked into the room.

—"and it has _something _to do with your douche of a brother!"

Sighing, I held my hand out, motioning for Jake to give me his phone. Which he did—reluctantly—after a moment.

"Ness, it's Bella." My voice was calm.

"Bella, what did you do? Mikes mouth is split open! He's a mess!" Her voice was shrill. I cringed away from it, as did Jake who'd heard it—along with half the population of Forks, no doubt.

I waited patiently for her to finish. "Nessie, I love you, but I'm sorry, your brother is an asshole."

Jake's eyebrows shot up in surprise. I wasn't perturbed; I was just saying it how it was. In fact, it was nowhere near the intensity of my feelings toward him.

"What did he do, Bella?" Nessie challenged me. "He said you punched him because you were angry about Edward."

Groaning softly to myself, I closed my eyes, rubbing my forehead in exasperation. "He's been telling lies about me, and then he had the nerve to deny it," I explained, unable to keep the hostility from seeping into my tone.

"What lies?" Nessie asked, her defiance fading with the pitch of her voice.

"Well, he seems to think, in his twisted and deluded mind, that he and I have something going on!" I answered her shortly.

There was a pause. "Well . . . you do, don't you?" Her tone was laced with confusion.

"_What_!?" I exclaimed blankly, my frustration teetering on total loss of control. "NO!"

"Didn't you kiss him at the party? He said you guys hooked up," she relayed beginning to sound more and more uncertain.

I almost dropped the phone. In fact, I almost threw it across the room in a fit of impatience. "No. What happened was he _attacked_ me at the party before Emmett Cullen dragged him off me!"

Another pause.

This time I groaned loudly, handing Jake back his phone, past all tolerance.

Plonking myself on the lounge, I huffed brashly, but despite my present aggravation, I knew I'd continue to feel guilty and uneasy until they made up again. Thankfully, it only took a couple of minutes before they were in full force phone slopping.

Scoffing softly to myself, relieved if nothing else, I headed back to my room.

I was half way up the stairs when the ridiculous rap music ringtone Jake had installed on my phone began blasting from inside my bedroom. I raced in, almost killing myself on the last step, and grabbed it.

Alice.

"Hey, Als!" I said brightly.

"Bella!" she exclaimed full of alarm. "Jazzy just told me what happened today! Oh my God! Are you okay?"

"Alice, I'm fine, really. Rose took care of Jessica, and I took care of Mike—it's all good!"

"Uh-huh. . . Jazz told me about that too." I could practically see her smirk behind the sudden shrewd tone of her voice.

I chuckled softly. "He had it coming."

"I can't wait to tell Edward—" she said, breaking into laughter, before cutting herself off abruptly.

"It's fine, Alice. How is Edward anyway?" My tone only had a slight edge to it.

"He's doing really well. They're going to bring him out of the coma tomorrow apparently, so he'll start to wake up Wednesday. How's Kel?" She was excited, and if truth be told, I was too—not to mention overwhelmingly relieved and panicked simultaneously.

"That's great, Al, really, and Kel is hanging on still." My voice was soft, I didn't mean for it to be. I didn't want Alice worrying about me.

There was a slight pause.

"Y-you still going to come and see him again?" She sounded suddenly unsure.

"I said I would, didn't I?" I teased her.

"Bella . . . you know you don't have to do anything you don't want to. Edward hurt you. It's okay to still feel angry about it."

"I know." I took a heavy breath. "Alice, at the moment I don't know how I feel, but I'll come and see him. I-I want to," I replied seriously. It was the truth—in a sense.

"Okay and I'll come to school tomorrow. If anyone dares—"

I interrupted her immediately, insistent, "No you are not! I told you, Alice, I'm fine. I can take care of myself."

I was finding out more and more that I could

**. . .**

I was just starting my homework when Jake knocked on my door before popping his head around a moment later. "Hey, Bells."

I grinned at him warmly. "What's up, Jake?"

"Nessie wanted to say sorry about Mike and all that," he mumbled awkwardly, standing in the middle of my room with a look of sheepish guilt on his face.

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him it wasn't his fault that his girlfriend's brother was a dickhead, but decided against it. Instead, I shrugged simply. "It's no problem."

"Jeez, Bells, why didn't you tell me what he did to you at the party? I would have gladly broken the creep's face." His eyes continued to reflect guilt, along with a sudden regret.

With a knowing grin, I teasingly reminded him, "Um . . . well you and Nessie were kind of preoccupied."

He broke into an abashed grin, mumbling, "Yeah, I guess so."

"It's okay, Jake. I mean, sheesh, between you and Alice. . ." I exhaled deeply into an almost exasperated smile.

"Well, now that you can take care of yourself and everything. . ." he joked.

Holding up my injured hand in emphasis, I nodded, my smile broadening.

Jake paused; he seemed to be deliberating with himself before sitting down on the edge of my bed. It bent sharply on a lopsided angle, spilling my homework on to the floor. He leaned down to retrieve it, the springs letting out a high pitched wail in protest.

I watched him curiously as he continued his deliberation, fiddling with the edge of my quilt, a frown etching into his features. It took him a good two minutes before he opened his mouth to speak.

"So, Bells . . . are you okay?" he asked me. He was completely serious.

"I'm fine," I answered with a half shrug, becoming puzzled.

"You're not," he countered flatly before releasing his breath. "This whole thing with Cu—Edward has thrown you."

I sighed inwardly, massaging my forehead with my fingertips before looking over at him. "Jeez, Jake, not everything I do is about Edward," I mumbled, feeling myself becoming annoyed and uneasy by this conversation.

He paused again, as if gathering his thoughts, before continuing, "A few months before you came, Bells, Nessie went hiking in the woods with a couple of her friends," he paused and glanced at me. I nodded, feeling my brow furrow, unsure where he was going. "Anyway, they got lost. It got dark and they weren't back." His eyes deepened until they were dark pools swimming with sudden emotion before he paused and glanced at me, and again I nodded becoming more and more confused. "That look you had on your face, Bells, when you found out I hit Cul—Edward. . ." he let it fade off as if in emphasis, his expression growing sympathetic.

I faltered, realising I was holding my breath. I wasn't sure why, but as I waited for him to finish, I felt like I was suspended.

"It's the same look I had when Nessie was lost. I know what you feel about him, Bells. I can see it in your face." He was smiling at me this time . . . with pity.

I only blinked, surprised before opening my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Closing it again in defeat, I released my bated breath as I contemplated it.

He could see it on my face? See what?

Jakes expression had remained sympathetic, but his eyes began to reflect the blaze of hostility I'd seen only with his run-ins with Edward. "Don't let him hurt you, Bells, or I swear next time—"

Becoming resigned, I interjected, "Jake. . ." My voice was soft, jaded, managing just a hint of irritation but otherwise remained jarred.

"Just be careful, Bells. I don't want to see you get hurt. You deserve. . ." he abandoned it; I suspected because he was about to tell me I deserved someone better than "_Cullen"_.

I nodded; it was all I could manage.

He left then, leaving me to the torture of my thoughts. A fraction of a second later, I jumped off my bed and made my way over to my Josh-framed mirror. Staring long and hard at my reflection, I searched for any sign in my features that would validate what Jake had said. What stared back was the same girl with my father's dark brown eyes that reflected all the same fears they did when I was back in Australia. There was nothing to suggest I was in love with Edward.

Nothing.

I barely slept that night.

**. . .**

Tuesday.

I was still a sleazy skank and whore, and though Mike Newton had had an unfortunate accident on his push bike, splitting his lip open, we were still _screwing _around behind Edward's back.

And Edward was being brought out of his coma.

I'd agreed to go and see him Wednesday after school with Alice—so long as he woke up without any complications, that is. And naturally, because I was dreading every minute of it, it came around all too soon, and before I knew it I was pacing back and forth across the living room as I waited for Alice to arrive.

Jake and Nessie's slopping session was constantly interrupted by Jake breaking away to gaze at me with concern. I was careful to avoid his gaze; I knew what was written in his eyes—it was the same look he'd had since the moment I'd met Edward. At least back then I could tell myself it was just because of all the bad blood between the two of them, but after what he'd said Monday afternoon. . .

I turned to him almost subconsciously, his eyes met mine and the warning behind them still shone with clarity.

_He'll hurt you, Bells. You know it, and I know it._

With a huff, I turned completely away and continued to pace around the furniture. My stomach was a mass of knots, and I was becoming increasingly agitated by my reaction. I'd sat next to Edward in Bio for an hour every day; surely I could handle another one. It was just another hour with him—that was all!

It was a hollow thought, because things were different now; I wasn't sure why, just that they were. Of course, there was the written-all-over-my-face thing to consider, and if that was true, who else was aware of it other than Jake?

With an audible breath, I ran my hands through my hair. I'd done it so many times already that long strands had become tangled around my fingers.

Jake broke away again, his eyes following me with unease as I stalked back and forth, obviously procrastinating on whether he should say something, when Nessie jumped up in exasperation.

"Bella! Sit and relax." She grabbed me by the shoulders and forced me to sit on the recliner, where I'd get a front row seat to the slopping. "You have another half an hour to wait and you're making me jumpy!" Snatching up the remote control she switched on the television, for my benefit, before curling up on the sofa with Jake again.

With a conceding sigh, I turned my attention to the screen.

Dr Phil.

He was talking about infidelity in marriage or something, when, in his articulate southern accent, he spoke straight to me through the screen, "The best indicator of future behaviour is past behaviour."

Hastily, I switched the television off as if some creepy black haired girl was going to crawl out of it and murder me horrendously, when I caught Jake's gaze. He was smirking to himself all too knowingly in between kisses.

I only groaned inwardly.

So what! It wasn't as if Edward acted solely on his own—Newton was the one who'd put the idea in his head. But my heart still sank. Edward had believed the rumours—just like the majority of students at school. He'd acted no differently, and the truth behind it stung.

Shaking my head to myself in frustration, I cleared my thoughts. I was going to visit Edward in hospital—that was all. It wasn't as if he was proposing marriage.

I was happier pacing. At least then I wasn't thrown into turmoil with bloody words of wisdom from bald psychologists. Besides, Jake and Nessie had upped the ante on the slurping and it was getting on my last nerve. If I was forced into a close encounter with it for much longer, I was going to chuck a massive hissy.

How the hell was I supposed to think rationally with their foreplay going on around me?

"Guys!" I finally snapped after walking into the kitchen and still cringing from the sound of it. "Would you get a bloody room already?"

Jake broke away all drooly-faced and grinned mischievously. "Bells, we're not allowed in the rooms. You know that."

Sighing shortly, I decided to wait for Alice outside. The chill air was sure to snap some rational thought into me, as well as cool my burning face, and with a bit of luck, by the time Alice arrived, I wouldn't look as overwrought as I felt.

Of course, she arrived early. It was probably a good thing; I was wound so tight I didn't think I could last a minute longer without having a total melt down.

She had a completely over exaggerated look of excitement on her face that it was hard not to feel affected by it. It infiltrated me after only a moment and soon my knotted stomach was fluttering with eager anticipation.

"Bella! Hey!" She jumped out of the car to hug me impulsively. "He's awake!"

My heart skipped a beat and ached a little in my chest as it did so. "That's great news, Alice."

It was—more than I could possibly fathom at this point.

I climbed into the passenger seat as Alice practically pranced around to the driver's side and jumped in, closing the door and starting the engine simultaneously.

"He's very drowsy and groggy and he's saying some funny things, but. . ." she paused to sigh with sudden emotion, "I can't tell you how relieved I am, Bella."

I nodded, feeling my throat begin to choke a little. "I think I have a good idea, Alice," I whispered.

She turned to glance at me, smiling sadly, before turning her attention back to the road.

We drove in silence. I suspected Alice knew I had a lot on my mind and left me to my thoughts, as I tried in vain to comprehend what I felt about Edward now that he was recovering.

Was anything different?

Would it change?

Did I owe him another chance?

Forty minutes later we arrived at the hospital, and with a resigned sigh, I allowed Alice to pull me from the car. Linking her arm through mine she enthusiastically hauled me into the building as my heart continued to thud, unyielding in its tirade, making me feel weak and feeble.

Five minutes later, three floors up, and around the final corner to the ICU, and I was a mess of trembling, exhausted nerves and growing panic.

"Bella, relax, it's not like last time. He's off those horrible machines," Alice insisted, squeezing me with reassurance.

Could I tell her the real reason why the panic had ebbed its way back into my heart? That I was in love wholeheartedly with her brother and was just as fearful of it?

No.

Nodding, I swallowed hard, taking a large breath to calm myself.

Esme was outside Edward's room speaking with Dr Masen. She was smiling, her face bright and her eyes glistening. It was a complete contrast to the last time I saw her—regardless of the unwavering calm she seemed to possess.

She turned as we approached and her smile broadened. Alice released me to hug her mother affectionately, who returned it with added tenderness, before turning to me.

"Hello, Bella." Her tone was soft and resonating. So much like Edward's. . .

"Hi." My voice caught at the back of my throat, before I offered up an uncertain smile.

She approached me almost apprehensively, as though I was a wild horse that might be easily frightened and bolt, before taking me into her arms to embrace me gently but briefly. My back tensed involuntarily, before I felt myself relax a fraction in the warmth of her arms.

"I'm so glad you've come," she spoke with an honest sincerity.

"Me too," I replied in a quiet whisper.

"Can I take Bella in, Carlisle?" Alice asked the blond doctor, who pushed his glasses back up his nose and smiled, nodding once.

"That should be fine, but not too long."

"Kay," Alice said grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the door.

My clammy palm practically slipped from her grip, threatening to send me stumbling backwards. But clutching Alice's hand tighter, and taking a measured breath, I willingly accompanied her into the room.

The second my eyes fell on Edward my breath automatically drew in, and just like the first time, my heart seemed to come to an aching halt. He was lying peacefully sleeping, a blue hospital gown draped loosely over him, untied. His chest was rising and falling in a natural rhythm, unlike when he was attached to the respirator, and the only visible tubes I could see were the drip in his hand, and the heart monitors that disappeared under his gown.

Stepping closer to him, vaguely aware that Alice had hung back, I gazed down at him.

Drawing his eyebrows slowly together, he let out a soft, drowsy moan, before inhaling and letting it out with a long breath. Then languidly, he opened his eyes.

As they met mine, my chest instantly tightened with a sudden swelling of emotion. He smiled, kind of drunkenly and delicately moistened his lips, before his eyes dipped closed momentarily.

"Bella," his voice was strained and croaky from obvious lack of use, "please don't leave."

Right then and there my heart was broken. My eyes immediately welled with tears as I was quite literally engulfed by a tsunami of emotion. It left me reeling with the entire array of accompanied clichés; hammering heart; racing pulse—birds singing—before a broad smile broke slowly across my face.

I loved him. A couple of dozen or so Biology classes, a few fractured moments, and a hell of a lot of pens, and I had fallen in love with him.

I'd fallen in love for the first time in my life.

He opened his eyes again; they were bloodshot and his irises were dull, but it was still him behind them.

Taking his hand gently in mine—it was warm again—I shook my head, whispering, "I won't leave, Edward."

He half smiled sleepily before his eyes once again closed. Then, struggling to clear his throat, he spoke again, his voice hoarse and even croakier than it was before; evoking an affectionate smile involuntarily to my lips. "I'm so cold when you're not here."

A choking snorting sound from behind me immediately broke the moment, while alerting me to the fact that Emmett was in the room.

"Emmett!" I heard Alice hiss, but I didn't turn around.

My eyes stayed locked to Edward as I surrendered myself to this emotional release. It left my heart surprisingly unburdened finally after the months of fighting him—fighting this hold he seemed to have over me.

"Just when I thought Edith couldn't get any funnier, he goes into a coma," Emmett quipped from behind me.

Sighing softly to myself, I turned my head to look over my shoulder, meeting Alice's gaze. She rolled her eyes, a wry smirk on her expression. I smiled at her broadly in response, feeling completely weightless for the first time in months.

But when I turned back to Edward, and before I could focus my attention on him again, the panic had already hit. It was as overwhelming as it was apparent. A warning so inherent I understood it completely, and in its momentum it broke the spell that had momentarily rendered me exposed and vulnerable. What was left was the brutal truth of reality that had reached out, clenched my heart closed, and snapped my senses back in place.

I couldn't allow Edward to have this power over me—I couldn't allow _anyone _to have that kind of power over me ever again. Especially someone who'd proven to me repeatedly that I could not trust him. Someone who was as dangerous as he was unpredictable.

It would be detrimental to everything I'd fought to become since leaving Australia. I knew it, Jake knew it—even Dr-bloody-Phil knew it.

* * *

**A/N: Yes Dr Phil knows everything. . . **


	18. My Smile

**A/N: Huh? What's this development?**

* * *

**Chapter 17**

**My Smile**

**Edward's POV**

I had Bella on my back, carrying her up the stairs. I had to prove to her somehow that I was completely recovered. She kept insisting that I take it easy; which was code for _us _taking it easy as well.

It was fucking torture.

Bella obviously had it in her head that just because I was _convalescing_—as Carlisle put it—it extended to _every _physical part of me. She was so completely cavalier when it came to touching and kissing me, it was as though she thought I wouldn't be able to do anything even if I wanted to. It had become increasingly hard for me to remain in control. All my primitive brain could focus on was all the lustful things I'd envisioned doing with her now that she was finally mine.

We'd been on the sofa watching a DVD with Alice and Jazz. Though _watching_ was a widespread interpretation for those two. They'd stopped watching during the opening credits and began _slopping _over each other—as Bella would say—with Jazz, getting so hands on it was becoming fucking inappropriate.

The jackass seemed to think that just because I had a girlfriend too, there was a new set of rules that meant he could feel up my sister in front of me.

I'd struggled to keep the anger from making me tense, as Bella, who was sitting curled up into the side of me, surveyed them with secret amusement. Only moments before she'd been kissing every finger on my hand slowly and tenderly as she trailed her fingertips absently up and down my leg. The heat had immediately prickled up the back of my neck, before it shot down my body, giving me an immediate fucking boner.

Bella still evoked a feverish reaction from me, only now it had amplified to ridiculous freaking heights that had Carlisle constantly convinced that I had some kind of secondary infection.

Her hand reached up and cupped my cheek, and she turned my face to meet her gaze—just as my throbbing erection faded by the prick Jazz with his hands all over my sister.

"Don't watch them, Edward," she said softly, still smiling; only it had changed to that smile she reserved only for me. A smile that was kind of an affectionate tenderness that mirrored in her eyes. It tormented me because it always tore me straight down the middle of wanting to hold her in my arms, to ripping the clothes from her body.

I was lost, jarred; just as I always was when she turned her gaze to me. I opened my mouth about to say something stupidly charming, when she closed her mouth over mine and all cognitive thought faded from my mind.

I pulled her tightly to me as she grabbed fistfuls of my shirt, dragging me to her. I could never get her close enough, and it didn't help that she immediately backed away—obviously remembering my _convalescing_ state—her grip on me slackening; her lips against mine closing.

I groaned, but she mistook it for pleasure, her lips that were still pressed to mine, curled upwards. She broke away and began teasing me to the point of psychological torture by kissing my neck and ear—always the ear; she had some kind of fixation with my ears. But still, her lips were hot against my already torched skin, and it was freaking agony!

"Bella?" I whispered, my voice breaking and going slightly higher.

"Mmm?" She continued to kiss my neck, before making her way back to my earlobe as her fingers curled through my hair.

Oh god, she was sucking my ear!

I groaned again, this time with conquered desire, my skin reaching boiling point.

What was I about to ask her?

I was still peripherally aware that on the sofa opposite ours _Pixie Pie_ and _Jazzy_ had stepped it up a notch. My groan this time was exasperated, my coherency snapping back instantly. Bella tried to smother back a laugh, and her breath blew out against my neck, that did nothing to ease my frustration.

I stood up a little too quickly, pulling her with me and had to pull out all the stops to prevent the moan from escaping my lips as my ribs objected sharply. She gazed at me questioningly, her eyebrows bunching together with confusion.

"We're going up stairs. Either that or I break _Jazmina's_ neck." I tried to sound all self-assured and charismatic, but my heart was thudding heavily, only adding to the discomfort of my already fucked up body.

The smile again, knowing tenderness, as she paused to briefly contemplate it. "Okay."

Taking her hand, I led her to the stairs where she stopped me, a frown working into her expression. "Edward … you're still recovering."

"Bella," I paused to sigh, "it's been four _bloody_ weeks," I teased her warmly, though it was nowhere near as sexy when I said it.

Again the smile, only edged with skepticism. I groaned internally.

"Want me to prove it?" I challenged her.

She tilted her head, her smile fading only slightly, obviously wanting me to, but weighing up whether I really should attempt it in my current condition; my condition that she still blamed herself for.

I released the air from my lungs, an audible expression of both affection and concern; she was way too old for seventeen.

Without waiting for her answer, I hoisted her onto my back. My abdomen protested immediately, but I ignored it; it was tolerable.

"See? You believe me now?" I glanced at her over my shoulder, noting her surprise, as a broad grin spread across my face. Call me a Neanderthal, but it was important to me that as her boyfriend, she was aware that I wasn't pitifully fucking decrepit.

"You big faker!" she teased me, almost making me baulk.

I could feel my expression transfix with indignation. I had tried everything I could, unsuccessfully, for the past two weeks to get her to believe I was recovered—enough to venture past our gentle_ slopping; _at least, gentle only on her part.

The smile she flashed me only partially melted my exasperation. She kissed me again, a little deeper than what I was used to, before pulling away only fractionally.

"I'm sorry, Edward," she murmured. Her breath washed over my lips, and it was practically cool against the heat that was swelling through me.

I broke into a grin, the same goofy grin that she'd probably become accustomed to, and began scaling the stairs carefully, wishing I could run her up two at a time. The dull ache clawed deep inside my stomach but was quickly overshadowed by my throbbing dick again as she kissed the back of my neck and played with my ears.

When we reached the landing, she insisted on climbing off my back, and I took her hand and led her into my room; closing the door behind us. Then, taking me by complete surprise, she threw herself into my arms, and wrapped her legs tightly around my waist. I thought I was going to fucking collapse, and it must have been my erection alone that kept me upright.

She kissed me with a new fervor, running her fingers through my hair before encircling her arms securely around my neck. Opening her mouth to me, her tongue connected against mine, causing a fucked up primitive arousal in me that burned my skin. A deep muffled moan erupted from me, vibrating against her lips.

She pulled away, her eyebrows pulling slowly together.

"Edward—you're hot." She was breathless, and her eyes that had darkened to flames of brown were also burning with concern.

I grinned at her. "And you're beautiful." I bent down to kiss her again just as _my_ _smile_ was twitching at her lips.

My stomach began to ache with the weight of her, coupled with all the circulation that was now concentrated and expanding painfully in my groin. I put her down on her feet, continuing to hold her tightly to me, our lips not breaking apart as I kissed her with growing intensity.

In no time I began to get a serious crick in my neck that was distracting me and threatening to deflate my hard-on. Picking her up, I carried her to the bed where she again grabbed hold of my shirt and pulled me with her until I was lying flat on top of her. I quickly pulled myself up onto my palms, as my restricted fucking dick pounded in anticipation.

I had to get my jeans off before I snapped in two, but it wasn't like I could be an assuming bastard and just take them off. As far as I knew, all Bella wanted to do was fool around.

I pulled back; Bella's eyes were ignited, her face ruddy and hot—and it was fucking hard to tear my gaze from her lips; her pouty lips that were red and slightly swollen.

"Bella, do you want me to stop?" I asked her, trying to maintain some control over my shortened breath.

She gazed into my eyes for the longest time, her eyes infinite, her chest rising and falling in sync with mine. Then, _that_ _smile_ slowly lit up across her face. She only shook her head slowly in answer before her hand reached behind my neck, pulling me down to meet her lips again.

With one hand on the bed beside her, supporting my weight precariously, I used the other to attempt to undo my jeans clumsily. As I fumbled with the button, I almost lost my hold above her. I broke away from her lips, turning my head to see what the hell I was doing, when her hands came to my jeans unbuttoning and unzipping them gingerly.

Instant relief.

I suppressed a moan, before pulling us to our knees. My jeans slipped down my hips, and I pressed my mouth hungrily to hers again, while her lips parted painfully slow.

Her hands began to inch under my shirt before she wrapped them fully around my back beneath it; they almost felt as if they were burning me. I broke off momentarily to pull my shirt over my head and toss it over the side of the bed.

Again, Bella lay back, pulling me against her a little too hastily. I lost my balance and my chest crashed against hers.

"I'm sorry, baby," I mumbled into her neck, after the pain finished convulsing through me. Tentatively, I pulled her top half off her, supporting my weight on one elbow.

Bella made some murmuring, incoherent reply before wrapping her fingers through my hair. She kissed me again hotly, as I tentatively slipped my palm under her shirt, sliding it up as I went; her skin was so fucking soft and supple beneath my fingers. I tore my lips from hers and pulled back so I could gaze down at her, with my heart pounding mercilessly behind my ribs. She smiled again, tender affection, then took my hand and slid it up to cup over her breast. My eyes followed as another surge of fucked up horniness forced me fully erect. I collapsed against her, kissing her hard, and with my jeans hovering around my knees, I was suddenly digging hot and hard against her lower stomach.

"Edward?"

_Mom?_

I panicked; my heart suddenly accelerating until I was practically buckling over in pain. Mom was coming in! In fact, she sounded like she was already in the room.

My eyes suddenly snapped open, and I blinked with confusion. Bella was gone and I was laying on my back, breathless and sweaty, my stomach protesting violently with each sharp intake of air. I was hotter than hell and had the biggest, raging hard on of my life as I stared into my mother's warm, cheerful eyes.

It was a dream—of course it was a fucking dream!

"Hey, honey, I'm just bringing your medication to you. You slept like a log last night; I didn't want to wake you." Her eyes then dipped _down_, and a small smirk tugged at her lips.

_Oh Jesus!_

"Mom!" I exclaimed in protest, quickly turning on my side and wincing as pain shot through me.

"I'm sorry, honey. I'll go now." She placed the pills and a glass of water on my side table and turned to leave, but not before I caught a glimpse of the amused smirk on her face broadening.

Groaning softly to myself, I tentatively turned over onto my back again, bringing my hands to my face and running them back through my hair in growing frustration.

I gave myself a few minutes for my heart to steady and my hard on to disappear. It had remained hard, despite the fact that my mother had spied it. But then my entire body was still pulsating from the freaking dream!

I turned my attention to the painkillers. I didn't really like taking them, and unless I made sudden movements, or did anything too vigorous—which included erotic dreams about Bella—I wasn't in that much pain. They made me spacey, and I generally only took them to keep Mom happy.

Reaching over, I grabbed one pill leaving the other, shoved it in my mouth and washed it down with a quick gulp of water.

A knock at the door.

The little rat, judging from the very _un_-Alice-like courtesy behind it; Un-Alice-like until recently, that is.

She popped her head around the door a moment later. "Hey, Edward, Mom said you were awake."

She stepped into the room apprehensively, her face tender and full of emotion—just as it had been every time she looked at me these days.

"What do you want, Alice?" I asked her, sitting myself up with awkward clumsiness and feeling the smile twitch at my lips. Despite that fact that the little rat had barely given me a minute to myself since I'd come home, her presence gave me a weird kind of comfort.

Her eyes met mine and she grinned back. "Can't I hang out with my brother?" she answered with feigned indignation.

"You hung out with me all day yesterday, if you've forgotten," I teased her, when inside I felt like shit. Alice felt responsible for what had happened, and to make it infinitely fucking worse, so did Bella.

I'd heard Alice speaking to her the night before on the phone as I was walking past her room. She'd spoken Bella's name and I'd stopped dead in my tracks and shamelessly tilted my head closer to her door. Though, I don't think I would have been able to walk away if I tried.

"Bella, don't say that! It's _not _your fault. That bastard Newton was the one spreading bullshit." Alice's tone had been as furious as it was insistent.

_Bella blamed herself?_ My heart had jarred with guilt at the notion of it. I was the one who'd acted like a complete prick; none of it was her fault.

Why would she blame herself?

Alice spoke again.

"How could you tell him? He didn't give you a chance to. Edward can be such a hot-head sometimes."

I'd groaned inwardly. _Fucking little rat!_

I'd tactfully asked Alice, while I was still in the hell hole they call hospital, if Bella was likely to visit again. I hated the thought that she had seen me when I was unconscious. Idiot Emmett had taken a photo of me, and I looked fucking hellish at best. Her second visit, when I was incoherent, I barely recalled. Alice had explained gently, as if it would upset me—which pissed me off—that it had been very hard for Bella the first two times and to give her some time.

In truth, I was surprised Bella had come to see me at all. It was more than I'd expected—or hoped for. I assumed she'd never want to speak to me again, and after everything I had put her through, I could hardly blame her.

"You okay? You're spacing out a bit," Alice asked me, breaking me from my thoughts.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I replied absently.

She didn't push me on it, when a couple of weeks ago she wouldn't have been able to let it go.

"So, Jazz is coming around today to watch a DVD. Do you want to join us?"

"So I can watch him feel you up? No thanks," I retorted dryly.

She folded her arms, immediately indignant. "When exactly has that ever happened?" she demanded.

Old Alice, I liked it.

I broke into an immediate grin. She had a point and it should have made the dream all the more unrealistic. Jazz would never have had the nerve to grab her tits while I was in the room—whether I was _convalescing_ or not.

"Okay, I'll think about it," I replied, rubbing my forehead with my fingertips. I closed my eyes momentarily allowing flashes of the dream to seep back to me. My temperature immediately hiked, but I pushed it back hastily before anything else could react.

In front of mom was bad enough, but in front of Alice!

It was a dream, nothing more.

When I looked back up at Alice she was gazing at me, and the guilt in her eyes was suddenly intensifying. "Edward ... I'm really sorry about..."

I exhaled deeply; she was apologizing again?

"Alice," I complained quietly but firmly, "you've apologized every day, at least ten times a day. How many times do I have to tell you? None of it was your fault!"

"I know, but we had a fight and then..." She let her voice trail off, her eyes burning with pain.

I barely remembered the argument we'd had. I barely remembered much from that night. Still, it hadn't prevented the remorse Alice felt over it, but I couldn't keep hearing her apologize for it. It only made me feel like more of a fucking prick!

"Alice," I mumbled half groaning. "Do you want me to throw you out?" My tone was jaded, despite my efforts to sound teasing.

She immediately smirked and raised her eyebrows skeptically. "And see you cry like a little girl? Most definitely."

I sighed shortly and smiled to myself, secretly relieved.

"Okay," she added quickly, her expression going tender again. "I'll see you downstairs later?"

"Yeah." I sighed with feigned reluctance.

She grinned at me, dropped her bottom lip in an over exaggerated pout, and pretended to play a violin.

I scowled at her, but it was all bullshit. I wasn't pissed at the little rat; I didn't think I was able to be at that point.

She started chuckling softly, affectionately, before she threw her arms impulsively around my neck, only for a spasm of pain to immediately paralyze me. I drew in my breath sharply, and reflexively pulled away.

"Oh, Edward!" she gasped urgently. "I'm so sorry."

It was a ferocious stabbing pain and it was gone just as quickly as it came, but I felt feeble and fucking pathetic.

"I'm okay," I mumbled.

Alice took an exasperated breath then grinned at me in a shrewd kind of way. "Don't be impatient. You just have to suck it up and let yourself heal."

"Mmm okay, now get out and give me room to breathe already," I replied, my voice rising with feigned irritation.

I really _was_ irritated—I was fucking pissed at myself.

She kissed my cheek quickly before I had a chance to protest, then left the room mumbling something about _Jazzy._

I closed my eyes and groaned softly. As much as I enjoyed Alice's company—as long as she wasn't consumed with guilt—I wished I had the good sense to decline an afternoon with her and Jazz. She was seventeen and she and Jazz had been together for almost a year. I wasn't an idiot; I knew they'd advanced beyond holding hands, but being forced to endure an hour of them, whilst they barely remembered I was in the room, was bone crunching torture.

There was no way of getting out of it though. Alice promptly came to physically drag me down stairs a couple of hours later, and she and Jazz did not contradict my expectations.

At some point, I heard Alice mumble—while her mouth was still pressed against Jazz's exposed skin, I wasn't entirely sure where—I didn't trust losing my shit by finding out—that I was in the room and watching. She said it as if I was some freaking pervert, when in reality I'd made every effort to ignore them, or at least pretend I was oblivious. I needed fucking blinders to keep from peripherally seeing the prick that was her boyfriend and where he was running his hands. My skin crawled and mingled with my intensifying anger.

Okay, so Jazz wasn't technically feeling her up, but he wasn't far off it either, and now that I thought about it, dreaming about Jazz feeling up my sister—even though it was technically about Bella—was pretty fucked up.

I groaned loudly, hoping it would alert them to my discomfort. When it was clear they hadn't heard me—or were ignoring me—I pulled myself gingerly off the sofa, and headed into the kitchen to get a drink; neither one of them noticed me leave. It was times like these, when I was the odd one out between Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum that I'd usually just jump in my car and save my sanity by getting the fuck out of there. But since it was now scrap metal, and I'd had my license suspended, _and_ I had been grounded for a month by Mom, I was forced to either endure it, or hide in my room. Mom had taken out my TV, so all my room offered was isolation alone with my thoughts.

Not fucking appealing at this point.

I leaned against the refrigerator door, closed my eyes and sighed, while trying in vain not to let my thoughts probe deeper than the present moment. Projections of the dream kept floating back to me, keeping me just on the cusp of an erection, while knowing that if I jerked off it'd probably kill me.

Emmett entered the room then and slapped me sharply on the back; the jolt caused my coke to fizz and splash me in the face. I huffed impatiently, when the next thing I knew, he was dragging me by the collar of my shirt and forcing me to sit down at the breakfast table.

"What!? Jesus, Emmett!" I protested, as my stomach locked up in pain. I attempted to prevent it from reflecting in my expression so the asshole couldn't see what he was doing to me—no doubt unsuccessfully.

He sat opposite me at the table, his expression darkening. "Now that Mom and Dr. Seuss are out, it's time you and I had a little heart to heart."

I had the urge to groan loudly and was on the verge of saying something sarcastic and wise ass, but there was something dangerous about his expression. Something I'd never seen before that made me immediately reconsider.

He took a deep breath in before locking his eyes with mine in a way that was almost threatening—if it wasn't mixed with an emotion Emmett rarely showed: vulnerability.

"If you ever pull that shit again and hurt Mom and Alice the way you did, I'll make sure a coma is the best thing you could hope for." His tone was low and humorless and was a complete contradiction to what his eyes were reflecting, and I knew that while he hadn't mentioned it, he was telling me that it included him as well.

I felt the smile tug at my lips, despite the grievous look in Emmett's eyes that darkened the broader my grin became. "Gee, thanks, Bro, and here I was thinking you didn't care."

He scowled at me becoming genuinely pissed off, before his eyes flashed craftily and narrowed as a hint of a smirk began to transform his expression. "Be very careful, Edna. My room is next to yours, don't forget, and one day I might just let it slip to Little Miss Down Under that you say her name in your sleep."

I immediately froze, feeling my blood begin to run cold.

Emmett's grin quickly turned smug. "That's what I thought, and I'm completely serious, asshole!"

I was well aware of just how thin the wall was that separated our bedrooms. It was hard to ignore; he snored louder than a fucking grizzly. Plus, I had the unfortunate fucked up privilege of knowing what Emmett and Rosalie said to each other while their activities made my window pane vibrate as his headboard banged against the common wall. It was a fucking cringe inducing thought, but at the same time, I knew he wasn't bluffing.

If I'd heard him then he'd definitely heard me.

Begrudgingly, I raised my eyes to meet his. He pulled his eyebrows up in emphasis, and I nodded in submission with a half shrug.

He immediately broke into a sly, satisfied grin. "I'm glad we had this chat, Edith. Now go and put a jacket on; you're cold aren't you?" His eyes were crinkling in that wise ass way of his. I only stared at him blankly as a small ripple of panic began building in the pit of my stomach.

Over the last few days or so, he'd been making comments about me being cold, with the same sly look on his face. The same look he had when he'd caught Bella and me on the sofa.

The ripple in my stomach turned into a fucking wave.

How could he possibly know? He couldn't—unless he'd heard me say it in my sleep.

I abandoned that thought but with a lingering sense of panic; I knew I wasn't that good a sleep talker.

The doorbell chimed, and Emmett's grin broadened as he got up from the chair. "That'll be Rosie."

Preferring the company of Alice and Jazz to the confinement of my room, or the alarm that Emmett's gibes arose in me, I wandered back into the living room. Jazz and Alice were actually paying attention to the movie by this point, despite the fact that Alice was sitting on Jazz's lap. Ironically, they seemed to fucking resume groping one another the minute I sat down. I glanced over at them in exasperation and I caught where the pissant had his hands. My eyes narrowed and I was on the verge of bursting out my impatience, when Emmett's deliberately loud, booming fucking voice made the words die on my lips.

"Rose, babe! I'm so glad you're here! I'm _so _cold when you're gone!"

It didn't register immediately; after all, it was just Emmett being a dickhead.

Jazz snorted before Alice clamped her hand over his mouth, while Rose groaned with her usual exasperation when it came to Emmett. "Why the hell do you keep saying that? What do you want me to do anyway? Put a sweater on!"

All at once, realization hit me, and I groaned loudly, not even bothering to muffle it. I glared at Alice with immediate suspicion, as I felt my fucking mortification burn in my ears.

Had she worked it out? She knew everything else about me, it made sense that she'd be aware of the fucked up way my body temperature reacted to Bella.

I was watching her, folding my arms across my chest with growing annoyance at the way her obvious amusement was winning the battle against her attempts to keep a straight face.

"Alice?" I asked her in a low voice. She looked up at me, her face instantly straightening out, guiltily. "Can I talk to you a minute?"

Her eyes widened, the twitching smile evaporating from her lips. "Sure."

I grabbed her arm and all but dragged her into the kitchen, too agitated to acknowledge the way my stomach reacted violently, before I rounded on her. "Okay so you worked it out—not that it wasn't half obvious—but did you have to spill it to Emmett? Jesus, Alice!"

To my utter surprise, she laughed. "Edward, I didn't tell Emmett a thing."

"W-what do you mean?" I asked her faltering, suddenly insecure.

She grinned warmly, yet ruefully, before she began with obvious delicacy, "Edward ... you told Bella you get cold when you're not around her last week in hospital."

Fuck me sideways...

The thought of being killed the week before suddenly seemed very fucking appealing.

I closed my eyes, letting out my breath that slowly turned into a frustrated, completely exasperated groan. Then, bowing my head, I covered my face from Alice with my hands, as my face burned with absolute humiliation.

"Edward, you were saying some strange things. I doubt she would have taken much notice."

I might have believed her if her eyes weren't glinting with both amusement and fucking pity.

I had no doubt Bella knew I was speaking the truth. She'd spent enough time around me to know that I all but broke into a fucking sweat and removed half my clothes in her vicinity. She never mentioned it, but she'd definitely noticed. It was the way she'd often smile to herself, shrewdly—owning my ass to the very end; making me doubt everything I thought I knew about myself. She did not fucking smile at me the way she had in my dream; she never had!

She knew. She turned me into a fucking sauna, and now she was well aware of it.

If it was the week of nightmares becoming a reality then surely I was done.

* * *

**A/N: It was a dreeeeeaaaaam! Yes I'm evil.**


	19. Consequences

**A/N: Fuck me, I hope I get these chapters in right order...**

* * *

**Chapter 18**

**Consequences**

**Edward's POV**

I spent the rest of the afternoon in my room, not in the mood to witness the lengths Emmett would take his new source of bullshit over me. Besides, I had a ton of school-work to catch up on. It was actually therapeutic; the mundaneness of it kept Bella from my thoughts long enough to drag some of my wilting fucking dignity back in place.

A couple of hours later I'd finished all the assigned English work I was given and was starving. Heaving myself off my bed, I stretched, ignoring the aching tug on my abdomen before I headed out to get something to eat.

As soon as I stepped on the lower floor I caught the sound of Jazz's fucking loud, idiotic laughter practically rebounding off the walls, and because I was nothing but a masochistic wank these days, I decided to find out what was going on. Ducking my head around the entrance to the living room, I spotted Emmett sitting on the sofa, with Alice and Jazz still on the adjacent one, dressed like he was going on an expedition to the fucking Antarctic, complete with fur trimmed hooded parka and ear muffs. Rose was not in the room, so I assumed she'd gone home, and Jazz was laughing so hard, the pissant had tears running down his face, while Emmett sat completely straight faced watching the DVD with them.

I only scoffed to myself, almost breaking into a grin; he was such a dickhead.

Emmett kept his outfit on for the rest of the afternoon and throughout dinner. He said nothing to me, but completely pissed off Mom, who ordered him to take it off. I got through my meal as quickly as I could before Mom and Carlisle began inquiring why he was dressed the way he was, and why the freaking little rat found so much amusement in it.

I finished dinner first, leaving Alice's laughter behind me as I went upstairs; exempt from chores for the present. I found myself tiring easily still, and it frustrated the shit out of me by how much of a fucking cripple I was. I'd slept at least twelve hours a night the last few nights, even in hospital where the nurses didn't bother lowering their voices while they talked about intimate details of their husbands' affairs with one another.

I dreamed of Bella again. It was almost identical to the one I'd had the previous night, with me waking up right as I was taking her clothes off, harder than granite, my heart pounding so heavily my fucking bed seemed to shake from it.

I realized again that this smile I was dreaming about was bullshit too. When Bella smiled at me it was always with suspicion.

Proof she'd never trusted me.

**...**

The following day, while Alice and Emmett were at school, I kept myself busy finishing my homework. Finals were looming and I had no way of knowing how much I'd missed. If it had anything to do with the degree of work Alice had picked up for me, I was considerably behind; probably more than the two weeks I'd missed.

By the time they arrived home again, I'd managed to get through three quarters of all the work, was seeing fucking double, and was glad for company other than Mom's. She'd fussed over me non-stop until I found myself craving Emmett's ridicule—at least that eased my fucking guilt to a certain degree. Mom hadn't yelled at me or given me one single pissed off look; she'd even grounded me and removed my television with fucking loving tenderness. It only made me feel like more of the bastard I was.

Alice felt the need the fill me in on everything that was fucking happening at school; though, I suspected she was purposefully avoiding mentioning Bella. And just as I was working up the courage to ask about her, giving up on the hope of idiot Emmett leaving the room first, the doorbell chimed. Alice sprung to her feet opening the door a few moments later, while I looked through the window, seeing the red Jeep in the driveway just as my heart fucking stalled, and just as I heard Alice exclaim, "Hey, Bella!"

"Hey, Alice," Bella's voice was warm and clear and in that weird ass accent of hers that did fucking primitive things to me. "I came to see Edward ... i-if that's okay."

I was beginning to feel fucking typically overheated; this was despite the fact that I was suddenly in the midst of a growing erection.

"Of course it's okay. Come in," Alice replied in her usual fucking over the top cheerfulness.

"Not so cold now, are you, Edwina?" Emmett asked me, smirking to himself like a fucking asshole.

Huffing, I threw him an immediate warning glare, that if he humiliated me, I didn't care if I fucking killed myself, I would end him, but the asshole only snorted at it.

If I could ever get over telling Bella that she made me hot, my idiot brother would make sure it didn't last too fucking long.

Bella followed Alice into the room, her eyes immediately catching mine, but this time my heart jolted. There was something behind them that made me feel immediately uneasy.

She smiled warmly at me, but there was something ... detached about her expression.

"Geez, it's good to see you, Bella. You always make me feel _so_ warm!"

Fuck my life!

Fuming quietly, I felt the heat immediately transfer from my dick to my ears. It was amazing how fast feeling like a fucking idiot could deflate it.

Bella's gaze pulled from mine to glance at Emmett, before she grinned, but looking kind of self-conscious at the same time. "Hi, Emmett."

He winked at her, before Alice grabbed him by the arm. "We were just leaving."

Alice pulled him out of the room, but I remained on freaking tenterhooks with my heart stalled, waiting for him to say something else that would make me look like a complete fucking idiot. He didn't, but I continued to hold my breath until he was completely out of sight before I quietly exhaled and turned back to Bella.

She'd watched them completely leave the room, before looking down at the ground and taking a deep breath. But when her eyes rose to meet mine again, they were deep like they always are, but there was something else... I smiled at her, fucking awkwardly, and she returned it, but something behind her eyes flickered, her forehead creasing with it.

"Do you want to go for a walk ... or something?" I asked her, rubbing the back of my neck and breaking her gaze.

"Sure," she answered, quietly.

I walked her to the front door, held it open for her and followed her out; keeping a safe distance behind her. Not that it made any difference; I was already fucking over heated enough to want to rip my sweater off. But I didn't, because she'd know why now.

When I stepped outside behind her, she stopped me.

"Edward ... do you want to just sit here?" She motioned toward the swinging chair that hung from the ceiling of the porch.

Shoving my shaking freaking hands in my pockets, I nodded.

She sat down first and clamped her hands stiffly in her lap, her brow creasing deeply. She seemed to be in some kind of internal debate with herself, or maybe it was just the fact that my very presence made her just as fucking uncomfortable as it always did.

Frowning, I released my breath softly, before sitting beside her. Whatever the fuck that was bothering her was making me feel a sense of inevitability, and I just wanted to get it over and fucking done with.

She gazed down at her hands for the longest time, and it was evident by this point that whatever the hell she came here to say I wasn't going to like it.

"Bella," I began, resigned by this point. She looked up at me, her eyes widening. "Just say it, whatever it is..." I sighed again, heavily; they were not the words I wanted to say. I wanted to tell her I was sorry—again. As fucking comical as that was.

She cleared her throat softly, glanced down at her hands again, before turning squarely to meet my gaze. Her eyes looked fucking injured. "Edward, I really like you. I ... I do."

Fuck...

I wanted to fucking laugh ironically. I'm not sure why, maybe because considering the dreams I'd been having about her, the reality was fucking poetic. But just as quickly, I began to feel edgy and uptight again. "But ...?" I pressed her, reaching up to rub my forehead with the tips of my fingers, stiffly.

"But, it's not a good idea," she admitted, softly, her brow bunching again as if it pained her to say it.

"Bella ... I know I've screwed things up, but I realize ..." I allowed my voice to fade off before running a frustrated hand through my hair. I was sounding more and more pathetic. I needed a different strategy.

She bit down on her bottom lip, her eyes severing from mine again just as her expression seemed to break for a moment. I gazed at her, not knowing what the hell was going through her mind, while fighting the urge to reach out to her. She looked so lost and unsure of herself. I mean, she looked like that pretty much every day, but this time it was ... different…

"Edward ... I-I need to be able to trust you, but I can't." Her voice rose stubbornly, but began to waver.

I felt my pulse quicken. I was losing her. I was losing her _a-fucking-gain_, and this time it wasn't about her having the advantage over me, but I couldn't allow it. I refused!

"You _can _trust me, Bella," I insisted, but I sounded too desperate; too fucking needy.

She shook her head slowly but adamantly while her eyes, that were locked to her lap, closed. She sighed, and it sounded ... defeated.

"No ... I can't, Edward," she insisted, but this time her voice caught.

She looked like she was on the verge of tears, and it was confusing the fuck out of me. I had no idea what she was trying to convey, and it frustrated me. This was on top of beginning to feel fucking anxious and edgy, and fighting the urge to pull her into my arms and tell her I'd never hurt her again. No doubt that would end well, and I'd be an idiot to think she'd ever believe me.

I had to get a fucking grip.

"Bella?" She looked up, her eyes ignited with ... guilt? "Bella ... let me prove it to you. You _can _trust me." I kept my voice soft but adamant, forcing back the sense of panic I was struggling with. Then apprehensively, I reached out and took her hand in mine. My hands were fucking shaking and clammy, but I didn't give a shit; I would _not_ lose her again.

I wrapped both my hands around hers when I suddenly noticed the condition it was in; it was cut and heavily bruised. "What ... did you do to your hand?" I asked slowly.

"I thought Alice told you already," she replied with indifference, and instantly I felt a surge of anger boil through me.

I just sat gazing down at her small little hand in mine, feeling the heat burning my face, while my whole body was so rigid with anger my ribs began to pound.

That fucking weasel did _this _to her! I was going to fucking _kill_ that little pissant!

In the next moment, Bella pulled her hands from mine, a huff escaping her. "This is what I'm talking about, Edward!" The volume of her voice rose and was filled with frustration. "You're so _unpredictable!"_

I shook my head, and opened my mouth to reply, when she suddenly rose from the seat and turned to face me' her expression almost stricken. Her eyes flickered to the cut above my eye—the cut her asshole cousin gave me. "It's not going to work, Edward! Look at what I bring out in you—at what I've _done_ to you—"

She was blaming herself?

I interrupted her immediately, getting to my feet in an instant, and ignoring the grinding pain in my stomach; though, I suspected Bella was acutely aware of it. "What you've done to me? Bella, Jesus, none of this was your fault!"

She only continued to stare at me, her eyes fixating on my injured face, and her forehead knotting more deeply the longer she stared; making me feel fucking exposed and open.

Eventually, she tore her eyes from me and shook her head, more or less to herself. "I have no idea who I am, Edward. I-I have to find out how to live ... without her,"

I had no idea what she was suddenly talking about, but it gave me hope that this wasn't wholly about me.

"Bella..." I coaxed her gently until she raised her head and met my gaze again, "please trust me."

"Edward, this isn't your fault. I bring out the worst in people. Ever since I arrived here, you and Jacob have been at each other's throats, now you and Mike Newton. I've got to unhinge myself from the disaster that I've become." She sounded angry—at herself, and to make matters worse, she was deadly serious.

"Bella—" I began, but she interjected.

"Edward, can you just ... stay away." Her voice caught, and she hastily turned her head, avoiding my gaze altogether to rub her forehead.

Stay away? Now she was just delusional.

"Bella …" I began, feeling a smirk edge on my face, "you know I'll never do that."

She whipped her head back around to meet my gaze, her entire face clouding in obvious frustration. "This isn't a joke, Edward!"

I only shrugged as a small smile curved on my lips, and knowing I was now acting like a total arrogant prick.

She released her breath into a long drawn out sigh that bordered on an all-out groan. I fought the urge to grin. I was taking back the momentum, and in doing so I was distracting her. If it was going to work, I was going to stick to it.

She reached up and this time looked like she was trying to rip the skin from her forehead. "Do you really like who you are when you're trying to ... _charm_ me, Edward?"

"Do I charm you, Bella?" I was a complete asshole.

The only thing was she didn't even look close to cracking; she only looked more determined. Folding her arms across her chest in a self-assured way—that was completely out of character for her—she threw me a cynical, sarcastic smile. "Sometimes you do, but most of the times you're just an annoying, cocky _wanker_!"

I faltered for a moment, feeling like she'd fucking slapped me, but immediately felt my resolve cement back in place. I knew well enough how stubborn she was, and it only fueled me. "You like me because I'm an annoying, cocky wanker."

For a second I thought she _would_ slap me; her hands balled into fists and her expression began to darken to the point that she was glaring at me. "What's the matter with you?!" she demanded. "You think you have to win at all cost? I'm not playing games with you, Edward. You're all WRONG for me—don't you get it?!" Tears sprang to her eyes, and she spun on her heal and took a step away from me when I quickly reached out and grabbed her hand.

"Bella, wait," I said, seriously this time. It wasn't about advantage anymore and who had it. These last few months I'd been playing Bella, and I hadn't learnt a single thing about her. She didn't respond to me like other girls did, and when I tried to force her into it, she buried me under my own arrogance. "I-I'm sorry."

She made me fight for her.

When she turned back to me, her eyes were pleading. "Please, Edward. I'm so tired of this," she whispered.

My heart sank heavily. "Bella, "I began tentatively, as if the slightest raise in my voice would be detrimental, "I'll do whatever you want me to do, but … I can't stay away."

She only stared at me as if she was trying to read the contents of my freaking soul, before with a sudden surge of impatience she ripped her hand from mine again. "You don't even know me, Edward—so _why_?"

That, I had no answers for. I only stared into her deep, deep dark brown eyes and tried to find it within them. Why was she so different that I was going near out of my fucking mind over her?

I shook my head slightly, helplessly.

This only seemed to piss her off more, and injure her at the same time. "You don't _know_?"

"Bella—" I broke off and ran both my hands back through my hair in a fit of frustration, "I've been asking myself that since the moment I met you!"

My words had hurt her, though they were the most honest ones I'd ever spoken to her.

With her forehead ridged heavily, her eyes slowly welled with tears, and I felt like a bastard!

I wondered if she had any answers, either. What was it about me? What did I do to her?

"How am I supposed to respond to that? You won't leave me alone, even though you have no idea why you even like me—are you fucking kidding me?" she was angry again; angry and becoming more impatient. I couldn't blame her, but I didn't know how to explain it to her so she'd understand—especially, when _I_ didn't even fucking get it, myself.

"I'm sorry..." I answered softly, shrugging helplessly.

She only shook her head to herself, scoffing humorlessly, before her eyes suddenly zeroed in on me, turning hard. "That's fine. You might not know why you like me, but I sure as hell know why I can't _stand _you, and why you'd be the last guy in the school that I'd ever be with!"

She was serious, and it was another fucking blow. She sure as hell didn't mince her words.

"I... " I stammered, sounding like a fucking pussy, when she cut me off.

"What a waste of time you are," she spoke quietly, and with that said she turned around for the second time to leave.

This time I moved to block her path, but undeterred she literally pushed me out of her way. "What!?" she demanded as I struggled to prevent her from seeing how she'd physically hurt me. "What do you want from me? You want to fuck with me—is that it? She raised both her hands, defiantly, her face cold and fucking pale—completely unlike her.

I only shook my head, hastily. "Bella—I didn't mean it like that." My tone was serious, pleading. "I ... I just don't understand..."

Fuck it; I just couldn't explain it how I wanted to.

She shook her head, angry, but then ... not, and seeming openly conflicted all of a sudden.

"Either do I..." She scoffed.

Before I was aware of it, I'd taken a step closer to her. She immediately took a step back, but continued to hold my gaze as I stared at her.

"I'm sorry, Bella," I said sincerely, my voice catching slightly, making me want to cringe.

She only half shrugged, as if conceding, a regrettable smile almost breaking across her face, and for a moment, a brief second where I almost allowed myself a moment to breathe, I thought she was relenting. Her expression broke slightly and she glanced up at me looking torn, before she blinked and her resolve seemed to snap back. "I have to go. Goodbye, Edward."

And again, she turned around to leave.

My pulse quickened and for the second time on impulse, I reached out and grabbed her hand. "Don't leave."

She paused, but didn't turn back to me. She just stood there, her head down, breathing deeply, and even with her back turned to me, it was obvious she was struggling.

Gently, I drew her, just a fraction, to me, but it seemed to break whatever spell had frozen the moment, and she instantly pulled her hand from my grip. Her fingers slipped through mine and then she was gone.

I watched her walk away; there was nothing else I could do.

I had lost the only girl I had ever wanted, and I could only blame myself for it.

She headed to her car without looking back, but I continued to watch her until it became fucking unbearable. Then turning swiftly around, I stepped down the stairs and around to the rear yard, where I entered the house via the kitchen door—all the while fighting an emotion that felt like it was literally ripping my heart through my fucking chest, as red-hot anger was suddenly flowing through me.

I passed Alice and Emmett who were sitting at the kitchen bench. Emmett, the prick he was, immediately opened his mouth to, no doubt, say something fucking clever, when he shut it again without a pause. I only glared at him, willing him to say it, but he didn't.

When I reached my room, I slammed the door shut behind me and locked it. Alice would no doubt be hot on my heels, and I was in no mood for her displays of pity and fucking guilt.

Two.

Five.

Ten minutes later and still no Alice.

I only laughed ironically to myself before heading into the bathroom, where I stared in the mirror at my reflection. My eyes were burning with a thousand fucking emotions, and I could clearly see what I would have no doubt disclosed to Bella. That she'd broken my fucking heart.

I scanned the rest of my face intently, something I'd avoided doing until that moment. It was a pitiful fucking sight. The long graze that covered my cheek and the majority of the left side of my forehead was still scabbed up enough to make me look like I'd been dragged face first along the road. Just under my hair line, on the right side, was the gash that still held seven stitches. It was itchy more than it was painful, but right then it pounded hotly. Finally, my eyes fell to my stitched eyebrow. It should have made me angrier, and maybe under different circumstances it might have, but strangely I was indifferent towards it; even a little relieved. It squared Jacob and me up, and I hoped all the bullshit with him was now finally behind me.

Dipping my head, I took a deep, heavy breath.

How the hell had I expected Bella to react? The last time she'd seen me I'd been making out with fucking Jessica-slutbag-Stanley.

My stomach immediately churned at the thought of it. No wonder I'd got wasted, I'd have to be to—fuck me, it was a good thing I had barely any memory of it, but I hated to think what Bella had seen. Alice had told me Bella never mentioned the exact details of what she'd witnessed, but it wasn't exactly comforting, and I doubted Alice would have told me if she knew, anyway.

I preferred my pain in the ass sister when she was being just that. When she was calling me a Jackass and sending me abusive voice messages. I couldn't stand the way she walked on fucking eggshells around me, and the way she looked at me with so much fucking guilt behind her eyes, ripping her apart inside. It seriously pissed me off! It had nothing to do with her _or_ Bella.

I got drunk and totaled my car. All of it was my own doing!

The knock I'd expected ten minutes ago suddenly sounded at my door. I looked up feeling immediately pissed off and frustrated by the courtesy behind it. If it was under any other circumstances I would have thought it was my mother, but it fit right in with Alice's present behavior.

Walking angrily to the door, I reefed it open. Alice stood there, her expression knotting with concern. I groaned loudly, but not because of her presence—although I had to admit that pissed me off too—but because a sadistic part of me was glad to see her.

"Alice, since when do you fucking knock so politely?!" I exclaimed angrily at her. It seemed like a strange fucking thing to say in light of the situation, and was probably the reason why she was staring up at me as if I'd become unglued.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I-I—" she began, but I immediately interrupted her.

"Jesus, Alice, stop _APOLOGIZING_—and stop treating me like I'm going to fucking snap!" I yelled at her, feeling the heat flush my face angrily while the strain it put on my stomach was burning. I had the sudden urge to slam the door on her, but she stepped in, ducking under my arm that was gripping the door as I contemplated it.

"Like you are now?" Her voice wasn't teasing or even sarcastic, it was quiet and fucking sedate.

"Did you know she was going to do this?" I demanded. My chest went tight again, but I forced myself to breathe past it, pushing my ribs to accommodate it and not giving a shit that the pain was almost buckling me over.

Sighing deeply, then without a word in reply, she turned and sat down on the edge of my bed. Then with a rueful smile, she motioned with her finger for me to join her, patting the space beside her.

I huffed out angrily before my anger stilled a fraction, then begrudgingly sat beside the little rat, running my hand stiffly through my hair. It tugged at the gash on my forehead, but again I ignored it—I deserved it, after all.

"Just tell me," I said in resignation.

"Okay..." She took a deep breath. "I wasn't sure, but I had an idea."

"Well, do you think you could have fucking warned me?" I snapped. If Alice wasn't so busy trying to protect me, I might have been ready when Bella ripped my fucking heart out the way she had.

"_I wasn't sure_," she repeated slowly, before she sighed again. "Look, the way she was the last time she saw you, she could have easily gone the other way."

"Well, obviously she fucking didn't!" I replied sarcastically, jerking my shoulder impulsively and openly fucking wincing.

She just gazed at me for a moment in fucking concern, before she elaborated, "Look, Edward, it's been pretty rough for her the last few weeks, and with everything she's been going through worrying about Kel, you kind of ... recreated it." Her voice dropped gently, and she looked as if it pained her to say it.

But I only sighed again. She'd hit a nerve and I couldn't find it in myself to be pissed at her. I realized I'd made it more real for what was happening with Kel.

I opened my mouth to reply, when Alice quickly continued, "Plus, she's been having a hard time at school."

I felt my forehead immediately bunch. "What do you mean?"

She paused. "They're blaming her for what happened to you, and from what Jazz said they've been pretty relentless," she confessed quietly, her expression cautious again.

I turned to meet her gaze squarely. "Who's _they_?" I asked slowly, growing tense with anger again.

"Most of the school." Her tone went hard.

"What are they doing to her?" I demanded.

"They're ... look, it isn't important, and she's dealing with it now, getting tougher. Today she pretty much ignored it, but Rose said it was pretty hard for her the first day."

I huffed this time and got up from the bed angrily. A sharp stabbing pain in my stomach paralyzed me for a moment, but it only served to piss me off more. "She shouldn't _have _to deal with it!" I began to pace. "Why the fuck would they blame her, anyway?"

No wonder she didn't want anything to fucking do with me!

Alice was quiet, and it took me a moment of fuming to myself before I realized she hadn't answered. I turned to her; she sat shifting uncomfortably, not meeting my gaze.

"Alice?" I prompted her, seriously.

She sighed reluctantly before answering, "Jessica Stanley told everyone that you and Bella were together, and Bella cheated on you with Mike Newton ... so you turned to her the night of the party." She shied away from me as if I was going to blame her for it.

But fuck me!

"Plus, your pal Newton is riding high on it and not denying any of it," she added, sarcastically.

At the sound of that pissant's name I felt myself tense. "What did he do for Bella to hit him?" I asked her slowly, keeping my tone measured, but really wishing I could just end that little fucker.

When Alice told me Bella had hit Newton, she made it sound innocent and funny. But the condition Bella's hand was in proved there was nothing fucking _innocent_ about it.

She paused again, looking more uncomfortable and hesitant. "She said he ... kept trying to ... touch her—nothing like that, just touching her.

I was going to fucking break every one of his fingers.

Alice was quiet, obviously waiting for me to get a grip, before she continued. I was pacing, my hands balled into fists, fucking fuming. My whole body began to ache with it, but I shrugged it off stubbornly. "I'm going to school tomorrow, Alice. I can't have her getting fucking torn to shreds because of me."

She practically scoffed. "You think Mom will let that happen? Besides, Bella point blank refused to listen when I said I was going back to school early to stop it." She sighed deeply, growing more serious. "Edward, do what she asks. Give her time. You have to know how she feels about you, but you _can't_ force her."

I blinked; her words suddenly jolting me.

How did she feel about me, and why wasn't I aware of it? She'd just told me she couldn't stand me.

I wanted to ask Alice, but I hesitated. It was something I had to find out on my own—something I had to hear from Bella. I had to listen to her—really listen. She wanted me to give her space, and I had to fucking do it.

The little rat was right; I couldn't force her. All I had done was push her away, and I had to start getting more honest with myself and what I really felt about her.

Putting my hands on my hips, I hung my head. I had fucked it up, that was certain, but I could give her time. I'd do whatever it took to make it up to her. I didn't fucking like it, but if she wanted me to leave her alone, I would.

Letting go of my breath again, I walked back over to the bed and sat beside Alice, slinging my arm over her shoulder.

"Okay, you're right," I conceded. I felt a ripple of panic plunge through me, but at the same time it was strangely comforting. If it put me on the right path to fix what I'd all but destroyed between the two of us, then I'd do it, and I'd do it with a fucking smile plastered on my face.

**...**

Later, I had to all but shove Alice from my room to get her to leave, hoping it meant she'd finally be able to get past her guilt—guilt she didn't deserve—and maybe I'd be able to get past mine.

I was about to have a shower—I was still on fucking edge—when the fucking pussy music from Simple Plan that Alice listened to started blaring from somewhere inside my room. I walked back from the bathroom to investigate, finding the little rat's iPhone sticking half out from under my bed, lying face down.

Picking it up, I turned it over as my heart immediately quickened. A picture of Bella, smiling awkwardly, was flashing on the screen.

She'd sent Alice a message.

She had a phone? I was supposed to take her to Port Angeles to buy her one, but it had never happened. Instead, the Friday before the party, I'd decided to go all fucking jealous freak on her. I closed my eyes, recalling the horrible way I'd spoken to her and the fucking injured look she'd given me, and felt my heart plummet. I'd hurt her so much, and it was going to fucking plague me forever.

Running my hand back through my hair, I stared down at Bella's face, contemplating the morals of it for no more than five seconds, before I shamefully clicked her text open.

**I'll be OK. I just didn't want to hurt Edward more.**

I stared almost blankly at the words. At first they just seemed like a meaningless jumble of letters, before they slowly became clear to me. Then taking a huge breath in, not even feeling the response in my stomach, I exhaled deeply as a smile crept across my face.

I grabbed my phone and copied Bella's number into my contacts, before stealthily placing Alice's in her bedroom.

**...**

The next day Mom accompanied me to have my stitches removed and get checked over in order to determine whether going back to school at this point was _prudent—_as Carlisle had said.

It didn't matter to me what the doctor said, even what Carlisle said, I would be going to school the next day whether they liked it or not. Even then I was filled with an agitated fucking energy, knowing that my actions were causing Bella pain. The sooner I got back to school to make sure no one fucked with her, the quicker I'd feel at ease. I was impatient to make the shit she was going through stop, first and foremost. Secondly, I wanted to prove that I could do what she asked and keep my distance. I'd make her realize that I wasn't another disaster that unhinged her life; and thirdly, I wanted to see Mike-weasel-Newton's _bicycle accident _first hand. I had to admit, the more I thought of it, the idea of Bella punching that prick seriously turned me on.

I was given a clean bill of health. Apparently, life would carry on as usual with only half a spleen, so long as it did its job without incident. The doctor cracked a couple of jokes about how scars made a guy more attractive and we were allowed to leave.

Afterwards, Mom took me out to lunch. The longer I was with her the more I began to feel completely fucking criminal. Emmett was right, I'd hurt her as well—a fucking lot; every molecule in her eyes were engraved with it. It was the same look I'd seen reflected in Alice's eyes, and in Bella's...

If Bella thought she was a disaster, I'd hate to know what it made me.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading :)**


	20. Apologies

**A/N: Edward back at school and having an epiphany...**

* * *

**Chapter 19**

**Apologies.**

**Edward's POV**

I knew a new kind of hell. It started the next morning as the reality of not having my car hit and I was forced to ride to school with Alice and Jazz.

Alice drove her car that morning, stopping to pick Jazz up, who jumped in the passenger side—Alice had banished me to the back seat—with a quick, "Hey, douche bag," in my direction before he and Alice proceeded with what I seriously fucking hoped was not their morning ritual.

After several minutes, when it began to appear as if they were just warming up, I lost patience and kicked the back of Jazz's seat—only to almost choke on the onslaught of pain that suddenly tore through me.

It worked in separating them long enough for Alice to put the car into gear and pull out of the driveway. However, when they threatened to get into it again at the first red light we came across, I was on the verge of exiting the car and walking the rest of the way to school.

It was a freaking long five minutes.

When we finally arrived, the first thing I noticed, as my heart quickened, was Bella's jeep. She, Jacob and his girlfriend were still inside—as were most of the students that had just arrived—due to the sudden down pour that had hit with only a few minutes until the start of class.

I glanced over at her and was suddenly unable to stall the grin from spreading across my face. Even from where I was in the back seat of Alice's hatchback, and separated by a ten-meter wall of water, I could still see the exasperation in Bella's posture. She had her head bent in her hands, her elbows resting against the steering wheel, while the forms of Nessie and Jake were just visible, making out in the back seat.

At least Alice and _Jazzy_ had some semblance of restraint and kept their affections to a dignified minimum. If you could count the fucking ridiculous amount of times they could say _I love you _in the space of five minutes!

In typical Forks style, the downpour soon fizzled out to a light rain and we were free to exit the car. But whatever Alice and Jazz were doing, it took them a further few minutes. I was all but trapped behind the seats as their muffled _I love yous _stretched my freaking patience to saint-hood.

Eventually their need for air surpassed their obsessive-compulsive need to relay their love to one another and they got out of the car. It allowed me to climb over the passenger seat just as Jacob was walking past.

He glanced over at me with neither an adverse nor friendly expression on his face, before he smirked subtly to himself with an even-tempered, "Welcome back, _Cullen_."

His tone was all but neutral, except for the "Cullen" part, but regardless, it still took me a few moments to grasp the fact that he was addressing me in something other than a threat. But as I continued to gauge him, I realized there was something about the way he was smirking to himself that made me feel slightly uneasy. It was as if he knew something I didn't.

But refusing to get hung up on the pissant, I shrugged my shoulders to myself and let it go.

Jazz glanced over his shoulder and grinned at me with a mocking amount of amusement. "See, dude, all you had to do was almost kill yourself to get Jacob off your back."

Throwing him a sarcastic grin, I heaved my bag on my shoulder, wincing pathetically. The fact that I was too aware that I still hadn't seen Bella walk past took the brunt of the pain, but it still didn't spare me from looking like a fucking geriatric. My thoughts didn't have time to dwell on my crippled state for long, though, because as I stepped out from behind the car with Jazz, shoving my hands into the pockets of my jeans, I immediately found myself staring into Bella's eyes.

My body temperature immediately hiked ten leagues warmer, and I paused; my breath stalling.

She was staring at me, her expression unreadable, while my heart was beating so damn fast it was beginning to make just breathing past my burning stomach almost impossible.

I only stared back at her no doubt like a freak and looking like I was on the verge of having a heart attack—fucking feeble prick that I was—so was it any wonder that she began to appear uneasy. I must have looked like a psychopath, when it suddenly occurred to me that she wasn't staring at me, she was staring _through_ me.

She walked straight past me as if I wasn't there, her eyes dropping to the ground, before she fell into step with Alice. "Hey, Alice," I heard her say quietly.

They continued toward the school building together, when Alice turned back to smile at me, her eyes burning with what looked like fucking sympathy.

I just stood staring after them, feeling fucking gutted; knowing I'd lost everything I'd gained with her and more. She didn't even acknowledge me.

**...**

It would have been easier to stay angry with Bella—easier and a lot less aggravating—but I'd only just made it past first period when I first heard the rumors about her, and realized just how much my actions had fucked her over.

Every idiot who passed me made some stupid comment like, "Oh, Cullen, you're back?"

Yeah, no shit, Sherlock!

At least Eric Yorkie was original, even if he was a complete fucking dick.

I arrived at first period early. Yorkie and a couple of guys were the only ones in the room, and as soon as I took my seat, Eric turned to me. "Hey, Cullen, how's your car?"

I stared at him for a moment, thinking I'd misheard. "Yeah, no good—scrap metal."

"That's a drag," he replied with sincerity, before turning to the guys around him. "It should have been that whore who totaled her car."

They snorted and snickered agreeing with him, and for whatever reason my initial thought was that they were referring to slut-bag Stanley. It was the reason behind my responding smirk, and it gave Yorkie the confidence to turn back to me and add, "Sorry about how she treated you, man. She's nasty, she even messed up Newton. I heard she pushed him off his bike."

I immediately went fucking rigid with anger.

They were talking about Bella and that fucking pissant Yorkie had just called her a whore!

I was on my feet in an instant, ignoring my ribs as they grounded in fucking protest, ready to rip Yorkie's head off as he cowered beneath me.

"What the _fuck_ did you just say?!" I growled at him, my breath quickening, becoming weaker and fucking weaker as I stood over him.

"Shit, man—sorry! I—I didn't realize. Sorry, man!" he stammered, his eyes widening, his face steadily paling.

It was Jazz who removed me from the room before I lost all self-control and either beat the shit out of him, or collapsed like a fucking decrepit.

Once outside, Jazz released his grip on me with an edge of frustration. "Calm down, dude! It's what everyone is thinking, not just Yorkie."

I huffed furiously, needing to lean up against the wall to regain some of my strength.

"What were you going to do anyway? Beat him up and wind up back in hospital, so Bella can realize that you're still the same flighty prick who snapped and beat the crap out of her cousin?" Jazz challenged me.

His words were a fucking blow; I jerked my head up as though he'd punched me. Taking a deep breath in, I exhaled it deeply with a sinking realization that I was still that same person. The person Bella couldn't trust; the person that was unpredictable and acted without thinking; the person she wanted to leave her the fuck alone.

Could I blame her?

Fuck my life!

"You'd think she'd come visit you in hospital this time?" Jazz continued, though he had the decency to lighten the tone of his voice.

"Okay, Jazz, I fucking get it—Jesus!" I snapped, putting my hands on my hips and sighing again. "I didn't realize they were saying _that _shit about her. You think you'd just sit there if they were saying the same shit about Alice?"

Jazz snorted. "I doubt I'd have to. You'd beat me to it."

"Point taken, _Jazmina_!" I snapped in irritation.

Eric Yorkie, red faced and remorseful, was suddenly standing in front of me. "Hey, Edward—I'm really sorry. I-I didn't realize it would upset you."

I shook my head shortly, half impatiently and half out of guilt. "Don't worry about it," I muttered, conceding. "Sorry I took it out on you. Who told you that bullshit anyway?"

"Everyone's saying it ..." he admitted shame-faced.

"Well it's all bullshit!" I seethed.

He nodded quickly, flinching slightly.

Jesus, what a fucking pussy. It wasn't as if I could even do anything to him in the state I was in!

"Dude, just let it go," Jazz said quietly with a sigh and freaking roll of his eyes.

Yorkie disappeared back in the classroom, but I remained outside in an attempt to get a hold of my anger and frustration—and let's face it, self-loathing. It was all because of me that those assholes were saying that shit about her.

Folding his arms, Jazz suddenly smirked at me.

"What?" I challenged him; he was really beginning to piss me off.

He half shrugged before shaking his head lightly to himself. "Surely Alice told you what everyone was saying?"

"She didn't go into detail," I said lowly.

"You do realize that the source of these rumors is Stanley, don't you?" Jazz replied, arching a brow up at me.

I exhaled heavily. "Yeah." I rubbed the back of my neck, struggling with the fucking guilt and the fact that I was really beginning to feel shitty. My stomach was burning and I fought the physical reaction to it with every breath I took. It pissed me off almost as much as what Yorkie had told me.

I knew one thing: I really couldn't blame Bella for treating me like shit that morning. Not after I had released Jessica Stanley on her—again.

"At least this time you know where it started." Jazz raised his eyebrows again in fucking emphasis; though, his meaning wasn't as subtle.

I jerked my shoulders in sudden irritation. "Yeah, look—whatever," I mumbled, before walking without another pause back into class, with one hand wrapped around my stomach.

I needed to sit down as much as I wanted to get away from the fucking reality of what Jazz was implying.

The teacher made a show of welcoming me back, which I suspected was going to be the norm for every class that day. Yorkie and his band of dickheads kept their heads safely averted from mine the entire lesson, while the rest of the class only stared curiously, and fucking gossiped about me as if I wasn't in the class room. I ignored them. I'd had an epiphany and I was unable to rid it from my thoughts.

As I contemplated the rumors about Bella—how stupid and fucking ridiculous they were—I realized how easily they'd seemed to spread, and how hastily I had laid the blame on the first person I'd heard them from. It was under almost exactly the same circumstances when I'd blamed Jacob for the shit going on about Alice—when all he was probably doing was over hearing and relaying what he'd heard—the same thing that I'd confronted Yorkie doing.

If it was true, I had some serious unresolved business with him.

**...**

As the day wore on, the rumors continued. Some like Yorkie felt the need to empathize with me, but most simply whispered them further into bullshit and exaggeration.

Some things that were said were so fucking ridiculous that I laughed when I heard, without even bothering to contradict them.

Newton visiting me in hospital where I woke from my coma just to punch him before going back into it, was one. Though, I vowed soon that wouldn't be entirely all a rumor.

Some were so nasty and cruel where Bella was concerned that it took all of my self-control to simply refute them and nothing more—alarming the asshole who felt the need to pass the rumor on to me.

Tyler Crowley was lucky that just because I knew he didn't start the rumors, I didn't break his legs for the things he said about Bella. The creep thought he was being fucking funny, expecting me to laugh.

Taking a deep measured breath, I closed my eyes, counting myself down, then focusing on the desk in front of me, not trusting myself to look up at him and see that wise-ass smile on his face, I set him straight, "The rumors about Bella are all bullshit, and if I ever hear you talk about her like that again, I'll fucking knock you into next week."

There was a pause, and when I glanced up at him, the smirk had fallen from his face. "Dude, I'm sorry. I-I didn't know—"

"Don't worry about it," I interjected, impatiently, "but maybe you shouldn't believe everything you hear."

Crowley sat gazing at me for a few moments as I ignored him, attempting to disconnect myself from the anger.

"So, she didn't screw around on you with Newton?" he asked, obviously not having enough perception to quit while he was ahead.

"No!" I snapped fucking repulsed, because if any girl left me for weasel fucking Newton, I'd kill myself!

He wasn't deterred.

"So ... was it you who knocked out Newton—cause, man, I don't believe that bike story for a second." Crowley lowered his voice with sudden interest, angling his chair to face me.

Folding my arms on the table, I glanced at him, then despite myself, broke into an ironic grin. "I haven't laid a finger on Newton—yet, and no he didn't fall off his bike."

"Didn't think so—too neat!" He scoffed.

I only half shrugged, but didn't offer a reply.

"So ..." he continued, "if it wasn't you, who was it?

"The next time you pass Bella, take a look at her hand," I replied, the smirk creeping across my face before I could stop it.

Let's see how Weasel explained his way out of that one.

Crowley smirked along with me. "Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"No way! Ha, what a pussy!" Crowley snorted, chuckling to himself. "So Bella's got balls, hey?"

Severing my gaze from his, I looked down at my folded arms, and replied—a little too freaking softly, "That she has."

**...**

In between classes I was conscious to make sure I didn't run into Bella in the halls. This was regardless of the fact that I ached for her in ways that made masochism a freaking art form. I just wasn't too fucking eager for a repeat of this morning in the parking lot—even if it wasn't close to what I really deserved. Not to mention, I was suddenly plagued with so much guilt over Jacob that I was convinced she'd detect it written all over my face.

I knew I had to square it with him, but the knowledge that I'd wronged him did nothing to tame my ego. I was going to have to take a huge chunk out of my pride to confess to him, and Jacob being who he was would probably savor the moment and make me freaking sweat. But, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that a part of me would be relieved. The crap with him and I had gone on long enough, and had got out of hand. Plus, there was the very obvious fact that he stood in the way between Bella and I—whether it was still salvageable or not.

I knew that making amends with Jake might possibly help with Bella, but I wasn't doing it for that reason, and I didn't want her _or him_ to think that, either. The idea of it was almost worse than having to apologize in the first place. You could be certain that if I wasn't sure of Jacob's innocence, nothing and no one would get me to lower myself to grovel to him. But I was wrong about him, plain and simple, and I owed him an apology.

Fourth period arrived and my one class with whore house Stanley. I'd almost forgotten.

My skin crawled at the thought of what I'd almost let happen between the two of us. Never mind that I barely remembered. I'd had enough flash backs to ensure small scenes of it would never fade from my memory; guaranteeing another reminder of how I'd fucked things up with Bella.

As soon as she walked into the room, I went tense. She had the nerve to smile at me all coy-like, before she took a step in my direction. It's not that I was pissed at her—other than the fact that she was an evil fucking bitch to Bella—the entire school knew she was a whore; I was more pissed at myself. That I'd lowered myself to _that_.

She immediately made her way over to me, making me want to fucking haul ass out of the room.

"Hi, Edward. I'm glad you're back," she said all fucking provocative, before leaning over the table to deliberately flash her tits at me.

"Fuck me sideways," I muttered only half beneath my breath, wishing I could fork my fucking eyes out, and wondering why the fuck I ever thought about fucking her.

"Your tits are hanging out, Jessica." Of course Jazz just came right out and stated it.

She laughed, and then openly shoved them back into her t-shirt, while I all but slammed my head on the table.

"So anyway, now that you're feeling better, I was wondering if we could meet up again…?"

"He can't, Jessica. He has a doctor's note," Jazz piped up, saving me from the fucking torture of it. "No baseball, driving, or sticking it in skanks."

I snorted, hocking back a gallon of saliva trying to prevent it from being too obvious, and almost fucking choked to death. I had to hand it to the pissant, he was a pretty decent smart ass at times.

"Oh, fuck you, Jazz!" she retorted, flipping her fucking hair over her shoulder before turning around to head to her regular table with that other skank, Lauren Mallory.

"Shit, no! Alice would kill me!" he countered, turning to flash me a sly grin.

Shaking my head to myself, I laughed lightly. "Thanks, Jazz."

I really didn't need to be thinking about Stanley, besides, I had more important things to concentrate on; like how I was going to get close enough to Jacob without a fucking white flag to wave or idiot Emmett interfering.

I figured the best idea would be to approach him at lunch in the cafeteria. Safety in numbers and all that—not that the idiot could possibly think I wanted to start any shit with him. I wasn't even a fucking match for weasel at the moment.

Then again, it was Jacob, after all.

**...**

My initial plan was to speak to him straight away and be done with it, but being the complete pussy that I was, I stonewalled myself and decided to eat first. The fact that Bella was at the end of the queue may have swayed my actions, though.

Grabbing a tray, I made my way to the line, the fourth person behind her, when the kid in front of her suddenly turned and noticed her standing there. "Hey Bella, so did you see Cullen's back today?"

"I guess I didn't do a very good job at killing him off then," she replied, pretty fucking shrewdly, but sounding irritated at the same time.

The kid began staring at her as though she had lost her mind, when he suddenly caught sight of me. "Oh, hey, Cullen, glad you're back."

Bella's head immediately whipped around, her eyes locking with mine, before narrowing, her face flushing.

I smiled at her awkwardly, not sure whether she was pissed at me or the kid, and feeling fucking full of doubt because of it.

Then again, when did Bella ever make me feel anything different?

She blinked, frowning slightly, while the shade of her face continued to darken before she tore her gaze from mine and turned away.

It couldn't have been fucking frostier, but all I could do was console myself with the fact that she'd at least acknowledged me. Sort of...

I'd heard the rumor that Bella was trying to kill me. It was one of the most ridiculous.

Jazz sulked through lunch, no doubt blaming me for the reason he couldn't spend it with Alice. Not that he'd said that, and not that I really gave a shit either; I was too lost in my brooding thoughts of Bella.

I watched her discreetly during lunch; she still appeared as uptight and locked up as she usually did, but at the same time she was smiling and laughing.

But then what was I expecting? For her to be as fucking miserable as I was?

"Jeez, douche-bag—can you stop pining for Bella already." Jazz suddenly groaned, his mouth full of fucking hotdog.

I only stared at him, fucking repulsed. "Shut the fuck up, Jazz!"

"What are you so worried about, anyway?" he asked, simply. "So you fucked it up again, but she'll come around. She always seems to."

I only jerked my shoulder in irritation, but the dick didn't seem to take the hint.

"Plus, you've got Jacob off your back, now." He shrugged, shoving the rest of his hotdog in his mouth, before staring down at his phone, smirking—probably fucking sexting my sister from ten fucking feet away.

But at the mention of Jake, I reluctantly took a breath. "That reminds me, I'll be back in a minute," I muttered pulling myself up slowly from the table.

I glanced over at Jacob and paused, taking a moment to contemplate—or more like stall on—my decision to throw all my fucking dignity to the wind.

"Where are you going?" Jazz asked.

"I've got to talk to someone," I mumbled in reply.

As I made my way to the other side of the cafeteria, my entire body began to stiffen involuntarily. I shoved it away, reminding myself that all my preconceived prejudices about Jacob were wrong.

It was going to be a bitter fucking pill to swallow.

"Dude, what are you doing?" I heard Jazz call after me in confusion.

I ignored him.

Jacob and Nessie remained oblivious to my approach until I was about ten feet away, when Nessie looked up and caught sight of me. Her eyes narrowed with immediate suspicion before she turned to Jacob, who was shoving the cardboard cafeteria food down his throat, and alerted him to my presence.

By the time Jake became aware of me, so had the entire fucking cafeteria, and the air in the room immediately began to buzz. I wasn't sure what everyone thought was about to happen—other than me getting the shit kicked out of me.

I stopped about ten feet from the table, before Jake glanced up at me, in the midst of eating his freaking disgusting looking hamburger, and raised a questioning, suspicious eyebrow at me.

I cleared my throat. "Uh, Jake, I was just wondering if I could talk to you for a moment. In private." I kept my tone even and neutral while struggling to keep my jaw from going rigid—on fucking impulse.

Half shrugging, before with a deliberate indifference, he got out of his chair and rose to his feet.

This was when Nessie jumped between us and wrapped her arms around Jacob's waist; as if she thought I was some kind of threat. As laughable as that was.

"Babe, don't!" she pleaded, before turning to survey me with hostility.

I offered her a reassuring half smile. "Don't worry, Nessie. I'll bring him back unharmed."

Jake immediately snorted sarcastically, before folding his arms across his chest. "Slightly delusional don't you think, _Princess?_"

Sighing inwardly, and forcing back any response, I only smirked at him and shrugged.

He scrutinized me for a moment, his eyes narrowing, before saying with a hint of impatience, "Okay, walk and talk, Cullen." Turning to his girlfriend, he bent down to kiss her. "It'll be okay, babe. I'll be back in a minute."

Reluctantly, she let her arms slip from about his waist as he took a step closer to me.

Motioning that I wanted him to follow me, I turned to walk out of the cafeteria, aware that every pair of eyes in the room were watching us. And just as I was about to step through the doors at the back exit of the room, I caught Bella's gaze. She had this fearful look of mistrust in her eyes. I smiled at her in an attempt to reassure her, but it didn't seem to sway her at all; in fact, it only seemed to concern her more. She turned away looking frustrated, and with a sigh I left the room with idiot Jacob right behind me.

I continued to walk through the rain and soaking turf until I reached the outskirts of the school's perimeter. Jacob came to a standstill behind me, and stuffing his hands in his pockets he gave me a questioning shrug, his expression growing suspicious.

Taking a deep breath in, I turned my gaze from his and resisted the urge to grimace. "Look, Jake ... "I began my voice low and even, "with all the rumors I've heard today about Bella—"

"The rumors because of you and that bitch, Stanley," he interrupted sharply, his expression darkening.

I sighed again inwardly, a swell of irritation increasing within me—despite the fact that he was right. I continued, "I've realized that with all the shit being said, I was probably hasty when I blamed ... all that crap on you when Alice was sick. I owe you an apology ... so, I'm sorry."

Bending my head, I released my breath heavily. It was awkward as all fuck, but it was finally done.

When I glanced up at him again he was gazing at me, his expression emotionless—almost blank, before he cocked a doubtful, mocking eyebrow as a smirk twitched at his lips.

"Is that it?" he retorted shortly, drawing his hands from his jacket and folding them across his chest.

I balked before I could stop myself, blinking once or twice like I was a fucking dumbass, as the pissed off indignation that he was mocking me slowly sunk in.

"What else do you expect me to say?" I demanded.

He scoffed and half rolled his eyes. "And I suppose this sudden change of heart has nothing what so ever to do with the fact that Bella told you to stay away from her a couple of days ago?"

I was fucking pissed.

With my face flooding with heat, I took a step toward him without realizing, my hands balling into fists.

It was hard enough to approach him—hard enough to utter those two words out loud to him, when I could have quite happily gone through my entire life with the way things were between us, without a single ounce of fucking remorse.

"It has nothing to do with Bella," I replied lowly, quietly.

He had the audacity to scoff cynically at me again. "Yeah, right. Okay, thanks, Cullen."

"_Fuck you_! I'm sorry I bothered," I snapped. It was all I could do not to wipe that smug look from his face, despite the fact that he'd probably kick my ass in the process.

"Why _did_ you bother?" he shot back, the sneer still remaining on his face, while I fought the urge to slam my fist into it.

"I don't fucking know, but if you want to know the truth, I didn't want Bella knowing any of this. This has nothing fucking to do with her, and I was going to ask you not to tell her a word of it. But knowing you, you'll run and blab to her the first chance you get!" I raised my voice angrily, frustrated and pissed at my own stupidity. I should have guessed that it wouldn't have been so black and white and the little prick wouldn't be gracious enough to accept it and go about his pathetic existence.

I turned to leave.

"Hey!" he called out to me, his tone remaining suspicious but fractionally lighter.

Turning back, I glared at him. "What!?"

"You serious?"

"Of course I'm fucking _serious_!"

He rubbed his chin giving it weight as I stood there, my limbs trembling, completely fucking infuriated, having just swallowed all shreds of my dignity so he could spit it back in my face.

"Kay, I see that I've pissed you off." He had the nerve to grin at me as if he was enjoying the fact that he had.

"Get the fuck on with it!"

He shrugged with one shoulder smugly, remaining unconvinced. "Can you understand why I'd think it was all bullshit? I mean, the timing is convenient."

But I wasn't hanging around getting drenched in the rain so he could make more of a fucking joke of me.

"I don't give a fuck what you think—I'm outta here." I turned and headed back toward the school.

"Apology accepted!" Jacob called out after I'd taken half a dozen or so angry strides through the muddy turf.

Exhaling into a weary sigh, I turned back to face him.

"On one condition," he countered, his tone going almost serious.

"What?" I asked. I was only humoring him, because I was fairly certain what that condition was going to be.

"That you stay away from Bella," he said, fucking challenging me.

I frowned, feeling my expression cloud. "You know I won't agree to that."

"Are you just intent on hurting her over and over?" he blurted, his demeanor suddenly switching to pissed off frustration.

"My intention isn't to hurt her, why don't you get that?" I replied resentfully as my voice caught—making me fucking cringe.

"Whether it's your intention to or not, you still do," he stated, sounding suddenly frustrated. "Why can't you just move on to someone else?"

"I. Don't. Want. Anyone. Else!" I responded slowly, my voice strained. I was pissed off, but what was worse was I was beginning to feel like shit; my stomach was really beginning to fucking ache.

"And I don't want you to be with her. I live with her—I have to see the damage you do first hand!" he burst, and he was so serious his voice hitched as he spoke about her.

I felt the impact of his words before I was able to prevent it from reflecting in my face. But shoving it back, I allowed the anger to push to the surface and control my emotions again. "This was fucking pointless. Thanks for nothing, _asshole_!" I turned around and walked back toward the school, my footsteps making loud, angry thudding sounds in the damp earth as I went.

"You're welcome, _Princess,_" he called after me.

I felt myself stiffen, but I made no other sign that I'd heard him.

The bell for fifth period had already rang by the time I walked back into the halls. Without bothering to hurry, I turned toward Bio, while attempting to rid myself from the no doubt fucked up expression that was on my face. But I knew it wasn't going anywhere while I agonized over the meaning of Jacob's last admission.

What degree of damage had I inflicted on Bella?

These thoughts plagued me all the way to Biology, when at the doorway, I almost ran into Bella herself—as fucking poetic as it was.

We both paused—or so it might have seemed for my part, because in actual fact, I'd pulled up short, tensing all over and in the midst of a fucking heart attack.

She looked at me awkwardly, her eyes flickering with an anxious edge to mine, before back to her feet.

"Ladies first," I mumbled quietly, the tone of my voice reflecting a million emotions that I had no way of getting under control.

She gazed up at me again, her eyebrows knotting slightly, before a hesitant smile appeared on her lips and quickly vanished.

She stepped into the room ahead of me, and I followed her—with an inward sigh of relief, as she made her way to our table. I was glad she was prepared to sit with me, at the bare minimum.

In front of our lab table, Bella paused then moved aside, allowing me to pass her to reach my stool. My hand brushed against hers accidentally, and as it did a shot of heat rushed up my arm, almost calming my irritation in the process.

I sat down. Bella sat beside me and folded her arms on the tabletop, her cheeks burning slightly. She was making a conscious effort to not look at me, and in return, as I watched her ignoring me, she became aware of it.

Her eyes flickered in my direction with a hint of discomfort, her brow puckering slightly before she focused them back on her hands.

I was all-out staring at her, after all.

Tearing my gaze from her, frustrated at myself, I stared fixedly at the back of Thomas Knight's head, feeling the heat beneath my skin prickle up the back of my neck.

My damp sweater was soothing, but at the same time was heavy and uncomfortable. I grabbed it, noting Bella discreetly watching me, and pulled it over my head. I was secretly glad it was wet; I had a convincing reason to remove it, other than exposing my fucking soul to her, and allowing her to see the fucked up reaction my body had to her.

Her shoulders hunched for a moment, before she relaxed them again. She bent her head forward and tucked a strand of her hair that fell in her eyes behind her ear. She seemed agitated and fidgety as she sat facing the front of the classroom, neither looking at me nor avoiding my gaze.

I opened my mouth to speak, but quickly shut it again. Clearing my throat softly, I tried again, but I couldn't do it; not when I was unaware of the boundaries she expected from me in Bio. I wanted to show her that I had the self-control to respect her wishes.

Turning my focus on the back of Thomas Knight's head again, I released my breath feeling fucking defeated and unsure of myself. I should have been used to it by now; it was the defining emotion that she brought out in me.

She made me fucking doubt—everything.

I was sitting in pathetic contemplation over this when I noticed Bella go notably stiff, and my attention was immediately diverted as weasel Newton walked in the room.

It was the first time I'd seen him all day, and even though my immediate reaction was pissed off anger, the moment I noticed the still healing cut on his lower lip, I snorted openly. My eyes then flew to Bella's injured knuckles, instinctively; her hands were balled up, clutching both ends of her pen tightly. It was the only evidence that she wasn't as oblivious to Newton as she appeared.

He approached her casually, while every pair of eyes in the room followed him as he paused in front of our table. He blatantly ignored me, while I glowered furiously at him, straining against the almost irresistible urge to jump up and break his fucking neck.

"Hey, Bells."

"Bite me," Bella retorted, without turning her head in his direction.

My lips twitched instantly and I fought back a chuckle.

"Aww come on, Bells, you know I don't bite," was the asshole's response.

Bella's face only flashed angrily.

"But I do," I piped up, making sure that the weasel was well aware of my meaning.

He laughably paled before quickly shuffling toward his table at the rear of the class.

"Asshole," Bella whispered to herself.

"I foresee another bike accident in Newton's future," someone from behind us gibed before half the class broke into snickering.

I placed my hand over my mouth to muffle my laughter. It was jerking in my ribs, causing me to openly flinch. The last thing I wanted was for Bella to see how much of a fucking geriatric I was and take pity on me.

I peeked over at her a moment later, she was smirking subtly, then noticing I was watching her, she turned her eyes in my direction. They locked with mine for the briefest of moments as a genuine smile lit up her face and then was gone again.

It was warm and affectionate—without an ounce of doubt or suspicion. It was the exact same smile from my fucking dreams—only I'd never seen her smile like that at me before.

Was she fucking with me? Or was it just a reaction to what was said about Newton?

I had no fucking idea

"Mr. Cullen, I heard you were back today. It's good to see you," Mr. Banner's voice suddenly broke me from my daze.

I glanced up quickly; there was a small smirk on his lips that made my over-heated blood head straight to my face. I swallowed uneasily and nodded a couple of times.

He continued to peer at me over his glasses. "How are you feeling?" he asked me a moment later.

"I'm—fine thanks," I stammered, clearing my throat.

Since finals were only a month away, he decided it was time for a trial run. Going down the aisles, he passed out test sheets, stopping in front of Bella to gaze at me with scrutiny again. "Were you able to get any of the work your sister took home for you done, Edward?"

"Most of it, yes," I answered.

"I'm glad to hear it," he replied quietly, placing two test sheets in front of Bella before moving on.

Bella passed me a test paper, the remnants of that smile still on her lips, though she didn't turn to meet my gaze.

A moment later we started.

I couldn't concentrate. I glanced at the test, but it might as well have been written in Chinese for all the sense it made to me. My eyes scanned it, but my mind couldn't process a thing with Bella next to me.

I knew only one thing: I had to speak to her, I had to know what the fuck she was thinking; and I had to see that smile again and know that I wasn't fucking delusional.

Pulling out my note pad from under my books, I scrawled a quick note to her, while my hands began to tremble again. I was resigned to the fact that I no longer controlled a single molecule in my body when it came to her.

**So, new job as assassin huh? **I wrote, before discreetly sliding it in front of her.

She glanced at it, her lips twitching slightly before writing a reply and sliding the note pad back in my direction.

**Well, it's common knowledge that I'm trying to kill you.**

I muffled my reaction through my nose, then turned my head slightly to glance at her. She was writing on her test sheet, her lips still playing with the idea of that smile while her expression was all but neutral.

Yeah, she was fucking with me, but I no longer gave a shit. I was hers—I was _gladly_ hers, whether she wanted me at the moment or not.

**Are we on speaking terms, during bio? **I wrote, feeling my pulse hike up a fraction as I slid the pad back to her and braved her response.

She gazed at it again, but this time her eyes lingered on it, her brow furrowing slightly, before she wrote a quick answer on it and slid it back.

**No.**

I wasn't deterred.

**That's okay, I guess I can handle writing terms.**

Her smile pulled slowly to the surface, but was overshadowed as she rolled her eyes and shook her head slightly to herself. She wrote in reply: **What makes you think we're on writing terms?**

**Because you have replied to me three times. **I wrote, smirking subtly to myself, before sliding it slowly in front of her.

When she read it, she quite openly sighed with exasperation.

Still grinning to myself, I drew my test sheet in front of me. I got no further past writing my name on the top right hand corner of it, when Bella turned squarely to face me. I looked up and caught her gaze.

Her expression was initially cynical, but as her gaze remained on mine, another emotion flickered across her face and vanished before I could detect what it was. Then breaking away, she pulled the note pad in front of her and wrote a message on it, before impatiently pushing it in my direction.

Looking down, I read it, the corners of my mouth tugging into secret amusement.

**Very funny, Edward!**

She had written my name, and I didn't know whether it meant anything, but I became transfixed by it written in her handwriting. I couldn't tear my eyes from it and I had a cheesy fucking urge to write hers next to it.

Mr. Banner walked past, paused at our table and cleared his throat intentionally before moving on. Bella snapped her attention back to her test paper, while I attempted to do the same. My eyes scanned the test but nothing was absorbed and soon they focused on the note pad again.

Sliding it back in front of me, I quickly wrote her what I was determined to be my last contact with her. For how long I wasn't sure, but I knew if I wanted to make any leeway with her I had to do it. I also knew with a sense of uneasiness that the whole martyr thing on my part could seriously backfire on me.

**Bella, I want you to know that I can respect your feelings. I'll leave you alone from now on, K?**

I pushed it back to her. Her eyes focused on it, just as the fucking teacher paused in front of us again. "Edward and Bella, is this something that can't wait until after my class has finished?"

Clearing my throat, I rather arrogantly pulled my test paper back in front of me, while Bella tore the paper from the note pad, folded it neatly and placed it in her pocket.

There was no chance I'd finish the test from that moment on.

I peered at her on and off throughout the rest of the class. She was focusing her attention on her test sheet, seemingly gone back to her original stance of neither acknowledging nor ignoring me; her eyes did not deflect from her test paper even a fraction. She had the barest hint of a smile on her lips as if she was secretly enjoying making me suffer, and it was seriously pissing me off. Bella wasn't one of those girls who played games. She didn't fuck with me, what she said she meant. There were never any double meanings—so what the fuck was she doing now?

Punishing me?

She had to be aware of how much she affected me. I'd already admitted to her the fucked up fact that she made me hot. I shuddered from the memory, deliberately jerking my shoulders by the mortification of it, as I caught Bella's attention. This time her expression was confusion, while looking like she thought I was unhinged—making me question everything all over again.

Was she fucking with me? Was she torturing me? Or could she really just not stand me?

Surely, I had to have some impact on her as well. The fact that she sat with me, answered my notes and didn't tell me to "bite her" made me feel like all hope wasn't lost.

I had to face it; I was no closer to figuring her out than I ever was, and by the end of the lesson I had become so plagued by Bella's behavior toward me that I was close to reefing my hair out.

Running my fingers through my train wreck of a hair one more time, I grabbed my test paper, pulling it in front of me so I could peer at it more closely. But I couldn't put her out of my mind, and I had the compulsion to burst, _why the fuck, Bella, did you keep my note? I thought you wanted me to leave you alone!_

I thought about asking her straight out, but since I promised I'd stop talking to her, without knowing if she was okay with it, I couldn't. Not without looking like a fucking flake who couldn't keep his word, anyway.

Biology ended. Mr. Banner came down the aisle collecting all the test papers, reserving an arched eyebrow for the state of mine. Along with my hair, which no doubt made me look like a freak show, my test had borne the brunt of my frustration. It was incomplete by more than half and was torn and creased like I'd crumpled it up, retrieved it and smoothed it out again—which I had.

Sighing heavily, I fought against the urge of another assault against my hair and grinned up at him with blatant sarcasm.

He gave me a scrutinizing look for a moment, then turned his attention to Bella. "Miss Swan?" he asked her.

Bella's head snapped up in surprise. "Yes—sir?" she stammered, caught off guard.

"Would you mind at all sharing your notes with Edward from the time he missed?"

Of course, Mr. Banner was my all-time favorite teacher.

"Um, no, I don't mind," she answered him, turning to gaze at me, her expression flooded with suspicion, as if to say, "_You planned this all along, didn't you, asshole?"_

"Good," Mr. Banner replied, sounding satisfied before putting mine and Bella's test papers on top of his pile and moving further up the aisle.

Sighing deeply to herself, almost appearing flustered, Bella heaved her bag onto her shoulder then took a step into the aisle.

For some unfathomable reason, I felt panicked, and immediately leaped to my feet after her—only to almost buckle over in pain. Struggling to hold back the all-out fucking groan, my arm flew reflexively around my stomach while I fought suddenly to catch my breath.

Bella, with her back still turned to me, didn't notice my public moment of decrepitness, but weasel Newton did, and he openly smirked smugly as he passed.

"You right there, Cullen?" His eyes turned in Bella's direction, that smug fucking look broadening just as she turned around to face me. It gave me exactly two seconds to stand upright, while silently choking back the second spasm of pain.

She eyed me intently for a moment, her brow knotted, and for a moment I was sure it was out of guilt. I flashed her a quick smile hoping it wasn't coming across as a fucking grimace, and in reply, she sort of half smiled before turning back to Newton.

"Bye, Bells," Newton drawled arrogantly, winking at her fucking cockily, while my hands reflexively clenched into fists.

One day soon I was going to fucking end that prick!

"Goodbye, Mike, you be careful on your bike this time," Bella retorted, sarcastically.

I'd been holding my breath to prevent myself from wheezing, so when I attempted to snort over Bella's comment, I almost fucking collapsed. Coughing and clearing my raspy throat, while the pain shooting through me was like flashes of fucking white light behind my eyes, I almost missed the priceless look that broke across Weasel's face.

His arrogance fell instantly, but didn't disappear completely, before he walked out of the room. I watched him go feeling my expression darken the longer my gaze remained on him—only to discover that Bella was watching me, with a frown on her face.

Fuck!

Sighing shortly to herself, she prepared to leave before half turning back to me. "See you later," she mumbled, her tone courteous but distant, while her expression was blank.

"Good-bye, Bella," I replied, feeling defeated again, and more and more fucking convinced she was deliberately torturing me.

Then, releasing her breath—deeply this time, as if she was fucking exasperated, she walked out of the room, without looking back.

Sighing, I grabbed my bag, and left a safe distance behind her.

* * *

**A/N: Am I half way there yet?**


	21. While Crocodile

**A/N: For anyone who even remembers this chapter, I gutted it and removed 4000 words. It was ridiculous and cheesy. I'm almost happy with it now...**

* * *

**Chapter 20**

**While Crocodile**

**Edward's POV**

Three weeks later and Bella had not relented, and what was fucking worse was she had gone back to looking right through me. I'd done everything I said I would to give her space. I left her alone in Bio, I got straight into the back of Alice's car every afternoon when she and Bella were chatting at the end of the day—I even changed my route through the halls so I wouldn't have to run into her.

It was fucking torture, but the more she ignored me, the more I craved her.

Around Alice and Rose, she seemed relaxed, smiling and laughing with them every lunch break; except when she caught my gaze from the other side of the room—she immediately frowned and looked away. She'd gone back to acting exactly like she had on her second day at school when she was looking down at me like I was a fucking sleaze. It was starting to piss me off more than I could comprehend, and at times I found myself scowling at her. Only Bella would scowl back, and openly roll her eyes. She wasn't fucking with me either; the look of discomfort on her face was genuine.

I tried hating her, but that was always doomed to fail. No matter how much she ignored me, or pissed me off, I remained as pathetically fucking wretchedly in love with her as I ever was.

Of course every night the little rat always insisted on talking to me—talking to me about Bella, completely fucking oblivious to the fact that every day Bella ignored me, it was shredding me. But then she told me something that made it that much harder to ever hate Bella—to ever resent her.

Alice had befriended Bella's friends from Australia on Facebook, and was beginning to get a clearer picture of Bella's past. After being sworn to secrecy, one of Bella's closest friends admitted to Alice that Bella had been emotionally and physically abused by her mother her entire life.

"What do you mean? What the fuck was done to her?" I demanded, becoming instantly on edge, as I sat upright on my bed. Though, it made complete sense why Bella didn't appear to trust any one.

Alice shook her head. "She didn't really give me instances, just that Bella's life with her mother had been ... hell. Besides, she said Bella would kill her if she told me anything."

It was something I really didn't want to have to contemplate, because at the moment Bella was so pivotal in my whole fucking life I didn't think I could handle knowing this kind of shit. And I hated the fact that she was a whole other person prior to moving to Forks; a person I knew nothing about.

"There's another thing, Edward ..." Alice breeched delicately, pulling me from my brooding thoughts.

"What?" I asked with a sense of dread.

"They're thinking Kel will have to go into palliative care, and they haven't told Bella yet."

That's when I decided I had to go back to fighting for her. I went back to my old route through the halls, and every time I passed Bella, I'd throw her a warm smile. I wasn't a cocky bastard about it, and it had nothing to do with the advantage shit; I just smiled at her. At first she reacted strangely; confused, then irritated, then slowly—ever so slowly—I suspected she was starting to crack.

In Bio I started writing her notes again, she never replied to them, but it didn't stop me—every day, pissing off the teacher so much that his patience eventually snapped, until one day he grabbed my note pad and read it out to the class.

"Bella, please talk to me. I miss that weird ass accent of yours. Can't we be friends?"

Of course, the entire class erupted into fucking laughter, while beside me, Bella, going beet red and huffing shortly, turned to glare at me, with an expression that clearly said, "are you fucking kidding me?".

It embarrassed the shit out of me, and as I sat burning up like I had fucking malaria, Bella went back to ignoring me.

Then, five minutes before the end of class, she wrote a reply and slid it in front of me.

**That was really corny, Edward.**

Her expression was neutral, and she seemed to sigh to herself before she turned back to the front of the classroom.

I only smiled to myself, deciding not to push her more.

It was the first time I really started to believe I could break through her wall again.

**...**

It was around 8:00pm, I was finishing up an English essay, waiting for Alice's routine nightly girly conversation. She'd done it every night since I'd come home from hospital, and I found myself enjoying hanging out with the little ferret, despite the fact that the topic was almost always about Bella.

"Hey, Edward." She poked her head around my door a minute later.

"Come in, Alice," I said, smirking at her knowingly.

She sat herself on the corner of my bed and shoved me playfully in the shoulder. "Tell me you saw what Bella put on Newton's locker today!" she said a moment later, breaking into an amused grin.

I nodded, smiling to myself from the memory of it. "Yeah, I did."

I was walking through the halls, heading to fourth period, when Jazz came up behind me and began dragging me in the opposite direction. My first instinct was that it was Jacob, and I'd immediately locked up and paused ready to defend myself. I only realized a moment later, by the asshole sound of his laughter, who it was.

"Jesus!" I'd exclaimed, out of exasperation and—as much as I hated to admit it—relief. There was no way I was any match for Jacob at this point if he still had designs of picking up from where he'd left off.

"Dude, you _have_ to see this!" Jazz had insisted, continuing to laugh to himself.

He led me to the lockers where a crowd had begun gathering, before shoving us through to see the poster that was pasted to the front of Newton's. Weasel was typically nowhere to be seen; though, I had no doubt he knew exactly what was going on in front of his locker.

I immediately burst into laughter, while having the freaking need to wrap my arm around my ribs to shield them from the effects of it.

Stuck on his locker was an advert for masturbation cream.

Along with a picture of a creepy looking guy with an enthusiastic grin on his face, doing the thumbs up sign, were the words: _**Slap Happy masturbation cream, great slip, less friction.**_

I laughed so hard it made me more of a freaking cripple.

Jazz nudged me. "You know who, huh?"

I nodded.

Bella!

"My God, she is such a funny bugger!" Alice's voice invaded my thoughts, continuing to chuckle to herself.

"_Bugger?_" I inquired, raising my brow questioningly. "Alice—what the hell?"

She grinned. "Oh yes, I'm down with the lingo. Do you know what she called Jazz today?"

"What?"

"A _bogan._"

"A _what_?" I repeated blankly, thinking I'd misheard and having the urge to laugh from sheer bewilderment.

"I don't know," Alice replied, shaking her head lightly in answer, her forehead etched with just as much confusion as amusement.

I only looked down at my computer, staring at my English essay, and smothering my laughter through my nose.

"Anyway, despite what happened today, Bella can't stand Newton. In his twisted mind he thinks she's flirting with him—and you know how she basically trusts no one. He's making her really uncomfortable..." Alice added, sounding irritated, as a frown etched her forehead.

Taking a stiff breath I looked back up at her, muttering, "I swear I'm going to rip that fucker's head off."

Alice only snorted, rolling her eyes, before replying sarcastically, "Okay, let's pretend that would _actually __help_ your cause with Bella."

I released my breath with frustration, but conceded. "Okay, okay. Point taken."

Shaking her head lightly to herself and throwing me one of her eye rolls, Alice continued, "I'd have a word to Nessie about telling Mike to—

"Back the fuck off," I interjected, but I couldn't stop myself. I'd allowed my focus to remain on Weasel-fucking-Newton and his cocky little antics.

Yesterday at the beginning of Bio he'd walked past Bella and I, and throwing me a look that took all my resolve to remain seated, he turned to Bella. "Sure you wouldn't rather sit with me, Bells?"

"Sure you haven't forgotten to take your meds today, Mike?" was her sarcastic reply without even looking up at him.

He'd only flashed her another one of his dumbass grins, and If I wasn't weighed down by my geriatric condition, I would have knocked that prick on his ass.

Alice sighed—it was choked with impatience—immediately snapping me back to the present. "Edward, do you realize how much you're cussing these days?"

I just shrugged one shoulder and half grinned. "Yes, Mom."

She ignored me. "Nessie is completely brainwashed when it comes to Mike. She believes all his crap and gets defensive when you bring it up. So…" She allowed her voice to trail off with emphasis, raising her eyebrows.

"So…?"

"So, I was thinking you'd ask Jake to have a word to creep Newton," she put it to me before subtly cringing away from me.

"Why would I do that?!" I exclaimed fucking indignantly. "I'll have a word to _Mike_"—my voice twisted as I uttered his name—"I _am _capable of some self-control."

She snorted. "Uh-huh. For thirty seconds maybe and then you'll attack him or whatever you primitive guys do. Bella already thinks you're out of control."

I faltered. "She—she does?"

She rolled her eyes, exasperated again. "Oh, suck it up, Edward. Besides, you know very well you wouldn't be able to control yourself when it comes to Newton."

"Okay," I snapped. "I'll speak to Jake." I shook off the irritation and ran my fingers through my hair rigidly, not fucking liking the idea. Apologizing was hard enough—besides, I was still pissed at him for blabbing to Bella the instant he could about our conversation a few weeks ago. But I was always going to relent—how could I not? It was for Bella; to keep that fucking weasel away from her before I really did break his neck.

"Good," Alice replied satisfied, before she leaned in and quickly kissed my cheek. "Anyway, I'm going to bed. See you later, _alligator_," she fucking mocked me, before getting up from my bed and smirking at me.

I only sighed, less than fucking impressed, before, following her to the door, I slammed it shut behind her.

Scoffing to myself, I put my hands on my hips and shook my head, wondering what else Bella had told her—wondering whether Bella was ever really going to come around to me again.

Then something happened that put a _large _crack in her wall.

**...**

My immediate impression of the following day was that it wasn't going to be anything out of the ordinary.

The rumors about Bella were still surprisingly in full swing, but today there were different rumors circulating.

My strategy had been to ignore them. It was the only way to spare myself the no doubt regrettable pleasure of slamming Weasel's head into the cement wall of the halls if I crossed paths with him. But after the fifth slap over the back and the umpteenth, "_way to go, Cullen", _I ditched the confusion and began paying attention. I soon discovered that apparently Bella and I had been busted having sex behind the cafeteria, up against the wall in full view of half the school.

It had almost given me an instant boner, and if truth were told, I was curious to know what her reaction would be; whether she'd remain status quo with her indifference toward them.

After second period I crossed paths with her. She had her head tilted fractionally to one side, looking like she was stealthily listening to what was being whispered about her, her brow knotted as if she was thinking how fucking nuts it was.

As I approached, she spotted me, and as our eyes locked together an amused sort of grin broke across her face.

I paused, taken back for a moment over the fact that she was smiling at me, before I returned it, wryly.

As we passed, and in response to the current rumors, I shrugged, to which she only shook her head to herself.

Her reaction didn't really surprise me, and I was used to her taking a cynical approach.

Hell, I was just glad she was acknowledging me again.

**...**

I was accompanied to my classes with suggestive fucking thumbs up signs, high fives—that I shamefully participated in—and endless amounts of congratulations.

It was easy to lose myself, but of course fucking Jazz was always going to drag my ass back down to earth.

"Dude, you do realize that it's all bullshit, don't you?" he whispered to me during third period, smirking to himself like the prick he was. He then added—effectively distracting me as I was contemplating how best to knock him on his ass without fucking killing myself, "Apparently Bella told everyone in her first period class that Newton wasn't man enough for her." He snickered, while a fucking fire was lit in my groin, and I was suddenly full fucking erect in the middle of the classroom.

It lasted the whole freaking lesson.

While Jazz sat chuckling to himself barely under his breath, I attempted to conceal the evidence of it by hunching over in my seat and hiding my expression behind the palms of my hands.

"Down, boy," I heard idiot Jazz tease me, a smirk clearly on his face, despite the fact that I couldn't see him.

It was the most painful hour of my life, and as the end of class drew near, I was still no closer to deflating. But there was no way out of it; I couldn't get past the meaning behind Bella's words. In saying that Weasel wasn't man enough for her, did that mean _I was?_

With my shoulder bag strategically placed over my raging hard on, I walked stiffer than my dick out of third period with Jazz beside me, no longer even trying to conceal his fucking laughter. You'd think he'd manage to cough up a fraction of empathy.

I was half way to English attempting to ignore all the attention in an attempt to get on top of my boner, when I was slapped abruptly from behind.

"Dude—what are you doing boning her?" some prick sophomore asked me. "She's a fucking whore!"

I was instantly fuming, reversing the kinetics of my emotions in that instant. Rounding on him, I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, slamming him against the wall in one motion.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY!?" I roared, just as an explosion of pain tore through my stomach, knocking the air from my lungs.

Gasping for air, I released my grip on him and staggered backwards, as an agonized groan escaped from me. Wrapping my arm around my waist, I reached out with the other to steady myself against the wall, trying to catch my breath. The pain was fucking searing, and for a moment the idea that I might puke, or pass out—or both—started becoming a possibility.

"Jesus, Edward!" Jazz exclaimed beside me as I tried repeatedly to inflate my lungs without spasms of pain ripping through my stomach.

"I'm okay!" I burst lamely in little more than a croak, still gasping, as the heat of it blazed in my face.

Like the fucking decrepit that I was, Jazz helped me to stand upright. The expression on his face was a mixture of impatience and begrudging concern.

Standing slowly, I stretched myself to my full height; the pain convulsed in a last ditch effort before it settled to a dull, throbbing ache. But I was fucking exhausted; my eyes dipped weakly as a wave of fatigue washed through me.

"I'm fine," I insisted, inhaling deeply and grimacing as my stomach squeezed sharply again. Then shoving off Jazz's steadying arm, and ignoring the legions of stares, I walked with slow, unsteady steps into English; taking my seat a little too clumsily, and practically collapsing into it.

Jazz sat beside me a moment later, his eyebrows pulling together with pissed off concern. "You look like you're gonna puke!" It seemed like it was more of a fucking accusation, and he was shaking his head to himself as if he'd never done anything impulsive in his life.

I was on the verge of reminding him about Arlington High chick, but closed my mouth again. I couldn't be bothered arguing with him; I was still feeling lightheaded and shaky, but thank fuck the urge to throw up had passed.

I spent English slumped in my chair in a desperate attempt to regain my energy. I felt like shit, and there was no way I was going to miss Bio. Bella, for the first time in a month, openly acknowledged and smiled at me. It might have all been just a part of the rumors, but whatever the reason, if she was going to talk to me again; if she was going to flash that sexy as fucking hell smile in my direction, I was going to be there when she did.

By the time the lunch bell signaled I was at about fifty percent. I was still carrying a nagging ache under my ribs, but my main concern was how fucked up exhausted I was.

As I walked toward the cafeteria, my legs still fucking shaking, I tried ignoring the high fives and _'way to go, Cullens'. _At best, I tried not to react in a way that would turn Jazz's pissed off demeanor to one of mocking sarcasm again, when I became aware of something different. Along with the "_way to go's", _I was getting _"dude, chill"._

I paused, feeling my heart jolt as I contemplated what it could mean, and when I was confident that I could find my voice, I turned to Jazz. "What the hell is going on, now?"

Jazz snorted. "You're a dick. In the words of your favorite Australian, they seen you _'chuck a mental'._"

"Cut the crap, Jazz!" I snapped, rolling my eyes before the realization of what he meant hit me. I froze mid stride. "Oh fuck!"

"Pretty quick, dude." He snorted, fucking mocking me.

But I was barely aware of him as I was suddenly engulfed by fucking dread.

"I've fucked it up, haven't I?" I muttered a moment later, more or less to myself, bringing my palm to my forehead, and having the urge to rip the skin off.

There was no reply, and when I turned to face him, he was contemplating it before half shrugging. "I don't see how. She should be flattered. I know Alley would be as horny—" he stopped abruptly.

"Jesus!" I exploded. "Can you fucking help yourself?"

"Dude, you're swearing like a motherfucker these days, you know that?" Jazz stated, smirking to himself—or more trying to hold back the snicker. He obviously thought he was fucking hilarious.

I only sighed heavily, but otherwise ignored him.

As I walked through the entrance to the cafeteria, my stomach in fucking knots, I immediately searched for Bella. I spotted her sitting at her regular table—staring straight at me, and as our eyes met, she smiled. It was warm, while a seriousness was etched into her forehead. She definitely didn't look pissed or disappointed; she looked … Jesus, like she wanted to hug me!

I smiled back, feeling my body heat immediately surge as a profound feeling of relief washed through me.

She looked away then, without her expression turning cynical or suspicious, and with the relief and fucking exhaustion I was feeling mingling together, I sat in my chair, feeling suddenly drunk. This was when I was suddenly shoved sideways, jolting my already tormented stomach and making me wince.

"You're an _idiot_!" Alice's voice burst angrily.

I sighed and opened my mouth to reply, when she cut me off, "What were you thinking?" she demanded, her eyes narrowing; her expression a mixture of pissed off and concerned.

"I wasn't thinking, Alice," I admitted, simply. "Some prick called her a whore and I snapped."

"And then you _collapsed!_" Her anger wavered and suddenly I was seeing _post-accident Alice._ Consumed by guilt and concern—and freaking self-hatred.

I huffed shortly. "I did_ not_ collapse!"

Technically I hadn't; though, wise ass Jazz quirked an eyebrow at me dubiously.

"Really?" she challenged me unconvinced, her tone switching back to anger again. "Have you seen yourself, Edward? You look like death."

"Alice, would you just relax—Jesus!" I was beginning to feel irritated by her fucking _scolding_ me in the middle of the cafeteria.

"Maybe you should think before you act for once in your life," she added, but ignoring her, I glanced up, subconsciously seeking Bella again. She was chatting to Rose; an easy-going grin had replaced the seriousness from a moment ago. As my gaze remained on her, she looked directly at me again—as if it was her intention. Her eyes were dark and endless, and I couldn't read them.

"It's called _guilt_, Edward!" Alice spoke up dryly.

I tore my eyes from Bella's, jarred. "Huh?" I replied blankly.

"She feels terrible that you got hurt while standing up for her." Alice's tone was exasperated this time, as if I should have immediately realized.

Guilt—again!

I felt like groaning with the sudden realization that I was a fucking bastard, while praying silently that Bella's guilt wouldn't turn into anger and she'd go back to ignoring me again.

I gazed over to her once more, but this time it was to see for myself whether Alice was right. And the moment I caught her gaze it was obvious that it _was_ guilt that was suddenly ingrained in her expression.

She smiled at me again—and the fact that it was completely fucking sincere only cemented it. She never smiled at me with anything but suspicion!

I only smiled back, feeling like the prick that I was, before breaking her gaze to run my hand back through my hair.

"You want to hear something odd?" Alice suddenly piped up, as recognition suddenly sparked in her eyes.

"What?" I asked, half shrugging with indifference.

Her eyes narrowed as she scrutinized me for a moment before she answered, "Jake came up to Bella and told her, in not so many words, to go easy on you. That he'd do the exact same thing only worse if it was Nessie."

I snapped my head up in immediate surprise. "You serious?"

"Very." Alice smirked at my reaction before she went back to schlepping over Jazz, leaving me to contemplate this latest revelation.

I glanced over at Jake. He and his girlfriend seemed too busy trying to imitate Jazz and Alice to notice. Maybe it was just as well, because if Jacob had met my gaze I may have done something disturbing—like wave.

I was still in a state of bewilderment by the time the bell signaled for fifth period. For a moment it didn't register. Fucking pathetically, I normally sat and counted the minutes to my one class with Bella.

"Not going to Bio today, Edward?" Alice teased me, moments before Jazz fucking added, "Yeah, Dude, I would have thought you'd be undressing in anticipation."

They burst into laughter and I was fucking out of there.

I arrived before her. I hated it. Like the pussy I was I always convinced myself it was because she wanted to avoid sitting with me. As it was she was only seconds behind me, and just as I was taking my seat she was walking through the door.

Making her way to our table, she sat down, flashing me a warm, welcoming smile as she did.

She was still acknowledging me?

I smiled back, almost too fearful to breathe in case whatever the fuck was happening would burst and she'd go back to ignoring me again.

With the smile remaining fractionally on her lips, she bent down under her desk to retrieve her Bio book out of her bag, tucking her hair behind her ear as she did. It gave me an immediate view of her cleavage, and the blood in my veins immediately started buzzing with heat.

Freaking Jazz was right. To avoid Bella seeing me remove my jacket and sweater in class, I usually took them off during lunch. I should have known the prick would shove it in my face. I was too distracted during lunch, and now I was faced with removing them in front of her and have her witness again what a pussy I was, or sit with my sweater and jacket on and start sweating like a freaking pig.

It was going to be a very uncomfortable hour.

Mr. Banner walked in and got straight to business, filling in the whiteboard with scribbling. Finals were in two weeks—as behind as I was, but too distracted, I tilted my head to peripherally peek at Bella.

She looked lost in thought, her eyebrows pulling together into a frown. I only continued to gaze at her; her expression didn't falter and I wasn't entirely convinced it was the result of the teacher's lecture.

"Mr. Cullen?" Mr. Banner suddenly spoke up, breaking me from my brooding, and surprising me to the point that I practically jumped out of my skin.

My head snapped up and my attention shot in his direction. He had his back turned, poised to write an answer on the whiteboard; an answer I didn't fucking have. I had no freaking clue what he'd been saying.

"Erm..." I made some awkward fucking sound, freaking fuddled, when Bella suddenly reached over, grabbed my note pad and quickly scrawled something on it—with one of my pink pens!

I just sat there, all thoughts of the answer the teacher was waiting for dissolved from my mind as I stared dumbfounded at her pen.

She was using one of my pens!

"Mr. Cullen?" Mr. Banner repeated, his voice rising, about to turn and set his scrutinizing gaze in my direction.

And suddenly Bella began tapping the pad with her pen, urgently.

With my coherency snapping back, I focused my eyes on what she'd written on my note pad.

"Synapse," I hastily spoke, while my heart continued to thud so heavily it was creating a fucking tsunami beneath my sweater. I yanked on the collar.

"Just in time," he muttered, writing the word on the whiteboard.

Releasing my breath, I gave myself a moment to get a grip on myself, before I reached over, with pitifully trembling hands, and wrote an untidy **thank you** on my notepad, before sliding it in front of Bella.

She smiled to herself, wrote a reply and passed it back to me again.

**you're welcome**.

I smiled, but I couldn't stop staring at her pen. It was definitely one of the pens I'd given her. Either that, or she'd bought more.

But what the fuck did it mean?

Fuck it, it was irrelevant. She was smiling at me, using my pen, and fucking Jake was sticking up for me. Whatever the hell was going on I was just going to go with it.

With my hands still fucking shaking, I pulled the notepad closer to me and wrote:

**I'm glad we're on writing terms again**

She smiled to herself, rolling her eyes slightly, before writing a reply and pushing the notepad back in front of me.

**I never said we weren't on writing terms**

I paused. Was she fucking with me? She hadn't spoken a word to me in a month...

I glanced back over to her; she'd turned her attention to the front of the class, and seemingly to the teacher, with a smile still ghosting over her lips.

I was beginning to suspect that Bella was the devil—and I was little more than a fucking sap who'd been reduced to this pitiful, trembling, freaking wreck.

I had to face it, I was way in over my head, but instead of it pissing me off, like it normally would, I was feeling the complete fucking opposite. I almost broke into an ironic laugh—hastily bringing my fist to my mouth and clearing my throat. It caught Bella's attention and this time she turned to face me squarely. I smiled at her, completely fucking conceding defeat, and this time when she smiled back, there it was in full view; that smile I'd been dreaming about every damn night!

No suspicion, no skepticism; no cynacism; no doubt. Just warm and tender and fucked up killing me.

Fuck! I was getting another boner, and I was unable to break away.

Mr. Banner was suddenly clearing his throat, loudly and hinged with irritation. It immediately severed my gaze from her, only to discover that not only was the teacher staring at us, but so was the entire classroom.

"Sorry, Sir," I blurted out, flustered, like the complete idiot that I was.

"No answer, Mr. Cullen?" he asked me, his eyebrows raising skeptically.

I only shook my head in answer.

"Miss Swan?" He turned his scrutiny on her.

"No … sorry," she admitted, her face flushing.

"Does anyone have the answer?" Mr. Banner turned his attention to the rest of the class.

Weasel called out the wrong answer. I snorted, only half beneath my breath, noticing Bella's lips twitch ever so slightly as she attempted to remain composed.

Sighing loudly, Mr. Banner turned to the whiteboard and wrote the correct answer, before continuing his lecture.

"See, I told you Cullen was fucking the whore again," a voice from behind us spoke lowly. It was said with the obvious intention of Bella hearing and was followed by several hushed snickers.

I was immediately fucking pissed, going rigid in my chair before whipping my head around in the direction it came from, just as the teacher shouted across the room, "There will be no speaking unless I address you. Is that clear?"

He'd heard as well.

I narrowed my attention to four guys—all of them avoiding my gaze, with fucking guilt written all over their faces.

"Edward," Bella whispered, her hand reaching out to touch mine—that I'd clenched into a tight fist around my pen.

It surprised me, and when I turned to meet her gaze, her eyes were wide and pleading.

"Don't worry about it," she insisted, shaking her head.

I expelled my breath, still pissed off, but the conclusion was that I was a fucking prick. All this shit was my fault! She was being called a whore because of me!

"Bella … I'm so sorry," I said gently, breaking my gaze; I couldn't fucking look at her, I felt so shitty.

She nudged me then, bringing a reluctant smile to my face.

"If you don't stop being a sooky la la, Edward, I will suspend all note writing privileges," she teased me in a soft, playful voice.

Oh, fuck yes, she was most definitely the devil.

**...**

At the end of Bio, Bella turned to me, her smile still warm and genuine—with only a fraction to suggest she didn't quite trust me. "Goodbye, Edward."

"See-ya later, alligator." My voice had dropped to outright-betrayal-of-my-self-respect tender; this was despite the fact that I hadn't even realized what I'd just said.

It hit me a moment later, and I wanted to fucking groan out loud and beat my head into the table top.

What the fuck was wrong with me?

When I finally braved Bella's gaze again, feeling my ears on fucking fire, her smile only broadened, becoming toothy with amusement.

"While, crocodile," she replied in a light tone before she stepped into the aisle and headed toward the door.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading :)**


	22. Roots

**A/N: Cue comic relief**

* * *

**Chapter 21**

**Roots**

**Edward's POV**

I was late to Spanish. I could only guess what my expression looked like; I felt manic. As for the rest of me, as soon as Bella was safely out of sight, I'd ripped the layers of clothes over my head and let the rain cool my over-heated skin. My t-shirt had stuck to my chest and was still plastered there when I walked into class.

As soon as Jazz spotted me a mocking smirk broke across his face. "Hey, dude."

I ignored him, slumped in my chair languidly, grinning to myself and not giving a shit how freaking gay I looked.

"So I'm gathering Bio went well then?" he asked, his smirk turning into an eye roll.

I half shrugged, my grin pulling wider. "It went okay."

"So ... is it going to be safe to sit beside you?" He snorted, but I wasn't bothered by it—hell I deserved a lot more. Still, I wasn't declaring open season.

"Well, that depends on how much you piss me off," I retorted, but I was already over it. My skin was buzzing, making me feel fucking hornier, and this was on top of how fucked up exhausted I still was from attacking that prick in the halls. I felt drunk—at best, and maybe slightly high.

Jazz snorted again; at least I think he did...

**...**

When we reached the car park at the end of the day, we were just in time to see _Weasel_ _Newton _approach Bella and Alice—who were walking several feet ahead of us. I was immediately tense, clenching my fists so tightly I felt my knuckles crack, before quickening my step and ignoring Jazz as he groaned from beside me.

By the time I reached Alice, Weasel had pulled Bella aside, just out of view a couple of feet away, toward her Jeep.

"What the fuck is that pissant doing to her?" I demanded, my voice all but a growl, but Alice merely shushed me with impatience to be quiet. She even brushed off Jazz's affections, before tilting her head in the best advantage to eavesdrop.

When Bella spoke her voice carried to us clearly, laced with irritation. "I'm waiting, Mike!"

We had to strain a little harder to overhear weasel. "I was just wondering ... if we could bury the hatchet and all that..."

His voice was wavering. I smirked to myself, on the verge of snorting, when Alice whacked me in the chest and brought her finger to her lips.

"For the love of God!" Bella burst with impatience.

"I was wondering ... if ... you'd..." Weasel failed the second attempt, faltering again.

Bella huffed, clearly pissed off. "If I'd _WHAT_?!"

"If you'd go to the prom with me?" he blurted out hastily, obviously before the dick lost the nerve.

Holding back an open laugh tested all boundaries of my self-control. I was forced to cough and splutter it behind my hand, and again, Alice turned to me, bringing her finger to her lips, only this time she was fighting the urge to grin.

There was silence from Bella. I all but strained my neck to hear her response.

"_WHAT_?!" she finally demanded, sounding like she was in disbelief.

"I was won—" Weasel began but Bella cut him off.

"I heard you the first time!" she exclaimed, before mumbling something I couldn't make out.

Weasel didn't reply, and after another pause Bella spoke up again, "Mike, obviously you have delusions about us, so I am going to make this very clear"_—_Weasel still didn't respond_—_"I would rather swallow _razorblades_ than go _anywhere_ with you. Besides, haven't you heard? We are no longer together. I'm _screwing_ Edward!"

Jazz scoffed this time and nudged me. I barely registered it; I was dazed, breaking into a huge fucked up grin.

Mike's voice piped up, regaining some confidence, "Come on, Bells, you know that's all a rumor."

"Just like your _bike accident, Mike—_and let me assure you it's _not _a rumor, and compared to Edward"_—_she suddenly rose her voice for the obvious benefit of everyone in the car park_—_"_YOU'RE HUNG LIKE A PENCIL_!"

Holy fuck!

Alice immediately snickered, while I became only half aware of Jazz shoving me forward.

"Duuuuude," he drawled in my ear.

"Bella, come on, everyone knows what's been going on_," w_as Newton's asshole smug reply.

I felt myself stiffen, but Alice turned to me, shaking her head to placate me; her expression still all out amusement.

Bella snorted without a pause. "They do, _Mike_. They've been talking about it all day; haven't you been listening? The whole school saw me and Edward screwing fifty ways til Sunday. So yeah, guess I'm going to the prom with _him_."

She was?

I was stonewalled by complete paralyzing desire; it was freaking painful.

"Aw come on, Bells, no more games." Weasel was persistent, but it didn't even remotely bother me by this point. Bella was owning his ass—just like she owned mine.

"Time to accept reality, Mike. I dumped you because unlike Edward YOU'RE A DUD ROOT!"

He wasn't a ... _what_?

Despite having the boner from hell, I could only blink my eyes blankly in complete confusion. I bent my head down to Alice, who was busy choking back her laughter.

"Alice, what did she just say?" I asked curiously, keeping the volume of my voice low.

Jazz spoke the same question only it was drowned out by Emmett who'd just arrived, exclaiming loudly, "DUD ROOT? NEWTON, MAN, THAT BLOWS!"

"Pun intended," Bella muttered.

Alice almost puked up her lungs bursting into laughter. "Dud root. It means," she paused to get control of herself, "shit at ... sex."

Oh God! I was too exhausted for another erection ... wasn't I?

"Dude, you're taking Bella to prom?" Jazz asked me.

"Apparently," I replied, shaking my head to myself almost incredulous. Just yesterday she was still ignoring ass and now—I wasn't shit at sex?

Obviously almost killing myself on some asshole in the halls had caused her wall to come crashing down in one go.

I quickly positioned my bag in front of me just as weasel walked hastily past us, his face a tomato, his eyes staring at the ground, and mumbling something about not being a shit lay. I snorted out a snicker openly and he hurried his step.

"Hey, dud root?" Emmett called after him. Weasel's eyes rose slightly in our direction and Emmett added. "Have a nice weekend, yeah?"

At that moment Bella stepped around from the side of her jeep, tentatively. The look on her face clearly indicated that she was mortified by the prospect that I'd heard her conversation with weasel.

She seriously didn't know I was there?

I smiled at her, watching as the color flushed her cheeks. She caught my gaze and smiled back, though her expression was flustered and slightly angry.

She only broke our gaze when Alice made her way over to her.

Alice hugged her impulsively, laughing as she did, before the two of them stepped back behind Bella's car and I lost sight of her.

Emmett passed me then, slapping me vigorously on the back. I had to fight to remain upright.

"Edwina..." he drawled, his expression freaking suggestive. "By the way, that rumor? Wonder who started it…?" He coughed deliberately, winking.

I only scoffed, breaking into a reluctant smile and shaking my head to myself.

I watched him approached Bella and Alice, and my heart almost stalled. I moved forward a few feet so I could see them; they were chatting, and as he passed them, he paused to say an over animated good-bye to Bella. She glanced over at him, breaking into a broad grin and raised her hand in response.

That seemed to be it.

I let out the air that I'd been holding subconsciously in my lungs, prematurely, because after he'd taken a few steps more, he turned back to her.

"Bella?" he called out, while my stomach lunged in panic

She looked over to him again, her eyebrows shooting up questioningly.

"How do you say the opposite of dud root? Cause obviously bludge needs a new nickname." He smirked, before turning to me and giving me the thumbs up sign.

_Fuck my life. _I groaned inwardly, reaching up to rub my brow with my fingertips.

Bella turned slowly to face me, her cheeks turning that fucked up appealing shade again.

I flashed her the best _I'm-sorry-my-brother-is-a-dickhead_ look I could manage in the second or two before she turned back to Emmett. I doubted she registered it, the expression on her face appeared jarred—and cynical again.

"Uh..." she stammered, sighing with an embarrassed sort of smile.

Alice interjected, rolling her eyes. "Emmett, leave her alone."

He winked at her. "Never mind, I'll come up with something."

I had no doubt he would.

He continued to his car, paused at the driver's side door then bellowed, "_DUD ROOT! WHERE ARE MY KEYS?_"

Jazz burst into laughter, while Bella bowed her head and exhaled, smiling to herself, and looking more and more self-conscious.

"_WHERE THE DUD ROOT IS ROSIE_?" Emmett exclaimed a moment later, and I truly thought idiot Jazz might burst a blood vessel in his brain.

Rose walked past only moments later, rolling her eyes. "I don't want to know," she sighed, before she stopped to give Bella and Alice one of those kisses that girls give one another—as a surge of envy flooded through me—before jumping into the passenger side of Emmett's massive F250.

Bella and Alice continued to chat a few feet ahead of Jazz and I. Bella was obviously waiting for Jacob and Nessie. Her eyes pulled in my direction a couple of times, before she reined them back to Alice, while the ruddiness to her cheeks remained intact—despite the fact that she was shrinking into her jacket from the wind. I couldn't feel the degree of the weather; I was too freaking hot to feel anything but the rate of my pulse and throbbing, half erection.

Jazz smirked. "Dude, seriously, have you two...?" He raised his eyebrows his grin turning smutty.

I whirled around in his direction ready to rip his freaking tongue out, when Emmett's voice sang out in the distance.

"_HURRY THE DUD ROOT UP!_" He was hanging out of the window of his car, about six cars back in the usual queue that you had to put up with every afternoon at the intersection of the school.

Jazz barreled over laughing like the total wank that he was just as the sound of Bella's traveled over to me. It effectively distracted me from my intention of killing Jazz as my train of thought ceased instantly by the soft timbre of it. It soothed my irritation in an instant.

I had no fucking idea what Bella did to me, but I found I wasn't so adverse to it anymore.

**...**

When the parking lot was practically empty, Jake and Nessie finally approached, walking slowly, tangled in each other's arms. But, on closer inspection, it became obvious that Nessie was unwell, and just as they passed Jazz and I she suddenly went into a bout of gross sounding coughing.

Jazz hastily whipped around, his hand clamped over his nose and mouth, anxiously. "Final game tomorrow—can't get sick!"

Jacob's eyes narrowed in his direction for the barest moment, before his attention quickly returned back to his girlfriend. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, his brow creased.

Bella quickly came toward her, her eyes wide with concern. "Oh, Ness—you okay?"

"Don't come too close, Bella. I'm contagious," Nessie replied in a miserable nasally voice.

Ignoring her, Bella wrapped her arm around Nessie's shoulder, before turning to Alice. "I'll ring you tonight, Alice, okay?"

"Cool, Bells. You still coming to the game with us tomorrow?" Alice asked, just as my heart reached the point of critical failure.

Bella was coming to the game with us—with me?

"I said I was, didn't I?" was her teasing response, before she turned her gaze in my direction and her smile broadened somewhat.

"Goodbye, Edward—see-ya, Jazz!" she stammered, turning her attention quickly to Jazz. Her face was flushing again, just as Nessie clamped her hand half over her face and began sneezing all over her.

"Goodbye, Bella," I replied softly, my pansy ass voice not really holding up. But since she had already turned and began walking Nessie in the direction of her Jeep, it was probably a good thing.

"See-ya, Bella!" Jazz sang out loudly after her, before snorting and nudging me forward.

She turned back in response to him, but her eyes locked with mine, and for a brief moment a wide smile brightened her face, reflecting in her eyes, before it vanished and she turned away, leaving me jolted and blinking numbly.

No suspicion, no I-see-right-through-you-Edward-Cullen shit—there was none of that!

"I think you left your balls in Bella's bag, dude," Jazz snickered, effectively snapping me out of my stupor with an internal groan.

I ignored him as he laughed at his own joke, and climbed into the back of Alice's car, over the passenger side seat.

There was the usual _Alice, Jazz, how-was-your-day, I-love-you-baby_ crap to sit through, before they finally dragged their asses into the car. After that, it was exactly three minutes into the car ride home when Jazz told me my body heat was turning the car into a crematorium.

"Jesus, Jazz, do you fucking Google at night?" Though I had to admit, that one was actually pretty original.

The only thing to stem their laughter was the next red light, where it was immediately muffled.

"Jesus fucking Christ... " I muttered to myself, letting it go in frustration, despite the fact that I was pretty much expecting it. If I didn't become immune to them, or find another way of getting to school, another six months without a license would be the fucking end of me!

**...**

Jazz's latest ploy in gaining extra time to feel up my sister was to drive to our house in the mornings, go to school with Alice and I, then hang out all afternoon with Alice, in the guise of _studying _with her in her bedroom. After he was fed, mom would eventually chase him off at the end of the day.

So when all _three_ of us walked through the front door that afternoon, Emmett had come up with my nickname, exclaiming it the minute I walked through the front door, "_DUDLEY DOO ROOT!_"

Jazz almost fell to the ground in a fit of idiotic laughter, while I groaned loudly, but it was all bullshit; I wasn't really pissed. Bella could tell anyone she wanted that I wasn't a dud root and Emmett could give me as much crap as he wanted to over it. It was completely fine with me.

Of course, now it was Emmett's favorite thing to say. You'd actually be surprised by the inventiveness in which he could drag it into conversation. The guy was a walking PhD, on wise assness. And every time he came up with a new way to express it, dickhead Jazz would practically bleed from his eyes, laughing so much.

I was hanging in the living room, watching television and studying in an attempt to avoid freaking Jazz and the little rat when they decided to join me. Emmett followed a few minutes later. I gave up on studying after the fifth time Emmett interrupted me with one of his dud root jokes, but since he hadn't cracked a single _cold without Bella_ joke, I was more than cool with it. In fact, after a while I realized I was subconsciously laughing along with dickwad Jazz.

"Jazzy, honey, don't encourage him," Alice whispered into Jazz's ear_—_while my skin crawled_—_after Emmett _innocently _inquired if Australia's version of Hooters was called Rooters. Jazz of course had gone into another round of dimwitted laughter. "I'll never get Bella to stay over on the weekend," she added with a sigh, while my heart came to a violent pit stop in my chest.

Bella was staying overnight?

"DUD ROOT, Dudley, you look like you're going to have a heart attack!" wise ass Emmett boomed. Jazz's laughter abruptly stopped and he turned his smirking attention my way, just before Emmett turned to Rose and added, "Fancy a root, baby?"

Rose loudly slapped him in the back of the head. "Don't be vulgar! I hang out with Bella too, you know. I do actually know the meaning of that word!"

Bella was staying overnight?

I suddenly began manifesting images of Bella in some black laced undergarment thing that she wore to bed, and was immediately required to leave the room.

"_DON'T HAVE A DUD ROOT, DUDLEY_!" Emmett called out to me.

Jazz's laughter followed me down the hall, getting under my skin, but it was quite effective in deflating the tenth freaking erection I'd had that day.

A cold shower later and a last minute whack off, but Bella in lingerie refused to budge from my thoughts.

I sat through dinner with steam practically rising from my damp hair, while Emmett went into round after round of dud root expressions. It had Mom convinced it had something to do with me not playing baseball the next day. She ended up telling Emmett to stop being insensitive, which only made Jazz snort his laughter back like the obnoxious prick he was.

"_WHO THE DUD ROOT FLUSHED THE TOILET?_" Emmett bellowed later that night as he took a shower, his voice turning deafening as it echoed from inside the bathroom.

I was guessing no one had.

In the hallway, Alice turned to me and rolled her eyes, just as I was about to enter my bedroom.

"Am I going to have to lock my door, Alice? Or do you want to come and tuck me in?"

"I think Bella will be tucking you in tonight, Edward," the little rat replied, breaking into a smug grin. I could feel my ears immediately flash purple—a confirmation of her suspicions. Her grin broadened and grew slyer. "Uh-huh ... I'm _so_ glad my room doesn't share a common wall with yours."

Throwing her a scowl, I took a threatening step in her direction. It brought out an immediate squeal from her before she threw open her door and disappeared behind it.

"_WHAT THE DUD ROOT ARE YOU FREAKY TWINS DOING_?" Came Emmett's still ear piercing voice from behind the bathroom door.

Scoffing to myself, I closed my door, grabbing my Bio book out of my bag that hung on the doorknob. Pulling myself idly on top of my bed, I gazed down at it for a moment. I was tanking in Bio, complimentary to Bella's presence every day. So, like I did every night, I attempted to catch up on the work I'd lost during the day's lesson, but after the open book had been sitting in my lap for half an hour, I realized I couldn't get Bella from my thoughts.

I had to get my shit together.

Pushing my hand back through my hair in a moment of contemplation, I reached over and grabbed my cell from my bedside table. There was something I'd been thinking about doing ever since the parking lot that afternoon, but had been stalling on ever since.

I clicked open my contacts, staring at Bella's name—even though I'd memorized her number the second I'd stolen it from Alice.

_She did say we were on writing terms,_ I thought to myself with a small grin.

I let my mind wander to Bella in Bio that afternoon; to way she was deliberately fucking flirting with me.

Either Bella was fucking with me or she was finally coming around. So fuck it, it was now or never.

Take your balls out of Bella's bag and do it, Jazz would say.

Clicking into my messages, I hastily texted what I'd been devising, before my hands became too pathetically shaky.

**Hey, Bella, just wondering what time I should pick you up for prom? Edward.**

I clicked _send,_ before the last of my bravery was choked out, and waited for her reply while my heart began thumping so heavily in my chest I was beginning to feel freaking breathless.

Ninety seconds later, my cell buzzed and I almost jumped straight over the side of my bed.

**Ha ha Edward, very funny. How would you pick me up? On your tricycle?**

I chuckled softly to myself.

**Not a bad idea actually and I'll let you have the seat, **I replied, wondering why the fuck I thought that was funny the second I'd sent it.

A minute later, or there about, came Bella's reply, **How did u get my number BTW?**

I hesitated, feeling myself tense.

Crap! I hadn't thought of that.

I thought about telling her that Alice had given it to me, but it was something she could easily verify, so I decided to go with honesty; hoping she'd be flattered by my stalker practices.

**I stole it from Alice.**

**righto, **was Bella's reply and added was a little emoticon of a confused face.

**R u mad?**

**No, not mad. You could have just asked me for it.**

**You weren't talking to me.**

**Yeah I wasn't... **was her response followed by another one twenty seconds later. **Thanks for sticking up for me today, Edward. I feel terrible.**

I let out my breath shortly. **Don't feel terrible. It's my fault it's happening.**

**No it isn't**, she replied.

**Yes it is**, I answered.

**It isn't! **And again another message come through a moment later, **What r u up to?**

**Trying to study, not much luck though. What about you?**

**Just veging, listening to the rain.**

**Yeah same here, except take out rain and add Emmett's snoring.**

**Lol. Do u guys share a room?**

**No, but the walls r so thin, we might as well.**

**Lol. **Before another message came sixty seconds later, **Want to hear my Forks joke?**

Jesus, even her text messages were adorable.

**Certainly**, was my reply_._

**You know u r from Forks when u think fast food is hitting a possum at 65mph.**

I broke into laughter, shaking my head to myself in awe of her.

**U r definitely a local now Bella**

We texted back and forth like that for over three hours. It gave me a huge insight into Bella's personality. She was _funny_; her sense of humor was dry and she had me bursting into laughter a few times that brought a loud bang from Emmett's side of the wall.

"_SHUT THE DUD ROOT UP, DUDLEY_!

It distracted me from the fact that I was beyond exhausted, and it wasn't until Bella texted, **It's been really fun chatting with you Edward, but I'm buggered**, that I realized it was one am. Though, it did explain why my fingers were stiff, and I almost preferred to have another part of my body take the reins in that retrospect for a while.

Texting back with a quick grin, I wrote, **I'm buggered too.**

**R u mocking me, Edward?** Added was an emoticon with its tongue sticking out.

I chuckled. **Not at all**.

**Goodnight Edward, talk at school tomorrow xx**

**Sweet dreams Bella**, I replied.

I regretted it as soon as it sent.

Jesus, I was such a pussy!

I was on-the-verge-of-being-a-stalker in love with her, and she knew it too. She knew she had me by the balls, while any semblance of my dignity was snuffed out when I told her I was cold without her, so why not just freaking go with it? She had already hated me enough times to reject me over and over again, but she was still up all night texting with me. I was beginning to win the war, and it was time I stopped this game playing shit and accepted it.

Just as I was falling asleep an idea suddenly occurred to me. I knew that if there was ever going to be a good time to wear the _"I've got a big pen"_ shirt again, it would be the next day.

I dreamed of her again; black lingerie and long dark hair spilling over her naked shoulders. I was wound up so freaking tight that it was inevitable, and in the morning when I woke up, stiffer than the Forks High School flagpole, shirt plastered to my sweaty chest and abdomen, I shuddered to think what Emmett had heard.

I hastily showered, resisting the urge to whack off a few more times, as I convinced myself that if Emmett heard anything over the deafening sound of his snoring, it'd be miraculous.

As I made my way down to the kitchen all logic dissolved and was replaced by a fear of the inevitable. Emmett could hear an M&amp;M crunch over the blaring volume he liked to watch the football on, and could smell a Pizza Hut twenty-five miles before we reached one. The guy's senses were freakish!

As it was, it was Alice who I had to fear. The moment I entered the kitchen, she shoved me then whacked me in irritation with the cereal box. The little rat was a lot more formidable than her five foot two height allowed for.

"What do you think you're doing stealing Bella's number from my phone?" she exclaimed, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring up at me.

My heart skipped a beat in sudden panic.

Bella had told Alice! Was she pissed?

My thoughts had just begun wandering back to our three-hour texting session, when Emmett walked in the room.

"So that's what you were doing last night, Edna? Phone rooting!" He smirked deviously.

Thankfully, Alice was distracted by the sound of Jazz laughing on the other side of the rear door; signaling his arrival.

Emmett threw himself lazily down in a chair at the breakfast table. I contemplated forgoing cereal, and looked in the refrigerator for no other reason than to hide from him. His sly grin was hinting at more than what he was giving away. I seriously freaking suspected that he'd heard a lot more last night than just my laughter at Bella's texts.

As he watched me his eyebrows suddenly pulled together. "What the root is that t-shirt you're wearing?"

It was enough to separate Jazz and Alice's g_ood morning, I love you Alley cat-Jazzy Jazz—_something I'd forbade them from doing while I was in the car. Idiot Jazz immediately asphyxiated himself on another round of laughter.

Alice whirled around and focused her attention on my t-shirt, her eyes narrowing threateningly.

"Don't even think about it, Edward!" she warned me with cower inducing authority.

"What?" Emmett spoke up with a mouth full of cereal. "Dudley's allowed to root with Bella again if he wants to."

I almost choked on the orange juice I'd just poured, as Alice's frustration began reaching a climax.

"Emmett, Jesus!" she cried with increasing impatience.

"Is Bella going to watch the game with you today, honey? How nice," Mom commented to me as she walked into the room.

"Yeah, he's hoping to get a few good roots in with her," Emmett added, his smirk turning cocky.

I spluttered back the orange juice while I actually thought idiot Jazz might freaking suffocate and die.

"Alice, get Jazz a glass of water!" Mom exclaimed with alarm.

We left soon after, and before Jazz's lack of control when it came to Emmett forced Mom into contemplating the real meaning behind _dud root! _It'd just be typical that she'd work it out, and I'd be the one she'd drag to Carlisle's office for a freaking sex talk, when ironically, I was the only one in the family _not _having sex.

* * *

**A/N: Emmett is such a dag, right?**


	23. My Date For Prom

**A/N: Ye gods, I'm almost at half way**

* * *

**Chapter 22**

**My Date for Prom **

**Edward's POV**

My plan for the day—without mentioning getting Bella to agree to go to the prom with me—was to talk to Jacob about weasel Newton, but by second period, and by the fact that Emmett had half the male population chorusing _dud root_ to Weasel on sight, I had a sneaking suspicion it would no longer be necessary. I was actually pretty relieved. Asking Jacob to rein in that prick Newton, when all I wanted was to snap that fucker's neck, would've taken another very large chunk out of my already fubar pride.

As it turned out, Jacob came to me.

I was walking through the halls in between second and third periods, when out of nowhere he half slapped, half shoved me from behind before stepping in line with me.

"So, _Princess,_" his voice was thick and nasally, and he coughed into his hand before he continued, "I just wanted to say that I appreciate you sticking up for Bella yesterday."

I opened my mouth to reply in a state of _am-I-in-the-freaking-twilight-zone_ shock, when he continued before I could answer. Not that I had an answer ready anyway, so in a way I guess he prevented me from looking like an idiot.

"I would have done the same thing, and if I was there I would have finished the asshole off while you were passed out." He smirked to himself, and I immediately tensed, fucking indignant.

I looked over at him drawing my brows together, not sure if I really had the right to be pissed off, when he met my gaze. His expression immediately darkened before he blurted, his tone hardening, "This doesn't mean I want to jump in bed with you, _Cullen_! And rest assured if you hurt Bella again, I _will_ dig a hole and bury you."

I just stared after him as he took longer, quicker strides and disappeared into the crowd ahead of me, before I scoffed to myself, shaking my head.

If that wasn't out of left field, I didn't know what was!

I was still musing over it in semi-disbelief when I spotted Alice and Bella approaching, and immediately a jolt of heat plowed through me; almost stopping me short.

I slowed my step to watch them more closely; Alice nudged her in a kidding way, and Bella sort of laughed softly to herself.

Mesmerizing? Shit, she was detrimental to my sanity! If I did, by some miracle, take her to the prom, I didn't know how the hell I was going to overcome this freaking reaction she brought out in me.

But what if Bella actually wanted to go to the prom with me?

This is when suddenly I was hit by a huge burst of confidence.

She'd told Mike-the-weasel-Newton I was not only taking her, but _screwing_ her! On some subconscious level, I think she wanted to go with me. Maybe it was the reason she stopped ignoring me, maybe not. But I knew Bella enough to know that if she couldn't stand me, there was no way she'd bring my name up, let alone yell to half the school that I didn't have a pencil dick.

Bella never chased me; it was going to have to be all me.

So, fuck it!

I quickly pulled my sweater over my head, shoving it into my bag with a few seconds to spare, just as she looked over at me and caught my gaze. I flashed her the broadest, cockiest, most charming grin I could manage, before I winked at her. Her smile had already lit itself up warmly across her face, when it faltered, and she practically frowned.

This was her usual reaction when I flirted with her, so I wasn't too concerned by it.

Her gaze then slowly broke from mine and drifted to my t-shirt. Her mouth fell open, before her eyes snapped back to meet mine and narrowed. I only grinned back wider and half shrugged with one shoulder. It was then that her surprised, cynical expression slowly gave way to this fucked up, warm, knowing grin, before she shook her head slowly to herself.

I knew from that moment on that I would never have the advantage over her again, but I didn't want it. I didn't want Bella to respond to me with battering eyes and idiotic giggles, and the fact that she was the only girl in the school who gave me evil looks when I smiled at her turned me freaking on.

She didn't buy any of it; she saw straight through me.

"Bella … Alice," I said to them. My smile was still charming, but it was waning dramatically with the freaking rise in my body heat.

"Nice t-shirt, Edward," Alice replied dryly.

I glanced in her direction just as she was breaking into a sarcastic grin before turning back to Bella. Her smile was turning cynical again, and I was just going to have to console myself that that's how she smiled at me.

"You're a dag, Edward," she replied lightly.

I only grinned broader, pushing it through my nose, not knowing what the hell that word meant, and not caring.

"What the hell am I supposed to do with your brother?" I heard her say to Alice a moment later, her tone light and teasing.

I knew what I wouldn't _mind _her doing to me...

**...**

By the time I was nearing the English block I was back to my usual wound up, horny, high strung self, and seeing Slut-bag Stanley waiting outside the classroom did nothing to help in that respect.

Quickening my pace, I turned my head away from her and stepped through the door when she called me back.

I inhaled deeply and deliberately before letting it out in a long frustrated sigh. Despite the fact that Jessica was on the evil end of being a complete bitch, being close to her brought flashbacks of that fucked up night at Rob's party.

"Yeah?" I asked her, shortly.

"Can I talk to you for a sec?" she asked me, flashing me a fucking slutty smile that was like nails down a chalkboard, and immediately accompanied by images of her running her hands—

Fuck, no!

Groaning to myself, I forced it from my mind to save myself the freaking agony of it. Ironically, I preferred to reminisce when I had my head down the toilet. It was something I recalled whenever I caught certain smells of alcohol, and just like now in Jessica's presence, it churned my stomach. Still, I'd definitely take that memory over the _other _one.

"What do you want, Jessica?" I asked her with an edge of impatience, reaching up to rub my forehead, aggravated and wishing I could erase all images of _that night with her._

It's not that I could blame her or anything. I knew how much of a whore she was when I called her, and if I was being brutally fucking honest with myself, if Bella never came to Forks, I probably would have fucked her by now. As it was, now every time I looked at Jessica all I saw was the contrast between her and Bella and what an absolute bitch she'd been to her.

"Well ..." She reached up and twirled a strand of her hair around her index finger—as if I was supposed to find it a turn on.

I waited, raising my eyebrows with emphasis for her to get the fuck on with it.

"I was just wondering ... if you'd like to be my date for prom?" Her tone was deliberately innocent.

I wanted to fucking scoff at her in disbelief, but instead, taking a measured breath, I answered her matter-of-factly, "Yeah—no, sorry Jessica"— though that was the last thing I felt —"but I've already asked Bella."

It was kind of true, I guess...

"Bella?" she exclaimed with a screechy voice that was like a fucking knife straight into my temple. "You're taking _her?_"

"Yeah, I'm taking _her_," I deliberately mocked her, smirking to myself when she immediately threw me this pissed off scowl.

"So ... you just _used me_?" The screechy voice continued, as if she was fucking indignant, but surely she wasn't that stupid.

"Seriously?" I asked her unconvinced. "What did you think it was about, Jessica? You basically tattooed it on your ass that if I called you you'd fuck me."

"And _you've basically_ fucked every girl in town!" she fired back at me, affronted.

"Not all of them…" I added, like the asshole I was, winking at her for added measure.

"Fuck you, Edward. Go to the prom with that frigid bitch. See if I care," she spat at me, and I was immediately pissed off—despite not knowing what the fuck that word even meant.

"Bite me, you whore-house—did you ever wonder why I had to be fucking drunk before I let you put your hands over me?" I shot back at her, about to turn and head into the classroom, when asshole Jazz passed me, grabbing the back of my shirt as he did, dragging me with him.

Shaking him off me and shoving him, I took my seat feeling my skin fucking crawl. The prick only sat beside me smirking to himself with full mocking fucking amusement. "You forgot to tell Jessica she's a _dud root_ too, dude."

"Fuck you, _Jazmina. _I'd fucking kill myself if I fucked that whore," I retorted lightly; though, I was 100% serious.

"You must have nine lives, then," he replied, continuing to grin to himself

I only released my breath, deciding to take him in good humor, but didn't reply.

**...**

"So, have you taken your balls out of Bella's purse and asked her to the prom yet?" Jazz asked as we headed toward the cafeteria.

I glanced at him and rolled my eyes, shoving the prick. "My balls aren't in Bella's purse, asshole, they're in the palm of her hand. That's the reason I haven't asked her yet, because she has the power to rip them off."

He snorted. "Well at least you're not in denial anymore."

"Are you able to speak a fucking sentence without mentioning the word 'balls', asshole?" I muttered, wishing he'd lose interest in this already, as I shoved open the double doors to the cafeteria.

He ignored me, obviously deciding to give me more fucking crap.

"You know, dude, all this shit Bella's doing to you, it'll all go away..." I looked over at him, just as his grin turned sly. "As soon as the two of you ..." he paused to raise his eyebrows fucking suggestively, "a couple of times."

I rolled my eyes, deciding to pretend I didn't know there was any reference to my sister in there somewhere. I didn't allow my thoughts to delve any deeper into his meaning either. I'd had enough erections the day before to know that after the tenth one, it was no longer a freaking positive thing.

"_DUD ROOT_!" Emmett's voice suddenly boomed out, just as Weasel shoved past us into the cafeteria. His head was down and he was muttering angrily to himself as half the cafeteria began chorusing it to him.

I snorted, while Jazz laughed out loud, and just as Alice stepped in line with him.

"Hey, handsome," she said to him, her voice in a tone that made a shudder run the freaking length of me.

I hung back as they made their way to line up for their lunch, searching the room for Bella. It was soon obvious she wasn't here, and at the thought of her not being in Bio—not going to the game, I was suddenly fucking panicked!

"She'll be back soon, Edward. She's taking Jake home," Alice explained to me, giving me that evil _I-know-you-better-than-you-know-yourself_ grin, as she sat beside Jazz at our regular table.

I sighed beneath my breath, but unfortunately, I was a fucking open book, and it didn't escape Jazz's attention. The asshole groaned, completely over exaggerating it.

"Pathetic isn't it?" he spoke to my sister, flashing me a smart ass grin.

I only sighed again, deeply—audibly.

I was forced to endure more of the prick's shit through lunch while I waited for Bella to come back. My plan was to ask her to prom on the way to Bio, but as the minutes ticked by I began to get anxious that she wouldn't be back in time. If she came back only in time for fifth period, it left the time between Bio and the car park. I was guessing the entire school was going to use the baseball final as an excuse to get out of last period, and I didn't really want to ask her with hundreds of people hanging around.

Eventually, Alice and Jazz decided to have a decent amount of fucking courtesy and include me in their conversation; small talk, which conveniently bypassed anything to do with the game that afternoon.

Yeah, I was upset about it, but I wasn't in denial.

It was right at this moment that Bella suddenly sat down in the seat beside me, surprising me so much it jolted my body temperature up ten fucking notches.

"Hi, Edward," she said lightly, crossing her arms over the table.

I cleared my throat, hoping my vocal cords had not turned fucking mutinous on me. "Hey, Bella. How's Jake?" I asked her, having no fucking idea why.

Her eyes widened a fraction—in surprise maybe. "Um ... he has Nessie's flu—surprise, surprise," she paused a moment, shrugging. "Yeah, he's pretty crook—sick," she stammered, immediately looking down as her cheeks deepened.

I only smiled at her.

"You ready for finals?" she asked after she looked up and met my gaze again, seeming to shrug it off.

"Yeah, I guess," I replied, slightly distracted as I willed my body to calm down, wondering if I'd ever get fucking acclimatized to her.

"Me too," she said softly, dropping her gaze to her hands again.

I watched her, a frown creasing my forehead.

"_DUD ROOT! THIS COLESLAW TASTES LIKE SHIT_!" Emmett's voice suddenly bellowed through the cafeteria.

Jazz started laughing, though it was muffled with whatever he was still doing with Alice, while Bella exhaled through her nose, her smile looking self-conscious.

"Bloody hell…" she mumbled more or less to herself.

"My brother's an idiot, Bella. Just ignore him," I said, leaning closer to her as I did, while she all but tensed.

I still couldn't get over the fact that she still reacted this way to me when I moved too close to her. She shrank a-fucking-way from me as if I was the Boston fucking Strangler.

But then seeming to redeem herself, she turned those eyes on me and flashed me this warm, kind of tender smile, reminding me again that I would_ never _figure this girl out.

While I was deliberating this with myself, talking myself out of the prom like the pansy ass I was, the bell for fifth period signaled, and my heart immediately stonewalled.

I turned to her, just as she was doing the same, before reaching over and playfully donging her hand that she had resting on the tabletop.

Her smile broadened.

"Wanna do Bio, crocodile?" I said like the mother of all dickheads, and just as prick Jazz openly laughed at me.

I only rubbed my brow, feeling my whole fucking skin prickle with mortification when Bella grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the table. "Let's go, alligator."

I let her lead me through the hall, with a freaking goofy grin plastered all over my face. That is, until I remembered what I wanted to ask her and immediately felt myself becoming derailed again.

As luck would have it, Bella had to detour to her locker first. It gave me the extra amount of time I needed, and pathetically, the time it took to walk to her locker, was how long it took to get the freaking nerve to open my mouth.

Grabbing her bag out of her locker, she slammed the door shut, before turning to me again with a quick grin.

"So ... erm ... I was wondering what time my tricycle and I should pick you up for prom? You never answered me last night?" I _almost_ sounded confident and charming, but I fucked it up by running my hand back through my hair.

She smiled in that all knowing way of hers. "You're a dork, Edward."

"Dork? No _dag_ this time?" I teased her, noticing her expression almost darken.

"Shut up," she mumbled; though, she appeared to be taking it in good humor, this time. "Why do you always mock me?"

Laughing softly, I nudged her, and this time it only brought the smile back to the surface again. "You haven't answered my question first."

She seemed to take a deliberate breath, before releasing it. "What was your question again?"

Was she fucking with me? I wasn't sure, but immediately I was doubting myself, my mouth all but fucking open—I didn't have a fucking clue how to respond to her.

She glanced up at me, seeming surprised by my reaction, before breaking into soft laughter. "Edward—I'm kidding!" She reached out and grabbed my arm, bringing the two of us to a standstill. "I'm _kidding_," she repeated, emphasizing it further before we started walking again. "Of course, I'll go to the prom with you—but you have to put pink streamers on the handle bars."

I was still flustered, having no idea how to react to her, but this time, I almost laughed, feeling my forehead ridge in confusion. "_What_?"

This was despite the fact that she'd just agreed to go with me. I almost completely missed it.

Her face immediately flushed, before she dropped it into her palm, groaning out loud. "Bloody hell, that was terrible."

I did laugh this time, way too fucking softly. "Okay, pink streamers. Got it."

Her expression turned cynical, before it relaxed again. "And I don't dance, so if you make me, I'll escape out the bathroom window and leave."

My laughter this time was beneath my breath—she was so freaking funny. "Pink streamers, no dancing."

She looked up at me again, her expression completely suspicious this time. "Are you mocking me again?"

"No," I answered, fighting the urge to grin as she continued to gaze at me dubiously.

Looking away she sighed to herself softly, shaking her head, but a small smile was tugging on her lips.

Again, I had no fucking idea how to respond to her, or what the fuck was going through her mind. If she was any other girl I'd be convinced she was completely fucking with me, but not Bella. She didn't play games, and I was way over my head with her.

But Bella only continued to smile at me. It was more than likely out of amusement for how much of a pussy I was. At least, that's more or less how she made me feel...

Still, I got her to agree to go to Prom with me, so I had to be winning the war with her—no matter how many battles I'd already lost.

Without fully realizing it, I broke into a huge, fucked up self-satisfied grin, unable to shield it from her—even when that smile remained curved over her lips, and she was no doubt thinking what a dickhead I was.

**...**

Entering the class room, I took my stool beside Bella, before grabbing my Bio book out of my backpack. When I straightened back up in my chair, Bella nudged me, before leaning a fraction closer to me.

"You should be on your guard, Edward. Just because we're screwing now doesn't mean I still don't want to kill you."

I turned to her, but I had no fucking words.

Who the fuck was this girl? She turned to stone the minute I got too close to her, but then she was all touchy feely with me, completely fucking flirting with me?

In response, Bella only laughed at me, soft and teasingly. I didn't know if it was a good thing or not, but before I could contemplate it, she leaned into me again then caught my clammy, trembling hand in hers and squeezed it.

That was the official end of me, because I knew from that moment on that I would never work her out.

Since finals began Monday, Mr. Banner decided that we'd have a break from all the revision and do something light. His idea of _light_ work was a crossword puzzle using Bio questions and answers.

He quickly went down the aisle handing the sheets out. As he approached Bella and me his eyes fell on my t-shirt and his brow cocked slightly, a small smirk appearing on his lips. He handed Bella two sheets of paper before moving on.

"I think Mr. Banner finds your t-shirt amusing, Edward," Bella said lightly as she slid a crossword sheet in front of me.

"I'm very proud of my large pen," I joked back, and she sort of scoffed out her reply through her nose.

Never convinced; never falling for it.

I glanced at her; she was looking at her sheet, still smiling to herself, knowing full well that she completely owned me and looking like she was enjoying the fact that she did

"Shut up," I answered, sort of half mocking how she usually responded to me, but then I wasn't fucking sure.

Her grin only broadened, but she didn't reply, before she began filling out her crossword—with a pink pen.

"Bella?" I gauged her, after a moment of collecting myself.

She turned from her sheet to gaze at me. "Yeah?"

"Did you ... buy more pens?" I asked.

She flashed me a funny look. "No. You gave me this pen ... remember?"

"Yeah, but ... in the parking lot..." I abandoned it. It wasn't exactly a fond memory; Bella shoving my pens back at me.

She sighed and turned to stare at the pen for a moment, before meeting my eyes again. "Yeah, I know, but I found this one under my bed the night—I tried to kill you." Despite her teasing tone, her face still clouded over momentarily while her eyes sparked with an emotion that she quickly masked.

Sort of smiling at me, she half shrugged, before turning back to her sheet and continuing to fill it in without another word on the subject.

Okay, _that_ was always going to be awkward, but I was glad she didn't avoid it all together. I guess it was better to get it out there, instead of pretending it never happened at all.

I decided to make a further joke of it. After all, it was seemingly the only contact I could have with her that didn't reduce my senses to levels of critical failure. "So, are you still planning on killing me?" I nudged her again gently.

It worked though. The grin immediately swept across her face before she turned squarely to face me; her eyes locking with mine. "Well, that depends if I catch you in compromising positions with _Jessica Stanley_ again—," she stopped dead as her face immediately burned, before turning abruptly to the front of the classroom.

I ran my hand through my hair, hoping Bella was too distracted enough to notice. The idea that she saw what Slutbag and I were in the middle of doing that night made me want to fucking cringe. Yet despite how awkward as all fuck it was, a smirk began to creep stealthily across my face.

She was jealous.

"Bella?" I said coaxingly to her, my tone deliberately teasing and gentle.

"Yeah?" She cleared her throat, turning slightly, her eyes meeting mine before she dropped them, maintaining the charade of continuing her crossword.

"I promise to never _ever_ be in a compromising position with _Jessica Stanley_"— my voice constricted as I spoke her name —"ever again." I was sincere. I meant to sound charming, but how the fuck was I supposed to breech the subject of _that_ lightly?

She looked down, her forehead continuing to furrow, before she opened her mouth to reply, when I quickly added, "You know she asked me to the prom today?"

"She did?" Bella asked surprised, before her lips twitched in amusement.

I nodded. "Yeah…"

She took a deep breath and sighed, rolling her eyes. "I can't wait to hear the rumors that come from that."

I only smiled, before she suddenly began chuckling. "I pushed you into her arms again, because of my violent, bike pushing, boyfriend killing tendencies."

I chuckled with her, mainly because the sound of Bella laughing for any reason was contagious, and for a third time she leaned into me, nudging me with her shoulder.

It jolted me temporarily into suspended animation.

Jesus...

Her laughter softened, and she turned back to fill in her crossword puzzle. I watched her for a moment as she used my pen to quickly scribble down her answers, before pulling my own sheet in front of me and starting it.

We sat in silence for several minutes working, when Bella, having completed her crossword, turned back to me. She watched me for a few moments making the grin inch its way across my face.

"Bella, your staring is unnerving me," I teased her, looking up to meet her gaze, and was just in time to see her cheeks again turn boldly red.

She looked away, flustered

"I-I ... was just waiting for you to finish," she stammered, her eyebrows coming together in what looked like sudden irritation.

I broke into a conceding smile. "I'm sorry. I guess it's still a shock that we're on speaking terms again."

Her returning smile was wry and knowing. "Don't push it, Edward."

My grin widened again, but I didn't reply.

She let me finish my crossword before she asked me tentatively, "Are you upset about not being able to play today?"

Releasing my breath, I put my pen down—noticing Bella rarely did the same with hers. When she wasn't writing she would twist it around her fingers or clutch it in her palm.

"I am a little bit, I guess," I admitted truthfully with a shrug.

She contemplated this for a moment, looking down at her pen. "But you'll be allowed to play next year, right?" She gazed back up at me, the depths of her eyes seeming endless again, and I had a horrible fucking feeling it was from guilt.

I freaking _hated _that Bella blamed herself for my own stupidity.

"Yeah," I replied lightly, smiling at her with a forced amount of optimism.

In a couple of months I had to have more tests done to see if my spleen was still functioning with half of it cut off. If it was, I'd be given the all clear.

She glanced away, and I opened my mouth to reply when Mr. Banner took his position at the front of the room and called the class to order. Tearing my eyes from Bella, I quickly turned my attention to my sheet and completed the last few questions.

With only ten minutes remaining until the end of class, and knowing that everyone was going to the baseball final, Mr. Banner excused us.

Bella put her pen in a little compartment inside her bag, slung it over her shoulder then turned to me with her eyebrows raised.

She was waiting for me! The last time she'd waited for me at the end of Bio was ... the Friday before the party.

Hastily shoving my bag over my shoulder, I stepped into the aisle with her and followed her out of the classroom, walking in line with her once we were outside.

As we passed the gym into the open air, the wind hit us and she shivered into her jacket. Her face was paler in the cold air, but had remained flushed—making me react impulsively. Wrapping my arm around her, I pulled her against my side.

Initially she turned rigid, but it didn't seem to make her uncomfortable. In fact, she leaned closer against me as we walked to the parking lot, before she released herself to grab her car keys from her bag.

I immediately noticed that Alice's car wasn't there, as I stopped walking and glanced around for it, feeling the irritation rise in my chest.

Bella, who'd continued walking, turned back to me.

"What are you doing?" she asked me, her expression giving way to confusion.

"Has Alice gone somewhere?" I asked her.

"Yeah, she took Jazz to the game. They had to go a bit earlier," she replied simply.

My forehead knotted together more deeply as my aggravation increased. "Well that's great, but how did she expect me to get there."

She only smiled at me, warmly, but with her brow creasing slightly, with that cynicism of hers. That was Bella.

"With me, silly," was her response.

"Really?"

She folded her arms in feigned offense. "Well if you're that uncomfortable about it, I can drop you off and you can take your tricycle."

I was going to feel _very_ uncomfortable. My temperature was already breaching all extremes.

"Alice asked me before I took Jake home," she further explained. "I'm guessing she didn't let you know?"

I only sighed. When did the little fucking rat ever let me know anything?

"No," I replied, half shrugging.

"Well, come on then," she said, jumping into her car, flashing me the tenth freaking cynical smile that day.

* * *

**A/N: The cheese, it's everywhere!**


	24. Piece of Pie

**A/N: This Alice POV was originally meant to be an outtake, but I loved it so much.**

* * *

**Chapter 23**

**Piece of Pie**

**Alice's POV**

I upped the stakes for our pre-match make-out session; I couldn't jinx jazzy after all. It was the final game against Rochester—the same team that beat us last year. Last year when Jazz was so shy and fumbling around me that I was lucky if he opened his mouth when he kissed me.

A lot had changed, I thought with a small smile as I watched Jazz, his face still dazed, his eyes glazed over, as he pulled up his uniform pants clumsily, a goofy grin on his face.

"Fuck I love you, baby!" he said to me a moment later, his eyes midnight blue as they met mine. His grin grew before he plunged his face into my neck and sighed.

His body was still quivering, I noticed.

"Well I wanted to make it count, Jazzy," I murmured into his ear as he cringed slightly and chuckled.

His steamy breath tickled my skin before he pressed his lips tenderly into it. "My Pixie Pie, you're not a dud root either," he mumbled into my neck again before pulling away and locking his lips with mine, just as I was breaking into laughter, cutting me off instantly.

No chance Jazz would get carried away; my lips wouldn't hold much appeal to him for a while. Not to mention the fact that he was completely mellow from being post climactic.

It was how our traditional pre-match make outs had started. Jazz used to be so tense before his games, and I'd rather graciously offered my services in relaxing him. Though, we needed to leave earlier and earlier these days to fit it in.

It usually occurred in the back seat of either Jazzy's or my car, in a nice secluded place in the woods, a few miles from the field. I say _usually_ because at times we were required to take Edward with us and were then forced to venture out to find a suitable place on our own.

It was not our finest hour over all, but fast becoming our most adventurous. Besides, the end result was always what we aimed for; Jazz hadn't screwed up in a game once since our little tradition had begun.

Jazz drove us to the game, one arm draped around my shoulders, the other on the steering wheel, with that wide _just-got-laid _grin invading his expression. It was a lot sexier, though, when we were in his mustang...

"We'll celebrate properly tonight, Alley cat," Jazz whispered huskily into my ear and kissing my neck tenderly, preferring it to my lips for a while.

We were behind the dugout in the bleachers, rounding everything off and leaving it on a high note.

"We most definitely will," I replied, reaching up to tickle his earlobe. He stiffened and laughed, kissing my forehead quickly before he jumped over the gate in one agile movement onto the field and disappeared into the dugout.

Sighing contentedly, I made my way higher up onto the bleachers, finding a seat that would give me the best view.

A few minutes later I noticed Edward and Bella approaching, my smile growing into a smirk. They were strolling leisurely as they chatted, their bodies angled towards each other. Bella's smile was warm and a little apprehensive, while Edward's looked ... slightly unhinged. His hands were shoved in his pockets stiffly, his hair—judging by the state of it—looked like it had seen his fingers raked through it on numerous occasions. I wondered when and how he managed to express his frustration with Bella so close.

I scoffed softly to myself and realized, as I focused more intently on him, that he was obviously in the midst of one of those _heated moments_ he had around Bella—something I really hadn't seen firsthand before—nor did I want to, for that matter. I felt myself cringe; you could practically see the vein in his forehead throbbing. His face was flushed and he looked like he'd just wiped beads of sweat from his forehead, judging by the light sheen to it.

He was carrying his shoulder bag with him—which was kind of weird.

I suddenly broke into laughter—trying to keep it to myself as scores of people began filling the seats around me—as the realization of Edward's motive behind the bag dawned on me. Exactly two seconds later, my skin began crawling while a cold shiver ran up and down my spine as my thoughts probed beyond the humor.

_Argh, Edward!_

I turned away hastily, pushing away that disturbing little insight into my brother, tucking it to the back of my mind along with the rest of the memories there. Memories forged from being born into a family with two older brothers—though Edward was only four minutes older—which would undoubtedly see me in therapy at some stage. Emmett's _nudist_ phase when I was thirteen still had remnants of my sanity in the red.

I shuddered again, only slightly grateful that Edward's circumstances were no longer at the forefront of my mind—not that I preferred Emmett's or anything—before my attention was immediately diverted to the field. Jazz and the team were making their way to their respective positions.

I felt the grin penetrate my face deeply, as a wistful sigh involuntarily escaped my lips.

Could that guy get any sexier?

What his baseball uniform alone did to my erogenous zones—not to mention how it accentuated his taut buns...

I propped my elbows on my knees and rested my chin in my closed palms as my thoughts wandered to our privately scheduled post match celebrations tonight. Whether I was celebrating or consoling with him, I was determined to make him—

"Hey, Als," came Bella's warm greeting as she dropped down in the seat beside me. Edward sat awkwardly beside her and took the opportunity to run his rigid fingers through his hair while her attention was on me.

The poor guy really was tortured by her.

"Hey, Bells," I replied, throwing Edward a wicked smirk and almost chuckling as he scowled back, before placing his bag on his lap.

I shuddered a second time.

Bella's eyebrows fused together as she gazed at me before she slowly turned to glance at Edward.

Well, at least he still had an effective amount of charm working, because when she turned back to me, a slight blush was working its way to her cheeks.

"So we're just in time, huh?" she piped up, her eyes taking on a glazed appearance momentarily as a small smile lit up on Edward's face.

I wasn't sure whether the two of them were cute or a total cringe-fest yet, but what I _did_ know was that there was no way I could sit with my brother while he was in _that _condition.

"Edward?" I spoke up and he turned his star crossed gaze from Bella to me, his brow shooting up in question. "Jazz said something about the coach wanting you to watch from the dug-out," I explained to him as though it was a very important piece of information that I'd only just recalled. It wasn't a lie, just a slight variation of the truth.

From what Jazz had said, it was an invitation from the coach, so Edward was still a part of the final game, in a sense.

He looked torn. He glanced from the field then to Bella, both alternatives causing his eyes to burn with longing, though his gaze lingered on Bella and immediately I felt a pang of guilt. But seriously the guy _needed_ to focus on a bit of baseball and get himself under some kind of control—something he obviously had none of. I hated to think what he'd be like when Bella slept over. Emmett would give the poor guy hell.

He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck before he sort of shrugged to himself. "Okay, thanks, Al. I'm going to get a drink or something first. Do you guys want anything?" He looked directly at Bella when he asked this, and judging by his smile I doubted the offer extended to me.

Bella smiled back shyly. It was strange to see that side of her again.

"Um ..." she paused, tilting her head in contemplation, "I'll have a pie with sauce," she answered before she dove into her bag—to retrieve some money I assumed—while Edward looked at me his expression bewildered, raising his brow questioningly at me.

I shook my head in reply. I had no answers to that one.

Bella looked up again, a ten dollar bill in her hand, glancing at Edward and me slowly, her expression turning puzzled.

"What kind of pie do you want, Bella?" Edward asked her delicately, not being able to hold back the amused smile that was so tender it was practically a serenade.

"A _meat_ pie ...?" Bella repeated, suddenly looking uncertain, her face steadily flushing deeper.

I chuckled and nudged her playfully while Edward's expression turned more affectionate as his grin broadened. She dropped her gaze and smiled to herself self-consciously, and I knew she wasn't being as near as gracious to herself as she appeared. She hated her _bogan _Australian language—I never had the heart to correct her when she said that. I wondered if she would still feel the same way if she was aware of how much Edward liked it. How every time she spoke the word _'bloody' _he'd start smiling to himself as though she was a puppy who was doing something irresistibly adorable.

Just like he was doing now...

"I don't think they sell pies and sauce unfortunately, Bells," I teased her warmly. She grinned to herself, it was still self-conscious, but turning wry. When she raised her head again her cheeks looked like she'd gone OCD on Esme's rouge.

"Get her _hot chips and sauce _instead, Dudders," I quipped artfully, gazing up at Edward and almost laughing as his expression went from adoration to irritation in the length of a breath, no doubt thinking what an evil little rat I was.

I knew Bella's hot chips and sauce story was meant to be a vent when she told me, but I honestly couldn't stop myself from laughing the entire afternoon over it. She had been a good sport about it, just as she was now, nudging me back with a mocking amount of aggravation.

"Get me anything, Edward," Bella said to him a moment later, holding out her ten dollar bill.

He surveyed it for approximately half a second. "My shout," he replied, grinning at her in that OMG-what-an-adorable-puppy way again before stepping over me, placing his hand roughly on top of my head as he passed and headed down the bleachers.

I shook him off with exasperation. "Hey! What about me?" I called out after him when he kept going.

He turned back smirking knowingly. "I'm sure you and Jazz _ate_ together when you first got here."

I blinked in surprise. How the hell did he know that?

My eyes wandered to seek out Jazz on the field, narrowing, before I turned them back to meet Edward's again, whose smirk had widened cunningly.

_Jazzy! _I thought with a piqued huff!

"Just as I thought," Edward added, making me rue I wasn't holding something heavy that I could propel at him.

"Males," I grumbled, turning to Bella who was grinning at me secretively. I felt the grin tug at my irritation, knowing one look in Jazzy's direction and it would completely dissolve. I was hopeless.

"So what _did_ you and Jazz eat before Edward and I got here?" Bella teased me dropping her voice in a mock whisper.

"_What_ did you and Edward talk about in the car?" I imitated her tone.

"Oh ... the usual." Bella shrugged with deliberately feigned indifference. "How I'm going to kill him ... how he's going to get me to the prom..." she continued, a furtive smile playing at her lips.

"No way! Don't tell me he actually pulled out the courage to ask you!" I exclaimed, suddenly bursting with pride for my goofball of a brother.

"Alice, come on, I told wanker-bloody-_Newton_ that I was going with Edward. I would never have been able to live it down if I showed up without him." Bella's grin was all out sly and playful.

I snorted. "And that's the _only_ reason you're going with him?"

Her smile turned wistful while her cheeks burned brazenly for a moment. "Well ... no, we're going as friends."

"Uh-huh," I replied slyly, deliberately sounding out both syllables while Bella's face tinged deeper.

"Edward's nice—I mean—he's trying and ... he's—he's nice," she stammered, obviously feeling the need to explain, while squirming in her seat a little awkwardly and dropping her gaze from mine.

"Uh-huh," I replied again smirking, exaggerating the syllables with a drawl this time, before turning my gaze to stud muffin, sexy buns at first base.

He looked up and caught my gaze, his grin broadening, making my heart do a little flip flop. I blew him a kiss, and like the adorable dork that he was, he went through the motions of catching it and putting it in his pocket.

"Oh _seriously?_!" Bella scoffed teasingly from beside me. "You know, Als, you and Jazz are pushing down the door of being grosser than Nessie and Jake."

I turned to her with a mock scowl, and she chuckled.

"So how are you and my _'nice' _brother getting to the prom?" I asked her, raising my brow astutely, almost chuckling as her eyes warmed immediately.

"On his tricycle," Bella replied straight faced as a small secretive smile formed.

"What?" I asked her blankly, as she laughed.

"Never mind—" she broke off suddenly with a gasp just as the deafening crack of a baseball connecting with a timber bat all but broke through the sound barrier.

I followed her gaze. The ball was flying high through the sky, threatening to land beyond the boundary fence as the outfielders took off in pursuit of it.

I held my breath, wanting to close my eyes and cover my ears as the buzzing in the atmosphere immediately heightened. It was the same type of catch that Edward had missed during the final game the year before; a contributing factor to their loss. Ironically, as tall as Edward was, he was probably a centimeter too short to catch it.

The left fieldsman leaped up, stretching his arm toward the ball and caught it with millimeters to spare.

The crowd broke into cheers.

I let out my breath, sighing with relief while a few surrounding Bella and me muttered and cursed in disappointment.

I turned back to Bella a moment later. "So, you and Edward are going to the prom together, just as friends?"

She half shrugged. "Yeah, I can handle being just Edward's friend."

I gazed at her with growing skepticism and I was sure something flickered behind her eyes contradicting that last admission. I grinned broadly, raising my brow deliberately. "I think you're in serious danger, girl."

"Alice..." she mumbled, her cheeks staining as another surge of heat gathered in them.

_Crack!_

I turned my attention back to the game.

"_DUD ROOT_, it's started already!" came Emmett's booming voice without warning, bringing out an immediate, but good-natured sounding groan from Bella.

Jazz was chuckling and shaking his head to himself, while catching the first base runner out with casual ease.

A surge of heated desire washed over me.

"Alice, why do I feel the need to tell you and Jazz to get a room?" Rose said dryly, sitting on the other side of me.

I tore my gaze from Jazz, rolling my eyes and answering with completely feigned haughty innocence, "Because your mind is in the gutter, Miss Hale."

She snorted unconvinced and took her nail file from her purse.

Only Rose would manicure her nails during her brother's final game.

My eyes caught Bella's and guessing from the hinted amusement in her expression, she was thinking the same thing.

"Where's Doo Root?" Emmett inquired casually with the smallest smirk as though it was actually Edward's name, as he sat himself beside Rose.

I was actually glad Edward was going to the dugout now, and with the presence of Emmett my guilt over it went on a steady recline.

"He's going to watch from the dugout," I answered him.

"Well that will be cooler for him—now that Summer's coming and all," he quipped, his eyes darting in Bella's direction, his lips twitching as he struggled to keep a straight face.

"Em, stop being a wise ass," Rose sighed with exasperation, holding out her hands to examine her work.

As if on cue, Edward appeared carrying a small plastic bag. He sat beside Bella, pulling out a coke for her and a tray of fries.

"You're back, Duds. What happened, did you get cold?" Emmett grinned with sly wickedness, causing Rose to jab him with her nail file.

Edward sighed, rubbed his brow with aggravated impatience and threw Emmett a truly menacing glare.

"Dud root!" Emmett exclaimed, with fabricated alarm.

Edward hung with Bella for a few minutes eating his hot dog while Bella munched on her fries, sharing them with him, and offering them to me and Rose.

I knew Edward was very conscious of the fact that we were all aware of how awkward and unsure of himself he was around Bella, so I tried to act casual and not make a point of watching how cute they were. I kept my eyes on the lush form that was Jazzy at first base, but my attention was firmly fixed on the two people adjacent to me. They were chatting and laughing softly together and a quick discreet glance in their direction told me that Edward was sitting so close to Bella that their arms were frequently coming into contact. I found myself smiling, almost wistfully at first—as it evoked memories of Jazz and I when he first began to get touchy-feely with me—until it became a full assuming smirk. Gone was all Edward's confidence and self-assurance. My cocky brother who's misplaced logic had always been encased with his emotions, who'd often assured me he'd never make a fool of himself for any girl, had finally been cracked, and was at this moment well beyond the point of no return.

Until Bella came along, Edward's interest in girls, other than for sexual gratification, had been practically non-existent, and together with his daily mocking assurances that it wasn't likely to change, had Emmett—unable to crack him—deciding he was gay.

From then on over the next several months we were forced to listen to _The Village People_ constantly! Emmett used to set the stereo timer so that as soon as Edward and I came through the door each day after school, we'd be greeted with '_Macho Man' _on full volume_. _He'd wiped Edward's Ipod and filled it with Barbara Streisand and Abba; it was Jazzy that discovered it—much to Edward's continued torture.

That Christmas, Emmett had bought Edward a t-shirt that had _'Pink sheep of the family' _written on it, and Edward's nickname from then on had been "_Gaylene"_. Edward had gotten so pissed off about it after a while that one day he threw a baseball at the back of Emmett's head so hard, it actually made a cracking sound that made my blood run cold just as I was about to erupt into laughter. Emmett had roared, clutching the back of his head and howling for a good ten minutes, before he responded by punching Edward in the face—only half teasingly—but giving him a black eye. His torture method over Edward had then been making loud comments at school—usually in between classes when the halls were jam packed with bodies—that Edward should learn to _open his mouth or open his eyes in future. _It wasn't until mom found out what Emmett was saying that it stopped, not that it did any permanent damage to Edward. Not too many people took Emmett seriously; outside of the wrestling ring that is, and Edward had screwed enough girls that his reputation was pretty solid.

I must have been grinning at Edward in a ditzy way because as my memories faded slowly from my thoughts, my brother's face came into focus, a bemused, dubious expression slightly creasing his brow. His thoughts were practically screaming at me: _Alice ... what the fuck?_

This seemed to be who Edward had become of late; the one who'd emerged from the fallout that was the turmoil of our lives over the last several years, almost whole again and not nearly close to being healed, but with Bella beside him I knew that would right itself in no time.

I turned back to Jazz and smirked to myself discreetly. Let them think I was lusting after the provocative form that was my boyfriend and go back to sharing their plate of fries.

Fries, chips—it was all good.

* * *

**A/N: Yeah, it's all good-thanks for reading**


	25. Hurricane Edward

**A/N: The pinball scene—had it happen to me once. *swoon***

* * *

[Muses:]  
You keep on denying  
Who you are and how you're feeling  
Baby, we're not buying  
Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling  
Face it like a grown-up  
When ya gonna own up  
That ya got, got, got it bad

[Meg:]  
Whoa: No chance, no way  
I won't say it, no, no

**I Won't Say (I'm in Love) - Hercules.**

* * *

**Chapter 24**

**Hurricane Edward**

**Bella's POV**

The game was eight innings, lasted three hours, and kept us all on the edge of our seats. The energy in the air was electric, and I found myself being caught up in the excitement and anticipation of it as Alice clutched me in a vice-like grip, unable to watch for most of it.

The Spartans got ahead in the the seventh inning and won 8-5. This is when Alice promptly burst into tears, and pulled me after her down the bleachers, putting me in serious peril, as we bounded down, weaving through spectators.

When we made it to the perimeter fence, Alice leaped over it and ran to Jazz, throwing herself into his arms. Grinning to myself knowingly, I turned to look for Edward; he wasn't in the dugout. I was more disappointed that he wasn't able to play than what I thought I'd be. The last game he played in I arrived half way with Ness; that was the day I realised Edward was making more of an impact on me than what I wanted to believe. He'd caught a ball, which looked for certain was going to go over the boundary fence, by leaping into the air and stretching his arm out, before turning and throwing it to home base, all in one fluid movement.

My knees had practically buckled while my mind wanted to scoff cynically at myself. How torn I was back then. I wish I could say I was still this way, but I wasn't. I couldn't deny it any more, and it scared me; it made me feel vulnerable.

I hated to feel that way.

I scanned the crowds quickly, but there was no sign of him. I decided to head back to our seat in the bleachers when I suddenly caught the soft, huskiness of his voice close to my ear. "Hey, Bella."

Startled, I turned around and almost fell against him. "Hey! Congratulations! Great game!" I said in a flustered way as he righted me.

"Yeah ... it was," he mumbled in agreement. He was smiling down at me, those jade green eyes of his canvassing mine deeply. They flickered with a kind of wistful sadness before eventually it echoed in his face.

"It must have been hard watching from the side lines, huh?" I was fighting the urge to wrap my arms around him in consolation. The look of disappointment on his face was so prevalent, yet he refused to allow that smile on his lips wane.

"It was ... a little bit," he admitted with half a shrug.

Alice was definitely right. I was in _serious_ trouble!

Now that I had accepted what I was feeling for Edward instead of fighting it, I was beginning to feel like I was in that eerie calm you get before a major storm hits. The sort of storm where the air is filled with static electricity so tangible that when it washes over you the hairs on the back of your arms and neck stand on end.

That's how I felt in Edward's presence now. It wasn't just desire I was feeling, or attraction, it was also panic.

Panic because Edward could hurt me in a way that only my mother was able to in the past. I knew this because he already had.

I was suddenly bumped from the side, all but falling against Edward's chest again as someone shoved past me. His arms flew out to steady me before he drew his arm around my shoulder, pulling me gently toward him. My senses immediately flooded and a moment of wooziness took hold of me.

I hated to admit it, but I had let Edward do what I swore I wouldn't allow him to do. Charm me.

At that moment, and just in time to save me from my moment of weakness, a group of guys from the team grabbed Edward and pulled him backwards through the gate to the field. His arm slipped from my shoulder just as they proceeded to shower each other and Edward with cans of cola.

He flashed me an apologetic smile before he was pulled further into the team's celebrations. Jazz was among them I noticed, so I looked around for Alice, who just then seemed to materialise beside me. She startled me so much that I jumped in surprise.

"Bloody Hell, Als!" I laughed after my heart stilled.

"Come on, _bogan_, they're having the presentation soon. Then we're off to _celebrate_!" she replied with over the top enthusiasm, before dragging me back to our original spot in the bleachers where Emmett and Rose remained.

The team was presented with the winner's trophy and each player was given a medal. Edward stood, almost comically among his uniformed team mates, wearing his big pen t-shirt, which was drenched through to his chest with cola. It elicited a sudden rush of desire within me that my heart began to thud so heavily it seemed to heat me from the inside out.

I peeked at Alice, suddenly paranoid that what I was feeling was blatant, but she was too busy gazing proudly at Jazz with tears welling in her eyes, to notice. When I glanced at Rose it was obvious she was seeing straight through me. She only smirked at me in that canny way of hers, validating that Jake had been right all along; what I felt about Edward was written across my face.

Afterwards there was more commotion as people scattered in all directions to leave. Alice ran off, practically jumping over the edge of the bleachers to escape the crowds in her haste to get to Jazz. I hung back with Rose and Emmett who were sitting the crowds out, making a move a few minutes later.

I had taken only a few steps towards the parking lot, when I immediately came to an abrupt stop, with my breath catching in the back of my throat. There was half a dozen guys from the team all hanging out in front of Alice's car with her and Jazz. Edward was among them, and what had stopped me short was the fact that as I approached, he suddenly pulled his t-shirt over his head.

My heart turned into violent thudding while my eyes absorbed every curve and contour of his bare chest until they fell still on the five-inch scar that ran parallel to the left side of his stomach. It was still pink and tender looking, and I noticed as Edward pulled on a clean shirt that his careful movements indicated that he was still very conscious of it.

Taking a measured breath, I deliberately broke my gaze from him, slowing my pace to allow an approaching crowd from behind to move in front of me. I didn't really want Edward to know that I'd caught him half naked, and I needed more time to recover from the fact that I had.

When I was within a few metres, Edward glanced in my direction, a smile immediately lightning up across his face. I smiled back and folded my arms across my chest to protect myself from the approaching chill that dusk was bringing with it. It was also to muffle the echoed thudding of my heart that continued relentlessly as my gaze held on to Edward's. It was easy enough to convince everyone I was cold; I was. It was almost summer, and as everyone was breaking out their short sleeves, all I had done was remove one of the many layers I wore.

"There you are, Bells. We were just about to send a search party out for you," Alice said brightly.

"What's happening?" I asked.

"We're just deciding where to go to celebrate," Edward answered me, his tone was deep, and I had the sudden ridiculous urge to close my eyes to properly take in the soft timbre of it. Instead, I sighed impatiently beneath my breath as my stomach squirmed with an edge of panic.

I was impatient because I was so panicked.

This afternoon in Bio I'd been flirting with him—openly and without reservations, but that was before I let my thoughts wander over the ramifications of really opening myself up to him. That's when I started becoming plagued by doubt. Deep down, I knew it was just an impulse and its origins had implanted themselves in me years before I'd ever met Edward, years before I'd moved to Forks, but it was still hard to overcome.

Old habits die hard, they say.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Edward asked me quizzically, his brow furrowing.

"Yeah, I-I'm fine," I stammered, smiling at him quickly.

His smile turned warm, and as my heart accelerated with both longing and fear—because I was now completely defenceless to him—I found myself becoming more and more frustrated.

It was old Bella's reasoning, I told myself. Pre-Forks Bella. Bella, when Renee was my only relative, and who I'd allowed to repeatedly hurt me.

Edward wasn't Renee, and I was no longer old Bella!

Pushing these cruxes from my mind, I moved to stand beside him, nudging him teasingly. I heard his breath leave him in shortly, before he draped his arm over my shoulders.

_It's going to be fine—you're going to be fine,_ I told myself one last time.

The discussion on where to go went on for several more minutes before it was decided that we were going to the pool hall in Port Angeles.

The guys headed to their own cars, leaving Alice and Jazz to feel free to express their love and affection with just Edward and I present.

I cleared my throat, maybe too softly, because it did little to distract the two of them. "Um ... I guess I'll head..." I left the sentence unfinished, knowing there was absolutely no possibility that they had heard.

"Are you coming too, Bella?" He had his back to Alice and Jazz but it was still obvious that his skin was practically crawling.

I wanted to laugh, because I knew exactly what he was feeling.

"Sure," I answered with a simple shrug, feeling a wave of disorientation by his returning smile.

"Do you mind if I ride with you again?" he asked, tilting his head in Alice and Jazz's direction and raising his brow in emphasis.

I laughed softly. "Come on then."

**...**

Edward directed me out of town and onto the freeway to Port Angeles; it was only another five minutes until we reached the pool hall.

We didn't talk much during the drive, I was plagued by that gnawing panic again over the fact that my feelings for Edward seemed to be already getting away from me. We could talk so easily, yet we sat in awkward silence and the more I tried to fight off the panic, the more the awkwardness grew.

Edward cleared his throat softly several times as if he was going to speak, but didn't. He rubbed his forehead with the tips of his fingers and scratched the back of his head—all fidgety things that practically screamed out how uncomfortable I was making him.

By the time we arrived, he practically bolted out of the car—not that I could blame him. I pulled the keys from the ignition and took a deep, frustrated breath.

I'm no longer old Bella, I wanted to scream.

But I knew deep down a part of me always would be.

I turned to open the car door, determined to erase my crappy past and all its irrelevance to my life right here and now, when it suddenly swung open, startling me. Edward was standing in front of me, his hand held out and that grin of his in tow.

"You okay?" Charming, yet unsure of himself. This seemed to be who Edward was lately; ironically I missed that cocky guy he was so good at being.

"Yeah, I'm good," I replied, semi flustered.

I took his hand, it was … clammy and I had the urge to chuckle. Instead, pretending not to notice, I allowed him to help me out of the car. He didn't release my hand; instead, he tightened his grip around it and led me towards the entrance of the small building. I glanced up at it; there was a neon sign at the front of two crossed pool cues, but other than that it seemed all but quiet. I'd be almost convinced it was empty inside but for the fact that the small parking lot out front was full.

The pool hall was dim and there was a haze of smoke that hung permanently in the air. In the middle of the room there was four pool tables beneath long halogen lights that illuminated them. A couple of dart boards, pin ball machines and a rusty looking duke box aligned one wall, and on the opposite was a bar, where several of the guys from the team were already sitting and joking about rowdily.

This was where Edward led me.

"Hey, dude!" One of the guys that I sort of recognised from school piped up. He and Edward did one of those guy handshakes, before he turned to me. "Is this your girlfriend?"

Edward and I quickly glanced at each other, then back to him when he added nonplussed, "Hey, I'm Jackson?"

"Hi, I'm Bella," I replied, smiling rather awkwardly knowing my face was probably brighter than the neon sign out front from the _girlfriend _remark—though, I didn't mind it at all.

"Ah _you're_ the Aussie!" Jackson stated with an amused grin.

"Uh ... yeah..." I answered, immediately self-consciousness.

"I didn't know you were going out with the Aussie, dude!" Another guy from the bar stated.

Edward opened his mouth and spoke maybe one syllable before the guy turned to me with a look of amused curiosity. "So, Bella, say something Australian?"

Edward groaned completely in sync with my internal one, before shoving him playfully. "This is Robert," he said to me.

I recognised him immediately. It was his party where Edward had almost killed himself.

"Hi, Robert," I said adding a friendly smile to my hidden discomfort and silently prayed he'd lose interest in hearing my bogan language.

Whether he did or not I thankfully didn't get to find out because Edward began introducing me to more of the guys on the team. I suspected it was half his motivation for it.

Once everyone was properly acquainted with each other, Edward ordered a couple of drinks before Alice, Jazz and two girls, who were vaguely familiar, approached us.

"So, Bells, you found it OK," Alice said slinging her arm around my shoulders to turn me towards the two girls.

"Yeah, no thanks to two _certain_ people," I replied throwing her a wry, knowing grin.

She grinned broadly, her eye's glistening devilishly, before she cleared her throat and began her introductions. "Bella, this is Tanya and Kate. Guys, this is Bella."

"Hi," I said with a friendly smile, having sudden deja vu, with an accompanying pang of fear in the pit of my stomach from my first day at Forks High School.

"Tanya is Jackson's girlfriend and Kate is Robert's," Alice explained.

"Don't hold that against us, though," Kate quipped with a light chuckle, before her eyes turned in Robert's direction subconsciously.

I smiled and opened my mouth to speak when Jazz came up to Alice from behind and wrapped his arms around her, snuggling his face into the side of her neck.

"We're going to play pool, Alley cat," he murmured into her neck.

I turned my attention quickly back to Tanya and Kate, who were smirking at each other cynically. Kate caught my gaze and I grinned back in understanding.

"Totally gross, right?" she said rolling her eyes in emphasis.

I was about to agree when a bottle of cola was passed over my shoulder to me. I took it and turned around to face Edward, he flashed me a quick smile. "Have fun."

"You too," I answered, returning his smile with added affection before I turned quickly back to the girls, having a sudden onset of disorientation again.

"So how long have you and Edward been a couple?" Kate asked me casually as I followed her, Tanya and Alice and seated myself at the bar.

"Umm ... actually we're just friends," I explained. I'd made an extra effort to sound casual but judging from their expressions, they didn't buy it.

"Friends…" Tanya echoed, her tone trailing off as a sceptical look quirked her brow.

"Yeah," I replied as my face flushed boldly, all but contradicting me.

"Umm, Bella?" Kate spoke up delicately. "It's pretty obvious from the way he looks at you that he's feeling more than friendship."

Alice from beside me snorted. "_Total _understatement! They're going to Prom together as well."

I started to understand why Edward referred to Alice as an evil little ferret. Not that I'd ever heard him exactly say it, other than muttering it to himself. I turned to her and scowled, only half teasingly, before I quickly turned to Kate. "As friends," I repeated the lie.

Alice nudged me teasingly; I only sighed, breaking into a resigned smile.

"Oh yeah ... friends..." Tanya replied with deliberate cynicism, sliding into the stool beside me. "Mm-hmm."

I rolled my eyes in good nature, but didn't offer a reply.

Technically it was true, at the moment Edward and I were just friends. It was a hell of a lot more than what I thought we'd be just a few weeks ago, but I couldn't deny that the idea of being _only _Edward's friend made me feel more panicked than the idea of being more.

Alice suddenly slung her arm around my shoulder, pulling me in with light affection. "You know we're only teasing you, right, Bells?"

I turned to her and smiled genuinely. "Of course I do."

"You're not mad?" she asked as a brief look of uncertainty crossed her face.

I scoffed softly. "Don't be a dag."

"Well you know me, _dag extraordinaire._" She grinned before continuing after a short pause, "So are you sure you're okay? You seem a bit distracted tonight."

"Yeah, I'm fine," I answered simply with a small shrug.

Alice gazed at me, her forehead creasing faintly as she continued to eye me doubtfully. Then seeming to shake it off, she spoke up, "Come on, lets go perv on the boys."

"Righto." I chuckled softly before jumping down from the bar stool and allowing Alice to pull me over to where Tanya and Kate had levitated to by the jukebox. As we passed the pool table where Jazz and Edward were playing against Jackson and Robert, Edward looked up and smiled at me warmly. Before I could think about a response, my lips had already formed into a returning smile.

As soon as Alice and I sat at the small round table, Kate turned to Tanya and snickered lightly before turning to me with a devious look in her eyes. "Oh, look at Edward's starry eyed gaze of …" she broke off to deliberately draw it out, clearing her throat to exaggerate it further, "_friendship._"

Alice laughed.

"Well, if that's the look he gives his friends then his _'come fuck me'_ look should have the power to unhook your bra and take off your panties all on its own," Kate spoke up, completely straight faced, raising her brow at me suggestively just as I inhaled my coke and almost drowned on it.

They all laughed loudly, attracting the attention of the boys, as I attempted not to snort cola through my nose. When I was confident that my face was no longer a beetroot and my eyes weren't bulging out of my head, I shot a discreet glance at Edward and immediately caught his gaze. He tilted his head fractionally to the side before turning the full force of his smile on me and mouthed _'you okay?'_

I nodded quickly and a little stiffly, my replied smile probably forced.

Not old Bella and _definitely_ not feeling only friendship!

"I see you've got the friendship eyes happening too, Bella," Tanya added with a defining smirk.

After another flood of heat rushed to my face, I finally admitted, "Okay, I _like_ Edward."

Kate laughed. "Bella, you're too easy. So how come you left Australia?—"

"Hey, guys, let's put something on the duke box!" Alice quickly interjected and I felt an immediate surge of affection for her.

We took turns choosing songs on the ancient looking duke box, laughing at each other's selections until all that was left to choose from were love songs. At this point _our_ boys had finished their game, and Alice had pulled Jazz onto the makeshift dance floor to do everything but dance with him. Tanya and Kate followed soon after, disappearing with Robert and Jackson, which left only Edward and me, along with four other guys from the team who were still playing pool.

I was sitting down at the rickety little table next to the duke box when Edward came and sat down next to me, flashing me a warm smile with elements of uncertainty.

"Do you want another coke?" he asked me after a moment of awkwardness.

I shook my head in answer. "I'm fine."

"Do you want a game of pool?" he offered after another round of silence.

I chuckled softly. "I suck at pool. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not very dexterous, Edward."

"Who, Bella Swan? I would have never guessed," he teased me with a cheeky grin.

I only flashed him a feigned scowl, and whacked his hand that rested on the table.

Chuckling, he glanced over his shoulder at Jazz and Alice briefly and when he turned back there was a look of slight exasperation knotted into his brow.

"I'll give you a lift home if you'd rather avoid those two," I offered. I knew Alice had plans with Jazz that didn't include driving Edward home.

A broad grin broke across his face. "Thanks, Bella. If I know those two they won't be going straight home anyway."

"I live with a younger, sloppier version of them, so I am in complete empathy," I replied, faltering a little because he'd turned the combined intensity of his eyes and smile on me that soon grew with amusement.

"Why are they sloppy, Bella?" he asked, before hastily clearing his throat. "Never mind..."

I exhaled quickly through my nose, almost laughing at the notion of Edward asking about Jake's love life, but didn't offer a reply, and it seemed to break through the discomfort between us. For the next thirty or so minutes, we chatted easily, laughed and flirted—to the point where Edward began getting very _hands on._ At first he just played with my fingers, before his hand moved to my hair, and then my face, inching me closer to him...

I was beginning to feel flushed, semi-drunk, and incredibly jittery.

_Not old Bella. Not old Bella. NOT OLD BELLA!_

"Want to play pinball?" I spoke up, clearing my throat awkwardly.

"Sure," he replied, his voice deep, as an uncertainty reflected in his tone again.

Of course, I was absolutely crap at it. The little silver ball insisted on mocking me by running straight down the middle of the machine exactly five seconds after I slot it into action. Each time it did Edward would laugh, and every time he laughed, the timbre of it turned more and more gentle. It was incredibly distracting and didn't contribute to my abysmal pinball skills to say the least.

Edward insisted I play, only to laugh at me as my score bordered new lows, but when I had all but given up, he suddenly closed in behind me, placing his hands over mine, helping me coordinate the timing of the button. I almost instinctively tensed while my heart began to hammer, and it wasn't long before it took almost all my concentration not to simply surrender myself and lean against him.

Edward pressed my fingers over the buttons at the right moments and the ball surged up through the machine. I was overjoyed by our sudden success, expressing it openly. Edward chuckled, I felt the slight rocking of his body as it vibrated from his chest, and again the urge to relax into him became almost overwhelming.

We played like that for several minutes. Our game score climbed higher and higher, and as Edward's efforts continued, his body would brush against mine sending bursts of shock waves through me, making me grateful that I had my back to him. I was finding it hard to become accustomed to Edward's proximity, it was impossible when every nerve ending in my system was buzzing with the ambience of it.

Then he moved closer.

He leaned in over my shoulder, moving my hair from obstructing his view before he bent further down to whisper in my ear, "See, Bella, it's all in the timing." His voice was soft and gravelly and his breath was warm as it washed over my face, burning my skin with an undercurrent of desire.

He didn't move away. His body remained lightly pressed against me, shrouding me completely in the warmth of his constantly heated skin, and I knew from that precise moment, the storm was definitely brewing.

The complete awareness I had of him was just beginning to give way to gnawing of panic, when he placed both his hands on my shoulders squarely, his warm fingers brushing gingerly against each collar bone. My hands froze over the buttons and I watched almost dazed as the ball bounced off a couple of obstacles before it rolled between the levers. I was cognizant only of Edward's hands as they gently squeezed my shoulders, his breath washing hotter over my bared skin.

I began feeling overheated, my mind beginning to fog, before I relaxed myself against him only a fraction. He ran his hands down my arms, his fingers barely grazing the cotton of my shirt, before they gripped my waist and gently turned me to face him.

When I looked up to meet his gaze, he was staring at me, his eyes burning deep green in their depths. My heart was pounding, and I was sure he could feel it against him as well.

He slipped his arms further around my waist, drawing me even closer to him before tightening them tentatively.

Then he smiled. But this wasn't a smile I was accustomed to from him. It wasn't the one he gave me when he was finding amusement in my accent. It wasn't one of those cocky self-assured ones when he was bombarding me with pens, and it wasn't one of his arrogant ones when he was acting like an asshole. It wasn't even reflecting this new, uncertain side of him.

It was … honest.

I returned it with warmth; I felt dazed, but I was knowingly and completely surrendering to him, without a shred of fear or apprehension.

He tilted his head almost with caution, and that's all it took to snap me back to reality—and totally screw it up.

Pulling from his embrace—whether it was instinctual or not I wasn't sure—I took a step backwards, banging up against the pinball machine and wincing.

Immediately Edward's demeanour changed. A look of doubt broke across his face along with something else that caused me to immediately regret my impulsive reaction.

Rejection.

I opened my mouth to apologise, but Edward beat me to it. "I'm sorry, Bella." His deep voice was soft and remorseful. His eyes met mine only very briefly before he turned them to his feet, making the guilt swelling within me increase.

"No, Edward!" I blurted out hastily. "Don't be sorry, you just kind of caught me off guard. It's not that I don't want to..." I let it go with a deep sigh and glanced down at the floor along with him.

Bloody hell. If only he knew how much I _wanted_ to kiss him; how much I wanted _him_ to kiss me.

When I looked back up, Edward was smiling at me again, only this time it was awkward. He nodded and sort of half shrugged. "Okay."

"I really didn't mean to react that way," I insisted, my voice soft with regret, wanting for him to believe me.

"Bella, it's fine," he replied. He reached over, grabbed my hand and pulled me along with him in the direction of the bar. "Has anyone ever told you that you think too much?" he teased me.

I laughed softly though it held a shadow of bitterness. He sounded exactly like Nummi. "Constantly."

We sat back at the bar, and after Edward ordered us another round of sodas, he turned to me.

"Bella...?" he breeched; his tone was uncertain again, and his expression reflected it further.

"Yeah?"

"Are ... you sure ... about prom?" He looked away, his hand moving to rub back of his neck.

"W-what do you mean?" I faltered. Had he changed his mind? Did he think I had?

When he turned back to me he looked ... unsure. "You—I dunno. You seem different tonight. Uncomfortable ... distant..."

I released my breath, relieved, breaking into an apologetic smile. "Of course I'm sure. I'm sorry I'm being ... spacey. I don't mean to be."

"Bella ... tell me what's bothering you?" he asked me, his tone dropping, seriously.

"I..." I began, biting down on my lip and glancing away, unsure how to explain it. When I looked back at him, I broke into a sheepish grin and shrugged a shoulder.

He suddenly nodded, realisation sparking in his eyes, when he smiled, with some of his charm creeping back in.

"Yeah... How about we take it a day at a time, okay?" He sounded so sincere that it immediately created a swell of affection within me. Edward came across as self-assured and arrogant, but he often showed a vulnerability and sweetness that broke through all my barriers.

Broke through old Bella's barriers.

**...**

It was past one am when I turned down the long, winding road to Edward's house.

Turning off the engine, I turned to him, flashing him a warm smile. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, though a word of warning," he spoke almost as a groan, his brow bunching.

"Okay…?" I asked curiously.

"Try to ignore Emmett," he answered dryly with the barest hint of exasperation.

I chuckled gently. "Alice has already warned me."

Edward moved to open the car door, but I reached out and grabbed his hand to prevent him. "Wait!" He turned back to gaze at me quizzically, before I closed the distance quickly between us, kissing him on the cheek tenderly. "Good night, Edward."

He turned his head to face me, his lips suddenly centimetres from mine. He paused, gazing at me for the longest moment.

"See ya, Bella," he replied eventually, his voice low and gravelly, but he didn't move away.

I blinked slowly, contemplating the idea of leaving my eyes closed and leaning towards him just that fraction more, redeeming myself from earlier that night, when Edward jumped quickly out of the Jeep. My eyes immediately snapped open, along with an echoing of disappointment.

He took a step towards the porch, but then turned back around and tapped on my window. Confused, I wound it down, raising my eyebrows curiously.

"Hey?"

"yeah?"

"Later, alligator," he said with a sleepy, charming smile on his face, and with that he kissed his forefinger and placed it on my nose.

Breaking into an immediate grin, I replied, my voice dropping a tone softer, "You're a dag."

Pushing his laughter through his nose, he jogged up to the porch, and turned, seeming to wait for me to leave.

With a deep, wavering sigh, I turned the Jeep around and headed home. I could still feel the heat from Edward enveloping me, and for the first time since I'd arrived at Forks, I turned the heater in my Jeep off.

**...**

Billy was waiting up when I got home, then feigned ignorance with the whole 'I-didn't-realise-the-time' line. I broke into an affectionate smile; I loved him for caring.

"How's Jake?" I asked.

"Yacking up his lungs. The kid's pretty sick," he answered, cocking an ear suddenly just as the sound of thick, congested sounding coughing trailed down to us from upstairs.

"Poor thing." I sighed before I headed toward the stairs. "Goodnight, Uncle Billy."

"Goodnight, sweetheart," he replied, turning off the television and making a move for the stairs himself.

I packed my clothes ready for my sleep over at Alice's the next day—Alice and Rose were coming early to pick me up for our prom shopping—before, putting my pink pen on my bedside table where I could see it, I climbed into bed, shut off the lamp, and waited for the sound of the rain to lull me off to sleep.

It took longer than usual with Edward's smiling face and smooth husky voice still prominently in my thoughts, but eventually I succumbed to the pull of exhaustion.

I dreamt about Kel again. I'd been dreaming of her every night for the last week. It was the same as it usually was; her and I sitting on the back fence of the horse paddock chatting. Exactly as we used to only a few months before.

The conversation was always centred on Forks and me, and this time was no exception.

"I'm glad you're giving Edward another go, Bells. He's a good bloke," Kel said lightly, trying to hide her amused smirk by biting into the carrot she was holding for her horse.

"I know he is, but he scares the hell out of me." I sighed, nudging her playfully, knowing full well that she was taking every delight in my situation.

"You just scare too easily. But I'm not kidding, Bells, he's good for you and you for him," she admitted with a serious edge to her tone.

I turned to her bemused and quizzical. "How do you know all this? You might not like him in the flesh."

"I've _seen_ him in the flesh, and I have to say, you have a lot of willpower to hold out for so long after all those pens." She broke into laughter before whistling loudly, attracting the attention of a tall chestnut horse. Then jumping down off the fence, she ran after him through the field lithely, as though she had the wind beneath her feet.

I stared at her, a confused, unnerving feeling furrowing my brow. Her horse … it looked exactly like Chester. He had died when we were kids. He was her favourite horse and she'd been inconsolable for months.

Immediately I was staring at the ceiling of my room with my rapidly beating heart lodged in my throat.

Outside, the rain was still pelting the shingles relentlessly, while the night sky lit up intermittently from bolts of lightning. It was a usual night in Forks and one that I was fast becoming accustomed to—even loving, but right then everything felt wrong. I racked my mind for possible meanings; meanings other than the fact that Kel was dying, just as I did every night while my breathing evened out. I had the urge to cry and I couldn't deny any more that the looming sense of foreboding was getting closer and closer.

I had to go back home.

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading *smooch***


	26. Weekend at Edward's

**A/N: Cue comic relief part 2**

* * *

**Chapter 25**

**Weekend at Edward's**

**Bella's POV**

"Did I see you and my brother getting oh so cosy by the pinball machine last night, Bella?" Alice asked me, glancing over her shoulder with an all knowing smirk.

We were on our way to Port Angeles in Rose's car. I was tired and still unsettled, but I made an effort to hide my distraction from Alice; it wasn't hard though, her remark had made me practically baulk. Though, it was a more preferable reaction than turning beet red.

"How the hell did you manage to _see_ anything?"

Rose snorted in agreement. "Touché."

Alice laughed softly. "I see all, Bella."

I scoffed lightly with a small smile but didn't reply, before turning to gaze sleepily out the window again. After I'd talked myself out of panicking over my dream the night before and attempted to get back to sleep, Jake had kept me up for the remainder of the night with his constant coughing. And at that moment, the cold, rainy morning coupled with the motion of the car were making my eyelids droop heavily.

"Hmm, Bella, you look almost as tired as Edward did this morning," Alice added, winking subtly at me through the mirror that was attached to the back of the visor as she applied her lip-gloss.

"Jake's coughing is cracking the foundations, if you must know. It was practically impossible for me to sleep last night," I insisted before huffing good-naturedly at Alice's replying expression of dubious scepticism.

"Alice, you and my twisted brother recreate all twelve scenes from the porn I caught Emmett watching the other day, every time you see each other, and you insist on giving poor Bella crap over the fact that her and Edward are finally getting their shit together," Rose spoke dryly without averting her eyes from the road, a hint of a smirk indicating that she was only fractionally more than bored with the topic of Jazz and Alice.

I chuckled.

"Ooh, but it's just so cute. You know the last time my brother showed this much interest in a girl?" Alice asked me, turning around fully in her seat to face me.

I sat up a little too eagerly, noting the corner of her lips twitch before I quickly made out that I was repositioning myself for the purpose of comfort only.

Rose piped up before I had the chance to answer, "Umm, let's say—never!"

"Exactly. Never, but I'm not kidding, Bells, as much as he's screwed up in the past, you're good for him—and he's good for," Alice added, her voice softening a fraction with sincerity while her expression turned almost serious.

It took me less than a moment before the realisation over Alice's words sunk in. I bolted upright in the seat as the air squeezed from my lungs, staring at her almost stunned. "W-what did you just say, Alice?" I blurted, barely able to find my voice.

Alice stared back at me, her expression slowly turning puzzled. "Are you okay, Bells? You look like you've just seen a ghost?" she asked after a moment's pause.

My heart quickened, as the sense of fear began to build, but I quickly pushed it from my thoughts.

Coincidence—it was just a coincidence.

"Um … Bells? You're going white," Alice observed, her expression piquing with concern.

I shook my head, annoyed that I was allowing panic to inch closer to the surface again. "I'm fine. I'm just tired, I guess."

Alice gazed at me for a fraction longer, before she turned back around. It was clear that she didn't believe me, but she didn't press me on it. "I hope you're not getting Jake and Nessie's flu," she added, and I suspected that statement was for Rose's benefit.

I smiled at her meekly before continuing to stare out the window and wrestle the melancholy from returning.

By the time we arrived in Port Angeles I'd won the battle. I couldn't help it; I loved the story book, sea side town so much that every time I came all I could feel was a romantic reverence toward it. And together with the dilemma of finding the right prom dress, I had all but forgot my dream of Kel.

Alice had all but announced to me over loud speaker several times during the morning—which was her usual style of tact—that Edward was wearing black. So I settled with the first dress I found; fitting, with the right amount of dip to the cleavage, in tan and black. Though, Alice and Rose, as well as the salesgirl, insisted I try on several others to be sure. After the tenth one, I was even more positive that I preferred the first.

"So who are your prom dates?" asked the overly enthusiastic salesgirl who seemed excited by all things prom—regardless that she was carrying at least a dozen of Rose and Alice's discarded try-ons.

Rose stuck out her forefinger in Alice's direction while her gaze never left the full-length mirror as she scrutinised the scarlet, figure hugging dress from every infinitesimal angle, and mumbled distractedly, "Her brother."

The salesgirl's grin widened before she turned her arched brow in Alice's direction. "And yours?"

Alice smirked and pointed to Rose. "_Her _brother."

The salesgirl turned to me. "So, whose brother are you going with?" she asked teasingly.

I smiled abashedly and pointed to Alice. "Hers."

The salesgirl only laughed.

"Oh God, we really are from Forks," Rose muttered, meeting my gaze through the mirror and flashing me an ironic grin.

"You're from _Forks?_" the salesgirl asked, arching a rather dubious eyebrow. Alice turned to her, narrowing her eyes and the salesgirl quickly added, "I'm from Beaver."

"I thought you're only _really_ from Forks if your cousin is your date," I spoke up ignoring the salesgirl's unspoken innuendo.

Alice grinned.

"Nope, that's if you're from Beaver," Rose answered with a small smirk as Alice coughed back her laugh.

A faint smile remained on Rose's lips before she sighed deeply, her attention back on her reflection. She turned again for the umpteenth time to peer at her naked back in the gown.

"Well, if you're from Rocherie you take your blue heeler, and they don't have proms they have socials in the town hall," I joked lightly . . . to the sound of crickets chirping.

Okay, I brought that one on myself, but still, I didn't expect to be stared at as if I'd just spoken Klingon.

The salesgirl peered at me above the mountain of clothes she was holding with a blank, bewildered expression plastered across her face.

"Bells, what the hell is a blue heeler?" Alice asked, grinning at me with laughter shining in her eyes.

"It's a cattle dog," I mumbled, feeling like a giant idiot.

"Well that makes plenty of sense, Bells. I'm going with a bear," Rose added with a knowing grin, before she again turned back to her reflection, sucking in her breath and sticking out her bust. She scrutinised herself from both sides then back again with her hands on her hips before she turned to Alice and I with satisfaction. "This one's definitely it—what do you girls think?"

She looked stunning; there was no other word for it. I nodded in agreement, vehemently. She was gorgeous, but Alice contemplated it for a moment as though she was studying the trends in the stock market.

"Honestly, I thought the blue one looked better on you," she finally spoke up, her tone earnest.

Rose huffed and rolled her eyes. "Emmett is wearing _red_."

"I thought you didn't go for the kooky matching prom outfits thing?" Alice teased her.

Rose threw Alice a quick scowl and went back to scrutinising her appearance for a further five minutes before deciding on it.

"Okay, bitches, I've already got my shoes, so I'm going make-up shopping," Rose spoke, scanning the streets for the best store to start in after we emerged from the formal wear shop two and a half hours after entering.

"Okay, how about we meet at the cafe in an hour?" Alice suggested.

"Sure," Rose replied simply before crossing the street, leaving Alice and I to head for the shoe shop.

I found my shoes in the same fashion as my dress. I picked a pair that matched my dress and tried them on, but Alice still made me try several pairs before making a final decision. In the end, I bought that first pair.

Alice only laughed lightly, shaking her head to herself then continued to try on half the shoes in the shop, deciding finally on a silver strappy pair. The size of the heel alone gave me nightmarish visions of lying flat on my back in spinal traction.

With dresses and shoes in tow, Alice and I made our way to the cafe. The same café, oddly enough, that Jake, Nessie and I came to on my first day in Forks.

We found a booth in the corner with Alice shuffling in beside me, while I glanced around searching for the hostile waitress who'd first made me conscious of how different my English was.

"What's up, Bells?" Alice asked me, after surveying me curiously for a moment, when she suddenly piped up in realisation, "Wait a minute, is this the _chips and sauce _cafe?"

I grinned sheepishly. "How did you guess that?"

Alice smiled at me artfully. "I told you, I'm very perceptive," her grin broadened before turning teasing, "and there isn't that many cafes in Port Angeles, you dope. So point out Miss Bitchy Waitress, I want to give her some p—," she began before I could reply, only to be cut off as the messages alert on her mobile beeped. Sighing, she pulled it from her purse. "Rose … she wants us to start without her." She looked up and rolled her eyes deliberately. "Should have known she'd lose herself in a cosmetic store."

I chuckled softly in agreement, nodding my head. "As if Rose even needs it."

"Uh-huh," she mumbled in reply, before she was suddenly gazing at me, her expression turning sober.

I gazed back at her slightly unnerved. "Alice . . . what?"

"Out with it, Bella," she said flatly, her tone sedate.

"O-out with what?" I stammered, and all but sealed my guilt.

Sure enough, Alice's brow shot up suspiciously before she sighed. "Bells, you've been acting . . . strange all week. Is it Edward? Are you changing your mind about him?" she asked delicately, her expression slightly pained, as I all but scoffed.

"No, it's not Edward," I replied a little too sharply.

Not _everything_ I did—or felt—or said, resolved around Edward!

"Okay, it's not Edward."

I sighed immediately remorseful. "Sorry, Als."

"Good grief, Bella," Alice retorted, her tone laced with exasperation.

"I'm okay, really." I wasn't even close to sounding convincing, and Alice's expression didn't falter a fraction to suggest that she believed me.

"You're not," she stated, while her brow came together with concern.

I just shrugged and offered her a weak smile.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked gently.

"There's nothing to talk about, really," I insisted, my voice trailing off as my thoughts probed beyond the boundaries that I had not let myself cross since Kel's accident. My heart instantly clenched as a wave of panic threatened me.

"Bella, I'll let you in on a secret." Alice bent toward me a fraction as if she was disclosing some juicy gossip.

I tilted my head slightly in her direction, my curiosity piqued. "Yeah?"

An almost sad smile spread slowly across her face. "Your face is very readable, and right now it's screaming at me that something is very wrong."

I exhaled into a long drawn out sigh. It was inevitable; Alice was right, Jake was right. "Als, I've got to go ho—to Australia. I'm thinking next week after the prom, or as soon as I can get a flight."

"Oh. . ." was all that she offered as a reply, her tone barely a whisper.

"I-I've got to see Kel. I mean, she's not getting better, and if anything—" I broke off suddenly feeling like my chest was being restricted. I swallowed past it before continuing. "I wouldn't be able to forgive myself," I whispered, dropping my gaze from hers and fixing them on my hands.

Alice encircled her arm around my back consolingly, pulling me to her in a one armed hug. "Is anyone going with you, Bells?" she asked me after a moment.

"No," I answered, shaking my head.

"Then I am," she said so resolutely that I immediately pulled back in surprise.

"What?" I exclaimed my voice almost failing me.

"I'm not going to let you go alone, Bella—I'm coming!"

Tears pushed to the surface before I could prevent them; I couldn't help it. "Oh ... Alice. . ." I whispered, so affected by her gesture that I was unable to rein in my emotions over it.

She smiled at me for a moment. "Mom's a travel agent, Bells. She can pre-book our flights and organise everything, so don't stress about it. Try and enjoy this last week of school and prom with my _nice_ brother, kay?" She raised her brow, her expression both tender and teasing with her last remark.

Chucking softly, I nodded, inhaling back my tears. "What would I do without you, evil little rat," I teased her back.

Laughing softly, she pulled me closer to her. "Now I know you've spent too much time around my brother."

"Oh, God. I leave you two alone for, what, a couple of hours and you go all deep and mushy on me." Came Rose's dry, sarcastic tone, snapping Alice and I from our embrace.

I hastily fumbled to wipe my tear streaked face, while Alice sat unperturbed and enquired about Rose's make-up purchases.

Rose didn't question us further on what she'd walked in on, which gave me the sudden suspicion that they'd planned it all along.

I smiled at Rose warmly; she responded with an affectionate grin before returning to the topic of _eyeliner_ with Alice.

Alice kept me optimistic throughout lunch, and it was incredibly reassuring to know she was going to accompany me back to Australia. It lessened the panic I felt over it, and the fear of facing my demons again. . .

**. . .**

"_JESUS_, it's hot in here all of a sudden. Does anyone else feel it? Oh hey, Bella!" was Emmett's sly greeting the moment I stepped through the Cullens' front door.

"Hi, Emmett," I replied, my smile turning self-conscious.

"Emmett, I swear to God!" Rose began in an almost earnest display of hostility as she pulled him out of the room.

"Does that mean no root tonight, baby?" I heard him exclaim with exaggerated alarm, while Rose groaned loudly.

Oh God. . .

"Emmett's funny," I mumbled to Alice, trying to shrug off my discomfort over the fact that he was constantly using my language as a source of his jokes.

She snorted and rolled her eyes. "Believe me his charm wore off years ago."

I only smiled in reply, before hauling my overnight bag over my shoulder and following Alice up the stairs.

We ran into Edward on the landing. He had his hands shoved in his pockets, with a warm but almost awkward smile on his lips.

"Hey, Bella," he said, his otherwise deep, smooth voice hitching, before he cleared his throat softly.

"Hi, Edward." I smiled back at him, feigning ignorance to his discomfort, while my stomach squirmed slightly. I was becoming obvious that he was increasingly more and more uncomfortable around me.

He turned to Alice then. "Do you know anything about this video Mom and Carlisle are making us watch later?"

Alice shook her head, a crease forming in between her eyebrows. "Nope, haven't heard a thing."

"Apparently it's one of the conditions for Emmett getting his prom party," Edward added, rubbing the back of his neck and half shrugging.

Alice shrugged as well. "You know what they're like. It's probably some anti-drug, alcohol safety flick they make us watch at school. Where _is_ Mom, by the way?"

"Um . . . I'm not sure," Edward replied, glancing over at me for a moment and smiling quickly—though he continued to appear awkward. "What are you guys doing now?"

"Right now, I want to talk to Mom—is Jazzy here yet?" Alice asked, before realising her mistake just as Edward's mouth twisted into a smirk.

"_Jazzy_? No not yet, but I'll be sure to let you know when he gets here, _Alley Cat_," he teased her.

Huffing with exasperation Alice shoved past him, before turning to me. "See what I have to put up with, Bella?"

I only fought the urge to grin.

"_HOLY SHIT IT'S HOT! SOMEONE TURN ON THE FREAKING AIR CONDITIONING_!" Emmett's bellowing voice boomed through the house, causing Edward to groan, only partially, under his breath.

"Wow, Karma works fast," Alice said turning back to Edward and flashing him a smug grin.

I threw him the best sympathetic, I-didn't hear-anything smile I could manage, being warmed by his returning smile, before walking into Alice's bedroom behind her.

"You guys really do torture Edward. You know that," I said to Alice, after dropping my bag at the foot of her bed.

She threw me a teasing, but sardonic grin. "Sometime soon, after the goo-goo-eyes phase you and Edward are presently in, I'll tell you about all the shit he gave Jazz and me when we first got together. Really, he was relentless."

My smile turned inward; I knew pretty well how relentless Edward was capable of being, but I preferred it to the fumbling, stammering person he was at the moment. I suspected a lot of it was him feeding off me, but just seemed typical that now that I was surrendering to—whatever it was that he held over me—he was the one appearing uncertain about it. The fact that I brought that out in him did not help stave off the panic I still felt about allowing myself to get so close to him.

I sighed deeply and in sync with Alice's exaggerated huff. "I swear you are exactly like my goofy brother. Just as spacey."

I opened my mouth to protest, but Alice pulled me back out of the room before I could utter a single syllable, and we went in search of her mother.

We found her in the back garden.

While I stood silent and self-conscious beside her, with my heart hammered away in fearful anticipation, Alice explained the situation of going to Australia with me, with a seriousness that I'd rarely seen in her.

Mrs Cullen only stood looking at the ground as she listened to Alice, her fingers rubbing her chin in stoic contemplation.

"That's wonderful that you want to do this for Bella, Alice, but have you properly thought about it? For instance, where would you stay?" she spoke after a moment's pause.

"With Nummi," Alice replied simply, as if it went without saying.

I stared at her in surprise. I knew she had been chatting to Nummi and Rach on Facebook, but. . .

"S-she already offered, Bells," she explained quickly to me, a hint of guilt flashing in her eyes. "If you went back—for whatever reason—she extended me an invite."

I had the distinct impression that there was more to it than what Alice was disclosing. I only stood up a little straighter and folded my arms, feeling indignant without entirely knowing the reason why.

"And does _Nummi's mother _know of this arrangement?" Esme asked Alice, raising a dubious eyebrow.

Alice scoffed. "Of course she does."

"Well, I would like to speak to _Nummi's _mother before I agree to anything," Esme said pursing her lips together and eyeing Alice almost sceptically.

"So . . . if Nummi's mum is fine with it, are you fine with me going?" Alice asked, her eyes widening with hope, before she glanced at me and threw me an encouraging smile.

I hadn't realised it but I felt like I was suspended, barely able to take a breath until Mrs Cullen sighed and nodded her head. It was then that I all but burst into bitter tears of relief.

"After I speak to Nummi's mother, I'll make the flight arrangements," she replied with a sigh that clearly indicated that she wasn't happy about it.

Slinging her arm over my shoulder, Alice walked me back towards the house. "See, I told you everything would sort itself out. Now all you have to do is relax."

"Yeah. . ." I mumbled, as the stirrings of anxiety began to swell within me.

I was really going back.

"Promise me you'll try and have fun at the prom with Edward okay? The guy is a wreck," she stated. She was serious.

"I will, I promise. Now tell me what you and Nummi have been devising behind my back." I stopped walking and turned to face her squarely.

Her expression flickered with immediate guilt. I sighed.

"I guess she knows you, Bells, because she knew you would go back to see Kel, and she invited me to come with you," she confessed, her expression sincere.

"That's it?" I asked, arching an eyebrow sceptically and folding my arms subconsciously across my chest.

"That's it," she promised.

I released my breath. "Okay."

When we walked back into the house, heading back upstairs, Edward was nowhere to be seen. No lurking; he just wasn't there. I decided not to let it plague my thoughts when there was probably nothing significant behind it. Edward was acting edgy, but then edgy wasn't even scraping the surface of what I'd been over the last few months. It's not like I could blame him.

I tried not to focus on it—or the fact that Edward, and all his charm and unpredictability still scared the crap out of me, but Alice remained acutely aware of it. In fact, we had not been in her room for an hour when she leaped to her feet, huffing out her breath impatiently. "That's it!" she snapped, leaving her room with a slam of the door.

She returned a moment later, dragging Edward with her.

"Jesus, Alice!" I heard him protest, seconds before they entered the room.

"This pining away the two of you are doing is driving me nuts!" Alice exclaimed, heading for the door again and grabbing the handle before looking back over at us. "I'm going to wait for Jazz, so get it out of your systems—or whatever!"

I was mortified, and when Edward met my gaze he seemed in empathy.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he said with a sigh, glancing down and rubbing the nape of his neck. "My sister's a pain in the ass."

I broke into a warm, albeit resigned, smile and opened my mouth to reply, when the door opened again. I looked over expecting to see Alice, but it was Mrs Cullen.

"Come on, guys. Carlisle's home and he has something for you to watch." There was a secretive smile on her lips before she quickly withdrew.

I threw Edward a curious look; he shrugged once, his smile merging with his confusion, before we walked back into the hall.

"Great. A freakin' public service announcement all because bludge is an AA dropout," Emmett said begrudgingly, shoving Edward lightly as we headed toward the stairs.

I heard Edward sigh shortly to himself, and when I glanced over at him he was running his hand rigidly forward through his hair. Falling in step with him, I reached out to squeeze his hand. He immediately grabbed it and entwined his fingers with mine, pulling me closer to him; closer to the cloak of warmth that constantly seemed to emanate from him.

He kept his hand clamped around mine until we reached the living room, where he let go of it to sit beside me on the sofa. Actually, he was more squashed up against me than sitting with me, considering Alice and Jazz were already seated on the other half of the sofa with us.

Esme and Carlisle were waiting, the Television remote in Esme's hands and a DVD in Carlisle's.

"Okay, we're all here, so let's just get it out of the way," Emmett grumbled.

Esme smirked. "Emmett you can have your after prom party—parent free—," she began, only pausing for Emmett's boisterous_ "woohoo"_, before continuing, "but Carlisle and I would like all six of you to watch this video, and at least _think_ about the ramifications in life."

"Fair enough," Emmett uttered dryly, whipping his head around to scowl at Edward, who huffed in frustration.

"This has nothing to do with Edward, so leave him alone, Emmett," Esme said her tone turning reproachful.

Carlisle placed the DVD in the player and immediately the sound of low guttural sounding moaning filled the room, while Esme fumbled to work out the channel the television needed to be on.

Turning to Edward, I raised my brow questioningly. He only shook his head, half shrugging, his forehead puckering with the same degree of confusion.

"_Dr Who. . ._" Emmett drawled out, sounding almost impressed, despite his expression reflecting surprise. "Dude, if you wanted to bond with us, you didn't need to buy us porn."

Jazz immediately burst into practically stunned laughter before staring in astonishment at Alice, whose face was nothing short of aghast.

Clearing his throat sharply, Carlisle threw Emmett a disapproving look, before turning away, his face deepening as a frown etched his forehead—causing Emmett to chuckle.

"Mom!" Alice protested, horrified.

"Just hang on a minute!" Esme blurted with growing frustration, pressing button after button on the remote control without any success.

"Seriously?" I mouthed to Edward, almost as alarmed as Alice.

Edward only broke into a grin, shaking his head, though he didn't look completely confident as the moaning coming from the sound system increased and became more disturbing.

Esme and Carlisle continued to fiddle with the buttons on both the remote and television, and just when Esme truly looked like she was about to chuck a hissy, or rip her hair out, Emmett intercepted her, grabbing the remote.

"Give it to me, woman." He switched the television to the right channel to reveal a woman lying on a hospital bed, as a doctor—I presumed he was a doctor—had his hand up her—

Oh, god no!

"What sort of kinky shit is this?" Emmett burst out.

The woman was giving birth.

Beside me Edward groaned and ran his hands down his face, almost mirroring Jazz's gaping reaction, just as it seemed that Emmett clued on to the content of the movie and lunged to his feet.

"_OH, HELL NO_!"

"Emmett!" Esme raised her voice, the warning behind her tone clear, before pausing the video and motioning sternly for him to sit back down. "You're all going to watch this if I have to keep your eyes prized open with toothpicks—and that goes double for you two," she spoke pointedly at Jazz and Alice while the discomfort on Edward's face eased momentarily as an immediate smirk tugged at his lips.

"Mom!" Alice objected. "We know where babies come from!"

"You might, but I bet you've never considered the end result. So watch."

Esme un-paused the video and the woman on the screen continued to writhe in agony, while her freaked out looking husband held her hand, looking like he was going to faint.

For the next fifteen minutes of the movie, the woman went through periodical peaks of moaning and groaning like she was strapped to some kind of medieval torture device, before hyperventilating for a minute or so and then going back into cries of agony all over again.

It was genuinely disturbing_._

After that the doctor came back into the room, examined the woman again by way of inserting his hand—I quickly averted my gaze, an involuntary shudder rippling through me, as Edward looked down, rubbing his forehead with the palm of his hand, an almost inaudible groan escaping his lips.

"This is some fucked up, twisted shit!" Emmett burst in disbelief.

"Emmett for the love—watch your language, _please_!" Esme warned him, sounding increasingly more exasperated.

Edward grinned to himself while his eyes were safely turned away from the screen.

"Edward. . ." Esme's eyes motioned pointedly to the television.

Sighing, he reluctantly turned back.

The Doctor announced that the woman was in _"transition"_before putting her legs in stirrups, giving us a direct view of her—

"You've got to be kidding me! Who would agree to be filmed during this?" Alice burst out in disbelief.

"Keep watching," Esme encouraged with a small grin.

Beside me, Edward shifted uncomfortably, clearing his throat and bowing his head to squeeze the bridge of his nose. I grabbed his hand—it was practically involuntary.

It was then that the woman's . . . _birth canal _began to open with the emergence of a slimy looking black haired grapefruit. She grunted and moaned simultaneously, her face slowly going purple, while her eyes all but bulged out of her head.

"Man, how far does it s-stretch?" Jazz stammered, his voice hitching at the back of his throat.

With the woman's agonising efforts, the crown of the baby's head emerged, only to go back in, over and over, as a pinkish fluid oozed out of the sides every time the head bulged. Naturally, it caused collective outcries of revulsion to echo throughout the living room—along with more creative protests from Emmett.

It was graphic and gory, and feeling slightly queasy I swallowed thickly and almost instinctively leaned into Edward—who all but turned his head and buried his face into my neck in order to avoid watching.

"Oh, fuck this shit!" Emmett stated.

"Emmett!" Esme immediately countered, in warning.

From my partially obstructed view from under Edward's arm, the doctor suddenly produced a pair of . . . _scissors _and proceeded to cut. I hastily clamped my eyes shut just as the spine shuddering _snipping_ sound was almost drowned out by Emmett's continued protests.

"This is _freaking_ ridiculous! Just chop my cock off now!"

"_EMMETT!_" Esme repeated, her voice bordering all out exacerbation.

I opened my eyes, just as a small face popped out, causing a shocked sort of yelp to burst from the woman, making both Edward and I jump. Immediately turning away again, my gaze fell on Alice. She was being shielded by Jazz, her face buried in his chest, while Jazz was sporting a very sallow tinge to his expression.

I glanced at Rose next; she was watching the movie, but with an incredibly disturbed, horror-stricken expression twisted into her features.

Emmett had laid his head back against the sofa, with both his hands covering his face. When he removed them, he revealed the pasty pallor of his skin, before throwing a cushion directly at the television.

"This is bullshit, Mom! Turn this shit off!" he hollered, sounding for the first time genuinely annoyed.

"It's not over yet. Alice and Jazz, eyes on the screen!" Esme spoke sternly; though, as I glanced at her, her lips were twitching with concentrated amounts of amusement.

"Mom, Jazz isn't feeling well," Alice complained, and next to me Edward all but snorted.

"Jazz will live, this is life," Esme replied.

Esme caught my gaze then, an intentionally sly smile continuing to play at her lips. I hastily turned back to the screen, just in time to see the baby's body slip from the woman in one violent motion, earning a huge sigh of relief from her.

I think I convulsed, as Edward expelled every molecule of air from his lungs, while Jazz uttered a nauseated, grateful sounding moan.

Emmett had gone back to covering his face with his huge palms, chanting over, and over, "This is bullshit, this is bullshit, this is bullshit. . ."

Esme only huffed with aggravation, but had obviously given up trying to reprimand him.

"I am _never _going through natural childbirth!" Alice exclaimed with a resolute vow, while Jazz murmured something to her that made a grin break across her face.

"Me either," I murmured softly to Edward.

This seemed to amuse him, before he exhaled it quickly through his nose.

The baby was placed on the mother's chest where it started wailing. The woman cried along with it, while the father still looked like he was contemplating the idea of fainting.

"It looks like a skinned rabbit," Jazz admitted, his voice dropping, appalled.

Emmett got up from the sofa. "Well thanks, Mom. Thanks, _Dr Evil—_that's a freaking hour I'm never getting back!"

"Who says it's finished," Esme spoke, folding her arms across her chest and turning her eyes to the sofa; motioning for him to sit back down.

"Screw that, I'm done!" Emmett declared.

"Emmett—down!" Esme demanded, sounding so intimidating that he begrudgingly obeyed, muttering only partially under his breath.

The next part of the scene was the delivery of the placenta.

Jazz groaned loudly, repulsed. "What the hell was that—a liver?" he uttered, his voice failing at the end, before allowing Alice to pull him back against her.

"It looks like a rump steak," Emmett added, looking nauseated. "Okay, Mom, when's this shit over?" he demanded.

"Soon, keep watching," Esme replied, her grin growing broader.

The doctor held up the placenta. It was a deep purple, reddish colour and actually did look like a liver.

"Oh, Jesus, that's fucked up!" Emmett declared. "Why did we even have to watch this shit? Don't the fathers stay up the tit end?"

"_EMMETT!_" Esme shouted, past all pretences of patience.

"I'll say!" Jazz agreed, as Esme tilted her head at the screen sternly.

I turned back to the television, and openly shuddered. The woman was now being stitched up, and the camera had zoomed in for an extreme close up.

"Oh, bugger that!" I mumbled cringing, hearing Edward chuckle softly, before he reached over and donged my knee playfully.

I turned to him and caught his hand again, feeling the need for emotional support as well. His hand was clammy.

"So is this woman . . . like gonna need re-constructive surgery after that shit? Her cooch looks like the back end of cooked chicken," Emmett inquired, his face twisted, repelled, though his question seemed genuine.

"The perineum acts like an elastic," Carlisle explained, speaking for the first time. He'd watched the video with a serious, neutral expression on his face, seeming completely unperturbed by it.

"The peri—who?" Emmett asked, his tone blank, before he turned to Esme without waiting for Carlisle's reply. "What do you think the party is going to be anyway? A mass orgy?"

Esme smirked. "It pays to be cautious."

"Well, in that case, you should have just given _those two_," he pointed to Alice and Jazz as a devious smirk grew across his face, "a private viewing and spared the rest of us!"

Alice scoffed, while Jazz rubbed his forehead looking suddenly uncomfortable.

"Okay, okay," Esme sighed, before she turned back to the screen. "It's almost finished."

The last section was the woman breastfeeding the baby, which had turned from being shrivelled up and purple, from a moment ago, to a cute little pink thing.

"Aww look, Jazzy . . . sweet." Alice sighed, snuggling into Jazz, who all but rolled his eyes.

The minute the video was over, Emmett was on his feet. "My cock's going to be traumatised for weeks," he muttered, grabbing Rose's hand and tugging her after him.

"If you ever do that to me, I guarantee that I _will_ chop it off," she stated, without humour, and matter of fact.

"All I know is that I'm _so freaking glad_I have balls!" Emmett declared loudly.

Esme sighed.

"Ditto to that," Jazz mumbled in agreement, more or less to himself.

"I hope you guys will keep this in mind," Esme sighed again, no longer sounding confident.

"It was too graphic—_blegh_!" Alice added, with an over emphasised shudder. "Jazzy will you pay for me to have caesarean sections?"

Jazz grinned. "Surely will, Alley."

Edward got up from the sofa in a single motion, sighing as he did, before flashing me that askew grin while extending his hand to me. I took it and he helped me up.

"That was . . . screwed up," he murmured to me, pulling me closer to his side as we followed Jazz and Alice out of the room.

I glanced up at him, he looked frazzled and more over heated than he usually did.

"It was," I replied, laughing softly. "You okay?" I asked him after a moment, noticing the tense way the muscles in his jaw were clenching.

"Yeah . . . you?"

I half shrugged and nodded, simultaneously.

"_NOW BRING ON THE ROOTING_!" Emmett suddenly boomed.

From behind us, Esme sighed in resignation.

"How much of that do you think actually sunk in?" Carlisle asked her, a trace of amusement echoing in his tone.

"I have hopes for Edward and Bella," was Esme's reply.

"Are you serious?" Carlisle responded with a note of surprise. "They're the ones I'd worry about the most." His tone lowered in emphasis; though, Edward and I both clearly heard him.

I paused, feeling my forehead crease as I fought to grasp the meaning behind Carlisle's words, as Edward's grip on my hand tightened. I turned to look back up at him; he was already gazing down at me. That formidable smile was mingled with confusion, but it was still enough to wipe every thought from my mind as I stared straight into the oncoming storm . . . and smiled back.

* * *

**A/N: I had to watch a youtube video to write that birth video. WTF do people want to upload shit like that for? BLEGH, HEAVE, RETCH, PUKE...**


	27. Seven Days Til Prom

**A/N: Oh, Edward, so unsure of yourself...**

* * *

**Chapter 26**

**Seven Days 'til Prom**

**Edward's POV**

Since the baseball final I'd decided to take a step back with Bella. We were going to the prom together, but I really didn't know what the hell we were going_ as_. We were more than just friends, but I couldn't say Bella was my girlfriend, and considering what happened at the pool hall it didn't seem like it was going to change any time soon. I still wanted to kiss her—fuck me, that was the least of it—but I didn't want her to pull away from me again like she thought I'd fucking date rape her.

I guess the poolroom was a pretty seedy place to try and kiss her—especially with Jazz and Alice going for it like a couple of fucking porn stars a couple of feet away.

I don't know; playing pinball with her had made me horny, and I wasn't really thinking about anything else. Still, when she pulled away it was like she'd punched me in the fucking stomach. Actually _pulled_, doesn't seem like exactly the right word. It was more like she _flinched _away from me. But then she had to go and feel remorseful—staring up at me and telling me she _wanted _to kiss me, while her eyes flooded with so much guilt that I had a nagging fucking feeling that she felt like she _had _to kiss me.

And there was no way I was going to force her to do anything with me.

I should have expected her to react that way, though; I should have anticipated it. It was only a few days ago that she'd been completely ignoring me, and even now it was all on her terms. She'd agreed to go to the prom with me, she was even flirting with me in Bio and after the game on Friday, but I knew she still didn't trust me. That's why I decided to start over and let her lead; instead of trying to work her out all the time, and ending up fucking questioning everything again.

Only over the weekend Bella seemed really comfortable around me—really fucking flirty, actually—but at the same time, she seemed distracted, and her eyes were deep and reflecting that endless fucking sadness that immediately made me feel edgy.

I always felt like I was on tenterhooks around her—fucking always.

On Saturday night, she stayed up to chat with me. I ironically had my horny brother and sister to thank for that. While they were doing god knows what with Rose and Jazz, Bella came in search for me.

I was hanging in the living room with my eyes glued to the television while my mind was focused on everything but. Bella was almost in front of me before I realized she was even in the room, and the sight of her standing before me staring with that secretly amused expression on her face, caused me to practically jump out of my skin.

"Hey," she said simply, with a warm smile, her brow slightly quirked. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I finally admitted, thudding my hand down on the sofa beside me for her to join me.

She sat beside me, and without thinking about it I wrapped my arm around her back and pulled her closer to my side.

She only stiffened a fraction, before a smile ghosted over her face and she appeared to relax.

"What do you think Carlisle meant about us?" she asked after a moment.

"Erm..." I reached out and rubbed the back of my head, contemplating it.

I suspected Carlisle—without mentioning the entire house, and let's face it, half of Forks—knew how freaking crazy I was about her, and that was behind his reasoning. Though, a part of me had a mortifying suspicion that my dreams were attracting more than just Emmett's attention.

I wasn't about to tell Bella any of that; my dignity was already in shredded ruins, but as she gazed at me waiting for my response my eyes zeroed in on her lips and my brain turned to Jell-O. I began to stutter and clam up while my skin began to burn, ignited by the fact that she'd placed her hand on my knee.

"Y-you think those rumors about us got back to him?" she asked, seeming to ignore my lame ass horniness.

I hadn't even considered that.

"Possibly," I answered, grabbing her hand and changing the subject—if only so I could get control of myself. "Tell me another one of those Kiwi jokes?" I asked her, fighting the urge to grin as a frown immediately creased her forehead.

"No," she stated, flatly.

"Why not?" I asked, attempting to put together some charm and throwing her a hang dog look.

Her brow quirked cynically this time. "Really, Edward?"

Seeing directly through me, as usual...

I sighed internally and changed direction. "They make me laugh."

Releasing her breath, she shook her head slightly to herself, before leaning her elbow on my shoulder to curl herself closer to me. "How can they make you laugh if you don't understand them?"

I only shrugged, flashing her a conceding grin, while her face suddenly deepened and she broke my gaze.

It was a rare moment when I made her blush, and just now was one of them. It wasn't as if I had any idea why, though. Her behavior didn't exactly follow any patterns that I was able to decode.

Taking a resigned breath, Bella turned back to me. "Ok ... what's _error buck?_"

"Error buck..." I repeated in thought, hoping it was some weird ass New Zealand way of Bella telling me she was going to sneak into my bed that night. I shrugged, coming up blank.

"The language they speak in _Libernon,_" she answered before she laughed; though, I think it was more at my expression.

I laughed with her, despite the fact that I still didn't get it, before tightening my arm around her.

She seemed receptive to it this time, relaxing more against me, before something caught her attention, and she turned to look toward the stairs. It was at this moment that I suddenly found myself mesmerized to the soft part of her neck beneath her ear, and on impulse, I pressed my lips to her skin, inhaling the scent of her deep into my lungs and almost coming fucking undone.

I felt her tense again, before she turned back to me; her eyes locking with mine.

"Edward," she said softly, blinking slowly, and fuck me if I knew whether it was in some kind of encouragement, or whether she spoke my name as a question.

I only paused, staring at her, all the nerve that I'd worked up to kiss her slipping away the longer I contemplated it, while the crick between her eyes deepened until her expression was all out confusion.

"Edward ... what's the matter?" she finally asked me.

Before I could talk myself out of it, I cupped my hand around her cheek and pulled her to my lips. I immediately felt her resist, before she pulled back, severing from me completely.

"Jazz," she explained in a whisper, just as the asshole walked into the room.

Fuck!

He hadn't even fucking attempted to tuck his shirt back in, or hide the fact that his fly was undone, as he sat fucking languidly on the sofa facing Bella and I, grinning like the asshole he was; while wearing freaking Alice's lipstick.

The pissant had to know that it would piss me off, but Bella, beside me, seemed to find amusement in it; quickly concealing it behind her palm.

"Hey, dude. What's happening?" he asked—his fucking eyes glazed over as if he was drunk.

I was on the verge of asking Bella to exit the room immediately with me, when Alice entered. I expected she had allowed what she thought was an inconspicuous amount of time to hold off suspicions of their activity. Maybe it would have worked, if her fucking shirt buttons were done up in proper alignment.

I released my breath stiffly, fast becoming impatient with their bullshit sexual fucking activities that they were constantly throwing in my face.

"Alice, I think you've had a wardrobe malfunction," Bella said lightly.

Laughing, the little rat half shrugged, before sitting herself square on Jazz's lap. "So what are we doing, guys?" she asked enthusiastically. "Want to watch a movie?"

I knew it would be beyond torture to sit in their presence while they were fucking post climactic, but my alternative was to take Bella to my room—something I knew would test my self- control beyond what I was capable of. Though, even if I did manage to get her there, no doubt the wall banging and window vibrating generated from Emmett's side would all but stifle our conversation.

I only released my breath, feeling weary all of a sudden. Having to constantly fight off what I was physically feeling, while knowing I was unable to do anything about it was fucking exhausting.

As it was, Bella crashed not long into the movie—not that having her completely unconscious against me relieved any of my discomfort—and around 2:00am Mom ushered us to bed.

**...**

The next morning I had to remove myself from the kitchen as soon as I spotted Bella sitting at the breakfast table. Not to mention how fucking horny I'd woken up, with the smell of Bella all over me, but I knew there was no way I could be in the same room with her looking so freaking adorable in her pajamas with her hair a mess. My only alternative was to retreat back to my room, while contemplating the idea of relieving my tension in the shower. I ended up having several.

Bella went back home around midday. She knocked on my bedroom door to say goodbye, throwing in that freaking smile for added measure before reaching quickly up on her toes to kiss my cheek.

"Bye," I mumbled, echoing her as she headed for the stairs. I was almost swaying, feeling fucking dazed, and rapidly becoming daunted by the amount of sexual frustration I was fighting.

Turning, she only flashed me a broader version of that smile from over her shoulder, before she was gone. There was no suspicion in it anymore, I noted, not that I was confident enough to know what the hell she was feeling toward me.

The only thing I was able to do about it was jerk off, and I did plenty of it.

**...**

The next week of school leading to prom, was finals. Bio was first up on Monday. Bella sat with me at lunch, her head inclined towards mine as we went over her notes, while everything but the sound of her voice bounced off my brain. I just sat, fucking drunk by her proximity, my eyes glued to her lips as she spoke. Every so often when her eyes rose to meet mine, she'd smile, and I was convinced she was fucking with me again. She seemed to take secret amusement in how pathetic I was, before she went back to reading her notes aloud.

And apparently it wasn't only obvious to Bella.

Across the table from us, I heard Jazz snort to himself, and when I looked up and caught the asshole's gaze, he was staring at me with a mixture of curiosity and repulsion seeping into his expression.

"Dude, you are such a _poof!_"

"What?" I asked him blankly, feeling a wave of irritation rise in me. I'd heard Bella describe weasel with that word before, but I'd forgotten to ask Alice to translate, and it pissed me off that Jazz not only knew what it meant, but he was fucking mocking me with it.

Bella immediately threw her plastic cafeteria fork at him. "Stop mocking me, Jazz!" she exclaimed. She sounded good-natured about it, but for a brief moment I suspected she was serious.

"Cut the crap, Jazz," I warned him.

"Jesus, okay, you're _gay_ then!" His lips twitched.

Bella only sighed, heavily and full of frustration, and I was about to knock the pissant on his ass, when Alice arrived, effectively distracting him for the rest of lunch.

The Bio exam wasn't the lost cause I presumed it would be. Though it was probably due to the fact that Bella squeezed my knee under the table before turning to me and wishing me good luck that had me coast through it on an adrenalin high. In all honesty, the first ten minutes of the exam were written off as I contemplated the idea of squeezing her leg back in response.

By the time it was over, I was confident I'd scored in the eighties.

At the end of the day Bella hung out with me, chatting while prick Jazz sang out smart ass heat related comments. Something about how I was hotter than a whore on dollar night. That one was my favorite to date, and only because it made Bella laugh. She turned to me and smiled, completely jarring my glare to Jazz, while the heat abruptly retreated from my ears to my dick.

"Later, gator," she teased me before she headed to her car.

Monday was the day I learned the meaning of "_poof"_.

The next day Bella came to school looking unwell. Her voice was nasally, her eyes a little too bright, while her face was pale and blotchy. It made her all the more adorable, but since Jacob and Nessie were still on hiatus from the outside world, I began worrying. In fact, I grew increasingly fucking anxious as the day went by. She kept up an obvious front that all was well, but by the end of the day she began looking really sick.

I held her hand on the way to Bio—it was clammier than mine was—while the heat between us was, for the first time, coming from her. In class, she kept her coat on, while trying to hide the fact that she was trembling. By that point, though, it was obvious how sick she was. She was sneezing and coughing constantly, until everything she did, from walking to blinking seemed labored.

"Bella, you're sick," I said to her gently, after she sneezed a couple of times in succession. It wasn't the first time I'd spoken it during the day. I'd already asked her more times than I could remember if she was feeling okay, but this time I was serious.

She turned to me, all bleary eyed. "I'm okay, it's just a cold," she insisted stubbornly, while her voice clogged and broke, and sighing, she bent her forehead to her hand.

"Do you want me to drive you home?" I offered.

"On your tricycle, Edward?" she teased me, while her head remained resting in her hand, before looking up and throwing me a teasing grin.

I only smiled back at her wryly.

She sneezed again and then shuddered; something she tried unsuccessfully to hide. I was on the verge of pulling her against me when Mr. Banner walked into the room.

I watched her intently for several minutes; she was beginning to look terrible.

"When I get home I'll have a bath and take some Phenergan. I'll be right," she added, becoming obviously frustrated by my constant attention.

I only smiled at her—too freaking gently.

She glanced up at me while shrinking further into her coat, her forehead bunching, and looking almost annoyed for a moment. "What's so funny now, Edward? Did I say _bath_ wrong?"

I fought back the laugh; if she didn't look so pathetically sick, I would have. "No, you didn't say anything wrong."

Sighing deeply, she lowered her eyes, and my pulse quickened. She looked as though she was going to faint, and she was going steadily paler by the second.

"Bella, you don't look well. You really should go home."

"Edward..." she complained, but she was unable to manage enough energy to make her conviction stick.

I raised my hand. "Excuse me, Mr. Banner."

Bella threw me a hard glare, and this time I fought the urge to all out laugh.

"Mr. Cullen?" Mr. Banner asked.

"Bella is sick. Do you mind if I take her to the nurse?"

The teacher's scrutinizing gaze immediately fell on Bella—whose cheeks were at that moment an open flame—his expression edging with concern. She lifted her head higher, but the obvious effort it took to keep up her facade was wavering before my eyes.

"Miss Swan, are you feeling unwell?"

She cleared her throat to speak and that seemed enough to convince Mr. Banner, who immediately turned to me. "Help her to the nurse, Edward, please."

Bella rose out of her stool defiantly, a huff escaping her lips. "Come on then, you," she muttered to me begrudgingly, her voice already sounding clogged.

Bending down, I retrieved her bag quickly, before following her out of the room.

"Edward!" she exclaimed hotly once we were out of earshot from the class. "I said I was okay!" But the broken, husky state of her voice immediately contradicted her.

I only smiled at her warmly.

She sighed, running her palm across her forehead. "Mrs. Cope will call Billy, and I don't want to bother him at wor—" she broke off to suddenly sneeze.

Without thinking about it, I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and drew her against me. "Bella, you're sick—as much as you're trying to convince me you're not. I just want to make sure you get home safely."

"I'm okay to drive," she mumbled.

"Okay, what if we bypass the office and you drive home, but I accompany you?" I suggested.

She paused and looked up at me, her expression uncertain. "I don't want you to get into trouble, Edward."

I sighed with deliberate exaggeration. "What do you think will happen to me? I'll explain to Mr. Banner—I can be very convincing when I want to be."

"I'm well aware of that," she said quietly, scoffing softly to herself.

**...**

I knew where Chief Swan lived—everyone who resided in Forks, and just on the fringes knew—but with Bella it was the first time I'd ever had a reason to go there. It was strange entering the house where she lived; despite the fact that it was her asshole cousin's home as well.

Bella unlocked the front door and as she stepped inside, I followed closely behind and was immediately confronted by Jacob's accusing glare. He was sitting on a sofa in the living room looking pasty and pathetic, with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders.

"Jacob," I said, almost warm in my greeting.

"Princess," was his reply, still managing a fair amount of sarcasm despite the hoarseness of his voice.

Bella only huffed out her breath, placing her palm to her brow.

"Bells, you okay?" Jacob asked, focusing for the first time on her.

"No I'm not! You open your mouth and I end up getting bloody sick!" she grumbled, before taking a breath and exhaling wearily. "I'm going to bed."

"Sorry, Bells," he replied, throwing her an apologetic grin.

She rolled her eyes and managed an affectionate sort of smile—if she didn't look like she was about to drop. Reaching out, I enfolded my arms around her waist, pulling her clumsily against me before helping her up the stairs. She was warm in my arms—too fucking warm.

"You're so _needy, _Edward," she teased me, but she sounded jaded.

I only chuckled and helped her up to the landing, feeling Jacob's eyes boring into me the entire fucking time.

Bella's room … what can I say? It was exactly like her. Clean, and tidy, and maybe slightly dysfunctional by how organized it appeared. There was a double bed in the middle of the room covered in a blue checked quilt, which Bella immediately dropped onto, laying immediately back on the pillows and covering her eyes with her arm.

She moaned softly, then louder with what sounded like frustration. "I'm never sick!"

"Why am I not surprised by that?" I replied, smiling to myself.

Moving her arm, she peeked at me, returning my smile warmly. "How are you going to get back to school?" she asked after a moment.

I shrugged. "I'll text Alice and get her to stop by and pick me up. I left my tricycle at school, remember?"

She went to laugh, but ended up going into a coughing fit, sounding like she was about to choke to death.

"Bella, are you sure you're okay? Do you want a glass of water?" I asked her gently; she was paler than I'd ever seen her and she began shuddering again.

"No, I'm okay. Thanks, Edward," she replied, her voice barely a whisper, before closing her eyes drowsily and turning to hug her pillow to herself.

She seemed to doze off for a moment, and taking the advantage to properly take it in, I glanced around her room. It was a surreal kind of reality being in Bella's bedroom—the one girl who had turned my life upside down since the moment she'd entered it—and for the first time, I was beginning to feel like we could be something. Something real. It wasn't something I ever thought I wanted until I met her, and was probably the reason why I fucked it up so much in the beginning, but now I just wanted to sigh in relief. How the hell I'd got here was any one's guess, but I had.

I caught sight of a photograph that was on the other side of her bed on the nightstand, propped up against the base of her lamp. It was a picture of Alice and me during our trip to the Grand Canyon over the Presidents' Day weekend. The same photo Alice had kept in her room ever since; she must have given it to Bella.

I felt the smile before I became fully aware of it, and a moment later—as I spied the pink pen that sat beside it—it turned to full blown fucking goofy.

She'd forgiven me.

Sitting beside her, I reached out and gently pushed her hair from her face. Her eyes slowly opened, they were the same dark brown, but shining too brightly, and hinting with an affection that reflected in her expression.

What was she feeling?

"I hope you're not going to watch me sleep, Edward? That's just creepy." She attempted to sound teasing but her voice was already going raspy, causing a flood of emotion to suddenly ache in me. It made me feel almost on edge, but at the same time I couldn't stop fucking smiling.

I loved her. This pathetically sick, drop dead gorgeous girl from Australia was the love of my life, and I suddenly wanted to tell her. In fact, I wanted to start shouting it out like a freaking dickhead—like Jazz!

"You have a very high opinion of me, Bella. I love that about you," I teased her. My voice was too soft, too tender, betraying me as always, but to hell with it. This start over shit was old already. I was struggling; I always would when it came to her.

Her forehead puckered and she squinted as though she'd been asleep for hours. "I don't want you to catch this... Maybe you should go down stairs and talk to Jake?"

I exhaled into a warm smile—always too fucking compromised by her. "Okay, I'll let you sleep."

She only hummed softly in reply, her eyes already closed as a faint smile curved on her lips.

On impulse, I bent down and pressed my lips to her temple. She was hot—it was so foreign when it came to her. Usually it was always like sliding up to an ice cube.

Sighing, I made a move to get off her bed, when her hand reached out and grabbed mine.

"Thanks, Edward," she murmured, smiling at me warmly. "You really are a sweetheart."

"Just get well, Bella," was my husky-toned reply.

I was well past the point of no return.

...

I spent the most uncomfortable, awkward hour of my life downstairs with Jacob while I waited for Alice.

The small talk was strained—at best. It was mostly semi-polite questions answered by one-word answers. Then Jacob got a phone call, disappeared into the kitchen, and preceded with the most sickening display of baby talk imaginable.

"Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me," I muttered barely under my breath, after the third _"I wuv you Nessie-wessie" in_ a row.

It suddenly became very clear to me why Bella referred to their affections as "_slop"_.

The minutes ticked by agonizingly slow while I attempted not to fucking hurl; it wasn't easy.

When Jacob returned to the living room he had the decency to acknowledge that I'd heard, and at least look somewhat embarrassed by it. Handing me a can of cola, while going a shade redder, he mumbled, "Ness."

I nodded; though, my grin might have been more mocking than what I'd intended.

He immediately scowled at me, looking like he wanted to respond, but whatever he was about to say was interrupted by the doorbell. "More Cullens," he muttered before heading to the door.

"Hey, Jake!" was Alice's bright greeting, followed by one of Jazz's _"dudes"._

"Hey," Jacob replied, bluntly, before walking back into the Living Room with Alice and Jazz in tow.

"Well, well, this is an interesting turn of events." Jazz smirked, sitting himself on the sofa next to me as Alice disappeared up the stairs. "You didn't kill each other, then?"

"Obviously not," Jacob croaked out sarcastically.

This was followed by a few minutes of awkward silence, broken only by Jazz's wise ass whistling. "You feeling better then, Jake?" he asked, after even that couldn't ease the tension.

Jacob shrugged. "Yeah, getting there."

Jazz cleared his throat loudly, before muttering, more or less under his breath, "Awkward..."

Alice emerged from Bella's bedroom not a minute too soon, and both Jazz and I practically leaped to our feet.

"Well, take it easy, Jake," Jazz said, offering his hand, only to wipe it on his shirt the minute he turned toward the door.

I sighed, and followed him, before turning back to Jake. He was already gazing at me; his expression was hard, but more like a pissed off bloodhound.

"See-ya, Cullen," he said after a moment of gauging me—not in the slightest bit threatening.

"Bye, Jake," I replied, only half trying to disguise the fact that I was fighting the urge to laugh at him. Bella's cousin or not, he was a dick.

Of course, the little rat being who she was went one step further and hugged him, before Jazz dragged her out of the house.

I was the last to walk out, and just as Jacob was about to close the door behind us, the sound of Bella's coughing travelled into the room. My eyes instinctively flew to the door at the top of the stairs, just as Jake's did, before he turned slowly back to me.

"She'll be all right in a few days; call her then," he grumbled to me begrudgingly before slamming the door on me.

**...**

I wanted to call her that night and see how she was feeling, but I knew it was probably better I didn't disturb her. The fact that she was sick had put me on edge; though, Alice, didn't seem too concerned.

"She'll be fine, Edward. She has the flu, _not_ _man-flu_," the little rat stated, rolling her eyes, after she caught me sitting on my bed, after dinner staring at my phone.

"I … yeah—I know," I stammered, before huffing impatiently, I reached out with my foot, kicking the door shut.

"Well screw you too, brother dearest!" was her protest through the door.

**...**

The following day was my English and Spanish final. They were moderately easy enough, and it was the only two hours of the day that Bella was pushed from the forefront of my mind. I was finding I was thinking—and worrying—about her more now that she was finally coming around to me again, than I did for the months that she wouldn't even look at me.

The rest of the day was pretty much written off. I was distracted, not to mention the fact that my body heat remained static all freaking day, and it was pretty fucking ironic that I was all of a sudden bothered by it.

Of course, my idiot brother didn't miss this fact either.

"Holy fuck it's cold in here today! Where the hell is Rosie? I need her to warm me up!" he rose his voice just short of the entire fucking cafeteria hearing, as he passed our table during lunch.

Naturally, Jazz found it fucking hilarious, adding, "No favorite jacket today either, douche bag?"

I threw him a sarcastic grin and continued eating, wondering how the hell I became his fucking subject of ridicule. I had always been Emmett's, after all.

By the time we arrived home that afternoon, the temperature in the house was so fucking hot it hit us like a heat wave as soon as we walked through the door.

"Emmett—what the hell!? Turn the heat down," Alice yelled in exasperation.

The prick stuck his head up from the other side of the sofa and smirked, despite obviously attempting to maintain a straight face. "What do you mean? I'm cold."

"Very funny, asshole," I retorted, making immediately for the stairs.

"Oh, by the way, Dudders?" he called after me.

I turned slowly to face him. "What?" I asked dryly.

"Tell Bella I'm rooting for her, yeah?"

I rolled my eyes, and despite myself I scoffed beneath my breath, shaking my head, "Sure."

Bella's phone rang out to her voice mail both times that I rang. On the second I left a quick message and was almost tempted to ring her a third time just to listen to her voice mail. Instead, I decided to call her house, and after the third ring, the stern, deep sounding voice of Chief Swan answered with a short, gruff, _"Hello."_

"Uh … hi—it's Edward Cullen. I'm just calling to see how Bella is," I replied, stammering and feeling like I was five.

He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, Edward. Bella's asleep, and I really don't want to disturb her at the moment."

"That's okay … I was just wondering how she was doing."

"Hmm ... well, she's not very well at this point, but I will let her know you called," he added, his tone blatantly edged with disapproval—not that I could blame him at all.

After uttering a stiff sounding, "Goodbye," I hung up, reefing my hands back through my hair. It was one fucked up awkward conversation that left me feeling tense and uneasy.

A moment later my door swung open. "Hey, you ready to go?" Alice asked.

"Go…?" I repeated, looking up at her, my forehead creasing blankly.

The little rat only rolled her eyes.

"To Port Angeles ... to get Em's graduation present..." she stated, speaking in fucking monotone for emphasis.

"Okay, so I forgot already. Jeez!" I snapped, feeling a sudden surge of irritation, and shoving my phone in my pocket.

She quirked an eyebrow at me and gauged me steadily for a moment, before adding flatly, "I'll meet you in my car."

"I don't think Bella's going to be able to make Prom," I mumbled to Alice after several minutes of driving in silence.

Alice merely scoffed. "Is that why you're so mopey? Edward, Bella is less likely to miss prom, than Em would miss his party."

Her tone was blasé, and as I stared at her, I wondered what the little rat knew that I didn't.

She continued to drive, her eyes glued to the road as I watched her, when she deliberately rolled them. "Edward, have you learnt nothing about Bella this whole time?"

"What-what do you mean?" I asked her, suspecting that I hadn't learnt a thing about Bella other than how she made me feel.

She sighed. "Let's just put aside the fact that she's almost as neurotic as you are. She's also as stubborn as an ox. She'll be at prom."

_That_ I was aware of, and it made me feel suddenly more at ease.

"Well, that's true," I replied quietly, smiling to myself.

Stubborn she was.

At Alice's suggestion, we had pre-ordered Emmett a framed, signed Jersey of Matt Hasselback a few months back, and up until a few days ago we didn't think it would be ready in time. It had taken all of Alice's power of persuasion to abuse them into compliance, with her usual cower inducing tone, whilst keeping Emmett in the dark about it. Emmett usually didn't miss a thing, and I still wasn't entirely sure he hadn't been playing dumb.

Now in the store, and no doubt due to Alice's hostile-to-the-point-of-threatening phone calls, the sales girl was blunt and denied all knowledge of the promised discount. The little rat immediately went into outrage mode, and I was forced to distance myself, pretending I didn't know her.

"Where's the _bloody_ manager!" Alice's high-pitched voice rang out, just as I hauled ass to the furthest corner of the store, coming face to face with a display pens—several of them pink.

These pink pens were going to haunt me forever, and thinking it over for three seconds, I grabbed one and headed back to the counter.

Freaking Alice was intimidating a middle aged man to the point that he was breaking into a sweat, mopping his brow with a handkerchief.

The poor bastard; I'd been in his shoes enough times...

"We'll take this too," I said, interjecting the evil little ferret's tirade, and forcing her pointed finger back, before placing the pen on the counter.

The sales manager immediately turned to me, his eyes flooding with relief. "It's on the house, and please accept our extended apologies."

From beside me, Alice only harrumphed.

I paid for the jersey, giving the man an empathic smile in the process before dragging Alice—who looked like she was about to start shit with the sales girl—out of the store.

"Jesus, Alice!" I exclaimed once we were safely outside.

"What? I got us twenty-five percent off. Not bad, huh?" she said folding her arms across her chest smugly.

I rolled my eyes. "The entire town stopped by to watch you act like a fucking sociopath."

She only smirked to herself, adding a moment later, "Bella's gonna love that pen, by the way."

I only took a breath, mumbling out my reply, and turning my head further from her scrutinizing fucking gaze.

"Come on, let's get a coffee, Romeo," she suggested, snorting to herself.

While we sat in the cafe waiting for our drinks to be served, my phone rang, and my heart paused. It was the song I'd recently added for Bella's number.

"Hey, Bella," I said gently, while a mocking grin twitched at Alice's lips.

"Hey," was her broken, hoarse reply.

She sounded so pitifully adorable that I felt the goofy grin immediately penetrate my face. "You don't sound very well."

"I'm fine," she insisted weakly, before she broke off and started coughing.

I wanted to laugh.

"Bella, go back to bed. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"I _am_ in bed. I'm so _hot._ I've discovered I have to be crook not to be cold in Forks."

"You're adorable."

Alice deliberately rolled her eyes; I threw a packaged sugar at her.

"Sick, I mean—shut up_,_" Bella replied quickly, her voice catching in her throat before she cleared it roughly.

I laughed too gently, exposing my freaking soul to the little rat. "Bella, you sound terrible. Go back to sleep. Okay…?"

"I'm going, but I probably won't come back to school. So, I'll see you Saturday…?"

"If you're not well enough—" I began, but she interrupted me.

"Edward, you sound like Uncle Billy. I'm going. Try and stop me."

She was stubborn, all right.

"I won't. I promise, I won't." I chuckled.

"Okay." She sounded satisfied, before she began coughing again. It sounded all gross and horrible.

"Sleep!" I ordered her with feigned authority, my voice still too freaking tender for Alice, that the length of her grin grew.

"Goodbye, Edward," she said in a croaking whisper.

"Sleep well, crocodile," was my reply, and fuck it that Alice was right there to hear how much Bella had compromised me. I didn't care.

The waitress placed our coffee before us, and it gave me a fucking reprieve before Alice started. She decided to delay it, dragging it out deliberately as she added her sugars and stirred.

"Get on with it, Alice. I know you noticed my ring tone." I folded my arms across the table, feeling my expression growing darker the longer she tested my fucking patience.

"It's fitting, _alligator._" She sipped her coffee, smiling fucking slyly.

"Funny!" I replied, sarcastically, throwing in a couple of sugars and stirring my coffee roughly, and making it spill over the sides.

She laughed, raising a fucking mocking, all knowing eyebrow in my direction. "You're a lost cause, Edward. Worse than Jazz—worse than _Jacob_."

What the fuck else was new...

**...**

Thursday, finals were over, and Bella sounded no better than the day before when I rang her after school.

It wasn't often that I had the house to myself, so I decided to ring her from the living room, winding the pen through my fingers as I chatted to her.

She sounded weak and congested, and she spent the majority of the time trying to convince me that she was fine. It was the first time I considered she might not be well enough to go to the prom, regardless if she went or not. As much as I wanted to go with her, I didn't want to drag her around sick. She assured me a couple of dozen more times that come Saturday she'd be fine, and I reluctantly let it go.

Then like the fucking monumental idiot that I was, I retreated to my room leaving the pen on the coffee table. When I realized—practically bolting back into the room to retrieve it—it was too late. Emmett sat watching TV with it sitting behind his ear.

Shit!

"Hey, bludge. You looking for something?" he asked me, flashing me a wise ass smirk.

"Very funny," I replied dryly.

He pulled the pen from his ear. "Nice pen by the way. You gonna get it engraved?" He sounded sincere, if I was gullible enough to fall for it.

I made a move to grab it from his hand, ineffectually.

His grin widened. "You could put: Dear Bella Down Under, you make me so hot I threw away all my sweaters, love Dudley Doo Root."

"Yeah hilarious, bro—just hand it over." I sighed, becoming impatient.

He shrugged, then tossed it to me. "So how is she anyway? Has your rooting done any good?"

"Emmett—what the fuck!" I snapped, immediately pissed off

"What? I'm serious—Jesus you're uptight!"

"What the fuck ever!" I muttered under my breath, before turning to head back to my room again.

"If anyone needs a good root, it's you, Edwina," I heard Emmett mutter to himself.

That was the understatement of the century…

**...**

Friday dragged. With finals over, Jazz and Alice talked about nothing but prom like it was their fucking wedding day, while Emmett went back to slipping the word _root _into every conversation with me again.

It was almost fucking painful.

"I'll be fucking for you for tomorrow night's root," he said casually at lunch with a mouthful of burger, before he made a deliberate show of slapping himself in the head. "Oops, I got that backwards."

Jazz knocked his can of coke over me, laughing like the pissant he was, while I only sighed to myself.

Fuck Emmett, and refusing to be pulled into his bullshit, I pulled my phone out of my pocket, sending Bella a text message.

**How are you?**

**Better. You? **Was her reply.

**All good. Sure you're going to be okay for tomorrow night?**

**Shut up!**

Before I could stop myself, I laughed, drawing the attention of everyone at the table as I sat grinning down at my cell, no doubt looking like a freak show.

Emmett grabbed my phone from my hands.

"1-900-root-me?" He shot up a wise ass, fucking suggestive brow.

Groaning, Rose snatched my phone from him, handing it back to me.

I shoved it back in my pocket.

"How is Bella, anyway?" Rose asked, directing her question at Alice.

Alice went to see her the day before. Bella had forbidden me from coming, since I was a "_sooky la la" _and didn't get a flu shot.

"She's not the best, but she's going to be _drugged to the hilt—_as she said—for tomorrow," Alice answered.

"Slop One and Slop Two are back at school today. Did anyone notice?" Rose added, rolling her eyes knowingly.

I had. Jake had thrown me an almost civil grin as I passed him in the halls between second and third periods.

"It was just a matter of time for Bella to get sick—being constantly subjected to those two. I wanted to projectile vomit that day they sat with us at lunch." Rose grimaced, before openly shuddering.

"What day was that?" I asked, my curiosity surpassing my confusion.

"It was when you had one foot in the grave, Edith," Emmett answered, winking.

"That was the day Bella punched out Newton." Jazz chuckled, just as the table jolted violently, and I felt myself impulsively tense.

"If she pushed Newton off his bike for being a dud root, why did she try and kill you, bludge?" Emmett asked slyly.

I sighed again, but this time attempting not to grin to myself.

"Emmett, this is so old now. Can we please change the subject?" Alice rolled her eyes and went back to schlepping over Jazz as they _I love you'd _through more of their prom discussions.

I tried to remain in denial that they weren't in fact talking about their post prom night of sex and turned my attention away from them, when I caught Emmett glaring at Jazz in a rare display of candor, and broke into a small grin.

"We're so gonna have to do something about that little prick soon, Dudders," he said lowly to me, his tone only half joking.

**...**

Friday: Bella sounded slightly better; though, she barely had a voice, while I asked her, more times than her patience was able to hold, if she was positive she was going to be well enough.

"Edward—bloody hell!" she exclaimed, her voice cracking and turning hoarser. "You sound like you don't want me to go at all."

"Of course I want you to go," I insisted, softening my tone. "I just don't want you ending up worse."

"Believe me, that isn't possible," she stated matter-of-factly.

"Well, OK, I'll see you tomorrow at six," I conceded, looking down at the pen I'd been clutching, wondering if she'd even want another pen from me.

Wondering if we were even past the pens...

* * *

**A/N: Later, gators. **


	28. One Moment in Time

**A/N: Have you guys caught on that half my chapter titles are song titles?**

* * *

**Chapter 27**

**One Moment in Time.**

**Edward's POV.**

Saturday afternoon just as dusk was setting in, I was sitting in the limousine on the way to Jazz's house, clutching Bella's corsage in my clammy grip. I was focusing on the pink streamers, that were flapping about from the hood of the limousine, to keep myself from succumbing to the edginess I could feel infiltrating me. I was a fucking wreck; I couldn't remember in my life ever feeling so wound up over one night.

In my pocket the pen sat, poking me in the groin intermittently as I shifted in the seat; a pile of switched on nerves and impulses, and little else.

Emmett had given me the idea to have the pen engraved, and I got it done when the three of us went to Port Angeles that morning to pick up the corsages. Five words that had the potential to completely end me. It was all coming down to this night; I knew if it was finally going to work with the two of us, I'd realize it by the end of the night.

One way or another, I'd know.

My gaze broke from the hood and I caught Emmett's eye. He flashed me a quick grin and winked, while between his legs he was signaling me with his thumb outstretched, nodding freaking slyly, and arching an eyebrow in further emphasis. I broke into a small grin and shook my head to myself. The dickhead scrubbed up well in his tuxedo, but Emmett would always be Emmett no matter what he was wearing. There were no _dud roots_ from him that day, though. There'd been no _roots_ of any kind.

Jazz was buzzing, his knees bouncing the corsage as his feet jittered with a hypo-fucking-active anticipation, which was typical of him. He'd slicked his hair back, making him look deceivingly civilized, but all it did was highlight the fading hickey that was bruised into his neck.

I looked away, throwing off the impatience that threatened to set in as the limousine pulled onto the street where the asshole lived.

My stomach tensed and knotted, and I shifted in the seat again and tried to relax. No chance. My body was a live wire and there was absolutely no way I'd be able to shut it down by this point.

The limo came to a stop, and Jazz was the first out the door, leaping out and straightening out his jacket offhandedly before he made his way along the path to the front door. Emmett exited next with his usual ease. He was never dictated by time; his way of thinking was that nothing really started until he got there, anyway.

I retreated from the limo last. Pulling myself to my full height, I took mechanical steps following Emmett to the door while the energy continued to plow through my veins. I wasn't sure whether I was hornier than I was strung out, while my fucking hands, that still gripped Bella's corsage, began to shake.

Mrs. Hale had already opened the door for Jazz, gushing all over him before greeting Emmett with the same enthusiasm. Ushering him inside, she held out her arm to quicken me.

"Well, don't you boys look handsome!" she exclaimed once we had assembled in the foyer, pointing her camera in our direction and almost freaking blinding me with the flash.

My eyes drifted to the stairs, and my heart jolted. Releasing my breath deeply, I raked my fingers stiffly back through my hair. I was so fucking amped up, and I couldn't calm myself.

"They're ready, and gosh they look _beautiful!_" Jazz's mother started gushing again, before she disappeared up the stairs.

They all appeared at the top behind her a moment later. Bella, who was half concealed by Mrs. Hale, was wearing this tan and black dress that hugged her body.

Fuck me...

I almost went through the fucking floor—she was beautiful!

She smiled down at me then, all warm and tender—with no suspicion anymore.

No walls around her to stop me from getting through...

I smiled back, almost placing my palm over my heart. It was pounding so fucking heavily within me that I had this lame ass impulse to try and muffle it.

My eyes dipped to her dress and my breath caught, because—fuck me—she was gorgeous, but all I could suddenly think was how hard it would be to get that dress off her.

Then she was before me.

I stepped forward and took her hands in mine.

"Bella, fuck…" I said without really fucking thinking—making her smile, but I didn't realize she had _this _kind of body under all the clothes she was always wearing. "You look beautiful." I attempted to redeem myself, only my voice clogged in the back of my throat.

I cleared it roughly.

Her smile broadened, her face flushing, and that's when I noticed how sick she still was. I could feel the heat coming off her, and her eyes were too bright—but she was beautiful. It didn't seem enough, but it was all I could think of.

"You don't look so bad yourself," she replied, her voice still so hoarse, before she reached out and smoothed down my jacket.

The pen jabbed me again—not that I could do much about it, but she noticed me react to it, her forehead quirking. I just smiled back down at her, recovering quickly, before opening the little plastic box that held the corsage.

"Here," I said gently, slipping it around her wrist, while she watched me almost curiously.

"That's what that thing is for..." she replied, chuckling softly.

Mrs. Hale then ushered us into a line and began taking photos of us. I held my hand steadfast to Bella's, pulling her closer to my side, unable to tell if the heat between us was from her or me. I was already roasting after all, and she was so warm.

After several dozen more photographs, we made our way back outside to the limo.

"How do you feel?" I asked her, my voice dropping.

"I'm fine," she said with a sigh.

"Okay, okay." I pulled her closer to me again, before releasing her hand and wrapping my arm around her shoulders, when Bella stopped us short.

I looked down at her in confusion. She was staring at the limo in surprise.

"Bella, what—" I began.

"Pink streamers? Edward..." her voice trailed off, before she exhaled into a knowing kind of smile, shaking her head slightly to herself.

"It was part of the condition, remember?" I murmured into her ear.

She nodded, leaning into me and nudging me playfully. "I remember," she replied softly. "You're a dag."

I had absolutely no idea what that word meant, but I was taking it as a good sign.

**...**

The prom was being held at Kalaloch Lodge. A log cabin restaurant just outside of town, with views of the ocean, and by the time we arrived—because of freaking Emmett we were late—there were students everywhere.

We were directed to an archway that held the sign_: Forks High School, class of 2014_. Bella and I stood beneath it to have our photo taken, before we followed Jazz and Alice into the restaurant.

Inside it was warm, and I felt Bella relax more in my arms. The lights were dimmed and several dining tables surrounded a dance floor where a DJ was already set up, blasting out that idiotic techno music that the little rat liked.

Each person that we passed exclaimed an enthusiastic greeting to us as if we were putting aside all the bullshit politics of high school and were all best friends. I returned their ridiculous fucking greetings and led Bella over to the table where Jazz and Alice were sitting.

I figured they'd start feeling each other up before too long and it'd give me an excuse to go somewhere private with Bella.

"Isn't it great here?" Alice exclaimed to Bella, who sat beside her.

"It is," Bella agreed.

They chatted for a while as the room slowly filled with people. Bella had her hand firmly entwined around mine for the most part of it, and I was happy to just listen.

After several minutes she turned to me, releasing my hand to rest hers on my leg. "What are you so quiet for?"

I only smiled at her, shaking my head and half shrugging. If I told her I liked listening to her talk, she'd only tell me I was cheesy anyway, so I said nothing. Besides, I didn't think I had the brain capacity at that moment while I was so focused on her body beneath that dress, and the fact that every time it got away from me, the pen in my pocket kept poking me in the dick.

Of course, with Bella distracted by me, pissant Jazz took the opportunity to start groping my sister in front of us. This only made Bella's attention become more focused on me, and after only a few minutes, she started asking me why I looked so "uptight".

Uptight didn't quite cover it. I was a fucking basket case over the pen I was carrying—or the fact that I was going to use it to ask her to be my girlfriend. If she said no, it would fucking end me, but if she said yes, then I would in all reality try at some point during the night to get that dress off her—and probably fuck everything up in the process.

This was on top of just wanting to confess to her that I loved her—regardless of what she felt for me. And considering that not too long ago she couldn't stand me, it made the least fucking sense of all.

But when did Bella and I make _any_ sense?

After the fifth time I'd assured her that I was fine, dinner was served; roast lamb, or whatever the hell it was. I didn't really pay that much attention to it. All I noticed was that Bella didn't eat much of it. She picked mostly at it with her fork as she chatted with me.

I let her talk for the most part, I was too wound up and I discovered that watching her facial expressions was a good distraction; the way her eyebrows would pull together intermittently as she gazed at me—probably trying to work out why I was so "uptight". All the while her hands were constantly in contact with me, whether they played with my fingers, or rested on my knee, straightening and smoothing my tie...

She cleared her throat a lot too; it broke when she talked. I almost became mesmerized with the ritual of it. Her voice would break, she'd raise her fist to her mouth to clear it, and then afterwards her voice was adorably husky again, before it slowly retreated back to croaky. Then the throat clearing routine would start all over again.

I became so distracted by her that when I looked up I realized we were the only ones still sitting at the table. I leaned in to her, to be heard over the music, and she tilted her head toward me just as the fucked up alluring scent of her perfume flooded my senses.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" I asked her, trying to swallow stiffly past it.

She nodded, and as we stood up she grabbed my hand, but the moment we walked outside, I released it; wrapping my arms around her and pulling her against me.

We walked through the gardens, as I led her as far away from everyone as I could. She was shivering—as much as she was trying not to—and I wondered how she could be cold. It was summer now, after all.

Trying not to grin to myself, I pulled her tighter to me. Her skin was hot, but at the same time she was breaking into goose bumps.

"Cold?" I asked her gently, rubbing her arm slowly as I led her to the gazebo at the rear of the gardens.

"Edward, when am I _not _cold?" she replied wryly.

"You'll get used to it soon," I promised her, sitting her down on one of the benches.

"Hopefully..." she mumbled, smiling to herself as she looked down.

Taking a deep breath, I shoved my hand in my pocket, gripping the pen in my fist. The fucking thing had been maiming me the entire night.

"I got you something, Bella..." I confessed to her after a minute of working myself into a sweat.

Her brow shot up with surprise, just as I pulled the pen out of my pocket and held it out to her. I'd wrapped a red ribbon around it that now looked dead—on top of really corny, but Bella only stared at it. Her expression, which had been initially curious, slowly softened and that warm smile lit up across her face. She took it from me and only gazed at it for a moment, before she turned her eyes to mine

"Edward ... oh my God—you are such a sweetheart," she said softly, her smile broadening.

I reached over and turned it in her hands so she could read the inscription.

"Bella, all my love, Edward," she read out loud, softly, and when she looked up at me again, her eyes were serious and shining with ... something I couldn't read.

"What am I going to do with you?" Her tone was gentle and teasing, before she leaned in closer to me for a brief moment then pulled back again to hold my gaze.

"You can do whatever you like with me, Bella!" I replied, before apprehensively bringing my hand to cup her cheek, slowly tilting her face back to mine.

This is when I stalled, completely second guessing myself, as my heart began to pound furiously behind my rib cage. Then, needing a moment to work up the courage, I bent down to kiss her, and immediately she pulled back.

I was on my feet in and instant.

Putting my hands on my hips, I turned my back to her, feeling like she'd fucking punched me again, and immediately feeling the rejection burning my ears.

Dropping my head, I gazed at the ground, when suddenly Bella was on her feet and clutching at my arm.

"Edward—I—"

I spun around to face her, cutting her off. "You're what, Bella? You're sorry?" I asked her, my tone flat, while my fucking heart clenched in my chest. Breaking my gaze from her, I reached up and dragged my hand roughly bak through my hair.

All I could think was that she didn't want to kiss me, and like the idiot that I was I'd bared my soul to her and made a fucking idiot out of myself.

She shook her head. "Edward, it—"

"I can't do this anymore, Bella," I said quietly to her, before I moved to take a step away but she only clung to me tighter.

"Edward, stop—it's not like that. I—" she attempted to plead with me, but I cut her off again, feeling a stubborn ache rise in my chest

"Do you have any idea what you do to me, Bella? Do you have any idea how I feel about you?" I demanded, my tone defeated just as I ran my fingers impulsively through my hair again.

I was restless—and I needed to get away from her!

"Of course I do!" she exclaimed, while the attempt she made at increasing the volume of her voice only made it break. She sighed and paused before she gazed up at me again. "I just didn't want—"

"To kiss me?" I interjected, finishing the sentence for her.

She shook her head, for the first time appearing angry. "Edward—you're doing it again! Would you just bloody shut up for a moment and listen to me?!"

"I can't, Bella. I'm done," I answered flatly, before removing her grip from my arm and stepping out of the gazebo. I walked, not back to the restaurant, I just walked, feeling the fucking ache in my chest growing, threatening to become unbearable. Where I was going I had no fucking clue, I just had to put a large distance between the two of us.

She didn't follow, at least not initially, but I soon heard the awkward thudding of her feet on the damp ground behind me as she got closer, before she grabbed hold of my arm again; almost pulling me backwards.

I turned back to her fucking resigned. She was out of breath, her face flushing deeper. She tried to talk but instead broke off and started coughing. My heart went out to her, and it took nearly every part of my will power not to pull her into my arms.

"Bella, you can't keep doing this to me," I whispered, expelling my breath heavily, and it wasn't until I heard the sound of my voice that I realized I'd spoken it out loud.

"Edward..." her voice broke and a single tear slipped down her cheek, "I ... I just don't want you to get sick."

I only stared at her for a moment, my heart beginning to beat fucking anxiously just as hope ignited within me again.

Tentatively, I brought my hand to her face, grazing her cheek with the back of my fingers as I gazed into her eyes. They were burning too bright, when realization suddenly hit me. I was being a prick to her again_,_ when all she was doing was thinking about me. She was the one who was sick and here she was worried about me.

How many times was I going to do this to her?

Reaching out, I took her hand in mine, pulling her gently toward me. She only stared at me, her eyes looking fucking wounded, before pulling her hand free.

"Edward, of course I want to—" she began softly, but cut herself off, taking a deep breath and exhaling.

I was about to apologize, ridiculously fucking apologize, when the next thing I knew, she'd grabbed the lapels of my jacket, pulled me down—almost dragging me on top of her—and pressed her lips to mine.

My initial reaction was shock, and I froze slightly as the fucking heat began surging through my body.

Her lips were soft and slightly open, and she pressed them against mine with slightly more pressure before pulling away fractionally; only to part her mouth more and kiss me with more depth.

With my brain finally catching up to my body, I grabbed her, engulfing her in my arms and pressed her against me—almost hauling her off the ground in the process—as I kissed her back.

I couldn't get her close enough, and as I pulled back several times to angle my face to her, my nose pressed into the soft skin of her cheek. She smelled so fucking good that for a moment I almost lost my bearings.

This time she was completely willing—to every move I made. She didn't go tense, or shy away. When I pulled her tighter against me, she wrapped her arms around my neck, her fingers running into my hair. When I opened my mouth to her more, she immediately responded—reacting with the same intensity.

I kissed her until my heart rocked my entire body, until the heat beneath my skin broke to the surface; and until I could barely breathe.

It was Bella who broke away first.

"Edward," she whispered my name breathlessly, as her warm breath washed over my lips. She seemed unsteady in my arms, almost swaying.

But barely taking a single breath, I pulled her back to me, again taking her lips between mine, but it was all I could think and feel—and fucking conceive.

The smell of her, the taste of her; the fucking warmth of her...

She continued to kiss me back with the same energy, pressing her fingers into my skin, grabbing fistfuls of my shirt and jacket, drawing me closer, her body pressing tortuously against mine. She was consuming me, while her shortened breath continued to flood me, her face growing hotter and hotter next to mine.

When I released her, parting our lips slowly, I was almost stumbling, practically drunk on her. Pressing my lips against her forehead I rested against her for a moment, catching my breath while my pulse hammered through me.

Her chest rose and fell to meet mine, the heat of her breath washing against the base of my throat. Completely overwhelming me, until I felt like I was breaking into a freaking sweat.

When I felt like I had even a fraction of control of myself, I released her. My hands slipped down her arms, until I found her hand, threading my fingers with hers. My hands were fucking sweaty, but I didn't care, and she only gazed up at me and smiled.

It was thatI-own-your-ass smile, but now added to it was something more. It was in her eyes, and her expression; an unspoken promise that she was finally mine.

Blinking slowly, her eyes fell to my mouth and her smile slowly broadened.

"Come here," she said, her voice a hoarse whisper before she carefully reached up and wiped my lips with her fingertips; wiping them free of her lipstick, I assumed.

I only grinned drunkenly, completely fucking intoxicated by her. Then, grabbing her hand in both of mine, I pulled her flush against me, kissing her again.

It sounds like a fucking cliché, but I felt like time stopped; I have no idea how long we stood out in the dark, but I knew one thing then; whatever it was that drew Bella back to me over and over again, she had finally surrendered to it.

After a while I couldn't kiss her any more—at least, not without ripping that damn dress off her. Even just holding her to me became too much of a physical torture, but I didn't let her go.

She was cold again and trembling against me. I'd asked her a couple of times if she wanted to go back to the restaurant, but she only shook her head and wrapped her arms tighter around my waist. She was coughing a lot though, and I knew I really needed to get her indoors.

Reluctantly, I released her and wrapping my arm around her, I slowly walked us back.

"Edward, you know what?" she asked softly, stopping and turning her eyes to mine.

I gazed down at her, quizzically. "What?"

She broke into that freaking tender smile again. "We really need to work on our communication."

"That we do," I replied laughing softly.

She only continued to smile up at me, before suddenly drawing her breath in sharply and stiffening, pulling herself from my arms. "I left my pen at the gazebo!"

Almost subconsciously, I put my hand over my heart—Jesus, this girl was going to kill me. "Okay, don't panic. It has your name on it, after all."

The pen was sitting on the bench where Bella had left it, still wrapped in the corny red ribbon. With a sigh she picked it up, before sitting down and holding her hand out to me. I removed my jacket—I was fucking alight beneath it anyway—and wrapped it around her shoulders before sitting beside her and pulling her into my arms.

We listened to the music; it was nothing but slow songs from that point. Bella only hummed along to them softly as she lay against my chest, playing with my fingers—after she'd wrapped my arms tightly around her. She was still ridiculously hot.

Releasing her breath deeply, she rested her head fully against me, turning to plant her hot lips against the side of my neck.

Fuck...

I groaned beneath my breath, fighting hard to prevent it from being audible. I was as stiff as a flagpole and with Bella lying directly on top of me there was no way I could hide it.

Pressing my lips to her cheek, I ran my fingers up and down her torso, feeling her ribs beneath the material of her dress. She turned her head to me again, but this time I intercepted her, covering her mouth with mine.

It threatened to get away from us again, when Bella paused, breaking into a smile while her lips were still merged with mine, before she eventually broke away.

"Is that a pen in your pocket, Edward, or are you just happy to see me?" she teased me gently.

Chuckling softly, I pressed my lips against the top of her head. "I'm _very_ happy to see you."

She kind of laughed through her nose for a moment, until she fell quiet. Holding my hands tightly around her waist, she relaxed fully against me, seeming content to lay with me in silence.

"Bella?" I asked her after a moment.

She only hummed in answer.

I exhaled deeply. "About ... everything that happened before..."

"Oh God, Edward ..." she said with a sigh.

"Just tell me what I have to do to make it up to you?"

She turned to face me again, burying her face into my neck before she spoke, "You don't have to do anything."

"You seemed to forgive me so easily, and I was really worried you'd never speak to me again," I said lightly.

"Edward ... I shouldn't be telling you this, but you're kinda hard to resist," she admitted reluctantly, sounding almost cynical.

"Really…?" I replied, my tone teasing before I wrapped my arms tighter around her, resting my lips at her temple. "Just tell me how I can make it up to you and I'll feel a lot better."

She huffed out a mockingly impatient sigh. "How about I just take a rain check on it, okay?"

"Deal," I replied, before I moved to get to my feet, pulling her up with me. "Come on, we have to dance at some point. It is prom after all."

"Hey, dancing was my deal breaker!" she protested, only sounding semi-teasing.

Chuckling softly, I took her hand and wrapped my other around her back, pulling her close to me. "Stop whining. You'll live," I murmured against her ear.

She only groaned, but let me guide her slowly from side to side.

A few times she stumbled with my feet, huffing in frustration. "I did warn you."

I broke into an immediate grin, trying not to laugh, but said nothing.

She only flashed me a cynical look before pulling awkwardly back so she wasn't standing so close to me, but I drew her in again.

"You're thinking about it too much," I said to her.

Taking a frustrated sounding breath, she bent her forehead on my shoulder so she could see what she was doing. She didn't stomp on my feet, at least, and after a while she seemed confident enough to look back up to me.

"Better?" I murmured.

"No—shut up," she replied, making me immediately laugh.

It was slightly awkward but we managed to dance for a few minutes without her feet colliding with mine. Of course, she didn't exactly appreciate my amusement over it, but since I was hard to resist and everything...

Actually, I'd be an asshole to play on that, and she was a hundred times better at resisting how irresistible she apparently thought I was. She could rip all my confidence to shreds with just a raise of her eyebrows. I'd be an idiot to push her.

Besides, she was a lot more irresistible, and she had no idea exactly how much.

It was easy to tease her, to distract myself, because with her body pressed against mine—and my body's reaction to her—I was becoming more and more compromised by her.

I eventually snapped, kissing her impulsively, and again she responded, breaking away only to stretch on her toes, her body streamlined against mine to the point that it was painful.

It was right then that my iPhone, that was inside my jacket Bella was wearing, vibrated against my stomach—startling us both that we immediately pulled apart, flustered and confused.

Slipping my hand into the pocket, I retrieved my phone and opened the message.

Bella, who'd peered over my arm, read it aloud before I could stop her, "Edwina, stop rooting Bella. The limo is here." She glanced up at me, her forehead puckering slightly in an almost bewildered expression before she started chuckling.

"Well, come on then, _Edwina._ I guess we'd better be going," she said, curling her arm around my elbow and snuggling close to me.

Untangling her, I wrapped my arm around her and walked back to the restaurant. Her voice had become croakier the longer we'd stayed outside, and her cheeks had become ruddier—but then I couldn't be entirely sure of the reason behind that one. What I did know was that she'd seemed to become a _lot_ warmer.

Of course, the limo ride back home was torture. Every one of them sat scrutinizing us with various expressions of fucking amusement and mocking—or in Alice's case, bursting pride. Bella seemed oblivious to them as she sat snuggled into my side.

"Nice shade of lipstick you're wearing, douche bag!" Jazz smirked.

I just grinned sarcastically back at him, knowing I looked as drunk as I felt, but it was unavoidable. Every one of my senses was buzzing with her, and I was so fucking horny it was beginning to become torture.

She went into several coughing bouts on the way home, making me feel like a fucking bastard for keeping her outside for most of the night.

"Bella, did you bring your flu meds?" Alice asked her, her expression mirroring mine.

Bella only nodded and croaked out a stiff, _"Yes"_.

I tightened my arm around her, taking her hand with my free arm. She curled her fingers through mine and with her other hand she tickled the side of me, immediately making me tense. "I'm okay, Edward," she whispered to me.

By the time we arrived home half the town was already waiting outside, and when idiot Emmett stepped out of the limo, everyone cheered as if he was some kind of returning fucking NFL hero.

In five minutes the house was crowded and blaring with music. I'd left Bella in the living room talking with Angela for a few minutes while I disappeared into the kitchen to make her a hot chocolate. I was going to get her to take some more medication—despite the fact that she insisted she didn't need any.

I took the two mugs up to my room before going back downstairs to get her—checking quickly that I didn't have anything embarrassing lying about before I closed the door.

At the top of the stairs I paused, scanning the crowds for her. When I finally caught sight of her, it fucking jarred me again. I only gazed down at her for a moment, marveling at how freaking beautiful she was in that damn body hugging dress.

Just at that moment, she turned her head, her eyes searching the crowds ... for me.

I bounded down the stairs, approaching her from behind, before encircling my arms around her. She jumped slightly then turned herself in my arms to face me.

"I'll leave you guys to it then," I heard Angela say.

Bella looked back quickly, but Angela was gone. Turning back to me, she flashed me a quick grin, before wrapping her arms around my back, resting her forehead against my chest.

"Do you want to hang out in my room?" I asked her as a surge of heat brought my fucking erection back to the forefront at just the idea of it. "I promise not to attack you in anyway—if I can help it," I added, grinning at her teasingly.

She smiled lightly, with a hint of cynicism that freaking conquered me, before opening her mouth to speak. Her voice broke, and clearing her throat she only nodded in answer.

"You're taking some more medicine too—if I have to force it down you," I whispered into her ear as I led her upstairs.

She expelled her breath but didn't reply, and when I glanced down at her, she was smiling to herself; though, her eyes were way too bright and her cheeks were flushing deeper. I placed the back of my hand up to her forehead gently; it creased immediately, before she turned to me and grabbed my hand with a sigh.

"Edward, you are too uptight. I'm fine. I have the flu—that's all!" she insisted, her eyes turning warm as they met mine.

Grinning at her, I shrugged. "I'm still forcing those pills down you."

"You won't be able to attack me if I'm out cold," she said simply with a sly grin.

Fuck me sideways...

As my body immediately reacted, I paused and gauged her for a moment. She was still surprising the hell out of me—and she knew it too!

Opening my bedroom door, I led her inside, sitting her down on my bed before I got up to get the hot chocolate I'd left on my dresser.

She glanced around my room looking both apprehensive and genuinely curious at the same time. I paused, suddenly feeling like I had the surreal urge to freaking start dancing around in victory that I finally had her in my bedroom. On my bed.

Not that I'd ever be in control of the situation with her, or anything...

She clasped her fists in her lap, drawing her shoulders up for a moment before relaxing them, causing the strap from her dress to slip from her shoulder. I acted before I thought about it. Placing the two cups on my night stand, I sat beside her and slipped it back up for her. Her skin was soft and silky, making me wish I could take that dress off her.

She turned her head to face me; she didn't look surprised, she just smiled at me; though, she wasn't completely relaxed with me just yet. It was something about the way her brow bunched...

I only returned her smile, before running my hand from her shoulder to cup the side of her face, tilting her slightly to me. Her expression was just beginning to turn suspicious when I pressed my lips down against hers.

It was only brief, while I continued to fight every burning, primitive desire with an instinct that was slowly wearing down my resistance.

It should have been enough just to kiss her, but it wasn't. I wanted to feel every inch of her body beneath my hands—I wanted to _know_ every inch of her body, and I just couldn't seem to get close enough to her.

It wasn't just about me being horny—even though that was the fucking understatement of the century—but this desire I was feeling was almost too hard for me to properly comprehend.

She reacted to me without any of the boundaries I was used to; kissing me back and opening her mouth to mine with a fraction more pressure, but it was just as brief when she pulled apart. For the longest moment she just stared into my eyes, and I was just on the verge of bending in to kiss her again, when she broke her gaze.

She began to straighten my tie, before tucking my hair behind my ear, tugging on my earlobe playfully; a smile suddenly lighting up on her face again.

"Do you know what Alice told me about you?" Her smile turned to a grin as she locked her eyes with mine.

I groaned and half rolled my eyes. "Let me guess; when people walk past me they spontaneously combust?"

She laughed softly. "No..." She began playing with my tie again; this time she was loosening it.

"What did Alice tell you about me?" My voice was tight, and I swallowed thickly. It wasn't the smartest thing to do, considering her attention was on my neck.

"She told me you swear a lot," she answered, her grin broadening.

_Fucking little rat!_

"I bet she did!" I muttered.

Bella only chuckled; she'd completely undone my tie and was pulling it slowly from around my neck. "I don't believe it, though. You'd have to prove it to me first."

I smiled at her for a moment, before clearing my throat and leaning closer to her; my forehead almost touching hers. "You're _fucking_ beautiful, Bella."

Her expression almost made me burst into laughter. Her eyes widened, surprised yet ... not, her entire face flushing, before her lips again curved into a small smile.

"You're such a sap," she mumbled warmly, before reaching up and slowly unbuttoning my top shirt button.

Fuck, what was she doing?

Again I swallowed nervously, all but giving in to my erection.

I needed a distraction.

"I'll swear more if you want me too, but you have to promise me something," I teased her, my voice only slightly restricted and turning gravelly.

"Okay?" she asked, her brow quirking.

"You can't stop saying those Australian phrases," I said, breaking into a grin—almost laughing from her replying frown.

She huffed. "I don't exactly realize I'm saying them anyway."

"But if you stop saying _bloody _and _bugger,_ I'll be really upset."

Rolling her eyes, she shoved me playfully, but I knew I'd made her self-conscious by the way her cheeks suddenly burned. "I can't promise anything but I'll bring some Tim Tams back from Australia and I'll show you how to slam them."

Slamming Tim Tams? I liked the sound of that...

My brow shot up at her slyly.

Rolling her eyes again, she opened her mouth to reply but was cut off by a rap song that began playing from inside her purse. I felt the frown immediately etch my face. Knowing Jacob had put it on her phone bugged the fuck out of me. I'd have to replace it—and soon!

She stood up to retrieve it, pulling it from her bag and bringing it to her ear without checking the caller ID—throwing me that freaking grin of hers as she did. "It's nothing like you think, Edward... Hello?"

The laugh died on my lips; something was wrong. Bella had frozen almost literally, then taking a shaky breath, she stepped backwards as all color drained from her face.

"W-When?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper and wavering as her face crumbled in pain.

I knew immediately...

I was on my feet and by her side in an instant, but she held out her hand, pressing it against my chest, holding me at arm's length, and preventing me from pulling her against me.

"Okay..." she spoke into the receiver, nodding her head slowly, her voice so faint that I barely heard it, before her hand that held the phone to her ear fell, dropping her phone to the floor. She swayed on her feet; her face so pale that my heart stalled in sudden panic. I pulled her into my arms but she shoved me roughly off, shaking her head. "No!" she exclaimed, her voice immediately breaking.

"Bella..." I said gently to her, panicked by the sheer look of fucked up desolation in her eyes.

She only shook her head more. "No!" she repeated; though, it was barely more than a whisper. She brought her fists to her forehead, pressing her closed palms roughly against her skin, before inhaling back a sharp breath.

Her entire body began trembling.

I wrapped my arms around her, a little rougher this time, and pulled her against me. She immediately struggled, pushing herself against my chest as she began to sob, her voice choked and broken.

"Edward, don't—let me go!" she cried, fighting against me, as I tightened my arms around her, holding her to me. "LET ME_ GO_!" she yelled this time, continuing to struggle.

I only held steadfast to her, pressing her head to my chest. I knew she wasn't fighting me but against the realization that Kel was gone. I knew any minute it would hit her, and when it did she was going to drown under it, and I knew her pain. I knew what was about to be unleashed on her.

I rubbed her back up and down, gently; I wanted to tell her it was going to be okay, but I knew it wasn't, and there wasn't a fucking thing I could do to make her feel better. I just enclosed her in my arms, pressed my lips to the top of her head, soothing her as best as I could until her struggle against me weakened.

She continued to shake her head back and forth. "No, Edward, please. Please, no..." she pleaded against my chest, before she stopped struggling and completely broke down.

"I know, honey. I know..." I whispered to her softly.

Collapsing against me, she surrendered herself to the tears that seemed to strangle from her. I knelt down to the floor, keeping her tight against me and continued to rub her back as she fell slowly apart; trembling violently, struggling repeatedly for breath.

I was beginning to worry she was in shock, and just as I contemplated getting Alice, my door flew open. I looked up into Emmett's accusing fucking gaze.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?" he demanded.

"Emmett, get Alice," I told him urgently.

He just stared at me, his eyes narrowing darkly as they focused on Bella then back to me. "What the fuck did you do this time, Edward!?"

"_GET FUCKING ALICE_!" I roared at him.

* * *

**A/N: Um ... sorry?**


	29. Shattered

********_**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SCENES OF CHILD ABUSE******_

**Want to know why the idea of returning to Australia straight after Kel's accident freaked Bella out so much? This chapter explains everything.**

**The italics are Bella's memories.**

* * *

****Kleenex warning****

**These wounds won't seem to heal**

**This pain is just too real**

**There's just too much that time cannot erase**

My Immortal - Evanescence

* * *

**Chapter 28**

**Shattered**

**Bella's POV**

"Bella, here put this on," a gentle voice spoke to me, the tone soothing and tender, but unable to ease the pain that was tearing through the fabric of my soul.

I raised my head numbly in response.

Alice.

She was helping me into an oversized, fluffy pink robe. As she wrapped it over me, pulling my arms through the sleeves, my limbs moving mechanically, I stared numbly at the black dress that lay haphazardly over the bathroom sink.

My prom dress.

I was just at the prom with Edward … I'd kissed him.

I closed my eyes and allowed the memory of Edward's tender lips merging with mine to wash back through my thoughts. It brought a warm static energy with it, and I felt myself smile but it was fleeting, fading almost instantly as the warmth of my memory immediately retreated. I took a heavy breath; my chest ached with it.

Edward had only kissed me tonight, yet my consciousness of it was saturated in dark shadows.

I shook my head to myself softly, trying to clear the fogginess from my mind, and when I looked up again I found a pair of blue green eyes gazing intently back.

"Alice…" I whispered, my voice catching.

She nodded, smiling gently through a mask of heartbreak. I continued to stare at her, feeling my forehead knot in confusion.

Why was she so sad?

She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me briefly but delicately to her—like I might break—before she again released me, gazing steadily at me. Her eyes were reflecting a helplessness that was very unlike her. Alice was always so positive and optimistic. "Bella, you're going to get through this. I promise you it will."

I took a shaky breath but my lungs refused to fully expand. My chest was on fire; it ached with an all-consuming pain. I shook my head again, trying desperately to clear my thoughts. I hadn't repressed the terrible reality that Kel had died, but I couldn't discern any details of how it came about. It was as if there was a huge black hole in my memory.

I pushed stubbornly back through to the shrouded memories of the first few weeks after I'd left Australia. It was something that I hadn't done with so much clarity since … I had come to see Alice on that fateful day when I ran in the rain to the Cullens' front door; when Edward's interception had pulled me back from the brink of drowning.

I squeezed my eyes shut as tears slipped from beneath my lashes in silent streaks. Memories were rushing back in a jumble of confusing images, but I didn't shy away from them like I normally would.

_**Bella, I didn't want to have to tell you this via email. Kel has been in a serious accident. Her outlook is not good. Please, please, please call me.**_

Rach's email.

My breath caught and quickened, and again my chest ached with that relentless fire. I gripped it tightly, my fingers pressing into my skin in a futile attempt to dull the pain.

"_I—I have to call Australia—something's happened!"_

"_Bella! It's Kel, she was in a car accident and they're saying she's not going to make it!"_

Car accident? But I didn't remember a car accident. At least, not one that Kel was in.

I brought my hands to my forehead, pressing my rigid fingers into my skin, trying to decipher nightmares into reality as they ebbed and flowed through my memory.

It was Edward who had been in an accident. I saw it with my own eyes.

I had seen Edward's car a twisted ruin. I saw him lying on the side of the road, his face and hair covered in blood. Just as I continued to see it now, flashing behind my closed eyes, so vivid, so real; Edward Pale and lifeless.

Edward…

"_EDWARD!" Alice cried out; her voice slicing through the still night, full of heart wrenching fear that brought me to my knees. I dropped to the side of my Jeep, shaking, trying desperately to hold on to the thin fabric of my consciousness._

My eyes flew open. I drew in a sharp breath, shaking my head with a sudden terrible panic. I was at the prom tonight with Edward—I could still smell him on me!

"Oh God—no!" I cried out in sudden alarm, hearing my anguished voice reverberate around the bathroom continuously, becoming part of the nightmare that I was unsure how to wake up from

"_Bells…" Nummi whispered through the phone, "they turned off the life support machines. He's gone. Edward's gone."_

My breath caught, my heart started galloping.

"_EDWARD!_" I cried out with immediate panic—my tone seeped with it. I couldn't breathe."Edward…"

Alice gripped my arms. "Bella, it's okay. It's okay, Edward's here—_EDWARD_!"

"Was it Edward too? Please tell me! Please tell me it's not true!" I pleaded with her desperately, gasping for air as the panic squeezed relentlessly at my chest.

Still the images continued to invade my vision.

_I watched from the distance where my car was, unable to look away, unable to take a breath. My eyes followed Jazz as he held Alice protectively in his arms, walking her over to where Edward was lying. She clung to him, and even from where I stood, I could see how violently she was shaking. When they reached where Edward was lying on the damp bitumen of the road, he released her from his arms and slowly she bent down beside him._

No! I was at the prom with Edward tonight!

The ache in my chest intensified, clenching tighter while tears continued to stream endlessly down my face, paralysing me with a deep dark helplessness. The image of Edward lying on a hospital bed, motionless and deathly pale continued to assault my mind. I felt my knees buckle and I fell to the floor, shaking my head over and over again. I Called his name, again and again, repeatedly; hearing my voice as though it was a memory; an echo.

And then he was there with me. He pulled me against him, engulfing me in his arms. I caught the very real smell of him and clung steadfast to it for my very life. Grabbing fistfulls of his shirt, I pulled him to me, burying my face into his chest.

"I'm here, Bella! I'm here!" I heard his voice as it vibrated from within him, full of dismay.

I pulled back and found myself staring into his burning green eyes.

"I'm here, Bella," he repeated, the tone of his voice softening.

I just stared at him, inhaling sharply into my burning lungs over and over as I struggled to take an even breath.

"Edward?" I whispered after a moment.

He nodded and reached out tentatively to wipe my tears with the back of his hand. "It's me, Bella. I'm here."

I reached out and placed a trembling hand on his cheek as another onslaught of sobs choked from me. "Edward! You were in a car accident! They switched off your life support!"

His forehead began to furrow; he shook his head back and forth. "That wasn't me, sweetheart," his voice was calm and soothing, but it was laced with guilt.

Edward had kissed me so passionately in the gazebo; I could almost feel my lips tingling with the sensation of it.

I only shook my head again. Was I losing touch with reality? "Was it a dream? Was the prom a dream?" I stared up at him, losing what was left of my equanimity in his eyes as I pleaded with him.

He shook his head again, his forehead creasing deeper while a small sad smile formed on his lips. "No, it wasn't, honey. You're not dreaming. I…" his voice trailed off and he broke my gaze.

I was unable to shed the image of Edward lying bloodied and lifeless on the road from my thoughts. I clung to him again with trembling arms, anxiously; not knowing whether he was really here with me or whether he was a figment of my imagination.

I closed my eyes and endured the echoes of memories that I had tried to deny for so long.

"_Bella, they're saying we should expect the worst."_

Rach's voice, bleak and despondent. I jolted and then immediately calmed with realisation.

"Kel's ... really gone," I said, my voice a flat whisper.

"_Bells ..." Nummi spoke with broken dismay through the phone. "They turned off the life support machines. She's gone. Kel's gone."_

Kel was gone.

"She's gone!" I repeated, my voice breaking as an explosion of pain cemented the reality further. I cried freely, finally understanding.

Edward was here, and Kel was gone.

I felt myself being pulled against Edward's chest. I lay in his arms broken and limp, sobbing breathlessly. I was finally seeing the truth as the images again flooded my mind. Kel, her smiling face, one of the three pieces that made up my heart, gone. It wasn't Edward on the side of the road dying, it was Kel. It had always been Kel.

"Edward, we have to call mom and Carlisle. She's in shock."

_There was a knock on the door. I sighed and pulled myself lazily off the couch, not bothering to mute the television. There was no need to pretend no one was home; I knew who was knocking by the familiar sound of it._

_I opened the door with resignation. Kel stood before me staring back at me with that never-ending look of burdened pain written into her features. It was always the same expression whenever she looked at me these days._

"_Bells, you weren't at school again today." She sighed._

_I shook my head and shrugged nonchalantly. "Nup."_

"_Why, Bells?" she pleaded with me. She wasn't asking me about school, we both knew it. What she was asking, though, I had no reasoning for, and it seriously pissed me off._

"_Because I couldn't be fucked!" I retorted hotly._

_She just stared at me while the pain behind her eyes intensified. I looked stubbornly away. That bloody look of hers always burned straight to my soul. I couldn't stand it._

"_I hate this," she said softly with conviction creasing at her brow. "I hate what you're becoming—what she's doing to you!"_

"_What is she doing to me?" I asked scoffing sarcastically, folding my arms across my chest._

"_Well for one thing—that!" She pointed stubbornly at my fading black eye._

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm sorry I put you through all that," Edward whispered to me. The guilt was still behind every syllable that he spoke, but I only held steadfast to his voice. If I could hear him so clearly he had to be here.

I pushed again back into my memories, searching desperately for Kel's voice. It was a voice I knew better than any other. Hers was always the voice of reason; the only voice that was able to sooth, comfort and inevitably calm me in the wake of Renee's poison.

A voice I would never hear again.

"_I told you how I got that?" I replied defiantly._

"_That's bullshit, Bella, and you know it!" Her voice immediately rose with a frustrated anger. "Why the hell would you protect her?"_

"_I'm not protecting anyone!" I declared defiantly, while my face immediately flashed with the heat of my deception._

"_Oh yes you are, and better still you are becoming the very thing you swore you wouldn't!"_

"_Maybe I just don't give a fuck any more, Kel! Did you ever think of that?" I yelled back at her, my voice breaking with sudden emotion. I buried my face in my hands just as tears began spilling down my cheeks._

"_Bells—bloody hell!" Kel whispered, pulling me into her arms. "We're going to do something about this. I promise we will."_

"Edward ... she's really gone." I sobbed into his chest.

I was beginning to feel an emptiness creep over me. Even the burning ache that had buried itself deep within my chest began to fade. But I felt his arms enfold tightly around me. I felt the rhythmic hammering of his heart gently against my cheek. And I felt the violent shaking within me dissipate as a black blanket of consciousness drifted over me.

I heard voices; voices I knew. Uncle Billy, Jacob, Esme, Rosalie and even Carlisle, but they sounded muffled and echoed as though I was hearing them from under water. The things they spoke didn't make much sense to me either. It was as though they were speaking in a language that I was just beyond the cusp of understanding. And everything that was spoken to me was so immersed in concern that it threatened to bring the ache back to the surface again.

The only time I felt a calming warmth was from Edward's embrace, but after a while he disappeared, and I began to grow panicked and confused; again finding myself lost, unable to discern reality from nightmares.

Then Carlisle was before me, peering down at me with a warm smile on his lips as lines of concern creased his forehead.

A bright light suddenly blinded my vision; I shrank away from it instinctively.

_[Ten years old]_

"_Isabella Swan, get your useless arse in this car right this minute!" Renee yelled drunkenly from the driver's seat as I stood stock-still, caught like a deer in the headlights of her car._

_I immediately began shaking._

"_I'm sorry, Renee!" I pleaded with her, bursting into tears. It was futile; I held the evidence of her anger right there in my hands before her; a bag of hot chips that I'd bought by stealing money from her purse._

"_You're going to be sorry. How dare you steal from me, you fucking little bitch. I'm going to flog you within an inch of your life!"_

"_I bought them for her, Mrs Dwyer!" Kel spoke up, her voice trembling nervously, but she stood her ground bravely._

_Renee staggered drunkenly from her car and grabbed my ear roughly, pulling me toward her._ "_Is that true, you thieving little piece of shit?" Renee whispered to me through clenched teeth, her breath seeped with the stale smell of alcohol._

_I cringed away and began to tremble more violently. "Y-yes."_

_I heard the blow before I felt it as it rang first through my ears._

_She began dragging me toward the car, still gripping my ear, while I stumbled clumsily and dazed, trying to stay on my feet._

"_You let her go!" Kel lunged forward and began pummelling Renee with her fists._

"Bella, you're in shock. I'm going to give you something that will make you feel much better, and will help you sleep," Carlisle's voice spoke softly to me. I looked into his sharp blue eyes and felt myself calm. There was something so compassionate and protective about him; he almost reminded me of Uncle Billy.

I felt a stinging pain in my arm. I flinched.

_Renee gripped her hand to my arm, her fingernails all but piercing my skin as she dragged me through the house, roughly, knocking me into the furniture in her angry haste to get me to my bedroom._

_As soon as she reached my room, she threw me on the floor. I scrambled onto my bed, just as she unleashed her wrath on me. Curling myself into a ball, I hugged my teddy bear to my chest, trying in futile vain to protect myself from her erratic, intoxicated blows._

_After what seemed like an eternity, they stopped. I just lay whimpering quietly, knowing if Renee heard me whinging it would incense her into more of a belting._

"_You're nothing but a useless mistake. You should have been flushed down the toilet when I had the chance," she spat at me hatefully, before yanking my teddy bear from my arms. "You can kiss Daddy's little gift goodbye too."_

"_No—Edward!" I cried. "Please, Renee—please don't!" I begged her, falling off my bed and landing at her feet._

_Her lips curled into a cruel sneer. "Watch me."_

_She turned on her heel and walked back into the lounge room, then coldly threw my teddy bear into the crackling fire. He immediately burst into flames, turning the fire a brilliant ice blue as he began burning._

"_NO!" I screamed, throwing myself to my knees sobbing uncontrollably, and trying in vain to jump into the fire to retrieve him, but Renee held me back. Not to protect me from getting burnt, but so I could watch my beloved bear, the one The General had sent me for Christmas when I was five, burn slowly and turn to ashes in the fire._

_I cried pitifully, not feeling anything as Renee dragged me back to my bedroom by the scruff of my neck, my feet barely touching the ground. She threw me roughly onto my bed; my head hit the timber head board, heavily. I didn't react to it; I just scrambled to the furthest part of my bed and hugged my knees to my chest._

"_You stay in here. If I see you for the rest of the night, I'll kill you. Do you hear me?" she roared, consumed by the alcohol twisted hatred for me._

_I nodded my head hastily, trying to quiet the gasping of my sobs. "Y-yes."_

_She left, slamming my bedroom door, leaving me to cry a river of silent tears as I hugged my pillow helplessly to myself._

_I wasn't sure how long I had been lying on my bed in the dark, when I heard a soft rapping at my window. I sat up quickly and wiped my eyes with the back of my sleeve. A crushing relief consumed me from within. It was Kel; though, I always knew she'd come. She always did whenever Renee got drunk enough that she turned her resentment on me._

_I jumped up and opened the window, bursting into a fresh torrent of tears by the sheer look of panic shining in her eyes. "Bells, are you okay? Did she hurt you?"_

"_S-she threw Edward in the fireplace," I whispered, closing my eyes as my face crumbled further._

"_Oh, Bells." She sighed deeply, pulling up the window higher and reaching out to help me as I clambered through._

_I climbed down shakily as Kel wrapped her arm over my shoulder and guided me to the bottom. There was no chance Renee would notice me gone; she never checked on me. Not that she'd care if she found me missing, anyway._

_With her arm securely over my shoulder, Kel and I ran like thieves in the night all the way home. To the only real home I had; hers._

After only a short while, the veil of incoherency that had enveloped me began to lift, only to be replaced by a heavy exhaustion. I became vaguely aware that I was lying on Alice's bed while she and Jazz lay beside me. Alice was talking to me softly, though her words drifted in and out of my consciousness and were never fully perceived. I was still comforted by her presence and the resonance of her tone.

Every so often I would catch glimpses of Uncle Billy and Jacob as they walked past the door. Jake peeked in a few times and the expression defining his face alarmed me. It wasn't until these moments that the crashing reality of Kel's death would hit me again, threatening to drown me in grief.

"Where's Edward," I asked Alice shakily.

I hadn't seen Edward for a while and the absence of him had made me grow cold.

She opened her mouth to reply just as I caught sight of him walking past the open door. There was an angry sort of determination clouding his expression. Esme walked past just after him and it was then that I caught Edward's voice rising in a tone that I'd never heard before.

"It's not up for discussion, mom!"

"Edward, be reasonable, please," Esme spoke seriously.

"I'm not the one being _unreasonable_. You're treating me like a freaking child!"

"I appreciate that you care very deeply for Bella, but you are still recovering from a very serious accident."

"I've recovered. Don't use that against me," his voice lowered, becoming almost a growl.

"It's not going to happen, Edward." Esme's usually warm voice hardened and rose sternly.

"I'd like to see you stop me."

Releasing my breath, I rolled onto my back and ran my fingertips across my forehead, attempting to clear my mind clear of all confusion. Everything I heard still had the implication of an echoed memory, but the suggestion behind Edward's conversation with his mother worried me.

I turned to Alice. It was obvious that she had been listening as well; her expression was furrowed. She reached up to chew on her nails before she turned to meet my gaze and smiled warmly. The expression she'd worn a moment ago was instantly erased.

I wanted to ask what Edward was arguing with his mother about but my eyelids were becoming so heavy that it was taking all my energy to keep them open, and my thoughts were so clouded that I was beginning to doubt that I'd properly grasped the undertone of their conversation.

I closed my eyes, succumbing to the exhaustion.

"Sleep, Bella," Alice's voice was the last thing I heard. I tried to hang on to it as it floated through my mind, but eventually it faded away.

_[Sixteen years old]_

_As I sat in the back seat—trying to keep my breathing to a bare minimum to prevent myself from being knocked backwards by the stench of alcohol that all three of them were exhaling into the small closed cabin of the car—I began to realise the brashness of my decision. A decision to leave a party, and my friends, and accept a ride home by three drunk men. Each one of them was at least three years older than I was, and each one of them was a complete stranger._

_On one side of me was the heavyset one with bleary, blood shot eyes. He kept trying to snake his arm over my shoulder, despite the amount of times I'd blatantly inched away from him—into the path of the one on the other side of me; the quiet scowling one. I squirmed in my seat, trying to establish a medium, non-contact zone between the two of them._

"_So, love, where do ya live again?" the driver, who had already told me his name was Darryl—though I could call him Daz—asked me as he glanced—his eyes leering at me—through the rear vision mirror._

_I cleared my throat and thought quickly. I wasn't about to give them my real address, even though the idea struck me as potentially useful in the event that they did turn out to be murdering rapists. All I'd have to do was wait for Renee to get home and let her intercept. She'd take great satisfaction in even being raped and murdered in preference to me._

"_Um ... just drop me off up here at the pub. I live close by," I answered quietly._

"_Good thinkin, gorgeous. Wanna party a bit more with just us, do ya?" the big one slurred drunkenly, leaning close to me. His breath rushed in my ear, and I openly cringed._

"_No, I really have to get home, actually." And there was no way under the stars I was taking three males into the pub where my mother worked._

_Daz pulled his car right up to the front of the pub and my heart lodged in my throat. Then to make matters worse, Mr Dark and Frosty grabbed my hand tightly in his huge, sweaty grip._

"_Come on, love, just a few beers, huh? You look like you could be a bit of a wild cat."_

"_I-I can't. Look just let me go—I never said I'd go drinking with you wankers!" I burst angrily, though the tremor in my voice immediately undermined any confidence I wanted to hang on to._

_Daz only chuckled, pulled me from the scowling guy, and walked into the pub as I struggled in vain the entire way. "Just one drink, then we'll drive you home—I promise."_

"_Forget it, I'll walk home from here," I demanded stubbornly and a little desperately; anxious to leave before my mother spotted me._

_Pulling my hand free, I turned to leave and found myself confronted by Renee's cold hard, stare._

_I immediately froze._

_She pulled the swinging bench top back and made her way over to the three men. She took her note pad from her apron, her steps slow, calculating and intimidating; her eyes not once deviated from mine._

"_What will it be, boys?" she finally broke her gaze from mine and turned to the guys, speaking in the high, provocative tone that she used for work._

"_Three schooners, love," Darryl spoke up for them all._

_Renee placed her pencil behind her ear then leaned her elbows on the bar-height table, taking advantage of the best angle to deliberately reveal her cleavage._

"_Listen, boys, if you want a little action tonight," she paused to grab my jaw with her hand, her thumb and middle finger pressing roughly into the tender skin of my cheeks, "this frigid, prick teasing little bitch really isn't your best option."_

_In a rare display of angry defiance, I pulled my face from Renee's grasp and glared at her, feeling my entire face boil with hatred._

_She grabbed my arm, turning back to them with one of her sickeningly fake pretences of being an up standing citizen of the town. "I'll get your beers for you in one minute, boys. I just need to sort out this _child_."_

_She dragged me into the women's toilets, let go of my arm, and rounded on me furiously. "Haven't I told you never to come in here when I'm working, you fucking little whore?"_

"_They dragged me in here," I spoke in my defence quietly, dropping my gaze from hers and bowing my head; all but shrinking away from her._

_She snorted._

"_You filthy little bitch, you brought them in here to throw them in my face—didn't you?" she demanded, her voice dropping low and more threatening._

_I shook my head anxiously, feeling my heart momentarily stall. "I-I didn't."_

"_Leave now, and let me just tell you this once. Do not even consider coming home tonight—or I'll set the dogs on you!" she spoke so lowly that her words became all but a seething murmur. Then, continuing to glare at me, her face twisting with resentment, she shoved me towards the door._

_I ran clumsily out of the toilet and out of the pub—ignoring the three drunken wankers as they eyed me curiously—and kept going—not slowing down until it was all well behind me. I eventually stopped, sobbing bitterly while pitifully trying to catch my breath. I turned my face to the stars, allowing the tears to run freely down my cheeks, before taking a drawn out miserable breath. I could feel the toxic tentacles of hatred toward my mother spread out and consume me. I balled my hands into fists, my muscles shaking with fury, my tears turning angry. I wanted with a desperate urge to lash out at something, make it feel as shitty as I did. But all too soon, and predictably, it dissipated into a hollow, numb emptiness._

_I walked aimlessly for a few more metres then stopped; I didn't know where to go. Obviously I couldn't go to Renee's, and the girls were no doubt still at the party I'd ditched._

_I really did need to buy the mobile that Kel had hassled me numerously to get, but I knew if Renee found it she'd know I had money. And if she found out I was getting money from The General all hell would break loose._

_I turned around and almost subconsciously walked in the direction of Kel's house. I knew they probably wouldn't be back from the party for a while yet, so I decided I'd hang out in the barn until they did. Of course Kel's mum would gladly invite me inside if she knew, but her attempts to mother me in the very real absence of my own always upset me. Besides, I hated to burden her with my shit._

_I had not walked ten metres when a car pulled to a stop noisily in the gravel beside me. I jumped in alarm, my eyes meeting with Kel's oldest brother, Chris._

"_Jesus Christ, Bella, where did you go? The girls have been looking for you the past hour, fucking freaking out!" He kicked open the passenger side door, shaking his head with aggravation. "Get in." He huffed._

_I climbed in and sat ashamedly with my fists clasped in my lap. Chris pulled away from the curb, pulling his mobile from his pocket as he did._

"_Yeah, Kel, she's with me. I'm taking her home." Then, throwing his phone in the glove box, he glanced at me, a scowl on his face, before he turned his eyes to the road._

_Kel's mum gushed over me with stern relief while her eyes shone with their usual impression of pity and concern whenever they were turned in my direction._

"_Go and wait in Kel's room, darling. They'll be here soon," she said tenderly to me after she'd released me from the impulsive hug—that had been the immediate result of her noticing my, no doubt, newly bruised, tear streaked face._

_I only nodded and walked hastily towards Kel's bedroom becoming choked with a burning emotion that I refused to allow Kel's mum to notice. The last time I'd cried in front of her, she cried right along with me, and I vowed never to let that happen again; never to contaminate others with Renee's poison._

_When the girls finally arrived and entered the room, Kel walked straight past me. Her jaw was set angrily, her expression an assortment of emotion; pissed off being the most prominent._

"_I can't even look at you right now, Bella," she said lowly, her voice trembling with anger. She walked into the adjoining bathroom and slammed the door shut._

_Rach strode over to me, placed her hands on her hips, and frowned darkly down at me as I sat dejectedly, my head bowed remorsefully; unable to meet her gaze._

"_What the fuck were you thinking?" she demanded. I glanced meekly up at her, she looked so angry that I thought for a moment she might slap me._

"_I wasn't," I admitted quietly._

_I turned my eyes in Nummi's direction. She was sitting in Kel's rocking chair, with it angled away from me, gripping the arms of it so tightly that her knuckles were turning white. When she noticed my eyes on her she averted her attention further away, her lips pressing tightly together as angry heat spread to flush her face._

"_Do you have any idea what we went through tonight thinking you were lying in a ditch somewhere DEAD?" Rach's voice rose even higher, snapping my attention back to her as my eyes welled with shameful tears. But I preferred her anger; Kel and Nummi's silence spoke volumes more._

"_I'm sorry," I whispered._

_There was a crashing sound that came from behind the bathroom door. It made me jump. It sounded like Kel had thrown everything off the sink onto the floor._

_With a brash huff, Rach grabbed my wrist and hauled me off the bed. She proceeded to drag me into the bathroom, stopping short in front of the mirror, but my eyes only sought Kel. She was sitting on the edge of the bath, her face clouded, fuming. I stared fixedly at her, my eyes pleading with her to forgive me, but she refused to meet them._

"_Take a look at yourself, Bella," Rach demanded, snapping my thoughts back to her._

_I timidly looked up and met her gaze through the mirror; her scowl deepened._

"_Not at me—at you. See what it is that you have become!"_

_Reluctantly, I looked up and caught my own gaze. I found myself staring at the person reflected there. My cheeks, that Renee had gripped in her hand that night, had already started to bruise, but it wasn't that that made the tears spill pitifully down my face. It was my eyes. They had become blank, dead ... empty. I continued to stare, almost hypnotised by the stranger that stared back, until the pain of it became too much to bear._

_I burst into bitter tears. "I'm sorry, guys. I'm so sorry!"_

"_Bella," Rach began, her tone softening as she reached out, placed her hand on my shoulder and turned me to face her. "You have choices. You don't have to shut off and die—you don't."_

_I shook my head, feeling defeated and helpless. "I-I don't know what I'm supposed to do."_

_Kel was before me; she was staring at me, her eyes swimming with that all too familiar burden. "I know what she does to you, Bella—we all do, but this road you're going down ... I can't follow you. If you're hell bent on destroying yourself, you'll have to do it on your own."_

_With a quickened thud of my heart, my tears instantly ceased. I looked up squarely into Kel's clear, sky blue eyes and knew she was right. I had let myself get to this point—I had let Renee drive me to this point. I lowered my eyes unable to hold her gaze, or look at Rach and Nummi a moment longer. I felt overwhelmed by an incredible sense of shame._

"_How did I get here?" I whispered. It was spoken aloud but it was a question that had been gnawing at me, deep within my heart for a while now. The motivation behind all the stupid reckless things I had been doing over the last several months had not escaped my consciousness. I knew what I was doing; I had just stopped caring why I was doing them. I had inevitably lost hope. Even with Kel, Nummi and Rach on my side, _she_ had still won._

_I took a long, wavering breath and bowed my head. It was a bitter realisation. I looked back up at them. "Will you guys please help me? I can't do it any more and I need you."_

"_Of course we will, Bells." It was Nummi this time. She pulled me tightly into her arms, her voice thick and breaking with conviction._

_Again I broke down, crying wretchedly. I wasn't alone in it though; I never had been. The girls were right alongside me. I had lost sight of them for a while, but I vowed never to again._

"Here, Bella, let me take that for you," Edward spoke tenderly, reaching over to take the suitcase from my grip. With his other hand, he wrapped it gently around my shoulders, pulling me close to him.

For the briefest of moments I allowed myself to relax into the intimate warmth of Edward's arms, sighing into his chest and inhaling back the scent of his aftershave. A smile ghosted on my lips before it disappeared into the dark depths of my crushing grief and guilt. I squeezed my eyes shut and pushed my face further into Edward, praying for the comfort that I was sure I would feel from him, but I found nothing. As the ache continued to rage its war through me, all I knew was that Kel was gone and my sense of significance had gone with her.

Who was I without her? It was because of her that I stood now in the arms of Edward, on the other side of the world, having found, for the first time in my life, a sense of peace and belonging.

But now...

_What was the point of any of it? _I found myself wanting to scream out. Instead I swallowed past it and willed myself to find the blissful escape that I'd found in Edward just a couple of nights back.

Again, nothing. Just Edward's heartbeat, constant and familiar, and the feel of his lips pressing to the top of my head and pausing, his breath washing over me as he exhaled. It all evoked a hollow emptiness from me that confused me, making me want to cling to him all the more. Cling to Alice, to Jake...

The tears eventually won out, spilling down my face, no doubt streaking through the press powder that Alice had applied that morning, and dampening Edward's shirt. He only tightened his grip around me, dropping his head to murmur in my ear, a whisper wrapped in an echo that connected with me a moment later. Two simple but undeniably heartbreaking words.

"I'm here."

Edward _was_ here for me, so was Nummi, Rach, Alice, and Jake, but where was I when Kel needed me?

Pushing back my tears with a sudden wave of stubborn frustration, I raised my head from Edward's chest, and for the first time took notice of my surroundings. We were in the airport terminal at Los Angeles. People walked busily past in all directions going about their lives while Edward walked me slowly to check in, that would take me back to Australia. Back to the nightmare, I thought I'd never escape, to a new and more horrifying one.

Edward checked my suitcase as I handed my ticket to the travel agent, my hands beginning to tremble uncontrollably.

I was really going back.

_[Seventeen years old]_

_I'd missed another day of school. It really wasn't intentional this time. Renee got drunk and I fled the house, hiding outside while she searched for me with her flashlight, screaming out her intentions if she caught sight of me. I'd learnt early on where to hide and where to remain until she was passed out long enough for me to safely climb back through my bedroom window; passed out long enough where her threats of a beating could no longer harm me. There was never any retribution for me, not when she drank. Not while the alcohol continued to fuel her resentment, twisting it to hatred and poisoning what little reasoning she had left towards me. It was all justifiable to her, all of it, and I stood little chance of defending myself in her wrath._

_It was around 4 am when she finally fell quiet; I crept back inside finding her passed out on the bathroom floor. When I woke that morning around eleven she was gone. It was too early for her to be at work, so I guessed she had gone to play bridge with her friends, and continue to maintain her reputation of being a long-suffering single mother to a selfish teenager. Either that or she had gone out with Phil, the lecherous new man in her life._

_When Renee wasn't drunk and attempting to beat the crap out of me, she spent her time either flat out ignoring me, or making snide comments that covertly dragged me and The General through the mud. Instilling a good sense of self-worth in her daughter was only for the rare occasions when she actually brought someone into the house. Of course it was never heartfelt or sincere and it made me, ironically, long for her emotional abuse, like the masochist that I was. I'd learnt to deal with—even understand—that, but the facade that she put on for the benefit of her few ignorant friends? That was a different matter entirely. It gave me a false sense of hope and longing, because if she could pretend so convincingly, I had to believe that maybe deep down she really did love me._

_It was more detrimental to me than all her beatings combined._

_I was working on my English assignment on Othello, not realising, as my thoughts probed back to Renee, that I had been pressing into my note pad with so much pressure that my pen went through several layers of paper. I stood up abruptly and paced the room, crossing my arms tightly across my chest, silently fuming. I knew I had to clear her from my thoughts or I'd find myself being again consumed by the very same anger that had threatened to take everything I cared about from me. I'd promised the girls that I was no longer going to embark on any more reckless crusades—and that extended to jigging school. I was, regardless of the circumstances, racked with guilt about missing today, and I allowed this emotion to quell my anger._

_I refused to allow Renee to ruin my life. I refused to be tainted by her influence. Not any more!_

_Inevitably and right on 3:30 that afternoon, Kel's familiar knock brought a smile to my lips for the first time that day. I jumped up off the tatty sofa that Renee had owned as far back as I could remember, and opened the front door. Kel stood before me with traces of disappointment working into her warm, welcoming grin._

_I flashed her a sheepish smile, deciding against an explanation, but she was already dubiously eyeing the scratches covering my arms. Scratches that were the result of running through the bushes in the dark the previous night in my efforts to evade Renee._

"_You spent the night outside again, didn't you!" It was a statement, accompanied by a weary sigh._

_I nodded abashedly, rubbing my forehead in a futile attempt to hide the shame that shone in my face._

"_Bells..." she complained with a trace of exasperation, "why didn't you come to my place?"_

"_Because, you can't rescue me all the time, Kel. I have to learn to deal with it—with her." I dropped my voice, my eyes breaking contact with hers. I was kidding myself and she was only too aware of it._

"_You shouldn't have to learn to deal with anything," she said softly, before she shook her head quickly and her jaded expression gave way to a sudden bright smile. She reached out and grabbed my hand, pulling me through the open door. "Come on, we're hanging at Num's this arvo."_

_I soon learnt the motive behind what 'hanging at Num's meant._

_As soon as I walked into Nummi's bedroom and caught sight of their serious, determined expressions, my heart thumped heavily with a sudden sense of foreboding._

_Kel was the spokesperson. It stood to reason; she was the calmest, the most articulate. _"_Bells, we all think it's time you told The General about what's been happening?"_

_I shifted uncomfortably in Nummi's beanbag before slamming the glass of coke—that Nummi had given me a few moments before to reassure me—with a little too much aggravation on the timber floor beside me._ "_Tell him what, exactly?" I demanded._

"_Are you fucking serious, Bella? You protect that bitch like..." Rach fumed, but her words died just as suddenly. She turned away from me in a huff and folded her arms across her chest._

"_I don't protect her," I insisted meekly. "And, what would telling The General achieve?"_

"_It would get you the hell away from her before she kills you!" Nummi spoke up, her face blazing passionately._

"_Sh-She only hits me when she's drunk, and only when she can catch me—and that's hardly ever these days." Even as I spoke these words, I knew how pathetic I sounded. I wanted to openly cringe, but I didn't falter. I had become a real convincing little victim that was for sure._

_Kel merely gazed at me, shaking her head with the barest of movement, her forehead creasing slowly with disbelief. "Well thank God for that! I was beginning to worry! Bella, Christ! Can you hear yourself?"_

"_Look, there's nothing my father can do for me, and all he'll do is worry. I can't put that on to him."_

"_Bella, he's your father. He's _supposed_ to worry about you, and it's his _job_ to friggen look after you," Nummi stressed. She ran her hand through her hair, exhaling past her obvious growing frustration._

"_Nummi..." I whispered guiltily, but let it go. I had no words to express how I felt. I wanted to tell her not to worry about me, but I didn't know how to when she so clearly did._

"_Bells, please," she whispered, her tone suddenly pleading as tears welled in her eyes._

_I felt it then, it hit me in the chest with the force of a blow. They wanted me to leave—that's what this was about. I shook my head to protest, but Kel quickly interjected._

"_Bella, we aren't enough any more, and she'll—we can't watch her do it to you any more. Because every day we have to watch a piece of you die!" her voice rose adamantly, before it broke with emotion. She turned away and hastily swatted the tears as they slipped down her cheeks._

_I lunged to my feet in an instant, shaking my head anxiously as my heart began a tirade of panic. "You want me to leave? I can't—you're all that I have!"_

"_Bella!" Rach spoke up again firmly, her voice quivering ever so slightly, betraying her intention. "You _have_ to do this."_

_I only shook my head back and forth, not absorbing anything but the undeniable panic that the prospect of leaving them behind caused me. _

_There had to be another way!_

"_You're dying here, Bells, and we can't stop it from happening any more." Kel was openly sobbing now, speaking through it stubbornly, her voice conveying both her heartbreak and her conviction. She opened her mouth to continue but her voice failed her completely._

"_Bells, we don't want to see you fall apart to a point where we can't put you back together again," Nummi added, her voice thick with the tears that she tenaciously fought off._

"_No. I-I can't. I won't leave!" I choked back the first strangled sob that worked its way to my throat._

_Kel placed both her hands on my arms, inhaled back her tears and locked her eyes with mine resolutely. "Bella, you're going to do this. You can't survive here any more. You know it. You know what you have to do. Please!"_

_I continued to shake my head, desperately, but her pleading, anguished stare threatened to break all my resistance. I broke her gaze, fighting back the tears to the point that my breaths were coming out in gasps. "I-In a few years I can move away—we all can!"_

"_You don't have a few years, Bells," Kel whispered sadly, filling me with resignation._

_From behind, Nummi wrapped her arms around me, hugging me to her. That's all it took. My head dropped defeated to my hands as I broke down into helpless, heart wrenching tears._

_I knew they were right, but how could I live without them?_

_I pulled Kel and Rach to me, clinging to them, my entire body convulsing with sobs that were tearing into my heart. It was a pain so raw and real that even during my seventeen years with Renee I had never experienced it before._

_My heart was breaking._

I woke with a start. I'd been dozing, but I was unaware for how long. Blinking slowly, I squinted, trying to focus my eyes and rid my thoughts of the foggy confusion of sleep.

Alice was curled up by the window seat seemingly fast asleep. Her arm was bent at an awkward angle, clasped to mine. I released it, and she mumbled something unintelligible and repositioned herself.

My thoughts then focused to the second hand that clutched mine. My breathing stilled. It was large, masculine, but soft. I trailed my eyes along the length of the arm, finding the little golden hairs somehow fascinating—mesmerising. My eyes continued past the rolled up sleeve at the elbow, along the broad width of the shoulder, until finally, I raised my head slowly to meet the all-consuming gaze of Edward, and my heart thudded to a skidding halt.

"You're here," I whispered, feeling myself becoming choked up by the very sight of him, sitting there beside me.

I thought I'd been dreaming!

He squeezed my hand gently before his mouth curved into a tender but sad smile. "Of course I'm here. Where else would I be?"

I returned his smile, but I couldn't maintain it. It was as fleeting as the warmth in my heart. He continued to gaze at me, his eyes sparking with the tenderness of his concern and that all-encompassing intensity as I searched their depths, searching for a peace that I knew he could give me, but it was a peace I didn't deserve.

Impulsively, my body continued to react to him. I felt the heat flush at my cheeks, and my pulse accelerate—all the physical manifestations from being close to Edward were still present. My desire for him was still undeniable.

With my other hand I reached for him instinctively, and he took me into his arms. I released my breath into a long weary sigh and closed my eyes, laying my head against his chest. I still found no comfort. Amongst the stirrings of a newly discovered longing, the pain in my chest continued to wage its war within me.

Kel was gone.

Fifteen hours in the air seemed like an incredibly short amount of time when it was taking me to the one place on the planet that I was dreading to return to; a place I had already said my goodbyes to. I hadn't planned on returning until I'd become a person that could hold my head up proudly, without regret or grievances. I had left, determined to succeed in the shadow of my mother, to make the guys proud of me. But it all meant nothing now; every part of it. I was going back to bury my best friend; to say my final goodbyes, and to face my final betrayal.

I'd let her die without me.

* * *

**A/N: :( This was so hard to write…**


	30. Bella's Past

**A/N: Yeah, we speak like total bogans...**

* * *

**Chapter 29**

**Bella's Past**

**Edward's POV**

The night before we left the U.S. we arranged to meet with Rach and Nummi at Sydney airport; who were then going to accompany us to Rocherrie, Bella's home town, via train.

And now, as we stepped into the terminal, Alice noticed them first, alerting me with a nudge of her elbow. I hadn't been looking out for them, or anyone. I was near freaking unconscious from being so jet-lagged, while any remaining energy I had left was spent on trying to keep Bella on her feet. She looked absolutely, gut wrenchingly fucking shredded. I was familiar with grief, but Bella's ... I don't know... She appeared to be drowning, and it was having an immediate effect on me that I didn't like.

I did not like feeling so fucking helpless.

When I finally caught sight of the two girls standing apart from the crowds, I knew immediately who they were. They were dressed like Bella did when she first arrived in Forks—as if they were going on a cattle drive. It made me break into an involuntary smile. Bella had stuck out like a sore thumb in the beginning—even in bum-fuck Forks—that I wondered if I would have paid any attention to her if she had fit in.

If I was being brutally honest, I probably _would_ have tried to get into her pants just to piss of her cousin, but Bella had seen me coming from a mile away. Exactly like these girls were now, they're expressions a mixture of suspicion and curiosity.

I knew that look well; only with Bella there had been a shit ton of hostility with it.

For a moment they only stood sizing me up, until Bella noticed them. She immediately froze, tensing as her breath caught in the back of her throat. This is when their expressions changed; changed to that same fucked up look of grief that Bella was struggling with.

I removed my arm from around her, and in the next moment all three of them were hugging and crying, while fumbling to greet one another. It made me feel like Alice and I were intruding on something too personal, and for a moment I dropped my gaze to the ground, releasing my breath as I did.

It was good that Bella was crying. She hadn't done enough of it, but at the same time I knew it wasn't all that she was feeling.

She was also being ripped apart by guilt.

My thoughts probed back to the night after prom, just after Bella had received Nummi's phone call. To say she was fucked up was an understatement, but more than anything, it was guilt that had immediately grabbed hold of her.

"I should have gone back straight away, Edward! I should have gone!" she'd yelled at me, completely fucking distraught, pounding against my chest as tears flowed in rivers down her face.

I'd tried to calm her down but she was blinded by grief; devoured by it. Just as she appeared to be now.

Alice took a step closer, before I reached out to prevent the little rat from going further.

"Just give them a moment," I told her quietly, just as I became distracted by an Australian accent that wasn't Bella.

"Say sorry one more bloody time, Bells, and I swear to God!" one of the girls—the shorter of the two, spoke with a feigned, angry affection.

I paused, almost jarred by it. You would have thought I'd have heard another Australian accent by now—other than the Hindu Australian guy at customs—but this was the first time I'd really heard it from someone other than Bella—as corny as that was.

I watched them intently for a moment, which caught the attention of the taller blond one—who could have almost been Rosalie in another universe. Her focused suddenly zeroed in on me and Alice, as a smirk slowly grew across her face.

In response I broke into an awkward kind of smile. She returned it quickly, before physically turning Bella to face us.

"Intros, Bells," she said.

My gaze fell back to Bella, who was pitifully wiping her face dry with her entire shirtsleeve. I felt my lips tug automatically—she was so freaking adorable.

She returned my smile without a pause, but it was obvious it wasn't something she felt. She merely smiled, but it was hollow and drowned out by the pain in her eyes.

"Rach," Bella turned briefly to the tall blonde before turning her gaze to the other—who stood only fractionally shorter than she was, "Nummi, this is Edward and Alice."

Of course freaking Alice embraced them as though she was the one greeting long lost friends on the other side of the world. Nummi returned her enthusiasm, while Rach appeared amused by it, before her scrutinizing, curious gaze fell back on me.

"So ..." she began, when she'd untangled herself from Alice, "_you're _the pen bloke."

I broke into an immediate grin, and turned to Bella. She was smiling to herself, and for the first time in days it was almost genuine.

I turned back to Rach. "That would be me."

She quirked an eyebrow in Bella's direction. "Could it be, Miss Stone Fish, that you have converted?"

Bella's face deepened, and for a moment her smile broadened, before she dropped her eyes to the ground and that seemingly permanent crease drew across her forehead again.

Rach stared at her, her brow pulling together with an emotion that she quickly masked, before she grabbed her hand, pulled her close and wrapped her arm over her shoulder. "You want to grab some lunch or something and vege for a bit? We've got a few hours till the train leaves."

Bella half shrugged, half nodded flatly before she glanced up and met my gaze, her brow shooting up as if she was gauging my reaction. I smiled at her and nodded, and she opened her mouth to speak, but her voice caught in the back of her throat. Attempting to clear it only made her erupt into uncontrollable coughing, and it immediately made me realize that on top of Kel dying and having to endure the hell of twenty hours in the air, Bella was still pretty sick with the flu.

Subconsciously, I took a step in her direction, just as Rach, Alice and Nummi did the same. Bella didn't miss all four of us advancing upon her and it only seemed to immediately piss her off.

"I'm fine!" she spoke hoarsely and a little too sharply, putting both of her hands up to prevent any of us from getting closer. Her face clouded, and I got the impression that she wasn't altogether happy with the fact that she was. "Let's just get something to eat." She sighed, her shoulders falling with it.

We made our way to the terminal lounge. We only had a short period of time before the next part of the trip back to Rocherrie, and I was fucked already. I wasn't really hungry, but I knew eating would give me the energy to prevent my legs from fucking giving way beneath me.

I had to keep reminding myself that just six months before Bella had done this trip on her own. It seemed unfathomable just then, when I was feeling as fucked up with jet lag as I was, but she had. She'd left the only life she'd known and moved ten thousand miles to the other side of the world, and in doing so, it had thrown her and me into each other's trajectory. She'd impacted me in a way that I had never expected—that I'd never even wanted.

We found a cafe that was large enough that we could cram our luggage in with us. Bella sat in between Nummi and Rach, with her shoulders drawn, but there was something else, something not quite as obvious. Her entire expression was almost becoming ... blank.

But then maybe she was just as jetlagged as I was...

"I'll have a salad sandwich, thanks," Nummi spoke, breaking me from my thoughts.

Bella quietly ordered the same, while Rach ordered a coffee and cake after insisting that Alice and I try the Australian classic "meat pie with sauce".

"So, Bells tells us that Forks is freezing cold," Nummi spoke up after the waitress disappeared with our orders.

"It is, but we're used to it. Bella not so much, though." I smiled at her teasingly, and she returned it briefly, before dipping her head to gaze vacantly at her lap.

Rach's eyes flickered in her direction, her expression knotting, before she turned her attention to Alice and me. "Well, since our winter is 'sposed to be like your summer, I hope you two brought your cozies." She raised her brow questioningly.

All I could do was stare dumbfounded back at her, while trying hastily to decipher her meaning.

"I did!" Alice answered with enthusiasm.

Trust the freaking little rat to understand her!

I quickly glanced at Bella and when my eyes met with hers, my heart freaking swelled. She was smiling at me with the barest hint of that ass-owning way of hers.

"Cozies are ... swimmers," she explained to me, her tone light, and her smile inching broader before it once again faded behind the wall she was quite obviously building. I knew it was a defense mechanism for her; you could practically hear the anxiety at being back in Australia screaming within her. I was just worried that while retreating within herself as a mode of protection, she'd shut me out and go back to ignoring me.

Cause, yeah, I was a selfish asshole.

When our food arrived, I squirted the small, four inch in diameter pie with ketchup and then proceeded to cut into it with a knife and fork. In doing so, I had apparently committed a cardinal Australian sin. Nummi straight out scoffed, while Rach watched me with a quirked brow, a small smirk on her lips. But Bella only smiled with full-blown amusement, biting the edge of her lower lip as if she was in contemplation.

In that moment I decided to make it my mission to be a complete and utter ignorant dickhead the whole time I was here if it would make her smile. Of course, it wouldn't be easy while freaking Alice had come out of the closet as a native.

"Edward, my god, you will so get bashed eating it with utensils."

I only dropped my head, resting my brow against my palm, sighing inwardly. If she had said "_bloody hell"_ I would have strangled the little rat.

After an hour or so in the cafe, we reluctantly picked ourselves up and made for the terminal exit and train station.

The first thing I noticed about the early Australian winter—if I was able to tune out freaking Alice's exclamations regarding it—was that it was as warm as the height of Forks' summer. It was a cloudless day and so bright I was practically blinded by it.

"I could so get used to this." Alice put on her sunglasses and tilted her face to the sky.

The weather seemed to go unnoticed by Rach and Nummi, but Bella gazed at the sky as if she was begrudging it.

I leaned down to her. "So if this is your winter, what's your summer like?"

"Forties," she mumbled in reply.

"Fahrenheit...?" I asked her, feigning ignorance to which she immediately smiled, exhaling it shortly through her nose.

Chuckling softly, I took her suitcase gently from her grasp

We headed to the subway to Sydney, and at 1:00pm we bordered the train to take us west into the New South Wales countryside; to Bella's past and her best friend's funeral.

For the first hour, I alternated my attention between the scenery outside the window while keeping an eye on Bella. She had wedged herself between Rach and Nummi as tense as a board. It was also pretty obvious that as soon as the train departed she'd began trembling, and the more her eyes reflected her fear, the more disjointed and angry I became. I felt it coursing through my veins, clenching my hands into fists, and the worst of it was that I had no fucking clue why. Was I pissed because she was hurt? Or was it because I was worried it would fuck things between us again?

Whatever the hell it was I didn't focus on it for too long, because the motion of the train was on the verge of knocking me unconscious. Bella had dozed off—resting her head against Nummi—and Alice beside me was practically snoring. Rach and Nummi both sat in silence, staring for the most part out of the window. It seemed that with the lack of conversation, the reality of everything was catching up with them.

Five minutes later, I gave up the fight and closed my eyes.

What felt like ten minutes actually turned out to be four hours. I was roused awake by Alice, who looked just as uncoordinated as I felt.

"We're the next stop, Edward," she mumbled clumsily, reaching to the over-head luggage compartment to pull down her shoulder bag.

The second I was semi-coherent my attention snapped to Bella. She was awake, her eyes red rimmed and dark as though she'd just woken herself. She still sat between Rach and Nummi, shrinking into herself, looking at least two shades paler. She caught my gaze, and then quickly averted her eyes, pushing her hands stiffly into her lap.

It was pretty obvious she was shaking by this point. In fact, her shoulders quaked as though she was physically cold. I'd seen her react to the temperature in Forks more times than I'd heard her speak, and as much as I wished she was cold just now and nothing more, I knew it was far from the truth.

I shifted to the edge of the seat, almost impulsively, to reach out to her, but before I could, Nummi drew her arm around her shoulders, diverting her attention away. Bella released the air from her lungs into a long drawn out sigh, leaned her head against Nummi's shoulder, and closed her eyes for the barest moment. Her forehead bunched and when she opened her eyes again they were fucking haunted and endless.

She was struggling, and she was fucking losing.

The train slowed, preparing to pull into the station, and we all pulled ourselves to our feet in silence and made our way to the exit.

The station of Rocherrie was a single sided platform that appeared smack bang in the middle of nowhere. Unlike Forks the countryside was bone dry, while the air was warm and smoky—almost hazy. It only added to how fucked up exhausted I was, but as the train pulled back out, it seemed to spook a flock of birds that began making this god awful screeching sound, that snapped the coherency immediately back into me. They were the loudest fucking birds I'd ever heard, making me almost want to cover my ears, while Bella openly jumped, and stumbled against me.

I immediately reached out to steady her, and in doing so, I guess I gripped her too tightly. She flinched, drawing in her breath sharply, reacting to me as though I was burning her. Releasing her instantly, I only gazed down at her, feeling the frown grow across my expression, but feeling fucking helpless.

It wasn't the first time I'd brought out this reaction in her, after all...

"Bells, come on. You have to relax a bit," Rach said quietly to her with a sigh, reaching down to pick up Bella's suitcase that I'd dropped.

Releasing her breath, Bella reached up to press her fingers into the creased skin of her forehead. She seemed locked in some internal debate, and when she eventually looked up at me, her eyes were burning with guilt again. "I'm sorry, Edward. I ... I guess I..." The words faded from her lips, her face darkening. She huffed impatiently before continuing, dropping her voice to practically a whisper, "I just can't believe I'm back here."

My next reaction was pure impulse. I pulled her—probably too roughly—against me, stopping to wrap both my arms around her. Naturally, her body initially tensed, before she loosened up against me. I felt her sigh, before she tentatively wrapped her arms around my waist, her hands grabbing hold of my t-shirt.

"I'm sorry, Edward," she repeated, her voice muffled as she pressed her face against my chest.

"Don't be sorry, Bella," I replied gently, before dropping my lips to the top of her head.

I wanted to add _"and don't shut me out"._ It would have been a typical asshole thing for me to say, but I couldn't. As much as I was determined to be here for her, I knew I had to separate what she was going through from her and me.

After expelling her breath several times, Bella pushed herself from my arms. Her head was bowed, but even through her hair, I could see how much the fear and guilt was eating away at her.

Reaching over, I tucked the front of her hair behind her ear, out of her face; she only threw me a small, sad smile.

"I'm okay," she mumbled, shrugging one shoulder to herself. It was the last thing she was, but I didn't say anything.

Turning, she took a step toward the girls—that were all inconspicuously pretending that they weren't listening in as they gathered near the side of the road—before stopping to look back at me, extending her hand as she did.

Breaking into an immediate smile, I reached out, and grabbed her hand. She threaded our fingers together, before pulling me after her, when she stopped again. I only glanced down at her questioningly.

Her lips were twitching with the smallest grin. "Good thing it's not the middle of summer, Edward. I think you'd melt."

I was torn between the urge to groan aloud and laugh—and kiss her. Of course she was aware of my body temperature, and the fact that she decided to tease me over it only made my fucking body immediately react.

I only chuckled softly, and squeezed her hand.

Nummi informed us that her brother was picking us up, as a shudder immediately invaded Bella's body. She tried to disguise it, but since her hand was still firmly clamped around mine, I felt the energy behind it. I looked down at her; her eyes were growing deeper with panic.

Pulling her closer to me, I bent my head to speak softly into her ear, "Lean on me whenever you have to. Okay, honey?"

She smiled to herself; it warmed her entire face for a moment, while a shrewdness sparked in her eyes.

"Sap," she mumbled, nudging me gently without looking at me, and it immediately reminded me that the Bella I knew just a week ago was still there; still seeing straight through me.

I broke into a laugh, smothering it beneath my breath, but didn't reply.

Nummi's brother arrived a few minutes later—on the opposite side of the road—in a muddy looking SUV. He hopped out, took his hat off and flashed us a broad, welcoming grin.

Nummi introduced her brother John who then wiped his palm on the front of his shirt before shaking my hand firmly.

"How ya goin', mate?" he said with a cheerful voice.

"I'm good, you?"

He shrugged half-heartedly. "Can't complain."

I noticed he'd made an obvious effort not to look at Bella, who now stood with her hand still clasped to mine, as stiff as a fucking flag pole.

He turned to Alice next, and bent himself almost in half to plant a loud kiss on her cheek. Alice of course found this highly amusing and started asking weird ass fucking questions about whether his hat was an "Akubra".

He looked at her with genuine amusement while his brow furrowed in confusion. "Ah ... I think it's an RM Williams, but they sell Akubras in town if you want to buy one."

He turned to Bella then and his expression completely changed—looking awkward and uncomfortable. "Bells, good to see you again. I ... erm ... I'm just sorry it's under these circumstances, ya know?"

She nodded. "Yeah ... good to see you too, John," she replied with a soft voice, before she released her hand from mine and reached up to meet his approaching hug.

He hugged her tightly, slapping her a few times on the back, the way a brother would—the way I'd hugged Alice in the past. But still, I tensed. It was involuntary, but the sight of seeing Bella in the arms of another guy—a guy she'd known a lot longer than me—made me feel instantly on edge.

I was in the midst of trying to shove this off, knowing I was acting like an infantile prick, when I caught Alice's gaze. She surveyed me for a moment then half rolled her eyes. Obviously, the little rat had picked up on my body language.

I ignored her.

When John released Bella he busied himself with making room in the rear of the truck to fit our luggage, while very obviously trying to hide the emotion from showing on his face. He cleared his throat several times, keeping his face averted from mine, and I got the impression he was embarrassed by it all, and quickly stepped forward with our bags to help him.

The ride to Nummi and John's parents' house took about half an hour, while the last ten minutes were spent driving along a winding dirt road with what seemed like thousands of sheep in paddocks either side. John explained to me, as I rode in the front passenger seat, that it was all his parents' property.

"Not a bad market, sheep, but they're a bastard to shear," he said to me once we pulled up in front of a long, dark brick house, which had a porch that ran along the entire length of it.

I nodded, clearing my throat. "Fair enough." I wanted to come up with a casual reply that didn't give away the fact that I'd never sheared one, nor did I have the slightest freaking idea how to. I doubt I succeeded, but then he didn't seem to notice.

We all climbed out as John pulled our luggage from the rear. I grabbed mine and Bella's suitcase then followed behind her onto the porch. She looked like she was a dead man walking, head bowed, shoulders drawn, but resigned to it. As if it was her fucking fate.

Just as we reached the front entrance door, it swung open and a woman—that I assumed was Nummi's mother—came out to greet us. She turned her attention immediately on Bella and her already grief stricken expression increased.

"Oh, sweetheart..." she spoke to Bella in little more than a whisper, her tone thick with affection before she immediately pulled her into her arms and hugged her tightly.

At first Bella jolted, before she almost slackened against her, cautiously wrapping her arms around the woman's waist. Nummi's mother turned her face, kissed her on the cheek and whispered something into her ear. Bella nodded, her entire posture so broken that it was almost too much for me to continuously bear, and just as a feeling of fucking anxiety enveloped me, anger quickly took hold; the same anger that was always lurking within me when it came to Bella. I preferred it; it kept me focused.

When Nummi's mother finally released Bella, she turned to Alice.

My eyes stayed glued to Bella as she turned to me, and I caught a glimpse of the flood of emotion she was fighting. She masked it quickly, but her eyes continued to burn with it that when she smiled at me it almost ripped my fucking heart from my chest.

"And you must be Edward!" Nummi's mother was suddenly in front of me, smiling warmly.

"Pleased to meet you, Mrs.—" I began.

She quickly interjected with a wave of her hand. "Oh, call me Carol," she paused and dropped her voice before continuing. "Your mother had a long talk with me about you, but I think it's lovely that you came to support Bella, and you're more than welcome here." And before I had an opportunity to reply, she pulled me into her arms.

After I was hugged and kissed in front of John the sheep shearer, Carol quickly ushered us inside, commenting about the cool weather as she did.

John directed me to the room I was going to occupy, explaining as he walked that it was his little brother's bedroom, while Bella and Alice disappeared down a hall.

"Ya should be pretty comfy in here," he said with an almost amused grin, before opening the door.

I stepped in, and put my luggage down. It was large, full of toys and surrounded by Toy Story wallpaper. I only broke into an ironic kind of grin. The bed looked comfortable enough; other than that I didn't really give a shit.

"So, I guess you'll wanna get yourself sorted?" It was more of a statement; I was beginning to feel the jet lag, and no doubt looked like shit because of it.

"Yeah," I confessed, rubbing the back of my neck and nodding sheepishly.

"Well righto, the bathrooms down the hall and the _torlet's_ next door," he said, flicking his hand in a random direction.

With my brain practically at zero capacity, I almost asked the meaning of "_torlet"_ but was thankful I didn't. John's expression was already beginning to crease with confusion—at my no doubt clueless expression—and I didn't want to look more like a freaking ignorant dick than I already did.

"Okay ... thanks," I replied, probably too awkwardly, but I was starting to convince myself that I was drooling at the mouth by this point, anyway.

"No worries." He threw me a quick grin before closing the door.

I unzipped my bag, pulled out fresh clothes, not giving a shit that they were a crumpled heap by the way I'd packed them, and went out in search of the bathroom and _torlet._ It was at the end of the hall, and just as I was about to enter, I paused. I was unsure if I was sharing it with any of the girls, and as I debated whether I should find out, Alice emerged from one of the rooms and met my gaze.

"We are so not in Kansas anymore, Toto." She smirked.

"No shit, Munchkin," I replied wryly.

"What's the matter, you look lost?" she asked, quirking her brow.

"Are we sharing bathrooms?"

"No, Nummi has her own," she answered.

I nodded and disappeared inside the bathroom.

I was so fucking tired that as I soaked under the spray of the shower, I was swaying on my feet. It was the first time I'd felt this shitty since just after I'd almost killed myself. All I wanted to do was pass out—if the fucking edginess I felt over Bella would go away. Regardless though, the minute I was back in the kid's bedroom, I dragged my ass on the bed and was out cold before my mind could register the next second.

A loud knock on the door woke me with a start a couple of hours later. I shot up from the bed looking around, having no freaking idea where the hell I was for a moment.

John poked his head around the door and offered an apologetic smile, while I shook the disorientation from myself.

"Sorry, mate, just lettin' ya know that we're having a barbie in about an hour." I just stared at him fucking blankly, until a small smirk appeared on his lips. "You hungry?"

"Oh—yeah," I uttered, my voice croaky and hitching. "Um ... okay, thanks."

Food was the last thing on my mind. I wanted to crawl back under the freaking Buzz Lightyear quilt and go back to sleep, but my mind soon switched to Bella and my edginess over her immediately returned.

Laying myself back against the pillows, I allowed myself a few moments to get my bearings. It was so blatantly obvious that I was in Australia, even if I could forget the nightmare of the flight. The weather was warm, the air completely dry and the sounds surrounding the house were so foreign that I found myself listening more intently.

The sounds of the freaking eerie laughing birds, though, were soon drowned out by my pain in the ass sister's monotonously fucking enthusiastic exclamations. Rolling my eyes, I pulled myself off the bed and made my way into the hall.

"Hey, Edward, we were just about to get ya. Did you get some sleep?" Nummi asked after I almost collided with her as I exited the bedroom.

It was still so strange for me to hear my name pronounced as _"Edwud" _by someone other than Bella. Every time I heard it, I had to stop myself from openly reacting. But here, I was _Edwud_ to everyone—apart from Alice.

"Yeah, a little bit," I mumbled, shoving my hands in my jeans pockets and shrugging.

"Cool," Nummi said, linking arms with me and dragging me along with them, "cause we're about to get tea ready."

I turned and glanced around for Bella; she wasn't with them. I glanced at Alice, but she was busy chatting with Rach, not looking in the slightest bit concerned that Bella was absent.

Nummi tugged me closer to speak. I bent my head down to her; she was shorter than Bella was. "She's out talking to Kel's mom," she told me quietly, her tone serious.

I nodded then pulled back to smile at her. She flashed me a small, sly smirk that made me wonder exactly what Bella had told them about me.

Well, let's face it; the pens were the tip of the freaking iceberg.

At the back of the house there was a covered patio where several people were gathered; Carol and John being the only ones I knew. Then there was Bella. She was sitting on the timber outdoor furniture talking to a blond woman whose expression was openly stricken. She was caressing Bella's hair and face with a motherly kind of tenderness, while Bella was barely able to meet her gaze.

"You must be _Edwud_? Good to meet ya, mate. I'm Brian!" A man who bore a striking resemblance to John was suddenly before me, shaking my hand with a laid-back friendliness.

I uttered out an awkward hello before he placed a hand on my shoulder and guided me to the table and chairs.

"Take a seat. Tea'll be ready soon," he said before he made his way back to grilling on the barbeque.

I sat down beside Bella, who turned to me and offered a small smile that momentarily softened that fucked up look of emptiness on her face. She then introduced me to Kel's mother, who was still obviously feeling the effects of her reunion with Bella.

She spoke a soft hello then politely excused herself from the table.

Bella's face flickered then completely broke, before she pulled it hastily back and replaced it with that numbness she was obviously protecting herself with. A part of me wished she'd scream—at me or whoever. She needed it and I think I preferred seeing her in the condition she was in the night after the prom, than this shell that she was turning into.

She sat beside me shifting in her seat for a few awkward minutes, before she cleared her throat. "I think I might go help get the food ready."

She got out of her seat and left.

Fuck!

I sat like a fucking idiot—the only one at the table—while John and Brian were busy grilling, when I was poked in the back from behind. The perpetrator then sat beside me; a kid—whose bedroom I was currently occupying, I was willing to guess.

"Do you live near Disneyland?" he asked me with genuine interest.

I smirked while being glad for the company, despite the fact that he looked no older than eight. "No, not exactly."

He scrunched his nose at me as though it was my fault I didn't. "Do you live near the Brady Bunch then?"

"Oi, Edward!" John suddenly called out.

I turned to him freaking gratefully.

"How many snags would ya like?"

"Erm..."

Where the fuck was Alice when I needed her!

Bella suddenly leaned over me and placed a salad bowl on the table with one hand, the other she placed on my shoulder for support.

"Sausages," she whispered in my ear.

"Uh—two, thanks," I stammered.

I suddenly had complete understanding why Bella was so self-conscious of her language in her early days at school. It might as well have been freaking Chinese.

"Thanks," I said softly to her.

She tweaked my earlobe while a shadow of her smile edged to the surface before she turned and headed back inside.

Despite all my efforts, I think the kid spotted the goofy fucking grin that involuntarily took hold of me for a second.

"Is Bells your girlfriend?" he asked me mockingly.

I folded my arms across the tabletop before I faced him. "Yep."

He screwed his face and made a heaving sound, before he was suddenly yanked from behind and shoved out of the way by Nummi, who rolled her eyes.

"Ignore him, Edward."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" I asked as she placed more trays of food down.

"Noooo, we're about to eat," she said, dismissing me.

Just as she headed back inside, more people arrived. John greeted them and introduced them to me as Kel's father and brother.

Kel's brother, Chris, then sat down beside me, chatting for a few minutes before Bella took the seat on the other side of me. He flashed her a warm, but awkward smile before he rose from his chair.

"Do you want a VB, mate?" he asked me.

"Beer," Bella said to me softly, and thankfully before that freaking clueless look took hold on my expression again.

"Uh..." I began, before I paused with uncertainty.

"When are you eighteen?" Chris asked simply.

"July," I answered, feeling like a fucking moron for hesitating.

He shrugged. "That's only a month away. She'll be right then."

I glanced at Bella; she was smiling at me again. I returned it, grabbing her hand under the table. She squeezed it before pulling it from my grasp and getting out of the chair again.

Chris returned, plodding the bottle of beer in front of me, and I wondered if he was avoiding Bella—or if she was avoiding him. His expression was strained when she'd sat beside me, and both of them completely avoided looking at each other. I began to feel edgy; I had no fucking idea of Bella's history here, and I hated how it made me feel.

"So you and Bells, hey?" he asked after taking a couple of mouthfuls of beer and swallowing loudly.

I smiled, half shrugged and took a sip myself—trying not to grimace. "Yeah."

He nodded and took another gulp from the bottle. I felt like I should follow, but my stomach obviously still recalled the damage the keg of beer I'd drank not long ago did to it, and was rebelling against each mouthful I took.

"She happy over there?" he asked me a after a minute of silence where he appeared to be in thought.

"Um ... yeah, she seems to be," I answered.

"It was important to Kels ... that Bella was happy. She was like a sister to us..." his voice trailed off before he cleared his throat and drank the rest of his beer.

I only nodded, gripping the bottle of beer in both my hands.

He suddenly shook his head with a sigh, then seeming to shrug it off, he began chatting to me again; with all mention of Bella and his sister avoided.

I kept up the pretense of drinking the beer, taking painful fucking gulps of the stuff, when Bella came to my rescue. She placed her hand on my shoulder again to lean over me and set down a basket of bread in the center of the table. As she did, her hair swept over my neck and side of my face, engulfing me with the scent of it. It felt newly washed, soft and silky, and if I wasn't so fucking jet lagged it would have given me an immediate erection.

"You guys done?" she asked, though it was more of a statement, before she picked up Chris' empty bottle of beer while taking mine from my hand. She knew I wasn't finished, and she knew why, and I freaking loved her more than anything in my life.

Even amongst the grief she was going through, she was looking after me.

When she was gone again, I met Chris' gaze and he threw me a sly grin. It was probably the fact that my face was blazing with the sudden heat that was invading my veins, or that the goofy grin was still nailed to my face. Either way, I suspected he knew exactly why and he was suddenly looking a lot like Jazz.

John suddenly plonked a large tray of barbequed sausages and steak before us, saving me from looking like more of a dick, and dinner began.

The mood was, for the most part, pretty awkward. Bella was quiet for the majority of it, speaking only to answer questions about how she was liking the U.S. before going back to eating. I was asked a few more questions that I would have had absolutely no way of answering if Bella hadn't been beside me. When Brian asked me if I wanted a "stubby", Bella _accidentally_ knocked over John's empty bottle of VB. In fact, I was offered beer five times in three different ways, so I was sure there wasn't anything else that could stump me. Then Brian asked if I wanted some "dead horse". Even Alice stopped eating enough to look up, completely bewildered. Bella simply picked up a bottle of ketchup and handed it to me. But I knew I definitely had a "_what the fuck"_ expression that hung around for the rest of dinner.

And it made Bella smile.

After dinner Carol ushered the girls away when they tried to help. It meant I was saved from suffering through another attempt of drinking my _"middy",_ when Rach came and dragged me away. Apparently Alice wanted to see Nummi's horses. I had to remember to thank the little rat. Out of the six beers given to me, I'd probably only drank one full one, but my stomach was already queasy because of it.

Bella, Rach and Nummi went inside to grab their jackets before we set out, walking slowly toward the back paddocks. Bella stayed beside me and when I reached out and took her hand, she curled herself closer to my side. Releasing her hand a moment later, I wrapped my arm around her shoulders, relieved that she was no longer trembling. She looked like she was starting to loosen up at the idea of being here, and her face had even begun to rid itself of that blank expression—even if it was primarily reflecting grief. In a fucked up way I was relieved.

For whatever reason, she wasn't very comfortable in the barn around the horses. While Alice went ridiculously over the top at the sight of them, Bella immediately tensed, and when I gazed down at her, her entire face looked fucking broken. I led her out; she didn't protest. In fact, she seemed relieved.

"Not a horse fan?" I asked her lightly. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask her if she was okay. That would have been the most fucked up question of the century.

"I ... not really," she stammered, quietly.

There was obviously more to it than that, but I didn't want to bother her. I figured she'd open up to me when she was ready, so I said nothing.

We walked further along the back paddock, through dry, dusty grass, until it was so dark the only light came from the moon and stars. I had honestly never seen so many stars in my life. In Forks, you were lucky to see a couple depending on the cloud cover. But here ... there was millions of them.

Bella pointed out the Southern Cross; the stars that were on the Australian flag. Then instead of shoving her hand back in her pocket—like she had been—she wrapped it apprehensively around my waist.

I pulled her closer to me, tucking her under my arm, before she leaned her head on my chest and sighed deeply.

"Bella?" I began gently.

She lifted her head. "Yeah?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

"You're going to get through this, okay?" I promised her, tilting my head so I could see her eyes.

She broke my gaze, nodding hastily before taking a shaky breath.

We came across an old timber makeshift bench beneath a humongous tree.

Taking both her hands, I sat her down on it before me. She just peered up at me, as if she was pleading with me. It cut straight through to my fucking heart.

"I promise ... I will get you through this," I repeated, my voice becoming compromised.

She only nodded again as her eyes continued to canvass mine, before slowly, they filled with tears that spilled down her cheeks—something she immediately wiped away as if she was impatient with them.

"It's okay to cry, baby," I whispered gently to her, and her face completely crumbled.

Pulling her hands from my grasp, she covered her face and completely sobbed. It was such a heartbreaking fucking sound, but it didn't fill me with anger like it normally would; it filled me with resolve. A resolve that I would do whatever it took to get her past this.

Sitting beside her on the bench, I pulled her into my arms. She continued to shield her face from me as she cried, but as I held her, running my fingers through her hair, she slowly relented, wrapping her arms tightly around me.

"Edward?" she asked after a while, her voice completely broken and barely audible.

I pressed my lips on top of her head and hummed in answer.

She lifted her head and looked at me; her face was wet and blotchy, and her eyes just seemed like they went on forever with a thousand years of fucking sadness. She attempted to speak, but stopped herself as tears welled in her eyes again.

"What is it, honey?" I encouraged her.

"Thank you—for coming. I'm so glad you're here," she managed finally before her voice choked over.

I smiled at her, placing my palm to her cheek, and wiping her tears away. "Where else would I be?"

She just stared back at me, before she did something that completely surprised me. She climbed awkwardly onto my lap, wrapped her arms tightly around my neck, and buried her face fully against my skin. She had actually curled herself up, pressing herself against me, in such a vulnerable, trusting way, but all my body did was fucking immediately awaken. I wanted to absolutely fucking groan aloud; it wasn't about me being a horny bastard. It was about her, but I couldn't stop my body from reacting to her.

Her hot breath washed against my tingling fucking skin, while I rubbed her back, up and down slowly and with just the tips of my fingers until she grew almost still in my arms.

It was then that she began curling her fingers through my hair, while her lips, or the tip of her nose—I wasn't sure which—began trailing over my skin. She paused then and pressed her lips deliberately to the side of my neck, and with a final flood of heat, I burst to fucking life to the tight confines of my jeans.

She sat back, sitting flush on top of me, continuing to gaze at me, while her hands reached for mine. I had no idea what she wanted, what she was feeling, but in the moonlight, beneath the millions of stars overhead, she looked so fucking desirable.

She didn't say a word; she just sat above my raging hard on, blinking slowly. I had to remind myself continuously, over and over, that she was in pain. I could in no way relate what she was doing in anyway physical—despite the fact that my erection was trying to convince me otherwise. She needed the contact from me; she needed the security, but as usual, I was torn right down the middle.

Releasing her hand from mine, she trailed her finger along my jaw, watching intently as she did. I could feel the heat beneath my skin follow her touch, and it was becoming torture. Her eyes flickered to mine again, then what seemed like a subconscious act, she moistened her lips.

Something snapped deep within me then, and without contemplating it, and in one motion, I cupped her face with both my hands and dragged her lips to mine. My initial thought was that she'd immediately pull away and slap me, but she didn't; in fact, far from it. She responded to me deeply—heatedly.

My hands remained cupped to her face, when I became aware that she was pulling them down. When I released them, she immediately wrapped her arms tightly around my neck, kissing me with greater depths until I was tasting the sickly sweet flavor of _"dead horse"._ I reacted to it again without thought; taking it deeper and further, and pressing her small little body flat against mine. Each time I kissed her I brought her more closely, and she didn't protest; she didn't pull away. Instead, she completely surrendered to me, yielding to me, as she merged her mouth further to mine.

After a while, as every pore of my skin was burning to a cold fucking chill, with my erection throbbing from pain just as much as longing, Bella began to tremble, her mouth began to close to mine, while the pressure of her lips softened. Then, bringing her hand to touch my cheek, she finally pulled back. It was then that I noticed she was crying. She'd been crying—she'd been kissing me with so much depth and feeling when all along she'd been crying. It was enough to bring me down in an instant.

Resting her forehead against mine, she closed her eyes. "Edward..." she whispered, her voice completely fractured.

"Hey..." I replied gently, before getting up from the bench, pulling her with me as I did, enfolding her against my chest.

She immediately clung to me, her hands gripping my t-shirt in her fists. "I'm going to need you, Edward," she admitted softly, before she buried her face into me.

"I'll be right here, Baby."

* * *

**A/N: Well isn't he just completely gorge? I kind of think he might be a little too sweet. IDK…**


	31. Hard to Breathe

**A/N: Bella struggling to deal with it all.**

* * *

**Chapter 30**

**Hard To Breathe**

**Bella's POV**

During the first couple of months of being in the U.S, I would wake in the morning with an engulfing panic that leaving Australia and moving to Uncle Billy's had all been a dream. For those first few moments before the shroud of sleep lifted, I was convinced that when I opened my eyes I'd find myself in my old bedroom, at my mother's house; having never left at all. Of course, before I was able to talk myself completely into it, the sound of the rain would ease my fears well before Chad's smiling face was able to completely put my mind at rest.

Today was the first time I came close to actually believing it.

As I stirred, slowly becoming aware of my surroundings, the only sounds I heard were the combination of kookaburras, magpies and cockatoos. It took less than a moment later to realise the very obvious _lack _of rain before I was instantly wide-awake. Inhaling sharply, I bolted upright in bed as my heart hammered violently with a sudden crushing panic.

I gripped at my chest as my eyes scanned the room hastily, immediately realising I was in Nummi's room. It was only a moment later that I was reminded of the reason why, as the panic in my heart was replaced by the now all too familiar ache.

I _was_ in Australia. I'd come back for Kel's funeral.

Taking a jaggered breath, I dropped my head in my hands trying to somehow clear a path through the cataclysm that had become my life so I could make it through another day.

I turned to check the time, knowing the appearance of the sun meant nothing; it could still be five in the morning.

Nummi's ipod dock read 6:15am.

Nummi and Alice were still out cold, but Rach was half sitting up in the foldout bed squinting over at me with a mixture of concern and resignation furrowing her brow. A moment later she smiled at me affectionately.

"Still like rising at the crack of dawn, I see, Bells," she croaked out, still drunk from sleep.

I shrugged while my sheepish grin was half cut off by a shuddering yawn.

It was never that I liked to wake early; rather living with Renee had ensured that I'd never been a heavy sleeper. I woke easily and often throughout the night.

Rach suddenly shivered and jumped from her makeshift bed to mine. Climbing under the covers, she snuggled into me for warmth before pulling me back against the pillows with her.

"Aren't you cold?" she asked surprised.

"Nope," I answered simply.

"So, Bells..." she began a moment later, with a sly, teasing tone. I turned to gaze at her; she was smirking at me broadly, "about Edward..."

"What about him?" I asked with a good-natured sigh.

"I kinda find it strange that not _once_ in all those emails you sent, whinging about how much he bugged you, did you mention how much of a spunk he is." She raised her brow, her smirk growing all knowing.

I immediately felt my cheeks burn. "What difference, does that make?"

She scoffed. "It's the difference between whether you secretly liked it or not. I'm guessing you did—Christ, I would have!"

"Are you cracking on to my boyfriend?" I teased her gently, but it was all I could do to not start grinning like a moron at the mention of Edward. There wasn't a single shred of doubt where he was concerned any more, but there was a whole lot of _everything else_.

Rach made a mocking display of shock by sucking in her breath and blinking her eyes. "Boyfriend? Bells—did you just say the _"b"_ word?"

I nudged her playfully. "Leave me alone."

"So..." she began, pausing to clear her throat rather suggestively, "have you let him cop a feel yet?"

My face suddenly burst into flames at the very idea of it, and of course, Rach took it as validation.

"Bells—you hussy!"

"Sssh—and no I haven't ... he hasn't ... I..." I stammered awkwardly, sealing my guilt the longer I stumbled over the words. My mind drifted to Edward and me the night before in the back paddock, and I immediately felt another surge of heat burn my face. If I was being brutally honest, he kind of did _cop a feel_. During the heated, impulsiveness that was our kissing, I recalled at some point dragging his hands from about my face. And as he moved them to wrap around my back, one of his hands first ran down my side and over—

"Mmm-hmm," Rach drawled, returning me to the present moment, while my face blazed more brazenly.

"Shut up," I mumbled with the beginnings of a guilty grin tugging at my lips.

She drew her breath, mocking me further. "My dear Isabella, are you—_blushing_?"

I rubbed my forehead in a vain attempt to conceal it, as Rach broke into a soft chuckle. "Seriously, Bells, I'm happy for ya, and he has got it _seriously_ bad for you."

"Yeah..." I murmured abashedly, sighing a little too wistfully. I let my thoughts linger on Edward for a while longer, before Rach groaned jokingly.

"Okay, keep it clean, girl—sheesh!"

I whacked her playfully, but I could talk about Edward all morning. At the moment it was _only_ the fact that his smile made my knees go completely weak that kept me from falling into the abyss of pain that losing Kel had created within me.

"About Alice," Rach added, dropping her voice to an audible whisper, "I totally love her, but bloody hell—talk about _hypo_."

I laughed gently, turning to glance over at Alice again with growing affection. She was lying spread-eagled on top of the blow up bed and covers, clutching a teddy bear that held a picture of Jazz in its belly.

"She's been such a godsend, Rach. She befriended me on my first day and has been there ever since," I confessed quietly, feeling the burning of emotion build in my throat. I hated to think what I would have done without her—without Edward.

Rach sighed deeply, suddenly looking at me in a rare display of vulnerability. Rach was always _a suck it up_, kind of person. I depended on it a lot during my pre-Forks days; her strength kept me on my feet. So now, when she looked so defeated, it threw me.

"What is it, Rach?" I asked her.

Her eyes flooded with guilt before it etched in her forehead. "You know it wasn't that we didn't want you to stay—you know that, don't you, Bells?"

I wrapped my arms around her tightly. "Of course I do. If it wasn't for you guys..." I paused deliberately, inhaling past the lump forming in my throat so I could continue, "she would have killed me."

Alice was suddenly stirring, distracting Rach from her reply.

"What are you two _lesos_ doing?" She sat up groggily, teasing us lightly.

"Bloody hell, girl, did Bella test you on this ocker bullshit?" Rach chuckled, before jumping from my bed over to Nummi, where she shook her awake.

As soon as the warmth of Rach's body left me, I was left once again with the suffocating pain of my kel's death. It was so debilitating on my senses that I felt like I was walking around in constant shock. I craved the contact and the distraction—something to take away the burden of guilt that was ripping me apart from the inside out.

**...**

Edward must have been listening for us as we approached his room, because almost exactly as we were passing the door he emerged from behind it. He was dressed, but he looked dishevelled and his hair was all askew—even more than it usually was.

He immediately sought me out and when our eyes met, he flashed that smile of his, and for the barest minimum, the pain in my heart lessened.

"Good morning, girls," he spoke with a small smile, before draping his arm over my shoulder as we made our way into the kitchen for breakfast.

Rach and Nummi replied to him brightly; Alice scrutinised his clothes and snorted.

He rolled his eyed then pulled away from me a little, bending down to speak to me; almost caressing my ear with his lips. "How'd you sleep?"

"Okay. You?" I replied simply.

"Hmm ... well, I'd sleep better if those squawking birds didn't wake me up at five o'clock. What the hell are they?" he asked lightly, breaking into a small smile.

I smiled warmly up at him, needing to break his gaze. He would stare at me so intently; it was a little too much for me sometimes. He had a gaze that looked like he was contemplating the contents of your soul.

I cleared my throat before I answered him. "Umm ... cockatoos you mean?"

When he didn't reply, I glanced quickly up at him; he was doing the smile he did when he found me amusing. I nudged him.

He chuckled softly. "What did I do?"

"You know exactly what you're doing. Just remember, _you're_ the strange one now."

He squeezed me closer to him and then bent his head down to my ear again, "I can understand Alice being strange, but I think I fit in well."

I exhaled past my widening grin, just as I felt his lips press gently to my temple.

With Edward with me, I found myself able to escape this nightmare, even if it was just for a few moments. His presence allowed me to breathe again.

Carol had breakfast ready and waiting for us when we entered the kitchen. She was frying bacon and eggs to add to the spread.

I sat down at the table and grabbed two pieces of toast. I wasn't much of a big breakfast eater, and was looking forward to finally having Vegemite again. I hadn't eaten it since being in the U.S; it wasn't available in the local Forks or Port Angeles supermarkets.

"Edward, Alice, what would you two like for brekkie?" Carol asked them as I scraped the butter noisily over my toast.

"Erm ... I'll just have toast," Edward answered politely, reaching over to grab a couple of slices, his grin appearing again despite the fact that I hadn't spoken a word. "I'm curious about this Vegemite stuff."

"Oh me too!" Alice piped up with enthusiasm.

Rach groaned in full amusement. "Bells, if they insist on eating it, at least spread it for them. Remember that exchange student that stayed a month at Kel's; he spread the stuff two inches thick and without butter."

The soft laughter escaped me before I was aware of it. Kel had been in tears telling us the story that day in school. I remembered it so intently; it was one of the few times where she didn't have to bend over backwards trying to cheer me up.

But just as quickly as the laughter filled the room it went silent. Rach cleared her throat and looked away, while Nummi fought to prevent the tears brimming in her eyes from overflowing. I only dropped my head, feeling no tears, only the ache that was tangled around my heart, tighten—with guilt.

Carol came to the back of my chair and placed her hands on my shoulders, squeezing them gently. "Come on, girls," she began, her tone tender, "you're allowed to laugh at the good times. Kel isn't gone; not really."

Rach and Nummi went back to fixing their breakfast, their expressions sombre, but I couldn't move. The invisible fist gripping my heart was taking control, and I was suddenly finding it hard to breathe past it. It was crippling, reminding me over and over that Kel was gone and I'd let her die without being beside her.

Carol kept her hands on my shoulders; I hadn't realised. She squeezed them again.

"Bella? Are you going to spread some Vegemite for Edward? Or are you going to let him burn that handsome mouth of his?"

I glanced over at him and caught the soft, tenderness of his gaze. He smiled at me warmly, almost sadly.

I didn't want him to be sad for me. It wasn't me they should have been sad for, and it would have made me feel a damn sight better if he—and everyone else—just told me what I deserved to hear. That I was a selfish brat for hiding away while Kel was so sick.

With a deep breath, in an attempt to push away the ache for just a few minutes relief, I reached over and took Edward's plate. He continued to smile at me tenderly. I smiled back, knowing if I could just focus on him instead I might just get through this.

I spread his toast with butter, followed by a thin layer of Vegemite. It wasn't the sort of thing that could be eaten two inches thick—even if you were reared on it.

I slid the plate back to him and went back to munching on my own toast, keeping an observant eye on him.

"_BLEGH!_" Alice suddenly blurted in disgust. "Oh my God! How do you eat this gunk—Bella?"

I laughed, but since I was still chewing, it came out muffled through my nose.

"It's an acquired taste," Carol confessed.

I turned back to Edward. He had just been about to take a bite of his toast before Alice's outburst. Now he was pausing, suddenly looking uncertain.

He met my eyes, I smiled at him—probably the same way he smiled at me whenever I said something bogan. I couldn't help it; he looked like he was about to eat a spider.

Flashing me a courageous grin, he seemed to shrug to himself then took a generous bite. After about the third chew, though, his face went blank and he blinked, looking like he was going to close his eyes and groan. He swallowed heavily and with what looked like effort, his expression all but a grimace.

With nothing but a small, amused smile, Carol took Edward's plate away. "We have some jam if you'd like, Edward."

"Thank-you," he replied with a constricted throat, his tone relieved.

I continued to chuckle, smothering it behind my toast, glad for Edward's presence with all my heart.

"Jesus, Bella, I hate to agree with Alice, but how _can_ you eat that?" he asked me incredulously.

I opened my mouth to reply when Rach intercepted me, "You have to have it shoved on your dummy at birth."

Feeling suddenly bitter, I almost scoffed, wondering exactly how _I had _become fond of the stuff. I doubted Renee would have taken the time—or the effort—to put anything on my dummy. But then, I doubted that I would have even had one.

Edward grinned at her and chuckled softly, but when he turned back to me, his forehead was piqued in confusion. He tilted his head closer to mine and asked quietly, "What the hell is a dummy?"

I felt the warmth of my smile instantly before I was aware of it, by the sheer bewilderment on his face. It completely dissolved my agitation, and I wondered whether he was playing dumb deliberately just to get this reaction out of me. "Pacifier."

Grinning and shaking his head slightly to himself, he took a bite into the Jam toast Carol had spread for him. With his free hand he squeezed my leg beneath the table.

I reached down and clutched it, holding on to it as though it was my lifeline.

**...**

Just before breakfast was finished we got to meet Mick, Nummi's boyfriend. He entered through the back door and she jumped up from the breakfast table to welcome him, her expression immediately brightening.

He was handsome with an easy-going friendly face that reminded me of Jacob. And from the way that he was looking at Nummi, it was clear that he was smitten by her. He also took to Edward really well. The two of them chatted easily at the table for a while before Mick took him outside, though Edward was almost reluctant. I had to practically push him through the door.

Afterwards, we hung around in Nummi's room, chatting while Alice disappeared outside to talk to Jazz on her mobile. It was strained though. After bringing up Kel at breakfast, the mood around us was despondent. Nummi curled herself up on her bed, hugging her pillow, while Rach flicked through songs on the ipod dock impatiently, her expression clouded.

I glanced around the room, my eyes falling on bits and pieces of Nummi's furniture that all had a memory attached to it. It was then that I recalled the last memory I'd had there. It was in this room, several months earlier, where Kel convinced me to leave. Just a few months previously it was just the four of us. No Alice, no Edward; just me, Kel, Nummi and Rach.

I got up from the bed and walked over to the window. As I glanced out, I felt a pang in my heart that it was another sunny day with a clear blue sky. There wasn't even a whisper of the storm clouds on the horizon that I had grown to love.

I missed Forks.

As I stood brooding over the weather and watching Alice having an animated conversation on her phone, Kel's mum pulled up in the driveway. My breath immediately caught; my chest clenching. Just seeing her yesterday felt like I'd had a hot iron pierced through my heart. I wasn't able to look at her and properly meet her eyes. I couldn't let her see the absolute shame that I felt.

Nummi heard the car and came to investigate. She put her arm over my shoulder and shrugged dolefully. "Her and mum are picking out some pics for Kel's funeral, I think."

I sighed and closed my eyes, not wanting to hear it even mentioned. The very notion of being at Kel's funeral—burying her, felt like it would burn a hole straight through my chest.

I held my breath and attempted to hold back another, seemingly endless wave of grief. It was getting harder and harder to do, but I feared to surrender to it; to completely surrender. I didn't know how I'd make it back if I did.

"Okay, moles, I say we go looking for Bells' Yankee boy," Rach said, jumping to her feet from her position on top of her fold out bed. "God knows what they're doing to the poor bastard, and," she paused, a small smirk forming on her lips, "he hasn't got a translator."

My thoughts gladly returned to Edward, and when I checked the clock, I realised he'd been gone for almost two hours. I was suddenly curious too and I was craving his company. I needed one of those puzzled, amused smiles of his just then; I needed the warmth of his skin against me; I just needed him to take this all away...

We walked right down to the rear of the property where the shearing sheds were, after Nummi mentioned that John and Brian had gone there earlier that morning.

The smell of the farm brought back so many memories for me, not all of them horrible. I remembered during the shearing season one year how the four of us girls were hired as rouseabouts. It used to take two of us together to lift a fleece, and at the end of the day we'd practically fall unconscious before we reached our beds; we'd been so worn out. Since we'd started at dawn each morning, I'd stayed with Nummi's family for the week. It was one of my few childhood memories I could look back on with fondness. Even the stinking hot sheds that we'd spent most of the days in. But still, after I had got back to Renee's, she'd beaten me until I handed over the money Brian had paid me for my week's work.

Nummi wrapped her arm around me suddenly and pressed her fingers gently to my forehead. My face had become so knotted that my head began to ache with it. It didn't seem to matter what memories I had of Australia; they all ended in misery, because they all included Renee.

From the sounds coming from the sheds as we got closer, it seemed that whatever the boys were doing in there, they were enjoying themselves. When I stepped inside and my eyes adjusted to the light, it took me a few moments to realise that the bare-chested guy bent over the sheep, with the sheers in hand, wearing the _'roughrider'_ akubra hat, literally _covered _in sweat, was Edward. I immediately pulled up short, my breath hitching then completely stalling in the back of my throat.

_Bloody hell!_

"Yowza!" Rach leaned in to me and whispered, but I think I was in too much of a stupor to fully register it.

With a smirk, John motioned with his eyes to Edward that we were there. He turned his head, instantly met my gaze and grinned broadly. It was right about this time that if someone had a feather I would have gone over backwards. His eyes were bright from the effort he'd exhausted and every single one of his muscles were taut and bulging as he held the sheep to him, one armed.

I released my breath and smiled back at him, then was forced to look away. A rather huge wave of heat was suddenly on a collision course with my face, not to mention the pull that had begun in the pit of my stomach.

"He's a bit of a natural, your young fella, love," Brian said to me with a genuine smile.

I nodded, feeling the heat eventually circulate to my cheeks. I bit my bottom lip self-consciously, as if they all knew what my mind had been invoking, and turned back to Edward. Mick was wrangling the sheep awkwardly from his grip so he could continue shearing it. Edward stepped clear, before he put his hands on his hips and took a deep breath.

"Wow," he said in appreciation, then took his hat off and handed it back to Brian.

"Keep it, mate. It's a good fit on you."

With a look of delighted appreciation crossing his face, Edward put it back over his damp mop of hair, before he went to retrieve his t-shirt. He hung with the guys, joking around with them for a moment longer, then Edward dried his face with his shirt, and I think I began swaying.

I needed to compose myself. Edward was about to make his way over to us and I didn't want him to see how the sight of him half naked had made my thoughts turn bloody carnal.

"Do you need a moment, Bells?" Rach teased me slyly.

My face flooded. "Ssssh!"

She chuckled, and stepped away as Edward came and stood beside me. "Jesus, I'm gonna be sore tomorrow."

"Maybe if you ask nicely, Bells will give you a massage," Rach added with feigned innocence.

I suppressed the urge to groan out loud, instead reaching up to rub the knot I could feel forming on my forehead again.

Edward smiled, it was awkward though and beneath the hat, his ears were tinged. He went to run his fingers through his hair—I presumed—when he realised he was still wearing his _akubra_. Taking it off, he plonked it on top of my head, grinning down at me. Then, slinging his arm over my shoulder, he leaned down to me, and pressed me slightly against his, still very damp, body. The heat he was radiating enveloped me in an instant, tingling warmth.

"I'm _buggered_," he whispered to me.

I immediately smiled, nudging him with my shoulder. He'd managed to get the accent right this time; usually he over extended the "r"s.

"Do you want a drink?" I asked him.

"I was offered a long neck? Another beer I'm guessing?" He chuckled gently.

I nodded and laughed lightly along with him before I untangled myself from his arm and grabbed his hand. "Well I don't think there's any _Dr Peppers, _but I'm sure we can find you something."

I led him out of the shed and back toward the house. He stopped me to throw his crumpled shirt back over his head, putting his arm around my shoulders before we began walking again.

His damp body was filled with the rustic smell of the shearing shed, and mingled with it was the trace scent of his aftershave and deodorant. Altogether it made me feel slightly dizzy. I sighed and relaxed into him. I used to think there was nothing grosser than the sweaty shearers working away in the sheds, but at that moment I wouldn't have preferred him any other way.

I reached up and put the Akubra hat back on his head. He grinned and before he could turn the full force of that smile on me, I snuggled back against his chest. This physical desire I was feeling for him was just the distraction I was hoping for. I needed to hang onto it.

"Goodness!" Carol exclaimed as we entered through the back sliding door into the kitchen. "What did they make you do, Edward?"

"Shear a sheep," he confessed.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "They didn't—oh I like that hat on you. It suits you!"

She went to the fridge, pulled out a jug of home-made lemonade, and poured him a glass. He took it with polite thanks and sat down at the breakfast table to drink it.

I was suddenly conscious that Kel's mum had been there, and I found myself cautiously glancing around to see if she still was. I loved her immensely; she was the closest thing I had to a mother growing up as a kid. It was the reason I felt too ashamed to see her. For her to know that I didn't come back after Kel's accident, after everything they had done for me...

"He's buggered," Carol said quietly to me, immediately distracting me.

I broke into a warm, afflicted smile and turned to glance at Edward. He was gulping down the drink, his hand slightly shaking.

I felt suddenly overloaded with emotion, and knowing that Edward was the reason I was able to deal with it all, made it burn to the surface. My eyes quietly filled with tears.

"He is," I eventually agreed, my voice breaking softly.

Carol put her arm tenderly around me and squeezed. "Would you like something to drink too, sweetheart?"

I nodded and swallowed hastily passed my tears, turning away from Edward. I could feel his eyes burning through me, but I couldn't meet his gaze.

He'd lost his father at a young age and he'd come close to losing his sister, and unlike me, he'd been there for them. Whether it was hard to bear or witness, he was still there. Alice had told me how much school he'd missed to be with her every day; to keep her spirits up and make her laugh; to hold her hand when she was in pain. Edward could relate to the grief I was feeling, but not my actions. I didn't deserve the tenderness that shone for me behind his eyes. It didn't change the fact that I needed him as much as the air that I breathed, and as he wiped my tears and consoled me with gentle words he made my shame and guilt fade; releasing me from the burden of it. Never seeing, never accepting that I deserved to drown under it.

Nummi and Rach walked through the back door a moment later, their gazes immediately zeroing in on me in synced concern.

"Bells...?" Rach asked, turning to glance at Edward before back to me. "You okay?"

"She's okay," Carol spoke up before I could answer, squeezing me again affectionately, before ushering me over to the table next to Edward, placing a glass of juice in front of me.

Under the table, Edward placed his hand on my leg, his thumb caressing my knee gently. I dropped my hand to grab it and sighed deeply as the reins around my heart pulled tight. Eventually, apprehensively, I looked up and met his gaze. He smiled, again seeing no fault in me, seeing only my pain as his smile turned almost sad in its warmth. His eyes continued to validate the promise he'd made to me the night before. I clung to it, desperately—selfishly, knowing that with his support I could somehow reach the end of this nightmare.

Without it…

* * *

**A/N: Yeah...**


	32. Photographs

**A/N: Go easy on Bella…**

* * *

**Chapter 31**

**Photographs**

**Bella's POV**

"Where's Alice?" Nummi inquired, her brow creasing a little.

"Oh, her and Jazz's phone calls can reach epic proportions," Edward spoke up with a small smirk.

"I think I heard her come back in a few minutes ago," Carol added, just as Alice appeared in the doorway.

"Did I miss anything?" she asked brightly.

"Just your brother playing jackaroo." Carol chuckled.

Alice gazed over at Edward and raised an eyebrow dubiously before her eyes rested on me and—like Nummi and Rach—her expression fell with concern.

I sighed inwardly.

Edward went to have a shower, appearing twenty minutes later, his hair damp and unruly.

Alice had been telling Rach and Nummi about Jazz, Emmett and Rose while I sat content just to listen. It made me realise that the only thing that would untangle me from this agony was that I could return home to Forks; the one place that had ever truly felt like my home. It was Kel who made me realise that my place in this world wasn't with her but with my father's family. She was selfless to the end; protecting me to the end; putting her feelings aside to see me happy—to the very end.

When Edward rejoined us, we went back outside to watch Alice ride one of Nummi's horses; something Nummi had promised her the night before. But before we left the patio, Carol called us back in.

"Kel's mum left some albums here for you girls to look at when you were ready. I'm about to make a pot of tea, so if you want to settle down and go through them, they're in the lounge room."

There was a reluctance behind Rach and Nummi's expressions. A reluctance at the inevitable pain that seeing them would cause. It was a pain that I was instinctively recoiling from but knew it was something I had to do. We all had to get passed that final hurdle of acceptance that she was gone and never returning. It was something I had to realise, especially since I was the only one absent when she died.

The moment Rach turned the first yellowing page of the photo album, the stranglehold of guilt that I was suffering with temporarily gave way to undeniable heartbreak.

Every picture showed Kel young, beautiful and vibrant, smiling for the camera, and full of life; from newborn baby pictures of her to the final picture of her. It was one I hadn't seen before; her year eleven school photo. In it she was smiling, oblivious to the fact that her life was about to be cut short.

And in almost every photo of her there appeared a doe eyed girl, expression downcast despite the smile that sometimes occurred on her face. Messy, wild hair, dirty clothes and with bruises appearing intermittently; this girl was always there.

I found myself staring at her, knowing she was me, but not altogether recognising her _as_ such. But there I was, a pivotal part of Kel's life, of Kel's family, haunting the outskirts and tainting it with my miserable existence.

In one photo I appeared beside Kel, holding a teddy bear with a beaming, proud expression almost camouflaging the bruise that discoloured my forehead.

The noose of pain around my heart squeezed. I gasped a little, tears blurring the picture into waves. I remembered it so clearly. It was a few days before Christmas and while Renee was at work, the postman had delivered a package addressed to me from The General. I had been so excited that I'd run all the way to Kel's, wanting to share opening it with her. Kel had been so happy for me, she insisted that her mother come and take a photo of me and ... _Edward _the bear.

I closed my eyes as tears slipped beneath my lashes, running the length of my face, before they quietly fell to my chest where the pain burning within it intensified.

A hand caught mine and held tightly to it, but I barely registered it. Even when Nummi, openly crying, wrapped her arm around me, I felt nothing but the crushing pain; its potency immune to her touch.

Rach turned page after page of Kel's life before us. She and Nummi laughed openly and fondly through their tears at certain pictures, but I remained locked within the consuming anguish and guilt of her death.

Here, between these pages was the proof that I was a part of Kel's family, taken under wing by all of them. Protected when my mother could have killed me; fed when she didn't buy food for me; clothed when I tore through the rags I was dressed in; loved when the one I craved it from most denied it from me. And when they needed support in return, I had stayed selfishly away. Caught up in the drama of whether the boy I sat next to in Biology class had kissed some girl at a party. Even when his accident impressed the dire situation of Kel's predicament, I was selfishly unmoved. I didn't want to return, and I couldn't get past myself to be there for Kel and her family.

Kel was the very reason I had those ridiculous bloody dramas. Kel was the reason I'd moved to Forks; the reason I'd reconnected with Uncle Billy and Jacob and met Edward and Alice. And once there I'd turned my back on her. She'd saved my life, literally, and I'd deliberately left her in the past and out of my life.

I ran my hand through my hair, my fingers rigid, my breathing tight and restricted.

How could I have left her to die without me?

The guilt was shredding me to pieces; tearing open a hole in my chest, to endure alone the horrible reality that now stood before me, because Kel was gone. Never to appear at my bedroom window, take me by the hand and lead me home again.

She was gone.

The hand gripping mine released and I was pulled against a warm body, encircled in an equally warm pair of arms. I looked up and met Edward's gaze through the tears that blurred my vision. For the first time that I had known him, the sight of his all-consuming gaze made my heart freeze.

He was staring down at me with a flood of emotions igniting through his eyes, his forehead knotting it further into emphasis. I only stared back, feeling a cold dread run through my veins as I realised the reasoning behind the painfully disturbed and suddenly angry expression that was starting to encompass his face.

He had witnessed my past in the photo albums.

He'd seen the childhood that I had left behind, never intending to ever relive. He'd seen the unloved, battered pitiful state that I was, and the bruises that had littered my skin-and-boned body. These pictures had left me exposed and vulnerable; my past laid out for him to see. As he gazed into my eyes with shock turning the hue of his iris dark, he was seeing directly into my soul. He now knew the full extent of my past, my wretched sordid life which I had never, _ever _intended for him to know. The girl I had left behind had finally caught up with me.

And now, Edward Cullen knew it all.

I broke his gaze as panic began to overwhelm me.

Edward knew.

His gaze seemed to draw back to the pictures and as he absorbed the images there, his brow furrowed deeper, before it gave way to the anger that was burning behind his eyes. I looked at the picture that had grabbed his attention. It was one of the four of us when we were about nine years old. We were sitting on the perimeter fence to Kel's family's property. Kel had her arm draped over my shoulder, and her, Rach and Nummi were all smiling broadly for the camera, while I was staring blankly at my hands that were clasped between my knees. My hair was falling in my face and over my shoulders, almost disguising the fact that my arm held a long welt; clear even in the photo of the four of us in full length.

My mother had beaten me with a riding crop the day before.

When Edward turned back to me, he was suddenly appearing very volatile.

"Bella..." he whispered, his voice completely stricken, but at the same time, he looked angry.

He knew too much. It wasn't something that I could keep buried within me anymore. Alice and Edward were the only ones that were untouched by my previous life, and I had wanted it to remain that way. I wanted to have a life where Renee's contamination couldn't touch me.

My heart was beginning to accelerate with more and more anxiety. I looked up again at Edward; his eyes were canvassing the pictures as even more emotion flooded his expression. He was never going to see me the same way again! I was now forever the girl from those photographs to him.

Damn it! Why had I allowed him and Alice to come?

I pulled from him, roughly, in my haste to get out of there.

Pushing open the screen door, I let it swing back with a loud bang_, _before running helplessly down the long dirt driveway. I stopped only when I was out of breath, realising that my lung capacity had long been compromised by the presence of my tears.

Edward and Alice seeing those pictures of me—it was inconceivable. More than that, them seeing how important I was in Kel's life, and knowing that when she was sick and dying I had remained in Forks, too busy worrying about my own survival.

It was incomprehensible!

I leaned myself over the log fence, trying to rein in the sobs, to take an even breath; to numb the raging pain and guilt that was conquering me. I sank to the ground, pulling my knees to my chest, having surrendered myself to the tears and the sheer wretched, hopelessness I felt.

It wasn't long before I heard footsteps scraping along the gravel, drawing closer to me. A moment later Nummi sat herself beside me and gently wrapped her arm over my shoulder, pulling me against her.

I just shook my head, not wanting her to leave, but because I had no words to express myself. No words that could undo what I did to Kel, and no words to express the sheer heartbreak and pain I felt because of it.

She was gone. Gone, and it was all too late now to make things right.

"I can't ... Nummi..." I sobbed, the tears spilling freely; the pain was becoming unendurable.

Nummi sighed, deeply, helplessly and nodded her head in resignation. She kissed the side of my forehead, releasing her breath again.

"They weren't—he wasn't ... supposed to see—to know!" I raised my voice, more coherent this time as my chest heaved with growing panic.

Edward seeing! Edward _knowing_!

"Hey," she began softly, with a gentle sternness, "you have no idea how angry Edward is, inside now. He's a good bloke, Bells, and Alice too. Don't shut them out."

"He should be angry at _me_!" I yelled out in wretched frustration. I looked up from Nummi's shoulder and shook my head again—at my own deplorable, selfishness. "How can any of you even look at me? After what I did to her—how?"

Her brow creased in confusion before she shook her head a little. "Bella"—she never called me _Bella. _To Nummi I was always been Bells; she was the one who gave me that nickname—"you being here again wouldn't have saved her." Her voice broke a fraction before she stubbornly pushed it aside and continued. "After you left, Kel said to all of us that under no circumstance were we to make you come back. You were free Bells, and none of us—her especially—wanted you back here."

As much as I desperately, selfishly craved it, I found no comfort in her words, because it wasn't under just any circumstance that I stayed away. I _should _have caught the first plane out to be by her side. She'd saved my life enough times that I should have put my bullshit with my mother behind me to be with her.

Even if it was just to say goodbye.

"She was _dying,_ Nummi," I whispered. I fought back the tears; my forehead ached with them, but I refused to cry any more. As much as their release gave me some peace, I didn't deserve it.

I didn't deserve self-pity, and I sure as hell didn't deserve Edward's.

"Bells ..." she broke off and huffed, becoming frustrated, "don't do this to yourself. What happened to Kel..." she abandoned the sentence and just gazed at me with a pleading behind her eyes.

I didn't want to hurt her, or cause her more pain, but I knew I didn't deserve the allowances they were all giving me.

"I used to dream of her, Nummi," I admitted ashamedly. "I knew deep down she wasn't going to make it, and I wouldn't accept it. I didn't want to come back here." I broke my gaze from hers and dropped my head, letting my eyes rest on the ground. "I so badly want to see her just one more time, but I can't—and it's no more than I deserve."

"Bella—bloody hell! Do you think she would want you beating yourself up like this?" Her frustration was turning to anger. She turned away from me and shook her head to herself. "You have _always_ blamed yourself for everything." It was rare when Nummi was actually angry with me, but I still would have preferred it—anything to ease the pain of this guilt.

"I _know _she wouldn't, but that just makes it worse—it makes me _feel_ worse!" I Exclaimed. I took a shaky, wavering breath. The grief, the pain, the guilt—all of it was inundating me. I was beginning to feel like I was drowning.

She sighed again, taking a giant breath in and expelling her frustration out with it. Her bottom lip began to quiver, and she opened her mouth to reply, but quickly shut it again. In the end, she merely nodded in understanding.

I rubbed at the pressure in my forehead, wanting a release from this pain so desperately.

"It's killing me, Nummi," I whispered, the emotion compromising my voice.

She stood abruptly, pulling me to my feet with her. "Come on."

She began leading me back towards the house, but I immediately felt myself tense, resisting. "Nummi, please. I can't ... face them yet."

"Bells, if I don't take you in now Edward's gonna come out here. Don't shut him out, okay? He has some _serious_ feelings for you. Besides, the person he knows isn't the girl in the photos anymore." She turned back and smiled at me earnestly, sincerely.

"I didn't want him to know that girl—or Alice," I admitted, huffing brashly. I felt my face cloud at the idea of Renee in any way contaminating my life now, as a newly forgotten anger rose slowly to the surface; pushing all the emotion—all the pain—back.

"Bells, sooner or later you have to let people in enough to know your past. Alice and Edward are great. They came here to support you—they obviously know you have a pretty shitty history here. You can't run from it. You can't pretend it never happened." She pulled me closer to her, then slung her arm over my shoulder and squeezed me.

I smiled at her warmly, sighing deeply, begrudgingly, and half shrugging. "Yeah ... I know," I mumbled.

"You okay to hang with Edward and Alice, or do you want to hang out in my room for a bit?" she asked me, with the same undiluted concern.

If I knew one thing, it was that what I lacked in parents, I made up for in friends. Nummi, Rach and Kel, and now Edward and Alice; though, with Edward, the friendship we shared was becoming increasingly blurred into a lot more. Still, I couldn't shake the uneasiness I felt over him seeing those pictures, over him knowing so much of my past, so soon.

**...**

When I walked beside Nummi back into the living room, I immediately met Edward's anxious gaze as he rose from the sofa. I smiled lightly to reassure him, hoping to restore even a little of his confidence in me. He broke into a tender smile, while lines of worry still etched his forehead—right before I was literally engulfed by Alice as she threw her arms around me.

"Bella!" she whispered, her hushed tone alarmed, and her over anxious concern threatened to unleash another round of weariness on me.

"I'm okay, Als," I replied, clearing my throat softly. I still felt like shit with the flu after all.

When I untangled myself from Alice, I met Rach's steady deep blue eyes. She was evaluating me like she usually did, and when she saw that all was okay with me, she smiled. It quickly turned to a smirk as her eyes fell on Alice. "Are we gonna get Alice on a horse or what? I don't know about you guys, but I'm curious to see how they react to her hyperactivity."

Edward snorted, but Alice only laughed good-naturedly.

"How does Jazz keep up with you?" Nummi asked, teasing her.

"Him, keep up with me? Are you serious, he tires me out!" Was Alice's reply, to which Edward immediately groaned, only half beneath his breath.

"That's actually a little scary," Rach said with a half laugh, leading Alice out of the room, when Carol entered.

"Darl, do you mind popping down to the general store and getting a few things?" she asked Nummi, handing her the fifty-dollar bill she was pulling from her wallet.

"Uh—yeah," Nummi turned to me. "Bells, you wanna come?"

A slight ripple of panic made its way through me at the idea of venturing out and running into _people. _But I quickly consoled myself with the knowledge that Renee never went to the store to buy groceries. She ate at the bar when she wasn't feeding herself her _liquid diet_, and she rarely, if ever, fed me.

I nodded, forcing the alarm bells to the background. "Yeah, sure."

I turned to gauge Edward's reaction to a trip to the shops, when his deep voice spoke up. "Uh ... do you mind if I come too? I …" he broke off, bringing his hand to his mouth to clear his throat self-consciously, "need a toothbrush."

Nummi scoffed at him teasingly. "Of course you can come."

Carol gave her a list of items to buy and we headed out the door to the 4WD that John had picked us up in the day before.

As soon as Edward was within reach of me, I grabbed his hand. I was beginning to tremble and no amount of telling myself that I was overreacting lessened it.

He pulled me close to him and glanced down at me; his gaze still looked stricken. He didn't say anything, but he exhaled deeply; I felt it more than heard it. It was long and weary, something he was masking from me. He'd just seen the wretched proof of my past, and I knew it was still affecting him, but knowing how much he'd seen made me feel almost alien to him—exposed.

**...**

The centre of town was about a fifteen-minute drive away; the general store being just on the outskirts. Nothing had changed in the six months that I'd been gone, but then I didn't expect it to change much over the next century.

As we walked through the doors, we passed a few people. I knew every face that smiled down at me with empathy, but in general they were more curious about Edward than they were me. It made it less awkward for me and Edward seemed oblivious to it.

While Nummi busied herself putting item after item from her mother's grocery list into the shopping basket, Edward went in search of a toothbrush. I trailed after Nummi, being completely taken aback by my familiar surroundings. It was almost deja vu, as though I had come here in a dream. I had so many memories of stopping by after school to buy myself dinner with the money The General had been sending me, or stealing food when I was younger when Renee controlled my money. I realised when I was older that the shopkeeper knew all along, and the day I left for the U.S. I sent him a card with a one hundred dollar bill inside; paying back everything I'd stolen.

"You forgot the olive oil, Num," I said to her peering over her shoulder as she checked off the items.

"Shoot! So I did."

"Hang on, I'll get it," I said simply, before going through a couple of aisles in search of it.

Nummi's mum liked the spray stuff and as luck would have it they seemed to be out. I pushed a few bottles aside in search.

"A-ha! One left," I mumbled to myself in triumph.

"BELLA!" Nummi called out to me suddenly. Her tone was rigid with alarm.

With confusion, I turned in the direction of her voice and found myself staring into the cold, unforgiving eyes of my mother.

I completely froze, my breath hitching involuntarily, the blood draining from my face. It didn't seem real. I felt like I was gazing at the monster that lived in my closet. Only she was more terrifying than anything I could conjure in my mind.

Seeing my fear, Renee sneered and made her way over to me, slowly, with deliberate intimidation, keeping her eyes locked with mine. I began trembling, and clutched at the bottle of spray oil in a feeble attempt to stop it. My flight instincts were screaming in my ears, but I couldn't move. I was rooted to the spot while my heart began to hammer so hard I felt it resounding in my temples.

"Well ... well ... well..." she drawled, "look who finally showed her face."

In the next instant she slapped me. I didn't immediately register it, or the stinging pain behind it. Rather I heard the high-pitched sound of it ringing in my ears and echoing through the store as my head was flung to the side; my hair obscuring my vision.

Grabbing me by the arm, she pulled me aggressively close to her. "How dare you fucking ignore me after I raised your useless arse—_alone_. And now—because of you—your little friend is _dead!"_

I squeezed my eyes closed, cringing away from her while the stale, distant smell of alcohol on her breath brought back an avalanche of memories. They came rushing back to me with a force more potent than her blow, and I felt myself instinctively shrink away.

"Let me go..." I uttered feebly, when without warning I was ripped from her grip and encircled roughly in a pair of arms.

_Edward!_

I pushed my face into his chest and felt the vibrating energy as he all but growled, low and full of rage.

"Back-the-fuck-off!"

"My, my," I heard Renee's arrogant response, "my daughter must be a good little whore if you followed her all the way here."

I tore from Edward's arms, stumbling blindly in my absolute panic and haste to get away. Nummi practically caught me, her arms supporting me as I fled the store.

"Don't you dare listen to her, Bella!" she almost yelled, sternly at me.

I stopped suddenly and looked over to her. I was standing on the other side of the street with her and Edward before me, their hands rose as if I was a frightened horse about to bolt. Edward's eyes were alight with dismay; in fact, his entire face was twisted with it.

My heart was hammering behind my ribs and my lungs struggled to keep up. I just gazed at them, trying to rein in my breath while my mind struggled to process what had just happened.

Alice and Edward. The two people that epitomised my new life, now infected by _her. _My two worlds colliding! Another nightmare becoming reality.

Edward and Renee!

Dropping my head, I let my eyes close with a sudden and complete helplessness.

I was never going to escape her.

I raised my hands to the sides of my face, my fingers running into my hair, my palms pressing against my temples. I wanted to rip my skin from my face, wishing I could rid my mind of the events that had just taken place. I was mortified by it—by her. Ashamed of my past and knowing there was truth behind her words.

With my eyes squeezed shut, a clarity began to settle over me. For a brief moment, I felt calm as the adrenalin coursing within me faded. But behind it was a tsunami of emotion that immediately engulfed me as the reality of what had just happened began to centre on me. It flooded through me with a horrible certainty that it had happened with Edward metres from me.

I shook my head back and forth, over and over suddenly angry. Angry that I just stood there, weak and feeble. Angry that I said absolutely nothing. Angry that she was still affecting my life, and I was powerless to stop it.

I suddenly felt like I was going to explode. My chest began heaving, my lungs struggling, inundated against the rapid intake of air. I inhaled sharply, and pressed the heel of my palm into my eyes as the first angry sob strangled from me. I continued to shake my head, beginning to feel the tender sting where my mother had slapped my cheek. She had a god damn fucking Master's degree in face slapping.

"_GOD DAMN IT_!" I burst out.

"Bella, sweetie. It's okay." It was Edward. His voice was soft now, gentle and full of trepidation.

The sobs came in a rush, and again I was caught between them and breathing—and failing at both. I looked up at him, my chest lunging in and out as I fought back the tears and struggled to gain control of my rationality; to see things clearly, to not let _her _destroy me again.

"No!" I choked out. "It's _not_ okay—_IT'S NOT OKAY!_"

"Bells, calm down, please." Nummi. She just stared at me, with worry and fear distorting her features.

"_I'M FINE_. There's nothing wrong with me—I'm f—" I broke off as the tears got the better of me. I began to pace, fighting them back and shaking my head repeatedly. Trying in vain to get on top of this, to not allow her to reduce me to this; to be strong for the first god-damn time in my fucking life!

Edward pulled me against him again, but I couldn't bare it. My skin was absolutely crawling with her and I wanted to rip it from my bones. I shoved him off me. "Don't touch me, Edward—_GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME_!"

He grabbed my hand and immediately pulled me back to face him.

"I'm not going anywhere, Bella!" There was a determined passion behind his tone; something I wanted to absorb and empower me. I had Edward Cullen on my side.

Why the hell didn't that matter?

I just shook my head and pulled my hand from his grip. I was quickly coming undone and I couldn't stop the tide of it from taking me. I was in full Renee mode now, and Edward had a front row seat to witness it.

And I couldn't bear it.

He grabbed my shoulders and shook me a little. I gazed up at him; his eyes were deep, intense and resolute. Eyes that saw Renee; knew Renee.

"Just listen to me. I'm right here. You're okay," he spoke softly to me, his tone solemn, and his eyes—I couldn't read them past the pity that burned within them.

I tore my face away as a flood of fresh tears hit me. I shoved myself from him again and buried my face in my hands, wanting to grab my hair and tear it out.

"I don't _want _you here_, Edward_!" I choked out, my voice pitifully muffled from behind my hands and compromised by the tears. But it didn't make it any less valid; I meant it. I couldn't stand the fact that he was here, in this horrible little town with me. It was _unbearable_.

"Bells, come on," Nummi pleaded with me, her voice serious.

I looked up abruptly, then turned from Nummi to Edward, pointing an accusing finger at him. "Get him away from me, Nummi!"

He took a step toward me, apprehensively.

"Bella ... you can't get rid of me that easily." His voice was resolute and still stubborn, but his tone had dropped a notch, wavering.

I could see the injured look behind his eyes; he was hurt. But it didn't deter me because it was better that he wasn't here to be affected by any of it; to be contaminated by Renee, to see what she reduced me to. To see who I really was.

"You don't get it, Edward. You shouldn't be here—I don't _WANT_ you here—you _or_ Alice! _GET ON A GOD DAMN FUCKING PLANE AND GO HOME_," I yelled at him, full of seething rage now, but I was faltering and I knew I couldn't keep it up. My hands were shaking, and every muscle in my body was beginning to quake.

My nightmare with Renee had continued, and now it involved Edward. It made my skin literally crawl. He was never supposed to know this side of me, and I could _not_ be with him now that he did. I would endure Renee all over again, but I could not have Edward be a part of it.

I stared into his eyes one last time. They stared back, holding my gaze steadily, below his knotted brow, while they deepened with a growing conflicted pain.

I turned away and fled. I didn't know where I was going, or why. Just that I had to escape my mother, this town, my existence—and Edward knowing all of it.

I continued running, my lungs burning, my heart pounding in sync with my clumsy footsteps that hit the dry planed earth. Away from him, from her and from the fact that the only one who could ever pull me from my mother's toxic clutches was dead.

In the forefront of my mind, Edward's usually intense, consuming eyes, stared straight into my soul, with unfathomable knowledge that for the first time he was seeing me.

* * *

**A/N: Oye... Thanks for reading.**


	33. Far Away

**A/N: Don't be too hard on yourself, Eddie...**

* * *

**Chapter 32**

**Far Away**

**Edward's POV**

I was distracted by a fucking Colgate toothbrush!

I'd noticed, peripherally, when Bella walked past the aisle I was in, but instead of listening to my first instinct to follow her, I went back to my four hour deliberation over fucking hard or medium bristles.

I had just decided on a blue one with freaking ridges, when Nummi rounded the corner, her eyes wide with panic, her face paling with it.

"Where's Bella?" she asked, her high, restricted voice emphasizing the seriousness behind it.

It completely surprised me, so much so that for a moment my only response was to blink blankly. I'd been doing a lot of that the last couple of days, but I was fucking confused by it.

And I really shouldn't have been.

I was just about to tell her she was a few aisles ahead of me, when she suddenly called out to her. She sounded so anxious, that my pulse quickened, while realization slowly dawned on me.

"Nummi—what?" I asked her, beginning to feel more and more uneasy.

She spoke one word—the one word I was fucking praying she wouldn't, "Renee."

I was rounding the corner in the next instant, my heart pummeling in my chest at the very idea of what this person might do to Bella—might _mean_ to Bella if she ran into her.

She wasn't down the next aisle, or the next. The third isle over was where I discovered her, but just as quickly as I spotted her, standing frozen to the spot, a woman standing before her slapped her across the face with so much force that it nearly knocked her sideways off her feet.

Something snapped deep within me, and for a moment I felt like I was the one who was struck. It stunned me, stopping me short, before I immediately exploded into action; the sheer velocity of my anger propelling me forward before my mind could catch up.

In the next instant this woman dragged Bella by the arm, pulling her toward her. Bella was unresponsive. I could see it in her entire posture; she was limp, and it evoked such a raw emotion in me that my skin almost felt electrified by it. It was both a seething rage and fear.

I reached Bella within seconds, without her or this person noticing me approach, before yanking her—probably too roughly—from this woman's grip, into my arms. She immediately turned and clung to me desperately, and it only made my rationality splinter. I was controlled only by my raging anger.

"Back-the-fuck-off!" I all but growled at this fucking bitch, the sheer anger in my tone making it tremble.

Instinctively, I turned Bella away from her, but every muscle within me was rigid and tense as I held her.

My eyes flew back to this woman; the warning behind my glare clear.

She only arched an eyebrow at me arrogantly, looking me slowly up and down. "My, my. My daughter must be a good little whore if you followed her all the way here."

I opened my mouth to reply, wanting nothing more than to punch this bitch square in the face, when Bella shoved from my arms, pushing passed me, before fleeing.

I turned, ready to catch up to her, when she all but collided with Nummi, who quickly dragged her out of the store.

I had intended to immediately follow, when I heard this woman in front of me snort. The anger brewing within me was reaching fucking boiling point, and before I was fully aware of it, I'd turned back to her and had taken a step in her direction. The cockiness of her expression fell instantly and a flicker of fear seeped into her pale eyes.

Eyes that were nothing at all like Bella's...

I had no idea what I was going to do, but before I could decide on it I was interjected by the storekeeper. He came between Bella's mother and me, edging me away from her.

"Let it go, mate," he spoke firmly, but with an edge of understanding in his voice.

I turned to leave; my focus switching back to Bella again—and the fact that this bitch of a woman had laid her fucking hands on her. That was when I acted. Whirling around, and ignoring the clerk as he placed both his hands square against my chest to restrain me, I pointed my finger at her with a direct warning.

"You stay the fuck away from her, you got me?"

She only stood there, surveying me, her eyes narrowing, before opening her mouth, fucking sneering, but before she spoke a word I was out of the store.

With her arm wrapped protectively around her shoulders, Nummi was leading Bella across the street. I caught up with them in seconds. Bella was breathing sharply, shaking her head as if to fight back her tears, her hands digging into her face. Then pulling from Nummi's arms, she merely stood there, her head lowered, her chest heaving.

"Don't you dare listen to her, Bella!" Nummi ordered her. She looked angry, but for the tone of her voice that betrayed her.

This seemed to jolt Bella, and she looked up apprehensively. Her hair was obscuring most of her face, but not well enough to conceal the welted imprint of a hand swelling across her cheek. It immediately made the anger within me resurface, then almost as quickly fade as she rose her eyes. They were fucking desolate and defeated, but a spark had ignited in them.

She was also pissed off.

She gazed at Nummi first before she turned her eyes on me, and when they met mine, they widened, smoothing out the pain etched into her brow. I raised my hands tentatively, to calm her, while the sight of her completely broken and hurt was making me fucking edgy and anxious. I wanted to take this moment from her; I wanted to kiss her cheek until the redness went away.

Her forehead began to knot again, her eyes beginning to burn with so much emotion I couldn't pin point what was more prominent. For a moment she just stared at me, before tearing her eyes from mine and squeezed them shut. Then bringing her hands to the side of her face, she pressed them into her skin, as if she was trying to shut out the madness that screamed within her.

I turned to glance at Nummi, and when she met my gaze she shook her head a little, with both anger and this desperate concern. I quickly turned back to Bella, not wanting to read just how dire the situation was from someone who knew her better than I did.

For a moment Bella seemed to calm, her breathing evening out, and she stood almost still. Then it was if an explosion was detonated inside her. Her face crumbled beneath it and her breath became gasps.

I took an immediate step toward her, but as if in reflex, she stepped away, before pressing her hands against her eyes, beginning to shake her head back and forth. A momentum was rising in her. Her breath became even more restricted and as she struggled against it she began to sob. Then removing her hands away from her eyes, revealing her pale, rigidly angry face—her eyes burning with the fire that was so obviously tearing her apart—she yelled, at the top of her lungs, full of frustration and anger.

"_GOD DAMN IT_!"

"Bella, sweetie. It's okay," I said to her making my voice as tender and as soothing as I could.

This only seemed to piss her off; though, every fiber of her expression was flooded with pain and magnified in her eyes. "No!" she uttered between sobs. "It's _not_ okay—_IT'S NOT OKAY!_"

I just wanted to drag her to me. Watching her suffer like this before me was ripping my fucking heart through my chest, but I wasn't sure how she'd react if I touched her.

"Bells, calm down, please," Nummi pleaded with her, reaching out to her, but Bella again stepped back.

"I'M FINE!" she yelled out defiantly—though she was far from it. "There's nothing wrong with me. I'm f-fi—" her voice caught, becoming choked, before she completely broke down.

It was more than I could grasp. Taking a single step, I enfolded her against me, feeling her trembling body against mine for little more than a moment before she promptly pulled away from me.

"Don't touch me, Edward!" she demanded, her anger flaring to the surface again. "_GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME_!"

I just gazed at her flushed face, and that fucked up desolate look of pain reflecting in her eyes, but it only made me more determined. Grabbing her hand, I pulled her back to me.

"I'm not going anywhere, Bella!" I said stubbornly.

She just stared up at me for a moment, becoming breathless and shaking like a leaf. It was if she was trying to comprehend what was happening; or if she was trying to comprehend me. I really had no fucking idea. Then shaking her head again, she tore her hand from mine and squeezed her eyes shut.

I _would_ get through to her. I would let her know that her mother—her past meant nothing to me. That I loved her for the girl I knew back home in Forks, and that knowing who her mother was would never change that fact.

Reaching out, I grabbed her shoulders, shaking her a little, forcing her to meet my gaze. She snapped her eyes open and stared so deeply at me, looking so fucking lost and helpless.

"Just listen to me," I spoke to her intently, determined to make her see what she meant to me. "I'm right here. It's gonna be okay."

But even as I spoke it I wasn't sure that it would be, and it was fucking killing me that she was being torn apart.

She only blinked, her forehead puckering as if she didn't understand, before she again turned from me. I let her go with a defeated sigh, and could only watch as she covered her face with her hands and sobbed.

"I don't want you here, _Edward_!" Her voice was choked and muffled by her hands, but she fucking meant it.

I had opened my mouth to speak, but immediately shut it, faltering, feeling fucking injured. It was the way she'd emphasized my name, fucking coldly and with an American accent; as if she was mocking me.

Nummi beside me spoke up, "Bells, come on." And when I turned to her, she looked more fucking helpless than I felt, that I began to realize just how serious it was; how badly Bella was reacting.

Bella shook her head again; her face was burning with anger, despite the fact that she was fighting back her tears. Then, turning her eyes on me, she pointed her finger at me, fucking accusingly—as if I was the reason this was happening. "Get him away from me, Nummi!"

I took another tentative step towards her despite the fact that I felt like she'd just punched the fuck out of me, but she immediately stumbled away, almost losing her footing.

"Bella ... you can't get rid of me that easily," I said to her lowly, but I was already beginning to fucking doubt everything. She didn't want me here; what could I do?

She only stared at me for a moment again, until something behind her eyes flickered and her posture changed. Right in front of my eyes, she switched herself off.

"You don't get it, Edward," she snapped, her tone hard and sarcastic. "You shouldn't be here. I don't _want_ you here—you _or _Alice!" her voice suddenly, rose and with it all her anger and frustration, directed straight at me. "_GET ON A GOD DAMN FUCKING PLANE AND GO HOME_!"

She was glaring at me now and her words were like fucking acid. I just held her gaze, stubbornly letting her know that she wasn't scaring me off. When it came to a battle of wills, she always kicked my ass, but her fucking mother meant nothing to me. I just had no idea how I was going to get that through to her.

She was so completely fucking fractured that as I looked at her, I barely recognized her. This girl in front of me wasn't the same one I knew back home. This girl had been poisoned, and she hated the world at that moment, and me most of all...

Still, I continued to gaze at her, watching as she crumbled, almost shrinking away from me, until she was unable to hold my eyes. Then turning away from me, she began to run.

I immediately moved to go after her, when Nummi grabbed my hand. "Edward, don't," she paused, sighing heavily. "Just let her go."

I turned back almost incredulously. "You're okay with her taking off, _alone_?"

Nummi's eyes filled with tears. "Of course I'm not! But this is what Renee does to her. She needs some time to deal with it."

Turning back, I watched as Bella's retreating body stumbled further away. I was anxious, and my legs were restless, itching to chase after her.

"I can't ... I can't just leave her here!" I stammered, feeling like a useless prick and not having a single clue what the fuck I was supposed to do.

"Edward," Nummi said more firmly, "if you go after her and force her back you will make her worse. The fact that you witnessed what happened is tearing her apart. She will not want you anywhere near her."

"I don't give a fuck about her mother!" I snapped.

"It doesn't matter," she replied, her tone softening, but sounding more frustrated. "Do you think she's behaving rationally right now?"

"I..." I began before abandoning it, because I had no fucking clue what Bella was thinking, and it only made me feel useless.

Releasing my breath heavily, I reached up and rubbed the back of my head, fucking conceding, but when I met Nummi's gaze a moment later it was with resignation. "So ... every time she looks at me now, she'll be thinking about what happened today?"

Nummi sighed, deeply, drawing it out, before nodding. "For a while, she will. But she'll get past it."

I only huffed, but I was feeling defeated, and weary all of a sudden. "So what now? We just wait until she comes back?"

I turned back in the direction Bella had fled, before back to Nummi, debating with myself again whether or not I should go after her. My gut feeling told me yes, while reminding myself again that Nummi knew Bella a hell of a lot more than I did and I needed to listen to her.

Nummi pulled a cell phone out of her pocket and began dialing, explaining to me, apologetically as she waited for it to answer, "I'm calling Chris."

What the fuck!

My back immediately tensed and straightened, fucking indignant. I couldn't go after her, but fucking _Thor_ could?

I only stared down at her, unable to answer without saying something fucked up and jealous, while I could feel my face darken. She opened her mouth to reply to my obvious opposition to the idea when she was cut off by a voice on the other end.

I listened as she quickly explained the situation, while I tried to get a handle on the very same emotion I felt when I thought Bella had gone on a date with _Weasel Newton._

Nummi switched her phone off and turned to me with a pleading expression in her eyes. "Edward, you need to understand. Bella spent most of her life with Kel's family. Chris is like her brother. Kel was always the only one who could talk her around after shit like this happened, and I don't know if Chris will be able to, but it's all I can think of!"

And I got the impression she was telling me something else, as well: and you know fuck all about her life, so you can't help her.

I only placed my hands on my hips in defiance, forcing the air through my nose, pissed off and offended, but more than anything I was fucking uncertain—about everything, but her most of all. These people she grew up with—Chris—would be better for her than I would be at the moment. I _couldn't_ help her, whether Nummi had told me outright or not, because in reality I barely knew her or her life before Forks.

Conceding, I nodded begrudgingly. "Okay..."

We waited for what seemed like an hour to hear from Chris while we sat in Nummi's parked car, when in reality it was closer to ten minutes. When he called, letting Nummi know that he had Bella with him, I was immediately relieved that she was okay, only to be reminded again that she was with another guy who was able to get through to her when I couldn't. Bella was _my_ girlfriend—finally after all the shit that I'd gone through to get her. That I couldn't be there for her, fucking killed me.

The drive back to the house was in silence. Nummi seemed nervous, and lost in thought while I struggled to get a grip on both the fucking resentment, as well as the edginess and anxiety, while trying not to focus on what Bella had said to me. It wasn't fucking easy. Nummi had told me persistently, while we were waiting for Chris' phone call, that Bella didn't mean it. Deep down, I knew she didn't; deep down I knew that Bella didn't want me to be a part of her old life and she was simply reacting to the shock of her mother. But, it still fucking gutted me.

The moment we walked through the front door, Rach zeroed in on Nummi. She seemed to know in an instant exactly why Bella wasn't with us, while all Alice could do was stare at me puzzled and with rising alarm at the no doubt expression on my face—that I had no hope of masking.

"Christ ... don't tell me..." Rach spoke with dread.

Nummi merely nodded in resignation.

"_Fuck_…" Rach mumbled, dragging her hands through her hair just as Nummi's mother came into the room.

She took one glance at Nummi then at me, before she released the air from her lungs in a frustrated sounding sigh. "Where is she?"

"Chris," Nummi answered sedately.

"What happened?" Rach asked, she sounded resigned, but with growing anger.

"She ... slapped her," Nummi answered quietly, her forehead creasing.

It immediately flashed through my mind, making me almost physically react to it. How Bella's face had jerked sideways, her hair flying out and covering the side of her face—that had immediately burned deep red.

"Jesus _Christ_, Nummi!" Rach suddenly snapped, bringing my attention back to her. "Didn't we agree that if Bella went into town one of us was always with her in case this very thing happened!"

She couldn't really blame Nummi; I wasn't with her either.

After seeing those photos of Bella, a broken, abused child, I should have understood the danger of running into her mother. I had come to Australia to protect and support her and I'd fucked up after the second day. To see the pain in her eyes through a photograph was one thing, but to see it right before me was another. When Bella was yelling at me, I saw that little girl she once was staring back at me. It was like a fucking sledgehammer smashing its way through my chest.

Nummi's mother kept us preoccupied with food and drinks—that none of us touched—while we waited for Bella to return, as we sat distracted with our own thoughts and avoiding each other's gazes, when Alice broke the silence.

"When Bella was being abused by her mother, did anyone ever call the authorities?"

"They came out when Bella was about thirteen, I think," Rach explained. "She got the beating of her life when they went, even though she backed up everything _her mother _told them."

"I know mum called them a few times, but we're kind of ignored out here in the bush," Nummi replied, scoffing and rolling her eyes.

"That and the fact that her slag of a mother slept through every copper in town," Rach added, her expression twisting.

Carol arrived in the room and placed four cups of coffee on the coffee table we were sitting around. Then sighing wearily, she continued the story, "By that time we were able to look out for her better anyway. Her mother's reputation began cracking amongst her few allies, so she started keeping the abuse very private, but by then Bella was rarely at home."

"Only she'd go home of her own choice, always drawn back to that piece of shit excuse for a parent until the very end," Rach added, bitterly.

Carol sat on the couch next to me and sighed. "You have to understand that her mother was all she knew. It was natural for her to desperately crave her mother's love and attention."

"Where was her father?" I suddenly demanded, sounding rude and disrespectful, but I couldn't find it in myself to give a shit.

Carol cleared her throat softly before explaining, "I think her father came to town maybe five or six times, and I doubted he was aware of anything."

"Jesus," Alice whispered, meeting my gaze, her eyebrows bunched together, "when Bella told us that her mother never loved her, I had no idea..."

"Never loved her?" Nummi scoffed sarcastically. "If only that—hang on ... what?" she suddenly broke off, staring from Alice to me, dumbfounded.

"Bella told you her mother never loved her?" Rach asked with genuine surprise.

"Yeah," it was me who answered.

"Why...?" Alice asked with growing confusion.

"The fact that Bella even mentioned her mother—shit, we've known her most of her life and the only time she'd ever bring her up was when we forced her to," Rach explained, looking over to Nummi as if for validation, who immediately nodded.

"It's obvious that Bella feels safe in Forks," Carol commented.

"And it's obvious that she feels something _strong_ for the two of you!" Rach said pointedly, glancing from Alice to me with a small, rueful smile.

**...**

After about two hours of sitting in the living room, and going into periodical small talk regarding Bella's childhood, that seemed to disturb Nummi and Rach to the point that they fell quiet, Chris finally pulled up noisily in the gravelly driveway close to the house. Bella was sitting in the passenger side, her eyes downcast, and her shoulders drawn. I stood up, my heart quickening, as my body flushed with its usual predictable fucking surge of heat as I watched Bella exit the car.

Chris came to the passenger side and put his arm over her shoulders, immediately making me tense, as anger swelled within me; knowing if this was anyone else I would have flattened the prick. But it wasn't anyone else; He wasn't Newton, and I was acting like an irrational, jealous dick!

When Bella entered through the front door, her eyes flickered in my direction but she turned her head away immediately and disappeared down the hall with the girls; Carol included. This was not before I noticed the bruise that was appearing on her face, and was hit by a flood of emotions that, for a brief moment, threatened my self-control.

When I looked up, probably looking as fucked up as I felt, I met Chris' eyes. He was peering at me apprehensively, his expression knotted as if he was gauging me.

"Mate ... do you want to go out back for a beer or something?"

I shrugged, trying to get hold of the anger I was feeling for him, when I should have been feeling fucking grateful. "Sure."

I sat down on the outdoor timber furniture with a can of _"Tooheys" _in front of me, as Chris took the chair across from me, continuing to eye me closely.

"You're pissed off, and I can't blame you for that," he finally spoke, the faintest grin appearing across his face before it fell.

I shook my head feeling like the infantile dickhead that I was, when he quickly continued.

"It's okay—I understand. It's right with me," he paused and took a gulp of his beer before he continued, "I had a chat with her for a bit and she talked about you a lot. She's really upset that you've seen things that she didn't want you to know. She's ashamed—"

I opened my mouth to interject and tell him she didn't have to be ashamed around me, but he nodded quickly and held up his hand to stop me. "I know, but this is just how she deals with it all. She takes it all on alone and she pushes people away rather than have them know what's really goin' on."

I took a sip of my beer, coughing into my hand to hide the grimace. Chris knew exactly what I was doing, and again a small smirk lit up on his face but disappeared just as quickly.

"Does she really want me to go back home?"

"Shit, no!" he said adamantly. "She might have said so, and she might even think she does, but if you did that I think she'd fall apart."

I nodded, taking a deep breath as I contemplated it, not really believing him.

"Look, mate, my advice is, give her a few days. She'll come around and when she does, do us a favor?" he asked.

I looked over at him surprised. He met my eyes steadily, but his expression was strained; he took another gulp from his beer.

"Yeah...?" I asked beginning to feel uncertain.

"Tell her to stop beating herself up over not coming back straight after—" his voice stopped abruptly and he cleared his throat thickly before he continued; with what was obviously difficult for him, "after Kel got into the accident."

I nodded slowly, but scoffed softly. "I'll try, but fuck me, she carries guilt like no one I've ever known."

Chris only nodded, kind of ironically smiling in understanding.

**...**

I expected Bella to be withdrawn, to lay low. I didn't see her for the rest of the afternoon and she didn't come to dinner. Alice told me that she'd insisted she wasn't hungry, but Carol still took a plate of food to her, anyway.

There wasn't really much I could do. Bella wasn't comfortable with the idea of having me around her at the moment, and with the girls staying close to her, John and Brian kept me with them.

That night they got at least four "_middys" _into me. Carol rescued me when they were going for a fifth round, ushering me off to bed before I could puke my dinner up over the patio pavement. Staggering to the bathroom, I had a shower, gaining some of my equilibrium back, before drinking bucketfuls of water—Emmett's one and only brotherly advice if I was going to drink in the future—then went to bed.

The fucking screeching of those white birds woke me again at 6:00am the next morning. Getting dressed, I headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth; I had a God awful taste in my mouth that was churning my stomach. When I stepped back in the hall afterward, Nummi, Rach and Alice were leaving their room; Bella wasn't with them.

"Hey,_ Edwud._" Nummi smiled at me.

"How is she?" I asked her seriously. "Erm ... hi!"

Her mouth tugged into a small smile before it fell with a sigh.

Beside her Rach scoffed and piped up before Nummi could answer, "Mute."

"W-what do you mean?" I asked, stammering, my fingers finding the skin of my brow subconsciously.

"She's barely spoken to any of us, Edward," Alice answered, her eyes rising to meet mine without disguising her concern. "And she can barely_ look_ at me_._"

"She'll come around. She always does," Rach muttered, not sounding very confident, though, while the expression on Nummi's face all but cemented it.

Bella didn't appear at breakfast, and just after I finished, Brian dragged me off for a back breaking day's work of hard labor, fixing containment fences. By the time Carol came out with lunch, I was already fucked up. She made sure I had enough ginger ales to keep the _long necks_ John and Brian were drinking out of my hands, with a small understanding smile in my direction, before she headed back. There was no way I could drag the freaking size of the logs they used for fence railings, under the blaring sun, with half a dozen beers in my system. The last thing I wanted was to look like was a pussy, passing out in front of these two men that would have put Emmett to shame.

By the time the "_hard yakka" _was done for the day, it was getting dark and I was hot, sweating, and fucking exhausted. Despite this, my muscles that were stiff and aching, felt like they were buzzing with energy, and I was anxious to see how Bella was doing. But any hopes that a day with the girls would help her come around, were soon shattered when she appeared for dinner.

She didn't speak a word, and despite the fact that my eyes never left her the entire time, hers barely rose in my direction at all. They were empty—vacant—which wasn't like her at all, and she still had that beyond fucking broken expression on her face. On top of this, the forming bruise she'd had on her face the day before, had now covered almost her entire cheekbone.

Later that night Nummi had the idea to watch a DVD. Bella, who had quietly agreed to it, didn't show up, and half way through it, having paid absolutely no attention to it at all, I went to bed.

My heart was racing with the familiar panic that seemed to have become ingrained into me over the past six months since Bella had come into my life. But I was so fucking tired I fell asleep with the edginess following me into my dreams.

The laughing birds woke me up the next day. I preferred them to the white screechers, even though the sound of them was beyond creepy. When I turned to glance at the clock, I jumped out of bed in shock. It was almost 9:00am!

No Bella at breakfast, though since they'd been up since seven it wasn't surprising. Alice wandered into the kitchen when I was finishing up and informed me that Carol had taken Bella out with her for the day.

"Is she any better?" I asked.

She sighed and pushed her fingers through her hair before sitting beside me at the breakfast table. "No, and Rach and Nummi are getting worried. She just looks so ... _lost_, and just my presence seems to make her really uncomfortable. It's terrible, Edward!"

She was lost, and I couldn't find her. I couldn't find where she was to drag her back to me; not when I made her more fucking uncomfortable than Alice.

The overall mood with Nummi and Rach began to grow a lot more sedate, and I almost stupidly forgot the reason I was there. Kel's funeral was the next day, and there was an element of dread in the back of my mind about going. It brought me down to earth quickly and with my anxiousness over Bella, I began to feel plagued with an increasing sense of helplessness. Making me wonder what the fuck I was even doing here.

Later in the afternoon, with Carol home, she had me peeling potatoes for Dinner. I think it was her way of keeping me away from the guys and the huge quantities of beer that they were used to drinking—that I definitely wasn't.

Bella didn't look at me when she arrived back at the house. She didn't look at any of us, but she spoke a fractured _"hey, guys"_ before disappearing down the hall. Not long after she went with the girls out the back, which had left me pretty much stranded and _unwelcome_.

Carol kept me busy chatting, and I found I wasn't so stumped by the language as much as I used to be. I picked up on the fact that when she muttered, _"bloody mozzies"_ and began spraying bug spray, she was obviously referring to mosquitoes, and when she asked me if I could hear the "_ambos_", she meant _ambulance_; though, it still took me a moment.

She was in and out of the kitchen a lot, while I became distracted as I watched Bella through the window—as my freaking hands cramped up from using the potato peeler. The four of them were sitting cross-legged on the grass chatting. Bella, obvious that she wasn't speaking, had pulled her knees to her chest, resting her chin on them looking like she was miles away.

The next thing I did was run the peeler over the knuckle of my thumb, slicing off a layer of skin with it.

_"_Fuck my life!" I muttered under my breath, bringing my thumb to my mouth and sucking the blood from it.

I was holding it under the running faucet, grumbling away to myself, when I realized that Bella was in the room staring at me—at my bleeding thumb—with a furrowed brow. When I looked at her she met my gaze, held it for a fraction of a second before grabbing a glass from the counter and leaving the room hastily.

I left the room too, in the opposite fucking direction out the front door, my pissed off, frustrated footsteps thudding through the gravel loudly.

Not long after, I became aware that someone was running to catch up with me, and I didn't need to turn around to know it wasn't Bella.

Alice.

"Edward, are you okay?" she asked me breathlessly when she was within a few feet, grabbing my hand to stop me. "Bella said you cut your finger."

"What the fuck am I doing here, Alice?" I whirled around to face her, my voice rising angrily. "She doesn't want me here!"

I kicked up a wave of gravel and stones in frustration, dragging both my hands through my hair as a swelling of emotion began to fucking ache within me. Taking a heavy breath, I walked to the fence and leaned over it, bringing my hands roughly to the burning skin of my face.

"Edward ... are you okay?" Alice asked me again, timidly, after a minute where I wasn't sure whether I wanted to start roaring in complete and utter pissed off frustration, or start fucking crying!

"I'm fine, Alice!" I snapped, without looking at her, my voice becoming fucking choked.

"No, you're not. You're hurting because she's hurting," she stated softly.

"Alice, did it ever occur to you to mind your own damn fucking business," I retorted, tearing my hands away from my face to glare at her.

Ignoring me, she stepped up on the first rung of the fence railing so she was on my eye level. "Give me a hug."

"Alice..." I sighed.

But the little rat had already wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me close.

"She needs you, Edward. She's going to crack and soon, and in the meantime I don't want you feeling this way!" she said softly, before she planted an impulsive kiss on my cheek. "Now stop being such a _sooky sooky_ or I'll tell Emmett when we get home."

"I hate to disappoint you, Alice, but you were born in _Chicago_," I said to her, feeling my lips twitch into a small begrudging smirk.

She only whacked me.

* * *

**A/N: Hope you liked, and go easy on Bella; she's in a bad place.**


	34. The Funeral

**A/N: Getting close... only 15 left?**

* * *

**Chapter 33**

**The Funeral**

**Edward's POV**

By the time when we were assembled ready to get into the cars to go to Kel's funeral the next day, Bella was worse.

She looked so fucking beautiful that it almost floored me—but at the same time she was ... blank. Where ever the hell she was it wasn't with us, or me.

Nummi held steadfast to her hand; though, she was obviously struggling with her own grief, and for a moment I couldn't tell who looked more fucked up. Her or Bella. Rach had hidden herself behind a large pair of black sunglasses that covered half of her face, but she was fooling no one.

The overall air was so heavy that I was beginning to feel really fucking impacted by it.

Alice and I rode to the church with John, and inside we took our seats with Nummi's family; sitting a couple of rows back from the white coffin and the photo of the pretty, smiling blond girl who I somehow felt I knew.

The coffin was closed.

Bella sat almost directly in front of me with Kel's family, beside Kel's mother, with Nummi and Rach, her head lowered and her shoulders drawn. It was all I could do not to reach out and squeeze her shoulder—something, to let her know that I was still here.

Freaking Alice must have been reading me, because just before the impulse struck me, she grabbed my hand and forced it back to my lap. When I turned to scowl at the little rat, it all but fell from my face from the sheer fucked up expression on her face. It wasn't the first time I'd seen that look on her face.

Sighing, I only squeezed her hand and let it go.

The priest began the sermon, before members of Kel's family rose to speak. By this time I was beginning to fucking struggle. The last funeral I had been to was my father's; it was bringing it all back, and it didn't freaking help that beside me Alice was openly bawling.

It was then that Bella, Rach and Nummi stood up. Rach and Nummi spoke first, reading out a sad, but light-hearted poem that almost brought out laughter from inside the church. Bella stood fractionally behind them, before she took the podium. For a moment she just stood there, eventually catching my gaze, before she cleared her throat softly and looked down, unfolding a small piece of paper she was holding.

Then taking a heavy breath, she began; her voice wavering and completely fucking heart wrenching:

"My life goes on without you,  
but nothing is the same.  
I have to hide my heartbreak,  
when someone speaks your name.

Sad are the hearts that love you,  
silent are the tears that fall,  
but living each day without you,  
is the hardest part of all.

You did so many things for me,  
your heart was kind and true.  
And when I needed someone,  
I could always count on you.

You made me laugh, you dried my tears,  
you gave me courage to make me see.  
But I never got to say goodbye,  
or tell you what you mean to me.

The years with you will never return,  
when it was the four of us together  
But, Kel, I swear..."

She faltered, her voice finally breaking, and for a moment she paused, fighting back the tears, when she'd done so bravely up until that point that a part of me wanted to cry _for_ her. In fact, the pressure building in my throat was almost fucking overwhelming me.

Taking another shaky breath in, she pushed through it, her voice a broken, barely audible whisper:

"But Kel, I swear, I will never forget you.  
You will live in my heart forever."

And right then she shredded me.

Clearing my throat, I bunched my brow heavily to stop myself from losing it, because seeing Bella so broken—in so much pain—was fucking crippling me.

Beside me, the little rat hugged me, as I pressed the heel of my palm into my eyes, struggling to hold it together.

When I looked back up and over at Bella again, confident that I didn't look too fucking distraught, she was being hugged by Nummi and Rach who were completely inconsolable. But Bella wasn't crying like I expected her to be; she had reverted back to that numb, fucking hollow shell.

She took her seat again, her eyes fixed to the floor, as Kel's mother embraced her. Bella raised her hands and placed them around her, but she seemed to be on autopilot, mechanical, and completely detached.

The next event was a slide show of photos of Kel throughout her life to the most hauntingly fucking saddest song I'd ever heard.

Glancing down at the program I had been clutching tightly, I read it: _In The Arms Of An Angel, by Sarah Mclaughlin._

Bella was in a lot of the pictures that came on the screen; the same photos I'd seen a few days before on that fucked up day she ran into her mother. And like those, she rarely smiled, looking almost like a ghost who was never meant to be in the photos at all. It made my emotions reverse in an instant. I was fucking pissed off, and with resolve pushing its way to the front of my thoughts, I silently vowed that I had to get through to her—I wouldn't let her be a fucking ghost any more.

But first I had to crack through that shell of hers, and then make her cry, because I knew what it was doing to her while she was holding it in. I'd been there before, and it wasn't a good fucking place to be.

The service ended and we made our way to the cemetery. Only a handful of people were there that I felt out of place. I kept Alice and I a respectable distance away, watching as Bella dropped a rose on top of Kel's coffin as it was lowered. Outwardly, she seemed in complete control, but I knew behind her eyes—behind those fucked up haunted eyes of hers—was emptiness.

**...**

The wake was held at Kel's parent's house, with me and Alice quickly becoming an attraction for the locals.

Small fucking towns…

A few approached me and asked who I was—immediately curious by my obvious non-Australian accent. When I replied that I was Bella's boyfriend this seemed to interest them more. Not that I knew what the fuck we really were! Luckily, after the torture of explaining the mechanics of me and Bella to a couple of people who mistook my fucking accent as hearing loss—raising their voices as if they were fucking talking to a geriatric in a nursing home—Mick rescued me with the offer of a _tinnie_ with him, shortly after.

Jesus.

These Australians really had a multitude of ways of saying _beer_. It was no wonder they were so fond of the stuff.

In any sense, it kept me distracted from Bella. I hadn't seen her since we'd arrived, and I was becoming more and more anxious for her. I couldn't drink this shit, until I made sure she was okay—in the barest fucking sense of the word, at least.

Clutching a can of _VB_ and telling Mick I'd be back, I went in search for her—eventually tracking her down out in the rear paddocks, feeding a handful of grass to a white horse.

I approached her apprehensively, but she didn't appear to have heard me until she realized I was beside her—when she practically jumped out of her skin.

"Bella..." I began gently, but with uncertainty, because I really had no fucking idea what to say to her, so I just left it unspoken.

She only sighed deeply and dropped her head to the ground momentarily before she turned to me. When she met my gaze again, I realized that I didn't know this girl—this Bella who grew up on the other side of the world from me. All the pens and every Bio class with her—even Prom—meant shit. She'd kept me out deliberately, and now I knew why.

"Edward, can we talk about this later?" she asked, dropping her eyes from me to the ground again, but I knew she had no intention of having any "later" with me.

"Sure," I mumbled in resignation, shoving my hands in my pockets and shrugging, and with that she turned away and walked back inside.

Well, I'd done what I'd intended to do; I found out she was OK—even if it was the last fucking thing she was.

Inhaling a huge breath, I let it out with complete frustration. "What the fuck am I supposed to do with you, Bella?" I muttered to myself, before returning to the house, well behind her.

On my way back to what I was sure was another round of beer drinking with Mick, John or Chris, Rach intercepted me.

"Did she talk to you, Edward?" she asked, her eyes glinting with hope.

I shook my head, and she huffed impatiently.

"I'm getting fed up with this," she grumbled, before turning and disappearing into the crowds.

I drank two beers with Mick before giving up the charade and getting a can of coke on the third round—as much as I wanted to bury my sorrows and pass out.

I continued to keep an eye out for Bella; she stayed with Nummi and Alice for the most part. She talked, she ate, she even managed to smile from time to time, but the more I watched her the more it became obvious that she was withdrawing further and further away. It made me feel so fucking edgy that I ended up stiff and aching—and fucking exhausted.

Towards the end of the day, when the house began emptying, Rach approached me. Sitting on the sofa beside me, she handed me a can of coke without saying a word. I took it, flashing her a semi-curious grin, and when she returned it, all she managed was a pissed off, troubled kind of expression.

"Are you okay, Rach?" I asked her dubiously.

She huffed sharply. "I'm going to have to do something drastic with Bella—I'm just letting you know," she finally confessed.

"What do you mean?" I asked her, my brow etching.

She shook her head to herself suddenly, before abruptly standing up; grabbing my hand as she went. Dragging me behind her, she walked straight up to Bella, and immediately my heart fucking stalled.

Releasing my hand, Rach then grabbed Bella's. "Nums, you take Edward and Alice back home. Bella and I are gonna go out for a bit."

Bella immediately opened her mouth to protest, but Rach cut her off sharply, "You have no say in this, Bells—sorry."

"Where are you going?" Nummi asked Rach as Bella threw me a scornful fucking glare—as though I had something to do with it.

I shook my head to her, conveying that I was just as confused as she was, but she wasn't buying it. But then when did Bella ever by into my crap?

"Just out. We won't be long," Rach answered simply, before turning to look down at Bella. "Come on, Bells. We'll stop off and get changed first."

And with that she dragged a reluctant, grumbling Bella away.

"Bloody hell..." Nummi whispered to herself, reaching up to rub her forehead before her eyes turned to me. "What's going on, Edward?"

I shook my head and shrugged, raising my hands simultaneously. "I have no idea. Honestly."

"Where do you think they're going?" Alice asked her, her eyes turning from Nummi to meet mine, fucking suspiciously.

"Jesus, Alice—I said I didn't know anything!" I burst, rolling my eyes blatantly at the little rat.

Nummi's gaze centered on me for a moment before she shook her head. "When Rach gets an idea in her head..." she left the sentence unfinished as a worried look began working its way into her expression.

My heart started thudding. I wasn't sure why I felt nervous, but I did, and the look on Nummi's face did nothing to relieve it.

"I guess it's time we left anyway," she mumbled.

Kel's mother hugged Alice and I as we said our goodbyes, whispering an emotionally fucking charged, "Look after her," in my ear before she released me.

I nodded awkwardly, finding her pain practically unbearable—almost fucking cowering from it. I knew that look in her eyes; I'd seen it before, and the last thing I wanted to do was relive it. But I also knew exactly what Bella was going through—how much she was hurting, and how much it fucking hurt me to witness it.

**...**

Nummi didn't say much on the way home; in fact, she was quiet most of the afternoon and into the night as we waited for Rach and Bella to return. At midnight, with no sign of them, we made the pretense of going to bed; though, there wasn't a chance any of us would be sleeping.

I had a shower, taking my time, and before I made my way back to the kid's room, I knocked apprehensively on Nummi's bedroom door.

"They're not back yet, Edward," Alice answered.

I only sighed, feeling fucking deflated.

They finally arrived about thirty minutes later; Rach's car coming to a skid in the gravel driveway just outside the kid's bedroom window. I was so fucking relieved, I sat immediately up in bed, reefing my hand back through my hair, just as I paused.

What I was hearing didn't quite register with me. I only sat in fucking confusion, feeling my brow crease heavily, at the sound of Bella ... _laughing_. Not just laughing, but really cracking up, followed by the sound of Rach's voice; her tone bemused, but slightly stern—as though she was talking to a kid.

As they approached my door their voices became louder. Bella was giggling—it still sounded fucking odd to me, while the reason for it was lost on me.

Just as they were passing my door, and while I debated with myself whether to open it and find out what the fuck was going on, Bella suddenly burst through it.

"_EDWARD_!" she exclaimed, promptly throwing herself into my arms.

Fuck me, she was drunk. Not just drunk, but completely fucking wasted. The smell of alcohol on her almost knocked me out the minute she came through the door; it was reeking from her.

"Jesus, Rach!" I exclaimed, fucking exasperated.

She only smiled back, looking remorseful and guilty. "She hasn't let it go yet, but it's only a matter of minutes now I reckon."

Suddenly pulling herself from my arms, Bella grabbed both my hands.

"You right with her?" Rach asked me.

"Yeah," I replied over my shoulder, flashing her a quick understanding smile, as Bella dragged me further into the room.

"Come here, Edward—I gotta show ya something?" Bella said almost maniacally before suddenly jumping up onto the bed, clumsily, almost losing her footing.

I sprang up after her; to stop her going backwards off the bed and breaking her neck.

She was giggling again, before she began pulling her sweater awkwardly over her head.

"Erm ... Bella..." I mumbled, unsure what the hell I was supposed to do with her, before she managed to pull it off, throwing it to the floor.

I immediately groaned beneath my breath; she was wearing a tight fitting, gray singlet top underneath that was so sheer that it was practically transparent. Then she began inching that upwards, exposing her entire stomach and her—

"Do you like it?" she asked, biting her lip, her eyes wide and bright.

She had her belly button pierced, and fuck—was it wrong for me to think it was hot?

"Umm, it's—" I began, feeling a surge of heat flood my veins, before Bella grabbed both my hands and placed them over top of the sexy as all hell piercing.

"Feel it—it doesn't even hurt!"

Her skin was sultry warm and soft, and through it I could feel her abdominal muscles twitch from my hands. She might have been completely hammered, but it was right about then that every primal instinct I'd ever had for Bella awoke and came out to play.

It didn't help that right then she grabbed me by the waist band of my pajama pants and pulled me flush against her.

Of course, with my brain and my dick now working against me, I instinctively reacted to her, pressing completely unrestrained in my flannel pants into her lower abdomen.

She pulled back and gazed up at me, an eyebrow cocked, her eyes twinkling, looking fucking devious. "Well, hello, _Daddy_!"

"Bell—" I began, when she suddenly smashed her lips against mine, and ironically my stomach immediately churned; I could taste the metallic of the alcohol on them.

I pulled her back gently; she was smiling drunkenly, swaying a little, before reacting by wrapping her arms around my neck and running her fingers through my hair.

"Edward?" she whispered, her hot, vodka laced breath washing over my ear, just as another insurgence of desire burned through me.

"_Bella?"_ I teased her, by mocking her tone in an attempt to distract myself.

Naturally, Bella as drunk as she was, didn't catch on.

"I want to see if you really do have a big pen."

Oh, Jesus!

"Show me?" she continued to half speak, half slur. Her lips brushed my ear lobe before she gazed up at me through her eyelashes in a way that was completely too erotic for someone so fucked up drunk.

"Babe, how about we get you some coffee?" I cleared my throat, seriously needing to slap myself together.

"Hmmmm," she hummed as though she was contemplating it, "nope." And with that she inched her fingers under the waist band of my pajama pants, almost coming into direct contact with me, before I quickly pulled her hands free.

"Oh, God, Bella..." I groaned, bringing her hands up to my lips. "You can't do that…"

She just stared up at me, her eyes widening. "I can't…?"

I opened my mouth to speak, when she again merged her lips with mine, and for a brief moment all my will power practically came crashing down upon her.

"Bella?" I mumbled with her mouth still pressed against mine, before gently pulling her back and sighing. My fucking dick was beginning to feel bi-polar. "You have no idea how much I want you to, but I can't in all honesty take advantage of you like this."

She wasn't listening; her mouth was curved into a drunken smile, while her eyes zeroed in on my lips as I spoke. "Oh ... Edward. Always thinking too much. Way, way, waaaaay too much."

I only scoffed softly, grinning to myself, because as drunk as she was, she was still seeing through me—and that alone was making me ten times hornier than her wanting to play with my pen.

Wrapping my arm around her waist, I carefully helped her down off the bed. "Come on, beautiful. We're going to get a lot of coffee into you."

Shaking her head, she pushed away from me, staggering a little, before I reached out to immediately steady her.

"Noooo. No coffee, Ed—" she hiccuped, "—_wud._ I want you to take ad-vantage of me." She swayed, smiling up at me slyly again.

"Coffee first, then I'll take advantage of you, okay?"

She shook her head again, placing both her hands on my chest to stop me. "Just talk to me for a while ... kay?"

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked her, reaching out to tuck a long strand of her wavy hair behind her ear, my voice dropping too soft.

I was one sick, horny bastard!

"I want to talk 'bout how much of a _spunk _you are!" She reached out and took my hands, before stepping closer to me and angling her face to mine. "And how when you take your clothes off in Bio it makes me _red-hot_ crazy." Her voice lowered, but her words were slurring more and more. "And how when you talk, I don't hear nuthin' else ... and when you touch me," she paused and placed both my hands on her upper sides, so that my thumbs were covering the soft, fleshy skin of her breasts, "I don't _feel_ nuthin' else."

Jesus, I was in trouble!

She staggered against me and for a minute was still.

Taking a long breath, and removing my hands from groping her, I wrapped them around her almost holding her up against me. Then suddenly she had a burst of energy and pushed back off me again.

"You want me to take my clothes off for you, Ed—wud?" And before I could answer she was pulling down her jeans and staggering around trying to get her shoes off.

"No-no-no, Bella. I'll take a rain check—oh shit!"

She'd collapsed on the floor, laughing to herself, her jeans around her ankles.

"Fuck me sideways," I muttered to myself, before kneeling down, and grabbing her under her arms, I helped her up.

She was a lot freaking heavier than she looked!

"Take my shoes off for me, Edward." She sighed a short huff of alcohol-scented air. "I'm _hot_!"

She was. She seemed to have a fire burning beneath her skin, traveling straight to her chest and burning in her cheeks, and it was fucking ridiculous how appealing it made her.

I sat her carefully on the edge of the bed, forcing my eyes from the fact that she was barely clothed and wearing only her underwear and a sheer material singlet thing that revealed her tits.

While I struggled to untie her shoes, my hands sweaty and freaking shaking, she bent closer to me, leaned her elbows on my shoulders, and ran her fingers absently through my hair. Then suddenly, just as I was about to lose all self-control, she flopped back against the bed and placed her hands over her eyes.

I managed to untie her shoes, before I took her jeans completely off. In my defense it was easier than trying to pull them back up, and I already had a fucking boner by that point anyway.

"Okay, coffee now," I said, speaking to her sternly, my brow raising as I looked into her eyes. They were bright, shining and completely alive. So completely the opposite from Bella that afternoon.

Maybe what Rach had done by getting her drunk was a positive—if I could get her to talk before she passed out cold, that is.

I pulled her gently to her feet again, where she all but collapsed against my side and hiccupped again. "Yes, dad."

Just as I turned her toward the door, it opened and Nummi poked her head apprehensively into the room. The moment Bella noticed her, she pulled from my arms in another sudden burst of energy.

"_NUMMI_!" she squealed out, making the stunned expression on Nummi's face almost comical before she rammed into her, almost barreling her over.

"Ah ... Bells?" Nummi asked after she righted the two of them. "What have you been up to?"

"Well ... as my very classy mother would say, I'm _pissed_!" Was Bella's response, giggling again and breaking off to hiccup.

"That's a little obvious," Nummi replied trying to suppress her smile. "Where are your clothes, babe?"

"I was hot," Bella replied with a wave of her hand before she turned her eyes to me and her grin turned sly again. "Besides, _Edward's_ g_oing to get his groove on with me"—_she spoke in an American accent, and was completely fucking convincing—"with his big pen."

_Oh, fuck!_

And suddenly Nummi was quirking a suspicious eyebrow at me.

I shook my head—probably too anxiously, which no doubt only made me look guiltier.

"And he takes his clothes off every day for me just so I can majorly perv on him," Bella blabbered on, before turning to flash me a completely fucking devious grin, and fuck it, I couldn't help it; I returned it.

"Um ... Bells?" Nummi began, obviously attempting to be gentle, but all but bursting into laughter. "Remember the time Rach got drunk and she made a total dag of herself? That's you right now, babe."

"Huh?" Bella screwed her face up and stared at Nummi as if she was insane. "I'm not drunk ... am—am I?" she glanced at me suddenly looking uncertain.

"Just a bit, sweetie," I answered her, gently.

She sighed, her face suddenly falling, her shoulders slumping. "I guess it's official then. I have turned into my mother."

"Bells, you couldn't turn into your mother even if you were trying, and if you ever say that to me again, I'll slap it out of you," Nummi replied, only sounding half teasing.

I sighed and rubbed the back of my head. "Look, I've got her, Nummi. You go to bed. You look pretty hammered."

Nummi looked at me seeming in contemplation for a moment. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. "Trust me, I've got it."

Her eyes flickered to Bella then back to me; her lips suddenly twitching. "Okay, but I reckon you've got about ... ten seconds to get her to the bathroom."

Right at that moment Bella moaned softly and slumped up against the wall, her face white as a sheet, her arms wrapping around her stomach. "Oh, God ... I don't feel—"

"Oh, crap!" I muttered.

Grabbing her by the waist, probably too roughly, I half dragged, half carried her into the bathroom, all but running and getting her to the toilet without an inch to spare before she threw up—what was mostly fluid.

Grabbing her hair out of her face, I held it back as she repeatedly heaved her stomach up—while I flinched along with her. It was completely fucked up, but after three or four rounds of it, she stopped for a minute and slumped over the toilet, whimpering.

"Edward!" she suddenly exclaimed, half sobbing, her voice hoarse and echoing pitifully into the ceramic bowl that she was gripping the sides of. "Get_ out_ of here!"

"Sorry, Bella, but I'm not going anywhere," I replied stubbornly—she wasn't pushing me away this time.

She looked like she wanted to push it, but instead, went into another session of throwing up; her body jerking each time her stomach lunged.

Cringing through it, I rubbed her back, keeping my other hand fastened around her hair, away from her face.

Her skin was burning and everywhere beads of perspiration were breaking out across her body, until they became droplets running down her. Down her arms; her bare legs; her chest, until every square inch of her body was literally wet and glistening.

And still she continued to throw up.

Just when I was beginning to worry that it was too much, contemplating the thought of calling Alice, she finally stopped.

Gripping the rim of the toilet bowl rigidly, she slumped to the side of it, whimpering. I moved forward hastily, flushing it, before wrapping my arms around her, supporting her weight—surprised by the heat that was coming off her.

She only sobbed weakly and with complete self-pity.

"You're okay," I murmured gently to her, pressing my lips to the side of her damp head.

She was really burning up.

Looking over my shoulder, I quickly searched the bathroom for something to cool her down with; spotting a flannel dangling over the basin. Leaving her for no longer than ten seconds, I grabbed it and soaked it under the cold water, then kneeling back behind her again, I carefully moved her hair and placed it against the back of her neck. She shuddered lightly before pushing herself weakly away from the toilet. With my arm still wrapped around her waist, I pulled her back against me, supporting her, before she all but collapsed unconscious against my chest, whimpering again.

"You feel better now?" I asked her softly, my nose grazing her burning earlobe.

She nodded, it was a slow, sluggish motion, before she let her head slide sideways, closing her eyes. Her forehead was creased and she was tense in my arms, and completely on fire.

Tentatively, I wiped the damp flannel across her forehead and cheeks before squeezing it against her parted lips. She swallowed, her forehead puckering, before she released her breath in a gush and seemed to relax a fraction.

Placing the flannel back against her neck, I squeezed more water from it. It made her flinch, before she grabbed my arm—the one I held around her. For a moment, I thought she was going to pull away from me, but instead she gripped it tightly with both her hands and softly moaned.

Gently kissing her forehead, I rested my lips against her for a moment longer, exhaling deeply through my nose, and closing my eyes.

This girl was going to be the fucking end of me.

In the next moment she fell silent, completely out cold; the only noise in the room was the heavy sound of her breathing

I circled my other arm around her, careful not to disturb her. I could feel her temple pounding; in fact, I could feel her pulse racing through every pore of her skin, and she continued to almost literally pour with water.

Beads of sweat trickled from the back of her neck down between her breasts, making the singlet top she was wearing so damp that it was plastered to her. And fuck me, it was almost erotic; despite the fact that she was passed out drunk in my arms. I was having a hard time talking myself down, but she was lying practically naked against me.

It was only a few minutes later when she stirred, and seemed to just gaze blankly around the room, before she tilted her head to look up at me—almost as if she checking that I was still there.

As her eyes met mine, I flashed her a warm, affectionate grin, before a faint smile appeared on her face; almost turning wry.

"I really am going to have to kill you now, Edward..." she mumbled. Her voice was still hoarse and weak, but it almost sounded shrewd; almost like my old Bella.

I laughed softly. "Why is that?"

"Because ... you've seem me ... like this," she answered, taking a long weary breath.

I sighed and rested my lips on top of her head for a moment. "Bella," I began, shifting her gently so that she sat a little more upright and completely against me, "this was me just a few months ago, remember? Only, I had _Jazz_ with me." I paused, cleared my throat, and lowering my voice, I did my best Jazz impersonation, "_If you puke over me, douche-bag, I'll cork your mouth up with your balls_."

She immediately broke into soft, hoarse-sounding laughter, as her back jerked lightly against my chest.

"Have you noticed Jazz has a serious preoccupation with his balls?"

She shook her head, continuing to almost silently laugh.

I chuckled with her, kissing her briefly against her cheek; her skin was still damp and salty. "I swear, every second thing he says is _balls." _I did my Jazmina impersonation again. "_Dude, your balls are in Bella's handbag; Alice will rip my balls off; Rose will wear my balls as earrings. Balls, balls, balls, freaking balls_."

Her laughter increased, so much so that she tensed and became breathless, struggling with it.

Bending my lips to her ear, I said softly, "You have to promise not to tell Alice on me, okay?"

Her back continued to shake against my chest, but as I tightened my arms around her, I instantly noticed the change in her; she was rigid.

After expelling a long, shuddering breath, she drew in another one sharply, and it immediately became obvious that she was no longer laughing.

Releasing her grip from my arms, she bent her face to cover it with her hands. Her body continued to quake against me, but this time it was from her tears.

Tightening my arms around her, I rested my lips against the back of her neck, beginning to feel fucking compromised by her. "I'm so sorry, baby."

After another sharp intake of air, her sobs became audible. She started shaking her head back and forth, continuing to cover her face, until she completely broke down. "It ... it ... it should have been m-me!"

"Hey!" I replied firmly, but keeping my voice gentle. "Don't say that, Bella."

She just shook her head more, adding stubbornly, as she completely gave in to the tears. "I'm nothing—n-no one. She was e-_everything_."

"Bella, _stop_! That's not true. Everyone _adores_ you—e_veryone!_" I said too fucking passionately, but I had to make her see it was true.

She attempted to reply, shaking her head more, but she had become too engulfed by it. She cried and cried uncontrollably, her chest jerking and heaving, gasping for air as tears poured down her face and onto my arms as I held her to me.

I knew this was exactly what she needed but it was fucking painful to bear. I closed my eyes, my forehead resting against her back as I held her to me, feeling her pain fucking echo through me.

Eventually, I turned her around, propping myself up on my knees to hold her against my chest. She was curled into a tightly wound ball, her hands still clamped over her face, but gradually she released them, wrapping them tentatively around my back and clinging to me as the grief poured out of her. She cried until her voice turned hoarse, her body continuing to physically react, even when she seemed to have no tears left, while all I could do was hold her to me.

"E-Edward?" she asked after she began to calm, looking up at me, her breath erupting out of her in a shudder.

"What is it, baby?" I answered her softly.

"Please tell me it's a dream." She just gazed at me, her eyes wide—fucking pleading with me.

"Bella ... I'd tell you if I could—you know that, but I can't," I answered her as gently as I could, but I knew it wasn't what she wanted to hear.

Nodding slowly, she only closed her eyes, her face completely crumbling.

Cupping her face, I brought my forehead to hers, as fresh tears slipped from her closed lashes. She was so broken that it was really fucking with me, and I just wanted to tell her it was going to be okay, but I knew she'd never believe me.

Curling her arms back around me, she grabbed the back of my t-shirt, clutching it tightly in her hands. "How ... am I going to get p-passed this, Edward?"

"It will get easier, baby," I promised her. "I know it's hard to believe right now, but it will."

"I-I just want to see her one more time. I never got to say goodbye! Please, Edward! Please..." She was begging me, as if I could change it for her; her voice so fragmented by grief that it was threatening to fucking break me if I hurt her more.

So I said nothing.

She just stared in my eyes, for what I wasn't sure, as hers again welled with tears, and just as I was about to grab her and pull her in my arms, she pushing herself off me, sitting back on her knees.

"Edward..." she began, her voice catching. Pausing, she wiped her eyes, over and over stubbornly, but the tears kept falling in streams down her cheeks. She looked so pitifully beautiful, while a complete mess at the same time that despite everything, I broke into a sad smile, taking both her hands in mine.

"Don't fight it, baby."

She nodded, her forehead etching deeper as she attempted to keep it in, regardless, but she had long lost the battle.

"I-I'm never going to see her again..." she uttered, completely breaking down again. "She's ... gone..."

"I know..." I replied, softly as I attempted to dry her tears.

"It's not fair," she whispered, her chest beginning to jerk, just as she reached out and clutched at the front of my t-shirt.

"I know it's not."

She started shaking her head; I could feel a momentum beginning to build within her, and in the next minute, with her hands still grasping my shirt, she shoved against me. "IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR, EDWARD!" Her voice was strained, and her tears continued, but she was angry.

I grabbed both sides of her face, forcing her to look at me. "I know it's not, baby, but it's OK to be pissed off... It's OK."

She only closed her eyes, shaking her head again, her anger fading as quickly as it came. "I can't do this... It's k-killing me..."

Pulling her to me, I wrapped my arms around her. She still held my shirt in her fists, and holding to me tighter, she buried her face against my chest and this time completely surrendered.

I'm not sure how long this went on, but by the time she finally started to calm, I was practically fucking in tears with her. It had completely fucked with my emotions to see her like this. I had no I idea I'd react this way. It was like a fucking knife being plunged into my chest.

For a long time she was quiet, and for a moment I'd thought she'd fallen asleep, when she suddenly looked up at me.

"Edward," she said, her voice weak and barely a whisper, before she sat back again to gaze at me. "I'm so sorry."

I shook my head and opened my mouth to answer, when she added, looking so completely fucking lost and small. "Please don't be mad at me."

I smiled at her, releasing my breath as I did, before tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Why would I be mad at you?"

She leaned closer to me again, resting her forehead against my shoulder. "Because I've been so horrible to you…" she replied.

"I'm not mad at you, baby," I murmured, turning my head, and burying my face against her cheek.

She pulled back again abruptly and shook her head. "You should be, because you have been completely wonderful, and I've ... I've..." the words died on her lips while she just stared at me again, in the oddest fucking way—as if she was only just seeing me.

"Come here." I sighed, sitting back down on the bathroom floor and pulling her onto my lap—she immediately curled against my chest. Wrapping my arms around her securely, I rested my chin on top of her head, exhaling deeply before I continued, "Just listen to me for a minute, okay?" I asked her, softly.

What I was planning on telling her wasn't going to be easy.

When she nodded, I started, "Before I donated my bone marrow to Alice, they didn't think she was going to make it. I went completely off the rails. I hated the world and I wanted to make everyone feel ... as much pain as I was, and on top of everything there were all these rumors going around about her. She was a drug addict; a prostitute; she had AIDS..." I stopped for a minute and shook my head, feeling a familiar anger rise within me. "I was a ticking time bomb, Bella, and one day, after my mother made me go to school, I heard Alice's name coming from a group of kids. I turned around, and Jake was there, and he was laughing. I was so pissed off that I jumped him. I started punching him—I couldn't stop. I took all my anger and pain out on him, but it didn't do anything, so I just kept on beating the crap out of him. It took a bunch of guys to pull me off him, and Jake had blood pouring down his face, but I didn't care. I ... wanted to kill him," I paused drawing in my breath. I felt like a prick; it was never Jacob's fault. I'd hated him all this time for nothing. Clearing my throat awkwardly, I continued, "They hauled my ass to the office and then your uncle dragged me to a jail cell. He wanted to charge me with assault, and by the look in his eyes he wanted to do a lot more than that. It was only because Carlisle came down to the station and explained everything with Alice that he let me go."

Bella was still; her breathing quiet and even, that I looked down at her, expecting to see her asleep, but realized she was silently listening. Her expression looked stricken, while tears were again welling in her eyes again.

If she started crying again I was gonna fucking lose it.

Pressing my lips on top of her head, I exhaled heavily. "I know, baby, that when you're hurting, you say things and you do things that you don't mean."

She nodded numbly before, tightening her grip on me. She was still holding onto my shirt—my damp shirt. So damp, I didn't know if it was from her tears, her body heat, or mine.

But she didn't cry anymore; she became so quiet that even that reflexive jerking of her breath stopped, before she grew heavy and limp in my arms.

Tentatively, I tilted my head to look down at her, as an involuntary smile grew across my face. Her face was squashed against my chest, all tear streaked and blotchy.

And too fucking adorable to comprehend.

There was a timid knock on the door then, before it opened slowly.

It was all three of them; Nummi, Rach and Alice.

"How is she?" Nummi asked softly.

"She's okay," I whispered.

They were all gazing at Bella pitifully.

"You need some help getting her to bed?" Rach asked.

"I should be OK," I replied, struggling, and almost falling backwards, to get to my feet with Bella's limp body in my arms. She was a dead weight, and heavy.

She stirred, almost jolting, before immediately clinging to me.

Alice held the door open for me, and I carried Bella carefully into the hall, towards Nummi's room.

"Don't leave me, Edward," she mumbled softly—it was almost a sob, before sluggishly taking fistfuls of my shirt in her hands again, holding on to me tighter; just in case I might have contemplated it.

I glanced up and met Nummi's gaze.

"Take her with you to your room, Edward," she said, before I could tell her that Bella was staying with me.

I nodded. Whether it was with all of them or with just her and I, there was no chance I was letting her go.

"Do you want me to get a bucket or something?" Rach asked gently.

I smiled wryly. "Honestly, I don't think there could possibly be anything left in her stomach."

"We heard," Alice replied, knotting her forehead and grimacing.

When I got Bella into my room, I attempted to lay her on the bed, but she only clung to me more.

"Honey, I'm not letting you go. I'm just going to lie you down on the bed."

"Just talk to me for a while," she said, a barely audible and hoarse whisper.

"Okay," I replied, keeping my voice soft. "How about we get in bed and talk?"

She nodded sleepily, then awkwardly I somehow managed to climb onto the bed with her in my arms, stretch the two of us out, and pull the blanket to cover us.

She seemed to relax, then with a deep, releasing sigh she snuggled into me further, laying her head on my chest. I smoothed her hair back from her face and pressed my lips against her forehead; despite what she'd been through tonight, her hair still smelled as appealing as it always did.

She curled her legs around me, before her hand reached for my mine. I caught it, brought it to my lips, before allowing it to rest with hers.

"Sleep, baby, okay?"

Taking a final shuddering breath in and releasing it, she relaxed fully into me, humming softly in reply.

A few minutes later, just when I was convinced that she was finally asleep, she stirred.

"Edward?" she asked softly.

"Mmmm?" I murmured, tightening my arm around her waist and squeezing her gently.

"In a while ... crocodile," she mumbled, almost incoherently.

I broke into a soft chuckle, quickly smothering it through my nose so I wouldn't fully wake her. "I love you, Bella."

"I love you too," she whispered.

* * *

**A/N: Ok, pretty cheesy, but not easy to write. I don't know the pain Bella was feeling—and I pray I never find out. But *le sigh* I really love this chapter.**


	35. You Found Me

**A/N: Ugh ... hangovers... Something I've never had =P**

* * *

**Chapter 34**

**You Found Me**

**Bella's POV**

Kel and I were in a boat; one of those little dingy things that offered practically no protection from capsizing—or drowning.

Why? I had no idea.

The sea was rough. I could hear the whooshing as we went up and down on the water, but I didn't see the swirl. And I was sea-sick—oh God, was I ever sea sick.

Hanging over the edge, I groaned through every swell. It was almost as if it was breathing, and my stomach was rolling right along with it.

"Kel, get me off this thing!" I pleaded pitifully.

She only smiled at me while her obvious amusement at my predicament pulled her lips even wider. "No can do, Bells."

"You enjoy watching me suffer, don't you," I grumbled, before pulling myself back from hanging over the rim of the small boat—only when I was confident I wasn't going to heave my guts up over board.

Kel just watched me for a moment, a look of consternation dominating her expression, before rolling her eyes. "Of course I do. Isabella, you are the champion of the world when it comes to melodrama—you know that?"

I glanced up at her, then around us, feeling my forehead crease from the sudden realisation of how odd everything was. Kel was sitting on the edge of the dingy, her legs stretched out before her and crossed at the ankles with her arms folded. All completely at ease, as though we weren't out at sea in rough weather.

I continued to stare at her, blinking with confusion. "Where are we?" I asked finally.

"You're in Nummi's brother's room with Edward. And me? Well ... I'm with you." She shrugged nonchalantly.

I sat up a little straighter in the boat. Still it continued to surge up and down, over and over; never ending. "But ... we're in a boat…"

"Are we?" She raised her brow, her grin twitching broader.

Our scenery changed but with the feeling that it hadn't at all. We weren't in a boat anymore; now, we were on my bed, in my room at Uncle Billy's, in Forks, and Edward was definitely not here with us.

"What's going...?" I let my voice trail off, growing more confused.

Kel huffed with an affectionate kind of exasperation. "Would you just shut up and stop trying to work it out. I made you feel better—for a while, anyway."

I continued to stare at her when it suddenly hit me, all in a rush, almost knocking the air from my lungs. I promptly threw my arms around her, and the relief I felt from the feeling of her soft, warm, _tangible_ body caused an immediate rush of emotion to flood me. "Kel ... you're here! But-but, you _died_!"

"No I _bloody_ didn't!" she declared, sounding offended for a moment before she sighed and lowered her voice. "I'm not dead, Bells. I'm just ... somewhere else."

She let me cling to her for a second or two before gently prising herself from me, by placing her palms against my shoulders and moving me back. For a moment she only stared at me resolutely, before her expression darkened. "Bells, I want you to stop punishing yourself. It's pissing me off—seriously, and you're making it worse for Rach and Nummi. They're already upset at the thought of you leaving again soon."

I blinked slowly, taking her words properly in before I felt my face flush with shame. I didn't realise I'd been punishing myself—intentionally anyway, and I certainly hadn't meant to hurt Rach and Nummi further. It had just become so hard to deal with that I'd pulled back.

"I'm so—" I began, but Kel immediately interjected.

"You say sorry and I'll kick your arse!"

"I'm sorry," I blurted before quickly bringing my hand to my mouth, apologetically.

Kel quirked an eyebrow, her lips edging with a knowing grin before she openly rolled her eyes.

We both burst into laughter.

But, like the complete idiot that I was, I still impulsively apologised, a couple more times.

Shaking her head, Kel eventually grabbed my pillow and started whacking me with it.

"Bloody hell, Bells!" she burst, her laughter dying down. "Why do you always feel responsible for everything?"

I sat myself cross-legged on my bed and clasped my hands in my lap in thought. After thinking about it for a moment, I came up blank and shrugged slightly. "Guilty conscience?"

She huffed, drawing it out into a frustrated but good natured groan. "You're hopeless! But, Bells, I'm the one who should be sorry. Just when you got settled I had to go and turn it all upside down on you."

"Stop being a dag. As if you could help it," I mumbled, glancing down at my hands just as a deep seated sadness washed over me.

She slung her arm over my shoulder. It was her—body and soul. Not gone, but right here with me.

I took a deep breath, my eyes suddenly welling with tears. "You can see me but I can't see you, right? That's how it goes, isn't it?"

She sighed heavily. "Pretty much. But you can feel me, Bells, and I'll let you know when I'm around you, okay?"

I nodded quickly, inhaling back the threat of tears. "Okay..."

"Now down to business..." she began.

I looked up at her expectantly, curiously. "What business?"

"For one; your _mother,_" she answered. Her tone tightened, but otherwise she was serious, and she was gazing down at me with almost ... disappointment.

"What about her?" I asked, feeling the prickle of shame again.

"Ya got to let her go, Bells, but first..." Her voice trailed off as a devious smile began to hint on her lips.

"First…?"

"Next time you see her, do me a favour?"

"Okay..." I answered with trepidation.

"Tell that bitch to _fuck herself_!"

I opened my mouth to respond, but hesitated.

"Bella, she's jealous of you, she always has been. But now ... " she paused and threw me a small teasing smirk, "but now you come back to town with Mr tall, handsome, and looks down right obscene in an akubra, and she's so green if she moved to Forks she'd be camouflaged."

I broke into a small, light laugh.

"That reminds me—about Edward..." she suddenly switched tune, gazing at me thoughtfully, with concern hinting behind her eyes.

"What about Edward...? I asked slowly, my heart pausing nervously.

"He loves you, Bells, so go easy on him, okay?" she said with sincerity, raising her eyebrows to further emphasize it.

I felt my brow bunch; I was relieved, but it felt like there was more that she wanted to say but didn't.

"Okay," I finally answered.

"And I'm serious, Bells. I don't want you letting Renee get in the way of your life any more. Promise me?" she pressed me, serious again.

"I promise," I vowed with a sigh, nodding my head as further admission.

"Okay, I gotta go."

"No!" I burst, reaching over to grab her, to keep her with me, but she intercepted my hands; grabbing them and guiding them back to my lap.

"You're being melodramatic again, Bells," she said, only her tone dropped with affection.

And suddenly we were back in the unbalanced dingy, and instantly I was wracked with sea sickness again. The whooshing sound was back, but it was overshadowed by the panicked thudding in my heart at the prospect of her leaving.

"Stay with me, Kel," I pleaded with her knowing it was pointless, but the words flew out of my mouth regardless.

"Bells..." She sighed, gazing at me sadly for a moment before pulling me impulsively into her arms. "I love you, Bella," she whispered, her voice breaking softly before she released me.

When I glanced up at her again, with my heart utterly crumbling, she was smiling at me; her momentary sadness immediately replaced with warmth.

It was the way she always smiled at me.

I could only sob, helplessly, clinging to the image of her as it began to blur behind my tears. "Goodbye, Kels."

A warm arm tightened around me while gentle fingers brushed my hair from my face. "Hey?" Edward's soft, croaky voice broke through the projection of my dream.

I opened my eyes, slowly, and as soon as they were exposed to the light, I jolted, groaning softly. My head was throbbing—literally thumping, and the sound of my own voice was like a jackhammer.

Closing my eyes again, I immediately realised I was still sea sick—that it wasn't only a dream. Only, I was no longer in a boat. I still seemed to be rising and falling—my stomach churning with it—while the whooshing sound echoing around me sounded more like an explosion, assaulting my ears.

I groaned again pitifully, almost sobbing with it, as I became more and more aware of how horribly sick I felt. My mouth was parched, bone dry, and my tongue felt like it was an old sock. I tried swallowing, only to realise the disgusting taste in my mouth that again made my stomach roll.

I could only moan, pitifully and weakly, feeling too sick to manage anything louder.

"You okay, baby?" Edward's voice again, a decibel above a whisper, but it still made me flinch.

"Edward ... don't talk too loud ... please," I managed a barely audible reply. Just speaking—if it could be called that—caused a wave of nausea to rush through me. I squeezed my eyes shut—my only defence from it.

I was still going up and down and together with the horrible taste in my mouth, I was convinced I was going to be sick.

When I opened my eyes again, braving the torture of the light, I sluggishly processed my surroundings. I was lying with Edward, with my head resting on his chest before I immediately became aware of his warm body beneath mine; my legs were tangled with his, and my arms wrapped around him, while he held me to him, tightly. It was then I realised the whooshing wasn't some strange dream of being in rough sea, it was him breathing; the motion of me rising and falling on top of his chest.

Weakly, I pushed myself from his arms and let myself flop stomach first on the mattress beside him. My head felt like a bowling ball and the simple motion of moving, only a fraction, made another round of nausea rage through me. I felt so horrendous, that all I could do was whimper, but there was only one thing that held me together: the silent, adamant vow I made myself that I would _not _throw up in front of Edward.

Closing my eyes again, I attempted to calm myself and slow my breathing, when I felt Edward's fingers in my hair again. He gently brushed it aside, before moving his hand to my back, where he rubbed slow, soothing circles into my skin. His touch was comforting, almost healing, and blessedly distracting. Letting out my breath I relaxed a little, groaning softly as I did, but this time it wasn't wholly from self-pity.

"Is there anything I can get you, Bella?" he asked me, consciously lowering the tone of his voice.

"A glass of water," I mumbled. My mouth was so dry I could barely swallow, and I had to get rid of the taste of dead cat from my mouth—as soon as possible.

He removed his hand, before I felt the motion of him carefully get out of bed, but as the mattress dipped and then sprang back up, it was almost the end of me. I immediately groaned but took a deep breath, telling myself repeatedly that I _would_ not throw up anywhere near the vicinity of Edward!

Even as I internally commanded myself this—as I watched Edward leave the room, wearing a pair of blue checked flannel pants that sat low on his hips—memories from the night before slowly began to trickle back to me.

Rach took me out, first to her sister's, then to ... some bar. It was there that she kept pushing drink after drink at me until I finally gave in and started drinking them. After that it got hazy; I was with Edward, and then...

Oh God!

My memories became even more confusing and disjointed, but I was pretty sure I spent the majority of the night throwing up in the bathroom, with Edward ... beside me.

Oh God—oh God!

I brought my hands to cover my face just as I was inundated with more memories that did nothing to give me comfort. Curling myself up into a ball, I buried my face behind my arms as the grimness of it became a mortifying reality.

I wanted to die.

I heard Edward come back into the room, before opening my eyes and peeking over at him. He smiled at me and my heart had the audacity to accelerate. He was smiling the way he usually did whenever I spoke something stupidly Australian, only it was laced with sympathy.

When he reached the bed he kneeled down in front of me and held a glass of water up, before opening his other palm to reveal two aspirins.

"Compliments of Carol," he said, still making an obvious effort to keep his voice soft.

I only nodded before clamping my eyes shut in a vain effort to shut the memories from becoming clear to me. But they pushed through regardless, and ended with me sitting with Edward on the bathroom floor, crying over and over before he carried me to bed...

When I opened my eyes again Edward was looking at me, his head cocked, his eyebrows coming together. "You okay...?"

"No, but I will be," I spoke, my voice raspy, before scoffing out a noise that I'd intended to be a humourless laugh.

His smile twitched an inch wider; he almost chuckled to himself. In fact, he definitely seemed amused, though he was looking at me with the amount of sympathy one has for a sick infant. If I was in any other frame of mind, I would have told him to stop it, as it was, all my energy was going into my silent desperate prayers that I hadn't said or done anything the night before—that I couldn't yet recall—to make a complete idiot of myself.

Sighing, I reached over to take the glass from his hand.

"Do you think you can sit up?" he asked me, his voice reverting back to concern.

The idea did not appeal to me, especially with my renewed vow not to throw up in front of him—_again_. But I was horrendously dehydrated, and I couldn't drink the water lying on my face.

Taking a measured breath, I slowly and tentatively made the effort to at least attempt to pull myself up, but as soon as I moved only partially vertical my head began to throb more violently before it started spinning. Groaning, I let myself fall back, face first into the mattress with a pathetic sounding sob.

"Oh God..." I moaned, covering my eyes from the light again.

I only heard Edward exhale shortly through his nose. I suspected he was chuckling to himself and when I looked up at him again he was giving me that smile.

I couldn't decide if it was annoying me more than it was mortifying me—not to mention how my body was physically reacting. It was something that was beginning to make me feel more unstable than the amount of alcohol currently coursing through my bloodstream.

"Edward, stop looking at me like that." I sighed with a strained voice as I attempted to combat my nausea. "I feel like crap and I probably look just as horrendous."

This time he did chuckle. "You look like you've seen better days, Bella. I won't lie to you."

My only response was a fractured groan, only half derived from my pitiful state, because if I was being brutally honest with myself, it was all I could do not to smile.

Placing the glass on the bedside table, he gently pulled the pillow out from under me, before sitting beside me so that my head rested in his flannel covered lap.

He was still so warm, and sighing deeply, I lifted an arm so that it slung over his knees.

"Edward?" I asked softly after a moment.

"Mmm-hmm?"

"I'm sorry for the way I've been acting. What I said to you the other day—"

He interjected gently, just as I was instilled with a sense of deja vu. "Bella, it's OK. We went over all this last night."

And just as the words left his mouth, I was engulfed by a memory of Edward telling me his history with Jacob. But still, it seemed so surreal and hazy that I wasn't totally convinced that it actually did happen.

I was lost in contemplation over it, glad for the distraction when I felt the back of Edward's fingers sweeping my hair back from my brow.

"Okay...?" he pressed me gently.

I only nodded, but I was distracted again and this time it had nothing to do with the tone of his voice. I had to get up and drink the water because I was certain if I threw up again, my head would implode right along with it.

With a sudden bout of determination, I pushed myself tentatively upright. Edward supported me, but it wasn't enough to prevent the huge wave of nausea that quickly took hold of me.

I could feel the bile rising in my throat, even as I shook my head, refusing to accept it.

"Bella..." I heard Edward speak, almost as if it was an echo from outside the room.

_No, no, no…_ my mind shouted to me as I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Just give me a minute," I whispered, taking deep, even breaths in an attempt to overcome it.

My head was hammering and I was so dizzy and light headed that I slumped up against Edward; whose arm immediately wrapped around my back.

"Bella ... you're going green," he observed with a trace of alarm. "Do you want me to take you to the bathroom?"

I shook my head, sluggishly, continuing to breathe evenly, concentrating on nothing else, and to my relief the nausea and faintness eventually subsided. Though, for one horrifying moment I was completely convinced I would puke all over Edward's flannel pyjamas.

However, when I opened my eyes the fact that I felt sicker than I'd ever felt in my entire life suddenly became completely irrelevant.

"Edward ... where are my clothes?" I was wearing only my underwear and a singlet top that I don't think I even owned, but was almost totally see-through. I wrapped my arms hastily across my chest self-consciously before dragging the Buzz Lightyear doona to cover myself more modestly.

"Erm..."

I looked up at him; he appeared somewhat amused but awkward at the same time.

"Did I throw up over them?" I asked, running a mortified hand through my hair, where it instantly became tangled.

"No," he replied, the amusement clearly in his tone as I worked to prise my fingers free of my matted excuse for hair. "You ..." he paused and cleared his throat subtly—it was like a stone dropping on my head, "you … stripped them off."

Kill me now!

Needless to say, a raging case of beet red blushing really doesn't exist in harmony with the migraine from hell, and as I internally cringed, the pressure inside my head intensified; bringing the nausea right back to the forefront again.

Pulling the doona up to my face, I hid myself behind it, hoping the floor would open up and I could disappear for the next ten years. "Oh God..." I muttered, repeating that same phrase to hide my absolute mortification.

"But partly to show me your belly ring," he added quickly, while delicately trying to tug the quilt back down from my face.

Pausing, I looked up at him, this time feeling my face crease deeply; convinced I'd heard wrong. "My... what?"

"Your belly ring," he repeated. The smile again.

I only sighed.

He was definitely amused again. In fact, he managed to pull it off with way too much charm, and it only succeeded in completely compromising and distracting me. I couldn't decide if it was a positive or not.

Tearing my eyes from his, I lowered the doona—all too conscious that my chest was practically in full view.

"I don't have a belly ring," I mumbled confused, but still adamant, as I inched my shirt up simultaneously.

Yes, I did...

"Bloody hell..."

It was there, glittering from my navel in full glory looking red and tender. I could only groan for the infinite time that morning, and this time successfully managing a full-fledged, humourless laugh.

Edward drew me closer to him, murmuring in my ear; still sounding altogether too charming for someone who was completely enjoying my predicament, "I actually kind of like it, but where the hell did you get it done?"

"Rach's sister," I answered, beginning to have vengeful, murderous thoughts.

"You were quite happy with it last night," he added, as if it would make me feel better.

I rubbed my forehead awkwardly, mortified by events that I couldn't remember, while glad for it at the same time. "What else did I say last night?"

I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to know. I _was_ trying not to throw up, and the embarrassment I was presently feeling did nothing to soothe my stomach.

He attempted to smother another chuckle—unsuccessfully; it vibrated lightly from his chest. "You said a few crazy things, then you got pretty sick, and then you were upset. That's about it."

It really didn't make me feel any better; especially, when I was positive he was sugar coating it. I sighed; this time it was in resignation, and the fact that the longer I stayed upright, the more my head pounded and the fainter I became.

Seeming to read my thoughts, or the rapid pastiness I could feel my skin turning, Edward reached over, grabbed the glass of water and handed it to me gingerly.

Bringing it to my lips, I took a large gulp. My stomach churned violently, but I was too parched to care. It washed the grosser than hell taste from my mouth but didn't even come close to quenching my thirst.

"I'm guessing you want another one, then?" Edward asked me, taking the empty glass from my hands as I slumped against him.

I nodded, but I wasn't sure if my stomach would handle it. Right then it was working hard just to keep the first glass of water down.

"Just stay here for a minute," I whispered to him after a moment.

He tightened his arm around me and pulled me closer to him.

Letting go of the doona, that I'd kept up around me for the most part, I wrapped my arm around his waist and with the other I grabbed his hand. I was craving the emotional support from him as much as I was the physical contact.

"I didn't get a hangover; instead, I got a coma," Edward confessed lightly, before breaking into a soft chuckle that shook both of us gently.

I chuckled with him despite the fact that it was like being hammered in the head. "You're a dag."

I let the water slowly begin to digest before allowing Edward to get me another one. The second glass went down a lot easier; regardless that I took the tablets with it.

My next step was attempting to stand and walk. I really had to have a shower, but I was daunted by the idea of getting to the bathroom without passing out cold. My skin was itchy, salty almost, and I shuddered at the thought of what my breath was like. The only problem was I was still in my underwear.

"Umm ... Edward, can you get my clothes?" I asked him, mumbling, and feeling my cheeks flame.

But instead of collecting my clothes from where they were lying on the floor, Edward went to his suitcase and pulled out a white t-shirt.

"Here," he said, doing the charming thing again and pulling the shirt over my head. All the while he continued to smile—almost as if it was involuntary, and I wondered what he was so bloody happy about. Surely, my predicament wasn't that amusing, but I began to consider the fact—with growing guilt—that maybe he was just glad I wasn't being such a bitch to him anymore.

I pulled my arms through the sleeves. It was huge on me—enough that I could make it down the hall with some sense of modesty, at least. And it smelled ... like him.

"Okay, we'll do this quickly—like a band aid," he grinned at me. He was standing before me with both my hands in his.

I nodded but groaned openly at the prospect. "Okay…"

"One ... two ... three." And he pulled me to my feet—that almost collapsed beneath me—just as I was hit by a giant swell of dizziness.

I clung to him desperately. "Oh, God, Edward—lay me back down," I uttered, beginning to feel breathless.

"It'll pass, just hang on to me," he assured me gently, and eventually it did.

Clinging to his waist like a life line, I shuffled with him to the door. He walked slowly, carefully, conscious of my decrepit state, but my head refused to stop pounding. It was becoming excruciating and only made me weaker and more nauseated.

Somehow, I made it through the door and down the hall, moaning and whimpering away while Edward encouraged me—like he was the father in the birth video we'd watched not long ago; which was pretty bloody pathetic.

"Aww, Bella, how ya feeling?" I saw Alice's slippered feet just seconds before I was propelled further into Edward by the tone of her voice.

"Alice—not so loud!" Edward exclaimed, straining to keep his voice hushed.

"I'm sorry, Bella," she whispered, apologetically.

I glanced over at her and she flashed me a tender smile, only with a pout added to it; obviously from the sadder than ridiculous state of me.

"It's okay," I replied, my voice barely presenting with a sound.

"Jeez, Bells, you look like shit." Rach, but at least she had the decency to lower her voice.

I glanced up at her, ready to throw her a scowl, but it faded from my expression before it took hold. Her eyes looked weary and her face was blotchy; as though she'd been crying all night.

"You owe me big time," I barely managed a speck of aggravation.

A faint smirk lightened her expression. "Au contraire, I think you owe me." Her eyes rose, motioning to Edward.

I only closed my eyes and smothered the groan.

She was right, of course.

Edward softly snorted his breath, and when I looked up, Rach was sharing some kind of inside joke with him. In fact, they were finding it all too amusing for my tenuous stability to cope with.

Scoffing, though being conscious to make it more or less under my breath to spare my tormented head, I pushed from Edward's arms and made my way determinedly into the bathroom on shaky, wobbly legs. I wasn't really angry—more than I was embarrassed, anyway—and there was absolutely no way I could be angry with Edward. My memories were coming back to me with a lot more clarity, and I was finding it almost too hard to fathom how wonderful he'd been without becoming overcome by it.

One thing was clear: he was officially my all-time favourite American.

I spent two minutes on my feet in the shower and ten sitting down. If I'd ever felt this crap in my life, I definitely couldn't remember it. I hated the fact that I'd succumbed and got drunk—something I swore I would never do. But in a way, I was glad Rach had talked me into it. I'd completely lost myself, and by the time Kel's funeral was over, I was so immersed in grief and guilt that I was genuinely afraid I wouldn't be able to find my way back from it.

I scrubbed myself clean, washed my hair, and brushed my teeth—three times—despite it making me dry heave. I was determined to wipe all traces of alcohol from my body, and that included the foul taste in my mouth. I felt tainted by it, and more so than the physical affect it was having on me.

By the time I staggered from the bathroom, with a towel wrapped around my body and hair, Edward and Rach were still in the hall waiting for me. I glanced up at Edward sheepishly, but he only gazed down at me so intently that I faltered. In fact, he was continuing to catch me off guard, and for a moment I felt flustered as if he was seeing me completely naked. But I knew it would take time to properly adjust to the fact that Edward now knew exactly who I was and where I came from.

"You've got some colour back, Bells. You're not so green around the gills anymore," Rach observed with a further smirk.

I glanced over at her, glad for the distraction, and she flashed me a warm, affectionate smile. I returned it before my eyes inadvertently found Edward's again. He was still wearing his pyjama pants, while his hair was one big mess of tangles that I wanted to run my fingers through and smooth out.

It was only for the fact that I was hit by another wave of dizziness that I tore my eyes from his and proceeded into Nummi's room. But instead of getting myself dressed, I flopped down on the bed and groaned. I was becoming impatient; I wanted this hang over to go away. It was threatening to hinder things, and I was eager to make up for my bad behaviour to Edward—make up for the atrocious way I'd repaid him when all he did was come to Australia to support me.

Despite the mortification attached to it, the images from the night before stayed at the forefront of my mind, and the more I delved into them, the more I realised exactly how much Edward had been there for me. It was something that was taking me by surprise—almost as much as it was making the surface of my skin physically react.

I wanted to be close to him; every particle of my soul craved for him. It was so intense that I should have been scared by it. Whenever I started to feel more for Edward my first reaction had always been panic. I had become so programmed by worrying about him hurting me, but now, it was completely non-existent. In truth, I was more worried about hurting him.

Closing my eyes, I let my mind drift into blankness. It was then that it occurred to me that behind the hang over and the intensity of my emotions for Edward, I was feeling incredibly light and unburdened. In fact, it was so distinct I was surprised that I hadn't noticed it until now.

The burden of Kel dying—that I'd been carrying for what seemed like months—was completely gone. The undeniable pain I felt for her death was, of course, still lingering, but at the same time I felt a sense of peace. I'd finally let her go. I'd said goodbye and in turn it had freed me. I realised all the dreams I'd been having about her since the early days after the accident, was her trying to make me see that she was gone and I had to let her go. I wanted to hang onto her forever, but I knew now that I didn't have to. She'd always be with me, no matter where I went, or what I did.

Just as she always had.

Taking a deep breath, I released it into one final shuddering sigh.

She wasn't really gone.

I lay on top of the bed for a while longer, relaxing in an effort to get on top of my nausea, when a sound so familiar to me, yet so foreign at the same time, made me sit up in absolute surprise.

Jumping off the bed, and ignoring my head as it protested violently, I rushed to the window.

It was raining!

More than that; it was pouring down. It was a sound that I'd become so accustomed to in Forks, but here in Rocherrie it was a very rare sight.

I almost gasped from the sight of it before my heart completely warmed and a sense of peace settled within me. It was a sign; a good omen. The rain had always signified my new life, and now I knew it was still on track.

Tentatively, I got dressed, conscious and annoyed by my shitty condition, before drying my hair. It was during this that Nummi, Rach and Alice came in the room.

"See! I knew she was okay, and not puking or passed out," Rach spoke up.

"Huh?" I asked blankly, switching off the blow-dryer.

"Edward made us come and check on you. Otherwise, he was coming in himself." Alice rolled her eyes, a secretive smile playing on her lips.

I smiled to myself—noting Alice's form into a smirk in response—then hastily went back to blow-drying my hair; trying not to cringe from the sound of it.

"Tell him I'm fine," I said, my voice still sounding weak and raspy before I grimaced. Every time I spoke, the horrible taste flowed back into my mouth making me want to go and scrub my teeth again.

"So how much do you remember of last night, Bells," Nummi asked me, brushing her fingers across her mouth, trying to hide the amusement creeping on her lips.

I felt my face flame. "Not a lot—and please don't fill in the blanks, Nummi. I remember throwing my guts up with Edward holding my hair. That's enough to embarrass me for life."

She chuckled. "I'll wait until you've recovered from it before I tell you, then."

"Thanks," I replied dryly, throwing her a cynical grin.

"Anyway, mum's made you a nice hearty brekky of bacon, eggs and snags," Nummi added, her grin turning devious in advance of my all out groan.

"Oh, God—Nummi, don't!" I exclaimed, flinching from the volume of my voice while my stomach churned at the mere idea of it.

"Bells, if you can digest it, I guarantee it will cure you," Rach elaborated, continuing to find obvious humour in my situation.

"Shut up!" I cried, squeezing my eyes shut to calm my stomach.

I couldn't find it in myself to be angry at Rach yet, though. Not when it was her who had reached down and pulled me out of my own self-created abyss; straight into Edward's waiting arms.

Nummi laughed whole-heartedly, before walking over to me and wrapping her arm over my shoulder.

"It's good to have you back, Bells," she said warmly.

**...**

The second I spied the food on the breakfast table waiting for me, I practically threw up, and that was before I caught the smell of it. I froze, feeling the blood drain from my face as a horrible wave of faintness washed over me.

"I have to lie down," I whimpered pitifully behind the hand that I'd clamped to my mouth.

But Carol, smiling tenderly, came behind me, placed both her hands on my shoulders and gently led me to the chair before the plate of food. "Come on, Bella. You can do it."

To say I was reluctant was the bloody understatement of my life. In fact, I was so reluctant that my feet practically dragged along the tiled floor as I shook my head in protest, adamant that I couldn't.

It was torture. I'd take a bite, my stomach would churn and I'd have to lie my head on the table practically sobbing until the nausea passed. When I was finally brave enough to take another bite, Carol would make me take a sip of the water she'd given me, then I'd start all over again.

She'd sent everyone into the living room while I ate; I was grateful she had. Apart from not wanting an audience, I did not want Edward anywhere near me, because I was positive there was no way I could possibly hold any of it down.

Somehow, I did, though—every last bite of it too. It took me almost an hour, but by the time I'd swallowed the last morsel, the nausea was already easing. Carol forced me to finish the water before sending me off into the living room with a glass of orange juice.

"She survived!" Nummi teased me when I staggered into the room.

Still feeling horrendous and sickly full, I managed a weak, wry smile before I set the OJ on the coffee table and crawled onto the sofa beside Edward. He immediately scooted over and curled his arm gently around my waist. It was then that I noticed there was something discernibly different about him, and for a moment I only sat in thought, deliberating it, feeling my eye brows pull together in confusion and slight panic. His arms were just as warm as they always were, he still smelled the same; his eyes were just as intense...

It wasn't until he turned to face me and flashed me that completely self-assured—albeit uncertain—smile of his that I realised what it was.

Nothing was different about him, except the way I was now seeing him.

I'd let down my defences and had let him fully in; without the blinders, the fear, or the reluctance I normally saw him through. Nothing stood in the way with the two of us anymore. There were no more hurdles to cross; nothing but a clear path before us.

He inclined his head to me. "What are you smiling to yourself about?" he murmured into my ear.

"I'll tell you later," I replied in a soft tone, keeping my voice low for his ears only. "I don't think these three would appreciate it in front of them."

I felt him immediately tense before he turned his head to catch my gaze. His expression was surprised but as his blue green eyes held steady to mine, it faded and turned completely unreadable. I almost laughed; a thousand emotions seemed to pass behind his eyes.

He blinked slowly, still seeming to process my meaning, and when he met my eyes again, they were dark—burning almost, while his expression had turned serious—and slightly devious. He opened his mouth to reply, when Rach's voice interrupted him.

"Okay, you two, quit staring star crossed into each other's eyes and help us pick a bloody movie!"

I turned to face her; she was smirking deliberately before rolling her eyes knowingly. "Any suggestions?"

I smiled sheepishly and shrugged. "I don't mind."

Sighing, she turned her attention to Edward. "What about you, Romeo?"

"Uh ... yeah, ditto," Edward mumbled, smiling slightly to himself

"Okay, just so you know, Nummi, Alice and I have all agreed on '_He's Just Not That Into You'_."

Edward chuckled. "I don't think my vote would make a difference anyway, so it's cool."

Snuggling further against him, I prepared to watch the movie; only he proved to be a little distracting.

For the first several minutes, with one hand steadfast around me and the other with his fingers entwined with mine, we watched the DVD. Then, with the hand around my waist, he inched my shirt up, only fractionally, and slipped his torrid fingers underneath, connecting with my skin; while his touch immediately flooded my veins with warmth.

With my fingers interlaced with his, I squeezed his hand and nestled further into him, until eventually he slid his entire hand beneath my shirt and curved his palm around my side. He kept it there for a while, his smouldering hand against my hip, before he slowly began caressing my skin with his fingertips.

I could feel myself begin to flush, and was beginning to feel restless, but at the same time, I was continuing to struggle with the sluggishness that my waning hang over still held over me.

Leaning my elbow on his shoulder, I repositioned myself by curling my legs underneath me.

His hand slipped from underneath my shirt and he turned to me. His eyes canvassed mine for a moment before he finally spoke, "You feeling okay? You're fidgety."

I smiled at him, wrapped my arm around his shoulders and leaned in closer to him to answer, "You're tickling me."

He did one of those chuckles through his nose, his smile broadening, before nuzzling his face into my neck, he murmured, "I've missed that smile."

Bloody hell!

I was still finding myself more than a little caught off guard by the charm of him. He was so bloody good at it!

Shaking my head a little, while trying to rein my thoughts back from the carnal direction they were going down, I asked, "What smile?"

"I'll tell you later," he replied, dropping his voice to barely a whisper.

Breaking into a warm smile, I relaxed further into him and rested my head on his shoulder.

Turning to face me, he pressed his lips against my forehead. "That smile."

I felt the grin curve on his mouth as his hot breath soaked through me, before he again turned back to the movie. And this time, instead of warming me with the feel of his hands on my bare skin, he pushed his fingers into the back pocket of my jeans.

My heart was heavy, quickening, and I was positive it was reverberating against him—though, he didn't seem to notice. I pushed the breath from my lungs heavily; I felt completely at ease and safe in his arms, but every particle of me felt statically charged. Then instead of pushing my hand between my legs—which was something I often did—I pushed it between his.

We watched the rest of the movie without another word spoken, but with my mind and every molecule of my body too aware of Edward, I didn't really pay much attention to it. On top of this, Edward was so warm, and I was still so exhausted—physically and emotionally—from the night before, that by the time it was over I was all but asleep against him.

"So ... did you enjoy it, guys?" Rach asked, turning a teasing smile in our direction.

"It was a bit of a chick flick," Edward's deep voice spoke, while I caught it resonating through his chest. The sound of it was so hypnotising that a deep shuddering yawn escaped me.

They decided on a second movie; their choice making Edward groan good-naturedly.

"Come on, guys. You could at least put on one that Edward will be moderately interested in," I spoke up in his defence.

Alice glanced over at me and flashed me a dubious look while her lips pulled into a sly grin. "I don't think he's suffering too much."

"Only because this is the first time I've watched a movie with you, Alice, without _Jazmina _present," he spoke up.

Alice mockingly scowled at him, and when Edward chuckled it rocked us both gently, causing another wave of exhaustion to infiltrate me.

"The pair of you look like you're about to flake anyway," Nummi observed.

And flake we did.

I'm not sure when Edward fell asleep, but I lasted only about five minutes into the next movie. Lulled off to sleep by his deep, steady breathing.

To be cont…

* * *

**A/N: It's so fluffy I'm gonna die? Too much fluff? **

**Anywho, hope you enjoyed.**


	36. Pictionary

**A/N: I fail at Pictionary...**

* * *

**Chapter 35**

**Pictionary**

**Bella's POV**

When I woke, heavy headed and groggy, I quickly realised I'd pushed Edward to the side. His elbow resting on the arm of the sofa—with his fist propped up against the side of his forehead—was the only thing keeping us semi-upright.

My stirring was all it took to wake him. He seemed surprised that he'd been asleep and hastily pulled the two of us vertical.

"They live!" Nummi teased us before adding with appreciation. "You pair have been out cold for more than two hours!"

Edward released his arm from around me and rubbed his eyes before running his hand through his dishevelled hair. He looked sheepish, but then so ridiculously appealing all weary and droopy eyed. Dropping his hands in his lap, he turned and smiled at me. His hair was beyond out of control and his eyes were bloodshot, but the power he had over me was still unmeasurable. I had to forcibly turn my head to break eye contact from him.

My gaze fell on Rach; she was smiling at me, over flowing with canny amusement. "Rough night, Bells?"

I rolled my eyes at her. "Rough six months," I confessed lightly, my voice croaky and thick.

Dropping my head to my hands, I attempted to massage the grogginess away with my fingertips, when Edward slung his arm over my shoulders. He drew me gently against him again; back to the warmth of his arms. His arms—the only place where I had been able to extract the poison from my veins and find myself again.

"Well it doesn't look like this rain is going anywhere soon," Nummi spoke up.

I glanced over to her; she was staring through the window out into the rain soaked grounds, looking sad and wistful. When she turned back to face us, her eyes were glistening with tears. "I kind of feel like she's giving it all back ... all the tears we cried over her."

"That's so beautiful!" Alice exclaimed, her voice instantly choked.

"Christ, Nummi," Rach whispered, seeming almost impatient.

Nummi's words affected me immediately. My chest went tight, as I opened the door—just a fraction—to the grief once more.

Edward squeezed my arm soothingly, before dropping his lips to the top of my head. Again he was my life raft in a stormy sea, taking my fear and allowing me to feel everything, unburdened by it. How he was able to bring that out in me only made the swelling of emotion within me more intense.

My best friend—the closest person I ever had to family before moving to Forks—was dead, and the pain I felt over it was beyond anything I'd ever known. But at the same time, I was feeling something so real and extraordinary for Edward. He made the pain over Kel lessen; my fear over Renee diminish, and what I was left with didn't scare me like I thought it would. It was literally engulfing me, yet I found myself embracing it whole heartedly.

I loved Edward with everything that I was.

I turned to him and grabbed his hand. My heart quickened, while I fought to separate my feelings for him from my continued grief over the loss of Kel.

I shook my head, trying to decide how two completely conflicting emotions could exist with so much concentration within me; simultaneously.

"You okay?" Edward asked me softly.

I nodded quickly, inhaling back the threat of tears.

"Okay enough of this," Rach burst with impatience.

I looked over at her; she was pacing the room, her hands on her hips defiantly. She met my eyes while hers were intensifying. "I can't keep crying over her—it makes me feel _helpless_!"

"You're right, Rach, and Kel would be so pissed," Nummi agreed, wiping her eyes completely dry.

"She would," I conceded, laughing flatly. God knows she'd told me to toughen up more times than I could remember.

Carol walked into the room at that moment. "Lunch is ready..." she began, but when she noticed the sombre atmosphere and Nummi's tear streaked face, the words died on her lips." You girls okay?"

We all nodded collectively, and she smiled sadly, full of understanding. "Just having a moment?"

"One of many," Rach muttered.

Carol sighed and sat herself on the edge of the coffee table. "Just so long as you understand that you don't have to feel like it's taboo to talk about her."

Nummi nodded. "We know, mum. I started us off this time."

Carol smiled at her, pausing with affection, before snapping back to business. "Well anyway, lunch is in the kitchen—I was getting worried Edward and Bella would sleep through it."

"Edward eats like a bear; there'd be no way he'd sleep through a meal," Alice snorted, smirking at Edward wryly.

She'd told me the same thing numerous times, but I had yet to see it for myself. If anything, Edward seemed to be a light eater. I turned to him, my eyebrows drawn as I contemplate about it.

"Don't listen to her, she's suffering from Jazmina withdrawals," he said, breaking into a devious smile.

I grinned back at him, shaking my head to myself, before pulling him off the sofa with me. Tucking me under his arm, we followed Rach, Nummi and Alice into the kitchen where an assortment of sandwiches waited for us.

Despite feeling so much better than the condition I'd woken up in that morning, my stomach was still feeling rather delicate. Because of this, my lunch consisted of half a ham and cheese sandwich and a cup of tea. But as the day progressed, everything I ate made me improve that little bit more, and by the time dinner came around, I managed to eat my whole plate of lasagne without a single wave of nausea.

Though the fact that Edward's presence made me a live wire of energy may have contributed. In fact, I found myself constantly struggling to grasp the sudden magnitude of it that anything else plaguing my mind ran in at a distant second. Surrendering myself to Edward and Kel—and coming back to Australia, had completely freed me. Now my main concern was reining in the incredible release of emotion over it. I felt like I was about to burst and the newly intensified longing and desire I was feeling for Edward was proving to be the hardest to rein in.

I insisted on helping Carol clean the kitchen after dinner as the girls and Edward went to shower. I had always been closed off to other peoples' parents—Kel, Nummi and Rach's especially. Their mothers intimidated me, in the sense that I had no way of relating to them. But now, I found myself chatting easily with Carol; who kept making me conscious of it by exclaiming her surprise.

When Nummi and Alice came to drag me back with them, Carol kissed me on the cheek affectionately. "You don't know how happy it will make the girls to see you go back home so healed, Bella."

I smiled back at her warmly, gratefully. I almost _did_ feel healed, but one person still stood in my way. A person I knew I had to put behind me once and for all if I was ever going to go completely forward.

The guys had the bright idea of playing _'Pictionary' _and since my talents in drawing were abysmal at best, I wasn't overly thrilled.

I decided to have a quick shower while they were setting up. Despite having had an extra-long one that morning, I still felt contaminated by the effects of alcohol in my system. In less than ten minutes, I was sitting beside Edward in Nummi's room, completely intoxicated by the combined smell of soap and deodorant. When he turned to face me, his eyes almost immediately broke from mine to inspect my pyjamas. I was wearing satin boxer shorts and a matching cotton singlet top with _'Tweety and Sylvester' _on them that made a small smirk instantly pull at Edward's lips. I leaned into him, nudging him gently with my shoulder before I turned my attention to Rach and Alice.

"Where's Nummi," I asked, quickly noting her absence.

"She went to get one of the boys. We're uneven," Rach explained, just as the bedroom door opened and Nummi appeared tugging Mick behind her.

And so our game of Pictionary began.

Alice and Rach won the most games, while Nummi and Mick came in second, despite adding love hearts to their pictures. As for Edward and I, thanks to my terrible artistic skills, we had no chance.

Initially, he attempted to decipher my drawings, but eventually gave up, ending up in laughter the longer he tried to make sense of them.

Several games later, we were still trailing pathetically, when Edward slung his arm over my shoulders and pulled me closer to him. "We might have to do something extreme from here on, gorgeous," he whispered, lowly in my ear before planting a quick kiss close to my temple.

For a minute I was dazed, completely inundated as a surge of heat pushed straight to my cheeks. I stared down at my note pad before allowing my eyes to rest on Edward's and waited for him to pick up his card and start drawing. Clearing his throat lightly, he gently prodded me with his elbow before discreetly turning his pad over, but instead of drawing he wrote the answer down.

My eyes rose slowly to meet his. I flashed him a devious grin, before _innocently_ calling the answer out.

"Jeez, they got one," Rach muttered with a teasing tone, peaking over at me from her note pad and smirking.

Edward was a better actor than I was. He kept up his amused, bewilderment and let a believable amount of time pass before he called out the answer—that I'd written down, then hastily scribbled out.

We managed to get away with it for five games, giggling together like thieves, before Nummi clued onto us.

"They're _cheating_!" she exclaimed, pointing her finger at the two of us, her mouth falling open, while she attempted to mask her amusement behind a pretence of being offended.

"We're not!" I insisted, quickly hiding my notepad behind my back and trying to hold onto a look of innocence.

Edward scoffed out his laughter, and I all but broke into a guilty grin.

"I knew there was something suss happening," Rach said, quirking a knowing brow at us.

"Hey, we had to—Bella's drawings look like freaky alien symbols." Edward chuckled, wrapping his arm around my waist and squeezing me.

I whacked his knee playfully. "It was your idea!"

"Ratting each other out. Nice," Mick teased us.

"That's it, you two are sentenced with getting the drinks," Nummi jumped up from the floor and pulled the door open, ordering us out.

"So long as we play something else when we get back. Is it obvious that I majorly suck at drawing?" I sighed with resignation, allowing Edward to pull me to my feet.

"It's abstract, Bella ... like ... Picasso," he said, pressing his face into my hair and laughing softly as we left the room.

I turned and pushed him, almost knocking him into the wall, while the look of astonishment on his face was so comical that I burst out laughing. He righted himself and held my gaze, his expression turning from surprise to calculated in seconds. He took a single derisive step in my direction, his lips pulling into a small, sly grin, before I squealed and took off running down the hall. Of course, he caught me in a matter of seconds—wrapping his arms around me from behind and almost colliding us with the kitchen bench. He turned me around in his arms, laughing with me as I attempted to catch my breath.

His laughter died down and as mine continued, he just gazed at me with a curious kind of amusement. Then exhaling shortly, he broke into a huge smile that took me so off guard, my laughter stopped in its tracks.

He inclined his head to mine ever so slightly and that's when I all but pounced on him.

Grabbing his shirt with both my fists, I dragged him down to my lips, noting his surprise, before I leaped up into his arms. But just as his lips melted more with mine, as he wrapped his arms around me supporting my weight against him, he uttered an involuntary, reflexive groan.

Immediately I pulled back, forcing myself to my feet; horrified that I'd hurt him!

"Edward—!" I began, my voice shrill and distressed, but he interjected.

"I'm fine," his face clouded a little in frustration. "It's just sometimes, with sudden movements..."

He was looking at _me_ apologetically as though he'd done something to me. I released my static breath, affectionately, then reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I'm sorry," I breathed against the base of his throat. He smelled so bloody good that I pressed my lips against his skin and inhaled him in deeply.

He sighed then, drawing it out, relaxing his posture and enfolding me into his arms.

As he rested his lips on top of my head, I ran my nose slowly back and forth across his throat, becoming completely immersed and dizzy by the scent of him.

"I'm sorry, Bella. It's just ... you kind of took me by surprise jumping on me like that," his tone went from regretful to amused, while this time when he took a breath, I felt the grin grow across his face.

I snapped my head back to look at him, when in an instant he caught my face between his palms and planted a tender but brief kiss on my lips. It was over entirely too soon before he moved his hot, supple lips to my forehead.

"You can jump me later," he added huskily, almost chuckling.

That was a definite!

With a reluctant breath, I pulled myself from Edward's arms and continued to the fridge almost literally seeing stars. It was like getting up suddenly after lying down and having a moment of wooziness, but magnified and added to by a completely raw desire.

I was in serious trouble!

I yanked open the refrigerator door and pulled a couple of cans of coke out from amongst it. Edward came up behind me, leaned over me, almost deliberately and grabbed a drink out himself. I was about to turn to him again when he placed the icy cold can on the back of my neck.

Sucking my breath in violently and gasping in shock, I promptly dropped the cokes I was holding to the floor.

Edward broke into wholehearted laughter.

I spun around to face him, my mouth agape in a feigned attempt at outrage. "What the hell was that?"

"That was getting even," he drawled with an intentional cocky smile; altogether too sure of himself.

I huffed, but my smile completely betrayed me. I couldn't help it; I had a hope of holding it back.

The minute we walked through the door to Nummi's room they all turned to stare at us, either rolling their eyes or smirking—or both in the case of Rach.

"It took you guys ten minutes to get drinks?" she declared.

"We..." I broke off as a flash of heat burned to the surface of my face.

"Uh-huh..." Alice mumbled all knowingly.

"Do you want your drinks or not!" I threatened, plonking myself back on the floor and tossing the cans of coke out to each of them.

"Did Bella ask to see your big pen again, Edward?" Nummi asked shrewdly, while my initial expressionless confusion quickly turned to mortification.

I dropped my head into my hands, and futilely attempted to mask my absolute humiliation.

_Bugger..._

"That reminds me, Bells—how's your belly ring?" Rach jumped in.

I pulled my hands away from my face brashly for a moment. "Sore!"

"But on the other hand it would have pulled the strip tease off nicely." Nummi tried to sound all earnest and sincere, but with Alice and Rach almost choking back their laughter, her lips soon began to twitch craftily. In the next minute, the three of them were almost falling over themselves, while Mick only looked at me with sudden curiosity.

I huffed shortly, trying to hang on to an infinitesimal amount of my dignity without much success. I turned to Edward; he smiled at me, biting on his lower lip. It was a perfect mixture of amusement and tender empathy that only partially made me melt into myself. The fact that he was all but corroborating it only made my face burn more conspicuously.

I scoffed under my breath, trying to remain good natured, when Edward reached over and squeezed my shoulder gently. I broke into a small, dubious smile and shook my head to myself.

"Okay, laugh at me if you will," I said dryly before turning to Edward. "You know that whatever I said or did was only because I wasn't ... me, right?"

He opened his mouth to answer when it closed quickly as an almost injured look flashed behind his eyes. He broke his gaze from mine, his expression completely conflicted. It was almost as if I'd slapped him; his face was all but etched with it.

This sudden emotion from him was only brief and just as quickly he pushed it away, but he was fooling no one. Whatever it was impacted heavily on me. I just stared at him, suddenly feeling panicked, my mind quickly backtracking over what I'd just said in hopes to rectify it.

Only I couldn't find anything.

I went to ask him if he was okay, feeling the concern for him suddenly consume me, but he cleared his throat stiffly and answered my original question, "Of course I do, Bella." He was tense, his tone restricted and unnatural.

For a moment he wouldn't meet my gaze; it was almost blatant. When I gave up and turned my attention away from him, I realised everyone had noticed the sudden shift in him—Alice the most intently. She was eyeing him gravely, before her eyes darted to me, her brow knotting with concern.

Whatever I'd unintentionally said to upset Edward, it continued to affect him. He attempted to put on a casual front, chatting and laughing as we moved on from _Pictionary _to _Trivial Pursuit_, but it became more and more obvious that he was far from okay. He grew completely distant and aloof with me, stopping all contact until he was almost completely avoiding me. Everyone noticed the change in him; Nummi and Rach would often pause to discreetly gaze at him. Even Mick regarded him quietly, while Alice kept a close vigil over him, her expression troubled as her attention alternated between him and me.

"Edward, what is it?" I asked him quietly, after becoming too impatient waiting for him to come out of it.

"Nothing. I'm fine, Bella. I'm ... just tired," he answered with complete uncertainty laced in his voice and without meeting my gaze at all.

I sighed a little too audibly.

What had I said to him? What was he so upset about?

With my mood now feeding from Edward's, and all my thoughts consumed by his behaviour, I pretty much bowed out of the game—in the fact that Rach tactfully skipped over me until I was no longer a participant.

Eventually, Edward became so quiet and withdrawn that he changed the ambience of the room. The atmosphere became awkward and with everyone so completely aware of him, the conversation was strained. It wasn't long after that the new charade had begun; to convince us of their exhaustion. Not that I could blame them; I certainly wouldn't want to be around Edward and me.

Edward, having successfully taken the hint, rose himself to his feet quietly.

"Goodnight, guys—night, Bella." His eyes flickered in my direction almost as an afterthought.

This time the impatience rising within me started to gauge aggravation. I sprang to my feet. "I'll walk you, Edward."

"Okay," he responded quietly, holding the door open for me as he left.

The minute the door was shut behind us, I reached out and grabbed his hand, stopping him from taking another step away from me. He turned back to me with a look of almost resignation on his face.

"Edward!" I pleaded with him. "Tell me what I said to upset you?"

"You didn't say anything, Bella. I told you, I'm tired." His voice was calm but expressionless while his eyes were weary. I gazed into them for a moment, almost becoming convinced that he really was just tired and nothing more by their jaded hue, but I knew better.

I sighed and scratched my forehead, running my fingers over the deeply forming knots gathering there. "I know that's not it. Please tell me, Edward?"

He exhaled, his shoulders falling with it, before taking a step toward me and placing both his hands on my shoulders. "Stop worrying about me, Bella. I'm fine. I'll see you in the morning, 'kay?" With that he leaned down and planted a soft, short—benign, kiss on my forehead.

He reached out and grabbed the door knob, but I didn't move—even when he stepped into the room and turned to close the door on me. Of course he didn't, instead he sighed and rubbed the back of his head. "Bella ... I'm fucking shattered. Go to bed."

"Fine," I whispered, defeated before I turned away from him and walked back to Nummi's room.

He didn't watch me leave. Almost as soon as I walked away I heard the click of his bedroom door closing.

Walking back into Nummi's room, I slammed the door shut—almost throwing myself against it, as I folded my arms across his chest.

Why was it I seemed to screw things up with him time and time again?

It reminded me so much of the Friday before that damned bloody party. Edward had changed so suddenly, and I'd had absolutely no idea why then too.

I brought my palm to my forehead and rubbed it heavily. I felt so completely overwhelmed by sudden doubt and uncertainty that I wanted to start sobbing. Edward had been my absolute lifeline and somehow I'd pushed him away—again!

My eyes caught Alice's. She was appraising me with a concerned brow—that also hinted at exasperation.

"What's wrong with him, Alice?" I asked, feeling myself becoming more and more anxious.

"From what I can gather, you must have said something to him last night that he now thinks you didn't mean," she explained straight out.

I let my arms drop back to my side, feeling helpless and impatient again. "I barely remember anything from last night—why is he so upset?" I exclaimed, my voice rising with mounting agitation. My face was beginning to burn, and I could feel the prickle of tears forming behind my eyes.

What had I done?

"Unless, Bells..." Rach began delicately, "you said something ... _significant_."

I shook my head, flustered and completely clueless. "I ... I have no idea what, though."

I can only imagine what I could have said to him in the state I was in the night before. Did I tell him I wanted to marry him and have his babies?

"Bella, this is Edward. He is totally controlled by his emotions. Give him some time to work it out—he understands that you wouldn't intentionally hurt him," Alice said to me gently.

I knew Alice was only trying to ease my concerns, but all I heard was the validation that I'd hurt Edward, and I felt like shit. The guilt was tearing me up and I had absolutely no way of knowing whether I was overreacting or not!

"Come on," Alice said, sighing. She reached out and grabbed the bottom of my pyjama top, pulling me in the direction of my bed. "Get some sleep, and I guarantee in the morning he'll be fine again."

"If you ask me," Rach began, climbing into her makeshift bed, "you lot need your heads examined getting one of _those things _full time."

"They're not all as uptight as my brother—Jazzy's amazing," Alice said chirpily, her tone going up several decibels at the mention of Jazz.

I crawled into bed, feeling exhausted and disheartened, allowing Alice and Rach's conversation to fade into the background behind my anxious thoughts. Nummi came bounding enthusiastically into the room a few minutes later after saying her goodbyes to Mick and switched off the light.

There wasn't much after-dark conversation; everyone was pretty much sleep deprived from the night before. We managed a few mumbled_ good-nights_, yawning loudly, before the room fell silent.

I knew thirty seconds after I'd closed my eyes there was no way I was going to be able to sleep. Not when whatever it was between Edward and I was hanging in the air completely unresolved. It ate away at me, along with the complete bewilderment at what I could have possibly said to him the previous night.

I lasted an agonising hour before I crept out of bed and stealthily into the hall to Edward's temporary bedroom. There was a dim light illuminated under the door. I paused, contemplating it for no longer than a second before I pushed back my insecurities stubbornly. Knocking gently a couple of times, I turned the knob and peeked around the corner.

He wasn't asleep either. In fact he was lying on his back on top of the bed covers with his hands propped behind his head, wide awake.

"Bella?" he asked, not sounding terribly surprised before he swung his legs to the side of the bed and got to his feet.

I entered the room fully and closed the door behind me before all but bursting out, "I can't sleep, Edward. You have to tell me what I said to you last night—it's driving me crazy!"

He paused, releasing the air from his lungs and dropping his head. "What are you talking about?" he asked softly, running his fingers stiffly through his already assaulted hair.

I took a few steps forward until I was standing only a few feet before him. "I said something to you last night, Edward, and now you think I didn't mean it."

"I told you, Bella—" he began, but I cut him off hotly.

"Don't tell me you're just tired—I know you're not!" I stared at him, my brow tense from frustration, just as the smallest smirk ghosted across his face. It was that bloody all out amused look he often gave me every time I said something stupidly Australian."_Edward!_" I exclaimed, my voice rising, instantly annoyed.

"What do you want me to tell you, Bella?" he asked me, sounding genuinely flustered for the first time; all traces of humour completely wiped from his expression. He seemed almost ... defensive.

"Tell me the truth!" I fired back.

He didn't reply; he just stood there gauging me, while at the same time looking hopelessly lost in his own thoughts.

"Edward?" I whispered, all my frustration melting away as I watched his features etch more deeply with uncertainty. He looked up and met my gaze—I was almost taken back from the vulnerability behind his eyes. Tentatively, I reached out and took his hand in mine, squeezing it gently.

He released the air from his lungs slowly—smiling with it and my heart warmed.

"Do you remember what I said at the prom—about us having terrible communication?" I asked him.

He nodded, scoffing a little, sounding frustrated again. "It's not you, Bella. I'm the one with shit communication."

I released his hand and reached for him, but stopped myself, only grabbing a fistful of his shirt. "When I said it wasn't me last night, I meant doing crazy things like ... trying to pull your pants down," I ended lightly, while feeling my cheeks flame.

He broke into an immediate grin. "You remember that, do you?"

"Kinda," I mumbled in admittance.

His grin broadened, a little of his charm and confidence seeping back into it. "Well ... it wasn't _that_ crazy."

I scowled at him teasingly and shoved him. He chuckled, and I sighed inwardly, full of relief.

"You're not angry at me?" I asked him, glancing up at him hesitantly.

"Bella, I wasn't angry at you to start with." He took a heavy breath. "Come here." He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and led me toward the bed. Sitting us down, he paused in contemplation before turning to face me. The vulnerability was back and something so incredibly honest that brought to the surface a very protective nature in me. He cleared his throat apprehensively before he spoke. "I said something to you last night ... and you replied—and it-it meant ... a lot to me."

His tone continued to relay his vulnerability, but he was serious—incredibly so, and my heart began to pick up in speed.

"Okay ... well, why don't you say it again and if I answer—or respond the same, then you'll know I meant it?" I suggested, trying to get control of my sudden hammering heart. It was compromising me, making my breath quicken with it. Altogether I was feeling slightly unstable.

Did I tell him I wanted to have sex?

He smiled to himself, opened his mouth but then seemed to stall, a flicker of doubt passing through his eyes. "It's ... different—now."

"What is?" I asked him, my voice dropping to a murmur.

"The moment," he admitted, his brow furrowing.

"Well ... you can try and recreate it," I suggested, knowing I was being deliberately coy.

He seemed to contemplate this for a moment, before he grinned again—with that sexy bloody smile back in full swing. "See you later, alligator."

My forehead puckered in confusion. "That's what you said to me?"

He rolled his eyes, almost chuckling. "No—you're supposed to respond..."

"You want me to go?" I asked crestfallen.

He closed his eyes and groaned lowly, dragging his hand quickly back through his hair before he thudded the heel of his palm into his forehead. "You're killing me here, Bella."

"I'm sorry—say it again?"

He dipped his head till his forehead was almost resting with mine, then dropping his voice huskily, he repeated, "See you later, alligator."

"In a while, crocodile," I replied softly.

He paused, lowering his lips to my ear. "I love you, Bella," he murmured.

My heart came to a screaming halt before it went on a rampage within my chest. I drew my suddenly shaky breath in, answering him without another pause and just as his eyes locked with mine again, "I love you too."

He exhaled slowly and smiled, looking almost relieved, while his face completely softened; all tension, all doubt immediately erased.

I only stared at him, my eyes wide; my heart continuing to hammer. I took a breath trying to force air past the building tightness in my chest. I was too overwhelmed to initially react; I was literally being flooded by emotion. "Why would you think I didn't mean it?" I asked him in a whisper.

"Because I'm a dickhead," he replied, his tone light as a smile edged on his lips. "And you were so drunk you wanted me to take advantage of you." This time his grin amplified as he scoffed it softly through his nose.

My face instantly blazed, and I buried it against his chest only momentarily before I pulled back to gaze into his eyes. "But you didn't."

He shook his head. "Nope," he paused as his grin twitched deviously this time. "Though, I did think about it."

I whacked him and he laughed gently, before he bent his head toward me, his nose grazing past mine. I allowed my eyes to close and it wasn't until his lips brushed delicately across mine that my senses snapped back.

"I should have remembered saying that!" I blurted, my voice emotionally charged.

He pulled back and grinned, reaching up to rub his chin. "You _were_ half asleep, Bella."

I shrugged sheepishly. "I know," I mumbled, "but..." I left it unspoken, distracted as Edward, pulling out the charm, inclined his head toward me again.

With a deep surrendering sigh, I tilted my face forward, meeting him half way. His mouth closed over mine, his lips hot and tender, encasing my bottom lip, before he pulled away fractionally. Then, tilting the angle of his face, he leaned in and merged his lips with mine again, kissing me only slightly longer before, again, he pulled back.

"Did I ... sound like I meant it—last night?" I breathed, as our lips separated and his nose slid to the other side of mine.

"Shhh ... you meant it," he barely spoke a decibel before again his lips covered mine.

I felt his hand slide fluidly over my shoulder and around the back of my neck. He ran his fingers through my hair, pressing my face with more pressure to him. His mouth opened, before again he eased back.

"I meant it, Edward ... don't ever think I didn't," I murmured. Leaning forward again, I reached out and grabbed his shirt and pulled him to me.

"I know you did," he responded, his voice gravelly, his breath washing over my lips before he merged them with his all over again.

He would kiss me, tenderly, but briefly—only to pull back over and over again. Each time his lips returned to mine, they would linger, opening to me slowly with increasing pressure, as I surrendered to him breath by breath.

But I was hesitating. My mind wanted to properly process and appreciate the meaning of this revelation—that Edward loved me, but as his hot and supple lips covered mine, parting and unleashing his breath into my mouth, my body cried out in protest to respond.

He moved his hand from around my neck to cup my cheek, and with his thumb against my chin he guided my mouth open to him.

The second I yielded, the second the tip of his tongue contacted with mine, I knew my body had won out.

I pulled him further against me, almost tearing the fabric of his shirt. He tightened his arms around me, holding me flush against him, but it wasn't enough. I was ignited by the sudden need to feel his body pressing fully against mine. I wanted to feel the searing temperature of his skin warm me—connect with me.

And I wanted to feel his hands on me.

I attempted to pull out of his kiss, but each time he drew me back, only to deepen it and take me further into him. I became flooded with his breath; his taste; his scent—every lucid, rational thought becoming completely lost in him.

Eventually the need to breathe—the need to speak became more paramount. I pulled back, only to immediately become sluggish from lack of oxygen. I practically crashed my forehead against his and closed my eyes, trying to pull the air I needed into my lungs to speak

"Edward..." I finally managed to utter breathlessly, my chest rising and falling to meet with his. I opened my eyes, locking them with the burning green depths of his.

"Bella..." he replied, between staggering breaths, before pressing his lips to my face, only once, before he pressed them to my forehead, and then to my cheek as he fought to slow his breathing.

"Touch me," I whispered. My breaths were less laboured now, and the impact of my words suddenly ignited a fire within me.

He looked up, meeting my gaze and holding it; his eyes canvassing mine deeply. I reached around my back, where his arms were wrapped, and took his hands in mine. Then without hesitation or breaking the intensity of his gaze, I placed them on my stomach—where the hem of my singlet top ended—and gently encouraged him to slide them up.

He released his heated breath in a long rush, then curving his hands around the bare skin of my waist, he dragged me back to his lips.

This time when we kissed, it was with mounting urgency; our faces crushed together as our mouths merged with more and more fervor.

I ran my hands up over his chest and around to the nape of his neck; pushing my fingers into his hair, but Edward didn't move his hands from my sides. Instead he kneaded his fingers into my skin, before gripping me again tightly, he pulled me further against him. I lifted myself onto his lap; my legs straddled either side of him.

This is when I discovered exactly what we were doing.

As I settled into him, I immediately felt him digging into me, hard, and burning hot. I shuddered involuntarily, releasing my breath into Edward's mouth, as an influx of heat compromised me further.

Edward reacted instantly, tensing as a low, almost guttural, pained groan escaped him, humming against my lips and washing my face in his heated breath

The sound of it was so primitive—so raw. I took his lips urgently with mine—completely opening myself and surrendering to him. Then, first running my fingers through his thick mass of hair, I shifting my hands to cup and angle his face back to better meet mine, kissing him with more depth, losing myself further.

It was then that he began sliding his hands further up my sides, inch by agonising inch. I pulled back a little from him, closing my mouth a fraction, allowing it to calm. I was too fully aware of his touch to concentrate wholly on his lips.

He slid his hands further northward, his fingers gliding over the ridges of my ribs, almost making me jolt, and leaving a trail of burning, trembling skin in their wake. When he reached the swell of my breasts, the pressure of his fingers became little more than a graze. His hands paused, almost as if in surprise, and it was then that I pulled my lips completely from his mouth.

Resting my forehead gently with his, I allowed my breathing to once again slow as I concentrated fully on the sensation of Edward's hands over me.

His face was tilted toward mine, his eyes were still closed, and a small crease was piquing between his eyebrows. With a long release of my breath, I allowed my eyes to fall shut again, feeling his hands on my bare skin more acutely.

He was so shy and apprehensive, but his touch was like fire, igniting every inch of my skin with an intensity beneath his hands that was close to overwhelming me.

His fingertips slowly rose over my breasts, drawing an almost surprised, breathless gasp from me.

He faltered, his hands freezing over me. "Bella," he began, his low husky voice barely audible as it bathed my face in warmth, "if you're not comfortable..."

"Shut up, and don't stop!" I interjected, almost desperately as my voice fought against my bated breath. But I couldn't help it. His hands were eliciting a desire within me that I had never experienced before.

His breath exhaled shortly through his nose, before he leaned in to press his lips to my cheek, nuzzling against my skin.

With a little more pressure, he continued to run his searing fingers over my breasts, hesitantly at first, and then more firmly. With gaining confidence, he ran his thumbs over the peaks, grazing my nipples with the barest of weight. It was like receiving a slight electric shock. I quivered slightly, inhaling it in then releasing it into a shuddering sigh, then moving my head back slightly, I caressed his face with my nose and lips.

"Edward..." I breathed his name; the tone of it almost coming out as a low, whispered moan. I ran my fingers rigidly through his hair again, this time wanting to grab fistfuls of it in my hands.

His reply was an almost animalistic, muffled sound. Not quite a sigh or a moan, but something so much more intense. His scolding hands then cupped over my breasts and squeezed. It stimulated such a reaction from me, that I grabbed his face and pushed myself against him, engulfing his lips with mine.

With nothing supporting him upright, he quickly went backwards, with me landing flat on top of him.

He pulled his lips from mine, just as the air gushed from his lungs, becoming a breathless moan. Then in one motion he rolled us to the side—his hands still clamped over my breasts—where he locked his mouth once again with mine.

With one hand clutching the nap of this neck, a fistful of his hair curled around my balled fist, I ran my other beneath his shirt, feeling his impossibly warm skin with my palm.

I wanted to feel that hot naked skin against me.

I pulled him flush against me, pressing my fingers into his skin, and feeling the motion of his lungs expanding and retracting heavily.

He pulled his hands from my breasts, and as I continued to become hopelessly immersed in his lips, I was only semi-conscious of where he put them.

One of them curled around my waist, while the other trailed back down my side, past my pyjama bottoms, down my thigh until he reached the back of my knee. Pulling my leg toward him, he rolled into me simultaneously, until he was suddenly lying directly on top of me and wholly between my legs.

Again I was aware only of the sensation of him. Of his firm tender lips and his tongue as it slid against mine, of his hands as his fingers pressed into my skin; and finally of him—the very essence of him—bulging in his tracksuit pants, granite hard and pressing stubbornly between my legs.

The friction of it made stars literally blaze behind my closed eyes; making my breath shorten then hitch. I breathlessly hummed the absolute release it was giving me against his lips. A sound quickly echoed, from Edward, more lowly; more primitively.

Pulling his lips from mine, he trailed them along my jaw, until he plunged them into the base of my throat. He planted a series of hot kisses up and along my neck, until he came to the end of my jaw, directly below my ear. Kissing the area more tenderly, he allowed it to linger before I felt the burning sensation of his tongue connect with my skin.

My breath hitched, and immediately I felt the hot, ruddiness of my aroused and heated blood flush my face. I opened my eyes, they rolled back a fraction as Edward continued to kiss and savour my neck, before they eventually focused.

I closed them again and sighed, long and heavily, before I brought my hand up to my forehead; pushing my hair from my face as I did. "Edward?"

"Mmm?" he murmured lowly, completely distracted, his voice muffled as he continued to nuzzle my skin.

"Buzz Lightyear is watching us."

* * *

**A/N: Take a photo, Buzz... But who are these two? I barely recognise them!**


	37. Because of You

**A/N: Because of you ... something something the sidewalk ... something something so I don't get hurt ...  
I have NFI what the words are to this song.**

* * *

**Chapter 36**

**Because of You**

* * *

**Edward's POV**

After twenty-four hours without release, an erection has got to cause some kind of serious psychological damage. I was freaking sure of it. It was getting painful and exhausting; making me feel like a horny sack of primal impulses and not much else.

But, there was no way I was going to trade in or risk what I had with Bella at the moment, over something that could be easily fixed by simply whacking off in the shower.

I had to accept it; I was just going to have to console myself with this daily ritual until I could have sex with my girlfriend.

I thought that's where Bella had wanted it to go the night before. It was where I was taking us when she put the brakes on. It was probably a good thing, though. I hadn't really planned ahead on it—I had no condoms and I had no idea what Bella's status was on birth control. I wasn't even sure if she was a virgin or not, and we had only been officially a couple for little over a week—never mind that I felt like I'd known her all my life.

I suspected Bella was a virgin; she was way too uncertain for me to think otherwise. Only, last night, how she'd been with me ... she contradicted it a little bit—actually she contradicted it a whole lot.

The fact that it took her six months to completely open herself to me, made me think she was a virgin. I know I didn't really help smooth out the path for us with most of my actions, but it was obvious she was a guarded person, and knowing her mother no one could blame her. But when it came to kissing me, to pulling me against her; to wrapping her legs around me and pushing herself against my dick and almost fucking crippling me in the process, well then she seemed to know exactly what she was doing. And by no means was she shy or uncertain.

But fuck, we hadn't even come close to talking about shit like this, and how the hell did I breech the subject of asking about her sexual past—or lack of—anyway?

I'd never had sex with a virgin before ... at least, I didn't think I had, and I had no idea how I was supposed to handle it.

At the same time I really didn't want to think about Bella's sexual history—that she'd been with someone else. I knew it was irrational, but just the idea of it...

Jesus, I was a dickhead!

I had to shove these thoughts from my mind and get some sleep.

Huffing out my breath, and bringing my hand to rub my forehead, I turned to look at the Star Wars themed digital clock radio on the kid's night stand.

It was 12:30 am.

I had to get up in five and a half hours, but even though I was beyond exhausted, I was finding it hard to fall asleep. One reason was because I was buzzing like an exposed nerve, and amped up on arousal. The reason I was in this condition was because Bella's limp, warm, sleeping body was draped over mine. Her head was lying against my chest, her arms wrapped loosely around me, while her knee was bent straight into my groin. It kind of sabotaged all attempts to kill my hard on, while keeping me, painfully, on the edge.

I curled my arm more tightly around her waist and rested my hand against her bare hip. She took a long, slow breath, released it, squirming against me, mumbling my name almost incoherently.

Smiling to myself, like the goofy prick I felt like, I angled my head forward to press my lips to the top of her head. Her hair was silky and was scented with some estrogen based aphrodisiac that I was sure was designed specifically to turn poor bastards like me into slaves. I inhaled her in deeply before a flood of desire instantly made my erection come fully back to life.

_Fuck!_

I groaned lowly and deeply, only half under my breath. I was going to have to get up earlier and have a shower first; though, how the fuck I could last that long was any one's guess.

It was my own fault. I should have told Bella to go back in with the girls, but like the masochistic dick that I was, I didn't want to let her go. And she'd turned those endless brown eyes on me and told me she wanted to stay with me. And, the blood from my dick still hadn't made up for the depleted amount circulating in my brain. And, at the time I was still in make out mode and was little more than a horny, sweating, drooling mess.

She stirred again before curling her hand around my neck and entwining her leg around mine. Thankfully, she removed her knee from my tortured groin.

I fell asleep around 1:00 am.

**...**

"_EDWARD, OI—MATE, YOU IN THERE?_"

I woke with a start, almost knocking Bella sideways off the bed.

Gazing around confused for a moment, I attempted to get my bearings when the window was rapped loudly.

"_EDWARD_!" John's voice called through the glass this time.

In a rush, recognition hit me. I glanced at the time hastily. It was 6:00 am.

"Oh shit!" I muttered, careful not to disturb Bella, as I jumped from the bed. "_I'LL BE RIGHT OUT_!" I called back.

Pulling off my track pants, I hastily threw on the first pair of jeans I found, before dragging a sweater over my head. Then, turning around to grab my shoes, my eyes caught with Bella's.

"You forgot to set the alarm," she mused, her smile growing more adorable by the fact that she was still half-asleep.

Breaking into a grin, I winked at her. I couldn't risk walking outside with a larger boner than the one I was hanging onto, if I kissed her, after all. "You kind of distracted me. See you later, alligator."

She only flashed me that usual, half cynical grin of hers, before carrying my shoes, I left the house and climbed into John's 4X4.

Kel's parents were having a barbecue in her honor that afternoon, and afterwards her friends were going to celebrate her life with a bonfire—it was something they often did, Bella had informed me.

I'd agreed to help the guys assemble one.

I was anticipating another day of hard labor and another night with Bella pressed against my loins. I wasn't sure which one would be more painful, and it didn't help that over the last two nights I'd barely slept more than six hours.

It wasn't that I didn't want to spend every waking minute with Bella. I did. In fact, it was hard to stay away from her, but having her sleeping with me for another night, having her body in such close proximity to mine, while knowing, physically, there wasn't anything I could do…? Needless to say it was becoming a new form of torture.

Chris dropped John and I back off just after midday, and the way I felt went beyond _buggered_. I was fucked! The lack of sleep had caught up with me and because I'd slept in, I hadn't eaten anything for breakfast. On top of this, I'd drunk two cans of beer, because apparently in Australia nothing could ever get done without it. On an empty stomach it only made me feel queasy and sluggish.

And four hours of lifting around twenty foot long, fallen tree branches was fucking backbreaking.

"You look like you could use another cold one, mate," John said to me with a quick grin as we walked through the front door.

_Oh, God. No._

"Thanks, but I'm good. I might just head to the shower," I replied, rubbing the dried sweat—that was itching the shit out of me—from the back of my neck.

"Rightio. I'll tell the old lady to leave you some lunch then." He slapped me on the back as I turned down the hall.

When I opened the kid's bedroom door to grab a fresh pair of clothes, my cell started buzzing from the nightstand where I'd left it. I picked it up.

Mom.

"Hey, Mom," I said, rubbing the back of my head lazily.

"Hi, sweetheart. Just seeing how everything is," she replied cheerfully.

"Good—it's all good."

"You sound tired," her voice lowered.

"I'm fine."

"How's Alice and Bella?"

"Good."

"Okay, well—" she began, but was interrupted by Emmett's loud boisterous voice calling out, '_mother'_. "Hang on, sweetheart." The receiver made a few noises as she muffled the phone. "What is it, Emmett?" I heard her ask him as clearly as she'd just spoken to me.

"_Tell Edith he had better have gotten a good root in with Bella! I'm sick of his moody, no-rooting bullshit."_

I closed my eyes and groaned only semi beneath my breath.

The phone made another shuffling sound. "Emmett wants to tell you that he hopes you're taking good care of Bella," mom relayed with a dry voice.

"Tell him I am," I insisted, a little too hastily, immediately desperate to hang up the phone. "Mom, I've gotta go—lunch!"

"Okay, darling. Give Alice a kiss for me and Bella my love."

"Okay, I will," I said before quickly hanging up.

Throwing my cell on the neatly made bed, I ran both my hands down my face with an exasperated sigh.

Freaking Emmett!

In the shower I was too exhausted to jerk off. Not that I had the need to after all the _'hard yakka'_ I'd done that morning. I could barely summon my limbs to run the soap over myself, and every muscle within my body was stiff and aching. I just stood under the spray with my forehead resting against the glass screen—which was all that held me on my feet—and closed my eyes.

There was a polite tap on the door, alerting me to the fact that I'd spent a shitty amount of time in the shower. I turned the water off immediately.

"Edward?" Carol's voice called through the door. "Your lunch is ready. Is everything okay?"

"Um, yeah—I'm fine. Coming now," I replied hastily.

Carol was a great cook and she kept us well fed. When I walked into the kitchen—feeling like a gluttonous prick having just soaked up all the household's hot water—she ushered me to the table and placed a huge bowl of, what looked like, Irish stew in front of me with a few bread rolls. I devoured it like I hadn't eaten in weeks.

"The girls are out with the horses," she explained to me, taking my bowl and cutlery from me with a small exasperated smile, when I attempted to clean them in the sink.

"Okay." I mumbled with an awkward smile.

"It's good to see Bella so happy again. I almost don't recognize her—smiling so much," she added, wistfully.

I grinned to myself. Mainly because at the mention of Bella's smile, I got the image of that smile she was always directing at me—owning my ass and seeing straight through me, while flirting with me at the same time. It fucked me up, and made me immediately regret that I wasn't more _proactive_ in the shower.

The minute I spotted Bella, I _definitely _regretted it.

As I walked around the house toward the back paddock, I was just in time to see her pull herself up on a chestnut horse and swing her leg over the saddle with an agility that I'd never seen in her.

It was so freaking hot that I stopped dead in my tracks, with my jaw elevating somewhere near the second coming of my erection.

I just stood in a freaking stupor for a moment, before I released my breath and forced myself forward. I wanted to just watch her as she guided the horse around the paddock with such ease that she seemed to move completely as one with it—as her hair whipped out behind her as she rose and fell with the horse's strides. It was almost freaking erotic.

This was not the Bella I knew at all. In fact, from the first night in Australia, I got the impression she wasn't comfortable around horses. She'd frozen up like she was actually scared of them.

I was still contemplating this when I approached the fence, leaning up against it, and propping my elbows on the top railing; my eyes not once deviating from her.

"Did you know Bella could ride horses?" Alice turned to me, her eyes wide with surprise.

I only shook my head, still unable to tear my gaze from her. There was a lot of things I didn't know about Bella, it seemed.

Becoming aware of me, Bella slowed the horse down and led it back in my direction; stopping right at the fence. She released the reins, ruffled the horse's mane then jumped from the saddle with the same swiftness she'd had a moment ago.

"All yours, Alice," she said as the horse nudged her with its nose. Chuckling softly, she patted its long neck affectionately, before her eyes rose to meet mine.

I grinned at her, probably coming off as horny and strung out as I felt; she returned it, seeming slightly amused, and only breaking her gaze as Alice squealed in anticipation.

Helping Alice adjust and fasten the helmet under her chin, Alice then propped herself up into the saddle while Bella unbuckled something to change the height of the stirrups.

In typical fashion for the little rat, Alice proceeded to lead the horse around the paddock with way too much confidence, as Bella climbed under the fence railings to stand by my side.

I turned to her, to pull her closer to me, but she was already staring up at me, her brow wrinkled with concern. "You look buggered, Edward."

"I'm okay," I replied, breaking into a grin before wrapping my arm over her shoulders. "Where's Nummi and Rach?"

She snaked an arm around my waist then turned back toward the barn, just as they came into view; both leading a horse. "They're going to teach Alice to ride," she explained.

I nodded then looked down to her again. "I didn't know you could ride, Bella. You gave me the impression you were ... scared of horses."

Her expression seemed to cloud, before she broke my gaze. "I'm not scared of them ... no. Kel, was just so into her horses. It ... was hard to see them again." She shrugged then bowed her forehead to my chest momentarily, before she turned her eyes to watch Alice trotting along the fence line. She suddenly looked as lost and overwhelmed as the first day we first arrived.

Pulling her fully against me, I enclosed both my arms around her. Everything she felt—everything that reflected in those fucked up haunted eyes of hers—seemed to rebound within me. And every time that heartbroken freaking look infiltrated her expression, it practically tore my chest open.

Sighing deeply, she encircled her arms around my back, and relaxed against my chest for a moment, before untangling herself and reaching up to wrap her arms around my neck. It caused her shirt to inch up and I became exposed to her warm, naked skin beneath my fingers. This was before she connected her lips to the side of her neck, and completely conquered me.

I could only groan—struggling to prevent it becoming audible and letting her know what she was doing to me.

She could so easily reduce me to a pile of drool, and I wasn't sure I was comfortable being so completely under her control.

I rested my chin on top of her head, trying to stop my hands from all out groping her. I could still recall the feel of her body in my hands from the night before; it was a temptation that almost got the better of me, and I had to keep reminding myself she was still struggling with her grief.

I roughly cleared my throat. "You wanna go for a walk?"

She made a deliberate attempt of mimicking me, by clearing hers. "Yes."

I grinned, exhaling as I did, before releasing her and grabbing her hand. She caught my eye and smiled up at me, full of playful warmth, and just like that she was back.

Bringing her hand to my lips, I kissed the back of it, and let her lead me further down the paddock. We passed the tree that we'd sat under on our first night in Australia, until we were among fields upon fields of sheep. Eventually, the paddock came to an end and open countryside was suddenly spread out before us. This is where Bella led us, over to a small patch of green grass, directly in the sunlight, before we sat down.

I leaned back on my elbows, closed my eyes and soaked in the sun. It was high, warm and made me immediately drowsy. Taking a deep breath, I released it into an exhausted groan, before turning to Bella; squinting from the glare.

She was eying me, her brow puckering with concern.

"Your eyes are bloodshot. How much sleep did you get last night, Edward?" She was serious and as she continued to gaze at me, her expression hedged towards ... guilt.

Always guilt…

I sighed this time and rolled my eyes at her affectionately; she only threw me a shrewd smirk in response.

Reaching up to her, I cupped my palm around the back of her neck, and as I pulled her down to meet my lips, I laid my head in her lap.

She had to practically fold herself in half to merge her mouth with mine, while her hair spilled over my face. Tucking it behind both her ears, she pulled her lips from mine, pressing them momentarily to my forehead, before sitting herself back upright.

Keeping my eyes closed, I enjoyed the feeling of the sun on my face, as Bella began to run her fingertips over my forehead and through my hair.

I kept my focus only on her touch, but it was so freaking soothing that I could feel myself drifting off to sleep—if not for the fact that my dick was in direct competition with my exhaustion.

Her fingers moved tentatively over the scar that ran just below my hair line, before they trailed down my forehead and over the other reminder of that fucked up night; the scar below my left eyebrow. She didn't linger there, and I wasn't sure whether she felt me tense—I felt fucking bare naked—but soon her fingers were running down my face to my mouth. Then tracing her fingers back and forth over my bottom lip, she gently tugged my mouth to open.

"What are you doing?" I asked breaking into a grin, while my eyes remained closed.

She only replied by placing her fingers over my mouth before I felt her shift forward and bend over me again. Her hair swept over my face, engulfing my senses with the scent of her shampoo, only moments before her parted lips locked with mine.

She kissed me softly, with her hands gently about my face. It was tender and affectionate, and just on the edge of intensifying each time she pulled back.

It provoked me into action.

Gliding my hand along her back, and with my fingers entangled in her hair, I cupped it around the back of her neck. Holding her to me more securely, I opened my mouth a fraction more and deepened her kiss. She didn't object to it; in fact, I felt the air escape through her nose rapidly before she took another breath and kissed me back a little more heatedly.

It was just her lips and mouth, nothing more. But even still, I became too immersed in it—and quickly longed for more. It was never enough with her—even now, the realization that I was actually kissing her was blowing my fucking mind away, but it seemed irrelevant. After everything I'd endured to get Bella and me to this point, it should have been enough, but it wasn't. As my heart raced a marathon in my chest, I knew it, and as my erection strained painfully behind the confines of my jeans, I _felt_ it.

Maybe I was just a selfish, horny sack of shit, but I was struggling to fight against it; struggling to keep some boundaries between us.

I'm guessing Bella sensed this from me because she pulled her lips from mine and again rested them on my brow. This time, when I felt the air escape her nose, it was with a sigh.

I had no idea whether it was regretful, or weary—or from just as much exhaustion as I was feeling.

Then, seeming almost reluctant she straightened back up, and when I opened my eyes she was staring around her with a sad faraway look in hers.

"Hey?" I nudged her gently.

Her gaze flickered back to mine and she smiled. She seemed conflicted at first, before it quickly grew warm.

"You okay?" I asked her gently.

"Yeah," she answered, nodding her head simultaneously while her lips curved more into that freaking smile of hers. She went back to running her fingers through my hair, elaborating not long after, "I'm not really looking forward to this barbecue tonight. It ... seems final now. You know?"

I gazed at her fixedly for a moment. Her whole face began to slowly transform with pain again—only briefly—before she seemed to push it away.

She was trying to be brave, but she was still faltering.

"I know," I agreed quietly, pulling myself from her lap and sitting up.

She turned her eyes on me. They were swimming with fucking heartache, despite the affection shining amongst them.

I took her hands in mine and tentatively pulled her against my chest. "Just promise me you won't get yourself lost in at all again, okay?"

She nodded, answering with a short mumbling reply into the fabric of my t-shirt.

"Or I will come in there and get you," I teased her with feigned authority, only I was deadly serious.

She pulled back to look into my eyes before softly chuckling, and shaking her head to herself slightly. "What would I do without you, Edward?"

"Hmmm ... you'd throw up in your hair," I teased her.

She immediately shoved me playfully, with a mocking scowl, then, grabbing my face, almost impulsively, she planted a deep, soft kiss on my lips that was almost long. When her lips parted slowly from mine, it almost fucking killed me. It wasn't just her kissing me, or us fooling around; it went so much deeper.

It was the physical equivalent of the night before, when she told me she loved me.

**...**

By the time we walked back, Alice was still in the paddock, only now she was running the freaking horse around the fence line like she'd been riding all her life.

"She's been thrown off three times," Rach spoke matter-of-factly, while I groaned to myself internally, dragging my hand through my hair subconsciously.

"Oh, God!" Bella declared, shaking her head to herself and laughing softly.

"She is so _stubborn._" Nummi chuckled. "She gives new meaning to the term,_ getting back on the horse_."

"I can't watch," I said abruptly and pulled Bella with me towards the house.

But before I took more than half a dozen steps, she held me back. "Edward, watch. You worry too much, and you need to de-stress!"

She led me back over to the paddock fence, her grin turning wry. I allowed her to, only half begrudgingly, because I would have followed her into fucking Dante's seven circles of hell at that moment.

Ironically, I began to realize exactly how right Jazz had been. Bella had my balls right in the palms of her hands; she always had. I was only glad the prick wasn't here to say something fucking witless like he usually did. Even on the way to the airport, while I had my girlfriend beyond distraught in my arms, the asshole still managed to ask me if I needed a chili to cool down. It was the first time I'd ever seen Alice give him a look that wasn't suggestive. But Bella, on the other hand, seemed to snap out of her anguish for the briefest moment and almost smiled. It was only because of that, that I gave the asshole a reprieve.

"I think she's finally got the hang of it," Rach's voice severed my thoughts, bringing me back to the present moment.

My eyes focused in on Alice, who was riding the horse with even more confidence than she had earlier. I scoffed, shaking my head to myself.

"Do you want a ride, Edward?" Bella asked me.

"Bells!" Nummi spoke up, after sucking in her breath; teasing her with feigned shock. "Get a room!"

"Nummi..." Bella Mumbled.

I glanced up to her. She was sitting on the top railing on the inside of the paddock fence and the instant my eyes caught hers, she snapped them away. She wasn't quick enough to conceal the look of discomfort on her face. And even as she kept her face averted from mine, I could still see the shade her cheeks were rapidly turning.

I hadn't seen her face turn this red since condoms and cucumbers…

Wrapping my arms around her waist, I moved as close to her as possible before murmuring against the back of her shirt, "We can do that later."

She immediately tensed, and just as I was about to fucking kick myself, Nummi suddenly spoke up, "Shoot! We'd better pack it up soon. We still have to go into town!"

Kel's mother had put the girls in charge of the meat for the barbecue, which meant a trip to the butchers. Bella had insisted in going too, so we all were—because Rach had told me earlier that the possibility of running into the bitch mother again was high.

"Edward, why don't you stay here and see if you can get some sleep? You look terrible," Bella suggested as we made our way back to the house. She squeezed my hand and smiled up at me as if in emphasis that she'd be okay without me, but there was no chance that was going to happen.

"I'll stay, if you stay with me," I countered, lowering my voice and trying to tease her, when I was deadly serious.

Her eyebrows pulled together before she drew in her breath and huffed it out. "I can't hide, Edward. Besides, I probably should confront her," she said lowly, becoming lost in her thoughts as her face darkened.

This scared the shit out of me. The last encounter Bella had with her mother, she'd pulled back to timbuc-fucking-too and it took a bottle of vodka to get her out of it. I was worried she'd pull away from me again—I guess that made me a selfish prick—and I didn't want to see her go backwards. Plus, there was no way in this fucking world I'd sit idly by while her mother assaulted her again. Female or not, I'd break her fucking neck if she laid a finger on her.

"Edward, you're..." Bella spoke up hesitantly before she abandoned it.

I glanced down at her, my anxiety retracting to confusion. "I'm ... what?"

"You're doing that thing again where your face goes from frustrated to stressed to pissed off to ... scary..." her voice trailed off, and she sighed, rubbing her brow as though I was adding to her burden.

"I'm just worried about you, Bella, that's all," I admitted seriously.

She released my hand and wrapped her arm around my waist, pulling herself against my side. "I'll be okay—I promise."

"I'm still coming," I insisted, grinning at her replying frown.

"Stubborn…" she said quietly, as a small smile pushed up the corners of her mouth.

…

Bella seemed relaxed and at ease to the trip into town, until we stepped out of the car; she immediately went tense and her face drained. Clutching my hand tightly, she kept close to my side, walking stiffly, until she practically put herself behind me.

Rach and Nummi noticed her reaction, but didn't mention it. I figured they knew her a whole lot better than I did, so I decided not to bring it to her attention either. Alice as usual took it to a new level and took Bella's other hand, wrapped it around her waist and slung her arm over Bella's shoulders.

Bella's face almost instantly relaxed into a warm smile. Alice's contact seemed to definitely loosen her up; she eased her vice-like grip on my hand and released her breath. It wasn't until we were about to walk into the butchers that she immediately froze. I only had to glance down at her and see her wide eyes and pale, fearful expression to understand instantly.

Before I could look over to where Bella's eyes were staring transfixed, her mother's voice rang out arrogantly. I straightened up, almost reflexively, immediately on guard.

"I want a word with you!"

"Get her out of here, Nummi," Rach said lowly.

"No! I'm okay," Bella insisted, refusing to budge, even as I tried to pull her behind me.

The color slowly came back to her face and the fear in her eyes from a moment ago was melting away to reveal a sudden, angry resolve. She kept her hand clamped around mine, but stood her ground as her mother walked straight up to us.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" her mother accused her, folding her arms and ignoring Rach who placed herself directly between her and Bella.

"What?" Bella demanded, her face suddenly twisting with anger and disbelief. She was trembling and her hand that clung to mine was practically wet, but seeming to ignore it, she raised her head boldly, without cowering, and faced her mother.

"You know darn well, what," her mother spat back.

"Fuck you, Renee!" she suddenly burst. Her voice wavered a little, but her tone was hard and pissed off.

_Holy shit!_

"How dare you—you ungrateful little—" her mother took a threatening step forward.

Rach and Nummi immediately blocked her path, just as Alice lunged forward, and since my first reaction was to shield Bella, I struggled to hold freaking Alice back from going on a rampage.

"Get out of my way, girl!" The woman growled at Rach.

"You'd better get out of my face, right now," was Rach's low, hard edged response.

Renee paused, flickering her eyes from Bella to Rach, as if gauging her, before turning her hard, narrow eyes back towards Bella; having obviously decided not to call Rach's bluff. "I raised your sorry ass—" she began, but Bella cut her off; pulling herself stubbornly from behind me.

"Raised me? You didn't raise me. You did nothing but abuse me my entire life!" There was no more fear—she was pissed off. "Kel's mother fed me! Nummi's clothed me. Rach's gave me a place to sleep when you were drunk and beating the shit out of me. You did _nothing_!"

"You lying piece of shit!" her mother spat back, seething. She took another step towards her again, as I immediately put myself between her and Bella, but this time Rach forcefully shoved Renee back.

"You're the God damn bloody liar here, not Bella! Don't pretend we all don't know the truth, now, _Mrs. Dwyer,_" Rach mocked her, sneering angrily.

Shit, even I would have cowered from her; though, Renee stood her ground clinging arrogantly to her fucked up sense of self-righteous indignation.

"Rach, it's okay," Bella said calmly, stepping out from behind me, and drawing her attention to her mother; her eyes resolute. "I have nothing more to say to you, Renee. All you ever cared about was your men and your alcohol. You were never my mother, and now you're _nothing_ to me."

Her face was flooded with emotion; she was madder than hell, but at the same time, she was … hurt.

I drew her to me, but remained guarded, not comfortable with taking my eyes fully off her mother—who was screaming furiously, as Rach shoved her away, calling Bella disgusting fucking names; making me rue that I couldn't take the bitch down.

"Get me out of here, Edward," Bella suddenly whispered, her voice wavering.

I snapped my gaze down to her; she looked pale again and her chest was rising and falling rapidly. I suspected her reserves of bravery were running on empty and she was falling into panic mode again.

Tucking her under my arm, I led her away in the opposite direction. I could feel her openly shaking against me as she clung to me, her fists twisting into my t-shirt. It was making me fucking tense, but my first priority was to get her as far from her mother as I could.

Glancing over my shoulder to make sure she wasn't following, I noticed Alice was close behind us, and when my eyes met hers, she only shook her head in shock and disbelief.

This was the secret Bella had been unable to confide in her—to confide in me.

Spotting a small park, a safe distance away down the street on the other side of the road, I headed there.

As soon as we stopped, Bella pulled from my arms. Her head was bowed and her chest continued to rise and fall deeply.

I held my breath, afraid to speak. Afraid to spark her into action; to allow her mother to poison her again.

"Are ... are you okay, Bella?" Alice asked delicately.

She nodded her head vigorously, but kept it lowered. "I'm fine, Alice." Her voice was too full of emotion and she sounded almost irrational.

"Baby…" I began, holding my hand out to her apprehensively. "You were—"

"Edward," she cut me off, but it was neither a question nor a statement.

Bringing her palm flat to her forehead, Bella raised her head; her eyes were closed and her eyebrows pulled tightly together. She was struggling, and I wasn't sure if she was winning. Then, bringing both hands to her face, she pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes and took a long, deep, heavy breath.

There was nothing I could do but stand before her, helplessly, with baited breath, feeling her slipping away from me. All over again.

But after a moment, Bella apprehensively removed her hands from her face before her gaze met mine. Her eyes were blazing and looked slightly manic; nothing at all like the bottomless pits of despair they were the last time she ran into her mother. Then she did something that took me completely by surprise; she pushed the air from her lungs in a sort of incredulous scoff.

"Holy shit!" she exclaimed, shaking her head slightly to herself, her expression a combination of disbelief and awe. "I can't believe how good that felt!"

* * *

**A/N: A good friend made a banner for this fic. The link is in my profile. I love it. Anywho, thanks for reading, peeps. xoxo**


	38. The Bonfire

**CHAPTER 37**

**The Bonfire**

**Edward's POV**

Taking two giant steps, I wrapped my arm around Bella's shoulders and drew her to me. She was trembling, almost uncontrollably, but at the same time she literally clung to me.

"You were awesome," I murmured into her ear.

Her eyes rose to meet mine, a faint smile appearing on her lips as the color returned to her face, before she took a wavering breath. "I'm done, and I promised Kel I'd put her behind me." Her voice was soft, but resolute.

I squeezed her gently, and she allowed me to hold her against me for a few moments before she pulled from my arms. "I'm sorry you guys had to see ... that," she spoke mainly to Alice, as her brow puckered and her eyes dropped to the ground.

I grabbed her hand.

"Bella, you have nothing to be sorry about!" Alice replied seriously, slinging her arm over her shoulder affectionately.

With her eyes remaining at her feet, a self-conscious smile lit up on her face, before it faded as she bit down on her lip.

My eyes met Alice's; her entire expression was still of disbelief before her brow began to hedge with worry.

"And you handled yourself with dignity," Alice continued, in an obvious attempt to cheer her up. "I would have seriously..." she left the sentence unspoken, her face suddenly clouding.

Bella's smile this time broadened, and she appeared as though she was about to chuckle, but again it fell, while her expression was beginning to look overrun.

It was obvious she was slipping, and I was unsure how to react to her.

It was making me uneasy, and almost subconsciously I released my breath, heavily, catching Bella's attention.

Looking up at me, she flashed me a warm, reassuring smile.

"_I'm okay_," she mouthed.

She was reassuring _me_?

Jesus…

Feeling suddenly overwhelmed, I pulled her against me again. She didn't resist; instead, she rested her head against my chest, and took a deep breath, almost seeming to relax.

Until Nummi and Rach caught up with us, Alice and I did our best to keep Bella as distracted as possible. I kept my hand clamped around hers, not wanting to smother her but still on edge over her evil fucking mother. Bella didn't seemed fazed by the possibility of her returning, but remained tense, quieter than usual and rarely looked up from the ground, and the longer she remained this way, the more agitated I could feel myself becoming.

Then she snapped. We could see it happening; her face slowly began to crumble, before she covered her face with her hands and burst into tears.

I only glanced at Alice helplessly for a moment, before I acted purely on instinct. Pulling her again into my arms, I cradled her entire body against me, holding her tightly.

She didn't fight me this time, but at the same time, she didn't loosen up.

"Bella, it's ok," was Alice's attempt to soothe her, as she ran her hand up and down Bella's arm, but Bella didn't appear to have heard her.

"Talk to me, Baby," I spoke softly to her, pressing my lips against the top of her head—unable to fucking stand this a moment longer.

When Bella spoke—without removing her hands from her face—it was completely through her tears, "I-I-I'm _mortified_, Edward!" I suddenly realized she wasn't drowning like last time—she was pissed. "I can't s-stand that you s-seen _that_!"

"Hey…" I said softly to her, attempting to pull her back to see her face, but she wouldn't allow me to. "Bella—listen to me. I don't give a fuck about her. In fact, she's lucky I didn't knock her ass to the ground. _You're _the only one I care about—nothing else matters to me."

I wasn't sure if it would matter to her—if what I'd said had made a difference at all—then slowly she began to relax against me, before she released her hands from her face and apprehensively wrapped them around me.

"Ok…?" I pressed her only half teasingly, but keeping my tone gentle as I gripped her tighter to my chest.

She nodded hastily, shuddering for a moment before taking a calmer breath. "Ok," she echoed me softly.

By the time Rach and Nummi met up with us again to return to the house, Bella had pulled herself somewhat back together, but she remained too quiet. It didn't seem to worry Rach and Nummi too much, so I didn't bring it to Bella's attention, and I figured it was natural she'd be feeling inundated by what had happened.

Though, compared to what happened last time, she was holding strong.

Carol hurried outside when we pulled up in front of the house, embracing Bella the minute she stepped out of the car. "You okay, sweetheart?" she asked anxiously, bringing her hands to cup Bella's face.

Bella nodded, but she still appeared on the brink.

"She's okay, Edward," Rach suddenly assured me.

I looked down at her; she was smiling up at me warmly with reassurance. Nodding, I smiled back simultaneously, rubbing my chin to break eye contact, not altogether convinced. "Yeah…"

"Just give her some time—she's embarrassed more than anything, and believe me if she was going to flip out it would have happened by now," she elaborated in a hushed voice, before adding, "Actually I'm kind of surprised she's holding it together. You must have gotten through to the little snow queen."

She smirked then, in that astute way of hers; making me believe she was talking about something more than what had happened in town.

Inside, the girls disappeared down the hall to Nummi's room, while I went to the kid's room the gather my shit for the bonfire that night. I threw on a hoodie and after grabbing a sweater from my bag I turned to leave when Bella walked into the room. She only gazed at me for a moment, her expression serious, then without saying a word she walked over to me and wrapped her arms around my neck.

I wasn't sure whether I was relieved more than anything else, but in response I engulfed her impulsively in my arms, holding her tightly against me.

I didn't let her go.

"Um ... Edward? Are you okay?" she asked after a minute, pressing her lips to the side of my neck before squeezing me gently.

I think I scoffed to myself in awe and with way too much emotion.

She was fucking adorable.

"I'm okay, sweetheart." My voice was compromised by her—by the smell and feel of her hair against my face. I cleared it quickly.

She pulled back, her expression quirked in concern as she evaluated me. "Edward ... you're doing that face again."

How was it that she could read me so clearly?

"Am I? I'll try and stop."

She sighed deeply, her shoulders slumping a little with it. "Edward, I'm okay. I know I ... hurt you last time." Her eyes flickered away from mine, filling with guilt.

_Jesus…_

"If you say sorry, Bella, I'm gonna go postal on you," I teased her, feigning aggravation, and chuckling softly when her brow immediately creased in confusion.

"You're gonna go _what _on me?"

"You're adorable," I said gently, pulling her back to me.

Untangling herself from my arms gingerly, she rolled her eyes at me, before flashing me that freaking smile again. "Would you really have put Renee on her ass?" she asked, her smile suddenly inching with amusement.

"Most definitely," I answered, my grin mirroring hers.

She started chuckling beneath her breath, before quickly planting her lips against mine. "I'm going to have a shower—go help Nummi pack the car?"

I glanced out the window to where Nummi stood beside her car, and when I turned back, Bella was gone.

**...**

Girls take a lot of shit for just one night. It was surprising what I helped Nummi stuff inside the small boot of her car.

"It's a girl thing. You wouldn't understand," Nummi teased me.

"Obviously," I replied wryly, when suddenly Nummi sucked in her breath audibly, as if in sudden realization.

"Oh my God," she whispered, shaking her head to herself in wonder.

"What...?" I asked her, curious.

"Do you remember the picture of Bella and her teddy bear?"

Remember? There wasn't a chance I'd ever forget. The sweet little girl, whose face was lit up into a huge smile, with the most haunting fucking eyes imaginable.

"Yeah, I remember," I mumbled.

"His name was Edward—I can't believe I didn't remember that before now," she explained, her voice softening before she scoffed to herself.

My head snapped to meet her gaze in surprise, and I just stared at her for a moment, blankly before feeling an impulsive grin break across my face. "Is that what she named him?"

Nummi shook her head and glanced down, biting on her thumbnail, looking suddenly troubled. "No, that was his name. He was one of those each-one-is-an-original bears that came with a birth certificate. He was the only toy Bella owned—shit, she loved him like nothing else. Her father bought him for her for Christmas one year."

This story obviously wasn't something that was going to end well, and I wasn't sure I really wanted to know, but taking a resigned breath, I turned to fully face her. "What happened to it?"

She raised her head and met my eyes; her expression was suddenly dark. "Renee threw him in the fireplace and made Bella watch him burn."

I just stared at her for a moment, fucking flabbergasted and in disbelief, before I began to tense with growing anger. "What kind of _fucked up mother_ would do that to her kid?!" I suddenly demanded, reefing my hair back through my hair in a fit of pissed off energy.

She shook her head in agreement before her eyes shot nervously to the front door. "Edward, don't tell Bella I told you about this—you know what she's like..." she suddenly pleaded with me.

"I won't mention it, Nummi. I promise," I reassured her, but my mind was still focused on the image of five year old Bella and her bear.

It fucking crippled me.

Huffing my breath, I turned to lean against her car, folding my arms across my chest. "You know I'm going to have to kill her mother, don't you? Did you see the way she hit Bella the other day?"

"No, but I've seen it enough that I can pretty much imagine," she answered quietly.

"Did her father send her another bear?" I asked, when I really wanted to get off this fucking subject before I snapped.

She shook her head. "No, she never told him—she never mentioned him again. That's the way Bella deals with things; she pretends it never happened," Nummi murmured.

When I glanced over and met her eyes, she was gazing at me intently; scrutinizing me almost. Maybe she could see that I was becoming way too pissed off—and fucking exhausted at the same time.

"So—her father only bought her one fucking present her whole life?" I asked with too much hostility in my tone, that Nummi only gauged me for a moment.

"Her mother used to intercept them," she mumbled looking suddenly distracted, before huffing out her breath and whether it was at me or to herself I wasn't sure. "Edward," her voice was stern this time, reminding me of Alice suddenly, "she's gonna know something's up the minute she sees your expression."

I spent the next half hour avoiding Bella, so she wouldn't know something was up with me, because I wasn't sure I could even see her without completely cracking at that moment. It only threw me into Alice's trajectory.

I was in the kid's room under the pretense of tidying it up, when Alice popped her head around the door.

"Hey, can we talk for a minute?" she asked before walking in without waiting for an answer; in typical Alice fashion.

"About...?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

She shook her head and kind of shrugged to herself. "Look there's no easy way of doing this. So just—here." And with that she shoved a box of ... condoms in my hands.

"Alice!" I exclaimed, shoving them back at her. "What the hell?!"

"Just in case, Edward. Okay?" She went to hand them back to me, but instead of taking them, I folded my arms across my chest.

"You don't think I've got this, Alice—_Jesus_!" I could feel the heat rapidly building beneath my skin, and it was about to flash in my face and give the little rat an edge over me. Only, I couldn't decide if I was more pissed off that my sister felt she needed to have a freaking sex talk with me, or because she knew way more than she should have about Bella and me.

"I know Bella doesn't have any, so—" she began, but I cut her off, snatching the condoms from her hand.

"I don't really want to know that my sister carries around condoms for"—I paused to glance down at them—"_extended pleasure and climax control_," I read the label out loud, my voice sarcastic and thick with irritation.

"It doesn't hurt to be cautious." She smirked at me deviously.

"Planning on screwing around on _Jazzy_, were you?" I asked flashing her a humorless grin.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't be an asshole, Edward. I bought them for you."

"Jesus Christ, Alice. Do you think you could mind your own fucking business for once in your life?" I demanded, raking my fingers through my hair, suddenly feeling my skin crawl.

My sister was thinking about my_ climax control_?

"Are you going to take them or not?" she challenged, but otherwise ignored me.

"Keep them for _extended pleasure_ with Jazzy," I replied mockingly, before I closed my eyes, not believing I'd just blurted that out.

She huffed. "_Fine,_ Edward. I'll just give them to Bella." She turned to leave, glancing over her shoulder and winking slyly.

"Alice!" I warned her, but she had already left the room.

_Fucking evil rat!_

I waited in the bedroom for at least five minutes to make absolutely sure that my ears had returned to their normal freaking skin tone. When I walked into the living room, everyone was waiting for me. My eyes deliberately sought out Bella's, while I kept my gaze safely averted from Alice; though, I still knew, with a good degree of confidence that the little rat was smirking at me like a fucking know it all.

I ended up riding with John to Kel's parent's house, but I preferred it that way. I was still freaking edgy and high strung over my pain in the ass sister, and I could tell Bella knew instantly something was up with me.

**...**

The entire town seemed to have turned out for Kel's barbecue. Her parent's property was large like Nummi's, and was crowded with people.

John and I ran into Chris not long after arriving, who then decided to introduce me to everyone who had even a faint connection with Bella. Most of them were her classmates from high school. They all referred to me as _Edwud_, while one prick had the nerve to ask me if Bella was as easy as her mother.

Just as I took a step closer to the asshole, John pulled me swiftly away, hastily shoving a can of beer in my hand. I almost crushed the fucking thing in my grip.

"Take no notice, mate. He's a wanker."

"I guess every country has its weasel Newton," I muttered to myself, taking a gulp of beer and immediately grimacing.

We were joined by Mick a moment later, and sensing I wasn't down to _"get pissed"_ with them, John and Chris pretty much hauled ass.

It was a good thing too—I was going to need to fucking detox my liver by the time I got back home!

"The girls sent me to find you," Mick said, chuckling. "I think Bella was worried you got lost."

We caught up with them chatting with a group of girls, who all stopped and stared at me the minute I approached. One thing was sure; I could now empathize with what Bella had to put up with when she first arrived at Forks High.

After introducing me to everyone, Bella threw me this pleading helpless look, and taking the hint I pulled her away with me.

"Those girls never wanted anything to do with me at school," she confessed after a moment, rolling her eyes good-naturedly. "You and Alice have made me popular." She broke into a light chuckle.

I just grinned at her, shaking my head lightly to myself, before draping my arm over her shoulders, I led her to one of the several alfresco dining tables. Rach and Alice soon joined us, followed by Nummi and Mick—who looked suspiciously disheveled—before John.

Of course Chris came, bringing more "Tooheys" for me to drink with them, but because Bella knew me—too well by this point—she kept them distracted so I wouldn't have to drink too much of the stuff.

"Do you know in the U.S. the legal age to drink is twenty-one?" she asked them on round three.

They looked horrified.

I almost laughed, hiding it behind the can of beer, before taking another reluctant gulp. By the end of dinner, I somehow only managed to drink one can, but by the time we went down to the back paddock for the bonfire a couple of hours later, it had already caught up with me.

I was shattered.

It was only Kel's closest friends and family who were staying, Bella explained to me as I helped her grab our sleeping bags from the boot of Nummi's car. At least, they were what resembled sleeping bags. They were canvass mattress things, with a zip cover that Bella informed me was a_ "swag"_.

"You Australians sure do have interesting names for things," I teased her softly against her ear, as we made our way to sit in front of the now blazing fire.

Smiling to herself in response, Bella joined the two "swags" together before grabbing my hand and pulling me down with her.

"What's in these things?" I asked as I positioned myself behind her, pulling her against my chest.

"A couple of blankets. They're comfy," she answered, draping her hands over my propped knees before releasing her breath.

Bending forward, I pressed my face into the crook of her neck, kissing her skin, before planting my lips just beneath her ear, inhaling her in.

I never could work out what made her smell so damn good!

Taking another breath, she hummed it softly to herself before relaxing fully against me. I leaned back with her, but I was so freaking tired, and the fire was quickly adding to it; on top of this, with Bella's weight against me, my arms began to strain.

Groaning softly, I sat us back upright. Bella immediately accommodated me by wrapping my arms around her, before I again dropped my face against her neck and shoulders; caressing her smooth, cool skin with my nose and lips as I all but fell asleep.

"Do you guys want a drink?"

I snapped my head up to see Chris standing before us, looking slightly uncomfortable, and holding out two cans of coke towards us.

"Erm ... yeah. Thanks," I answered, taking one from him.

Bella politely declined.

Cracking open the can, I took a gulp. I needed the caffeine, and it was ice cold; which helped combat my rapidly rising body temperature.

While I downed it all, Bella played with my free hand, running her palm along mine, and entwining our fingers over and over.

"Edward?" she asked softly, breaking the silence, after I'd set the empty can aside, wrapped my arm back around her and pressed my lips into the curve of her neck again.

I only hummed my answer against the smoothness of her skin.

"Do you understand everything I say, now?"

Lifting up my head, I almost chuckled. "Of course I understand you."

She turned her head to look at me, smiling faintly, unconvinced. "Well how come when I'm talking to you, your brow crunches up and you start doing that smile?"

"What smile?" I asked.

"The one you're doing right now."

Burying my face against her neck again, I muffled my laughter, before raising my head to answer her. "I do understand you, sweetie. I just think you're freaking adorable when you say it."

Rolling her eyes, she flashed me a cynical grin. "Cheesy!" she teased me, before donging me on the knee playfully. "You can't call me that, by the way."

"Call you what?" I asked, raising my brow. "Sweetie?"

"Mmm-hmm," she answered, continuing to thread our fingers together before she wrapped my arms tightly around her again.

"Why not? You _are_ sweet."

"It makes me sound like I'm a cream puff."

Again, I broke into laughter. "You're that too," I murmured into her ear.

She sighed audibly, before nudging me with her elbow. "You are such a sap." Her tone had turned soft.

"Well what am I allowed to call you, then?"

"Hmmm..." she mused.

"Beautiful?" I suggested, moving on from her neck to kiss the side of her face and cheek.

Fuck, she smelled so good; I couldn't tear my freaking face from her!

"Seriously? That makes me sound up myself."

With my lips remaining locked to her skin, my laughter this time came rushing through my nose. "I'd be the one saying it, not you. Besides, you _are _beautiful!"

She only sighed.

Leaning my chin on the top of her head, I groaned, this time with feigned frustration while I contemplated it.

"Honey?"

"Too ... Jazz!" Was Bella's conclusion.

I sighed. "Baby?"

She paused, seemingly in thought. "I prefer that to _'babe'_."

"What's wrong with babe?" I asked before I went back to nuzzling her neck.

She tilted her head, and I wasn't sure if she was accommodating me or contemplating it.

"It's what Jake calls Ness."

I paused, repulsed. "Ok, I won't call you babe."

"I suppose you can call me baby, you big cheeseball," she teased me softly.

"I'm going to call you all those other things too, baby," I murmured, as I trailed the contours of her neck with my nose, before sliding my hand under the two layers of her clothes.

She only sighed, making it audible, before closing her eyes.

The fire was really beginning to burn my eyes; it was practically knocking me out. This was despite the adrenalin that my climbing erection was beginning to push through my system.

With an exhausted groan, I dropped my lips to her shoulder, feeling suddenly unsteady.

I think I fell asleep like that for a few minutes.

"Edward, you're awfully hot. You wanna move back a bit from the fire?" Bella asked me gently, but her voice sounded echoed and faraway

My eyes flew open, and I lifted my head, blinking in confusion.

Climbing to her feet, Bella reached down, grabbed my hand and pulled me to mine, before we moved our swags about ten feet back. The cooler air immediately snapped the coherency back into me, as I rubbed the heavy, smoky sensation from my eyes.

"Edward, oh my God, you look so buggered!" Bella exclaimed, gazing up at me with her expression knotting with concern.

"I'm fine," I replied in a croaky voice; further proof that I'd fallen asleep against her like a pussy!

Kicking her shoes off, Bella dropped to her knees and unzipped one of the swags. There were two blankets folded neatly inside, and with the first, she spread it over the canvass mattress before turning back to me.

"Come on," she said softly, holding out her hand.

Shuffling out of my shoes, I crawled in beside her, before she wrapped the second blanket over us and stretched out to zip us in.

I pulled her against me, and she laid her head on my chest, sighing. It was long and heavy—I could feel the whoosh of the air leaving her lungs, vibrating against me.

"What?" I asked her gently.

"Nothing ... I'm okay," she mumbled before taking a fistful of my shirt.

She always held on to me this way—as if she feared I was going to disappear.

Suddenly feeling freaking engulfed, I rolled us to the side, and pressed my lips against hers deeply, before pulling back to kiss her cheek, then her forehead. "I'm always going to be here, Bella, okay?"

She sighed again, only this time she smiled along with it. "Go to sleep for a while, and then I'll let you get all soppy with me," she teased me, pausing to drop her voice all coy like, "and some other stuff too."

Fuck, there was no chance I was going to sleep now!

But I did. I held out as long as I could, but it was hard to avoid as tired as I was. Not to mention the fact that Bella deliberately lulled me by running her fingers through my hair and over my forehead.

I wasn't sure how long I was asleep for, but when I woke it was quiet—aside from the crackling of the dimming bonfire. Bella was laying limp and heavy on top of me, breathing evenly—with the fistful of my shirt still in her hand.

And I was sweating like a freaking pig.

Carefully, I shifted to the side so that Bella was laying in the crook of my arm, but the minute I moved, she stirred, groaning softly.

"You sure you're not getting sick, Edward?" she mumbled, still half asleep before draping her arm over my waist and snuggling further into me. "You're so _hot!_"

I smiled, exhaling it shortly and unzipped the swag flap-thing before I turned into a freaking puddle of water.

The cold air snapped her completely awake this time, and grabbing my arms she wrapped them around her, shuddering against me.

"This is proof that I'm still not acclimatized to Forks," she grumbled.

"You're half way there. You're not dressed like you're in the arctic like Rach and Nummi," I teased her, wrapping the blanket more securely around her.

She chuckled, went into a coughing fit, shivered then slid her cool hands under my shirt, before finally relaxing against me. But the instant her hands made contact with my skin I was engulfed with a static energy, and was immediately hard.

"You're my very own walking, talking heater," she mumbled, laughing gently to herself.

"You may not want me around in summer," I murmured, pressing my nose into her hair.

"I'll always want you around, you dag," she replied, her tone turning almost serious, before she moved her arms from around me and used them to prop herself up on my chest. She only gazed at me for a moment, and with her face flooded with the glow from the fire, her eyes appeared almost endless.

"What…?"

She suddenly broke into an amused, almost secretive smile. "You talk in your sleep."

Rolling my eyes, I exhaled deliberately. "Noticed that did you? You're a light sleeper."

"Yeah, I am," she admitted, curling her fist under her chin, as her brow bunched for the briefest moment, before her focus was back on me again. "You sleep like the dead, but you're funny."

"Okay, put me out of my misery. What did I say?" I asked, good-naturedly, reaching up to push her hair out of her face.

"Something about a _'freaking little ferret'_"—she chuckled softly—"and a _'fuck my life'_ then a … _'I love you, Baby'_," she relayed, her tone softening; her cheeks going all ruddy.

"You must have been hearing things," I murmured, teasing her, and having to smother my laughter as she whacked me in response. "It's what you told me to call you."

"I know," she replied, rolling her eyes, before she locked them with mine again. "What am I gonna call you?"

"_Edwud," _I answered, mimicking her accent.

Shaking her head she only took an exaggerated breath and scoffed it to herself.

My laughter softened. "Ok, what do you want to call me?"

She paused in thought, her forehead puckering the longer she contemplated it. "Handsome..."

"Erm ... that will make me sound up myself," I replied, as she immediately elbowed me.

"Stop!"

"I'm sorry, go on," I said, pushing my laughter through my nose as she scowled at me.

"Spunk?" she proposed.

"Erm … baby, do you know what that actually means outside of Australia?"

Her brow quirked. "What…" she asked, curiously.

Pulling her closer to me, I whispered the answer in her ear, "_Semen_."

She pulled back in what looked like horrified disbelief. "Seriously?"

Jesus, she was funny!

"Seriously."

She only gazed at me for a moment, a cynical smirk edging into her expression. "You like mocking me, don't you?"

"I'm sorry."

"No, you're not," she replied in good humor, before she went back to contemplating again—only to immediately seem to give up in frustration.. "I dunno—just ... bloody kiss me, _Ed-word_."

Happy to oblige her, I curled my hand around the back of her neck, tangling my fingers in her hair, before dragging her down to meet my lips.

"Yes, _cream puff_," I half mumbled, half chuckled against her soft pouty lips, before I merged them fully with mine.

She immediately deepened it, parting her lips to take mine in a way that was both fucking seductive and way too tender. Her breath gushed from her nose and her limbs slackened against me, before without warning, she pulled back to gaze at me; a slightly bemused expression creasing her brow.

"Do you know what your sister gave me?" She looked like she was about to laugh, but for the slight disbelief and caution hedging into her tone.

"Erm..." I played dumb. I was well aware what my pain in the ass sister gave to her, but I gauged her reaction closely, holding back the internal groan until I was certain freaking Alice had not just set us back six months.

"Condoms," she answered, her voice faintly trailing at the end, as though she was lost in sudden thought. But when she turned her eyes back to mine, they were alight, and her expression was serious.

I contemplated feigning ignorance, but decided against it. I wasn't a great bull-shitter and if she caught me out—she was tight with my freaking sister after all—it wouldn't be productive. Besides, we really did need to be open about stuff like this. I barely had any semblance of control when it came to her now. I had never wanted anything in my life like I wanted her body; it was a physical force that had taken on a life of its own, and I was becoming powerless to stop it.

"Yeah ... I know. She tried to give them to me."

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You didn't take them?"

This fucking stumped me, and it took me a moment to disconnect my brain from my dick and even longer to make sure my pansy ass voice wasn't going to hitch. "Should ... I have?"

"Um ... yeah." There was a faint smile on her face, as if she was thinking "_well, duh"._

It was easier to gauge her reaction, because I was literally stumped again. I kept my mind firmly on her, on that element of uncertainty reflecting in her eyes, in a pitiful attempt to stonewall the freaking raging hard-on that was all but forcing me to focus on the meaning behind her words.

Had she just given us the go ahead?

I opened and closed my mouth several times trying to speak while grasping the enormity of her meaning. A small grin began forming on her lips, and the longer I faltered the broader it became until she was all but chuckling at me.

But despite this, and while I was having a freaking erection induced coronary, it almost escaped me that she had gone notably tense.

"Come here," I muttered, pulling her flush against me, my hands finding their way against her warm—almost burning—skin.

Lifting her head, she gaze directly into my eyes, and in the light of the fire hers were blazing. There was a burning in them that I immediately recognized in me, along with that undeniable vulnerability of hers.

Fuck. She was torn down the middle, exactly like I was.

Clearing her voice gently, she idly began running her fingers along my jaw. "I … get so lost in everything with you, Edward," she began, before she paused, glanced down and chewed on her lower lip as if searching for the right words.

"Yeah...?" I coaxed her, squeezing her gently when she didn't elaborate on it.

She met my eyes again and her expression appeared self-conscious, but at the same time … almost sly. "Last night … it wasn't easy to pull out of it, and we need to be careful."

I nodded and let out my breath, trying to ignore my stiff as a board dick that was becoming freaking painful. "I know. We do," I agreed, my voice thick and too freaking husky. "I just ... I wasn't sure how you felt, or..." I abandoned my train of thought, shaking my head slightly to myself.

Fuck, could I really just come out and ask if she was a virgin? Was I even ready for the answer?

"Or…?" she prompted me, her brows raising questioningly.

"Or … if..." I stalled again, trying in vain to get myself under control—at the bare minimum—before she noticed what a complete primitive bastard I was, but I couldn't think rationally when I was this stiff. It was fucking impossible.

She only gazed at me, an almost amused smile growing across her face the longer she did. "Edward, you look like you're becoming unhinged." Her voice was soft and teasing.

Grinning to myself awkwardly, I tried again. "Bella ... are you—I mean, have you...?" The heat from my dick immediately retracted and flooded to my ears—giving me some kind of relief, at least—before I covered my face behind my hand and groaned out loud. "I'm sorry, baby."

"Edward, it's..." She sighed, abandoning it to pull my hand gently from my face, forcing me to look at her. When I met her eyes, they were endless again, while a small smile was hinting at her lips. "Am I a virgin?" she asked softly.

I didn't respond; I couldn't.

"Yes," she admitted in a whisper, nodding her head slightly.

I might have blinked and swallowed thickly, all I know for sure was that she didn't break her gaze from mine. She just stared into my eyes, down to my very soul before she bent down, her breath washing against my ear, and whispered, "And I want to give it to you."

My heart almost literally came to a screeching halt, catching my breath with it. In the next second, I pulled myself up on one elbow, cupped my hand to her cheek and drew her to me impulsively, pressing my lips urgently against hers.

I was rough, and one step from all out groping her, but she didn't seem to object; in fact, she curled her hands around the back of my neck and allowed me to lie her back, becoming completely fluid beneath me.

It was quickly getting a head of me. I knew, somewhere in the far reaches of my rational mind, she didn't mean she wanted to lose her virginity to me this instant. But I was completely steamrolled by sheer primitive desire. It had become heated very quickly, and I knew I was fast approaching the point of no return. This was despite laying only twenty or so feet away from a group of people—my sister being one of them.

And it didn't help that she was completely accommodating and reactive to every action I made.

Pulling her closer to me, I attempted to drag the blanket over us—all without severing the contact of our lips that had totally fucking conquered me—when I quickly discovered that she'd placed herself directly between my legs. I was leaning on one elbow; it was all that kept me from completely crushing into her, while my dick freaking throbbed in protest. With my other hand, I struggled to slip it beneath her layers of clothes, engulfed by the heat of her lips.

Her mouth was consuming me, wearing down my restraint bit by painful freaking bit; flooding me with her; her hot breath; her tongue—every single freaking particle of her.

The tempo of it went in waves. One minute we were kissing, holding nothing back, with a sense of urgency, and the next she slowed it down, closing her mouth against mine, the pressure of her lips turning almost tender. I wasn't sure which part sent me further over the edge, but what I did know was that it was fucking killing me.

She was in total control, while I was in total fucking strung out chaos

Pulling my lips from hers, I took a staggered breath, becoming fully aware of the aroused energy surging through my veins. Every inch of my skin was alight with her.

"Edward..." she sighed breathlessly, caressing her nose with mine.

Oh, Jesus…

"Bella ... baby," I all but groaned forcing back the animal in me, and knowing I had to hang on; I had to eventually stop this!

But I didn't, instead I crushed my lips back against hers.

Her hands ran through my hair, eagerly, returning to the back of my neck where she held me tightly to her. I grabbed her sweater in my fist, but it remained like that, frozen. I wanted to pull it up, fueled by the feel of her burning skin beneath the layers, but my brain was clouded and buzzing only with the feel of her lips and the torture of my confined dick.

The arm I was leaning on began quaking, so pulling my lips from hers again, I rested my face gently against her cheek as I struggled to take an even breath; struggled to hold on to any self-control I had left; struggled to keep some boundary in place that would prevent me from ripping her clothes off then and there.

Bella merely pressed her lips to my face, running her hands beneath my shirt and around to my back, where she coaxed me to relax my full weight on her. I was as hard as fucking granite and straining furiously, and she'd just thrust me directly between her legs.

Oh, fuck!

Dropping my face into the crook of her neck, I let out one seriously fucked up, shuddering breath. It came out as half a sigh, half a groan, with a one hundred percent, horny as hell undertone.

"Baby ... maybe ... we..." I struggled to pull up the air to speak while my heart thumped furiously in my chest, pumping more and more blood into my stiffer than cement dick.

"I know..." she whispered, just as her hot breath washed out over my face in a sigh that sounded almost identical to mine.

But sliding her hands from around my back, she rested them against my hips, before her fingers slipped beneath the waist band of my jeans. Her touch made every hair on my body to stand on end, while a blaze of desire surged directly to my groin. My dick immediately reacted, jerking—almost bending in half behind my zipper.

I tried to smother back the groan but it ended up coming out as some restricted, fucked up strangled noise from my throat.

Oh, what the fuck!

Grabbing her, I engulfed her back to me, and connected my mouth to hers; feeling her immediately react to me. My hands found their way under her sweater and as I ran them across her, now burning hot, skin, any conflicting thoughts I had immediately faded away. She was consuming me all over again. All I knew was her. Her lips, her body beneath mine, and her hand as it gently and apprehensively inched further down my hip and into my jockeys.

I paused; my mouth instantly halting over hers briefly before I lost myself in the feel of her beneath my palms. As if sensing my reaction, she slowed the kiss down again, and pulled back slightly, only to melt back into me and deepen it a moment later.

I was so far freaking gone that I didn't realize she'd put her whole hand inside my jocks. The button on my jeans popped opened before her fingers grazed my erection, making me physically jolt. I tore my lips from hers, when without warning, she grabbed my dick, wrapped it completely in the palm of her hand and squeezed.

My breath caught in the back of my throat, as a low, involuntary groan escaped me. I went stiff then shuddered, almost blowing my fucking load then and there.

She relaxed her grip.

"Bella..." I managed to speak. My voice was tight and strangled, before I buried my face into her neck, taking deep breaths, desperately trying to distract myself.

Then she squeezed again.

I jerked reflexively, groaning again, louder this time, but muffled against her skin. "Oh, God, Bella—you have to stop!" I hastily grabbed her wrist, as her hand gripped my fucking dick like a vice, and held it still. I was too afraid to pull it off in case the friction would be the end of me. So I just held my hand over hers, kept my face buried against her neck and forcefully dragged fucked up images of Jazz and Alice making out to my mind.

"I-I'm sorry, Edward," she blurted apologetically, suddenly sounding uncertain, before releasing me and quickly pulling her hand out from underneath the waist of my jeans.

The sound of remorse in her voice was enough to deflate me to the point that I could manage some self-control. I raised my head and caught her gaze, and even from the small amount of light the dimming bonfire created, I could see doubt burning deeply in them_._

"Hey," I began softly.

She smiled. It was affectionate, but it matched her eyes in insecurity.

Kissing her gently but briefly, I sighed before pressing my lips to her burning cheek. "Don't ever be sorry for that, Bella," I whispered resolutely, before I kissed her again, closer to her ear, having to physically restrain myself and pull back.

It wasn't fucking easy.

Sitting us both upright, I wrapped the blanket around her, before pulling her against my chest. Then, dropping my lips to the top of her head, I gathered the last of my self-control.

"You're right, baby, I should have taken them," I eventually admitted

She chuckled softly, before drawing my arms tighter around her and releasing her breath into a long drawn out sigh. "Edward … we should ... plan something."

"What do you have in mind?" I asked with a slightly restricted voice, feeling my boner come back to life.

"We should leave it to fate. The next time we're alone … okay?" she suggested, sounding suddenly unsure of herself again.

"Okay," I agreed softly, dropping my lips to the back of her neck and praying that fated day would be as soon as fucking possible.

Subconsciously, I ran my nose along her skin, resting them against her shoulder as my mind began calculating the possibilities.

We only had five more days in Australia. If it wasn't during one of them, we'd have to wait for more than a week until we got back to Forks...

I sighed to myself, and it wasn't until Bella reacted to it that I realized it was out loud.

"You okay?" she murmured, gently.

"I'm fine," I reassured her, squeezing her gently.

Taking my hand in hers, she began playing absently with my fingers. I wanted to ask what she was thinking about, but instead I relaxed myself against her, rising up and down with the motion of her breathing.

A few moments later, with a small smirk hinting on her lips, she elaborated, "Edward?"

"Mmm-hmm?" I mumbled, closing my eyes just as a completely fucked up image of me and Bella having sex in front of a thousand sheep, in some dry patch of grass at the back of Nummi's property, unfolded in my mind.

"You really do have a big pen."

* * *

**A/N: Of course he does. It just wouldn't be Kosher if he didn't peeps, I mean, come on...**


	39. Never Say Goodbye

**A/N: Fuck me this chapter is cheesy. Try as I did I couldn't uncheese it. I apologise in advance, but there you have it.**

* * *

**Chapter 38**

**Never Say Goodbye**

**Edward's POV**

The next day wasn't our "fated day", nor was the day after that, or the day after that; or the fucking day after that...

We hung around the house, or I was dragged to the shearing sheds, while the girls rode the horses, and every night Bella stayed in the kid's room with me. She let me get more adventurous with her, but she always cut it off before the point of no return. It was fucking torture, and I was so horny to the point it became suffocating.

On our last day in Australia we headed about an hour out of town to an old convict town for breakfast, and afterwards hanging about while the freaking little ferret had her photo taken with everything she thought was historic.

Bella stayed close to Rach and Nummi. She had grown quiet.

It wasn't hard to guess why.

I knew it was going to be hard for Bella to say goodbye, so I figured I shouldn't be a selfish asshole and monopolize all her time. We'd be home soon, and we could have some kind of normal, at least. For now, I just had to accept the fact that we wouldn't be having sex in Australia, because yeah, that was pretty much all I could think of since the bonfire.

I rode back to Carol and Brian's house with John while the girls rode together, and by the time I'd packed my bags ready for our early departure the next morning, the sun was beginning to set and Carol was calling us to dinner.

She made it something of a special occasion as our last night there, and just before we began eating, she stood up from her chair and raised her glass of wine.

"Alice and Edward," she smiled over at us warmly, "it's been an absolute pleasure having you two here, and you're welcome back anytime." Her smile broadened before her eyes then rested on Bella; where it turned almost sad. "And, Bella, sweetheart," her voice softened, "where ever you are in this world, just know that you'll always have a home here."

Bella, who was sitting opposite me, next to Rach, had been flashing me that freaking smile of hers, when she turned to face Carol. She only nodded quickly, her brow bunching in an obvious effort to hold back her emotion, before Rach slung her arm over her shoulder and nudged her.

"Hear-hear," Brian added with a gruff sounding voice, raising his can of "Tooheys", and we began eating.

The mood was pretty sedate. Bella looked dejected, only when her eyes rose intermittently to meet mine, her face would completely transform, and fuck me if I could work it out. I wasn't quite ready to sigh with relief, but it seemed like so far she'd come through this whole ordeal and still had faith in me. Or more accurately, I hadn't fucked it up yet.

Out of respect more than obligation, I hung out with John and Brian after dinner and drank a couple of beers with them. Since arriving in Australia I had—pretty fucking ironically—come around to the taste of it; not to mention the ten pounds of muscle I was sure I'd gained during my days of "hard yakka". Nummi's family were genuine. What you saw was what you got, and they had welcomed Alice and me into their home without hesitation. They were also a part of the few people who'd supported Bella when her parents were either absent or fucked up abusive. I hated to imagine what would have happened to her if she didn't have them in her life; in fact, it made me feel pretty fucking edgy.

But that could have been sexual frustration.

When I went down the hall to have a shower after my _"piss up" _with the boys, I could hear the girls laughing on the other side of Nummi's bedroom door. I hesitated, deciding whether I should interrupt them. I had barely spoken to Bella all day, and considering that over the last week she had been practically glued to my side, I missed her.

I decided to let it go, but by the time I got back to the kid's bedroom, Bella was waiting inside for me. She was sitting on the bed wearing this sexy little cotton nightshirt, and as I entered she glanced over at me intently as an almost apprehensive smile lit up across her face.

Of course, the first thought that had come to my mind was that Bella had decided that tonight was our_ fated moment_. My dick immediately had a knee jerk reaction, springing to fucking life behind just my pajama bottoms. It wasn't as if I could prevent it—or hide it, and Bella's eyes immediately dropped down to them, a smirk slowly replacing her smile.

"Happy to see me, Edward, or do you have a pen in your pocket?" she teased me, quirking an eyebrow, before getting up off the bed and approaching me.

Reaching out, I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her against me. She only gazed up at me, her palm smoothing down my shirt while her grin turned knowing.

I bent my head to kiss her but paused, laughing softly as her brow creased. "There are rules when it comes to certain parts of me, and unless you want me to call you something that will make you look _up yourself_, you have to be nice," I teased her back—only my voice refused to cooperate, as usual. I was still strung out from of the previous few nights and was still trying to process the reality that Bella wanted to have sex with me.

"My boyfriend is a major spunk—I already am up myself." She blinked her lashes all coy-like before her grin broadened and became cynical—as if she was rolling her eyes at herself, and fuck me, I never knew if she was joking with me or not!

Exhaling my breath, I half groaned. "Bella, that was terrible."

She released her breath into a humming sound. "It was really—but it's true," she murmured, before wrapping her arms around my neck and squeezing closer to me. Her breath washed against the top of my chest, and she pressed her lips against my skin, resting against me for a moment, before she suddenly laughed softly to herself.

"What?"

"I'll say one thing, it's hotter than even you are," she answered, continuing to laugh to herself, her words mumbling against my skin.

I laughed along with her, dropping my lips to rest on the top of her head. "Technically, it's still me."

Nudging me, she leaned back to see my face, scowling at me; though, unable to wipe the smile completely from her expression. "Are you mocking me again?"

I only grinned down at her, when she released me and grabbed my hand. "Anyway, I've come to hold you ransom with us girls tonight," she said, turning and pulling me in the direction of the door, but I refused to budge.

Turning back to me, she only raised her brow questioningly.

"Just ... hang on a minute," I said softly, drawing her back to me.

With my free hand I cupped her cheek, bending down to bring her to me. I kissed her almost cautiously, with my mouth only slightly parted, not wanting to let it get away from us again. I was torn between wanting to kiss her—wanting to fucking feel her up, but without making it become torture for me.

She didn't make it fucking easy, though…

When she kissed me back, she deepened it, pressing her body tightly against mine as her breath rushed to flood my face.

It was all it took to crack the restraint I was hanging onto.

I pulled her flat to my chest, almost lifting her off the ground, as she wrapped her arms tightly around my neck. While I lost myself in the seduction that was her mouth, I began pulling up her nightshirt, slipping my hands against her naked skin. She was warm and soft, and fumbling slightly, I slid them down her body, connecting with her hips, before they came into contact with the cotton material of her underwear. My hands paused; though, Bella seemed oblivious, her mouth completely open to mine while her hands, wrapped around my face and neck, kept my lips fastened to hers.

My blood was coursing through me burning hot, making me feel weak and powerless against the pure physical desire I had for her. All I wanted was her body, and I wanted it with a fucked up, uncompromising hunger.

My hands gripped the waist of her underwear, stiffly, as I muffled a breathless groan against her mouth. She pulled back, her hot breath washing over my lips, while I kept my eyes squeezed tightly shut.

"Bella ... we..." I began, my voice tight as I fought the horny fucking beast within me.

I felt her lips against mine again, only briefly, before she pulled back and let out her breath into a long, heavy sigh. Then reaching down, she took both my hands in hers and gently prized my fingers from the elastic of her underwear—only to place them higher up her torso.

When I finally opened my eyes to gaze into hers, they were deep and burning.

"Too much temptation?" she asked, teasing me gently, raising her eyebrows.

I only mumbled out an incoherent reply, before breaking into a fucking drunken grin.

In truth, having any part of her skin beneath my fingers was proving too much of a temptation, but I was glad she'd stopped me, because I didn't know if I would have been able to prevent myself from ripping them down. And, if I got them down, there'd be no reining in the animal in me.

I tried to force these thoughts from my mind, when I realized my hands were still cupped around the upper half of Bella's torso, feeling her chest rise and fall in sync with mine, while my dick was standing completely on end and digging into her stomach.

Groaning inwardly, I closed my eyes, feeling my forehead completely knot from the fucking pain I was in. I didn't remove my hands; in fact, I started caressing her skin with my fingers and inching them up. All the while I was an open fucking flame.

I was becoming more at ease with my bullshit body temperature, and I liked Bella's reaction to it. She never made me feel like a primitive bastard over it.

She sighed again, deeply; sounding almost as frustrated as I felt, before leaning up on her toes and kissing me again. It was only brief, but it fucking crippled me.

How the fuck did she know how to kiss me with so much goddamn tenderness, while being completely fucking erotic at the same time?

I was on autopilot. Leaning back to her, I pressed my lips to hers, wanting her so fucking much, when she pulled back again. She was ending it, and releasing my tortured breath, I dipped my head, resting my forehead against hers, while my hands dropped from her sides.

She began running her fingers through the back of my hair, before she ran one of her hands down my face, resting it on my cheek.

I opened my eyes. Her gaze was lowered; she looked troubled, before her eyes flickered to meet mine.

"I don't mean to tease you, Edward," she said softly, her eyes dropping again, while her hand on my cheek moved to rest on my chest.

"I know you don't," I replied, clearing my throat.

She only stared deep into my eyes, and again I had no fucking idea what she was thinking, only that she was beginning to look... lost.

Bringing my hand to her face, I ran the back of my fingers across her cheekbone. "You okay?"

"I'm okay," she said quietly, nodding at the same time, before her lips curved into a small smile, her expression relaxing. "I'd be better if you weren't so bloody hard to resist."

I laughed this time, gently. "Well, you know, I _am_ a spunk, after all."

Looking up at me squarely she threw me a feigned frown. "Always mocking me."

And just as she moved to shove me, I cupped both my hands about her face, pressing my lips to hers briefly, before completely releasing her.

**...**

"Fifteen minutes—I win!" Alice exclaimed the instant we walked through the door to Nummi's room.

"Huh?" I asked her, blankly.

"We had a bet to see how long we thought it would take Bella to get you in here," Nummi explained with a knowing grin. "Alice was the closest. I said half an hour."

"I was the most bloody naïve. I said five minutes," Rach piped up, rolling her eyes to herself.

I broke into a semi awkward smile and glanced down at Bella; she was flashing Rach a wry smirk.

"I'm so glad you guys are finding amusement in us," she huffed good-naturedly, squeezing my side before she released her arm around me and jumped onto the double bed in the middle of the room. Then, settling herself amongst the pillows she looked over at me and motioned—too freaking seductively—with her index finger for me to join her.

I climbed on the bed beside her and folded my arms. As much as I wanted to completely grope her, I didn't like the prospect of three girls, one of them my pain in the ass sister, seeing the reaction Bella brought out in me. But Bella simply snuggled against my side, taking one of my hands and playing with my fingers as she chatted.

I was happy enough to listen. When Bella was relaxed, her Australian-isms were a lot more prominent, and almost too freaking funny to keep a straight face. With my free arm, I wrapped it around her waist, pulling her closer against me, trying to hide the fact that it was all I could do not to start laughing. A few times, I was forced to cough it back into my hand; though, it seemed to go unnoticed by everyone, except Alice.

Bella seemed comfortable to have me there, without being as conscious of her language like she would have been in Forks. And all the time her hands didn't sever contact with me. She seemed fixated on playing with my ear, while a few times she brought the back of my hand to her lips, before continuing to chat away.

I hadn't seen her so at ease since the day we did condom testing in Bio, and my eyes rarely left her.

When she caught my gaze, I leaned in and kissed her on the side of her forehead.

"Um ... Okay, you two are cute and everything, but I'm starting to feel the urge to chuck," Rach spoke up, her voice dry.

It took me a moment to realize she was speaking to Bella and me, and when I met her all too knowing gaze, I only grinned. Breaking into a smirk she turned to Bella and almost openly rolled her eyes.

"_I'm_ still in a state of shock that it's _Bella_!" Nummi added, before her eyes met mine and she continued, "In the past if a guy even looked at Bella the wrong way, she'd give them a look that said she'd cut their balls off if they got any closer!"

I inhaled a mouthful of saliva and almost fucking choked to death.

"She's looked at me a few times like that," I finally admitted in a tight voice.

She nudged me. "Well, that's because my mother is the town slag and all the boys thought I was the same—you think I didn't know why they hung around waiting for me to faint?" Bella replied, her tone turning cynical again.

This surprised me, so much that I quickly gained control of my restricted throat and turned to her—just in time to see her expression darken.

I squeezed her hand reassuringly, and she looked up and smiled at me kind of ruefully. With my fingers wrapped around hers, I reached over and ran them down her cheek. "When did you faint?" I asked, teasing her.

She looked down again, smiling this time with an edge of embarrassment before she again met my eyes and sort of half shrugged. "Every day between October and March."

"Bells is allergic to summer," Nummi explained, beginning to chuckle.

"In Forks, between October and March, it snows," I murmured into her ear.

Rach suddenly groaned loudly. "Okay, so I doubt Edward's balls are in danger, but do you guys mind being sensitive to those of us who are forcefully celibate?"

"Erm ..." I mumbled, muffling my laughter under my breath and feeling my face flash. I was forcefully celibate as well—until I could get Bella alone, that is.

"I think that's just you, Rach," Nummi added quickly.

"You guys just aren't desensitized to Alice and Jazz," Bella spoke up, flashing Alice an affectionate grin.

In reply, Alice cleared her throat loudly and with feigned offense. "Excuse me, but I'll have you know that Jazz and I never got as hot and heated as you two the other night at the bonfire, when we were only dating for two weeks."

Oh, fuck me sideways.

"Really ... got pretty heated under the swag did it, guys?" Rach drawled, her smirk turning fucking canny again.

Bella only bowed her forehead against my chest and groaned softly to herself, and even through the fabric of my shirt I felt her face burning.

I only cleared my throat, rubbing my forehead if only to break Rach's gaze, but what the fuck could I say? And my skin fucking crawled with the knowledge that my fucking sister saw us.

"Seriously, we all thought Bella would become a nun," Nummi explained to me, before breaking off to laugh.

"Nah, I knew she wouldn't be single for too long over there," Rach replied. "Gotta give Edward credit for cracking her, though."

"I'll say!" Nummi agreed. "It couldn't have been easy."

"It wasn't," I confessed, before Bella promptly whacked me in the chest.

"Oh my god, will you guys stop talking about me as if I'm not right here!"

"So, how did he crack you, Bells?" Nummi asked her this time, seeming genuinely interested, while I started to feel fucking awkward.

"He just refused to take no for an answer," she said simply, pausing to yawn, before wrapping her arm around my waist.

Well that was the fucking understatement of the millennium.

**...**

It was 8am, as we stood on the platform of the station waiting for our train. Alice beside me was blubbering away, while Bella, hugging Rach and Nummi to her, was sobbing.

I knew she'd tried to hold strong, but her tears had begun the moment Carol hugged her goodbye at the house, and the minute she turned to them, after we'd put our bags down on the platform, Nummi and Rach promptly burst into tears and pulled her to them.

"It won't be forever," Rach insisted, pulling back to wipe Bella's tears away, while she struggled to hold back her own. "I promise."

Bella bowed her head, nodding, her tears falling to the concrete at her feet.

"Yeah, Bells, we're coming over there next time," Nummi insisted.

Burying her head in her hands, Bella made a pitiful attempt to wipe her face dry. "You guys had better," was her muffled reply, while her voice continued to break.

They hugged and kissed the way girls do, before Rach pulled away and nudged Bella teasingly. "I'm gonna give your boyfriend a kiss, Bells, before I don't get another chance."

Bella only laughed softly and nodded, before Rach glanced up at me and smiled warmly—but still in that canny fucking way, as if she knew exactly what I was thinking. "Come here, you."

I hugged her goodbye, and then bent down to meet the kiss that she planted on my cheek. She then motioned to me, leaned in closer and dropped her voice. "If you hurt her, I'll get on a plane and_ I_ _will_ cut off your balls." Her tone was light and teasing but when I pulled back there was conviction in her eyes.

I had no doubt she would!

"I promise you, I won't hurt her," I assured her, lowering my voice. I was serious, and I wanted her to know I was, because if I had to guess, I'd bet she knew all about the shit I'd already put Bella through.

She quirked an eyebrow at me, not looking altogether convinced. "Well, okay..."

She turned to Alice then, letting me off the hook, and the next minute Nummi was hugging me tightly. "It was great meeting you, Edward," she burst, planting a rather mushy kiss where Rach had a moment ago.

"You too, Nummi—what's your real name, by the way?" I pulled back and asked her, suddenly curious.

"Naomi," she answered, with a small grin, "and _how tall_ are you?"

I laughed lightly. "Six-one, _Naomi_."

She chuckled. "And are you sure you're Alice's twin?"

I laughed, this time fully. "The jury's still out."

"He's right, because _unlike_ him I have _normal_ body temperature," Alice piped up, before pulling Nummi to her.

Rach and Nummi were awesome and I loved them, but goodbyes are always as awkward as fuck, and I knew it was killing Bella, so when the train finally pulled in, I let out my breath in relief.

Bella turned to Rach and hugged her one last time, before doing the same with Nummi, until all three of them hugged together.

"I love you guys," she whispered to them, kissing them both quickly before she turned toward me and looked up to meet my gaze.

The look on her face was pure, fucked up heartbreak, and her eyes, like they did altogether too much, were drowning with it. I only smiled down at her gently, but I was feeling pissed off all of a sudden.

Grabbing her hand, I practically had to pull her on to the train. Bella kept her eyes locked to the ground until we stepped inside the cabin, where she turned back to them and held up her hand to the window of the doors.

"Bye..." she whispered, the tears continuing to pour down her face.

"Seeya, guys," I said softly, keeping my hand clamped tightly to Bella's. She was trembling; I could feel the energy of it traveling up my arm. I glanced down at her before back to Rach and Nummi, and in a fucked up way I felt guilty that I was taking Bella back to Forks with me. I was going to miss them—I was going to miss this country.

As the train pulled out we made our way into the carriage to find our seats; I shoved our bags into a small compartment then went to sit beside Bella. She was sobbing, and looking completely fucking pitiful as Alice wrapped her arm around her.

I sighed and took my seat before pulling her against me, where she dropped her face to her hands.

"Hey," I said gently, attempting to prize her hands away.

"I'm OK, Edward," she said in a shaky, broken voice, but refusing to budge.

I only smiled slightly to myself, but didn't reply, letting her cry it out, and after a while she grew calm enough to pull herself together.

For the first hour of the journey, she was quiet, sitting with her back against me and gazing out the window, until eventually she began to loosen up.

Wrapping my arms around her waist, she snuggled closer to me, before leaning her chin on my shoulder and turning to me.

I turned to face her.

"Edward?" she asked softly.

"Hmmm?" I mumbled, pressing my nose and lips against her forehead and closing my eyes. It had really fucked me up to see her go through so much the last two weeks. It made me feel edgy and irrational because I felt like I was suffering along with her. As much as it made me feel like a selfish bastard I was so fucking tired of it, and I just wanted it to be about her and me.

She continued to just stare at me, when the smallest smile curved on her lips. "You're doing that face again."

I grinned, pushing it through my nose, while Alice, sitting across from us, snorted.

"What face is that?" I asked.

She lifted her chin from me, and sat up straighter. "You get about ten emotions across your face—all at once and the vein in your forehead looks like it's about to burst." And as if to verify it, she pressed her fingers to my temple.

"And he looks like he's going to kill you and hug you at once," Alice added, to which Bella broke into laughter.

"Um ... not quite, Als. If Edward was looking at me the way he looks at you, I'd be worried."

Grinning to myself, I kissed the side of her face impulsively. This was the Bella that I was getting to know just before Kel died. The same Bella who was texting me with her Forks jokes, teasing me on the phone, and sitting beside me in Bio and writing me adorable freaking notes with the pens I gave her. The same Bella that almost literally made me feel like I was walking around in a constant state of freaking heat stroke, while I was hornier than I had ever been in my life.

The same Bella I feared was gone forever.

In fact, the further we traveled the more Bella became her old self. She curled herself into my side, resting her hand on my leg, running her fingers absently across my jeans as she chatted. She laughed more, while the smiles she flashed me began to become playful. She kissed me—a lot, even with the little rat beside us smirking at us like a wise ass, and she whispered things to me that I could only pray Alice didn't hear.

Fuck me sideways, this girl was going to be the end of me—that was if sexual frustration didn't kill me first.

Alice fell asleep about half way into it, and Bella gradually went quiet again, gazing out the window as she played with my fingers. If truth be told I was fucking shattered, and I knew she had to be as tired as I was. But I had just closed my eyes when I felt her lips against mine.

"Have I told you how amazing you are, Edward?" she murmured into my ear, nuzzling it with her nose, before pressing her lips to the side of my face.

"Shut up and go to sleep. You can tell me how amazing I am when we're back in Forks," I mumbled without opening my eyes, grinning slightly to myself when she immediately nudged me.

She eventually fell asleep before I did, waking me up five minutes before we arrived in Sydney.

* * *

**A/N: Who knows what song this chapter is?**


	40. The Ferris Wheel

**A/N: I kinda like this chapter...**

* * *

**Chapter 39**

**The Ferris Wheel**

**Edward's POV**

We dragged our asses onto the platform and headed to the adjacent one, where we were catching the connecting train to the airport. This was when mom rang.

"Hey, honey. You'll have to stay another night in Australia, I'm afraid," she explained with a sigh.

"Huh?" I uttered blankly, still fucking half asleep. "We're five minutes from the airport!"

"Your plane was grounded. I'm still getting information on it, but it's definitely not going anywhere for the next twenty four hours, at least."

"What do you mean it was grounded? We're in Sydney, Mom. We can't go back to Nummi's now!" I replied in frustration, reefing my hand back through my hair.

"Calm down, Edward. I'll arrange for a hotel for tonight." She sighed again, no doubt at me this time, but as the meaning behind her words became clear, my senses immediately snapped back.

Fuck...

My eyes darted to meet Bella's; her brow was knotting with obvious disappointment, but I only stared at her as the implications of my mother's words began to sink in. In the next instant I was fully fucking erect, my skin prickling with rapidly building heat, while my mind completely shut down.

"Edward? Hello?"

"Uh... yeah... W-Which hotel?" I stammered, fucking lucky I was able to find my voice.

"I'll book you one and get back to you. Hold tight for about ten minutes, okay, honey?"

"Okay," I answered, clearing my throat roughly.

"We're staying another night?" Alice asked, her face lighting up at the prospect.

"Looks like it," I mumbled, raising my eyes to meet Bella's again, and as usual I couldn't read her. She appeared to be lost in thought, and her face was slightly flushed, but she only held my gaze for a few seconds before she broke away and pulled on her bottom lip.

"Yay!" Alice clapped her hands and jumped up and down like a fucking infant, but I was too distracted to react to her.

All I could really register was the fact that if Mom booked us a two bedroom hotel...

Fuck me...

My heart began pounding; I could feel it throughout my body, hammering at my temples and causing my fucking hands to begin to shake.

"Mom's getting us a hotel. She's gonna ring back in a moment," I explained, rubbing my forehead and focusing on the ground to attempt to rein in my building fucking erection, before I sat down on a platform bench.

Bella immediately sat beside me, grabbing my hand and squeezing it, and when I looked back into her eyes they hamstringed me. They were burning and a million emotions were coursing through them but the most prominent one was uncertainty.

Like the fucking Chihuahua on crack that she was, Alice bounded onto the seat beside me, promptly bringing me out of my suspended stupor by slapping me on the back.

"A night in Sydney! What are we gonna do?" she squealed in my ear.

I cringed away from her. "Calm the fuck down, will you, Alice—Jesus!" I burst impatiently, turning back to Bella.

She still looked just as unsure, before she did something that I was becoming increasingly familiar with; she reached up and tugged on her lower lip. When she caught my gaze she immediately snapped out of it, but her expression was still ingrained with apprehension.

"We can go to Luna Park?" she suggested, raising her eyebrows, while I stared at her completely fucking confused, before I realized that she was answering Alice's question.

"Cool!" Alice replied too enthusiastically, her voice going up another decibel.

I rolled my eyes and thought about shoving the little rat off the bench. Trust her to fucking know what _Luna Park_ was; to me it sounded like a freaking mental asylum.

My phone rang. Mom gave me the name and address of the hotel she'd booked for us before explaining the situation with the plane further. I nodded, not really hearing her. My thoughts had begun ticking over again and I think I was running my hand through my hair and jerking on the collar of my shirt. I was beginning to feel fucking hot!

"I'll call you when I know more, give Alice a k—"

I hung up and turned to Bella. "The Somerset at Darling Harbor, do you know it?"

Her eyebrows pulled together and she tilted her head slightly. "I know where Darling Harbor is."

To get to Darling Harbor we took a train three stations away and got off right at Sydney Harbor, with the giant Hell Gate bridge looming ahead of us. Of course, Alice had to go all touristy and start overdosing on her excitement, until a very nice local offered to take a photo of us "_three Yankees" _with the bridge and the bizarre shaped opera house behind us.

We boarded a ferry which went under the bridge and made stops at various locations around the harbor. One of them was _Luna Park_; a small amusement park, where the entry was a huge freaking creepy looking smiling face.

"Oh, that is so cool—we so have to go there!" Alice gushed and sprang up to take a few more hundred fucking pictures of it.

Bella only smiled and shook her head lightly to herself.

Pressing my lips to the side of her wind swept hair, I bent down to murmur in her ear. "Want to adopt her?"

She chuckled and nudged me in response. "You love the _little rat_."

I grinned but felt my brow bridge a little. "How do you know I call her that?"

Her smile broadened with open amusement, before she leaned closer to me. "Because, you mutter it to yourself constantly."

Chuckling, I draped my arm over her shoulder.

At Alice's insistence, we'd sat outside at the bow of the ferry. But even with the cool sea air, and spurts of mist washing over us, I remained over fucking heated.

And Bella was well aware of it.

We found the hotel without too much drama—in the sense that Alice asked a couple of guys for directions and they practically walked us to the entrance.

The Somerset Hotel was a multi-story building with views of the harbor.

I stood gazing up at it, my mind racing with possibilities, while my dick reacted openly to every one.

Bella squeezed my side gently, and when I looked down at her, she was staring at me with her head slightly tilted, and that goddamn smile taking shape on her lips. "You okay?"

Two words we spoke way too fucking much to each other.

I grinned down at her and opened my mouth to reply, when Alice grabbed Bella's hand and hauled us inside in another fit of excitement.

They were expecting us. Alice did the talking, and once the concierge had given us a scrutinizing once over—obviously not liking the idea of having the three of us walking around—we were given the key, and sent in the general direction of the elevators.

I walked stiffly at best. I was suddenly an exposed nerve. I felt like I was going to burst and then I was going to fucking die! I was heated to the point that the collar at my neck was damp, and my skin felt charged, as if any touch would release a spark of energy through me that I'd go through the fucking ceiling. And my fucking dick refused to listen to reason.

I held steadfast to Bella's hand, and allowed her to lead me. I was restless, I felt like my lungs were restricted and I was so fucking horny that even the friction of walking caused me endless torture.

Bella noticed; she didn't miss much with me. In fact, she seemed to be pretty in tune. Then, I suppose I could thank Alice for that.

After pulling me into the elevator behind her, she squeezed my hand and then prized it free of my grip. Glancing down at it, she openly grinned to herself, before wiping her palm on the front of my shirt.

"Very funny, Bella," I said lowly, attempting to convince her that I was pissed off, but she didn't fall for it.

Chuckling softly, she only wrapped her arm around my waist and snuggled closer to me.

Shaking my head lightly, I released my breath, and rested my arm on her shoulder.

Alice glanced over at us, rolling her eyes and huffing shortly. "I hope you two will remember that I'm sharing this room with you as well."

"Als, when I slept over your house you kicked me out of your room when Jazz came in, remember?" Bella teased her, her tone slightly incredulous.

"I _did not_ kick you out!" Alice insisted.

"Well, what was I supposed to do—hang out and eat popcorn?"

I groaned and dipped my head, massaging my forehead with my fingertips. But I was secretly glad that the conversation was helping to stem the blood flow from my dick—at the bare minimum.

The elevator came to a halt with a 'ding', and the doors opened.

"As if you didn't want an excuse to hang out with my diaphoretic brother anyway," Alice replied, nudging her before practically skipping out into the foyer.

"Amusing, pixie-stick. Been googling again have you?" I said dryly.

She only looked back at me over her shoulder and flashed me a smug grin. Sighing, I hauled my bag over my shoulder, lifting Bella's suitcase with my other hand, and followed the little rat out.

Alice stopped at the door of our room and fumbled to unlock it. I placed Bella's suitcase down behind her for a moment, just as a burning surge of energy swelled within me.

Fuck me, I never knew it was even possible to be this horny.

I dragged the back of my hand across my brow, almost subconsciously, relieved that I wasn't dripping with sweat, at least.

But it was only a matter of time.

Bella picked up her suitcase then grabbed my hand and pulled me inside.

The room was less of a hotel and more of an apartment. It was fully equipped with a kitchen, laundry, living room, and two huge bedrooms.

While the little rat inspected the suite like a hyperactive poodle, Bella walked toward the bedrooms. I hung back and watched her—I needed a fucking moment to pull myself together, and disconnect my dick from my brain, before I even contemplated sharing a room with her.

She seemed to hesitate, before looking over her shoulder and catching my gaze. Her eyebrows rose slightly, and she bit down on her bottom lip. I only stared back at her, at her slightly cautious expression, still having no fucking idea what was going through her mind.

Was she letting me know she wasn't so keen on the whole idea all of a sudden?

I couldn't even presume, because despite the fact that her expression remained slightly guarded, her eyes were an ocean of contradictions.

Or, maybe I was just having a fucking panic attack at the idea that she might be stalling.

She severed her eyes from mine, and turned back to stare at the two bedrooms opened before her, before again she tugged on her lower lip.

I sighed deeply under my breath. I didn't take it as a good sign.

Of course, Alice then ran straight past her into one of the rooms and leaped onto the bed, loudly announcing, "I bag this room. You two can have the other one."

I took a couple of steps and stopped beside her. "You can share with Alice if you want, Bella."

She turned to gaze up at me, and I shrugged, completely fucking clueless. Quirking an eyebrow, an amused looking grin twitching at her lips, she opened her mouth to reply when Alice snorted loudly.

"Yeah, right." The little ferret scoffed, before springing up from the bed and walking over to us, raising one of her cocky, all knowing eyebrows. "Your room is that one, _Bella and Edward_." She motioned with her thumb to the adjoining room before slamming the door on us. "I'm gonna have a shower."

Scoffing to herself, Bella broke into a small smile, turning to me. "Not that I wanted to share with her, she talks in her sleep more than you do."

We walked into the second bedroom, with Bella playfully nudging me through the doorway. I grinned to myself, freaking stupefied, dragging my fingers roughly through my hair for the fiftieth fucking time that day.

I'd lost the fight to keep my erection at a dignified level, especially when Bella dropped her suitcase at the foot of the bed, then dragged herself lazily to the middle of it, flopping stomach down with a long sigh that ended with a muffled groan. Flipping herself over, she pushed the heels of her palms into her eyes and rubbed them in a frustrated way. Releasing my bag from my shoulder with an exhausted breath, I placed it beside hers, and when I looked back over at her, she was giving me a funny look with her eyebrows bunching together. "You're doing that face again, Edward."

Then without warning, she leaned forward, grabbed me by my t-shirt with both fists and pulled me flush on top of her. I almost stumbled and came crashing against her with my full weight.

But I quickly realized it was just to snuggle with me.

She curled on her side, forcing me to mine, and wrapped her arms around my waist, laying her head on my chest.

"Just stay here with me for a minute," she mumbled, squeezing me tighter and closing her eyes.

I relaxed against the pillows, not really believing it was actually possible at that moment, curving my hand around her hip. "Bella…?"

She took another deep breath and released it into a hum in answer to me.

I quickly kissed her on the top of her head and untangled myself from her arms. "I might have a shower too."

Okay, so I jerked off in the shower and actually contemplated a second time. I had no choice really, because if things were still status quo with Bella, if she still felt the same way she did at the bonfire, then I knew I'd be lucky to last twenty seconds. And that wouldn't be something I wanted her to remember for her first time—for _our _first time. But if Bella had changed her mind, and I couldn't for the life of me work out if that was the case or not, then if I stayed as strung out as I was, I would attack her, or I'd fucking throw myself out the window.

Afterward, I was only moderately at ease. My mind was still buzzing with the possibility and keeping my body on continuous high alert. And Bella was giving away no clues.

One part of her looked half scared to death, and she continued doing every little mannerism to validate it. But another part of her was relaxed and carefree, and she was suddenly a lot more hands on. In fact, by the time we left the hotel again to get something to eat, I almost needed to go back in the shower for round two. Bella's hands barely severed contact with me, and my skin was almost literally fucking tingling with her.

We walked around Darling Harbor looking for a place to eat. I was just as hungry as I was horny, and the idea of a _meat pie and sauce_ in a café made me feel almost openly hostile. As it was, we decided on seafood and while I ate, with a little too much relish, I admit, Bella seemed more interested in watching me than eating herself. Mingled with her smile, she stared at me as if she was outright surprised. Yet every time I caught her gaze, her eyes flickered away and clouded with that uncertainty again. It fucked my appetite, and it was soon all I could focus on.

Whether or not Bella had changed her mind.

That's how it remained with her into the evening; she was at ease and smiling in that seductive fucking way, putting her hands on me and teasing the crap out of me, only to go cold turkey and withdrawn—then start doing shit like the lip tugging. She'd always snap out of it after a few moments and relax again, but it left me feeling like I was in suspended animation. I was too much of a pussy to ask her about it, because I was so fucking hung up on it that I'd probably burst into tears if she told me she wasn't ready.

The rational part of my mind told me two things. The first was that she was a virgin and regardless of how much she told me she was ready, it was natural that she'd be nervous. And the second thing was that if she wasn't ready I'd have to deal with it. In reality, after two weeks of being together with her, I had no right to expect her to want to have sex with me.

At around seven, we decided to catch a ferry back to Luna Park. It came alive at night; we heard the screams of people on the rollercoaster from across the harbor, and it drove the little rat into a fit of frenzied fucking excitement.

Amusement parks were not really my thing and I was glad that Bella seemed as reluctant to go on any of the rides as I was. She did the lip tugging at the prospect and while I tried not to over-analyze any comparisons, I used it as an excuse to get out of it as well—with a whole shit ton of relief. When I told Alice I was staying with Bella, she'd smiled up at me all grateful and fucking gorgeous, and I was forced to give Alice a silent warning that if she ratted me out I'd throw her into the harbor.

While Alice went psycho on the rides, Bella and I had our own fun riding the dodgem cars, the ghost train—which scared the crap out of her so much that she ended up practically strangling me to fucking death—and playing the carnival games. She was as generally abysmal at them as she was at pinball, but since I'd won her everything she'd pointed out, she became insistent on winning me something in return.

I attempted not to laugh, but it wasn't easy, and in the dart and balloon game I was in physical pain trying not to. After several attempts, where her dart bounced off the balloons and fell to the ground, she decided on a new tactic; she threw the dart so that it spun around. It ended up ricocheting off a balloon, almost taking the guy's eye out that was running it. He eventually gave her a prize if she agreed not to play anymore. She picked out a stuffed crocodile, which she whacked me with when I slung my arm over her shoulder, no longer able to hold it together.

Dropping my head, I buried my face into the crook of her neck. "I'm sorry," I mumbled against her skin only to snort back another urge to laugh through my nose. She sighed loudly, but good-naturedly, before I lifted my head and kissed her on the side of her face. "You're funny."

"It's concerning how much amusement you get out of me, Edward." She rolled her eyes and nudged me playfully, before her attention was suddenly caught by something in front of her. Grabbing my hand she pulled me forward.

"Where are we going?" I asked, releasing her hand to wrap it around her shoulder again.

She pointed it out. "The Ferris wheel—want to go on with me?"

Fuck.

I froze, stopping midstride staring up at the contraption. It stood taller than the rollercoaster with caged carriages that would fucking trap us inside. And the very idea of getting inside one of them—especially with Bella beside me, made me want to go fucking fetal.

Bella curled her arm around my waist and snuggled against me before she immediately pulled back and gazed up at me, her forehead creasing. "Edward, what's wrong? You're … trembling."

I shrugged it off and smiled down at her in a pitiful attempt to put her at ease. "I'm fine. Just cold, I guess."

Her brow immediately shot up, cynically. "You're _cold_?"

Okay, not the smartest thing to say, but what was my alternative? Tell her I was afraid of the fucking Ferris wheel? As appealing as that was, my other option was to say nothing, get on with her and freak the fuck out like a giant pussy.

"Edward?" I looked down at her; she was staring at me, this time with her eyes widening with concern. "You okay?"

Those two fucking words again.

I took a hurried breath before my courage waned. "I'm good, let's ride the _bloody _Ferris wheel."

Grabbing her hand, I pulled her forward, telling myself over and over that the last time I'd had a melt down over heights was when I was twelve and this _was_ just a Ferris wheel, not the Sears Tower. I could handle it!

When we got in the line, I let go of her hand and shoved both of mine in my pockets. I was jittery, my pulse was starting to race and I needed all my concentration to keep from wimping out.

Bella just stood next to me in the line, staring up at me, and biting on her lower lip. Worry lines were creasing her forehead, and her eyes started doing that deep, endless shit again, but she didn't say anything. I knew she definitely wanted to; her mouth opened and closed several times, but she eventually shut it, before pulling my left hand from my jeans pocket and held it tightly. She wasn't buying any of it, but she didn't hassle me; instead, her eyes barely left me.

I tried ignoring her while reminding myself again that it was just a fucking Ferris wheel and I'd be okay. But, by the time we made it to the front of the queue, I was definitely regretting it. My stomach was in knots and I was as tense as a fucking board. I stubbornly shoved it back, pissed off at myself, silently demanding I stop being a fucking pussy and get control.

Then we stepped into one of the carriages and sat down. I was okay, I'd made it that far; I was half way there. I tried to take a deep breath but my lungs felt restricted. I managed to get enough oxygen to calm myself and smile over at Bella, but then the guy shut the cage on us.

Breaking into a cold fucking sweat, my heart suddenly felt like it was going to tear through my chest.

Then the thing started rising.

The charade was up; I wasn't fooling anyone—least of all Bella. I grabbed the bars of the cage with both hands, closing my fists around them so tight my knuckles turned white, sitting stiffer than cement and unable to fucking breathe.

"Edward," Bella asked softly, her eyes were huge and I saw how fucking terrified I was reflected in them, "you're scaring the hell out of me."

And we continued rising.

"Bella, I-I'm not good with heights," I confessed stiffly, unable to inflate my lungs—and I needed fucking air.

She took a long breath, before shaking her head at me, and breaking into a gentle smile. "You dope—why didn't you tell me?" She moved to sit closer to me and the carriage started rocking.

"Jesus—fuck—Bella! Don't move!" I burst, my voice rising with panic. I was shaking like a fucking leaf, my heart was going into overdrive, and I felt like I was going to pass out!

"Okay—okay." She held up her hands cautiously. "We'll go around once and get off. Can you handle that?" Her tone was soft and soothing, but I was fucking gone.

I could handle going around once—I'd just fucking make it at that point—but the freaking thing reached the top and then stopped, rocking back and forth.

And I made the catastrophic decision of looking out.

Right then, I knew if I didn't get off I was either going to puke in front of Bella or burst a fucking blood vessel in my brain.

This pathetic half groan, half whimper sound escaped me. My head was spinning, my ears were ringing, and my stomach was fucking churning that I felt like absolute death. Letting go of the bars, I slumped forward, and with my elbows on my knees, I dragged my fingers rigidly through my hair. I kept my eyes squeezed shut, as I concentrated desperately to expand my lungs and get a fucking grip, but I was failing miserably.

This is when I felt Bella's hand rub up and down my back gently. "Are you okay, honey?" Her voice was soft and tender before her hands moved into my hair.

And despite my fucked up condition, and while struggling to take a full breath, a goofy grin broke across my face.

She'd called me _honey_. Not _Edwud_, but _honey_.

I grabbed one of her hands and squeezed it, using it for leverage—and to stop myself fucking shaking. "Bella, I-I need you to d-distract me."

I felt her body heat as she came toward me, but my blood was running ice cold through my veins. It was so fucking foreign; especially, with Bella beside me. She squeezed my hand and released it, circling her arm around my waist. Then with her free hand, she wiped my hair back—that was matted to my forehead. I cleared my mind and concentrated only on her. She leaned in and kissed me close to my ear, and again at my temple, keeping her lips pressed against my skin for a few moments. I took large uneven, rigid breaths, taking in the heat of her against my face, while attempting to use it to calm myself.

"Edward," she spoke softly against my ear; her breath flooded me, making me feel slightly more off balance, but I held onto her voice. "Remember what I told you at the bonfire, about what I wanted to give you?"

My breath caught and my heart fucking stuttered, but I wasn't sure if I was hearing her correctly. I was half out cold and hanging on only by the barest sound of her voice.

I think I managed to groan out a pathetic excuse for a reply.

I felt her lips again, warm against my temple. Her breath was wavering—she seemed to be trembling, but then I couldn't tell if it was me or her—before her lips brushed softly back to my ear. "Well ... I want to give it to you ... _tonight_."

My breath stopped short, my fucking heart slammed to a halt and I was instantly buzzing. Lifting my head sluggishly, I met her gaze; she smiled at me, her eyes endlessly fucking deep. I just stared into them, in shock. I was as dizzy as all fuck, but I couldn't look away. I was drowning in them in an arousal driven, half-sick stupor, feeling the heat flood back through me until my skin began to burn cold.

Bringing my hand up to her cheek—it was trembling beyond my control—I ran my fingers across her skin. Tentatively, she moistened her lips and my eyes dropped and zeroed in on her mouth. I leaned towards her clumsily as my heart pounded without a fucking break against my ribs. She reached up and tucked my hair behind my ear and just as a smile was curving on her lips—just as her eyes met mine, I pulled her to me impulsively and kissed her.

I could feel the motion of the carriage dropping back down, and sway back and forth with our movement, but none of it had the effect on me that she did right then. I was lost in her, lost against her lips and the feel of her trembling body against mine, and all I wanted to do was to lose myself further. At one end, my dick was alive and fucking furious, but my heart was swelling and choking me. I felt out of control and thrown off balance—all at once, and all for her.

This girl was it for me, there was never going to be anyone but Bella, and right at that moment nothing was clearer.

We were going up again; I felt the motion in the pit of my stomach, I felt the night air running over my ignited skin and carry Bella's hair across my face. Reaching out I pushed it back gently, before pulling from her lips, and planting mine against her forehead. I paused for a moment, grazing my nose across her skin and into her hair, before I took her mouth with mine again. I was breathless and light headed, but as my lungs fought to expand, all I could focus on was the taste of her mouth, the smell of her hair and the feel of her hands as they ran over my face and neck.

The carriage stopped again and swayed lightly in the breeze. I felt the temperature at the back of my neck; I knew we were at the top again, but the concept to be afraid was not penetrating my consciousness. I continued to be flooded with emotion—to the point that it was beginning to overwhelm me. I couldn't process it—I couldn't see or hear, or fucking feel anything other than this moment with her. My senses felt heightened but completely fucking compromised at the same time. I felt like I was bursting open and nothing fucking mattered any more.

I pulled back, stumbling against her, my nose sliding with hers. I was shaking beyond my control, and the smell of her was intoxicating me further. Whatever perfume or body spray she was wearing was bringing me apart.

Bending my head, I pressed my lips to her throat, before dropping them to the curve where her neck met her shoulders. She was quivering and I was suddenly overcome again. Wrapping my arms around her back, I pulled her tighter against me, and merged my lips with hers.

She opened her mouth further to me, kissing me deeper and fucking deeper, completely drowning me in her. She kissed me until I lost myself in her, pushing me right to the edge of control. Then slowly, her hands, that were curved around the back of my neck, slid to my face, before her mouth closed and she seemed to pause.

Her lips were still connected to mine, when I felt them curve into a smile, before she pulled back. "We forgot to get off," she murmured teasingly, chuckling softly.

"I don't want ... to get off," I whispered, my voice breaking and raspy as I pulled her back to kiss her.

Again she let me go right to the fucking brink before eventually pulling back, sighing breathlessly as she bowed her forehead with mine.

"We have to get off," she said softly, her voice breaking slightly, before she brushed her nose playfully with mine.

Taking a heavy breath, I hummed in reply, pressing my lips to her cheek one more time, before I released her, wrapped my arm around her shoulders, and sat back in the seat.

We were coming down. I glanced around me and immediately felt myself lock up and go rigid involuntarily. Bella grabbed the back of my neck, forcing my head down, until my forehead was resting against her chest. I could feel her heart; it appeared too fast, and too heavy to me, but focusing on it was distracting.

About half way down we stopped, and I could feel the panic begin to set in again—no matter how close Bella held me to her. My heart seemed lodged in my throat, and I was becoming dizzy almost as much as I was pissed off at myself.

"Close your eyes," Bella instructed me softly, curling her hands tighter around my neck before I felt her drop her face against my hair.

Without another thought, I raised my head and connected my mouth to hers.

"Do you need me to distract you again?" she mumbled half against my lips, before parting hers to take me further down without waiting for me to answer.

I made some gasping, vulnerable fucking sound, engulfed again by her and by what she'd promised me—what she was doing to me.

We eventually reached the bottom, before the guy came forward to unlock the gate, smirking at us fucking mockingly. I grinned back at him, and must have looked as fucking drunk as I felt, because he only snorted to himself and opened the gate for us to get off.

Grabbing my hand, Bella pulled me out, and with shaky, unsteady legs I let her lead me through the crowds.

When we were clear, I pulled her against me and headed toward a darkened, grassy area by the harbor. With each step I took, the more the energy shifted in me, and by the time I pressed her up against a tree in a dark corner and kissed her more intensely than I ever had previously, the current that was burning through my veins was pure physical desire and nothing else.

And I was a fucking eruption of it.

I had one hand in her hair, the other around her naked waist—exposed by her shirt that had inched higher up her stomach as her arms wrapped around my neck—while I practically lifted her off the ground. I was letting it get away from us, but fuck me if I could stop. The primitive part of me that I'd been fighting ever since the day I'd laid eyes on Bella had finally won out. I surrendered myself to it for the moment, letting myself get lost in her physically, because at the back of my mind I knew when I got her back to the hotel I'd have to be more in control. As much as she was responding to me, I knew she was nervous; she was trembling all over. I could feel it in her skin, in her arms that clung to me; it resonated against me, keeping me from fully succumbing to her. But she sure as hell didn't kiss like a virgin, and as charged up as I was she was so fucking tempting.

I needed to get my bearings.

"Jesus ... Baby..." I groaned, pulling out of her mouth and struggling to take a breath.

She chuckled softly, partially beneath her breath, and pressed her hot lips to my face, slowly and repeatedly. "Edward..." she whispered with bated breath.

"We should go back," I said, my voice rustic, as if I was losing it, before kissing her briefly on the lips and loosening my arms around her; letting her slip to her feet.

She only clung to me for a moment, and resting my chin on top of her head, I closed my eyes, letting the buzzing calm within me.

Pressing her lips at the bottom of my throat, she took a heavy breath and let it out making this sighing, moaning sound that was almost the fucking end of me.

With fumbling, shaking hands, I pulled my iPhone from my breast pocket and called Alice.

"Hey!" she yelled into the receiver before I could utter a word. "I met a cool group of people and they've invited me to a pub crawl after—you and Bella want to come?"

I was confused for a moment, trying to wrap my head around this person that was my sister. "Pub crawl? What? Are you completely fucking mad?" I exclaimed, becoming impatient. "We're leaving."

"It's still early!" Her voice rose with annoyance.

"Alice, Bella and I are heading back. If you don't come in five minutes you can find your own way," I snapped. I was being an asshole, but I was too fucking strung out to care.

She snorted. "Okay, okay, spare me the details. Where are you?"

"By the Ferris wheel."

She scoffed this time, sounding smug. "Get on did you? Wish I was there to take a snap shot. That wou—"

I hung up on her, rolling my eyes, and shaking my head to myself as I did.

Bella was grinning to herself in amusement, her arms folded across her chest to protect herself from the cold air coming off the water.

Wrapping my arm around her, keeping her close to my soaring body heat, I walked back toward the Ferris wheel.

**...**

"What the hell have you been doing? You look like death!" Alice exclaimed, a few minutes later, scrutinizing me with suspicion before her eyes narrowed and she added, "I'm not going to be subjected to this at the hotel, am I?"

"He went on the Ferris wheel," Bella answered for me, as if it was all very innocent.

Alice glanced at me dubiously, her brow raised. Her smirk was mocking, yet slightly impressed, before she turned back to Bella. "You do know he's deathly afraid of heights, don't you?"

Bella smiled to herself, turning it on me, before answering, "Umm ... well, I do now."

Alice did one of her over dramatized eye rolls, but thankfully, remained silent.

We headed to the pier to catch the ferry back across the harbor, stopping once when Alice insisted we have our photo taken in front of the creepy smiling face of the entrance.

When the ferry docked, we were the only ones that bordered; it was the last of the day. Alice sat outside taking more pictures of the nighttime harbor while Bella and I sat inside the cabin. She was cold and, I was willing to bet, just as nervous.

We sat in silence for a few moments, while Bella played absently with my fingers as her trembling eased—reassuring me a little that she really was just cold.

Kissing the side of her head, I pulled her closer to me—despite the armrest that separated us.

"Have you always been afraid of heights?" she asked, her tone soft, breaking the silence.

"Hmm ... not always," I answered, turning to gaze at her, and taking a resigned breath, I elaborated, "Just after my father died, I started having these reoccurring nightmares that I was falling. For about a year after, a couple of times a week—sometimes more—and always the same dream. We lived in Chicago, so one day Mom took Alice, Emmett and me to the top of the Sears Tower. I was okay until we got to the top and I looked down. I went completely nuts, then Alice started screaming; which only made me freak out more. Ever since ... well you've seen what happens…" I broke her gaze, recalling how fucking pathetic I'd been and feeling my face burn. Removing my arm from around her, subconsciously, I rubbed the back of my neck.

Bella only grabbed my hand and brought the back of it to her lips, and when I met her gaze again she smiled at me sadly. "Do you still have that dream?" she asked apprehensively.

"No, not really—rarely," I replied, shaking my head. "Maybe once a year and when I'm feeling crap about something." I shrugged.

She squeezed my hand, before bringing it to her lips again, running the tip of her nose along it, almost as if she was distracted. "I'm sorry, Edward—about your dad," she said eventually.

"Yeah," I mumbled, nodding my head slowly as that heavy feeling that was once a dominant part of my life crept up on my chest, but I shrugged it off with an edge of impatience.

Bella was quiet for a moment, her focus on my hand as she rubbed it with her fingers, her forehead knotting. "How did—" she began, before cutting herself off.

I cleared my throat quietly. "A boat accident," I answered the question that she'd abandoned. It was hard; I didn't like thinking about it, let alone speaking it out loud. But Bella had let me see all the dark secrets of her past and it only seemed right that I did the same. "My dad and my Uncle were fishing, the ocean was pretty rough and their boat capsized," I paused, needing to clear my throat. "They both drowned."

She only continued to stare up at me, her eyes fathomless; her brow furrowed and stricken.

"Oh..." was all she said, her voice barely a whisper, and despite myself, I broke into a small smile.

"It's okay, baby."

A tender smile lit up across her face before she rested her head against my shoulder.

"I barely know my father," she confessed a moment later. Her voice wavered slightly, making my emotions immediately switch from frazzled to pissed off.

What I knew about her father, I'd learnt from Alice. He was in the navy and Bella—his daughter—seemed to be an inconvenience to him. Beginning to fume to myself, I pushed the air angrily through my nose inadvertently, attracting Bella's attention.

"Hey"—she nudged me playfully—"no doing that face."

When I turned to her, she was doing that fucking smile, and I realized how incredible she was. She was braver than I was, more resilient, and she was in a lot more control.

Curving my elbow around her neck, I dragged her closer to me to kiss the side of her head. "Am I going to have to restrict your time with my freaky sister?" I teased her playfully before I buried my face into the wild mess of silk that was her hair and took a heavy breath.

She only chuckled to herself, half beneath her breath, before she stood up, pulling me with her.

The Ferry was docking...

* * *

**A/N: Edward on the Ferris wheel I wrote from personal experience. I am deathly afraid of heights. I got brave once and went up the Centre Point Tower in Sydney, and had a major freak out. I plastered myself against the wall, hyperventilating, until a security guard hoisted me over his shoulder to carry me out. I was 18, and had my knickers flashing for all to see. The security guard was kinda hot, but as I tried not to puke over him, I couldn't get a good perv in ;)**


	41. Sydney

**A/N: Nothing to see here, folks...**

* * *

**Chapter 40**

** Sydney**

**Edward's POV**

Alice insisted on making us coffee, plonking them loudly down on the kitchen bench before she took her mug and phone and headed toward the door. "I'm going to the lobby to call Jazz," she explained a little too casually, making me want to fucking groan out loud.

It was all kinds of fucked up that my sister was all too aware of what was going on. The fact that she'd tried to palm condoms off on me still made my skin openly crawl. Sometimes, I actually preferred Emmett and all his wise ass bullshit to her. At least, he wasn't so fucking plugged in to my sex life.

When she left the room, I turned to Bella with a long, inward sigh. She was smiling slightly to herself and rubbing her forehead, her cheeks beginning to flush.

I cleared my throat, rubbing the back of my head, wondering when and if I could ask her to go into the bedroom with me. It was suddenly really fucking awkward.

Not knowing what to say, I picked up my cup with both hands and took a sip—grimacing because Alice made disgusting coffee. Bella did the same.

It dragged out like this for a couple of minutes, when Bella turned to face me. "Edward … do you want to just go in the …" she left it unspoken, her eyes flickering to her coffee, looking suddenly uncertain while her face all but burst into flames.

With a relieved sigh, I placed the mug of disgusting tasting crap down on the bench and turned back to her, holding out my hand. "Come on, baby."

Meeting my gaze, she smiled warmly and took my hand. I slipped my fingers through hers, pulling her down off her stool with me, but after taking a few steps toward the bedroom, I stopped and scooped her up in my arms.

"What are you doing?" she asked me, her smile turning to a smirk as her brow bunched, almost cynically.

"I'm being romantic," I replied lightly.

She chuckled softly and rolled her eyes, placing her palm against my cheek. "You're a dag, but I love you."

I paused, almost faltering. This was the first time Bella had spoken this—first.

"I love you too, cheeseball," I replied, teasing her softly, before planting my lips against hers.

She kissed me back, so softly there was barely any pressure, while I half blindly carried her to the bedroom.

With my elbow, I turned on the light switch, kicking the door closed behind us, before putting Bella back down on her feet. She immediately went to her bag, knelt down and began rummaging around in it, before she turned to me again. For a moment she only gazed at me, her expression was serious and her eyes were typically endless, but that was as far as I could read her. I knew she had to be nervous—it was natural for her to be, but then she smiled at me and it contradicted everything I was thinking. It was warm, and completely fucking vulnerable, but then ... not...

But then I had given up on trying to work out Bella months ago.

Breaking into a smile, I motioned to her with my finger, and this time her smile broadened, becoming almost teasing. Then walking back over to me, she reached up, grabbed me by the back of my neck and pulled me down, pressing her parted mouth against mine.

She took me completely by surprise that I almost lost my footing and fell on top of her.

Taking a hurried breath through my nose, I righted myself, then curving my arm around her waist, I pulled her tightly against me. She opened her mouth, kissing me more deeply, while I became vaguely aware that her free hand was running awkwardly from my shoulder down my arm, where she clumsily placed the condom she was holding in my hand.

Fucking stupidly, it took me a moment to realize what she had given me.

I took it from her, clutching it in my fist before wrapping my arm around her and lifting her off the ground.

I carried her to the bed—uncoordinated as I became more and more lost by her mouth—her hot, sweet tasting lips that controlled every fucking breath I took and every impulse within me.

"Edward?" she uttered, becoming breathless.

I only hummed in reply before taking her mouth again.

"Turn … off the … light," she managed to say, barely a whisper, her lips grazing against mine as she spoke, before she again pressed them to me hotly—and just as a shudder rippled through her.

Turning back, I stumbled to the door where the light switch was; eventually needing to pull myself from her mouth to see what the hell I was doing.

We were instantly plunged into darkness that suddenly drew attention to the heavy, urgent sound of our breathing, and Bella's trembling little body in my arms.

"Bella?"

Her lips found mine again, before she started softly chuckling. "Better turn on the lamp."

"Baby, you're shaking."

I heard her inhale, just as her breath washed over my face. "So are you," she teased me. "I'm okay, Edward," she added softly, her tone serious this time.

Carrying her to the bed, I laid her down, before stretching out and fumbling for several seconds to switch on the lamp. Then, placing the condom on the bedside table, I turned to her; I preferred being able to see her, but the uncertainty in her eyes was beginning to worry me.

Even if it fucking killed me, I had to take this slowly.

Pulling her to me, I laid us against the pillows in the middle of the bed. She snuggled against my side, her fingers running up and down my chest slowly, but she was continuing to tremble.

Taking a heavy breath, I kissed the top of her head, letting my lips rest against her hair.

"Bella, at any time if you want to stop, let me know, okay?"

She tilted her head back to see me, her forehead bunching into a frown. "Are you trying to talk me out of this, Edward?"

I immediately shook my head, almost scoffing at how fucking ridiculous that was. "No, but…" I paused for a moment, searching for the right words, "I'd hate that you woke up in the morning, realized it was a mistake and hated me for it."

"Edward …" she began with a sigh before a small smile slowly grew on her lips, "I've tried hating you. I suck at it." She broke into a chuckle, before pressing her face against my chest to smother it.

I only grinned to myself, exhaling it shortly.

When she met my eyes again, there was no humor in them this time. "I'm ready—I promise. I want this to happen," she insisted, and she was serious, but her eyes were contradicting her.

She was completely fucking torn.

Taking a deliberate breath, I released it slowly, nodding. "Okay," I murmured, resting my lips against her forehead for a moment, knowing if she did suddenly stop this I'd probably fucking cry.

For a few minutes I only held her against me, in silence, running my fingers up and down her back, slowly feeling her loosen against me. She began to trail her fingers over my chest again, but this time she was deliberately tickling me. Tensing reflexively, my laughter rushing through my nose, I grabbed her hand, kissed it quickly, before replacing it with her lips.

I kissed her gently, but briefly, sliding my nose to the other side, moving her tentatively on her back. And when I merged my mouth with hers again, she curled her hand around my neck, anchoring her lips to mine, pulling my chest flush with hers.

As I kissed her, as I moved my mouth with hers, she slowly parted her lips, and the more she opened her mouth to me, the more intense it became, until the taste and scent of her was filling me. I kissed her deeper and deeper, taking her further into me, immediately beginning to strain in my jeans.

Her hands remained at the back of my neck, her fingers running through my hair, as her trembling body slowly became more fluid beneath me. She appeared completely receptive to me, but it was nothing like how she'd been at the bonfire—or even how'd she'd been at the ferris wheel.

She was cautious this time; I had to loosen her up again.

For a while I let her lead, responding only to her, and not the raging desire and hunger that was screaming in my ears and fucking pounding from my groin. I let her kiss me, letting her set the pace, and slowly—almost fucking painfully so—I felt her entire mindset shift. She began kissing me with a depth and urgency that began breaking down my resistance, as her hands found their way beneath my shirt. At the same time, her entire body began to almost hum—I could feel the energy of it beneath my fingers.

That's when I took back the control—as fucking laughable as that idea even was.

Pulling from her mouth, I took a hasty breath, feeling the warmth of hers flood me, before trailing my lips to her ear.

"Come here," I said, my voice almost husky, before getting myself to my knees, and pulling her with me.

She stretched herself up, so that she was level with me, her chest rising and falling against mine, before her eyes slowly caught my gaze.

They were burning with a thousand emotions that I would never be able to decipher, but then she smiled. There was no suspicion in it anymore—no cynicism, or doubt. The girl who initially looked at me as if I was going to spike her drink was now gone. Of course, she was seeing straight through me, she always would, but by the way she was smiling at me it was as if she could also see straight down into me and she liked what she saw.

I only smiled back, completely fucking conquered by her, before leaning closer I covered her mouth with mine.

I was quickly drowning in her, and the energy that was coursing through me was becoming almost painful. A strangled groan escaped me, and as if spurred on by it, Bella kissed me more intensely, entering my mouth and taking me into hers. I only crushed my lips more to hers, pulling her tighter against me, while my hands found her naked skin.

I was on fire; but at the same time, I knew if I didn't get some kind of release soon, I was going to fucking snap in half. This was despite the absolute burning desire I had to have her in my hands.

Sliding my palms further up along her soft, heated skin—despite the restriction of her tight fitting shirt—I reached the swell of her clothed breasts.

Bella, although now completely responsive to me, continued to tremble, her skin almost literally alive and humming, but the moment my hands covered her breasts, she jolted. And immediately unsure of myself, I froze.

"Don't stop," she whispered breathlessly, after pulling from my lips, and this time when she kissed me again, she grabbed my t-shirt and began to tug at it.

Withdrawing my hands from underneath her shirt, I gathered the hem and peeled it gently up, then severing her lips from mine, she allowed me to pull it completely off her.

Her hair spilled back over her naked shoulders, and reaching out, I moved it gently behind them. I thought about dropping my face into it and taking the smell of it in, but as soon as my gaze focused on her chest, all other thoughts faded from my mind.

She was wearing a black lace bra, and for a moment I couldn't tear my eyes from it. I watched it rise and fall with her chest, almost mesmerized, before blinking, I pulled my gaze away and let my eyes trail slowly down to the belly ring that glittered at her navel, before focusing again on her bra.

It was so fucking sexy that I almost didn't want to take it off.

Dropping my lips to the crook of her neck, my fingers carefully slid the straps of her bra off her shoulders. I kissed her bare skin, over and over, tasting and inhaling the tenderness of it as I trailed every curve with my nose. All the while, Bella continued to grip my shirt in her fists, her breathing quick and becoming shallow.

It quickly refocused my attention, and when I looked up and met her gaze—practically fucking drunk on the sight of her—her eyes all but subdued me.

Taking a deep breath, and almost groaning as I released it, I again pressed my mouth to hers.

She was pulling my shirt up, but struggling; her hands running along my ribs, making me jolt and my muscles twitch reflexively. Impulsively, I grinned, snorting with it, and feeling Bella's mouth curve with mine. Pulling back, I tore it over my head in one motion, before pressing her naked skin against mine, as my lips connected with the curve of her shoulder, then her neck, before back to her mouth.

She was soft against me, and growing hotter, but it wasn't enough; I wanted to feel all of her.

I attempted to unclasp her bra, but I was blind and had no fucking idea what I was doing—and for the life of me I couldn't find the fastener. Eventually, severing my mouth from hers, I peered over her shoulder to see what the hell I was doing.

There didn't seem to be a clasp at all.

I continued to yank and tug on it, thinking it was attached with velcro or something, but the freaking thing refused to budge.

Screw this shit!

Becoming frustrated, I attempted, roughly, to pull it up, and as the sound of the cotton strained, Bella, whose lips were resting hot on my shoulder, started chuckling.

"Edward … you undo it at the front," she murmured into my ear continuing to laugh softly.

I sighed, running a hand through my hair and breaking into a grin. "Sorry," I whispered to her, kissing her ruddy cheek, before gently drawing her back.

I stared at her bra again—slightly askew from my assault on it—with apprehension. I had no fucking idea how to get it undone, but it looked like it would involve a whole lot of groping.

Blinking slowly, I lifted my eyes back to Bella's. "Do you … want me…?"

She was nodding her head before I could finish. "Yes," she replied; though, her tone was barely a whisper and wavering slightly.

Taking a steady breath, and with shaking, clammy freaking hands, I reached over to where I imagined it was fastened together and attempted to undo it. I fumbled with it for a few seconds, but surprisingly it wasn't too difficult. And unclasping it, I gently slipped the whole thing off her.

She sat kneeling before me, with her chest now completely naked. Her breathing began to hitch and for a moment I thought she might cover herself, but she didn't.

I only stared at her in a horny fucking stupor, wondering how the hell I was going to hang on. I think I started drooling and my aching-to-be-free dick was pushing all boundaries of my fucking sanity, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from them.

Gently, I ran my fingers slowly across the right one, my thumb brushing over her nipple, before cupping my whole hand over it. I couldn't comprehend how soft it was, and I wanted to plunge my whole face between them. This was when I noticed that goose bumps were beginning to spread out across Bella's arms and she began to visibly quiver.

I glanced up, quickly taking in her eyes; they were still burning dark, but her whole expression was contradicting itself. She looked just as willing as she did uncertain.

With my hand still covering her breast, I curled my other around her naked back and pulled her against me. I kissed her lips, her cheek, her neck; savoring her, but beginning to feel flustered and overwrought by how fucking aroused I was.

"Jesus-fucking-Christ, Bella—you're so beautiful!" I uttered, as my heart plunged in my chest, making me feel just as unstable and shaky.

Removing my hand from around her, I placed it over her other breast before connecting my mouth back to hers. I could feel her heart beneath my fingers, rapid and loud, as her chest heaved, and her heated breath filled my mouth and washed over my face.

I was getting too worked up, and was beginning to realize that if I didn't get some fucking relief from the confines of my jeans soon, I'd explode.

Moving my hands back around her, I pressed her naked chest tight against mine. This is when I felt her hands slide down my sides and her fingers slip beneath the waist of my jeans. My muscles tensed involuntarily, while her touch ignited a fire in my skin. Dragging my mouth from hers, I bent my head to rest my lips against her shoulder, reining myself in.

She pulled back, her hands finding their way to the front of my jeans. Then bowing her head to rest against my chest, she unbuttoned and unzipped them.

The instant my pants were open, I felt myself spring forward, and the pure relief of it caused this fucked up involuntary primitive sound to burst from me. Dropping my face into Bella's hair, I gathered it up in my hands, squeezing my eyes shut, while the motion of it almost caused me to blow my fucking load, and it took all my concentration to talk myself down.

Slowly, she lifted her head to me, as my nose and lips grazed down her face until her parted mouth caught mine. She kissed me once, deeply, before pulling back and softly breathing out my name before our lips connected once again.

Curving my hands around her hips, I brought her closer to me, and found myself immediately digging into her lower stomach. The friction of it was like a buzz of electricity shooting through my veins. I only flinched and shuddered, making some fucking animalistic sound behind her mouth.

I was beginning to fear how long I could possibly last, because at this point, as far gone as I was, fucking seven seconds was looking promising. But going at the pace we were was just as painful as going too fast; I was barely hanging on.

My jeans had fallen down around my knees, and while allowing Bella to continue kissing me, I attempted to kick my shoes and socks off. She eventually stopped, her soft laughter feeling almost cool against me.

"Do you want me to help?" she whispered in my ear.

"When I'm done, I'm starting on you," I replied, teasing her, before reaching awkwardly behind me, and eventually managing to pull my socks off; throwing them over the side of the bed.

With my jeans slipping further down my legs, I took Bella by the shoulders and laid her gently back against the pillows. Her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes were glazed, but still she continued to tremble. And as she settled back against the cushions, she covered her bare chest with her arms.

Inwardly, I sighed; it bothered me that she was so nervous, but I had to keep reminding myself that Bella hadn't done this before, so of course she'd be anxious. At the same time it was effective in bringing me somewhat down.

Leaning toward her, I took her hands, gently prying them away from her chest before I positioned myself over her. And planting my lips to hers, I kept her hands clasped in mine.

"Relax, baby. Okay?" I mumbled, brushing against her lips.

She only mumbled a barely audible reply, nodding slightly.

I kissed her again, and then again, before slowly trailing my nose over her chin and down her neck. I pressed my lips against the soft incline at the base of her throat, feeling her pulse, fast and steady, before I ventured further down. She immediately tensed, her breath hitching, and unsure whether she was comfortable or not, I slowed further, dragging my face softly past her breasts; where the feel of them completely clouded my mind for a moment.

Her hands were becoming clammy in mine—but then in all reality that was probably mine. I threaded our fingers together, and this seemed to relax her a fraction, but she was still so much on edge despite my best attempts to calm her.

Slowing it further, I Released her hands, running my nose over the soft, almost burning, skin of her stomach until I reached the waist of her jeans. Then pulling myself back to my knees, I gazed down at them for a moment, before carefully unbuttoning them. It revealed her underwear; they had pink polka dots on them—nothing sexy at all, but even still, a surge of red hot fire suddenly flooded me, making me falter for a moment. As my mind began to form around what was beneath them, I tore my eyes away, beginning to fucking tremble from the degree of pure fucked up blazing desire that was pulsating through me.

I was so high strung, I was just keeping myself together, and as I slipped off the bed to take off her shoes, I forced myself to recite our, baseball lineup beneath my breath. Pulling off her shoes and socks helped, but when I was done, I stood back up, my jeans slipping down to my ankles, just as I lost my footing and went over backwards.

"Oh, crap!" I uttered in reflex, just as I landed flat on my ass.

Bella burst out laughing, before scrambling to the edge of the bed.

"You okay?" she asked me with wide eyes, trying to keep a straight face.

I sat myself up and grinned at her sheepishly. "I'll survive," I mumbled kicking off my jeans and getting to my feet; rubbing the back of my head and feeling like a dick.

When I looked down at her again, I realized she was staring at me, her eyes wandering down to the fact that I was standing practically naked with one huge, obvious boner straining through my underwear. In fact, she was gazing at me so intently that it almost made me feel self-conscious, and I very nearly subconsciously covered myself in my hands.

Heat rose to flood her cheeks, before her eyes rose slowly, taking in the top half of my body with as much intensity that by the time they met mine they were endless again, but at the same time ignited; while a smile pulled on her lips.

"What are you smiling to yourself about?" I asked her, my voice husky and somewhat restricted, before climbing back on the bed with her.

"You; you're funny," she murmured half chuckling, before, grinning along with her, I took her back in my arms, taking her lips again with mine.

She circled her arms around my back, one wrapped over my shoulder, before parting her mouth and kissing me again, heatedly. The warmth immediately returned to my body, but I tore myself away, remembering I'd left something unfinished.

As her arms slipped from around me, I shuffled myself down on my knees, with her between my legs, back to the unbuttoned waist of her jeans. Without focusing further than taking them off, I hooked my fingers through the belt loops and slid them down. They were tight fitting, and in the process, I almost pulled down her underwear; they gathered at her hips, as I struggled to swallow past an internal groan. In the next moment and without further thought, I pressed my lips high on her thigh, then again, just above the band of her underwear.

Her skin was warm and supple, and fuck me, the urge to rip those underwear completely from her became almost irresistible, but then she shuddered, and all at once my focused snapped back to her, and how fucking anxious she looked.

Enfolding her in my arms, I pulled back the covers of the bed. I could feel the goose bumps covering her skin against me, yet she felt so incredibly warm at the same time.

This seemed to be typical when it came to Bella. She always seemed torn right down the middle, fighting an internal battle with me.

Wrapping the blankets over us, I told myself repeatedly that she was nervous and nothing else. Her body continued to quiver—to the point her skin seemed like it was humming again. I pulled her tightly against my chest, holding her for a moment. I needed the time to get complete control of myself before we continued, but the feel of her naked skin pressing against mine did little to help.

She buried her face into my chest, before I felt her lips against my neck, and then again on my shoulder.

"I don't want you to hold back, Edward," she whispered, her breath hot against my bare skin, before again she placed her lips to me.

"I won't, baby, but you have to relax. You haven't stopped shaking," I replied, softly, even as I shook against her just as blatantly.

I was guessing it was the reason why she immediately broke into a full grin, almost laughing, bringing out the same reaction in me, before I cupped her face to fully meet my lips; effectively cutting off her reply.

I was willing to wager the reason I was shaking wasn't why she was, but as she kissed me, opening her mouth further against mine, it again completely contradicted everything.

Would I ever understand this girl?

I pulled her against me tightly, while her hands ran over my shoulders and into my hair, before my hand found her breasts. I cupped my palm fully around it, expecting her to tense or pull back, but she only melted against me, taking a hurried breath through her nose and taking my mouth to a level that was quickly becoming a burning torture.

Moving my hand further down her side, almost too hastily, I leaned my weight more against her. When I reached the waist of her underwear, I paused, before slipping my fingers beneath them, inching them down past her hips, as my knuckles dragged against her skin.

At this point Bella pulled from my mouth, before reaching down, squirming against me as she did, pulling them completely off.

What she did next almost fucking killed me.

After ridding herself of her underwear, her hands made their way to me, trailing down my stomach to the front of my jockeys. Then, in one motion, she yanked them down, the elastic waist catching my dick and pulling it vertical, before it sprang back up, smacking me in the stomach and making me openly jolt as an impulsive, choked up groan burst from me.

"Oh God, Jesus…" I croaked out tightly, as my hands instinctively flew down to protect myself from anymore of her enthusiasm.

She gasped anxiously. "Oh, Edward—I'm so sorry!"

I could only imagine her expression; my eyes were clamped shut as I waited for my tortured dick to stop pounding!

"It's okay, baby." I spoke as half a groan, my voice tight.

Her lips pressed gently against my cheek, then to my shoulder before she burst into laughter, muffling it against my skin.

"I'm sorry, Edward," she repeated, her tone gentle. "Did I maim you?"

"No," I confessed, removing my hands from myself and curving them around her waist, before nuzzling my face into the crook of her neck, I took a deep, heavy breath. "Just file that one away for future reference."

She continued to laugh softly, nodding, before reaching down, this time carefully, she pulled my jockeys completely off me.

I kissed her again, pulling myself on top of her, and now completely free, I was stabbing hard into her stomach.

Jesus, the friction was like fire, and I instinctively held my breath, holding myself from the brink, even as she continued to kiss me; her parted mouth taking my lips repeatedly.

I let her take control for a moment, while for the infinite time that night, I concentrated on slowing myself down.

Her arms were wrapped tightly around my neck, while my hand inched slowly down her side, over her hips and thigh to the back of her knee. Then wrapping her leg over me, I rolled into her, completely on top of her.

I was suddenly grinding almost painfully fucking within her, while the heat generating from her burned through me. Then completely without thinking, I was about to push myself into her when I suddenly realized, and just as Bella severed our lips to remind me.

"Edward—" she burst breathlessly, anxiously.

I was nodding before she could finish. "I know. Hang on a minute, baby."

Pushing myself back on my knees, I leaned over and grabbed the condom off the bedside table, tearing into it, before rolling it over myself a little too hastily. My dick by that point was so sensitive that it jerked and almost fucking killed me.

If I lasted 3 seconds it'd be a miracle.

Impatiently shoving that thought aside, I switched my focus back to Bella. Bella who, wrapped her arms around my neck, easing me back over her.

Resting my elbows on either side of her, I gazed at her for a moment. A thousand thoughts seemed to be rushing through her mind, reflecting in her face, making her appear scared out of her wits and completely fucking willing all at once—and everything in between.

I pressed my lips to her brow, resting them there for a moment, before pulling back to gaze at her

"You okay?" I eventually asked her.

Nodding, she said softly in reply, "I'm okay."

I covered her mouth with mine again, and then again. She was accommodating me—every move I made, but she was still reserved enough that I was on edge over her.

Of course, she knew exactly what was going through my head—as if she could freaking read my mind.

"No … worrying about me … Edward," she breathed, continuing to kiss me, opening her mouth further to me each time

I only moaned my stifled reply into her mouth, knowing I was letting her stall me for a moment.

Because I fucking needed it.

I was happy to just kiss her again, letting it build until once more I was burning and in throbbing fucking pain. Then, unable to hold out a second longer, I pushed myself up on one elbow, took her leg with my free hand and wrapped it around my hips, then in one motion I slipped fully and completely inside her.

I think I took her by surprise, because she immediately sucked in her breath, so fucking sharply it made me jump, before moving her hands from around me to push them against my chest.

She was completely rigid, while the muscles within her were clamped around every fucking inch of me. She was blazing; it was practically fucking shredding me as a choked, fucking guttural sound rose up out of me.

It was a kind of torture I'd never before felt in my life, and I was torn over completely releasing myself to it, while worrying about how much I was hurting her.

Pulling my torso up, I looked down at her. Her eyes were tightly shut and her face was creased in pain, while her hands were wedged into my chest, pushing against me, and every muscle in her body was locked up and clenched around me.

"Hey," I uttered in a restricted, pain filled fucking voice, continuing to struggle against the burning sensation of being inside her. Her eyes opened slowly, while her forehead continued to bunch in obvious pain. "Do you want me to stop?"

She shook her head, her hands relaxing against me, before she wrapped them slowly over my shoulders. "No," she whispered, sounding completely divided. "Just give me a minute."

Almost collapsing back on top of her, I dropped my face to her neck, pressing my lips to her scorching skin, before again back to her mouth. "Just try and relax, baby."

She nodded again, cautiously responding to me, before shifting slightly; her muscles squeezed tighter around me.

Oh, God in heaven...

I was coming apart, and groaning internally, I took one forced breath after another, feeling fucking sweat begin to trickle down my back.

I was hot anyway, but within her I felt like I was fucking on fire.

"Keep going..." she uttered after a moment, severing her lips from mine to release her breath.

Completely fucking overrun by this point, I kissed her again, over and over; her entire face, her neck and shoulders, completely drunk by her and losing myself in the feel and taste of her skin, while I remained clamped within her. Then slowly she began to relax, releasing me in the process, and I could breathe again.

I moved out of her slightly, before back down; she immediately clamped back around me, openly flinching, but with a deep breath, she was able to relax again beneath me.

It was continuing to knock the wind out of me, but it helped me focus more on her and away from the fact that I was completely amped and on the edge.

"I'm sorry," she whispered quickly, against my mouth.

"It's OK, baby," I assured her, then grabbing her hands and threading her fingers with mine, I pulled back again, only fractionally, before easing myself back down. Then pausing, I moved again; I was cautious—too conscious of her and the fact that every little bit of friction made me practically implode.

I forced myself to take it as slowly and carefully as I could manage; each time moving further out, and reading her to keep myself under control.

Her eyes remained closed, and her breath was rigid, but gradually she began to ease up, before releasing one of my hands to clamp her palm around the back of my neck.

I stayed completely conscious of her, until I was able to get her to the point where I could pull almost all the way out then completely enter her again, without her reacting in pain.

But it wasn't fucking easy, and with each breath I took I was fighting the urge to completely succumb to her.

The sweat was beginning to pour down my forehead, my arms were beginning to quake, and with every movement I made, I became more and more charged; barely hanging on; barely able to breathe; and just wanting to let myself go.

I couldn't keep the pace slow anymore, my body was completely taking over, and when I pulled out, I grounded myself back into her, then again, and again...

She was responding in pain again, her hands finding their way into my hair where she grabbed a fistful of it, but I couldn't stop; I was on complete auto pilot.

My brain was trying to keep up, and as I tried to express it to her, to keep her with me, all that came out of my mouth was a jumble of words that made absolutely no fucking sense.

I spoke her name, though; repeatedly, and she spoke mine, but she was gasping, her breath catching and coming so audible she was all but crying out.

I was almost literally burning with her, as the energy of it seared through my veins, until a low, fucked up groan burst from me and every muscle within me locked up. Taking a forced, tortured breath, I pulled out of her completely, before sliding myself back into her again with so much pressure my legs started shaking.

Oh, Jesus, I was going to die!

My body began shuddering, pulsating—fucking twitching.

"Oh, God—Jesus, baby!" I heard my voice, strangled and breathless, before I came in one huge fucked up explosion that ripped me completely to shreds.

In the next moment, I collapsed on top of her, fighting to catch my breath, before kissing her clumsily on the side of her face. My heart was hammering, feeling like it was rocking me to my core, as the charge slowly went out of me. I was almost literally wet and trembling so freaking much I felt like I was in shock.

Bella's arms gently curled around me, holding me to her while I rose up and down as her breathing calmed.

Eventually, I rolled off her, before pulling her into my arms with a heavy, exhausted sigh. She snuggled against me and laid her head on my chest, but she was quiet; while the only sound coming from us was the sound of our breathing.

The feel of Bella's heart hammered against me, while mine continued to feel like it was almost literally moving us—so much so that Bella flattened her palm against my chest, as if to feel it. Grabbing her hand, I brought it to my lips; I could feel her pulse racing at her wrist while a light sheen was covering her entire arm. In fact, her whole body was hot and silky against mine.

For the longest while she didn't say anything, and just when I was getting worried that she was too quiet, she spoke; her voice breaking softly as if she was close to tears. "I love you, Edward." And tilting her head back, she planted her lips so freaking gently, just below my jaw.

"I love you too, Baby…" I replied, burying my face into her hair and breathing her in as I calmed.

Running her nose against my throat, she only sighed, before releasing her hand from mine to curl herself further against me.

"Did I hurt you?" I asked her after a moment.

She shook her head slightly. "No, you didn't hurt me."

I wasn't altogether convinced, but I didn't press her on it, then wrapping my arms more securely around her, I turned my head and rested my lips against her brow, taking an exhausted breath. My skin felt like it was buzzing, but at the same time I was fucking shredded.

There was a sudden knock at the door, making Bella jump, before I quickly yanked the blankets up to cover us.

"Alice, don't come in!" I raised my voice, instantly annoyed.

Even from the other side of the door I heard the little rat scoff to herself. "Yeah, sure—if I wanted to bleed from my eyes."

"What the hell do you want?" I demanded.

"Mom just rang. Our plane leaves tomorrow morning at nine."

"Yeah, OK. Thanks."

"Goodnight,_ lovelings_," she replied teasingly, like a fucking wiseass.

Bella chuckled half under her breath, while I only rolled my eyes with a short sigh.

When I was sure the little rat was gone, I pulled the blanket back down from us—I was already fucking sweltering—before running my hand over my forehead and through my semi-damp hair. Bella then reached over and wiped my brow teasingly, laughing lightly.

"Edward, it's a wonder you don't dehydrate," she said softly, her tone affectionate as an immediate smile broke across her face, before pressing her lips to my shoulder. "You're all salty," she stated, deciding to taste the rest of my skin, and fuck me, if it didn't make me horny again.

The energy began to shift in me, but at the same time she was tickling me. Breaking into laughter, I plunged my face into the crook of her neck to smother it, before kissing her damp skin.

"So are you," I murmured, before laying my head back on the pillow and pulling her to my side. "You tired?"

She released her breath into a hum, before curling her legs around mine. "Yeah…"

Reaching down, I pulled the sheet over us, leaving the blankets, before leaning over to switch off the lamp.

"Good night, baby," I mumbled.

"Goodnight, crocodile," she replied sleepily, tightening her arms around me, just as a shuddering yawn left her.

"Love you, alligator."

"Sappy."

I chuckled softly. "Shut up and go to sleep."

After several minutes, and just as I was on the brink of sleep, Bella's small voice piped up, "Edward?"

"Hmmm?"

"You're not a dud root."

* * *

**A/N: Gawd, so cheesy right? This chapter turned me into a basket case...**


	42. The General

**A/N: Cue Bella's old man.**

* * *

**Chapter 41**

**The General**

**Bella's POV**

I was exhausted. Physically my body ached while I was plagued with a sleep deprived weariness. But at the same time, I was literally overflowing with an magnetizing energy that was coursing through my veins.

I couldn't remember the last time I'd slept a full night, and over the last two weeks I'd barely slept at all. But at the moment, ten hours into the flight back to the United States, and after no more than three hours sleep the night before, I felt like my entire body of skin was buzzing. I was desperately craving sleep, but I couldn't throw off the adrenalin and succumb to it.

Edward on the other hand was mellow, and he looked like he could sleep for a week. This was despite the fact that he was obviously struggling with his fear of heights. It was evident to me now that he wasn't too keen on flying, but at the moment he was disguising it well.

Actually, it was kind of strange to see him so relaxed. He too over the last couple of weeks had been constantly on edge and tense. I don't think I'd seen him go an hour without reefing his fingers through his hair, or having a very obvious internal fight with his emotions. Then, for such a short time of being a couple, I'd put him through an awful lot. But he'd remained rock solid, and right then I didn't think it was possible to love anyone more.

It was hard to believe that just a few short months ago I'd honestly believed that he was completely wrong for me. Back then, I would never have believed I would come to depend on him for so much, that he was such a selfless and caring person; and that he would be the only person who could look into my eyes and erase seventeen years' worth of irrelevance with just a single smile.

He sat in the aisle seat resting his elbow on the armrest with his hand cupped around his chin, listening to me chatting with Alice with a warm, sleepy grin on his face. His eyes were red rimmed and bloodshot, and he kept closing them as if he was going to doze off. Instead, he'd take a deep breath and release it, almost groaning to himself with exhaustion before the smile would slowly return to his face.

Alice, on the other side of me, could barely look at him without openly rolling her eyes, while simultaneously trying to prevent the smile from twitching at her lips. She wasn't successful, and it soon turned all knowing. Edward eventually scoffed at her, good-naturedly, before wrapping his arm over my shoulders and drawing me against him.

Resting my head against his chest, I took a heavy breath, before looking up at him. He was rubbing his eyes with his fingertips, his brow heavily creased.

"Try and get some sleep, Edward," I said with a sigh. He looked terrible.

"Believe me, when I get home, I'll sleep for a year," he replied with a croaky, husky voice.

I snuggled further against him, grabbing his hand and threading my fingers with his, idly playing with them. "Hmm…" I mumbled in agreement. "So long as you jump on your tricycle and come and visit me from time to time," I teased him.

He exhaled shortly into an exhausted kind of chuckling. It reverberated from his chest, rocking me as I lay against him. "Bicycle shame, still, Bella?" he replied, pressing his face into my hair and taking a deep breath.

"I kind of always wanted a ride in your Volvo," I turned and whispered against the heated skin of his neck.

He released his breath, humming along with it. "It's scrap metal."

"Yeah … it was my failed attempt to kill you," I replied lightly, before pressing my lips to the soft skin of his neck and closing my eyes.

He chuckled again, muffling it against the top of my head as a wave of exhaustion washed over me. I slumped heavily against his chest, trying to throw it off with a frustrated groan. A moment later I pulled out of his arms, knowing the warmth of his embrace would eventually lull me off to sleep.

"You can sleep, baby. I'll watch the movie," he offered.

I smiled at him warmly and shook my head. "No … I'm okay."

No matter how exhausted I was, I refused to entertain the thought of sleeping while Edward was unable to. He'd been there for me every moment of every day while I was struggling to deal with Kel's death. I was determined to pay it all back and more to him.

**...**

After a further five hours, three inflight movies, while adding fifty minutes of circling the landing strip while the rain abated—totalling almost sixteen hours in the air—we arrived at Los Angeles airport. Amazingly, Edward and I both managed to stay awake, though with Alice beside us snoring loudly, it wasn't that hard to fathom why.

By the time we made it into the terminal, I wasn't sure if I was holding up Edward, or he was holding up me. He held me against him tucked under his arm, but he was quickly becoming heavy, and as I endeavoured to keep us both on our feet, my knees began buckling.

Alice, who was annoyingly full of energy, led us to a Starbucks café. As we approached, I just stared at the sign with one huge sense of déjà vu. It was the very same café where Jake and I had sat, reconnecting with each other the previous March. It seemed so surreal at that moment. I felt like I had lived six years in the past six months and I was still only half way there.

Edward and I sat slumped against one another in a corner booth while Alice went and ordered our coffee, making a loud, enthusiastic phone call to Jazz while she waited. But by the time she skipped back over to us, carrying three tall cups of coffee, Edward was out cold and I wasn't far behind him.

"Bella, you've killed Edward," she teased me, shaking her head to herself as she placed the coffee on the table.

I laughed, it sounded delirious in my exhaustion. "I finally succeeded." And with that, my head fell into my folded arms and it was lights out.

My recognition kicked back in as we were about to land at Port Angeles. I woke up in Edward's toasty warm arms, flustered then angry with myself that I'd fallen asleep, while having absolutely no memory of getting on the plane.

"We're almost there, Bella," Edward spoke, and I had to look up at him to make sure that the exhausted, croaky voice had come from him. I didn't recognize it.

I met his gaze, and the concern I felt for him gushed out of me into a deep sigh. His eyes were burning his irises an intense, emerald green, while I could barely see the whites of his eyes through the maze of blood vessels.

"Sorry I fell asleep," I said softly, tugging him into my arms as my heart weighed down with guilt.

He chuckled, or more made an exhausted, breathy sound against the side of my neck as he laid his head on my shoulder. "It's okay; you can distract me for the landing. I hate landing."

So I did, gladly, willingly, murmuring future promises into his ear, making his eyes widen and his skin burn hotter, until the plane came to a complete stop and the seatbelt sign flashed above our heads.

**...**

I had spoken to Jake before we'd left for Sydney airport, and he'd told me he was going to meet me at Port Angeles. He'd left it at that, and I had taken no notice of the overly enthusiastic tone to his voice; that's how he always sounded. So, as I walked into the airport lounge with Edward's sultry hand wrapped around mine, and with my energy returning with the excitement of finally being home, I glanced eagerly around for him.

"_JAZZY_!" Alice suddenly squealed beside me.

I glanced over to see her leap straight into Jazz's out stretched arms, and kiss him repeatedly, while Jazz laughed and tried to intercept her lips with his.

I felt the smile warm my face before it turned into a full-blown grin as my eyes met with the unmistakable sunny face of my hulking cousin.

But with his hand still clutching mine, I felt Edward notably tense and his grip squeeze tighter around my fingers. I glanced up at him; he was staring straight ahead, his expression hard and darkening. I gazed at him for a moment, feeling my confusion begin to turn to impatience as he continued to stare fixedly, the muscles in his jaw set.

I thought all the crap with Jacob was over.

"Edward?" I asked, my tone rising higher, while I sought out Jacob again. I wasn't sure whether I was misreading Edward or if Jacob was provoking something, but when I met Jake's gaze again, I realised he wasn't looking at Edward at all; his eyes were on me and his bright, sunny expression had not wavered.

Grinning back, I sighed a little with relief, before my eyes met with a second pair of dark eyes that I initially thought were Uncle Billy's. I grinned back broadly, taking in the face that warmly returned it, when I froze, the air squeezing from my lungs.

It … it wasn't Uncle Billy, it was The General!

Something like a half gasp, half sob rose up from my throat, and in the next instant I was running toward him, where he immediately engulfed me into his huge, bear-like arms.

"Charlie …" I whispered in disbelief, tightening my arms around him, "you're here."

He cleared his throat before planting a gruff kiss on my cheek and releasing me from his arms. "How are you, Isabella?"

"I'm … I'm fine," I answered softly. I was about to crumble; my heart was hammering, and I could feel the burning of tears building behind my eyes.

His smile turned tender before he reached out and caressed my cheek. "Let's get you home."

Home…

I nodded, hastily swatting away my tears, and trying to calm my heart, when I was literally heaved off the ground by Jake. "Jeez I missed ya, Bells!" he exclaimed. "It wasn't the same without ya!"

I laughed, struggling to catch my breath. "You too, cuz," I replied warmly. "Just let me get my bag from Edward and we can catch up."

When Jake released me, I turned to find Edward, quickly spotting him with Esme and Carlisle; he was still carrying my suitcase. As I approached him on shaky legs, he met my gaze, a gentle smile curving on his lips. All traces of that previous hostility had vanished, I noticed with relief, telling myself I'd obviously misconstrued it.

He took me into his arms, engulfing me. "Get lots of sleep, Bella." The words came out as a breathy murmur as his lips gently brushed against my cheek.

"You too," I replied, turning my face to press my lips against his skin and sighing. "Thank you … so much for coming with me, Edward," I said softly as my voice threatened to break.

"Wherever you go, Bella, I'll follow," he said, his tone dropping gently, before his lips found the side of my head.

Pulling from his arms, I grabbed his hand. "Come and meet my father?"

He tensed again, his lips pressing together as an unmistakable frown darkened his features. "No …" he shook his head lightly, "later—o-kay?" His tone was harder, made obvious by the fact that he had to clear his throat to soften it again. "I'll call you soon."

He handed me my suitcase, and I took it, my eyes not deviating from his. I felt my brow crease so heavily in confusion that it ached. I opened my mouth to reply, to ask him what the hell was wrong, when from the corner of my eye I spotted Esme.

"Bella, sweetheart," was all she said as she took me gently into her arms.

"H-hi, Mrs. Cullen," I stammered.

Next it was Alice that was embracing me, then it was Jasper; effectively distracting me from what was happening with Edward.

"Bella, I got one for ya?" Jazz said to me with a huge toothy grin.

"Huh?" I replied blankly.

He elaborated, "Two Aussie cattle drovers are standing in an Outback bar.  
One asked, "What are you up to, Mate?"  
"Ahh, I'm takin' a mob of six thousand from Goondiwindi to Gympie."  
"Oh yeah ... and what route are you takin'?"  
"Ah, probably the Missus; after all, she stuck by me durin' the drought.""

"I … I don't understand that?" Esme spoke up puzzled, just as Alice burst into laughter.

I chuckled shortly—wryly. "That's actually pretty good, Jazz. Have you been googling?"

"Bloody oath!"

I only shook my head with an easy going grin, when Alice suddenly exclaimed, "Bella, is that your dad? Holy hell, you look exactly like him!"

I turned back to the General, feeling my chest swell with pride. "Yeah."

"We'll let you catch up with him. I'll see you soon." Alice turned her gaze back to me, her face warming with affection.

I grabbed her impulsively, wrapping my arms tightly around her slim shoulders. "Alice—I don't know what I would have done if you and Edward didn't come with me. I don't know how to ever thank you."

My emotions were all over the place. I felt completely overwhelmed by everything, yet still unable to properly comprehend it all.

Alice only hugged me back earnestly. "It was _so _my pleasure, Bella. You are my _best mate,_ after all."

I half chuckled, softly, trying to prevent myself from falling apart. When she released me, I turned around to look for Edward; he wasn't there. I felt my stomach tighten with nervous energy before I exhaled heavily, feeling my shoulders fall a little with it.

I hated feeling panicky again where Edward was concerned. I thought we were past all that.

Picking up my suitcase, I headed back to where my father and Jake were waiting for me.

**...**

It took longer than it should have to nod off in the car back to Uncle Billy's—even after Jake stopped chatting to me. I couldn't throw off the uneasy feeling about Edward's sudden shift in behaviour, and the more I went over it in my mind, the more I became convinced that it was because of The General.

But Why?

Eventually sheer exhaustion and nothing else won out. When I woke up, I was snuggled in my bed with only vague memories of being carried from the car.

It was the rap song blasting from my mobile that woke me. I pulled myself groggily from under the covers, rubbing my eyes heavily, and retrieved it from inside my bag, glancing absently at the time on my clock radio.

It was almost midday. I'd slept twenty hours!

I clicked open my messages to see Edward's name.

**Hey, baby. Hope you slept well. Take it easy, I'll see you tomorrow. Love you x**

My grin had taken over my expression before I could even properly read his message; with the uneasy feeling completely gone. I found it so hard to comprehend anything from the night before, that I doubted my take on things could be reliable anyway. And I was more than happy to let it go.

**I slept like a baby—so not like me. How about you? Love you too. Bella xoxo**, I hastily texted Edward back, grinning to myself like a loon while my fingers spelled it out.

He replied not a minute later, **OK, but I kind of missed you waking me up 10 times a night.**

My grin turned affectionate; I shook my head lightly to myself.

I missed it too.

It had been almost two days since that hotel room in Sydney, and despite the tender, aching feeling that had plagued me ever since, my skin was still alive with him. It tingled with the memory of his touch, while the scent of him was seeped into my pores. My hands, my hair, my clothes still held Edward's smell and I didn't want to erase it. I knew we'd make other memories together that would remain with me, but my last night in Australia with Edward was something I wanted to hold onto forever.

As I showered, reluctantly washing him from me, memories of that night replayed repeatedly in my mind. The physical energy residing beneath my skin because of him began pulsating to the surface, while the emotion I felt over it kept me completely charged. Every particle of me was alight, and my heart felt almost literally engulfed. With everything that I'd experienced over the last two weeks, it was beginning to feel overwhelming, and I had a very strong urge to succumb to tears.

It was 1:00 pm when I finally retreated downstairs. Uncle Billy, Jacob and my father, who were all in the living room watching TV, collectively looked toward me as I approached.

"You're alive, Bells," Jacob exclaimed with a broad grin as The General rose from his chair.

I turned to my father with the same intense and inundating emotion as I had the night before. It simply seemed too unbelievable that he was here. Even as he walked over and took me in his arms, I fought the reality of it; finding it so hard to fathom.

"Did you sleep well, Isabella?" he asked, planting a kiss on the side of my face.

It was a strange kind of affection that he expressed; even a hug to Charlie was a formality. But as I laid my cheek against his chest, feeling a flood of emotion begin to chip away at me, I wasn't going to complain. My father was here and just then life for me was as complete as it was ever likely to get.

"Yes," I replied softly.

"It will take time," he added in a gentler tone before he released me.

I nodded hastily, feeling for a moment that my face was going to crumble behind the swelling of emotion. I was both so immensely happy, overwhelmed, yet still so crushed by Kel's death that it felt like my heart was torn and drowning under the weight of it.

I was just collecting myself, when Uncle Billy pulled me into his embrace. Unlike Charlie, he was openly affectionate, expressing his delight to have me back and kissing my brow as a physical validation of it.

I held myself together by the bare minimum, but in all honesty I wasn't sure if I had anymore tears left to cry.

**...**

Charlie took me into Port Angeles for lunch—or more a late lunch, since it was early afternoon by the time we arrived. He was staying for seven days, he informed me, which made my stomach knot with a sense of panic. It was too short, but it was all the leave the navy could allocate for him. I tried not to appear too disappointed in front of him and concentrate on the time I had with him, but it was never enough. My father was always the missing piece of who I was; the person I got half my genes from but never really knew. My one _willing_ parent, but with restrictions regardless. It always seemed cruel to me that Renee wouldn't be my parent and Charlie couldn't.

As he sat across from me, I absorbed and committed every word he spoke and every expression to memory; not knowing when I'd be with him again. He asked me a multitude of questions about my life from the moment I'd arrived in Forks, evading the obvious topics of Edward and Australia.

It wasn't until I received another text message during lunch that he breeched the topic.

"Edward…" I explained a little awkwardly, clicking it open as a huge smile completely monopolized my face.

**Miss you, beautiful. I'll call you tonight.**

I guess my expression was pretty telling.

The General just sat gauging me for a few moments, an edge of distrust sparking in his eyes, before he cleared his throat. "Is that the young man who went to Australia with you?" It was obvious he wasn't happy about it, though he made an effort to keep it from his voice.

I nodded my head, trying to rein in the extent of my smile. "Yeah—he's Alice's brother."

Charlie took a sip of his coffee, nodding before he asked a little stiffly, "He's your boyfriend?"

"Um… yes," I answered, feeling my face begin to prickle with heat. I suddenly felt incredibly exposed; as if my father knew exactly what had recently happened with Edward and me.

"He treats you well, then?"

I nodded my head emphatically. "He does—I, I …" I abandoned the sentence, shaking my head softly to myself. There wasn't enough words to express what Edward had done for me, after all.

Charlie cleared his throat for a second time. "Well I guess you'd better bring him around so I can meet him," he spoke formally which scared me a little, and I began to recall the strange way Edward had behaved at the airport. Behaviour I was convinced at the time had something to do with my father.

I nodded, trying to ignore my heart as it skipped over a beat, setting off a nervous energy within me.

Charlie flashed me a quick, warm smile before he turned his attention back to his lunch. I picked up my utensils and shovelled a forkful of salad into my mouth, telling myself I was being paranoid and dropped it.

I replied to Edward's text when The General made his way to the rest room, just before we were about to leave.

**I miss you too, you big sap.**

**I'm not allowed to be a sap? How am I supposed to crack onto my girlfriend then?**

I laughed softly to myself and replied, **Start by not mocking me,**

It was enough to completely erase any concerns I had about Edward and Charlie—whether I thought they were valid or not—and a smile soon became my primary expression. I suddenly had plenty to smile about after all.

The general took me shopping, buying me a summer wardrobe that I was still convinced I'd never be warm enough to wear without a jumper. But I was soon recalling how I'd often woken in Edward's arms, sweltering hot from the degree of his body temperature, and suspected they might not go to waste after all.

By the time we arrived back home I was exhausted again. I was still hung over from jet lag, not to mention being weighed down by the avalanche of emotion that flooded me at every moment. Trying to comprehend it all had tired me out, and I still felt that at any moment I'd start crying.

Skipping dinner, I crawled into bed with the sound of the rain against my window; rain that I had missed so incredibly; rain that told me I was home at last.

I slept all night without waking once, completely forgetting that Edward was supposed to call me.

I dreamt about the night in the hotel, of Edward's warm, tender hands running over my body; of his silken chest pressing against mine; of the sensation he'd awoken within me; the pain and desire. Even in my dreams, the magnitude of it engulfed me, and when my eyes opened next morning, my entire body was alive, while my chest felt swollen—almost burdened by it.

I climbed out of bed in the same emotionally overwhelmed state that I had before; with a giant smile, a hammering heart, and the compulsion to surrender to tears.

I hadn't taken two steps towards the door when I realised I'd missed Edward's call. As I hurried over to my bag to retrieve my mobile, my heart was sinking—as silly as that was. Edward had been the very reason that I was able to _breathe _in Australia, and I was feeling the absence of him incredibly.

"Bugger," I muttered to myself, realising my phone was dead. I plugged it in to the power point, before heading into the hall for a shower. When I was back in my room twenty minutes later, Edward's toothy-grinned smile was alerting me to three missed phone calls and one voice message.

Sighing guiltily, I called my message bank.

"Hey, Bella," Edward's deep voice spoke, sounding despondent almost. "I guess you've fallen asleep. I'll call you in the morning."

My chest tightened with just as much disappointment as Edward had sounded, and I immediately hit _call_.

It picked up after the forth ring to Edward's rustic, sleepy sounding voice. "Hey, baby."

"Hey," my voice immediately turned tender, "sorry about last night. I was buggered; I slept like the dead—" Immediately I froze with the realisation of what I'd just spoken, and felt my expression teeter. I cleared my throat trying to regain my composure.

"It's okay, I was _buggered _too," he teased me gently, and the rigidness melted from my body instantly. "You okay?" he asked me a moment later.

"Yeah—I'm fine."

"Mmm well, can I be a selfish asshole and kidnap you today?"

I chuckled softly. "You coming on your tricycle again?"

He laughed his light, smooth sounding laugh as I grinned moronically along with him. "I'm sure I could persuade the little rat to come round and get you."

"I'll come there sometime today. I'm not sure what's happening yet," I explained apologetically.

"Okay."

We talked for a further forty minutes, teasing and flirting with one another until I became almost literally charged by the sound of his voice. In the end, it was the sound of my stomach growling that prompted me to reluctantly end the phone call.

Talking to him had unburdened me, and I walked down stairs smiling broadly and feeling carefree for the first time in months.

"Hey, Jake," I said brightly to my cousin as he sat dwarfing the chair he was sitting on, messily eating cereal.

"Hey, Bells," he replied, flashing me a bright smile, while munching his breakfast.

Pulling the cornflakes out of the cupboard, I poured myself a bowl, and sat beside him. "Where is everyone?" I asked taking a mouthful.

"Our _dad's_ had to go out for—business, I guess. I'm not sure." Jakes grin deepened teasingly, before he continued, "They'll be home in the afternoon."

I smiled back in reply. "Righto."

"By the way, Bells, your princess called last night. Jeez you sure turned him into a needy S.O.B." His grin turned into a sly smirk, before he hid it behind a giant spoonful of Count Chocula.

I swallowed, groaning. "Jake," I complained with a sigh, "can you let all that crap in the past with Edward slide? He apologised, remember?"

"Yeah … but I still say he only did it to get into your pants," he mumbled as he munched his cereal.

I folded my arms across the table, gazing at him cynically. "I can tell you for a fact that's not true," I insisted. "Please, Jake? I kinda like him." I pouted jokingly, and his mouth twitched before he rolled his eyes.

"Okay, okay—only for you, Bells. Anyway, your dad wants you to ask him over for dinner tonight." His grin turned sly again.

I whacked him with my wet spoon, forgetting for a moment that the prospect of inviting Edward to meet my father still made me uneasy.

I washed mine and Jake's breakfast dishes, before I sent Edward a quick text, telling him I was coming over.

* * *

**A/N: spank you for reading MWAH**


	43. Deja Vu

**A/N; It's good to be home ... Am I finished yet?**

* * *

**Chapter 42**

**Déjà vu**

**Bella's POV**

"I'm going out, Jake. You need a lift anywhere?" I called out to him, grabbing my hoodie from the coat stand at the front door.

He came bounding down the stairs three seconds later, causing the timber beneath him to creak painfully. "Can you drop me at Ness'?"

"Sure, come on."

"I'm sorry to be an ass about Cull-Edward, Bells," Jake stammered, but with sincerity, after we pulled out of the driveway.

Glancing at him, I smiled warmly, only nodding in reply.

"I saw how much he cares about you ... that night," he mumbled, lowering his voice awkwardly.

I nodded again, taking a long breath. "Yeah..."

"Plus, the way he took on Emmett and everything... I reckon he could give me a run for my money."

My head snapped in his direction so suddenly I almost veered off the road. "What do you mean_ took on Emmett_?"

"Erm ... I'm not sure what it was about, really. Emmett thought Edward had done something to you and it ruined his party, and Cul-Edward went for him. Man, Emmett was having a hard time trying to hold him down too."

I turned by eyes back to the road, running a hand through my hair, feeling suddenly on edge. I barely remembered much from that night, other than overwhelming grief, and I hated the fact that I had caused so much trouble.

Jake nudged me playfully. "So, Bells, can I stay pissed at Edward for a bit longer? I kinda want to see how much he could give me." His eyes gleamed deviously.

I scoffed knowingly, thankful that he'd eased the tension that was threatening to plague me. "Get out!" I turned to him teasingly a moment later as I pulled to the side of the road, in front of Nessie's house.

"Seeya, Bells." His grin turned titanic, his eyes crinkling deeply at the edges, before he jumped out.

I smiled back at him affectionately, realising just how much I'd missed him. "Bye, Jake."

I indicated to turn back onto the road when a tap at my window interrupted me. I turned my head and instantly felt myself stiffen in irritation; it was _Mike Newton_. He motioned for me to wind down my window. I thought for a moment about ignoring him and driving off, but begrudgingly did as he asked.

"What do you want?" I asked him sharply.

"It's good to see you, Bells," he drawled over confidently, overlooking my less than warm greeting.

"_Bella!_" I corrected him, my tone hard.

He shrugged cockily. "I heard you and Cullen went to Australia together."

"How is that any of your business?" I retorted impatiently.

He shrugged again, before a smug smile tugged on his lips. "It's not. I'm just a little surprised that you picked him in the end."

I snorted. "You're _surprised_?"

His arrogant grin faded for a moment before it quickly snapped back. "Give it time, you'll soon see him for what he is and wish you were with me."

I just stared at him incredulous for a second or two, before I almost laughed. "Okay then, well do me a favour, Mike?"

"Anything, sweet cheeks."

"Hold your breath!" I pulled away from the curb, almost knocking him on his arse.

I shook my head to myself, letting the cringes roll off my spine. "Deluded wanker," I mumbled, pulling off the main Forks road in the direction of Edward and Alice's house. The smile almost immediately returned to my lips.

Before I raised my hand to knock on the Cullens' front door, it swung open and Edward stood there with a wide grin on his face.

"Hey," he said, his voice dipping huskily, before he reached out, grabbed my hand and pulled me against his chest; bending down to press his lips softly with mine.

He broke away, his grin pulling wider, when I merged my lips with his again, kissing him more deeply. I stood on my tippy-toes, because he was so bloody tall, and wrapped my arms around his neck, feeling the warmth of him beneath his shirt and realising just how much I'd missed him these last couple of days.

Just when I felt Edward's arms slip around my waist, pulling me flush against him and stretching me up to properly kiss me, a low, buzzing sound and the feel of air washing over my cheek broke us apart. In fact, Edward's groan first vibrated gently against my lips before we both turned to see Emmett holding one of those small, handheld fans at us.

"Bella down under!" he exclaimed, before pulling me from Edward to engulf me in his arms; a reflexive sound bursting from me as my constricted lungs protested.

Bloody hell, he was a hyper version of Jake!

"Hi E-Emmett," I replied a little frazzled after he released me and I could breathe again.

He only winked, before Edward grabbed my hand and led me further inside, sighing to himself.

"Want a drink?" he asked me, before releasing my hand to wrap his arm around my shoulders and gently caressing my temple with his lips.

I slipped my arm around his waist, snuggling against him and shrugged lightly. "If you're having one."

We walked from the entrance directly into the kitchen, where Edward released me completely to open the fridge and take out two cans of coke.

"Do you want to watch some T.V … or we can hang in my room?" he asked, handing me a drink and raising his eyebrows with a smile on his face that suddenly appeared uncertain. Then as if to validate it, he ran his hand through his hair to the back of his neck.

I smiled at him knowingly and opened my mouth to answer, when Jazz and Alice strolled into the kitchen via the rear door.

"Hey, Bells!" Alice exclaimed brightly, coming over and hugging me impulsively. "When did you get here?"

"Two minutes ago," I replied.

"Jazz and I are going to watch a movie. Are you guys in?" she put it to me first before turning to Edward.

He was again running his hand over the back of his head, not looking too thrilled by the idea.

As my eyes met his and I gauged his reaction, a small smile appeared on his lips. He sighed in resignation and turned back to Alice, shrugging half-heartedly . "Yeah okay, for a while."

"Cool," Alice said cheerfully, grabbing Jazz's hand and pulling him towards the living room.

"Still not in full ownership of your balls, dude, I see." Jazz smirked at Edward, before leaving the room with Alice.

Edward's eyes covertly met mine, a small, secretive smile forming on his lips. All at once, the memory returned to me of Edward and me sitting on the bathroom floor at Nummi's, and while trying to cheer me up, he told me about Jazz's preoccupation with a certain word.

I broke into a soft, short laugh, nodding in understanding, while the complete memory of it made me want to both cringe and melt. Edward had been my absolute saviour that night, but how he'd seen me...

He draped his arm playfully around my neck. "I told you," he murmured against my ear, snorting the air through his nose, before he kissed my forehead quickly.

"You did," I replied grabbing his hand that hung from my shoulder as we followed Alice and Jazz.

Alice put on American Pie; I hadn't seen it. As she inserted it into the DVD player, I snugged on the sofa with Edward, curling into his side and resting my hand casually on his leg. He leaned over to place his can of coke on the lamp table, then sat back and snaked his arm around my waist, inching his fingers under my shirt and cupping his warm hand around my side.

"We don't have to watch it for long," he murmured against my ear.

I smiled to myself lightly. Judging by the degree his temperature was rising, something told me that he wasn't going to be very comfortable with me sitting so close to him with Alice and jazz on the sofa across from us. I grabbed his hand, slipping my fingers through his and brought it to my lips.

"We'll put in a courteous amount of time," I replied teasingly, meeting his lips briefly with mine and having to almost fight myself to break it off.

He drew me closer to the toasty warmth of him, and I rested our hands in his lap. When I turned my eyes to the movie, I noticed Jazz was watching Edward with a smirk on his face. He then turned his gaze on me and his grin turned sly.

"So, Bella? D'you know that Edward had a serious hard on for you from the first day you arrived?"

I felt my lips curve slightly as Edward groaned and released my hand to push the heel of his palm into his forehead. "Shut the fuck up, Jazz."

"He didn't like me on the first day I arrived," I corrected Jazz, biting on my lip to stop myself from laughing.

"Oh, you reckon—," Jazz continued, his overconfidence pulling his grin deviously, but Alice elbowed him.

"Jazzy, leave him alone," she interjected, rolling her eyes.

Edward sighed to himself, his hand dragging back through his hair. I couldn't tell whether he was genuinely annoyed, but I suddenly felt protective of him. I took his hand again and squeezed it gently. "I kind of already knew, Jazz. The pens were a bit of a giveaway."

Jazz looked like he wanted to push it, but Alice, having incredible power of persuasion over him, effectively _distracted _him. It was an awkward moment for Edward and me, and grew more so when we realized that it wasn't winding down anytime soon. I tried to concentrate on the movie, but it was difficult when the sound of Alice and Jazz slopping over each other drowned it out.

And Edward was not very impressed with it.

I snuggled into him further, running my fingers over his hand tenderly, but he continued to sit tense, groaning under his breath, and becoming more and more impatient. Unlike Alice, I wasn't able to distract him, but then their slurpy kissing sounds didn't make for a very romantic atmosphere to divert his attention.

"Jesus fucking..." Edward muttered to himself, allowing it to trail off before he picked up his empty cola can and threw it at Jazz; hitting him in the back of the head. "Hey, asshole, if you want to feel up my sister at least have the fucking courtesy to do it when I'm not sitting six feet away!" His voice was low and sarcastic; evident that he was becoming angry.

"Edward!" Alice protested as Jazz looked over at us, the confusion on his face comical.

I smothered my amusement against Edward's shoulder.

"What?" Jazz asked blankly, clearly incoherent from his make-out session with Alice.

Edward huffed, then rolled his eyes before looking down at me. "Either we go now, or I rip Jazzy pants' head off," his tone was gentler as he gazed at me, but it was still obvious that he was annoyed.

I nodded in agreement, trying to hide the fact that I found his anger funny.

"_DUDDERS, DID YOU DRINK ALL THE ROOT BEER_?" Emmett suddenly bellowed, to which Jazz began immediately laughing.

Edward closed his eyes, groaning beneath his breath, before he stood up from the sofa in one motion, pulling me with him.

We passed Emmett as we made our way to the stairs.

"And keep the rooting down to a dignified level, if you don't mind," he said lowly, feigning a serious tone while trying not to smirk.

I felt my face burst into flames, just as Edward's grip on my hand tightened.

"Jesus, Emmett!" he burst in aggravation.

"What? You're watching the Mariners game, aren't you?" Emmett replied, exaggerating his confusion. "Jeez you're an uptight bastard." He glanced at me and winked again. I scoffed out my wonder at him good-naturedly, and his face almost broke into an all-out grin, before he disappeared into the living room.

Edward shook his head to himself, rubbing his brow with his fingers, but didn't say anything as he led me again to the stairs. We were half way up, when he suddenly paused. His expression faltered for a moment, his eyebrows knotting together as an odd look reflected on his face.

"What is it?" I asked tilting my head to gaze at him, my curiosity piqued.

He shook his head lightly to himself. "Déjà vu," he mumbled, a small smile lighting up across his face.

**...**

I hadn't been in Edward's room since the night of the prom, and as I gazed around I was immediately flooded with memories of that horrible moment when I got the phone call from Nummi.

"You okay, baby?" he asked me gently, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear. I looked up and met his gaze and I knew by the intensity of his eyes that he understood what was going through my mind.

"Yeah," I replied softly, nodding.

He pulled me against his chest, resting his chin on the top of my head and took a heavy breath. "You slept on my bed that night. It drove me mad, because my mother wouldn't let me anywhere near you."

I wrapped my arms around his waist and sighed. I vaguely remembered Dr Masen sedating me and having Alice beside me most of the night. But a lot of what had actually happened became confused by nightmares. I remember thinking it was Edward that had died; of seeing his accident so clearly in my mind; of him lying unconscious and bloody on the side of the road.

Something I was suddenly seeing right then.

I squeezed my eyes shut and pressed my face into his chest as a shudder rippled through me.

He replaced his chin with his lips, tightening his arms around me, and it wasn't long before the sensation of being pressed against his overly warm body completely shifted the tenor within me. Shamefully, all thoughts of Kel faded from my mind as my skin began tingling with the ambience of it.

"Edward?" I asked, my voice a murmur against his chest.

"Mmmm?"

"Did you really have a hard on for me the first day?" My tone turned teasing.

He broke into soft laughter, exhaling it against my hair as it rocked from his chest. "Erm ... hard on might be a slight ... understatement."

His hands slid from around my back to my hips, where he slipped his fingers beneath my jeans, and immediately a fire was ignited within me.

I grabbed his shirt in both my fists, leaning my head back to meet him as he bent down to kiss me.

It was gentle at first, full of emotion, just the tenderness of his lips, locked between mine, but as it deepened, as our mouths parted and I became engulfed by him, I became vaguely aware that I was tugging at his shirt, while his hands ran up my sides, dragging my t-shirt with them.

Suddenly, all that made sense was the need and desire for his body against mine.

Pressing my lips further against his, I slid my hands directly over the smooth, heated skin of his back, up to his neck, pulling his shirt up to his armpits in the process. He pulled me tighter against him, his bared stomach brushing with mine, before he severed our lips to drag his t-shirt over his head.

His eyes were burning, but when they locked with mine again, they softened. As he encircled me in his arms, I curved my hand around the back of his neck, drawing him back to me, and with my other hand, I cupped it around his cheek; my fingers running over the coarse stubble aligning his jaw as our mouths reconnected.

The initial urgency of our movements had calmed; the tempo of our kiss softening and slowing. It was just his lips in motion with mine, parting and deepening. His hands were no longer seeking my skin, but were wrapped tightly around me, holding me flush against him; immersing me in the warmth of his body. His heart was beating rapidly, and as I held his face to mine, I could feel his skin burning hotter.

He slid his nose to the other side of mine, taking my lips between his briefly, before he pressed them to my brow. "Baby, if I take your shirt off, I won't be able to stop at just that."

I ran my hand down his cheek, tucking his hair delicately behind his ear, pulling his earlobe gently. I kissed him once briefly and then again. "Take my shirt off," I whispered against his lips before I pressed them against his for a third time with more intensity.

Immediately responding, he pressed his lips to mine with more urgency, more need! His mouth opened, and I was engulfed by the warmth of his breath, before he suddenly pulled back.

"Are you sure?" he asked softly before his lips met mine again. His voice was gravelly and my body reacted to the sound of it almost as a reflex.

I nodded with abandon as I kissed him, uttering out a strangled, breathless sound in response.

I was craving the physical and emotional connection from him. It was a desire that was completely controlling me; To feel his lips and his skin against mine, and to allow myself to respond to him. But was I planning to have sex with him again? I knew it would eventually build until we reached that point; something I doubted I would pull out of. At the same time, the condoms Alice had given to me way back at Nummi's house in Australia were in my top drawer in my bedroom at Uncle Billy's. I didn't have them on me; I didn't come to see Edward with the sole purpose of having sex with him.

But as his lips merged deeper with mine, parted and burning, rational thought slowly faded from my mind.

Suddenly he lifted me up to his eye level, and in the next moment he dropped me back against his bed. With my hands still clasped to the back of his neck, I ended up pulling him down on top of me; his bare chest thudding against my ribs, as a low, short groan sounded against my cheek; as if it had caused him pain. I drew in my breath and moved to speak, but before I could utter a word, my mouth was immediately met, and covered by the firmness of his. "I'm fine," he reassured me, the pitch of his voice husky, before he dipped his head to kiss my neck.

I thought about being worried for a moment but was soon too distracted by the sensation of his blazing lips moving over my throat, humming and tasting tenderly—always so tenderly.

Bloody hell!

I took a shaky breath, struggling as it caught at the back of my throat.

As his mouth trailed slowly back to mine, his hands found their way to my stomach, but unable to manoeuvre them with him pressing against me, they slid down my thigh, where he wrapped my leg over him.

The heat was saturating him, and concentrating in the pounding, rock-hard bulge that was suddenly pressing directly—

Oh god.

What was I doing? I was still physically recovering!

I felt myself tense and then retract as his lips enclosed mine, but as he took me into him with so much intensity, he again awakened the yearning within me, and immediately I was yielding, completely surrendering.

"Edward," I breathed his name, my voice catching behind the pressure that was burning in my throat. But I swallowed past it and opened myself further to him, wrapping my arms more tightly around his neck; knowing that his touch was enough to extinguish it.

My hands found their way into his hair; his thick and silky hair. I entwined my fingers around it as he again pulled back from my mouth to press his lips to the base of my throat.

"Bella..." his voice, seeped with emotion, reverberated against my skin as he attempted to pull up my shirt.

It wasn't coming off, not with him lying smooth on top of me, and so in the next movement he pulled himself up on his knees, taking me with him. I felt almost dizzy, swaying almost as he righted us. He exhaled into a sort of half groan—half sigh, and as his eyes caught mine, his smile turned drunken.

With my expression beginning to mirror his, I let my face slide against his; my nose caressing the softness of his cheek. "Déjà vu," I murmured, before I replaced my nose with my lips.

His half-mumbled reply was swallowed as he captured my mouth with his, before slowly he pulled my shirt up over my chest; his hands trailing behind it, where it broke our lips apart as he completely removed it.

I curled myself against him, craving the contact of his bare skin with mine, and took a long, heavy breath. Opening my eyes, I noticed for the first time Edward's chest hair, golden brown, and scattered lightly across his chest. I ran my hand gently over it, feeling the heat of him beneath my fingertips. Pressing my ear to his chest, I closed my eyes and listened to his heart, steady and increasing, before enclosing my arms tightly around his waist.

The craving I was feeling for him was suddenly swelling with emotion. I was becoming engulfed by it and I needed a moment to process everything.

"Hey?" Edward's gravelly voice whispered.

I looked up, meeting his gaze and feeling a sense of calm. He was still the same Edward as he had been in Australia.

Stretching up, I kissed him gently. It was only brief before he broke away to brush his lips against my neck and then to my bare shoulder; moving my hair back as he did.

From behind me, his hands slid to my hips, where he pulled back and looked at me.

"What?" I asked him feeling my brow pucker, while a warm smile curved on my lips.

"You seem … distracted. Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked me, looking uncertain for the first time.

Placing my palm against his cheek, I smiled at him. "Are you going to ask me this every time?"

"Yeah," he admitted, shrugging lightly, his smile turning askew.

I opened my mouth to reply when there was a knock at Edward's door, and before either of us could react to it, it opened. My heart seized in panic as Edward pulled me flush against him, shielding me before whipping his head toward the door.

Alice popped her head into the room. "Ed..." she began, but the words died on her lips and her expression quickly turned to mortification. "Oh god—I'm so sorry!" she blurted hastily.

"Alice—what the fuck!" Edward burst angrily as she slammed the door.

"I'm sorry, Edward. Mum's home she wants you and Bella to come down for lunch," she called out apologetically through the door.

I groaned softly wanting to openly cringe, before leaning my forehead against Edward's chest. "Bloody hell," I sighed feeling my face prickle hotly.

Edward huffed out brashly in frustration, before taking a resigned breath and resting his lips on top of my head. "I'm sorry, Bella."

"It's not your fault," I replied, my voice muffled as I buried my face against him.

"_Bloody _Alice," he muttered, his tone lightening.

By the time Edward and I recovered from the embarrassing event of what his sister almost witnessed and went back down stairs, my face was still a beetroot. As we entered the kitchen, Alice immediately glanced up over at us, her expression beseeching. Edward scowled at her, rolling his eyes in irritation, while she mouthed the word "sorry" to me.

Huffing his breath, Edward turned his back on her as Mrs Cullen turned to greet us.

"Hi, honey," she said to Edward before her eyes turned to me. "Hello, Bella." Her voice became warm as she embraced me, kissing my cheek. "Staying for lunch?"

"Hi—y-yeah," I stammered, becoming more flustered.

"Go sit down." Her smiled increased with affection before she turned back to the counter and picked up a large bowl of salad.

Edward led me over to the dining table and we sat opposite Alice and Jazz. Alice avoided our gaze, while Jazz was smirking broadly in an obvious internal debate with himself on whether he should give Edward anymore crap. Edward was too distracted to notice, by vigorously assaulting his hair and yanking on the collar of his t-shirt. In a way I was glad, I didn't think he was in the right frame of mind to put up with Jazz at that moment.

Emmett walked in the room languidly, went to the fridge and disappeared behind it. "Jesus, woman, you forgot the root beer. You know how much Dudders is fond of the stuff!" His voice echoed loudly.

During the third offensive on his hair, Edward's hand paused before he closed his eyes and groaned softly. I placed my hand on his knee under the table as Jazz snorted and choked his laughter behind his hand.

Esme approached the table carrying two large bowls. With my face on fire, I glanced up at her. She was only rolling her eyes knowingly, still oblivious to that one word that Emmett was using every angle of.

"Watch the _woman_ stuff, fella. And since when does Edward drink root beer?"

Emmett snorted loudly. "Like, freaking ten times a day—well not anymore, now that he has Bella..." he purposely let his voice trail off then cleared his throat with such over the top exaggeration that Jazz turned purple.

Edward, with careful, measured movements covered my hand with his; it was clammier than it normally was. He bent down closer to me. "I'm so sorry, Bella," he whispered so that only I heard him.

I turned to face him, my brow brushing lightly against his. "It's okay," I replied softly, grabbing his hand and squeezing gently.

I felt his lips press to my forehead briefly before he turned back, and just as Esme placed the salad and a bowl of spaghetti on the table in front of us.

The ambience over lunch was calmer than I'd anticipated. With Emmett hoeing into his food, the rest of us chatted casually. Esme asked polite questions about Australia, and I answered, trying to maintain an easy going tone to my voice while Edward's hot, sultry hand began to get adventurous with my thigh.

I nudged him under the table discreetly then looked up and met Emmett's devilish gaze. He'd stopped chewing mid bite for a moment before continuing again, while flashing me a full-cheeked grin. I smiled back at him, scoffing softly to myself then turned my attention back to my plate of food as Emmett turned his to Esme.

"So, Mother, where's Dr McDreamy, anyway?"

"He's at the dentist," Esme answered rolling her eyes with a small smirk.

"Finally getting root canal done, is he?" Emmett asked so completely straight-faced that I was actually amazed.

Of course, Jazz immediately began choking, and when I turned to Edward, he was rubbing his forehead heavily, only smiling slightly to himself. As his eyes met mine, his grin pulled wider. "Are you finished, Bella?"

I nodded.

**...**

We hung out in the back gardens for a while, but it soon began raining. Reluctantly, I pulled my back from the warmth of Edward's chest and stared up at the sky begrudgingly. "I should get home, I guess." I sighed, turning my face to him and kissing him quickly on the cheek.

Exhaling deeply, he hummed his reply lazily then helped me to my feet. We walked to my jeep, Edward with his arm draped loosely over my shoulder. And since it was a day of déjà vu's, the memory of the last time Edward had walked me to my jeep at his house, echoed through my mind. _So much_ had happened since that day and it was only just a few months previous.

The rain decided to turn torrential, so Edward and I said our goodbyes on the front porch.

He pulled me tightly against him and kissed me tenderly, but briefly a few times; just his soft lips between mine, and enough to make my breath leave me in a gush. "I apologise for my brother and sister," he murmured against my cheek, before kissing me hastily again on the lips.

I nodded with a sigh then laughed softly at the thought of Emmett at lunch. I kissed him back just as briefly. "Tell your mum thanks for lunch again."

"I will." He placed his lips on my neck this time, bathing my skin in his hot breath for a moment before pulling back and leaving me slightly unsteady. "later, alligator," he whispered playfully in my ear.

"Love you, crocodile," I replied affectionately.

"Sappy." He flashed me a warm, teasing grin.

"Always mocking me," I replied with feigned reproach, kissing the side of his mouth quickly and stepping down from the porch into the rain.

I ran to my jeep and jumped in, starting the engine. It wasn't until I turned back to Edward to wave a final goodbye that I suddenly realized what I'd forgotten to ask him. I wound down my window and called out over the rain. "Edward, my father invited you to dinner tonight. Can you come?"

He had his head down, his hand running slowly back through his hair, when he paused. He looked up fractionally and his eyes locked with mine.

* * *

**A/N: Jeez Mike's a wanker, and way to cock block, you little rat!**


	44. As Long As You Love Me

**A/N: Yes ... Backstreet Boys...**

* * *

**Chapter 43**

**As Long As You Love Me**

**Edward's POV:**

"Um … Bella," I began, stammering, "I can't—I think we're doing something tonight for dinner already." It was total bullshit of course, and it was obvious that she didn't buy it for a moment. The only thing was, she looked kind of … relieved.

Flashing me a warm, accepting smile, she half shrugged.

I felt like an asshole, but what the hell could I do? Meet her father and tell him he was a fucking bastard for abandoning her to the nightmare of her childhood? The asshole would probably snap me in half. Like the other Swans he was a giant; easily six foot six and three hundred pounds.

The only problem was when Bella looked at him it was obvious she idolized him. I couldn't get the expression she'd had when she met him at the airport out of my mind. Her entire face had lit up and her eyes had come to life. It ripped my freaking heart out, 'cause I fucking hated him; hated him for having a gorgeous daughter that he put after himself; hated him for not doing something about Bella's trailer trash mother—not preventing his only child from the hell that she grew up in. Also, because I was a selfish bastard, I had to admit I was half jealous as well, but that to-bit excuse for a parent didn't deserve the affection Bella obviously had for him.

"I'll see you tomorrow." Bella's soft toned voice broke me from my brooding thoughts, and when I looked up to meet her gaze again her expression was hedging with concern. I'd been reefing my hands through my hair, my expression no doubt darkening and pissed off, so naturally she'd react. . "You … OK?" she eventually asked sounding uncertain, before reaching up and tugging on her lower lip.

There they fucking were again...

I forced the smile back on my face and my anger over her father to the back of my thoughts. "Yeah, I'm fine. I'll call you tonight."

She smiled in response, but it still seemed cautious, so I winked and watched her grin grow broad and only partially cynical.

"You're a dag," she scoffed knowingly, before starting her jeep, reversing and driving out of view.

I watched her leave, my mood slowly returning to pissed off as thoughts of her father began to infiltrate my mind again.

Fucking bastard!

I let myself back inside through the front door, past Alice and Jazz, and headed for the stairs.

"So, Dudders…" Emmett was suddenly before me with half a smirk on his lips. "I think you have a problem."

"What problem?"

"Mom, she's clued on to … erm … root!" And he snorted in his attempt not to fucking laugh.

"Emmett, Jesus!" I snapped, running my fingers stiffly back through my hair. "You're such a dickhead!"

"Well, how did I know the woman knew how to google?" It was obvious the fucker was enjoying himself; he couldn't keep the wise ass expression from his face.

I huffed and shoved past him and up the stairs.

My mother was waiting in fucking ambush by my bedroom door. "I'm not going to give you a lecture, Edward, just that I hope you're being careful."

I sighed heavily but didn't reply. She moved aside to let me enter my room, but didn't move. In fact, she still stood gauging me as I was about to close the door. "Mom—_what_?" I burst impatiently, though I was fucking embarrassed more than I was annoyed.

"Do… do you want me to send Carlisle up later to have a chat with you?" she asked me apprehensively.

"What? NO!" I burst seconds before slamming the door.

"I wouldn't look so smug, mister. I am well aware of the recent happenings with you and Rose—not to mention you pair, Alice and Jazz!" I heard her voice rise sternly from the other side of my bedroom door.

"Likewise with you and Dr. Seuss, mother dearest. I'm gonna need a shit ton of therapy because of the thin walls in this house. Honestly, there are some things no kid needs to hear from their mother."

There was a few seconds of silence, and I knew that as per usual Emmett had rendered Mom speechless.

A moment later she exploded.

Emmett was right though; the walls in the house were too thin. It was fucked up that I shared a common wall with him, but it could have been worse...

I logged on to my computer and checked my email. There was one from Nummi with an attached photo, and I exhaled deeply in relief; I was getting worried she'd forget.

**This is the clearest one I could find, Edward. I hope it helps. How's she doing? Give her my love.**

**Nummi xo**

I saved the photo to my files, trying not to focus on it or the anger that the sight of it immediately created within me.

After enlarging and cropping it, I began searching online. It took several hours, but eventually I found what I was looking for. I filled out an order form and forwarded the photo. The cost was pretty much what I had expected, and no doubt I'd have to ask Mom for fucking permission to withdraw it from my account.

Grabbing my laptop, I opened the door to go in search for her, when I ran into Alice.

"Mom's pissed. She's threatening to cancel Emmett's party," she spoke half laughing and rolling her eyes.

I only stared at her, feeling my confusion turn to agitation for, as usual, not having a fucking clue what she was talking about. "What… party?" I asked after a moment.

She blinked a few times and looked away suddenly looking uncomfortable. "Um … it's for our birthday as well, but—you know, how Emmett's prom party was sort of … cut short?"

Dropping my head, I scratched the back of my neck, nodding. "Yeah," I mumbled as memories of the night of prom flooded through my thoughts.

Alice had called Mom and Carlisle, worried about Bella, and they had put an end to the party the moment they saw the state she was in. Naturally, Emmett had blamed me for it; thinking I'd fucking forced myself on her—or some bullshit like that. Of course, upon seeing my girlfriend hysterical in my arms that would be the normal fucking assumption.

I was so pissed off I'd jumped him, taking him completely by surprise. It'd no doubt be the first and last time Emmett would ever let me punch him in the face without retaliating. He'd still out matched me, though; wrestling me to the ground with blood pouring from his nose. As I struggled under him, my stomach had burned as if my internal organs had exploded, but it only spurned my anger on further. It had been insignificant when Bella was in so much pain. Mine I could tolerate, but I couldn't bear hers.

"Where are you going with your computer anyway?" she inquired, gazing at me oddly, her forehead beginning to crease. Fucking mind reading me as usual.

I shrugged. "Nowhere."

She snorted barely beneath her breath before seeming to push it aside. "Got ten minutes? I want to talk to you about something."

Immediately my back snapped upright. "You walked in on me and Bella, Alice. I get it. Do I want to talk about it? I'll take a rain check!"

She flashed me a sarcastic look. "Yeah, because I enjoy discussing the details of my—" she broke off and looked around us quickly, before dropping her voice and continuing, "_brother's sex life_."

"Well, what the hell do you want then?" I snapped.

"It's about Bella," she answered with equal amounts of impatience.

I grabbed a fistful of her sweater and dragged her back inside my room. "What about Bella?" I asked skeptically, the moment I had closed the door behind us.

She folded her arms across her chest and took a breath. "I'm worried about her."

"What else is new, Alice? You're _always_ worried about her. Bella isn't a baby, you know!"

She huffed out her breath sharply. "Don't be an asshole!"

"Just spit it out. I've got shit to do."

"Fine—I'm worried about how fast things are moving with the two of you. That maybe Bella is using it as a way to deal with everything she's been through. She might not be even ready for any of it—have you even thought about that?" Her tone was practically accusatory and instantly it pissed me off. No, not just pissed me off, it made me completely fucking irate.

Taking a slow, measured breath in, I clenched my teeth together. "So what you're saying, Alice, is that Bella is _using me for sex_, and I'm taking advantage of it?" I spoke lowly, wanting to grab the little rat and hurl her out of my room.

"Of course that's not what I mean—stop being so dramatic, Edward!" she yelled back in frustration. "Jesus, you're highly strung!"

"Alice, get the fuck out of my room," I demanded, past all fucking patience, pointing my finger toward the door.

I glared down at her, ready to pick her up and propel her through the door, but there was something about her gaze that made me pause. It was all fucking pleading and apologetic.

"Edward, of course I don't think you'd ever treat Bella like that." Her tone was gentle this time, before she sighed deeply. "I'm sorry."

I didn't answer her, I couldn't. My thoughts were suddenly racing, recalling and analyzing everything that had happened in Australia until what Alice had just spoken seemed almost fucking logical. Bella, who was initially despondent and withdrawn, was physically shy with me—if not at all. Then she completely cut me off, severing all ties, barely able to look at me. Then after Rach had gotten her drunk and she finally let go of her pain, something reversed within her. She was suddenly not the shy Bella she was before; she was all fucking flirty and physically assertive. It was her who had initiated things sexually between us, and despite her apparent apprehension about it, she almost appeared to _need_ it. I had led her in that direction, unwittingly—because I was a horny fucking prick, and it had been all I'd been thinking about since the moment I'd met her.

Fuck!

The little rat was right, and it was so fucked up that she was!

I ran both my hands back through my hair, before rubbing my fingers heavily against my creased forehead. "Shit..." I admitted to myself.

"Edward …" Alice spoke up delicately, "it's not abnormal—I mean every time I have to get testing done, I want to lose myself too… and it doesn't mean she's using you at all. It's obvious she's crazy stupid in love with you."

I nodded and released my breath, running my fingers once more over my scalp. I felt weary all of a sudden. This shit with Bella and I was tiring. As much as I loved her—it was fucking tiring!

I knew it was too soon—I should have listened to my instincts! But I didn't because I got caught up in the train wreck that was our two weeks in Australia.

But now that we were back…

"Alice—do you think that maybe you could have spoken to Bella about this? You know how fucked up it is that you're talking about this with me?" I was starting to feel irritated that my sister was a nosy, pain in the ass, and even more because she was so fucking perceptive.

"I can't, because Bella's the one still grieving, and I don't want to upset her."

Releasing my breath fucking heavily, I sat down on the edge of my bed, placing both my palms over my face and massaging my forehead. "Yeah," I mumbled.

"Edward, now is the time that you and Bella get to be normal boyfriend and girlfriend. Australia was unique … you know? Don't base everything off what happened there," she said, gently.

"Yeah, OK, Alice. You're a fucking know it all, now get out!" I replied with only half feigned anger.

She broke into a grin. "You're welcome, now give me a hug."

"How about you leave me alone for once in your fucking life."

"I couldn't do that. You're my brother, and if you didn't have me, you'd be _rooted_." And with that the little rat started fucking laughing.

Shaking my head, I scoffed, deciding to take her in good-nature, before I threw the little ferret out of my room.

OK, Bella and I were home and life was slowly getting back to normal, so now what? We couldn't have sex again—or at the very least for a while? The very idea of it made me feel fucking neurotic. I was a horny fucking bastard, sure, but it wasn't just physical. I craved that connection with her; maybe the same way she did. Who the hell knew?

Maybe I just had to let it all go and not think too much about it, but I knew I had to learn to read her more carefully. It wasn't exactly easy, though, since she kept herself pretty much locked up.

I grabbed my cell and sent her a text, **want to do something fun tomorrow, baby?**

**I always have fun with you, silly**, was her reply a minute later.

I was smiling all fucking tenderly to myself before I was aware of it. **Want to see a movie?**

**OK, in the arvo?**

I chuckled, and as if she knew what my reaction was, another text came through from her before I was able to reply.

**Shut up.**

It only increased my laughter. **You're gorgeous, but OK in the arvo.**

**If you're mocking me there will be consequences.**

Fuck it—she was worth every minute of the shit we'd gone through. I loved her!

**...**

She arrived at 3 pm to drive us to Port Angeles, because I was a fucking decrepit still with no license. It didn't mean Mom would allow me to spend any more of the money my father had left me from his life insurance to buy another car when I eventually got my license back. I hadn't brought it up with her. She'd told Alice, Emmett and I, just before we were old enough to drive that we could buy a car, but the rest was for college. But I had to get another car; it was driving me fucking mad without one.

Climbing into Bella's jeep, I pulled her impulsively into my arms to kiss her, then again, parting my mouth further against hers. She threatened to completely conquer me, so with a huge amount of willpower, I pulled back, before dropping my lips to the crook of her neck, releasing my breath. In sync with me, she exhaled, humming softly with it, before turning to kiss me quickly on the cheek.

"What are we going to see?" she asked, murmuring against my skin.

I shrugged, before raising my head to look at her. "You pick," I replied wiping her hair off her face and behind her ear.

She thought about it for a moment. "Hmmm … the vampire one?"

My response was an immediate groan. "Serious, Bella? What is the appeal about that guy anyway?"

"I read the books," she answered as if to convince me. "Okay they kinda sucked, but it's romantic…" she let her voice trail, pulling her bottom lip into her mouth, and smiling at me all coy and fucking sexy.

"Okay," I conceded, my eyes zeroing in to her mouth.

She kissed me again briefly, her lips soft, her mouth slightly apart—completely defeating me in that moment, before turning back to the steering wheel and turning the key in the ignition.

I wondered how she could just pull out of it and go back to life when I was left in shredded fucking ruin.

"What are you wearing, Bella—is that new?" I asked her after a couple of minutes. I'd become transfixed by the way she chewed on her bottom lip as she drove.

She was wearing a t-shirt with a V-neck, revealing just enough of the top part of her breasts that it made me want to grab them.

She glanced down at it quickly before half shrugging. "Yeah, but I'm kinda cold."

She was!

"Did you bring a jacket?" I asked her; I didn't want every asshole ogling her.

She shook her head. "My father bought this for me, and … I guess I didn't want to hurt his feelings by covering it with a jacket."

I felt myself tense, suddenly not liking that shirt on her anymore, despite how it fit on her; pissed off that _The_ _Colonel_ would have his daughter go out cold, because he couldn't pull his head out of his ass long enough to know she wasn't acclimatized to Forks yet.

Glancing sideways at me, her expression furrowed. I'd been sitting fucking scowling to myself and she'd caught me.

"Edward," she breeched, her eyebrows bunching together, "you're doing that face again."

I straightened myself out immediately.

Sorry, Babes. Just thinking," I said quickly, throwing her a too hastily put together grin.

Her lips twitched slightly and as she turned to glance at me her expression lightened. "Did you just call me 'babes'?" she repeated, quirking her eyebrow.

I rolled my eyes, secretly relieved it had shifted the mood. "What? Not allowed?"

"No, it makes me cringe; besides"—she lowered the tone of her voice and turned her attention back to the road; the smile still ghosting over her lips—"Jake calls Ness the same thing."

Fuck me sideways.

"Nice to know I make you cringe, _baby cakes_," I teased her, grabbing her leg and squeezing playfully.

She donged my hand with her fist, before changing gears. "Behave!"

It was pleasing to know that with a sappy word, and a mild mannered amount of groping, I could still kind of charm her.

I was definitely filing that one away.

"What? You don't like me sounding like Jake?" I asked her, continuing before she could reply. "I wuv you, Belly Welly."

She almost choked, a grimace mixing in with her amusement. "Oh my God, Edward. Please don't. That is so cheesy. You'll make me chuck."

"Chuck _Wood_? I asked, teasing her further.

She sighed and shook her head, her usually cynical smile turning warm. "There's no hope for you, Edward," she mumbled softly to herself.

I returned her smile before resting my hand on her leg, squeezing it gently. She placed her right hand over mine, grabbing my fingers, continuing to drive as she chewed absently on her bottom lip, with the barest hint of a smile.

"Okay, let me know when we come to the turn off. I always bloody miss it," Bella said, after a few moments of silence where I was sure the extent of her smile was at the expense of my clammy fingers.

"_Bugger_! You missed it!" I replied, fully feigning seriousness.

Bella immediately turned to me, a flustered expression on her face, before she realized I was joking, and only a split second before I burst into laughter.

"Edward, that's not funny!" she protested, but scowling at me good-naturedly. She whacked me in the chest, and moved to hit me again, before I caught her hand and brought it to my lips.

"I'm sorry, baby," I said, trying to suppress my chuckling. "It's about a mile up ahead."

"You love to mock me, don't you?" she replied, releasing her breath and half rolling her eyes, shaking her head.

"I can't help it; I love your _bogan_ language." I chuckled this time beneath my breath.

Her lips thinned, and she pulled her hand from my grip and pressed her fingers into her brow. "Edward…" she complained with a sigh, "you're making me feel self-conscious."

"I'm sorry," I said gently, deliberately putting too much sap into it, and making the grin twitch to the surface again. Reaching over, I cupped the inside of her upper thigh in my palm, making her almost flinch. "Belly Welly, honey bear?"

She shook her head lightly to herself again, unable to disguise the smile that was growing across her face, or the fact that her face was flushing.

Oh yeah, I had it nailed. I finally knew how to charm Little Miss Stubborn.

**...**

We reached Port Angeles shortly after. Bella found a place to park close to the movie complex, and we jumped out.

"Here, baby, put this on," I said gently, placing my jacket over her shoulders, and gathering her hair from beneath it.

She eagerly slipped into it, before bringing the sleeve to her nose and inhaling.

She seemed to like smelling my jacket...

"Aren't you a sweetheart," she said, snuggling into me as I snaked my arm over her shoulder.

I led her in the direction of the cinema when she stopped me and looked up and down the street as if she was searching for someone. Before I could enquire, she elaborated, "Is there a chemist around here? Alice said there was."

I felt myself immediately grin, though I tried my hardest to conceal it.

"Chemist?" I asked feigning ignorance, though I knew from being in Australia that a Chemist was a drug store.

She huffed, her cheeks flushing deeply for a moment. "Chemist is wrong? Seriously?" She sounded annoyed.

My grin broadened. "What do you need, Bella?"

She opened her mouth to answer, but paused. "It … it's for you as much as it is for me." Her face tinged again.

This piqued my curiosity, and I gazed down at her; she was tugging on her lower lip again. "What is it, baby?"

She released her breath. "I have a prescription for the birth control pill."

For a moment I wasn't sure how to react. My first thoughts were of having sex with her again—completely uncovered, something which immediately caused me a burning hot boner, followed by a freaking new surge in my body temperature.

"You sure? I mean, there's no rush?" What the fuck was I saying? I had to get freaking interfering Alice out of my head.

But Bella only grinned at me wryly. "I'm sure, Edward. I'm the product of a teenage mother. It's not exactly a legacy I want to continue, and …" her tone turned soft, "I wouldn't do that to you either."

My heart suddenly felt flooded. It was fucked up how much I loved her.

"Baby … you know if anything ever happened like that, I'd never leave you?" I'd _never_ abandon her, but I suddenly knew how to deflate my hard ons when I needed to; think about getting Bella pregnant.

A cold shiver ran through me at the prospect.

Her smile turned tender, and a raw emotion seeped into her expression; making her eyes do that haunted shit again. "I know you wouldn't, Edward, but that's why I'm getting this pill, so we're never put in that position," she said, before muttering something further. It was something I think she meant to be under her breath, but it was loud enough for me to catch.

"And so I won't turn into my mother."

I tensed, feeling my jaw clench at the very mention of that trash whore. It was inconceivable that Bella could be _anything _like her.

She immediately realized that I'd heard her, and in an instant her whole demeanor changed. A helplessness came over her expression before she quickly masked it—it reminded me of the Bella when we first arrived in Australia. The Bella that had completely cut me off and out of her life.

I had to distract her, and fast.

"Well, come on then, baby cakes. Let's go and find a _Chemist_," I teased her, lowering my head to nuzzle her neck, before slipping my hand under the jacket, and grabbing one of her tits.

"Edward!" she exclaimed in surprise, trying to keep her voice hushed as her face immediately burned. She quickly pulled my hand away before scoffing to herself, and smiling discreetly.

Fuck, I was good!

We went in search of a drug store, finding one a block away. I paid for her birth control—whipping out a twenty dollar note from my pocket and handing it to the cashier, while Bella rummaged through her purse for the right amount.

I figured I was going to benefit the most from it, so it was the least I could do. Of course, it was worth it alone for how much it frustrated the hell out of her. She spent the entire walk to the cinema insisting on paying me back, and when I kept flatly refusing she tried to shove the money down my front pockets. Though, it kept her thoughts well away from her trailer trash mother; she laughed the whole time.

When we got to the cinema there was already a mile long line for the crappy vampire movie she wanted to see. Unfortunately, it wasn't that large a crowd that it was sold out. I bought two tickets before Bella and I joined the back of the queue.

I grabbed her hand and pulled her against me, before looking down—straight at her cleavage, exposed from that fucking t-shirt _'The General' _had bought her. I immediately went tense, and didn't know whether it was because I was pissed off or horny. She was wearing a black bra; it looked like the same one she'd worn in Sydney...

Bella, ever perceptive, cocked her head, looking up at me, and I had exactly two seconds to straighten out my expression. Her eyebrows were piqued, and before she could tell me I was doing _that face_, or ask me if I was OK, I quickly intercepted her. "I think I'll go and get the popcorn and drinks while we're waiting. What would you like?"

Her brow puckered as she contemplated for a moment. "Um … a lemonade."

I only continued to gaze at her, this time well and truly stumped, and I didn't know how to tell her gently that the cinema didn't sell lemonade. "Erm … a-are you sure you want lemonade?"

Her expression immediately turned cynical and frustrated, and it was all I could do not to openly laugh. I placed my hand over my mouth in the guise of rubbing my chin to prevent her from seeing my reaction, but it was obvious she didn't buy it?

"Lemonade is _wrong_? Are you kidding me?" she huffed. "I've been gone for two weeks, and now I feel like I'm back to my first day in Forks."

Jesus, she was so freaking adorable, and before I could properly smother it, I expelled an amused breath through my nose.

She sighed deeply, breaking into a wry grin and lightly shaking her head to herself, conceding.

"Explain to me what lemonade is in Australia?" I asked, chuckling gently.

"Clear, fizzy…"

Recognition hit me. "Sweetie, do you mean _Sprite?"_

"Sweetie?" she asked skeptically, quirking her eyebrows; her only response.

I released my breath, groaning in feigned frustration before wrapping my elbow around her neck, pulling her to me. "You're killing me here, _baby cakes_. Ok, stay put for a minute, I'll be back with popcorn and _lemonade_." I winked at her, and she elbowed me in the ribs before I could move away.

By the time I'd returned with the snacks, the queue of people was slowly filing into the cinema. I caught up with Bella inside; she'd found us a seat in the far back corner. I sat beside her and passed her drink to her. "One _Sprite_, and they didn't have _Chokito Bars_, honey bear, sorry."

She bit down on her bottom lip, attempting to scowl but breaking into a small smile. "Very funny, Edward—and I told you in Australia that I didn't like Chokito Bars!"

I passed her the bucket of popcorn, and wrapped my arm around her, pulling her closer to me. "I have no idea what a Chokito bar is, baby."

She sighed, conceding again. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Shhh…" I teased her, putting my finger to my lips. The crappy movie was starting.

She only rolled her eyes at me.

I made it through the first twenty minutes before I gave up trying to follow it and decided to take advantage of having Bella next to me in a darkened room.

I kept angling her face toward mine, trying to get her to engage with me, but she stubbornly held me off for the majority of the movie. Eventually, she seemed to surrender, and the combined taste of popcorn, soda and Jujy Fruits on her lips almost made me rabid.

Again, she kissed me with more depth, more intensity, while her hand ran around to the back of my neck, her fingers burying in my hair; completely inundating and awakening me. Every single time she enslaved me; turning me into a sack of horny, drooling impulses just by kissing me. I had no idea whether she had some kind of power of persuasion, or I was just this much of a pussy, but when the lights turned on, her mouth disconnected from mine and she switched off the seduction without seeming to suffer any of the torment that I did.

The problem was that just kissing her was never enough. I wanted all of her all the time.

And I wasn't grieving...

Alice had to be wrong!

We walked out of the cinema, my arm wrapped over her shoulders, completely drunk on her and barely able to control the beast in my pants, while my skin was burning to the surface. Being perpetually on the cusp of arousal was just my reality now that Bella was my girlfriend.

We drove back to Forks where Bella dropped me home. She switched off the ignition and turned to me; her eyes dark and endless in the dimness of dusk.

"Later, Alligator," she said gently, leaning toward me.

I met her half way, cupping her face in my palms and kissing her tenderly but briefly before I released her. I couldn't allow her to conquer me again, or I'd have to seriously whack off in the shower, and Emmett was astutely aware of things like that.

"While, Crocodile," I replied, my voice low and husky—already completely affected by her. I kissed her once more on her partially open mouth, and then jumped out of her jeep before my impulses took control and I dragged her into the backseat.

I walked to the porch, turning around to see her car retreating down the driveway before opening the front door and stepping inside.

"Oh, there you are, sweetheart. Were you out with Bella?" Mom asked me, coming over to me and wiping something off my face with her licked fingers.

"Yeah," I replied, wanting to cringe away from her and make a hasty retreat for my room before she could recall the meaning of _root_ again.

"I ran into her father today—lovely man. He and Bella are joining us tomorrow for Dinner."

Fuck!

* * *

_**A/N: So you know your poison; lurk, review, flame, pm, flounce...**_


	45. Misconceptions

**A/N: I know this has been a shitty angsty story at times, but I promise after three years in the making it WILL be a HEA.**

* * *

**Chapter 44**

**Misconceptions**

**Bella's POV**

Edward made his intentions for the dinner clear from very early on; he did not like my father and he was determined to make him—and everyone that was sitting around the dining table—aware of it. But what wasn't so apparent to me, and infinitely worse than Edward just not liking him, was the fact that he also blamed Charlie for my upbringing, for Renee—for all of it.

And he didn't shy away from telling him so.

To be fair, I _knew_ Edward didn't like my father. I wasn't completely naïve, and as much as I wanted to keep my head safely buried in the sand, I knew Edward felt this way from the moment he saw Charlie at Port Angeles airport, but that's as far as it went. I had no idea just how deeply his feelings, or misconceptions went.

In hindsight I _should_ have known. The look he'd given Charlie was identical to the one he'd given me on my first day at Forks High when he thought I had wrongly attacked Alice. Only this time it wasn't Alice he was protecting, it was me._ That_ I was aware of, and yet I did nothing—I said nothing. I didn't know how to bring it up without ruining this deluded, post-Australian-Edward utopia that I was desperately trying to hang on to.

Just like I had always done when I didn't want to confront something, I pretended it wasn't happening. If only I'd had the spine to resolve it before it reached boiling point, it all could have been avoided, but my cowardice had aided and abetted every disaster with Edward since I'd met him—from the afternoon after condom testing, to Edward's accident, and to finally what had happened between Edward and my father tonight.

The more things changed, the more they stayed the same…

I'd felt sick all day. I _knew _Edward; I knew how he would react. He didn't contact me all day, and if it wasn't for one of my failed attempts at bringing the issue of my father up with him on the eleventh hour, I wouldn't have been sure he was even aware that the dinner was taking place.

**See you tonight**, I had texted to him after deliberating for forty minutes on the idea of pleading with him to let whatever was fuelling him go—if just for tonight.

**Yeah**, was all he had replied with, and from that moment on I knew it was going to be bad.

Bad? I _wish _it had gone bad. Bad would have been a success story next to the complete disaster that had taken place.

…

**Well, at least you now know my two dumbass middle names**, Edward messaged me as I rode home afterwards with a murderous looking Charlie.

"Fuck you!" I blurted aloud in response, earning a glare from my father in the process. I ignored him, and while trembling with anger, I attempted to relay it through text message back to him. Of course, my stupid phone auto corrected it to read "Duck you".

I switched it off.

Yes, I now knew his two middle names. Esme had hollered them across the table at him. "EDWARD ANTHONY MASEN CULLEN! You are _so_ grounded, Mister!"

I knew it was one of his lame attempts to appease me, but there would be no appeasing me, nor would groping me and teasing me about my accent gain him any leeway; not this time.

I felt absolutely wretched. As much as I felt burdened by at least half the blame, I was so irately mad at Edward that I was physically shaking. But, at the same time, I knew it was everything my heart and lungs were doing to prevent me from bursting into tears. I fought to stave them off at the bare minimum, and only because I refused point-blank to cry in front of Charlie.

In the end, the sheer force of emotion I was struggling with overpowered all my resolve, and as I sat in the steely tense company of my father, tears silently streaked my face.

"What is the matter with you, Isabella?" he suddenly barked out in the small confinement of my truck. He wasn't enquiring about the obvious presence of my tears. In fact, I doubt he was even aware of them.

When I didn't answer he continued, "You left Australia to get away from the negative influence of your mother, and I send you here and you automatically find the most destructive person in town."

I opened my mouth impulsively to immediately defend Edward, when I promptly closed it again.

Destructive? Was that what he was? I wouldn't have used that exact word to describe him. Unpredictable, volatile and irrationally over protective—_that's_ how I'd describe him.

But he was also sweet, caring and incredibly selfless.

Fresh tears spilled down my face, blurring my vision and plunging me headlong into complete misery. I didn't fight them or try to conceal them from Charlie, and this time he was well aware of them. It only seemed to incense him more, and so, for the short drive home, I listened to him rage on about Edward, letting his words sink in and cement in my mind. It destroyed all my anger, and filled me with a heart wrenching truth. As much as every fiber within me wanted to defend Edward, to tell my father about the Edward in Australia and what he'd done for me, I didn't. Because I feared_ that_ Edward didn't exist any longer; that he never had.

Charlie pulled my truck to a stop beside Jacob's Volkswagen, switched off the engine, and turned to look at me. "Your uncle told me that not long ago this _boyfriend_ of yours got drunk and almost killed himself—but I gave you the benefit of the doubt, believing that people make mistakes and you were a smart girl. _Now,_ I find out that this kid is the same kid that put your cousin Jacob in the hospital. So, what I'm wondering now is what exactly have you been thinking these last several months? Is this some kind of psychology for you?"

Again, I opened my mouth, but I had no words. Instead, inhaling back my tenuous emotion, and attempting to wipe my face dry, I turned my head and met his razor-sharp gaze. His hard intimidating eyes held mine, resonating with an unforgiving disappointment, and I was immediately engulfed by a sense of shame.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. It was all I knew what to say, but it was true. I was so sorry that _my boyfriend_ had treated him so terribly.

"You're _smarter_ than this, and you're better than that wise ass, disrespectful little punk! If I ever see him again I'll knock that chip off his shoulder whether his mother is there to protect him or not!" Were Charlie's last seething words before he got out of the truck, slamming the door so hard that the entire cabin shook violently, making me fear the windscreen would shatter.

I followed meekly behind him, feeling my blood run cold by his last admission. If truth be told, I really thought he would do something to Edward tonight despite both Esme and Carlisle's presence. Instead, in the face of Edward's tirade of accusations, Charlie slammed both of his fists down on the table, startling the whole party into silence, before he rose deliberately to his feet. He glared at Edward with so much disgust and anger that I held my breath in fear.

"I think you've said quite enough, young man," Charlie spoke lowly, his jaw muscles clenching, making it obvious that his words were also a direct warning.

And Edward being Edward only blatantly snorted. "I haven't said even half as much as you deserve."

"Edward—STOP!" I yelled, interjecting what I was almost certain was going to be a physical retaliation on my father's part. "Just, please … stop!" My voice broke, and I took a hasty breath in to prevent the tears I could feel building.

An emotion had flickered across Edward's face and immediately his trajectory changed. It was as if he'd suddenly realized the enormity of his actions. His eyes widened, and he blinked and opened his mouth to speak, but seemed to stutter. I tore my eyes from his, not wanting him to see how vulnerable and defeated I was feeling, when The General grabbed my arm.

"I think we'll call it a night," he spoke in a rough, hostile tone to Mrs Cullen—making me want to cringe—before he began pulling me along with him as we left the room, and eventually the house.

Before we were out of earshot Esme let loose on Edward, and the response from him startled me. "You have no fucking clue—none of you!"

As my father continued to pull me through the door and towards my car, my heart began to quicken in a fearful disbelief. This was not the Edward I knew, but then maybe I didn't know Edward at all.

…

Charlie entered the house several steps ahead of me and slammed the door behind him, leaving me remaining outside. So, wanting nothing but to avoid the inquisition I was sure to face the moment I followed him in the house, I sat down on the doorstep, buried my face in my hands, and surrendered myself to the absolute inevitable.

This façade of a new beginning that I had been so careful to create was well and truly crumbling around me, and again on the other side of the world, thousands of miles from Renee, I was still the same person making the same mistakes, having learned, seemingly, nothing. And the one person who helped me conquer the syndrome of my mother was now the one turning my life into turmoil; the one hurting me most.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed when I realized Jacob was sitting beside me; I was too lost in misery and with it, the pitiful realization of deja vu. After all, how many nights had I spent in this same position, pathetically fetal and feeling like everything was beyond my control, back in Australia?

"Jeez, Bells, you know I'm gonna have to kick his ass, don't you?" Jake said with a pitiful tenderness towards me as he slung his giant arm around me, pulling me close to him.

I couldn't respond; I didn't know what to say. I was torn down the middle between Edward and my father, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find a neutral place to comfort me; not without tearing my heart in two. It was a hopeless situation, and one that was destined to cause me heart ache and not much else.

I nodded pathetically, incoherently, and pressed myself further into the warmth of his arms, noticing only the fact that his skin wasn't as warm as Edward's, and feeling emptier because of it.

"In a way I kind of understand, even Uncle Charlie does, you know. I heard him tell Dad that he thought Cullen had—,"

"_Edward_," I immediately corrected him. It was more of an impulse than anything else.

"Edward," Jake repeated, and I could hear the eye roll in his tone before he continued, "he said he thought _Edward _had guts and that he obviously loved you, but surely he knew about your dad, Bells?"

It was a question that immediately snapped me out of my stupor.

What did Edward know about my father? I had let him know all about my mother, but my father?

"I-I didn't really talk about Charlie with Edward…" I let the sentence fade away as my mind quickly raced over every conversation I'd had with Edward in Australia.

We hadn't had a single conversation where The General was concerned, so where had Edward come to his conclusions?

With sudden resolve I pulled myself from Jake's arms and stood up. I had to fully understand Edward's mindset—I _had_ to fix this.

I walked inside and quickly scaled the stairs to my room. Charlie and Uncle Billy were in the kitchen, no doubt discussing me and my abysmal choice of boyfriend. While I couldn't change the events that had taken place tonight, I knew there was a way I could redeem it—it was still salvageable. The General might never like Edward, and Edward he, but if I could get them to both understand each other's perspective…

I closed my bedroom door behind me and hastily turned my phone back on. It immediately alerted me to five missed calls and ten text messages from Edward, and three missed calls from Alice.

Alice.

Ignoring Edward for the time being, I quickly called Alice back.

"Oh my God, Bella—I can't believe Edward—Mum is going ballistic, and he—he's gone off the rails—oh my God, are you okay? Bella—I'm so sorry—are you ok? I'm so sorry!" Alice gushed out hastily before I had a chance to speak, sounding genuinely rattled. This was just moments before I heard the muffled voice of Edward in the background, and Alice holler in reply, "Edward, NO—I won't give you the phone!"

In a panic, I hung up.

I called back a couple of minutes later, when my heart had calmed down to a point where I was functional again.

"Hi Bella—I locked my door. I'm sorry about before. Are you ok?" she was whispering this time, her voice remaining full of uneasiness.

"I'm ok, Alice. Sorry I didn't call you back earlier; I turned my phone off," I explained, letting out the breath I'd been all but holding in when there was no repeat of Edward in the background.

She scoffed, creating a static, white noise sound over the phone. "No need to apologise. I completely understand."

"Alice, I have to know—what does he know about my father—we barely talked about him. Did Nummi or Rach say anything to him?" I asked.

There was a pause before Alice answered, sounding unsure, "He was mentioned more in passing. Like, for example, I asked if he'd ever come to visit you, and Carol mentioned that he had a couple of times—Bella, like usual, Edward has presumed everything and acted on impulse, but I think this time he realises…" Her voice turned soft, remorseful—as usual. It seemed to be a prominent emotion whenever Alice referred to Edward.

I shook my head to myself. "I should have brought it up. I could see he was stewing over it," I mumbled, massaging my brow with my fingertips.

If I'd just spoken to him! Communication—we were supposed to be working on it. Every disaster between us was due to the lack of it.

I groaned out loud.

"Bella, Edward isn't a little boy, he has to learn to friggen think before he acts"—Edward's obscured voice suddenly interjected again, and Alice immediately responded—"yes, I'm telling Bella exactly what a douche you are, Edward!"

Oh God…

"Alice, I'd better go." I sighed. No matter what the circumstances were tonight, my defence mechanism regarding Edward was starting to kick in, but I knew I couldn't speak to him until I could start thinking rationally—without letting my emotions get the better of me.

Alice breathed brashly into the receiver. "Mum told him that he wasn't emotionally mature enough to be in an adult relationship with you, and he lost it. He's so angry, but he's also upset. I know he's completely freaking out of control, but his sense of protection of you, Bella, is what's fuelling him."

Her words were like a blow straight into my chest that quickly began burning through me. I nodded, struggling with my emotion. "I know ..." I spoke in a fractured whisper that immediately broke.

"Oh, Bella, please don't—I could kill him!"

But it was too late. I was sobbing, and Alice right along with me.

Before I hung up, Alice had insistently decided on coming over to spend the night with me, and I was secretly relieved. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep a wink with the weight of this on my mind, and Alice knew Edward better than anyone else. She could help me decide what the hell I was supposed to do next.

After hastily washing my face in the hall bathroom, I went back downstairs where I found Uncle Billy and Charlie still in the kitchen speaking together lowly. They both looked over to me when I entered the room, and as Charlie's eyes fixed on mine they were continuing to burn with anger and disappointment. Shying reflexively from him, I met the sedate, sympathetic gaze of my Uncle.

Clearing the lingering emotion from my throat, I spoke up sounding meek and pitiful, "Uncle Billy, would it be okay if Alice spent the night?"

"That's fine, Bella," he replied using a tone that emphasized tenderness, giving me a small smile.

After saying goodnight to them both, I retreated back to my room, hearing The General ask as I was half way up the stairs, "Is that girl anything like her brother?"

I closed my door, resting my back against it and sighing heavily. My father had this incredible ability to make me feel like I had failed in every sense of the word, and embed in me this horrible shame that felt like it was eating me from the inside out.

My phone buzzed, and reluctantly I dragged myself to my bed and picked it up. I had seven missed messages from Edward; in the five minutes that I'd been out of my room, Edward had messaged me a further seven times.

Taking a dejected breath, I clicked open his messages before I could talk myself out of it.

**Bella, please call me. We have to talk about this. Please don't let this end us. Please, baby.**

It impacted me immediately, and I switched my phone back off, rubbing my forehead roughly with the heel of my palm to hold off the emotion that was suddenly aching in my forehead again.

"Bloody hell, Edward…" I muttered bleakly to myself.

I couldn't respond to him until I was positive my head was controlling my heart and I could remain rational, but the notion of "ending us" over what had happened hadn't really crossed my mind. As much as I was angry with Edward—lividly angry with him—I knew deep down his actions weren't an attack on my father as much as they were about his brand of gallantry. He loved me enough to stand up to my father—even if his preconceptions regarding him were stemmed from his experiences with my mother. Still, the only person who had ever stood up for me like this before was Kel, and as much as I loved her, it was as much as I loved Edward…

**...**

By the time Alice arrived, I wasn't as affected by the night's events as much as I was determinedly resolved to fix it. But with Alice came the reality of the situation, of the validation of Edward's unpredictability; and of how much our relationship was lacking

"How can I hate him, Alice? Everything he did was in defence of me," I burst after the verity of Alice's assertions began to put me in a melancholy mood.

"I know!" she agreed passionately. "He does it _all_ for you, and it makes it so darn hard to be angry at him!"

I released my breath in one long, drawn out, wavering sigh. "It seems like a hopeless mess. How am I ever going to get The General to understand things from Edward's point of view—or Edward from his?"

Alice made a soft nasally sound, and when I looked up she was smiling at me. "It's so cute how you call him The General, Bella." I felt my cheeks tinge, but before I could elaborate on it, Alice continued—in a more delicate tone, "I've heard you call him The General and Charlie, but never … _Dad_…"

I opened my mouth to answer but closed it again as I contemplated it. I shrugged. "I guess that's because he isn't really—in-in the organic sense."

Alice nodded and then breached gently, "I think Edward picked up on that too."

My breath caught at the back of my throat; it was a revelation that almost physically jolted me. "Of course he would…" I agreed in resignation, groaning, before I dropped my head into my palms. "Oh my God … this is all my fault."

"Of course it isn't, Bella!" Alice snapped sounding suddenly impatient. I looked back up and into her blazing eyes. She looked genuinely pissed. "Just because you chose not to disclose everything about your father doesn't mean Edward had the right to make his own conclusions and act upon it. This is all his fault, and he's got to start realising the consequences of his actions—and you, Bella, have to stop taking responsibility for everything he does!"

I shook my head as a nervous energy began to grow in my chest. "At the prom we agreed we'd work on our communication, and I know for my part I haven't."

Alice sighed and shook her head more or less to herself. "Bella, come on. He could have easily asked you about your father. _That's_ the sort of thing you do to work on communication."

I gripped my forehead in frustration, feeling the ridges that were creasing it with my fingers. "I knew, Alice—all along, I knew. I knew he had come to his own conclusions about my father, but … but … things were starting to creep back."

Alice's brow puckered in confusion. "What was creeping back?"

"Old Edward—unpredictable Edward; the Edward from before the accident, who you never know how he'll react to something at any given minute." And pathetically I broke down again, managing to get out the rest between sobs. "The Edward that scares the hell out of me."

"Bella," Alice hedged with a gentle—almost pitifully so—tone, "that isn't old Edward, that's _Edward_."

* * *

**A/N: MWAH for reading. You're doing better than me; I've flounced this fic multiple times.**

**I'll shut up now...**


	46. Crossroads

**A/N: Charlie gets explained from Bella's pov...**

* * *

**Chapter 45**

**Crossroads**

**Bella's POV**

I didn't sleep a wink—even if Alice's snoring would have allowed it. I couldn't get her words out of my head, and it presented me with a very obvious, but no less, angst ridden question. Did I even know Edward at all?

I'd spent the last six months of my life trying to work him out, but it seemed all I had really done was refuse to accept him for who he really was. The amazing, selfless person he was during our two weeks in Australia was the same hot-headed, unpredictable person he was tonight.

This is who he is!

I'd fully embraced what I loved about him, but had refused to acknowledge what I didn't. Maybe if I had, I could have prevented what had happened with him and my father. I could have intercepted him before it came to this.

I could have made him understand Charlie, even in the barest sense of the word.

Okay, so I'd fucked it up again with my pathological refusal to accept certain brutal truths, but I refused to accept that I couldn't somehow redeem it all.

I had to.

At around 5:00am I realised sleep was futile and got up to caffeinate myself. Besides, Alice was vocalising what I'm sure was an erotic dream about Jazz and I was eager to get away before the details got any more graphic.

She spoke in her sleep more than Edward…

When I shuffled half blind into the kitchen and flipped on the light, I was confronted by Uncle Billy. Sucking in my breath violently, I almost jumped out of my skin. He was sitting at the breakfast table in the dim, predawn light.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," he spoke softly, flashing me a warm smile, "I like to watch the sunrise. Come and take a seat." He pulled out the chair beside him.

Releasing my breath, I sat down, clamped my hands in my lap before reluctantly looking up to meet his gaze. My father always made me feel miniscule, even more so after the events of last night, but Uncle Billy always had a calm, sedate air about him. Even still, I feared he was about to reproach me.

"Your father wants me to stop you from seeing Edward after he's gone," he said seriously, gauging me steadily while my heart sank like a rock.

I dropped my head to my hand, sighing heavily and fighting to keep it beneath my breath. "After last night, I can't say I'm surprised."

"I'm not going to, Bella."

I looked back up at him, taken aback.

He elaborated, "You're almost eighteen; I can't tell you who you can and can't be friends with. And look, while I've seen enough of Edward to want you to stay away from him, I also know he's not a bad kid. He really has to learn some impulse control, but I can't fault him for fighting for you, Bella. Even your father can't."

My chest swelled with an immediate sense of hope. I nodded, unable to speak for a moment as I combated the tears that were steadily welling in my eyes—bloody drama queen that I was.

I failed.

Billy pulled out a handkerchief from his dressing gown pocket and handed it to me, his smile turning affectionate.

I quickly dried my face, continuing to nod—if only to get control of myself. "He isn't _bad_, Uncle Billy. I mean, he drives me _crazy_, but he isn't bad."

"Of course he isn't," he replied gently. "Mrs Cullen called last night—she wanted to get my okay about Alice spending the night initially, but she asked to speak to your father. She apologised for Edward's behaviour and attempted to explain what brought about his outburst," he paused, seeming to gauge my reaction.

I only nodded, afraid suddenly to take a breath.

"It seems Edward was affected by what he witnessed of your life in Australia, and with the absence of your father for most of your life, he blames him in part for what you went through."

I nodded again, releasing my bated breath into a deep sigh and feeling my shoulders fall in sync with my heart. "I shouldn't have let him go," I mumbled more or less to myself.

"Bella, you needed support, and I was actually quite relieved to know Alice was accompanying you—Edward ... not so much, but no father wants his daughter thousands of miles away in another country with her boyfriend." He threw me a quick grin, while my heart quite literally flooded.

He was referring to me as his daughter...

I only nodded for the third time, quicker this time, and feeling meek and ridiculous as more tears began to build in my throat. I could only smile at him, emotion threatening to get the better of me.

Uncle Billy smiled back, tenderly, before taking a measured breath and continuing, "Edward's huge reaction to your father is proof he has some pretty strong feelings for you, Bella, but he can't possibly understand your father's situation with you. He doesn't realise that people do the best with the circumstances they're handed. Your father was faced with incredible limitations—something I can tell you has kept him up at night for most of your life."

Again, all I could do was nod, beginning to feel inundated by the honesty of what my Uncle was saying to me, and feeling more and more torn over Edward and Charlie.

I'd put too much on Edward's shoulders in Australia; I realised this now. He'd become caught up in the cataclysm that was my life—how did I expect him to react to Charlie? And my father ... I was always made aware that he loved me, but I never knew the heart ache he suffered at the situation he was faced with.

Fresh, silent tears slipped down my cheeks as I brooded over it, searching for a simple answer, while knowing there was only one thing I had to do. I had to go and see Edward today and make him understand my father's perspective, and then I had to do the same with Charlie regarding Edward.

With a sudden growing resolve, I wiped my eyes and looked up into Billy's caring, staid gaze. "What did Charlie say to Mrs Cullen?" I asked.

"She asked him if he would meet with Edward again, but your father isn't terribly keen on it. He's thinking about it, though."

My heart expanded further with growing optimism, until I could feel the warm smile penetrating my face as my shoulders began to relax. "Thank you, Uncle Billy," I said softly.

"You're welcome, sweetheart," he replied gently, before he pulled up, as if suddenly recalling something. "Bella, where did Edward get the idea that there are no baby photos of you?"

I half shrugged in resignation. "There aren't," I mumbled.

"Bella …" his tone was almost surprised, instantly drawing my attention, "of course there is." I only stared at him, when he abruptly stood up, pushing the air roughly through his nose. "Come on, follow me," he instructed.

He led me to the hallway closet where, after ruffling around and beneath various stored objects, he pulled out an old battered looking photo album. Blowing the dust off the cover, he opened it to allow me to see.

On the first page was a hospital photo of a sleeping, dark haired new born baby with the inscription filled in with pen on a pink card below it.

**Rocherrie District Hospital**

**Isabella Marie Swan**

**September 13th 1995, 2:27 pm**

**6 pounds 11 ounces.**

I drew in my breath, staring down at this photo in absolute disbelief and trying desperately to recognise myself in the face of the baby. I had never seen baby photos of me to compare—to make a connection!

Uncle Billy turned the page, revealing the first photos of Charlie holding a tiny bundle in a pink blanket. Some were at the hospital, with Renee looking sullen in the background, while others were in the drab surroundings of her house, and in all of the photos Charlie gazed down at the baby in his arms with an expression of unfathomable awe.

Page after page, revealed more photos documenting the chubby, dark haired baby's growth. In several, Charlie appeared holding her, but most were of the baby alone; sitting in a bouncing chair, gnawing on her fist with a smile lit up behind it; sitting up on a blanket wearing a pink singlet and cloth nappy, looking like she was laughing at something beyond the photographer; standing up against Renee's ratty looking lounge, beginning to explore her surroundings with a look of stubborn determination on her face; sitting in a stroller eating an ice-cream that covered her face as it dripped down her arm. And the more she grew, the more I recognised myself in her. Photos of first steps, with Santa; birthdays; of her smiling, sleeping, playing. Photos of her first day of school, and school class photos. Photos of her and Charlie at the airport, and sleeping against Charlie's chest on the plane; of her and seven year old Jacob building a snowman; photos of her, Kel, Nummi and Rach; Photos of her and her teddy bear…

There were even photos when I was older, not long before I left for the US; of me sitting at the kitchen table doing my homework; sitting on the front veranda with the sun on my face glancing out into the distance; curled up on my bed reading a book. I had no recollection of Renee or anyone ever taking these photos of me; and in none of them—not one—was there any evidence of the abuse I'd suffered. No cuts or bruises, no marks. It was as if my entire life as I knew it had been erased. As if I had imaged it all, but it was all there, seventeen years of my life documented. A history I had no idea existed.

As I absorbed each and every photo, insatiably almost, I was sobbing, hopelessly, desperately, blurring my vision from a new enlightenment; a new reality. The reality that I had been loved; my life cherished and collected by my father.

"I-I-I have never seen any of these before," I stammered, wiping my face clumsily, unable to tear my eyes from the photos on the pages.

There was a pause, and although I didn't turn in his direction, I felt Billy's demeanour change. I glanced over to him; his expression had gone tense, while his eyes remained sympathetic. "Your … mother used to sell them to Charlie," he explained to me, regrettably.

I froze for a moment allowing myself to absorb his meaning, before I scoffed—almost laughing bitterly. "Of course she did," I muttered.

No wonder there wasn't a single bruise that covered my body in any of the photos. Renee had been orchestrating it all for profit. She hadn't been taking photos of me in the sense that a normal parent would, but to make money from them, and the child in the photos had eagerly gone a long with it, unwittingly, never knowing, but needing and craving attention from her mother nevertheless. Even if it was all an act.

I was suddenly recalling a memory when I was around six or seven. Renee had bought me a new dress, which she put on me before roughly combing my knotted and wayward hair into two pony tails. She'd then dragged me into the back yard where she ordered me to smile, telling me my father wanted photos of me. She knew at any mention of Charlie my face would light up, and she took full advantage of it.

I never saw the dress again after that day.

I closed my eyes as tears continued to spill from beneath them, feeling completely flooded by the existence of these photos, while the bitter truth of my mother tainting them was a constant reminder.

I felt Billy's hand come to a rest on my shoulder and squeeze gently. "Your father would have paid anything to have these, Bella. To have that connection with you when you were so far away."

I nodded, while his gentle reassuring words made my face crumble further from the continued realisation that was threatening to overwhelm me. The realisation—the validation of how important I was in my father's life, despite his absence from mine. That I was loved in a way that I never believed was possible for me.

Billy had closed the album and placed it in my arms. "Take this and keep it in your room, and when you're reminded of your old life, look at the photos inside and know that while your mother might not have loved you, your father always has."

I nodded, looking up at him again. "Uncle Billy?" I breeched, taking a long wavering breath. When he nodded once, I continued, "_I _told Edward there were no photos of me."

He only nodded again in resignation. "It isn't your fault, Bella. I had no idea that you had no idea this album existed."

With the photo album secured in my arm, I threw my other around the neck of my uncle, placing a clumsy kiss on his cheek. "Thank you, Uncle Billy," I whispered, allowing him to squeeze me in response before I released myself.

**...**

When Billy left to get ready for work, I made my way back to my bedroom. Crawling into bed beside a still mumbling Alice, I opened the album and poured over each and every photo. I found the picture from the memory I'd had; of me wearing the blue sailor dress and smiling widely for my father.

I released my breath into a huge gush that caused Alice to stir. It was as if I was looking at an alternate universe of my life, but I was soon brought back down to earth by my baby photos. They were real. I'd been a chubby, happy baby, and it made me consider the very real idea that maybe Renee, once upon a time, _had_ loved me.

I went back to studying the photos, almost becoming obsessed with finding evidence of when my life had changed, when my mother had abandoned me to resentment and alcohol. It was around the age of three or four when I began noticing a trend in the photos, that in spite of the smile on my face, my eyes had begun to appear withdrawn and detached. I also began noticing the almost healed cuts and bruises that aligned my body in several photos. I doubted Charlie would have even noticed; after all what kid doesn't get bumps and scrapes…?

Amongst the collection of baby photos were two nearly identical poses of me sitting outside, wearing a pink polka dot sunhat, and smiling widely. Carefully pealing the plastic back, I removed one of the photos, then crept out of bed and placed it in a compartment in my bag. When I turned back around, Alice was awake and staring down at the photo album with a sleepy kind of confusion, rubbing her eyes. "Is this ... you ... Bella?"

I nodded and sat back down on the bed. "Yeah," I replied, motioning for her to look through them.

When she was finished, the smile she'd had on her face as she'd inspected every photo, soon gave way to confusion again. "I-I thought … I mean Edward said … and."

I nodded quickly in understanding. "I know. I had no idea this album even existed until an hour ago."

Her confusion only seemed to increase. "But … how…?" she began delicately, but seemed to let it go.

I elaborated, feeling my face prickle with a sense of shame. "My mother took all these ... to sell to my father. She never kept any herself."

Alice immediately balked, her eyes widening. "Oh my God…" she whispered, more in resignation than in disbelief, shaking her head softly to herself.

I half shrugged, awkwardly, and dropped my gaze to the album; it was left open on the last page. I was sitting on top of Kel's horse, half smiling, where the shadow cast from the helmet I was wearing stealthily hid the bruise on my cheekbone.

"Are you going to show Edward?" Alice asked me, tactfully, after a moment.

I released my breath before turning to her. "I don't know, but I'm going to see him and talk to him today."

"I hope you make him suffer, Bella," Alice said wryly. "No falling for his charms."

I smiled ironically, scoffing the air through my nose. "Easier said than done," I muttered only half beneath my breath.

**...**

Alice left at midday to meet Jazz, and I followed her as far as the turn off to the street the Hales lived on before I continued out of Forks. I hadn't contacted Edward to let him know I was coming, but since Alice had told me that Esme had grounded him for the rest of his natural life, I was fairly confident he wouldn't be out. I had planned on texting him, but as soon as I switched my phone on this morning I was bombarded by twenty seven more missed messages, eight voice messages and fourteen missed phone calls. It had upset me so much that it almost broke my resolve, though Alice insisted that it was good that I made him stew on the consequences of his actions.

I knew I was partially responsible, despite Alice's impatient assurances that it was all Edward. I had allowed Edward into my life; I'd let him see all my demons, all without ever fully explaining a thing to him. On numerous occasions in Australia—and before—he'd tried to bring up my father, but I had always swayed the topic away. What other conclusion did I expect him to make?

My pride had led to this.

With my stomach a mass of nervous energy, I knocked on the Cullens' front door. It opened a moment later by Esme, who smiled at me with a sedate expression on her face.

"Hello, Bella," she said softly with a small sigh, opening the door for me.

"Hi, Mrs Cullen," I replied, before she took me warmly but briefly into her arms. I tensed, I couldn't prevent it; it was still an inherent reflex with me, despite how much it frustrated me.

"Edward is in his room," she spoke gently, and when I met her eyes they appeared to be swimming with a sense of weariness.

I was positive she must have thought I was a terrible influence on him.

I only flashed her an awkward kind of smile before nodding.

With my heart thudding loudly and sluggishly with each step I took, I scaled the stairs on shaky legs to Edward's room. Stopping outside his door to collect myself, I took a huge breath before knocking.

It swung open a fraction of a second later, and clearly by the look on Edward's face he'd been expecting anyone but me. His expression immediately smoothed out with surprise, turning almost beseeching. "B-Bella..."

"Can we talk?" I asked softly, feeling myself almost instantaneously weaken under his gaze. As usual he looked like he was being assaulted by several emotions at once; the primary one being hope.

He nodded quickly, moving aside for me to enter his room, his hand running back over his head to the nape of his neck.

When he closed the door he turned toward me, but he didn't speak a word; instead with his hand still remaining at the back of his head, he bit down on the inside of his bottom lip, sucking in his cheeks as his gaze locked to the floor.

"Edward..." I gauged him, only to fight the urge to smile when his eyes met mine, "you're doing that face again."

A smile immediately lit up across his face, all askew and toothy, before his breath gushed from him. He closed the distance between us in two steps before, almost roughly, pulling me against him. "I'm sorry, baby," he whispered, wrapping his arms tighter around me.

I nodded before pressing my face against his chest, inhaling him in as I steeled myself for what I had to say to him. "I know. I am too," I whispered.

I felt his lips drop to the top of my head, and his breath wash over me before he spoke, "You've got nothing to be sorry about, Bella. I'm just a fucking prick—I should never have put you in the middle like that."

I pulled from his arms, feeling the warmth of his skin immediately leave mine, and shook my head. "No, Edward. I should have explained Charlie to you before this had a chance of happening."

He notably tensed, his brow puckering into a frown, but he didn't reply; instead, he shrugged.

I knew he wasn't going to be very receptive towards it—he was possibly the most stubborn person I knew—but I had to make him see, to understand—even to empathise with my father.

"Edward ... what you believe about my father, it isn't accurate—at all." I wanted to sound confident and assertive but all I managed to come across as was desperate—desperate for him to believe me.

And of course Edward's only response was to scoff.

I immediately huffed, becoming impatient. "Are you going to listen, or are you going to be your usual arrogant self?"

I half expected him to smirk—that was his usual response whenever I was pissed off—but this time he didn't; he seemed frustrated, almost irritated. "I can't stand here, Bella, while you defend him."

I felt my expression darken. "Like you wouldn't let me defend myself that day after condom testing in Bio?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, like that was the same thing."

"It's _exactly_ the same thing—you thinking you know something you DON'T!" I burst, fighting to keep my sudden anger under control.

How the hell could I love someone who made me so mad?

Again he didn't smirk, or give me the amused-by-my-accent smile; he folded his arms across his chest snorting to himself cynically. "Bella, Rach told me you used to do this your entire life—defend your mother, despite everything she did to you."

This jolted me, and I froze, suddenly so angry I began shaking. Taking an unsteady breath, I began, my tone low and trembling, "Just because you spent two weeks in Australia with my friends, and witnessed ten minutes of my mother doesn't mean you know _FUCK ALL ABOUT MY LIFE_!" I yelled, before turning swiftly away from him, my chest tight and heaving as I angrily swatted the tears from my eyes. "Fuck you, Edward."

"Great," was all I heard him mutter from behind me.

I turned back to him, rigid and rapidly losing my composure. "I never asked you to be my knight in shining armour!"

For the briefest moment his expression piqued before it immediately hardened. "What the hell do you want from me, Bella? Not to give a shit about you? No one has _ever_ been your knight in shining armour—that's your whole problem."

"The only problem I have is YOU. I don't know you at all—and now it's clear to me why I NEVER WANTED TO!" I was yelling again, completely losing control, while angry tears continued to well in my eyes. I took two steps toward the door, ready to push past him, when he reached out and grabbed me, stopping me from taking a further step.

I tried to shrug him off, but he held me tighter. "Okay, _fine, Bella_. Tell me exactly how I've got it wrong about your father. I want to hear it." His tone was seeped with sarcasm.

"Let me go!" I demanded, struggling further against him.

He did, before he burst, "Just FUCKING TELL ME!"

"Why? So you can ridicule me—patronise me?" I attempted to elbow him out of the way, but he seemed to anticipate me.

Stepping away from me, he leaned up against his door folding his arms again, cockily, completely blocking me from leaving. "You came here to _explain your father,_ so do it already! I'm not letting you leave until you do."

"You are such an asshole!" I huffed.

This time he did smirk, putting some of that damn bloody charm into it for good measure.

I felt myself waver, my anger instantly threatening to dissolve. It aggravated the hell out of me—knowing I was so bloody impressionable around him. I spun around with my back facing him, raging to myself as I began to pace back and forth.

How could I make him see…?

Then it came to me.

Turning back to him, I began, my anger and sudden determination helping to embolden me this time. "Imagine you played for the major leagues—"

He interjected, snorting his breath arrogantly through his nose. "I've donated my bone marrow, I have half a spleen—there's no chance that will ever happen."

"Hypothetically!" I snapped. "You play for the major leagues, and your team won the championships and you all went to—New Zealand for a trip to celebrate. Then one night, Rob was throwing a party in his hotel room and you met Jessica Stanley. You were drunk and the two of you had sex—"

For the second time he interrupted me. "I never did anything with Jessica Stanley." He wasn't being arrogant this time; he was declaring his innocence.

"HYPOTHETICALLY!" I screeched out, making him flinch. "You have sex with Jessica Stanley, and then two weeks later, before you're about to return home to America, Jessica tells you she's pregnant," I paused, raising an eyebrow and gauging his reaction.

Recognition had taken hold of his expression. He was realising where I was going.

I continued before he could interrupt again. "What would you do, Edward?" I demanded, my tone becoming sarcastic. "Would you marry her—a person you couldn't stand—and play happy families with her for the sake of a child that you never wanted? Would you give up your life, playing baseball, your family, your _country_ for Jessica Stanley—a complete stranger—and the baby you created? Huh? What would _you_ do?"

By his expression, he seemed to be conceding. He didn't answer; he only seemed to contemplate my words.

I placed my hands on my hips, feeling empowered by his reaction. I was getting through to him. "This was the situation my father was placed in. He paid for me—he sent cheques to Renee every month; he wrote me letters—that she never gave me. He sent me presents—that she never gave me. Christmas cards—birthday cards. All that I never got until I was older and could intercept the mail man. He came and visited me whenever the Navy allowed him to. It wasn't very often but he still came all the way to Australia to see me when he got breaks." My voice began wavering, but I pushed through it stubbornly, "He t-took me home to Forks for a month over Christmas when I was eight—paying Renee a lot of money to allow me to go. He—," my voice finally broke and again tears rose to threaten my determination, "he bought every single photo Renee had ever taken of me and kept them all." The tears overflowed until I dropped my head into my hands and let them free for a moment.

Edward was silent, still, and when I finally looked back up at him through my tears, he appeared to be struggling.

Wiping my eyes dry, I waited for him to answer.

He began shaking his head, more forcefully as he weighed everything I'd said, until he snapped, still unconvinced. "Bella—the photos I saw of you, it was blatant that you were abused and underfed—are you telling me that your father _never knew_?"

I scoffed bitterly. "You think for a moment that my mother wasn't cunning enough to hide it from him? She managed to hide it from the entire town for most of my life."

He opened his mouth to reply, but I continued, "I think he suspected. He used to ask me constantly, over and over if everything at home was ok, and every single time I told him it was. Rach is right about me—I used to defend my mother. Out of fear or some sick and twisted sense of loyalty I don't know, but I did. I told my father repeatedly that everything was fine—so much so that when I finally told him the truth I don't think he knew what to make of it."

Placing his hands on his hips, Edward looked down and released what appeared to be every molecule of air from his lungs. He didn't meet my gaze; instead he raised his hand and rubbed at his forehead roughly, squeezing his eyes shut. "Fuck," he muttered.

"Edward," I breeched him gently, taking a single step toward him, "you know me ... I don't like to accept certain realities, so I vault them away. I could have told you about Charlie in Australia—you asked me so many times about him, but instead I let you come to your own conclusions."

He looked up and met my eyes; his were stricken. "I didn't want you to get anymore hurt than what you already were. I figured your father had hurt you as well. Jesus—fuck, baby. I've really fucked it up."

I broke into an impulsive smile, feeling an overwhelming sensation of relief wash over me. "You fuck up a lot—it's one of your most endearing qualities," I teased him.

He grinned, exhaling past it, before his expression hedged more seriously again. "So, does your father still want to kill me?"

"Yep," I said matter-of-factly, as a small smile twitched at his lips.

"I guess I can't blame him," he mumbled, rubbing the back of his head again.

"Edward, I don't want you to feel guilty—" I began before he cut me off by quite literally yanking me into my arms, making a reflexive "oomph" kind of sound burst from me.

He wrapped his arms tightly around me, engulfing me to him. I only clung to him, overcome by this sudden shift in him and feeding directly from these heightened emotions of his. They completely dominated him, and in turn they compromised me, completely overwhelmed me, until every single one of my senses were centred on only him.

"I really suck at this, baby. I'm probably going to fuck it up so many more times—but I'm going through it with you completely fucking blind," he said to me with an impassioned, husky tone that immediately affected me.

Merging myself further against the heated warmth of his skin, I buried my face into his chest in an attempt to push back the flood of emotion that was looming down on me. "It's not just you, Edward. I'm new at this too," I insisted with a trembling voice.

"No more holding back on me—promise me, Bella!"

His voice was too strained, too overwrought, that even as I nodded emphatically, yes, tears were erupting down my face, and soaking his t-shirt.

And then he was kissing me, his hands about my tear streaked face, tangled with my hair that was plastered against my damp skin, as he took me deep down with him. I fast found myself completely overwhelmed and being suddenly controlled only by the constant yearning I struggled with on a daily basis; to lose myself in him; to feel—to know that intimacy with him.

I wasn't my mother; it wasn't just about having sex with him. It went beyond that but inevitably led directly to it. Edward held so much power over me, but it was a power I wanted to give him, and right now, with the heat of his skin seeping into me, I knew I had already surrendered myself to it—to that all-consuming intensity within him.

We were both bare-chested, with Edward's jeans around his ankles when he pulled out of it; I had shamefully and completely submitted to it.

"Fuck," he barely managed, fighting against his rapid breath. "My mother is likely to walk in on us."

With the reality of his words, I was immediately rational.

I was only three days into the month's cycle of birth control pills—we had to wait a full month!

Did I want to get myself pregnant?

It was a horrifying thought.

I _wasn't _my mother!

Letting go of my breath, I rested my forehead against his silken chest, allowing myself to calm.

"Besides," he murmured, momentarily pressing his face into the top of my head before continuing, "I have to apologise to your father first."

* * *

**A/N: These pair are gonna kill me...**


	47. She Believes in Me

**A/N: I dunno WTF happened while I was writing this. Maybe it was Joe Cocker, maybe it was the red wine, maybe because I had a religious experience. It pretty much wrote itself while I was visiting Mars.**

**It's cheesy and corny and complete fluff and puke. Hell, I have NFI what the hell I was trying to get across.**

* * *

**Chapter 46**

**She Believes in Me.**

**Edward's POV**

I sat in the front seat of Bella's car attacking my hair, my fingers rigid—my whole fucking body tense, as she drove us back to her house. Bella wasn't finding any amusement in it this time; in fact, she kept glancing at me looking fucking weary.

"Edward…" she said softly with a sigh before grabbing my hand, preventing me from a second offensive on my hair, "relax—what do you think he's going to do to you?"

"Beat the shit out of me," I muttered, scoffing to myself.

She threw me a wry smirk. "Don't be a dag, and it's not as if he's not expecting you." She kept her grip on my hand, forcing it back to my side.

It was Bella's idea to call him and let him know she was bringing me to the house so I could talk to him, but knowing that would make me look like I was hiding behind her, I called him myself.

It was the most painful fucking minute of my life.

Since I'd called with Bella's phone, he answered with one word, "Isabella." He already sounded pissed, and it was so freaking weird hearing him use her full name that for one dumbass moment I paused, thinking I had the wrong number.

"Uh ... hello, Mr. Swan, it-it's Edward Cullen," I stammered, while my voice hitched like a pansy ass.

"What can I do for you, _Edward Cullen_?" Not only was he pissed, but he was fucking condescending.

My back immediately tensed, indignant, but I swallowed past it—along with my fucking pride. "I was wondering if you would agree to meet with me so I can apologize for last night, and … and try and explain myself."

"Do you really think there's reason enough to excuse your behavior?"

He was going to make me suffer.

I cleared my throat as my eyes met with Bella's; she flashed me a warm, encouraging grin. Sighing beneath my breath I continued, trying to make the tone of my voice sound as fucking humble as possible. "Probably not, but I'd still like to try."

He exhaled roughly into the phone. "I will be back around 3pm—don't be late." Then without another word he hung up.

Suffer? The fucker was going to eat me alive.

It took around five minutes to drive from my house to Bella's. The last time I'd travelled the distance was when Bella went home sick and Alice picked me up. Still, it had seemed longer at the time, but then maybe I just really was this much of a pussy.

I followed Bella into the house feeling like a basket case. It was only the second time I'd been inside, and this time it wasn't just Jacob who glared down at me; it was all fucking three of them.

"Cullen," Jacob said to me flatly.

"Jake," I replied with more courtesy than I normally would have given the asshole.

"Hello, Edward," Bella's Uncle then addressed me, his eyes narrowing the longer he gazed at me.

"Chief Swan," I greeted him, before I turned to Bella's father.

He was glaring at me, his eyes sharp and fucking boring straight into me. They were exactly the same color as Bella's only they couldn't possibly have been more different. "Follow me, boy!" he snapped before leading me through the house and outside again via the rear door.

Before I followed him, I quickly glanced to Bella; she only smiled warmly, not looking in the slightest bit concerned that he might rip my fucking head off.

He stopped roughly ten feet from the house and turned to me. "Firstly, I have no intention of explaining myself to an eighteen year old kid, you got that?" he barked out, the warning in his tone clear.

I nodded, conceding. "I don't expect you to, Sir."

"Well, what do you have to say for yourself?" He folded his arms across his chest, his brow arching with what looked like cynicism—this time _exactly_ like Bella.

It was hard to keep myself calm, but I had to remind myself that I'd had the same shitty attitude when Bella had come to see me earlier.

Bowing my head, I took a measured breath. "I'm really sorry about last night. I-I was wrong," I began, before I explained it all; from the moment I'd met Bella, to finding out about Kel's accident, to going to Australia with her, seeing the photographs of her and then to finally running into her mother.

As I explained Bella being physically attacked, his eyes narrowed, while his expression creased momentarily before he roughly cleared his throat. It had clearly upset him, and it only validated the fact that this man had been in the dark about Bella's life for most of it.

I still think it was pretty fucking convenient.

"I—I mean she doesn't like to talk about her past, her mother—or even you, and I guess I just assumed…" I shrugged and let it go, looking down at the grass beneath my feet.

"I'm well aware of what you assumed," he countered, sounding completely unconvinced by what I'd just said until he continued, his tone softer, "but I'm also aware of how good Isabella is at hiding things."

I only nodded and half shrugged.

There was silence for a moment before he broke it, still managing to sound skeptical. "Do you think just because you claim to love my daughter that it gives you a free pass to act the way you did last night?"

"No," I admitted truthfully, shaking my head.

"All right, I'll take you at your word, but I'm warning you now," his eyes darkened and he suddenly became more intimidating—if that was even fucking possible, "if you _ever_ drive my daughter anywhere—even if it's five meters down the driveway—while you have been drinking, I will _tear you apart_. Do you understand?"

I only nodded.

He wasn't finished. "And if you _ever_ lose your temper and lay a finger on her—"

"I'd never lay a hand on her_—ever_!" I burst without even realizing it, my tone defiant and feeling every muscle in my body tense, pissed off and fucking indignant that he'd even suggest it.

My father would climb out of his grave and kill me himself, first.

He only eyed me darkly, like he wanted to knock me on my ass, before the smallest smile inched on his lips. "Okay, from this moment on I expect you to prove yourself." His expression again hardened. "You will not get any allowances from me—is that clear?"

"Crystal," I said quietly, releasing my breath.

And without another word, he walked past me and back into the house.

Fuck me...

A minute later Bella came through the backdoor, walked up to me and threw her arms around my neck.

Feeling a little over-fucking-whelmed, I wrapped my arms tightly around her waist. "Jesus…" I whispered.

"I'm proud of you," she said gently before pressing her lips to my neck and then pulling my head down to merge them with mine.

"Bel-la…?" I managed to get out while her mouth was still against mine. She pulled back. "Can we get out of here? I can feel your father's death stare on me," I admitted, feeling a little more than creeped out by the fact that he was still probably eyeing me off with his daughter pressing her body against mine the way she was.

Bella laughed, softly, breathily. "That might be a bit hard. We're all going to Port Angeles for dinner—you included. Uncle Billy is calling your mother as we speak."

"Oh crap," I muttered, releasing one of my hands from around her to press the heel of it into my forehead. "Do I need to go home and change?"

"Um, Edward, you came here dressed like you were going to church. I think you'll be okay," she teased me, again pressing her lips to the base of my throat this time.

I only groaned beneath my breath. I was still on high alert from almost getting her bra off earlier, and this was despite the fucked up berating I just got from her father.

With a reluctant sigh, she released herself from me and stepped down from her toes before grabbing my hand. "Come on, we'll go for a walk and calm you down."

Her dark eyes immediately softened, and I quickly realized she meant it literally.

An hour later we were sitting in the back of a police cruiser—with fucking Jacob between us—on the way to Tendy's Garden for Chinese food.

At the restaurant Bella's father watched me like a hawk, all without speaking a word to me. I didn't dare touch her, let alone grope her under the table. Though, Bella often squeezed my hand, or put her hand on my shoulder; in fact, she barely severed contact between us, all oblivious to the fact that the vein in her father's forehead looked like it was about to burst.

It wasn't until he left for the men's room that I leaned over to her and spoke into her ear, "Baby, you're going to have to stop touching me. You're going to give your father an aneurysm, and you're making me as horny as all hell."

A small smirk instantly lit up across her face, before her eyes scanned across the table then back to me. Leaning in closer to me, she whispered, "I can't do anything about my father, but I can take care of you later."

Fuck me!

Who the hell was this girl? She was still constantly freaking surprising me.

Toward the end of the night, _The General_ told me I could call him Charlie, and then proceeded to ask me about my GPA and what colleges I was thinking about.

I bullshitted and told him what my GPA was before I'd met Bella, and that I was thinking about University of Seattle. In truth I hadn't even thought about it; though, the wiseass side of me had thought about answering him by saying, "Whatever college Bella is going to."

That was closer to the truth—as fucking needy as that made me.

Charlie then turned to Bella and asked her.

She only glanced up at him with a blank expression, looking suddenly flustered. "I-I I'm not sure what a GPA is."

I tried not to laugh but it soon came rushing out of my nose after I'd tried to smother it by stuffing a garlic shrimp in my mouth.

Bella's cheeks were suddenly on fire, and I was two seconds from grabbing her hand when Jacob piped up, "She'd be seriously close to a 4.0, Uncle Charlie—she gets A's in everything."

"I got a C in gym," she admitted, mumbling, and elbowing me under the table.

I grabbed her hand, resting it on my knee, when Charlie suddenly cleared his throat sharply, making Bella practically jump through the ceiling, severing our hands.

Dinner was wrapped up not long after.

Again, fucking Jacob wrangled himself between Bella and I, and Chief Swan drove me directly home, completely fucking ruining whatever Bella had planned on _taking care of_ with me.

I was seriously going to have to whack off in the shower later.

Jumping out of the car, I turned to Bella's father, offering him an awkward smile. "Thanks, Mr. Swan, for dinner."

"Edward," he replied stiffly, nodding his head once and giving me a _touch-my-daughter-and-you'll-die_ glare.

I turned to Bella and smiled warmly, but then feeling suddenly rebellious—and horny, I winked.

She only broke into that all knowing smirk and shook her head lightly to herself.

After an abrupt sounding, "Good bye, Edward," from the Chief, the car backed down the driveway and disappeared.

I walked through the front door and made my way toward the stairs when my mother intercepted me. "How'd it go, Edward—I'm guessing okay since you were invited to dinner?"

I half shrugged, nodding. "Yeah, it was OK."

"Would you come in the den? Carlisle and I would like a word with you." She raised her eyebrows, letting me know that although she'd given me the courtesy of asking, it was an instruction.

I immediately groaned. "What now?"

"Just come on," she replied with a trace of impatience in her voice.

I followed her into Carlisle's study and sat down on the sofa. Carlisle was behind his desk, like he usually was, and when I entered he peered at me over the top of his glasses. "Good evening, Edward," he said in his perpetually calm manner, as if every interaction in life was a fucking consultation.

"Hi, Carlisle," I said with an edgy sigh.

My mother turned to me and began, "We have a proposition for you, Edward."

"What...?" I asked her suspiciously.

"If you agree to work with Carlisle for the rest of the summer, I'll agree to you buying another car in October."

"Agree...?" I quirked an eyebrow at her. "In three weeks I'm eighteen. Dad's money will be legally mine."

She folded her arms and sniffed. "Well, no, not technically. You see, your father gave me power of attorney until I felt that you, Alice and Em were mature enough to manage the money yourselves."

"Well that's fucking great—so you're going to hold me to ransom now?" I burst.

"Edward, watch your language!" she ordered me, her eyes narrowing. "No, we're not _holding you to ransom_. It's an incentive to prove that you can be responsible. If so, at the end of the summer I will turn your inheritance over to you."

"Yeah—that's extortion!"

"Oh, Edward—stop acting like a child!" she snapped.

Huffing, I stood abruptly up from the couch. "_Fine,_ then."

"Not so fast," she put up her hands, before indicating for me to sit back down. "There's more." Her tone had suddenly turned ... tactful, making me feel more uneasy.

I remained standing.

"Sit down, Edward. Please," Carlisle spoke up quietly. "This isn't a punishment."

I ignored him.

"We also think…" she paused suddenly not sounding so confident anymore. Her eyes flickered to Carlisle before again back to me. "Well, we think you should limit your time with Bella until school goes back."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I demanded, immediately fucking pissed off.

"Edward, you're out of control—as usual you have absolutely no control over your emotions to the continued detriment of everyone around you." My mother insisted, before huffing out her breath and turning her back to me.

"This is absolute _bullshit—_keep the fucking money, I don't want it." I raged, taking a step to leave the room when Carlisle was suddenly before me.

"Edward, calm down. Let's talk about this rationally, please." He guided me back to the sofa.

"How am I being _irrational_?" I challenged him.

"Sit down and we'll discuss our concerns with you," Carlisle said calmly, trying to fucking placate me.

Begrudgingly, I did as he asked.

My mother turned back to me, her expression suddenly hard. "This is non-negotiable, Edward. If you refuse to listen, you're going back into counseling."

I was immediately off the sofa again, in one movement. "_TO HELL I AM_!"

"Edward." Carlisle placed his hands on my upper arms, turning to my mother. "Esme, sweetheart, please..."

This time he led me to the chair opposite his desk. I threw myself down in it, rigid and fucking pissed off.

Carlisle returned to his seat and faced me. "Edward, no one is attacking you here. We're concerned about you and Bella and nothing more."

"What exactly are you _concerned_ about?" I demanded, continuing when he opened his mouth to reply. "The shit with her father was a misunderstanding—I apologized."

Carlisle sighed, looking momentarily down at the pen in his hands before meeting my gaze again. "It isn't only that, Edward. Do you remember the afternoon we made you watch the birth video—and at the end I told your mother that I was more worried about you and Bella than I was about Emmett and Alice?"

"Yeah," I muttered.

"I wasn't suggesting that you and Bella would be irresponsible and get pregnant, but the fact remains that since you've met Bella, you have become compulsive, belligerent—your grades have suffered—not to mention almost killing yourself. Which Alice informed us was _directly_ related to Bella."

_Fucking little rat!_ I fumed to myself.

Carlisle gave me a minute, before continuing, "We're not saying that Bella is bad for you, Edward. Quite the opposite; she is very good for you, but it's very evident that you are struggling to process the enormity of this relationship the two of you have found yourselves in."

I snorted. "Well thank you very much, Sigmund Freud, but I understand exactly what's going on with me and Bella. I realize we started off with unusual circumstances, but we're still working it out. I mean Jesus fucking Christ—who in this house has a perfect relationship?"

Mom came to stand beside me. "That isn't the point, sweetheart." She was calmer this time. "There is a destructive element that is attached with Bella that we're concerned about. I see it in your face, this overprotectiveness you have for her is torturing you."

I huffed out my breath sarcastically. "Yeah, yeah, and she's making me _compulsive_."

"Edward," Carlisle sighed deeply, "you're a person who has incredibly strong emotions, and what you're feeling for Bella has made it all increase to the point that you've become extremely high strung. You have to learn to control it or you will find yourself making the same very destructive decisions that will eventually push her away."

I took in his words before exhaling deeply, dropping my head in my hands, feeling fucking defeated and tired all of a sudden. "What the hell do you want from me?"

I felt my mother's arm encircle over my shoulders. "Sweetheart, you have always gone above and beyond for the people you love. First it was me when your father died, then it was Alice when she was sick, and now it's Bella. The only trouble is, it takes a lot out of you, and it worries me so much. You appear so old at times."

"So you think stopping me from seeing her will suddenly change all that?" I turned to her, my tone hard and accusatory.

We were finally getting to some kind of ordinary—as fucking poetic as that was.

"No, I wouldn't ever stop you from seeing her," she insisted, her tone sincere. "I just want you to take a step back and learn to deal with it all better."

I scoffed, almost laughing bitterly. "Do you want me to do some kind of relationships 101 course, or send me to a shrink who tells me I have a fucking personality disorder again?—Alice was _dying_. Fuck me!"

"Edward, no one thinks you have a personality disorder; though, at the time you were completely out of control. Even you can attest to that," Carlisle reasoned, the tone of his voice remaining completely fucking neutral.

I scoffed again, shaking my head to myself. "My father had died a few years earlier and my sister was at death's door. Excuse me for not being fucking Zen enough about it." I pulled myself out of the chair and immediately moved to leave the room.

"Edward,_ you_ were the only one that reacted that way! We were worried about you almost as much as we were about Alice," my mother confessed, looking like it pained her to say it.

I felt myself stiffen, before huffing out my breath impatiently, and turning back to her. "This is such _bullshit_, Mom!" I burst. "No one's fucking perfect—this is who I am. Why is it that Alice can accept me—Bella can accept me, but_ you_ _can't_?"

She opened her mouth, but no words came out. Eventually, she only shook her head in reply, her shoulders slumping. And that pretty much said fucking everything.

"I am _not ... _Dad!" It fucking strangled from me, and with that said, I completely lost it. "JUST LET ME FIGURE IT OUT—AND LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!" I stormed out of the office, up the stairs to my room where I slammed my door so hard it shook the entire house.

"Fuck ... this shit!" I fumed, running both my hands through my hair rigidly, pacing around my room in an effort to get a fucking grip on myself. My chest was beginning to go tight, my whole fucking body stiff, and I knew if I didn't somehow release it I would fucking explode.

There was a knock on the door before it opened a fraction and fucking Alice peeked her head into the room. "Edward…?" Her expression was stricken.

"GET OUT!" I roared, making her flinch, but the little rat held her ground. "ALICE, I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF YOU TAKE ONE STEP INSIDE THIS ROOM I WILL—I WILL ... I..."

I couldn't fucking breathe. I felt like my lungs were suddenly in a vice and being squeezed tighter and tighter.

I couldn't take a single fucking breath.

The room was suddenly spinning, and my heart was fucking pounding through my rib cage in panic. I only clenched at my chest, as I continued to struggle to drag air into my lungs, feeling myself all but collapse against my bed, sliding to the floor.

Alice was beside me, dragging me closer to her, shaking my shoulders, but it was as if someone had pressed the mute button. All I could hear was a piercing ringing in my ears while my heart hammered through every fucking part of my body.

And I was being flooded, completely overrun by events of the past, and now, as they rushed through my mind with blinding fucking light. Of Mom, broken and crumbling; of my father's cold hard body as it lay in a coffin; of Alice, emaciated and clinging to life; of Emmett staring down at me with fear in his expression that was completely foreign to him. And Bella; Bella's eyes haunted and fucking desolate, tearing straight into my soul.

"Edward!" Alice's voice broke through to me as she shook me again, harder, looking beyond fucking terrified.

Carlisle was before me, trying to put something over my face; I only shoved him away from me. Then it was my mother, and she fucking slapped me. So hard I felt it stinging behind my fucking eye. The same way the little rat had once slapped me; the same way I witnessed Bella's mother slap her. Then someone tried to shove water down my throat, making me start choking and fucking convulsing more.

"Get out!" I tried to yell, but all I could manage was a pitiful, strained fucking sound. Instead, I shook my head, back and forth before dropping it into my hands and completely releasing myself to whatever the hell was consuming me, realizing I had suddenly hit rock-fucking-bottom. It had ripped a hole straight through my chest and was shredding me.

My phone rang. It jolted me—snapping me out of this fucking cataclysm for a moment. Alice dived into my breast pocket to retrieve it, saying one word to me before she answered it, "Bella."

She put the phone to her ear, shaking her head as she spoke. I could hear her speaking to her, sounding so fucking anxious that she was practically yelling, but I couldn't make out her words—apart from Bella's name, spoken over and over again.

I closed my eyes; I could hear Bella's voice through the phone. She was speaking my name, and it was as if the sound of it was synced to my heart, to my heaving fucking lungs.

"Speak to him, Bella," Alice said, before thrusting the phone clumsily to my cheek.

I took it from her; my hands fucking trembling beyond my control. "Edward! Are-are you ok—talk to me!" Bella's voice cried through the phone, on the verge of tears, in that weird ass accent of hers that I could still barely understand most days, and who owned my fucking soul.

Tears started running down my face, fucking choking me. I felt drained of all energy and I was fucking exhausted.

"Bella..." was all I could manage, in a strangled, gasping fucking voice that I didn't recognize. I tried to speak again, but I was fucking stuttering, as if my brain was no longer connected to my mouth.

Bella was crying, her voice suddenly incoherent and rambling. I only caught the end of what she'd said. "Just hang on, honey. I'm coming—I love you!"

I think I made some twisted sound that was meant to be a laugh, before I dropped the phone as I tried to fight past the burning fucking feeling in my chest that felt like it was suffocating me and dragging me further down.

So fuck it, I just surrendered to it.

It seemed like only a minute had passed when Bella suddenly threw herself against me, wrapping her arms tightly around my neck. I felt her hands in my hair, her lips press repeatedly to my face as I struggled to take a full breath and fight this bullshit off. I could only cling to her, gripping her t-shirt in my fists and almost ripping it from her back as my whole fucking body shook uncontrollably.

I heard the tone of her voice, high and anguished, keep repeating my name, as she shook me, her hands clamped around my face. All I could do was close my eyes, inhaling her in more and more with each tormented fucking breath I took.

"I'm sorry, Edward—I'm so sorry," I heard her voice break through this fucking stranglehold over me like an iron fist.

I snapped my head up, my equilibrium beginning to anchor back.

"What the fuck are you talking about? Why are you sorry?" I uttered, sounding just as fucking shattered as I felt.

She laughed, pressing her face against mine as her lips connected with my skin again, engulfing me with her breath. She was making me slightly off balance, but this was what I knew—feeling every day that I was way out of my depth.

And I could breathe again. At least, I could take a breath without feeling like my lungs were going to fucking rupture.

Bella had curled herself completely around me, and was whispering things to me. At first I couldn't properly comprehend what she was saying, until I realized she was trying to make me laugh.

"I wuv you, Eddy Weddy, honey bear, love of my life." Her breath was wavering and shaky, breaking slightly, before again she pressed her lips to mine, longer this time, deeper.

I laughed; it burst from me somewhere between fighting to catch my breath, and trying to stop my whole fucking body from shuddering. I dropped my face back to her bare skin that curved at the base of her neck.

"You're ... such a sap..." I mumbled, as my eyes close heavily.

I was fucking dead.

She laughed with me, her voice gentle, while her breath was so warm against my face it was like fucking sunshine.

"I was supposed to drive you home," she murmured against my ear. "I was supposed to be taking care of you, remember?"

I was beyond fucked up, and I was sure I didn't have enough oxygen in-take to power an erection. Instead, breaking into a small smile, I took a huge fucking exhausted breath in and let it go.

She spoke to Alice, and I only registered it because her tone completely changed. "What happened to him—what caused it?"

"This has been eight years in the making, Bella," the little rat answered softly.

It suddenly occurred to me that I was still sitting on the floor at the side of my bed, with Bella sitting straddled in my lap. She was rising and falling above me slower now, and it was the only indication that I was suddenly breathing normally. But her body was hot against mine, too hot. I was fucking sweltering; sweat was pouring from every square inch of my body.

And my ass was numb.

"He'd kept it all in—all these years. Are you sure you're not his twin instead of me, Bella?" Alice joked, though her tone was only semi-serious—and I thought I was about to cringe to fucking death.

"Get the fuck out of my room, you little rat," I snapped, still sounding fucking shaky, while my tone was more affectionate than I had intended.

Or maybe it was subconscious.

Bella chuckled, her little body rebounding through me as she sat flush on top of me. Then to make it infinitely worse, Alice kissed me impulsively on my cheek, nudging me.

Groaning against the warmth of Bella's neck, I shifted, indicating that I wanted to get up. Bella climbed off me carefully before taking my hand and helping me to my feet. It was probably a good thing she did; I was so fucking gone I was swaying.

Grabbing her shoulders to brace myself, I dropped my head against hers. "Just give me a minute." My voice was barely audible and I was still fucking shaking.

She was staring at me, scrutinizing me closely, before she eventually nodded. "Okay, honey."

And despite myself, I broke into an immediate grin. "Did you just call me honey?" I teased her, despite my voice sounding fucking hoarse and broken.

She smiled back at me, all warm and tender, without a shred of that cynical suspicion that I was so used to. "You're hearing things."

I sort of half laughed, but I was about to drop, and I could see it in her eyes.

"I'm ok," I attempted to reassure her, only it was the fucking joke of the century, and she didn't buy it, regardless. I couldn't get much past this girl, after all.

On shaky fucking legs, I made my way into my bathroom, where I stripped my damp clothes off and replaced them with a clean t-shirt and track pants. When I walked back into my room, I climbed on my bed and all but collapsed, rolling onto my back. It was then that I noticed Mom, Emmett and Carlisle standing in the doorway.

"You okay there, Edna?" Emmett asked me.

I only quirked what I was sure was a fucked up exhausted grin at him, and gave him the thumbs up sign.

And then Carlisle was sitting beside me taking my fucking pulse.

"Jesus, I'm not dying," I complained, but begrudgingly let him finish.

Carlisle flashed me a small smile before releasing my wrist. "Not tonight."

Next it was mom, looking guilty and fucking wretched as she wiped my hair back from my forehead. "Get some sleep, sweetheart. I-I had no idea you were carrying around so much, but I'm so glad you released it."

I brought both my hands to my forehead, pushing the heels into my eyes. "Mom..." I began but abandoned it. What the fuck could I say, anyway?

She kissed my brow quickly. "I underestimated you, sweetheart, and I'm so very sorry."

More guilt…

"It's okay, Mom," I mumbled with a sigh.

She pressed her lips against my forehead one more time. "Get some sleep. Bella's here." She left the room with Alice behind her continuing to smile at me over her shoulder until she closed the door behind her.

I removed my hands from my eyes to properly look at Bella for the first time since she'd been here. She'd been crying, and her eyes were completely fucking drowning with panic. She broke into a smile, but this time I could see how much it was being overshadowed.

"Come here." I held out my arm to her.

She sat beside me and grabbed my hand before bending down to kiss my lips. "Don't you dare think about doing that face," she reproached me teasingly, before her lips found my brow. "You're not worrying about me tonight."

"Shut up and let me sleep," I replied, grinning at her, but I was so fucking shattered that it was depleting me just to speak. With my last reserves of energy I pulled her down with me.

She curled herself against me, running her fingers up and down my chest, before her breath left her in a heavy sounding sigh. "What happened, Edward?"

Inhaling, I released it into a light groan. "I dunno, baby."

Squeezing her, I closed my eyes—mainly because just keeping them open fucking exhausted me more.

"Did I put too much on you in Australia?" she breached softly, sounding fucking guilt ridden again, and it was beginning to frustrate me.

"No, now shut up. You talk too much."

"You _are _my knight in shining armor, Edward. And you're right—I've never had anyone be that for me, apart from you." She sounded close to tears, and I was about to open my eyes and reply, but she started kissing me again; my lips, my face; my neck—all over the damn place.

Fuck me, she was going to kill me.

I only made this exhausted fucking primitive sound, wishing like hell I had some kind of energy to be able to respond, but my body was craving nothing but sleep.

And I was fading fast.

And then she was gone.

* * *

**A/N: Poor Edward...**


	48. Need You Now

**A/N: Holy shit, I'm almost finished...**

* * *

**Chapter 47**

**Need You Now**

**Edward's POV:**

When I woke it was the dead of night, and I was alone.

I sat up feeling disorientated and felt around for Bella, almost convincing myself that she hadn't actually been here at all. My memory was pretty cloudy, but I knew without a doubt that Bella had fallen asleep with me, because I could still smell her on my bed.

And I was suddenly ragingly fucking horny.

Leaning to the side, I switched on the lamp, angling the alarm clock so I could see the time.

3:15am.

Bella's phone was sitting on my side table, and I soon spotted her sweater hanging over the foot of my bed.

She had definitely been here, but the question was: why wasn't she now?

Grabbing her phone, I got out of bed and headed toward the door, rubbing the grogginess of sleep from my eyes as I went.

I felt strange. Physically I felt a lot better than the fucked up condition I'd gone to sleep in, but I still didn't feel ... completely right. It was as if something was missing—only I didn't entirely know what—and I had a weighed down feeling in my chest. This was despite the fact that I was feeling a shit ton lighter.

It was continuing to make me feel edgy, and fucking more so because I had no idea why I was feeling so edgy.

Maybe I was just feeling like a titanic dickhead for completely losing my shit. Okay, I was a little bit, but that still wasn't it...

Fuck it, I was too horny to dwell on it, and I needed to find out if Bella was still in the house.

I crept down the hall—the house was quiet apart from Emmett's freaking snoring—and paused at Alice's room. Then, switching on the flashlight app on Bella's iPhone, I slowly opened the door.

She was hanging off the side of Alice's bed, out cold.

Feeling the grin immediately penetrating my face, I carefully entered the room. When I reached her, I kneeled down beside her, taking her hand that hung over the side of the mattress. "Hey," I whispered, squeezing it gently.

She stirred, mumbled something unintelligible before her eyes slowly opened.

"Is it raining?" she asked me in a croaky voice, her sleep-glazed eyes looking straight through me.

"Yes," I replied softly, exhaling past the urge to laugh, before I helped her off the bed.

"I can't find my jumper," she mumbled, stumbling lightly against me before seeming to fall back asleep on her feet.

"It's in my room," I whispered. "Come on." I tried to get her to walk, but her feet were dragging, so bending down, I hoisted her up into my arms.

Her head flopped down on my shoulder; she was completely out to it, which pretty much put a halter on my motives for getting her back in my room in the first place.

When I laid her on my bed, she awakened enough to climb under my covers, snuggling into me when I got in beside her. I pulled her closer against me, and she curled her leg over mine, her knee suddenly pressing straight into my groin. It immediately caused a fire to erupt within me. I was beginning to become completely consumed by sexual frustration again; my only thoughts on where and when I could get her alone again with me.

Carefully, I removed her leg from around me, so I could fucking breathe again, before I leaned over and turned off the lamp.

As I laid there fully awake now, I listened to the sound of her breathing for a few minutes, taking notice of how she rubbed her foot up and down my leg on and off before eventually entwining her legs again with mine.

If I hadn't well and truly fucking fell apart earlier I would have seriously jerked off in the shower. I was really regretting it now; I was beginning to feel like I was amped.

I tried to distract myself, but Bella didn't make it easy for me. Her knee kept finding its way back to my groin, prodding against me—giving me a fucking knee job. Jesus, even in her sleep she teased the shit out of me, but then I was pretty much a horny bastard every minute of my life anyway.

I figured I'd be getting a lot more now that Bella and I were together, but then Prom was only a month ago.

Jesus, just a month. It felt like it was five years ago.

During the seven months that I'd known Bella I'd had less sex than I'd had the seven months before I'd met her. Once—with her, but fuck, it was worth the wait. Though, I could very well have had sex with slut-bag Stanley; it's not like I'd even remember. Though, Alice swore on Jazz's balls that when she intervened nothing was going on.

Yeah, she actually swore on his balls—in front of me. I think the little rat was picking up his obsession.

**...**

I dozed on and off, but with Bella's knee continuously lodged into my balls, I couldn't really fall into a deep sleep. Plus I was too conscious of her—of her warm little body pressed against mine, and of the fact that we hadn't slept together since that night in Sydney.

I was semi-conscious when Bella woke, sitting straight up in bed and looking around the room with a confused look on her face. Running her hand up into her hair, she turned to me, where her frown turned to an immediate smile.

"Hi," she said softly, her voice croaky.

"Hey," I replied and moved to sit up alongside her when she all but ambushed me, almost knocking me back against the pillows as she wrapped her arms tightly around my neck.

"How are you feeling?" she whispered, sounding all freaking engulfed again.

I released my breath before snaking an arm around her waist and pulling her back so I could see her face. Her eyes were endless again and shredded with guilt.

Always fucking guilt…

"I'm fine," I assured her, my gaze dropping from her eyes to her lips.

I leaned closer to her, but she only moved further away, staring straight down to my soul. "Tell me what happened?" She was determined to talk, while all I could focus on was how long we had until mom and Carlisle woke up.

And with Emmett next door, how to make the least amount of noise…

With a groan—that quickly manifested as sexual frustration—I dropped my face into the crook of her neck. "I'm not really sure, babe. Can you please not give me shit about it?"

There was silence. When I looked back up she was quirking her eyebrows with a half cynical smile on her lips.

"Babe?" She smirked, her brows rising higher on her forehead.

With only half feigned frustration, I groaned louder sighing with it, before pulling her flush against me. Placing my lips to her ear, I teased her, "Babe, sweetie pie, gorgeous, spunk-fest Belly Welly."

Cringing, she tried to pull away from me, but I held her tighter, pressing my lips over hers when she protested, as my hands found their way under the t-shirt she was wearing—the little rat's t-shirt.

"You're such … a cornball, Edward." She turned her face so my mouth was suddenly squashed into her cheek, before pushing herself back from my chest. "Talk to me for a minute."

"No." And with my hands gripping her sides, I pulled her back to me so that she was sitting on my lap, having a close encounter with my morning wood. I ran my hands further up her sides, feeling her ribs beneath my fingers as she tensed in reflex, continuing to resist me.

"Ed—" she began but I shut her up by again closing my mouth over hers.

"Shhhh."

She seemed to relent, responding to me and running her hands to the back of my head and through my hair, but when I moved my lips to her neck and shoulder she again pulled away from me.

"Edward—bloody hell!" she teased me warmly, lightly, removing my hands from beneath her shirt as I dropped my head to her shoulder and exhaled heavily against her bare skin.

And it didn't fucking help that she was sitting square on my dick, but then seeming to read me, she climbed off my lap.

I only uttered some fucked up horny, defeated sound.

She moved back from me, sighing and sounding like she was in empathy with me. I kept my head lowered, letting my chin thud against my chest, before pushing the heel of my palms into my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Edward," she said softly, taking one of my hands before wrapping her arms around my waist.

I laid myself back, pulling her with me as I tried to talk myself down.

She leaned up and kissed my cheek, before her breath rushed from her, washing over my face. "I know, but Emmett's next door, and the last time Alice walked in on us, and if your mom walked in on us I'd kill myself." She sighed again before snuggling back against my side. "And how did I get in here? I'm sure I went to sleep in Alice's room…"

I grinned, pushing it shortly through my nose. "I came and got you."

She rolled over, half on top of me and snaked her arm around me, before pressing her face against my neck. "Get cold, did you?" she murmured teasingly.

"Among other things," I mumbled, sighing, still feeling strung out, and running my fingers back over my scalp.

Bella, knowing exactly what I was doing raised her head, looking at me with her forehead puckered. "I hate doing this to you, Edward, and I'm still worried about you."

"Don't worry about me," I mumbled, having a panicky sudden feeling that last night might have stalled shit between us.

She smirked, propping herself up on her elbows against my chest. "Do you want us to turn into Alice and Jazz? They have sex every day—Alice actually told me that."

I groaned—it was pure impulse—closing my eyes, completely fucking missing what she had just implied. "Please remember Alice is my sister, babe—I really don't want to know what her and that pissant do together."

When I opened my eyes her brow was quirked cynically again, but anticipating her, I clamped my hand over her mouth, before rolling her completely beneath me. She continued to smirk to herself even as I lay flush on top of her, but that was probably due to the fact that the pen in my pants was completely fucking obvious.

"Want to fool around?" I asked, flashing her a sly grin.

"Are you going to be able to pull out of it?"

"Probably not," I admitted lightly, thinking I could charm her into it.

As usual, if she fell for it she gave nothing away. Completely owning my ass, she simply half shrugged, giving me that knowing freaking smile again. "Sure."

We lasted fifteen minutes and it turned into fucking torture. As far as we went, and as much as she gave me, all my mind could process was _more._ She let me totally grope her—I was basically fucking dry humping her, but she was holding back. It was obvious she was holding back because compared to how she'd been yesterday she was acting like a nun.

A nun that I was violating.

If that wasn't enough to immediately deflate me, it was the sound of my mother knocking on Alice's door and calling out to her and Bella—not to mention the absolute horror that was suddenly reflected on Bella's face.

I was beginning to suspect that Bella viewed my mother as some kind of saint. I wonder how she'd feel if she knew Mom wanted to put a stopper on the two of us. Hell, she'd probably agree with her, because I was also starting to suspect that Bella was beginning to see me as the horny primitive bastard I really was. I mean, she'd made a veiled comment about us having sex everyday—what the fuck was that supposed to mean?

Did she want to; didn't she…?

I was beginning to think I knew less about Bella the more time I spent with her; after all, all I wanted from her lately was her body. Or maybe being sexually frustrated turned me into a paranoid fucking pussy.

All I needed now was another break down.

"Get me back into Alice's room!" Bella whispered sharply, her tone completely compromised by alarm.

"Shhh, she only knocks. She never comes in," I reassured her, wiping a strand of her hair away from her face.

Famous last fucking words.

In the next instant Mom knocked on my door, called out to me, before the door knob half turned, then stopped and began jiggling.

I'm not sure if Bella threw herself off the side of the bed or I pushed her off, but as I launched myself off the bed to stop my mother from walking in on us, Bella suddenly landed flat on her ass on the other side of it.

She was still topless, then throwing on her shirt, she picked herself up off the ground and bolted into my bathroom with more agility than I'd ever seen from her.

The door knob jiggled again. "Edward?" Came my mother's increasingly suspicious voice.

Fuck! Oh fuck—it was locked! Thank fuck I'd locked it! I almost died on the spot of fucking heart failure, grabbing my chest instinctively.

"What?" I asked, beginning to feel irritated, while trying to disguise my voice as croaky from sleep.

"Why is the door locked, Edward?" she demanded.

"Why do you think?" I replied hotly after reefing it open and glaring down at her.

She blatantly looked past me and around my room; I huffed sharply, but then maybe that was just to cover my guilt. "Looking for something?"

Her eyes met mine then softened, before she placed a hand on my cheek. "How are you this morning, sweetheart?"

I turned my gaze away from her, feeling more and more fucking guilt ridden. "I'm fine. I-I just didn't get much sleep last night."

"You hungry?"

I shrugged. "Yeah."

"Okay, I'll see you downstairs soon." She turned and headed for the stairs without looking back.

I closed the door, released my breath, raking my hand edgily through my hair, before I turned toward my bathroom door. "She's gone, babe."

"Would you stop _calling me that_!" Bella blurted out, opening the door brashly, looking ruddy faced and flustered.

I only grinned, trying not to laugh at her as she scowled up at me.

"She totally knows I'm in here!" She ran her fingers rigidly over her forehead looking genuinely upset.

Walking over to her, I slung my arm over her shoulder as she stood with her forehead leaning against my chest. "Pixie-stick would have covered for us. She knows she owes me—God only knows how many times I've covered for her and _Jazmina_."

She only exhaled deeply, letting her shoulders drop as both her hands came up to grab fistfuls of my t-shirt.

I pressed my lips down to the top of her head momentarily, before asking, "Tell me why you don't like me calling you babe?"

"I already told you," she mumbled, without raising her head.

"Yeah … but I no longer believe it," I teased her lightly, before gauging her more seriously. "Was it something your mother said?"

She tensed, it was only slight, but enough that I immediately registered the shift within her. "Not my mother—her boyfriend."

This time I fucking tensed. She'd never mentioned any _boyfriend_ before. "Bella—Jesus, please tell me…" I left it unspoken.

She raised her head, suddenly looking horrified. "No—God no! He was just a sleazy prick who used to perv down my shirt every chance he got, hoping I was like my mother. But yeah, he called my mother babe, and he was beginning to start calling me it too. It doesn't bother me that much. It makes me cringe slightly—which you're well aware of." She flashed me a wry grin, elbowing me softly in the ribs.

I chuckled. "Why didn't you ever tell me this?"

She sort of half laughed to herself. "I was hoping telling you Jake called Nessie the same thing would turn you off." Then before I could respond, she leaned up on her toes and planted a soft but rushed kiss on my lips. "Sneak me back into Alice's room."

But right at that moment there was a second knock at my door, followed by Alice's half teasing, half sarcastic voice. "Rise and shine, lovelings."

I pulled open the door to the little rat flashing me a smug look. "You so totally owe me!" she declared.

I only scoffed. "We're not even close to being even, you little ferret."

"Nothing happened," Bella insisted walking past me out of the room, before looking over her shoulder and flashing me a warm, teasing grin. "Edward was just feeling cold."

Alice snorted. "I'm sure he was."

I groaned beneath my breath before walking out of my room and closing my door.

Not only was it fucked up how much I was thinking about sex, but it was more fucked up that my pain in the ass sister knew all about it.

Bella and Alice walked down the stairs together, while I trailed a few feet behind.

"What did you tell your mom?" Bella asked Alice, sounding anxious again.

"That you were brushing your teeth—it's cool; she believed me," Alice answered simply.

"Yeah, that's why she completely scanned my room afterwards," I added dryly.

"Well, she's not completely naïve." The little rat rolled her eyes at me over her shoulder.

…

We ate breakfast with mom's fucking eyes constantly on me and Bella. It was more than obvious and made Bella so twitchy it was clear she couldn't wait to get the fuck out of there. As it was, mom and Carlisle's proposition from the night before started today. When Carlisle entered the room, the first thing he did was look over at me and comment that I wasn't dressed.

"What, you're making me start today?" I demanded, suddenly fucking pissed off again, but then again that was probably due to sexual frustration. I had planned on getting Bella alone fucking somewhere during the day.

"Yes, I thought that was understood?" Carlisle replied.

"I didn't even get to have a shower last night," I grumbled, while Bella only glanced at me with her eyebrows drawn.

"Well go and have one now, Edward," my mother said, sighing.

I stood up from the table roughly, with a huff before leaving the room, hearing my mother telling Bella how hot headed I was, as I left.

Fucking great…

Okay, I was acting like a bad tempered asshole. I didn't know why I was feeling so edgy, but I was, but then jerking off in the shower did make me feel calmer afterwards. Actually I almost fucking exploded, but then immediately felt mellow, realizing what a dick I'd been.

I was getting dressed when Bella knocked on my door. Throwing my shirt over my head quickly, I opened it. "You don't have to knock, babe—"her brows immediately bunched—"fuck, I'm sorry—sorry!"

She only broke into a grin, pushing me playfully as she did. "I suppose you can call me_ babe_ if you insist on it. Anyway, I have to go. My dad's leaving tomorrow and he's taking me to Port Angeles." She threw me a teasing pout before grabbing my t-shirt and pulling me closer. "You over your hissy fit?"

"Ah..." I brought my hand to the back of my head, instantly feeling like a giant dick. She had a way of bringing me straight back down to earth. "Yeah..." I mumbled, dropping my eyes to her feet.

She suddenly threw her arms around my neck, almost pulling me down on her. "I'm only joking, you big dag. I'm going to worry about you all day. You freaked the hell out of me last night." Her tone turned soft and serious.

I felt like shit. Sighing deeply, I moved back to look into her eyes. "I'm okay. I swear to you I am," I promised her, before I kissed her briefly. "Just give me a minute and I'll walk you out to your car."

**...**

Once we reached her jeep—she'd parked it fifty feet away like she usually did—she kissed me softly, wrapped her arms around my waist then fucking burst into tears.

"What's wrong, baby?" I asked her, feeling my heart quicken, wondering what the fuck I'd done to upset her this time.

"Nothing. I mean, it's just ... so much has happened that sometimes I don't know how to process it, and ... my dad's leaving"—she never called him _dad_—"and I feel terrible that I dragged you into the train wreck that's my life."

I bowed my head against hers for a moment, holding her tighter against me. "Bella—you never _dragged_ me into your life. I kind of forced my way in—remember?"

She inhaled back her tears, breaking into half a laugh at the same time, nodding. "I remember."

I bent my head trying to see her face; she kept it squashed against my chest. "If you need me tomorrow when your dad leaves, call me and I'll come right over."

"Won't you be working with Carlisle?"

"Tomorrow's Saturday, baby," I teased her.

She chuckled again, nudging me. "Shut up."

"Hey? Look at me," I instructed her gently; she did—reluctantly. I took a deep breath before continuing, "Thank you for coming over last night. I don't know what the fuck happened but ... anyway, I'm sorry I freaked you out."

She smiled at me warmly, a hint of her playfulness sneaking into it. "You did, but it was my pleasure."

"Sap." I grinned.

"Cheese ball."

"Go the fuck home, woman—Jesus."

She threw me that cynical smile again before I cupped her face and kissed her. She tried to deepen it, but I had to almost literally force her back—I didn't have time to whack off again, after all.

With a small sigh she brought her lips to my ear. "I'll take care of you soon."

I immediately tensed, before my eyes closed as I struggled to hold back the all-out horny groan from becoming audible.

Oh, God, please make it be so…

When I didn't respond, Bella did this half sigh, half chuckle thing, before kissing me quickly on the cheek. "Later, gator," she said before jumping into her car.

I only grinned at her like a goofy dickhead before I walked over to where Carlisle was waiting for me in his silver Merc, with the second coming of my freaking morning wood..

**...**

Carlisle used me as his fucking runner boy, because obviously he felt that modern technology—like emails—weren't as effective. All I did was go back and forth through the hospital delivering messages, handing out mail, or picking up supplies for him. Then in the afternoon when he was doing his rounds he forced me to go along. I had to stand there trying not to puke when he inspected various patients stitches and surgery wounds. When he pulled a fucking ten feet tube from some old guy's stomach, I almost passed out cold on the spot. He promptly ordered me out to the vending machines to get him a coffee. I kept on walking right out of the building, pulling my phone from my pocket and texting Bella as I did.

**Baby, this shit is going to kill me.**

She replied about half a minute later, **lol, naw poor baby. You'll be fine.**

I wasn't so confident.

When I walked back into the hospital, I'd lost track of Carlisle, but where ever the hell he was I sure as hell wasn't going to follow.

He eventually sent me a message, **go take a break and meet me in my office at 4.**

I was surprised he knew how to text.

I spent it in the hospital cafeteria, eating a fucking disgusting premade sandwich and playing Candy Crush on my phone until the battery went dead. I dragged my ass back to his office fifteen minutes late, and for the rest of the day Carlisle had me photocopying shit.

At 6pm the day was over, and I was fucking exhausted, but then on the way home Carlisle decided to play fucking psychiatrist and attempt to get me to open up about my _feelings_ and why I was often so _angry_.

"Do we have to do this now, Carlisle? I'm tired. Ask me again Monday," I grumbled, pulling out my phone and shoving in my earphones only to realize it was dead.

"Monday? You're not coming tomorrow?" Carlisle put it to me calmly with raised brows.

"What? You expect me to work on weekends?" I burst.

"I thought that was understood. Do you have plans with Bella?"

"No, it wasn't _understood_—I'm not a fucking mind reader. And I thought you and Mom were trying to stop me from seeing Bella?"

Yeah, like that was going to fucking happen.

"No, we're not stopping you from seeing her at all. Tell me about Bella. You seem very close," Carlisle said, turning to me as he stopped at the intersection to turn onto the Olympic Highway.

I sighed, only half beneath my breath. "She's my girlfriend—what do you want me to say?"

"Do you find it easy to communicate with her—or do you bottle your feelings from her?"

Pushing the heel of my palm into my forehead, I answered—reluctantly. "She knows how I feel about her."

"Have you told her?"

"Jesus!" I burst. "Am I going to be charged by the fucking hour?"

"I'm just trying to help you find an outlet to release your emotions, Edward," he replied quietly.

He kept on at me, all the way home. I don't know what he wanted to achieve, but all he succeeded in doing was grating on my last fucking nerve.

The next day—yes he and mom made me work Saturday—Carlisle suggested that because I wasn't so receptive to talking to him, I should keep a journal to document my feelings about shit in hope I would be able to recognize certain triggers to my anger and frustration.

My anger... Apparently from the moment I'd met Bella I had become some kind of angry, obsessive compulsive sociopath. It was news to me. I realized I was more on edge, but I didn't know how else I was supposed to act with this level of sexual frustration suddenly competing with the urge to start sprouting fucking poetry every time I was near her; not to mention the constant anxiety I had that I'd fuck it up and lose her.

So, humoring Carlisle, I bought a journal that afternoon during my lunch break—ironically from the stationary store in Port Angeles where I'd bought all the pink pens. I picked up a packet of those too; Bella only had one left, after all.

I called her during my afternoon break, knowing her father had just left. She kept up a brave front, but it was obvious how upset she was.

"Do you still want to go out with Alice and Jazz tonight?" I asked her, hoping like fuck she didn't. Alice had arranged a double date—because that's exactly what I wanted to do on a Saturday night; feel up my girlfriend with my sister watching.

She sighed, sounding more miserable by the second to the point that I could feel myself growing tense. "I'd rather stay in. Do you want to hang out here? Uncle Billy's on night shift, so we'll probably have to babysit Jake and Ness. Is that okay…?"

"That's fine, baby. I'll get the little rat to drop me off."

She broke into soft sounding laughter. "You really shouldn't call your sister that, you know."

"Why, she is a little rat." I chuckled along with her, as I set out back to the Olympic Memorial Hospital.

When I reached Carlisle's office there was a note left for me on his desk:

**Edward, I'm going to be about 15-20 minutes late. Entertain yourself until I get there. Did you buy a journal?**

How freaking obvious. I snorted cynically, before opening up the damned notebook I'd just bought.

**July 29 2014**

**So I realized today that one of the things that pisses me off is Bella getting upset. What does that make me? A normal fucking sap who loves his girlfriend. I also just want to have sex with her. It's all I can think about—even when she's upset. What does that make me?**

**Male.**

Well that was fucking easy.

When Carlisle arrived at his office he immediately took note of the journal sitting in my lap and smiled to himself.

I guess he didn't expect me to take his advice.

"Oh good, you did get yourself a journal then," he commented, sitting himself behind his desk and clasping his hands together—fucking consultation mode again.

"Yeah." I shrugged.

He paused, seeming as if he was waiting for … something. When I didn't volunteer anything else, he extended his hand, asking, "Do you mind?"

The hell?

"Uh—yeah!" I stated matter-of-factly.

"Fair enough," he said, withdrawing his outstretched hand.

I sighed and tossed the journal on his desk, conceding—if only to get him off my back.

Putting on his reading glasses, he opened the book before a small smile lit up on his face then disappeared. "Very good, Edward," he said lightly, clearing his throat.

He didn't bother me on the ride home that afternoon; though, he made some veiled comment about being sexually responsible when he talked about the sixteen year old girl he saw that afternoon for Gestational Diabetes. I only smirked to myself, half rolling my eyes before agreeing with him. In truth, I wasn't too concerned about it. Bella was going to be the militant one about it—considering her obvious aversion to pregnancy.

"Bella's on birth control," I admitted casually. "I didn't pressure her into it or anything; she went and got it herself. I think the idea of getting pregnant freaks her out." And I had a sneaking suspicion she was more concerned about protecting herself from pregnancy than she was about having sex with me, but then again, sexual frustration did make me this pathetically fucking needy and paranoid.

I have no fucking idea why I decided to disclose all this to him. I guess it was a ploy to get him and Mom off my back by admitting that Bella, at least, had her shit together. Even if I didn't.

He turned to me with that freaking consultation, pay-by-the-fucking-hour expression on his face again. "Bella's a smart, responsible girl, Edward."

"I know," I said simply with a small smile. "Besides, our baby's coming in the mail."

**...**

"Brother Dearest…" Alice said smirking as she swung inside my room by the doorknob. "You ready?"

"Do you ever knock, you little ferret?" I replied, half rolling my eyes. "I'll be a minute."

This damn t-shirt made me look gay. Dragging it over my head and throwing it to the floor, I rummaged through my drawer looking for my "Big Pen" shirt, while Alice waited impatiently, huffing out her breath intermittently.

Fuck, it had Coca-Cola stains all over it!

"You are _not seriously_ going to wear that, are you?" the little rat commented, folding her arms across her chest with a raised brow.

I threw it at her, smirking to myself as it hit her square in the face, and pulled on the next shirt I picked up.

"Since when do you care how you look?" Alice asked after I'd shoved her out of my room, closing the door behind us.

"Since when is it any of your business, pixie-stick?"

She snorted but didn't say anything further.

**...**

"Do me a favor and drop me off before you pick up Jazz. I really don't want to have to sit through your fucking need to express your love for each other every thirty seconds," I muttered as I pulled the seat belt over my shoulder.

"You're such a barrel of sunshine, and need I remind you that I had to listen to Bella tell you multiple times last night—in the most sickening of ways, mind you. _I wuv you, Eddy Weddy, honey bear_."

Fuck!

I guess there was no point in telling her that Bella was only mocking me, mocking her jackass cousin and his girlfriend—who I'd have to fucking endure tonight.

"She was joking, Thumbelina," I said dryly, lowing my head and pushing my hand back through my hair.

"Yeah, yeah..." she mumbled, putting the key in the ignition and starting the engine. She drove for no more than fifty feet down the driveway before she stopped again and put the car into park.

I turned to her quizzically. "What?"

"I want to talk to you," she replied, turning to face me squarely.

I released my breath in one large frustrated gush. "Are you kidding me?"

She rolled her eyes. "Oh shut up. I heard mom and Carlisle talking about you earlier."

"What about this time?" I asked dryly, only mildly curious.

"Carlisle was sticking up for you, actually. He told mom that you were right when you said this is who you are, and she should stop worrying about you."

"Yeah?" I said, raising my eyebrows, surprised.

"Yep, though mom's still worried about you. She thinks you and Bella will rush off and get married as soon as you graduate—if you even make it to graduation, that is." She snorted back her laughter, obviously finding great fucking amusement in it.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I asked in semi disbelief.

"Yep."

"Why would she think that?"

Alice shrugged. "I dunno. She thinks whatever happened in Australia has made you and Bella unable to live without each other—or something."

I shook my head to myself, beginning to feel aggravated. "Well that's just fucking ridiculous."

"Not really, Edward. Do you realize how much you've changed since you met Bella?" she asked quirking her brow at me.

"How?" I retorted mockingly.

"Seriously, think back to before you met Bella—do you remember when we went to the Grand Canyon and you hooked up with what's-her-name? The red head? Rochelle?"

"Something like that," I muttered, fucking disturbed that Alice knew way too much about my sex life.

"You were a complete whore, Edward. You slept with anything with a pair of legs—then suddenly Bella comes along and the biggest slut in school, Jessica Stanley, can't even get you to budge." She stared at me, expecting me to respond, only I had no fucking idea what she wanted from me—and the fact that she'd brought up whore-house Stanley made me want to openly cringe.

"What the fuck is the point you're trying to make, Alice?" I burst.

She half smirked to herself, ignoring me. "Bella saw you coming a mile away."

I sighed, but despite my present aggravation at the little rat, I felt myself smile. "She did," I agreed, quietly.

"Do you see how much you've changed?" Her tone turned soft.

I shrugged one shoulder, conceding begrudgingly.

"You have no idea what the hell you're doing, Edward, because you're so far out of your comfort zone that you might as well be in Siberia." She was beginning to sound concerned this time, but all it was doing was irritating me.

"You too, Alice?" I said sarcastically. "You don't think I know how to handle this?"

She only smiled at me sympathetically—pitifully—that I wanted to strangle the little rat. "Not really…"

"Are you my fucking mother, Alice? Because between you and her I don't know who's fucking worse!" I snapped, turning myself violently away from her, huffing to myself angrily.

She sighed shortly, suddenly sounding pissed off herself. "My God you're such a hothead! No one can say anything to you!"

"Bullshit, Alice." I ran my hand roughly through my hair, thumping it back down on the dashboard before turning to her again. "I'm just sick of you, Mom and Carlisle making out I'm some kind of fucking defective who is incapable of having a fucking girlfriend!"

"No one has ever said that—stop being melodramatic!" she lost it and started yelling.

"Stop fucking yelling at me!" I hollered back, almost choking before breaking out into a reluctant smile at Alice's responding grin.

She laughed, half shaking her head before she shoved me playfully. "No one thinks that you're_ defective_, Edward. We're only worried about how much you've changed."

"Would you rather I was still a _complete whore_?" I added sarcastically.

Whore? I'd had sex with five girls—other than Bella. That didn't make me a fucking whore!'

Maybe it was six.

Or seven...

Fuck me sideways.

"No, _that_ change is good—except that you're so moody and uptight. That's why Mom's worried you're going to do something stupid—like get married." Her lips twitched, despite the serious charade the little rat tried to put on.

I snorted. "Yeah right. Where are we going to live? With the Chief and Jacob? I'll fucking pass thanks."

"Jesus, you swear a lot." She rolled her eyes, starting the engine again.

"Yes, Mommy."

She tutted, and proceeded down the rest of the driveway toward Jazmina's street.

Jazz climbed into the back seat, and before molesting my sister he turned to me. "Jeez, dude, could you look any hornier?"

I half grinned, exhaling shortly. "See, Jazz gets it."

"T.M.I!" Alice protested from beside me, before Jazz shut her up by slopping all over her.

Five fucking minutes later and before I burst an aneurysm in my brain, we were finally heading toward Bella's house.

* * *

**A/N: Oh Edward, typical male!**


	49. Starry, Starry Night

**A/N: There's a bit of contraband in this chapter. There's a smidge of song lyrics. What can I say? I'm a rebel at heart. In all seriousness the reference to Vincent (Starry, Starry Night) and all copyrights belong to Don McLean - not me!**

**This chapter is a bit of fluff and filler, but it also ties up some loose ends. Almost done, peeps.**

* * *

**Chapter 48**

**Starry, Starry Night.**

**Bella's POV.**

It's one thing to know your boyfriend is sexually frustrated, but quite another when his sister tells you. I mean, Alice didn't come right out and tell me I had to have sex with Edward, but when the words 'uptight' and 'edgy' get mentioned repeatedly, you kind of get the hint.

I didn't know who was more uncomfortable, me or Alice, but what I did know was that I had to rectify it, and as soon as possible.

Edward appeared to be hanging by a thread lately; it worried the hell out of me. He was such an emotional creature that everything he felt seemed to rebound within me, and I just couldn't, ever again, watch him fall apart. It had shifted me in such a way, making a huge impact on me, and now I carried that distant panic with me, as if I was dealing with the possibility of losing Kel all over again. Only this time it wasn't Kel I feared losing.

I had this dreadful feeling that Australia had been too much for Edward to deal with, and it was guilt as much as fear for him that was ripping me apart. I know we both had demons that we had to purge, but seeing Edward so vulnerable was just too much for me to bear, and more so because I felt like I was somewhat responsible for it. I couldn't let it happen again—if I could help it. He had been a mountain of strength when I needed him, and he'd gotten me past Kel's death—just as he promised me he would. I had made him a promise as well, to take care of him.

And take care of him I would.

The only problem was that I kind of had to watch Jake and Ness Saturday night. Uncle Billy had put his trust in me to help prevent making him an early grandfather by making sure Jake and Ness behaved themselves when he was on night shift. I kept them out of Jake's room, but they usually went for a "drive" not long into the evenings, giving me some relief from the slopping and slurping I usually had to be privy to while they worked themselves up. And with things only lukewarm—at best—between Edward and Jake, I was not very optimistic that the night would be anything less than a fizzer. But it was either that or a double date with Alice and Jazz, and Edward was always so tense around the two of them that I knew it'd put him in a bad mood.

Bad moods and Edward seemed to go hand in hand lately, but I think that was directly related to the whole "uptight" business that Alice had insisted on relaying to me.

I had spent my last day with my father distracted and preoccupied on when and where Edward and I could have sex again. Which, combined with the anxiety I was feeling over him leaving, made for a disturbing combination.

I made him breakfast on his last morning, and as I sat down with him to eat, trying to fight off the memories of Edward and I on our last night in Australia—as well as the resulting blush—he turned to face me squarely.

"Don't make the same mistakes I did, Isabella," he spoke in a gruff tone, and seeming to dismiss it at that, he began cutting up his meal.

_I was a mistake? Well of course I bloody was! Now, how am I going to get Edward alone with Ness and Jake going for it like rabbits for the half-time entertainment…?_

"Of course I don't mean you were a mistake," Charlie begun with a clearing of his throat, just as my face erupted into flames.

Did I just say that out loud?

His expression piqued. "Are you ok, Bella?"

"I-I'm fine, Dad," I replied, sounding just as overwrought as I felt.

Since when did I call him _Dad_, but then since when did he call me _Bella_?

Ok, I had to get a giant grip on myself.

Taking a deep breath, I collected my scattered rationality, and kept my focus solely on my father. "I just wish … you didn't have to go so soon…"

He nodded once, as if in understanding, before his expression darkened a little. "Just promise me you'll stay strong—and not let that boy control you."

Edward, control me? I almost wanted to laugh. He couldn't even control himself.

Oh god...

"He doesn't, but I promise," I answered, quietly, feeling my defence mechanism for all things Edward begin to stir.

"I actually expected you to be ... more assertive, now that you're away from your mother," he stated, continuing to gauge me closely.

He never minced his words, that's for sure, but assertive? Me? Did I even know the definition of the word? Only ... I _felt_ more assertive, but maybe it wasn't coming across…

In reply to him, I only half shrugged, meekly—in keeping with his assertions about me, at least. My mind was still struggling to stay centred on him and away from Edward.

He pulled in his chair roughly, creating a high pitched squeaking noise that made me jump. It was obvious I was disappointing him, so if it was assertive he wanted...

"What do you mean by _assertive_?" I asked him, raising my head and recalling the offense to his words that I had initially felt.

"You appear ... tractable, and you've been that way the entire time I've been here."

Tractable? What the hell did that even mean?

Seeming to read me, he elaborated. "Timid." He released his breath and went back to eating his eggs, while I suddenly felt two inches tall.

Bloody hell.

"I'm _not timid_!" I retorted, feeling my face deepen in response.

"I hope not, Isabella. You're my daughter, and someone who should be respected." He seemed spurred on by my reaction, only with a sinking feeling, I realised it was a veiled attack about Edward again.

And I didn't want Edward to keep me respectable—not in the sense that my father was suggesting anyway.

With sudden realisation, and a barely concealed sly smile, I decided to turn the tables. "Dad, are you trying to have a sex talk with me?"

His face suddenly turned beet red, making him look even more menacing, only I laughed. I couldn't help it. For the first time in my life The General seemed utterly speechless.

"It's fine, Dad," I reassured him.

He broke into a small wry smile and nodded to himself. "Is it? Do I have to be as worried about you, as his mother is about him?"

I felt my brow knot, suddenly plunged into insecurity again. "What did she…" I was positive Esme cursed the heavens the day I walked into her son's life.

"What I mean is, am I going to be walking you down the aisle anytime soon?"

I almost choked to death on half chewed bacon. "What...?" I croaked out eventually.

"This is what his mother seems to think is in the near future, so you tell me, Isabella?" he asked simply, though his tone was beginning to restrict.

"Well, she's bloody well overreacting. Edward has been my boyfriend for a _month_! Everyone is acting crazy!" I blurted out, pissed off at this assumption that Edward and I were so deluded and juvenile.

Marry him? Bloody hell, all I wanted to do was have sex with him again!

I dropped my head to my hand, rubbing my brow aggressively as I attempted to let the irritation go. When I looked back up, my father was smiling at me. I only blinked back in response as he went back to eating, with the remnants of his smile not waning throughout breakfast.

I guess I had answered correctly.

**...**

The General left an hour later, taking me into a big bear hug, before planting a tight-lipped kiss on my cheek. "Take care of yourself, Isabella," he spoke in a fractured tone against my ear before he released me.

I only nodded, fighting off the burning lump that was forming in my throat.

He tipped my chin, an almost tender smile breaking out across his eternally astringent face, and that was all it took before I completely fell apart before him.

As I buried my face in my hands, I felt him again take me against him, and wrap his arms tightly around me. "I'll be back for Christmas," he said gruffly, as my sobs continued.

I wanted to tell him not to go, and other childish declarations, but instead, I pulled myself together long enough to kiss his rough cheek, and watch him walk through the door, with that all too familiar void opening up in my heart.

Jacob was beside me, but it was only after I felt the weight of his arm slung over my shoulder that I became aware of him. "It'll be ok, Bells. You still have me—and _Cullen_."

I had a sudden sense of déjà vu. The tone he'd used when he mentioned Edward ... it reminded me of how my mother used to speak my name.

Feeling suddenly defeated, I released my breath, letting my shoulders sag. "Jake," I said with a sigh, not even managing enough energy to be irritated.

He squeezed me, almost to the point of forcing the air from my lungs. "I'm only kidding, cuz. Anyway, I wanna talk about something. You up for it?"

"Yeah, I'm just going to have a shower. Give me an hour," I mumbled before I headed towards the stairs, with all thoughts of sex with my boyfriend temporarily removed from my thoughts.

Not in the mood for Jake and his ever constant animosity for Edward, I locked myself in my room, catching up with Rach and Nummi on Facebook, before Edward called me in the early afternoon.

"Hey, baby cakes," he teased me in that all too sensual tone of his, only deepened with affection, "how you holding up?"

I chuckled softly. "You sap. I'm ok. How about you?"

"I'll live," he replied, sighing as he spoke.

"Poor baby."

"Do you still want to go out with Alice and Jazz tonight?" he asked me. He sounded less than enthusiastic, and didn't try and hide it.

I wasn't keen on the idea either—mostly because the sight of Alice and Jazz groping each other for the world to see was the ultimate mood killer. The only problem was, the sight of a clenched-jawed Edward really did ungodly things to me. I released my breath. "I'd rather stay in. Do you want to hang out here? Uncle Billy's on night shift, so we'll probably have to babysit Jake and Ness. Is that okay...?

I heard him exhale shortly into the receiver, picturing his smile on the other end of the phone. "That's fine, baby. I'll get the little rat to drop me off."

My _starry, starry night_ reverie was quickly broken by my laughter. "You really shouldn't call your sister that, you know."

He laughed gently. His laugh...

Like a moron I laughed with him, before wishing him goodbye and hanging up the phone. Dropping back on my bed, I let myself get carried away by every clichéd emotion that I once swore would never sway me, only to be interrupted by a knock on my door.

A moment later, Jake poked his head inside my room. "Bells, you ... never came back downstairs."

I sat myself fully upright and crossed my legs. "What's up, Jake?"

He was blushing...

He sat himself on the edge of my bed, before clearing his throat. "Are you staying in tonight, Bells?"

"Yeah..." I replied, feeling my brow pique.

He smiled, seeming happy by my answer, which only increased my confusion. "Is Cu—Edward coming over?"

I broke into a wry grin. "Yes."

His grin only broadened. "Oh good—"

"_Good_?" I interjected sceptically. "Okay, who are you and what have you done to my cousin?"

He broke into a half laugh, before shoving me playfully—almost knocking me sideways off my bed. "Bells..."

"What's this about, Jake?" I answered, chuckling shortly through growing confusion.

"I figured we could go ... quid pro quo, ya know?"

"Huh?" I answered blankly.

"If you and Cull—Edward go somewhere for, say, a couple of hours, giving me and Ness some privacy, then we'll do the same thing for you two."

"Ohhh..." Recognition hit me, but good grief, was I really discussing my sex-life with Jake?

He broke into an almost suggestive grin. "You get me?"

"I get you," I replied, rubbing my forehead to disguise my rapidly reddening face.

"I mean, you guys won't be really comfortable with me and Ness in the same room—and vice versa."

"No..." I said in agreement. "Okay, but on one condition, Jake."

"Name it." His beaming smile was back to being the dominating expression on his face.

I tried to force back the imminent groan by being in the presence of my horny cousin, but I failed miserably. Dropping my face to my hand, I massaged the cringes from my brow, groaning only half beneath my breath.

Jake only laughed. "Come on, Bells. We can be mature about this, huh?"

I raised my head, knowing my face was burning conspicuously. "Okay, well I have a list of groceries I have to get for your dad anyway."

"Okay—maybe you and Edward can get some dinner or something too?" He raised his eyebrows, smiling at me with a lot more innocence than what he was suggesting.

"How long do you need—good grief, am I really having this conversation?" I groaned loudly this time.

He broke into good natured laughter. "A couple of hours—tops, Bells, and what was that condition of yours?"

"Oh, yeah." I snapped my head up. "Okay, we'll do this, Jake, but you have to be civil to Edward. No_ Cullen_, or _princess _business, okay?"

His grin only increased, before he half rolled his eyes. "Okay, okay..."

I was guessing he figured it was worth being nice to Edward if he was going to get lucky, but he also solved my dilemma of when and where I could _ease Edward's tension_.

Jake enabling Edward and I to have sex.

Oh, how far we've come...

...

Edward arrived just after six, looking somewhat dishevelled, with an almost frazzled expression on his face. He looked tired.

"Hey," I said, softly, grabbing two fistfuls of his shirt and pulling him closer to me, just as he broke into a warm, askew smile.

I closed my eyes to kiss him, noticing his flicker past me over my shoulder as he notably tensed. No doubt aware of Jake's presence in the living room.

Sighing, I kissed him anyway, briefly on the lips, before grabbing his hand and pulling him inside.

His hand remained clasped in mine, while he shoved his other in the front pockets of his jeans. "Hey, Jake," he greeted him in a semi awkward way.

"Hey, Edward," was Jake's reply, with more courtesy in his tone than I had expected.

_He must really want some_, I thought to myself, internally shuddering.

"We'll be in my room, Jake," I said, tugging Edward behind me toward the stairs.

"Kay," was Jake's reply, failing to hide the hard edge from creeping into his expression as he glanced from me to Edward.

I threw him a quick scowl, with the warning behind it clear, almost grinning to myself as his expression quickly smoothed out in panic.

I had no sooner closed my bedroom door behind the two of us, when Edward literally ambushed me. One minute I had his tall, lean body holding me up against the door, and the next I was flat on my back in the middle of my bed with Edward pressing down on me in all his unmitigated hunger. It quite literally took my breath away, and I came close to losing myself in the moment of firm, hot lips and squeaky bed springs.

Squeaky bed springs ... that was _not_ going to work.

"Ed..." I began, but he was a master of distraction, erasing all thoughts from my mind, apart from the sensation of his hands as they glided up over my ribs, taking my shirt with them.

What had The General said about Edward controlling me...?

His locked muscles pressed further against me, while his large, unyielding hands navigated me as goose-bumps surfaced across my bare skin.

"Edward…." I breathed, not knowing whether it was a question or statement, and not caring, as Edward replied with a semi-mumbling groan; his voice rustic.

I was going under.

Starry, starry night ... paint your palette blue and grey, look out on a summer's day ... what would Jake and Nessie say…?

This bed really was bloody squeaky.

"Edward!"

It took all my will power to pull away from him, and even more to push him off me, but I wasn't prepared for the complete look of hurt and rejection that crossed his face. It reminded me so completely of the night at the Prom when he thought I didn't want to kiss him.

He removed his hands from beneath my shirt, pushing one of them against his forehead roughly. "Sorry, Bella…"

I pulled it gently away, forcing him to look at me. "Just be patient for a little while longer, okay? Jake and Ness are going to go out later on and give us some privacy..." I raised my brow, emphasising my meaning.

Recognition sparked immediately in his eyes only moments before they again darkened, and broken only by the grin growing across his face. "Okay, I'm sorry, baby," he replied with that lack of oxygen huskiness to his tone, before he dropped his face against my shoulder. His heated breath bathed the skin on my neck immediately in warmth, threatening to splinter my rationality again.

"Why are you apologising…?" I sighed, running my hand up over his back and into his hair.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, only to push his breath shortly through his nose in amusement, before I felt his lips press tenderly against my shoulder. "I've missed you…"

Starry starry night...

He was threatening to bring me undone. I shoved him, knocking him backwards against my ridiculously bloody noisy bed. "Stop it!"

"What am I doing?" he asked, breaking out into soft laughter.

"You know exactly what you're doing," I said, my lips twitching into a wry smile, before I pushed myself off my screechy bed, extending my hand to him as I did. "Come on, I have to go to the shops and get some groceries for Uncle Billy."

With his grin not waning, it skewed teasingly. "To the shops," he echoed me, doing a terrible rendition of my accent.

"Always mocking me," I said with a sigh, nudging him softly in the ribs with my elbow.

Chuckling, he grabbed me by my skirt, pulling me against his side, before he slung his arm over my shoulders.

As we stepped back into the hall he suddenly made this poorly concealed snorting sound. I glanced up at him, my brow quirked questioningly. He tilted his head closer to me. "What's with all the pictures of the blonde dude, babe?"

I broke into a small grin. "He's my secret night time lover. He watches me sleep."

His eyebrows rose dubiously. "You serious?"

Rolling my eyes, I nudged him again. "He's an obvious fetish of my cousin's. The room was filled with posters of him when I arrived." I felt my grin turn sly. "You're not jealous, are you?"

He snorted again. "You kidding me? He looks like that pissant, Newton."

My grin only grew broader in response, but I said nothing.

When we walked downstairs we were immediately confronted by Jake and Nessie slopping heatedly over one another just inside the living room—obviously too absorbed with each other to have overheard Edward's remark against Nessie's brother.

"Edward and I are heading out for a bit ... Jake," I called out to him, not really confident he'd heard me.

He had, and mumbled a slurpy sounding response just as I reflexively recoiled.

Quickening my step, I pulled Edward after me and out the front door.

"Jesus, I'm suddenly full of sobriety," Edward said, only half joking.

Smirking to myself in agreement, I untangled myself from his arms to pull my car keys from my handbag. "Yep."

"And I thought Jazzy pants and the rat were bad." He grinned to himself, climbing into the passenger seat.

I chuckled, pushing the key into the ignition. "You're terrible, Muriel."

"Who?"

**...**

"You know," Edward turned to me after I pulled to a stop in the parking lot out front of the local supermarket, "when you pull on your lip the way you do, it makes me fucking horny."

I turned to him, and he flashed me a fully brazen and cocky grin; reminding me of that pen-planting Edward I had first come to know.

Shaking my head lightly, and breaking into a slight grin, I scoffed the air through my nose cynically. "Yes, Edward Grey."

His eyebrows furrowed for the second time in five minutes. "Who?"

I chuckled this time. "Never mind."

We got out of the car.

"Do you think you could at least pretend to be even a little bit turned on when I try and charm you, baby cakes?" he said to me as he came around the back of the car and draped his arm over my shoulders.

Chuckling lightly, I leaned against him, before I looked up and fluttered my eye lashes teasingly. "Oh, Edward, you're such a spunk. Take me—take me now!"

Rolling his eyes, his grin pulled wryly. "Okay, okay… Forever owning my ass," he muttered.

I wrapped my arm around his back, grabbing a handful of his shirt in my fist. "Good grief, Edward, you charm the back teeth off me, but it doesn't mean I'm going to act like a brain-dead dag over it."

He made that breathy, snorting sound he always did when he was finding secret amusement in me. "Can you repeat what you just said?"

I huffed, releasing my arm from around him to fold both of them across my chest. "Shut up and go and get me a trolley."

There was a pause, and when I glanced back up at him he looked genuinely stumped. "I'm sorry?"

"Are you serious?" I reacted in a screechy voice—sounding oddly like my bed springs.

For one failed moment he attempted to fight off his blatant amusement, before he broke into a tender laugh. "Do you want me to get you a shopping cart, baby?"

He really did know how to charm me….

With a conceding smile, I nudged him teasingly. "Did you know all along?"

"That time? I was completely clueless," he admitted, before he bent down and pressed his lips to my ear. "And you really have to stop pushing your body against me the way you do. It's fucked up what it does to me."

Starry, starry night…

While Edward went to get a _shopping cart_, I attempted to pull myself together in Aisle one of Forks Thriftway. Not very successfully.

Twenty-five minutes later we emerged, with Edward, forever chivalrous, carrying the bags for me.

"Bugger!" I suddenly exclaimed. "I forgot the milk—and there isn't a drop left and Uncle Billy likes a coffee when he gets home."

"Okay, don't stress, babe. Do you want me to run in and get you some?" Edward asked.

I turned to him, pulling my car keys from my purse. "I'll get it. Can you put the groceries in the car for me?"

"Sure thing," he replied, taking my keys and flashing me that askew smile of his, while I turned to go back into the Thriftway, semi-starry.

I had just got through the checkout and was walking back through the entry doors, when an arm draped over me—an arm that I knew immediately didn't belong to Edward—before a sleazy voice spoke into my ear, making me instantly cringe. "So, Bells, I hear you and Cullen are over already. You ready to try out a real guy yet?"

Mike Newton!

Dropping the milk, I turned and shoved him. "Get your fucking hands off me!" I did the bed springs voice again, sounding exactly like my mother, as my face flamed hotly.

Mike only snorted arrogantly and opened his mouth to reply, when his eyes darted over my shoulder. An expression of alarm flickered across his face, and curious, I turned my head to see what had caught his attention.

Edward.

He was striding furiously towards us, and the expression on his face was nothing short of murderous.

Oh God…

I turned to face him, I heard my own voice speak his name, but he only moved me, pretty roughly, behind him. It was like trying to stop a freight train, and with a giant sense of déjà vu, and on impulse, I shut my eyes, just moments before that sickening, bone crunching sound assaulted my senses.

"Yeah—nice sucker-punch, Cullen!" I heard Mike holler accusingly.

When I opened my eyes, I was faced with Mike lying flat on his back, his nose bleeding profusely, with Edward leaning threateningly over him. But of course, Edward being Edward, he dragged him to his feet, only to punch him in the face a second time.

And it hurt him—physically.

I was suddenly filled with anxiety. Even though Mike was spread-eagled on his back groaning, with his hands covering his face—not even remotely posing a threat to Edward—I still feared for him. I could see the pain in Edward's eyes that he was trying to supress, and if Newton caught on…

"Lay one fucking finger on her again, you little fucking weasel, and I'll fucking _end _you!"

Bloody hell. He really knew how to make that one word into an erotic art form.

But his voice was thick and restricted. He was hurt!

My heart seized, and I lunged forward, grabbing him about the waist, pulling him backwards. "He isn't worth it, honey!" I pleaded with him, on the verge of tears.

He turned to face me, his expression smoothing out with tenderness and concern.

"Yeah—fuck you too, _Cullen_!" Mike spat from behind us.

Jesus, he really didn't know when to quit.

Edward's expression immediately hardened, and he made a move to turn back to him, but I grabbed his hand and forced him back.

"Edward … don't."

Releasing his breath and running an angry, rigid hand back through his hair, he relented, nodding, and allowed me to pull him away and back towards my car. With his arm wrapped around me, he walked stiffly—made more obvious by the tense, forced breaths he was pushing through his nose. His expression was dark, his jaw clenched, and as my heart hammered with each step we took, I wasn't entirely sure if it was in fear for him, or a sudden, all-encompassing desire.

He looked completely formidable when he was angry, but at the time, it just wasn't translating to me.

I nudged him, deliberately, pressing my body against him seductively, and emphasizing it tenfold.

He glanced down at me, a small knowing grin breaking through his stony expression.

"Bruiser," I murmured.

He did that breathy, snorty exhaling thing again, a broad smile growing across his face; only this time it wasn't from amusement, but affection. Then, turning to face me, and extending both his arms, I suddenly found myself locked between him and the hood of my car.

"Did…" his grin peaked, "you just call me _honey_?"

"You're hearing things," I teased him in reply, feeling myself becoming embroiled in the heat emanating off him.

"Sap." His eyes deeply canvassed mine, while his voice was gravelly again. Was he out of breath?

Was I?

Good grief….

"Cheeseb—"

He bent down and pressed his lips firmly against mine, effectively cutting me off; only to open his mouth and take me deeper ... and deeper.

Starry, starry night ... flaming flowers that brightly blaze ... swirling clouds in violet haze ... Edward's in a horny daze...

In the twilight of summer, beneath an unfamiliar starry night, we stood leaning up against my car, in the Forks Thriftway parking lot, putting Nessie and Jake, and Alice and Jazz completely to shame.

In my subconscious mind, I felt the cool breeze sweep over my skin, and somewhere in the distance, I heard the blaring sound of car horns, but all I could properly register was Edward's hard, unyielding body against mine, while being completely enslaved by his hands, his mouth, his oh so hot, hot skin….

And my noisy bed springs were going to be a hindrance!

* * *

**A/N: Am I evil? I have been umming and ahhing over another lemon. I might still do one, I dunno. Do you guys want another one?  
Oh and all Aussies, and those who've seen Muriel's Wedding should get Bella's meaning, as well as anyone who's watched The Secretary ;)**

**I'm terrible, Muriel.**

**The next chapter will be completely NEW. Holy shit! Better get cracking.**

**MWAH, Love yas.**


	50. Can't Fight This Feeling

**A/N: I wrote this chapter in 2 days-without a single neurotic, anal retentive episode over its contents. I have no idea what's going on, but I'll just go along for the ride, me thinks.**

* * *

**Chapter 49**

**Can't Fight This Feeling**

**Bella's POV**

Edward and I never made it back to my noisy spring bed; we never made it back home.

Edward drove. My bloody hands were shaking and he had insisted. It was a strange turn-on to see him driving my truck, but at the same time, it brought my attention to the state of his hand. It was bruised and swelling, reminding me of the time _I _had punched Newton in the face. Only being Edward's hand it began to stir up those conflicting emotions I constantly fought with: the sense of protection over him, and that all-consuming desire.

"Your hand…" I whispered, aghast.

"It's fine, baby," he said with a husky tone, squeezing it around the steering wheel as if to further reassure me. Then, after stopping at a red light, he turned to face me. "Where do you want to go?" His eyes were still ablaze; dark and intense.

Gazing into them, I came close to losing all equilibrium, before shaking my head lightly. "Anywhere."

I have no idea where Edward took us, but when he came to a stop and turned off the engine, we seemed to be deep in the forest. It was pitch black, with noises all around us that didn't come from humans.

I turned to him, a smirk forming across my face. "No one will hear me scream."

He broke into a full grin, with his forehead quirked as if he was thinking I was a little nuts. "That's the whole point," he said softly, his eyes dropping to my lips. "Now shut up, and no distracting me with that weird ass language of yours."

I flashed him a minimally serious scowl, and as he leaned towards me, I whacked him, before grabbing his shirt and pulling him against me.

I knew then, right at that moment, we weren't going to make it back home.

It quickly became heated and urgent, and I was becoming so charged up by the feel of him, the taste of him—the bloody smell of him that I was quickly surrendering, allowing him to take me under.

His face was so hot against mine, his mouth burning as he pushed his torrid breath into me. My heart was hammering, my pulse racing, and the arousal I was succumbing to was building rapidly within me. Each time he kissed me, as his tongue slid against mine, it practically jolted me as it expanded. I only pulled him further to me, curling my arm around the nape of his neck, craving his sweltering body against mine.

As he brought me closer to him, his hands inched beneath my shirt, before grabbing me in each palm. He wasn't as apprehensive with me this time; it was all desire and hunger, and I was just as responsive—just as reactive, being driven by the longing for him that was making me feel slightly irrational.

But it was cramped, and as I pulled him further to me, a sharp, gasping groan suddenly burst from him.

I immediately pulled back, my breath hitching, alarmed.

"Baby ... stop for a minute," he uttered with a restricted voice. His brow was bunched in discomfort, his hands quickly releasing from me to push himself off the gear stick.

The air gushed from my lungs, and forcing back the laugh, I pressed my lips to his shoulder, kissing his neck briefly before I again pulled back. "I'm sorry."

With his eyes still squeezed shut, his lips twitched slightly. "It's ok." His voice was husky, before his eyes opened.

Oh God, they were ignited—and once again reeling me in.

Grabbing the front of his t-shirt in my fists, I pulled him back to me, and being more conscious of what was in the way, he leaned his body against me.

He was so heavy and he seemed to be alight beneath his clothes, his muscles locked and rigid. Almost subconsciously, my hands inched beneath his t-shirt, before my fingers sought out every surface of his fiery skin.

Oh, God ... I wanted that warmth of him against me, to feel him heat me from the inside out, but there wasn't enough space, and it was becoming more of an issue than what I feared my screechy bed springs would be.

Eventually and reluctantly he pulled from my lips, his breath shallow, his face grazing against mine. "Let me ... work something out," he said huskily, his torrid lips pressing against my face before he severed them again. He was trembling, and I could barely contain myself.

"Hurry," I breathed, and I didn't sound like me—I didn't feel like me.

Getting out of the truck, Edward opened the back, before I quickly realised he was laying down the back seats. As clueless as I was, I didn't even realise it was possible.

Grabbing the bags of groceries I plonked them on the front driver's seat, just as Edward closed the door and turned to me. Taking my hands, he helped me climb over the front seats, but I ended up stumbling and came crashing against his chest, pushing him flat on his back.

I broke into soft, breathy laughter, as Edward's grin grew broad and way too charming. He only pushed it through his nose, like he always did. Always finding amusement in me, but this time it wasn't making me cynical...

"Do you know how much you really do charm me? It's criminal…" I admitted, my voice a breathless murmur, before I pressed my lips—my body flush against his.

He only exhaled shortly, and I could feel the grin on his face as his mouth remained locked with mine, but he didn't break off to respond.

I opened my mouth more to him, and with my eyes closed my senses were heightened; along with his lips and his hands, I was suddenly feeling the burning hot, rock hard epitome of him pressing against my stomach.

It quickly got away from us; an insatiable need fuelling us. I couldn't focus on anything but Edward; his mouth; his hands; his chest heaving against mine; and his body leaning unforgivably over me.

I was yearning for the closeness of his body with a desire that I was finding hard to comprehend.

But when did anything with Edward and me ever make sense?

Pulling me semi upright, Edward tore my shirt over my head—yanking his off almost as an afterthought—before he brought his lips and hands to my neck, my shoulders and finally over my breasts, as he attempted to unclasp my bra. From the front. Unable to get it off, he pulled back, taking deeper breaths to control himself for a moment, as he worked out how to get it off.

I didn't say anything at first; I just watched him becoming frustrated, his forehead knotting, as I fought the urge to laugh. But unable to hold it back, I dropped my lips to his naked shoulders, muffling it against his skin, before I grazed my lips to his ear. "It's at the back…"

He pulled me back to gauge me, and when I looked up to gaze into his eyes, he smirked, but his expression was so intense and completely flooded that it immediately affected me as if it was tangible.

Wrapping my arms tightly around his back, I pulled his mouth to mine again.

"You did that on purpose, you little vixen!" he breathed out against my lips before taking them again in his, as his hands slid around to my back where he unclasped my bra.

I only chuckled, half beneath my breath, before his fingers came to my face, guiding my mouth more open to him.

My bra slipped from my shoulders, but I didn't register it until his hands covered my breasts, taking me fully. It surprised me, and my lips paused against his for just a moment, before again I let myself completely yield against him.

The momentum was building within me, from the pit of my stomach; it was becoming an almost painful ache. It was something I had never experienced in my life before, but it was taking on a life of its own, and I was powerless—and unwilling to stop it. My entire body was crying out for him; it was suddenly all that mattered, a dominating force to feel him; to know him, and I was becoming inundated by it.

As it went higher, the need to express it almost became overwhelming, but with my mouth immersed by his, I could only give a voice to my breath as it hummed against his scorching lips.

He laid me back; I was barely aware of it, until the weight of him was suddenly against me. He was fumbling with his jeans, before he gathered up my long, flowing skirt, but I didn't let him go to make it easier. Even when he pulled from my lips to see what he was doing, I kept my face connected to his neck, his silken chest, inhaling him in, taking as much of him into me with each breath I took.

Clumsily and hastily I felt his hands drag my underwear from my hips, but again I didn't completely register it. I was distracted by my body's reaction to him; my heart was pounding, and my arousal was concentrating, making my breath hitch and become more audible.

Somewhere at the back of my mind my rationality was screaming at me to stay focused, not to lose myself in him, but it was futile. Edward had too much power over me, just as my father feared.

I was suddenly shrouded by the entire length of his blazing body as he came to rest completely above me. His chest merged with mine, his breath continuing to drench me until I was burning along with him, while his lips connected and reconnected with mine repeatedly; to my mouth, my face; my neck; and my shoulders. It was as if he was literally charging me up, and it was so overpowering, and so outside of my control.

It wasn't lost on me what we were about to do, and I found myself following the sensation of his hand as it gripped the back of my knee. With his mouth severing from mine, and resting against my forehead, he pulled my leg over him, and then…

Pain.

I felt him tear into me for the second time. It brought me right back down to earth, as I pressed my lips tightly together so he wouldn't know how much it hurt me. Instinctively, I locked up, closing my eyes, my breathing becoming tight and restricted, and when I tried to push past it, it only made the pain I was in more audible.

"Bella ..." Edward's hoarse, gravelly voice spoke to me, "baby, open your eyes. Look at me."

I did.

His eyes were so sharply blue, but it was almost as if he was in pain along with me; his forehead was creased deeply, and he seemed to be struggling to hang on to the air in his lungs.

"Relax … breathe…" he instructed me, his voice tender, but rigid.

Taking a deep, but constricted breath, I nodded. "I'm ok," I reassured him. I was, but I was becoming impatient.

When was this not going to feel so painful?

His mouth inched askew, his eyes warming before they closed and I felt his lips press to my temple.

He let it build again, kissing me gently, but deeply, distracting me from the discomfort of it until he was beginning to ignite that spark within me once more. Then slowly, with each movement he made, the throbbing pain of it began to ease away.

I let myself relax completely, allowing myself to feel the sensation of him, without fearing the pain that accompanied it. But like the first time, it began to overwhelm me. The magnitude of it, feeling him completely inside me, being so intimately close to me, was inundating me. I couldn't just feel the physical side of it. I couldn't help it; this connection—affinity—with Edward was too undeniable, too real.

Processing it from this perspective, I tuned into Edward's body as I gave him mine, feeling it building within him, taking over him, moving him to a higher place.

Closing my eyes again, I concentrated on his lips as they pressed to my face, his body that was encompassing mine—and the rocking of my truck that suddenly sounded like it was in pain. In fact, I almost laughed, smothering it against his bare chest as my breath rebounded off him and back against me.

I felt Edward's reaction against my lips, his breath gushing from his nose, just as his body began to quiver.

He moved suddenly with more force, making me almost flinch, while his arms that held himself against me began to shudder. He took one hard, restricted breath after another, releasing it audibly, just as an almost strained, guttural sound burst from him.

Just the sound of it alone brought my focus back to the pulling inside me—the hunger, but in the next moment he all but collapsed on top of me, his muscles unlocking as his hammering heart rocked against me; in sync with the pounding within me.

I let go of my breath, my arms encircling around Edward's quivering body, as he pushed his chest off me to plant his lips against my brow almost clumsily. His breath continued to flood me, making heat prickle to the surface of my skin, and again I wanted to cry. I didn't know why but I just felt engulfed, overcome and unable to properly comprehend it.

I was sure this wasn't what I was supposed to be feeling.

Focusing on Edward's heart as it continued to rock through me, I allowed my breathing to become calm and even. I was almost literally tingling, and a tender ache was growing out of me, but despite it, a smile began to form on my lips.

"Hey?" came Edward's warm, rustic voice again. I opened my eyes to see that bloody all too charming grin growing broadly across his face. "You're beautiful."

My smile turned wry, before I shook my head a little. "You're a sap." My voice was raspy.

His grin hedged with affection before a small frown grew on his face. "I hurt you again, didn't I?"

"Only in the beginning," I admitted. "Then … I liked it." It wasn't a lie.

His smile inched further, before his expression grew almost devilish. "You know," his tone lowered as he rested his forehead gently against mine, "there's stuff I can do to you that will make you _like it_ more."

My grin was just beginning to grow again when panic suddenly stalled my heart. "Edward—did you?!"

"What—did I what?!" he asked with increasing alarm.

"Did … you—use a condom!?"

In what seemed like disbelief he scoffed out his breath. "Of course I did, Bella. Do you think I'd do that to you?"

Taking a relieved breath, I pushed my hand through my hair, before wrapping it back over his shoulders. His skin was beginning to cool. "I'm sorry," I mumbled, sheepishly.

Shaking his head a little, he kissed me tenderly on my lips. "You're gonna kill me."

I had dropped the ball. I'd lost my focus, and what if Edward had as well?

Rolling off me and moving me with him, Edward pulled me against his side, but the minute the heat of his body left me I began to shiver. I was cold, but I think a part of it was the adrenalin coming back down, and I started to feel all overcome again.

Seeming to sense it, Edward decided to distract me. "Tell me all about those criminal things I do to you?" His voice was teasing, and I didn't have to see that all too sure of himself grin to know that it was plastered across his face.

I nudged him in the ribs. "You're hearing things again."

He broke into a short laugh, pulling me further against him as I continued to shudder.

I needed to keep a blanket or something in the back for future reference, but I was still unsure whether it was only because of the cold.

Bringing my hand to my forehead, I pressed my palm into my skin. "I'm sorry, Edward. I still feel like I'm semi virginal."

Why did I just confess that out loud?

He turned to look at me, his brow quirking with a dubious sort of amusement. "What are you on about? I like you being _semi-virginal_," he teased me, before rolling his sweaty chest against me and pressing his lips to my neck. "Oh, Bella, always thinking too much. Way, way waaaaay too much."

Feeling my brow crease, I flashed him a strange look, breaking into a small smile. "That sounds like something I'd say about you."

"You did," he murmured with a sly, teasing look in his eyes, before he pressed his lips to mine, and then again, longer and deeper.

Wrapping my arms around his neck, I curled myself against him. His skin was damp and pliable, and I buried my nose into his chest. He smelled woody and musky, and his body heat immediately warmed me again.

I let myself come completely down, savouring his mouth against mine, before his heated lips pressed to my face, and then to my neck. Then with what seemed like reluctance, he pulled back and released his breath, which quickly turned into a lazy sounding groan. "Okay, we better get your ass back before you get hypothermia."

I nudged him gently. "Always mocking me!"

**...**

Edward wanted to drive again—despite the fact that he didn't have a licence—and before he backed out of the forest road he'd parked us on, he turned to me, reaching out with his hand to cup the nape of my neck.

"Thanks, baby," he said, his tone soft and affectionate.

I smiled in return, flashing him a funny look. "What for?"

He half shrugged. "Just 'cause..."

"You're a dag."

His grin inched broader with amusement this time. "I have absolutely no idea what that word even means."

"It means you're a silly bear," I replied, imitating Jake's interpretation of it to Ness on my first day in Forks, before laughing as Edward's brow immediately quirked.

"That was terrible, Bella."

Stopping off first to grab a carton of milk, Edward drove us back to Uncle Billy's; who was waiting for us when we pulled up.

I turned to glance at Edward with concern. I knew immediately something was wrong; Uncle Billy had his hands on his hips, his head lowered, and as we got out of the car, he quite visibly sighed.

"Come on, Edward, I have to take you in," he said seriously, taking Edward by the upper arm and guiding him towards the police car.

"What?" I asked in disbelief, as my heart skipped a beat. "What for?"

"You too, Bella, come on." He held his hand out for me to follow.

I shook my head. "What's going on, Uncle Billy? What's Edward done?"

I looked over to Edward, but he didn't seem surprised at all; he appeared … resigned, and his jaw was set.

"Mike Newton's parents have filed assault charges against you, Edward," Uncle Billy explained sedately, with a sigh that suddenly appeared weary. "They are claiming you broke his nose, as well as his front tooth."

"He's lucky I didn't break his neck," Edward muttered, his face immediately darkening.

"The two of you can explain it at the station."

* * *

**A/N: K so I had to do another lemon (if you can call what I write, lemons, that is), Edward had one and so Bella needed to as well. It's her story as much as his, after all. Bella sees things completely different, doesn't she?**  
**Hope you liked, and you know your poison; review or lurk-it's all good.**

**Only one chapter left. It will probably be from Bella's pov. She started this story, and so I figured she should end it. Now I'm off to cry in my pepsi max.**  
**Love yas xoxo**


	51. Story of My Life

**A/N: This is part one of the end; part 2 will be from Edward. This story has been written over 5 years and I'm really just ready to have it finished now.**

**Yes ... One Direction ... but it's fitting.**

* * *

All those days watching from the windows  
All those years outside looking in  
All that time never even knowing  
Just how blind I've been  
Now I'm here, blinking in the starlight  
Now I'm here, suddenly I see  
Standing here, it's all so clear  
I'm where I am meant to be

**I See the Light - Tangled [Rapunzel]**

* * *

**Chapter 50**

**Story of My Life.**

**Part 1.**

**Bella's POV**

Uncle Billy decided not to press assault charges against Edward. Apparently Tyler Crowley, who was working at the Thriftway at the time, as well as the Store Manager both witnessed what had happened and were able to corroborate mine and Edward's statements. I also filled my uncle in on Mike's behaviour from the party on the night of Edward's accident, up until what had happened tonight.

He only gazed at me for a moment, his expression slowly growing dark before he released his breath. Slamming down his pen, he got to his feet and ushered me to the door. "Wait for me out here, Bella," he instructed me quietly, before turning his attention to Edward. "Edward, I have called your parents to come and pick you up."

"Great," Edward muttered as I sat beside him and grabbed his hand. "My mother's going to freak."

Freak was a slight understatement.

The moment Mrs Cullen walked into the police station with Carlisle following close behind, she pointed her finger at Edward, and stated in a cold, hard voice, "I'm in a good mind to leave you here all night!"

Edward's expression twisted, as a huff escaped his lips, just as Uncle Billy walked out of his office. "I won't be detaining Edward. He's free to go."

He motioned for Esme and Carlisle to speak with him, and as Esme passed Edward she glared at him. "Don't think this is the end of it, mister."

"Fuck my life," Edward muttered in response, releasing my hand to drag his back through his hair.

"Uncle Billy will explain it all. Don't stress," I said softly to him, but he remained unconvinced.

When he turned to me his expression was strained, his brow knotting. "You don't know my mother, babe."

"Hey," I nudged him playfully with my shoulder, "she couldn't be any worse than mine."

He broke into an immediate grin, pushing it through his nose, before wrapping his arm around me and pulling me closer to him.

Bloody hell he was hot. I often wondered whether he was running a fever.

Resting my hand on his leg, I relaxed against him for a moment, feeling him immediately tense the minute his mother reappeared from Uncle Billy's office.

"In the car—now, Edward."

He didn't move.

"_Edward_!" His mother warned; she suddenly looked incredibly intimidating.

"I'll get Bella to drop me off later," Edward replied defiantly, getting to his feet and tugging me after him.

Esme took a step closer to him, her eyes narrow, and her expression uncompromising. "Edward, I'm warning you now. Get your ass in the car right this minute!"

And because Edward was Edward, he snorted. "Or what? You'll drag me there?"

Esme looked like that was exactly what she was about to do, when I interjected with a resigned sigh, "Edward, just go, and ... call me later tonight."

This is when Mrs Cullen turned her eyes to me. They were stone cold, and emotionless, immediately reminding me of Edward's the afternoon of condom testing. She took a step in my direction, as a ripple of panic spread through me, causing me to impulsively stumble back from her; finding myself against my Uncle. "Oh no, Bella. Edward won't be calling you—or anyone—for a _very long time_."

"Mom—Jesus!" Edward exclaimed angrily, before his gaze met mine, his expression contrasting into guilt. _I'm so sorry,_ he mouthed to me.

I only nodded quickly, with a sense of uneasiness growing within me that everything around me was falling apart.

It was a familiar feeling.

Uncle Billy placed his hands over my shoulders, his breath leaving him. "Okay, everyone needs to calm down. Mrs Cullen, I can understand where you're coming from, but this isn't helping."

Esme's narrowing eyes rose to my uncle's. "Thank you, Chief Swan, we'll handle it from here."

"This is such _bullshit_!" Edward suddenly burst. His eyes were burning, making him appear close to tears. "If you think I'm going _anywhere_ with you—you're kidding yourself!" And with that, he turned around and left the precinct, slamming the door aggressively as he went.

I flinched, before immediately pulling from my uncle's arms and going after him, hearing Mrs Cullen burst as I left, "He's going to kill himself over that girl!"

_That girl?_

Edward was walking about thirty feet ahead of me, the anger immersed deeply in his strides, his posture—in every rigid muscle of his body.

Running towards him, I called out his name; he stopped walking and half turned to me just as I reached him.

"Hey—where are you going?" I asked him, deliberately making my tone gentle as I fought to catch my breath.

He turned to me fully and grabbed my upper arms. His expression was completely overrun, his eyes intensifying with the emotion of it. "What was I supposed to do—let that _fucking pissant_ put his hands on you? What was I supposed to do?" He was on the edge of control and it was scaring me.

Nodding, I grabbed his t-shirt in my hands, pulling him closer to me. "I know—I know—Edward, please calm down." My tone broke. I couldn't stand this—to see him like this.

He pulled me to him roughly, folding me against his hammering heart and his burning skin, as his heated breath flooded over me. "I'm sorry, Bella! I'm so sorry."

He was on the verge of tears.

Jesus, what was I doing to him?

"Edward—bloody hell," I burst, feeling myself becoming inundated with fear and anxiety for him. This person who was ruled by such a passionate, dominating heart, and who had made me whole again had become so ingrained in who I was now. It was as if my heart was now rigged as a receptor to his, unable to function independently. It scared the life out of me. "It's okay—really, it is."

I pulled him off the road under the canopy of a line of maple trees. He was breathing stiffly, his jaw set, with his hands on his hips, continuing to struggle, only his eyes were drowning, making him appear so incredibly vulnerable.

I kissed him, over and over, repeatedly, feeling his body tremble against mine as he fought the onslaught of emotion. Edward would never be in full control of his emotions—I knew this now, and understanding it helped me to calm him down.

This was just who he was.

Severing my lips from his, I moved back to see his face, telling him adamantly, "Don't let yourself get so upset—you didn't do anything wrong."

He only gazed at me for a moment before he nodded, expelling his breath warily. "I suppose I should just let my mother get it out of her system."

I mumbled out a humming reply, immediately relieved, before dropping my gaze to his chest where I smoothed down his t-shirt. "I'm beginning to think you and your mother are a lot alike." Looking back up, I met his eyes again, my smile turning wry.

He laughed, the timbre of it soft as it rocked gently from his chest. "I'm sure she'd like hearing that."

Kissing me tenderly, but briefly on the lips, he encircled his arm around my shoulder and turned us back towards the Police Station again.

Carlisle was waiting by his car watching us approach, and seeing him Edward suddenly burst, sounding more like his old self again, "I'm not going to fucking apologise for anything."

"You'd better not!" I replied lightly, sighing beneath my breath. As ironic as it was, I definitely preferred his short temper.

"Everything OK, Edward?" Carlisle enquired when we came to a stop beside him.

Edward only jerked his shoulder in irritation.

"I've calmed down your mother, she and Chief Swan are talking inside for a moment—he's a fair man," Carlisle elaborated.

"What a great story," Edward replied, with blatant sarcasm.

"Edward," I whispered to him, nudging him gently in the ribs.

A small smile lit up on his face before he turned to me, planting his lips on my temple for a moment. "See-ya, Babe. I'll call you soon," he said lowly, before he opened the back door to the Mercedes and got in.

Carlisle took a sedate breath, before turning his clear blue eyes to mine and offering me what appeared to be an empathetic smile. I returned it before turning back to Edward where it grew broad across my face. He grinned back, winking, but his expression still remained guarded.

Sighing and feeling weary, I turned to walk back inside the precinct, only to find myself staring into the intense green eyes of his mother.

She flashed me a strange sort of smile, that I think was meant to be some kind of farewell, but all I could hear in my mind was, _that girl, that girl, that girl; that girl who's going to kill him._

I glanced down eager to sever her gaze, feeling awkward and unsure of myself, and hating the fact that I did.

"Goodbye, Bella," I heard Mrs Cullen say, and her tone was hard but still courteous.

"Goodbye," I spoke softly in return, before I again met Edward's eyes through the window. _Bye_, I mouthed to him, flashing him a warm, parting smile.

_I love you_, he replied.

I didn't respond to it. I'm not sure why; maybe because I feared it was the reason this was all happening.

**...**

Uncle Billy drove me back home several minutes later, and the atmosphere inside the car was strained.

"Are you going to tell my father what happened tonight?" I braved as he pulled up in front of the house.

"No," he answered matter-of-factly, before sighing deeply and explaining further, "despite Edward's history, Bella, how he acted tonight wasn't unusual."

With a relieved sigh beneath my breath, I opened the door, turning back to flash my uncle a grateful grin.

"Where's Jake and that girlfriend of his?" he queried after returning my smile with added warmth.

"I think they went to the movies," I lied quickly. I didn't know where they'd gone, just that—in keeping with my agreement with Jake—they'd gone to give me and Edward some privacy.

Privacy we no longer needed...

After Uncle Billy dropped me off, I retrieved the groceries from the back-seat of my car, where they had remained, and headed inside.

Jake and Ness weren't home.

I was restless. After putting the groceries away, I cleaned the living room of cheese ball crumbs, and empty cans of cola, mentally calculating how long it would take Edward to get home, be lectured by his parents, storm around angrily in his room and then calm himself enough to call me.

I put it at an hour.

But after an hour and a half I still hadn't heard from him, and becoming more anxious I called him. Three times it went straight to his voice mail, and for a moment, forgetting myself I took note of his message with a knowing grin forming on my face; I hadn't heard it before.

**It's Edward, what's so important?**

Though, after a fifth time hearing it I was no longer seeing the humour in it, and gave in, calling his house.

Esme answered.

"Hi, Mrs Cullen, I-I was just … w-wondering how Edward was," I said, stumbling for words.

"Edward is fine," she replied curtly, "but I'm sorry, Bella, I don't think it's a good idea that he speak to you at the moment."

My heart paused, and I faltered; I opened my mouth to respond, but I had no words, and in the next moment she hung up.

Blinking, I drew in a shaky breath, feeling the sting of it. I valued Mrs Cullen's opinion and I had a high respect for her, and to have her think lowly of me, shook me more than I wanted to admit. It made me doubt myself.

Refusing to succumb to tears, I headed into the kitchen for a tissue, knowing it was inevitable. I felt pathetic and ashamed without fully comprehending why, but it should have been clear; it was always how Renee made me feel.

Grabbing the entire box of tissues from the kitchen counter, I headed to my room. It was then that my phone rang, making me almost fall backwards down the stairs in my eagerness to answer it.

Alice.

"Hey, Bells, I couldn't remember whether Edward said you were dropping him home or if I was," Alice blurted in a cheerful voice before I was able to speak a word.

"Alice!" I suddenly exclaimed, my tone becoming seeped by anxiety, and in a rush, I explained everything.

"Oh ... fuck..." she mumbled sounding impatient but uneasy. "I'd better get home."

"I'm worried about him, Alice," I stressed, feeling close to tears. "Please let me know what's happening!"

Edward could so easily lose it, and he was so unpredictable and impulsive.

"My mother's an idiot!" she suddenly blurted in uncharacteristic hostility, before her tone softened. "I will, Bella, I promise. Talk soon."

Forty minutes later Alice called back.

I'd called Edward a further five times; each time it went straight to his message bank. It was obvious his phone was switched off and he didn't have it on him. I had no other choice but to wait for Alice, and I'd been so frozen in fear and anticipation the whole time that when she finally did call I almost fell apart.

"Bella, I have Edward with me, and we're on our way over. He wants to say goodbye."

"_Goodbye_?" I repeated, my voice rising in panic before catching. "Where's he going?"

"We'll be there in five minutes."

I waited outside on the porch in my pyjama pants and singlet top shaking, my arms folded across my chest in vain, but it wasn't only from the cold. It was a long five minutes, but Alice pulled up right on time, and in the next moment, Edward was out of the car and walking up the path, his expression completely flooded—something that immediately reacted in me.

I pulled him to me, my hand wrapping around the nape of his neck, just as he dragged me against him, engulfing me in his arms.

"I'm sorry, baby," he said, his voice husky and too compromised, before his lips enclosed over mine, and then again longer and deeper, repeatedly, taking me willingly into him; into his passion, his intensity, his ever constant warmth.

"Edward…" I broke away, breathlessly, turning my head so that his lips pressed against my cheek, "what's going on?"

Tears were spilling aimlessly down my face—I hadn't even been aware of them.

He stopped and seemed to gather his breath in resignation, gently wiping my tears away with his fingers. "Come inside... You're freezing."

We'd walked no more than five feet into the house when I turned him back to me. "Tell me," I whispered with a growing sense of trepidation.

Taking another deep, subdued breath he began, "Tomorrow, I'm going to Vermont"—I felt my expression immediately transfix in dismay—"it's just for three weeks, baby."

Exhaling heavily, my shoulders slumping with it, I let my gaze fall to the floor. "Your mother wants to get you away from me…"

"No," he tipped my chin, making me look at him again, "... come and sit down for a moment."

Wrapping his arm around my shoulders he led me to the lounge, where I sat beside him, one hand on his leg; the other flat to my forehead in a vain effort to hold myself together.

"Bella, my mother just thinks my fucking personality is some kind of syndrome, but if I don't do this she won't get off my back. She's threatened to send me to Military school next year"—my heart stalled—"even to one of those three month camps in the middle of fucking nowhere, where they come and physically drag you there. I-I have to prove to her thatI'm not_ out of control_." He quoted with his fingers sarcastically, rolling his eyes, before he slung his arm back around my shoulders.

"I-I thought Uncle Billy explained to her what happened?" I asked, feeling suddenly over wrought, the pitch of my voice reflecting it.

His expression darkened further, before he shrugged his shoulder, looking defeated. "She won't listen, baby."

"What's ... in Vermont?" I asked, placing my hand to his cheek, my fingers burying into his hair.

His eyes again met mine, sombre, resigned. "My Uncle runs a camp for kids with Autism. I'm going to be a counsellor—I guess you could say."

"So, it's like a summer job?"

He scoffed shortly, bitterly, moving his hand from around me to push his fingers into his ridged brow. "No, more of a fucking punishment."

I only sighed, my hand dropping from his face to his shoulder, where I bowed my head, disheartened.

"Baby ... I've just got to do it, but she promised me that if I go I will only have to work with Carlisle for three days a week when I get back. Plus"—I rose my head to look at him again, hopeful—"Jazz agreed to go with me."

I nodded slowly, managing a half a smile, before shrugging a shoulder. "It doesn't sound too terrible."

"Yeah, and it's just for three weeks," he conceded, but with a gentle smile.

I returned it for a moment longer, before I dropped my gaze, pushing the heel of my palm into my forehead. "I hate that she thinks I'm so terrible for you."

"Bella..." he huffed good-naturedly, cupping my cheek and forcing my eyes back to his, "she doesn't think you're bad for me—she thinks _I'm_ bad for you."

I felt my brow knot. "Why are you bad for me?"

"I don't know, you tell me." He shrugged, his smile inching broader and hinting with his all too familiar charm.

"Well," I answered, my tone dropping teasingly, "you _do_ drive me crazy, but that's just a given."

His grin turned broad and toothy, before he chuckled softly, pulling me into his arms again. "Anyway," he said after a moment, his face buried against my hair, "It'll all be worth it the next time we see that _fucking weasel_, Newton."

I laughed gently, before I grabbed the front of Edward's t-shirt in my fists, and pressed my face against his chest, breathing him in deeply. For a moment, I kept my thoughts focused on the present, telling myself there was nothing to overreact to, but a sense of inevitability began to wash over me.

"It isn't going to work, is it?" I asked close to tears, again looking up to meet his ever intense gaze, elaborating, my voice almost failing me. "You and me..."

A burdened emotion flashed across his face, his brow creasing further with it. "Why would you say that, Bella?"

I shook my head, trying to hold off the tears as I did. "Because ... I have too much baggage—and I bring out the worst in you."

He expelled the air in his lungs into a frustrated sounding sigh. "Bella ... no one said we had to be perfect. I know I'm a bad tempered prick most of the time, and you're a stubborn little rat"—his lips twitched slightly, causing me to break into a small smile—"but everyone has shit to work on, and we're no different."

I gazed into his eyes for a moment longer, nodding, and biting down on my bottom lip, my brow heavily creased to prevent myself from crying. It didn't work, and Edward immediately encircled me in his arms.

"Do you want us to work?" he asked softly after a pause, and there was a vulnerability in his tone.

"Of course I do," I replied passionately, gripping him to me tighter, before pulling back to look at him. "I just want _one week_ without something happening that pulls us apart, and where I feel like I have no control over _anything_!" My voice rose in frustration; it was a vent I needed, but it only made me feel more inundated.

Nodding in understanding, he curved his hand around the back of my neck, pulling me against his chest. "I know, baby..."

Taking several deep, wavering breaths, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to calm, focusing on Edward's hands as they ran through my hair, and his lips as they pressed against my brow, my temple, my cheek ... until slowly the kinetics of my senses began to shift—just as they inevitably did with him.

Lifting my head I ran my nose up along his neck before I stopped, pressing my lips to his skin just below his ear. His body temperature seemed to increase in just those few moments—increasing at the base of his throat where I placed my lips next, in his face that pressed to the top of my head, and in the palm of his hand as he guided my mouth to his.

He was burning, and my body immediately reacted to it, creating a fire within me, a need; that ever constant yearning...

And in the next minute we were stumbling up the stairs, kissing deeply, heatedly, blindly. As usual I was only half aware of what I was doing, fuelled forward and controlled by the sheer physical desire and hunger for Edward and nothing else.

By the time we got to my room, with Edward collapsing on top of me in the middle of my bed, he was already topless, his shirt on the stairs along with my pyjama bottoms, his jeans falling to his ankles. As he maneuvered himself to remove his shoes, with his lips not severing from mine, the sound of my bed springs began to drown out the rushed sound of our breathing.

For a moment I was oblivious to it, content to lose myself against Edward and the sensation of his hands over me, his mouth taking me further, until his lips paused over mine, and the air suddenly burst from his nose as he silently laughed.

"Oh, fuck no..." he mumbled semi against my mouth, continuing to chuckle. Pressing his lips one more time to mine, he pulled himself off me, grabbing my hand as he did, before he hauled my mattress off my noisy spring base, letting it drop to the floor beside it.

"Better?" he murmured, his grin growing askew, before drawing me into his arms again and planting his searing lips against mine.

"Better," I pulled back briefly to reply breathlessly, while Edward used the opportunity to peel my singlet top over my head.

I curled my naked torso against his for a moment, content to feel his supple, heated skin against mine as his fingers grazed up and over my body. Eventually, I allowed his hands to delicately inch between us, run over my breasts, where he cupped them to my face and enclosed his parted mouth again over mine.

"You okay...?" he murmured as he slid his nose to the other side of mine to reconnect our lips.

I only hummed breathlessly in reply into his mouth, closing my eyes and surrendering myself more to him.

I allowed him to take control, as I slowly emerged from the complete abstraction of longing and desire to prepare myself physically. I let him keep me as distracted as I could, so I wouldn't focus on every action he made—so I wouldn't clam up—in hopes that it wouldn't hurt so much this time.

It did anyway. The moment he pushed into me, I immediately locked up, sucking in my breath. In fact, it hurt more than it did in the back of my car earlier; it was beginning to frustrate me.

I tried my best to mask it from him, while attempting to release myself from the sensation, but I wasn't fooling him.

He paused and rested his lips heavily on my forehead. "Relax ... Bella."

"I'm fine—shhhh, stop worrying about me!" I snapped.

Exhaling shortly through his nose in obvious amusement, he moved into me again, deliberately slowing himself down.

I concentrated on his chest as it pushed repeatedly up and against mine, his hot breath as it flooded over the side of my face; and his hands as they entwined around mine, squeezing...

It wasn't about physical pain or even desire for me, but having this moment with Edward, letting him in and embracing this intimacy with him. It still surprised me how much I yearned for it—how much I craved that connection with him.

He was going longer than he had earlier, and he was getting tired. His body was becoming heavy over me and beginning to shake, his face dragging over mine, while I could feel his heart pounding from every pore of his dampening skin. It was then that he seemed to almost literally explode, physically and verbally reacting to it in such a raw and rustic way that it ignited that spark in me where his was dimming.

"Fucking hell..." he managed to utter breathlessly, relaxing his entire weight on me as his heart continued to hammer rapidly within him.

I released my breath fully, physically relieved it was over, but as usual, emotionally engulfed. Running my fingers into Edward's dampening hair, I cradled his head to my chest as he came down. He seemed to be barely conscious, and as I pushed my fringe back from my face, feeling more and more overwhelmed, I ended up in soft laughter.

"What's so funny?" he mumbled, sounding almost drunk.

"You. You're a wet noodle," I teased him affectionately, wrapping my hand back around his neck.

"I love you, baby…" he half spoke in a murmur, half hummed.

I chuckled softly, pressing my lips to the top of his head. "You're not in full control of your reason yet, Eddy Weddy, honey bear."

"Sap..." he mumbled with even less coherency.

A moment later he fell asleep flush on top of me and still inside me, snoring softly as I caressed my fingers gently over his brow and into his hair.

He was so heavy I was beginning to feel suffocated, so after successfully managing to roll him off me, without fully waking him, I succumbed to the pulling of exhaustion and went asleep curled in his ever thermal arms.

**...**

We were awoken an hour later by that bloody ridiculous sounding rap song that was my iPhone ringtone.

Jolting against me, Edward rose his head groggily, looking around the room with his brow knotted.

"What the hell is that noise?" he mumbled.

"My phone. Can you get it?" I murmured into his chest, sleepily.

It was sitting on my bedside table.

Pulling his torso off me, he reached out and grabbed it. "Alice," he said in a croaky voice before putting it to his ear.

She was coming to pick him up.

With a reluctant sigh, Edward pulled himself off me, and with the absence of his body heat I was immediately cold. Shivering, I rushed to cover myself with my doona, my eyes not leaving his naked silhouette from the dim moonlight as he yanked on his jeans.

He left my bedroom, returning a moment later pulling his t-shirt over his head one handed; my pyjama bottoms were in his other.

"Might not want to leave these where your uncle will find them," he said, kneeling down to me, a sleepy, charming grin growing across his face.

I smiled back with added affection, wanting to pull him back to me for five minutes more, but grudgingly, I pulled myself to my feet and hastily got myself dressed.

We waited on the porch for Alice, just as I had done a couple of hours earlier, and when she arrived, Edward drew me tightly into his arms.

"It's just for three weeks," he reminded me in a husky whisper.

With my face pressed to his chest, I nodded in resignation, taking a deep breath in and clinging to him for a moment longer.

"You're not gonna go all sappy on me now, are you?" he teased me in a tender voice.

I laughed gently, shoving him playfully, before pushing off him and tilting my head back to meet his lips. It was brief, before his kiss connected to my cheek, my forehead, then back to my mouth, where it deepened and lingered.

Stretching on my toes, I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him tighter against me, as I opened my mouth to his further, wanting to prolong this moment for as long as I could.

Again he rested his lips against the top of my head momentarily, before he inevitably released me, and turned to walk down the steps.

Grabbing his hand I pulled him back, again stretching up to whisper into his ear, "In three weeks we'll no longer need condoms."

He moved back to look at me, his grin becoming sly and mischievous, before he replied in a teasing murmur, "In three weeks I will make you scream my name so loudly, Nummi and Rach will hear you all the way in Rocherrie."

My eyes immediately widened, causing him to break into soft laughter

I nudged him, my smile becoming wry. "Hurry back, stranger."

He kissed me one last time, tender, but brief. "Later, alligator."

Again he turned to leave and again I grabbed his hand.

"I love you," I told him when his eyes again met mine. My voice was soft and a little too affected.

His smile this time was charming, but almost sad, before he teased me, "_Bloody hell_, babe, you're becoming such a cheeseball."

"Always mocking me." I pushed him playfully, the wryness to my grin quickly turning affectionate

It was inevitable.

He chuckled again, lightly, tipping my chin before he finally turned to leave.

I stood on the doorstep and watched him go, fighting to keep the emotion from reflecting on my face. He threw me one last affectionate grin, and then he was gone, and a thought immediately penetrated my mind.

Was this how I looked to Kel the last time I saw her before I left for the U.S.?

**...**

I trudged back upstairs to my room, demanding I stop acting like a drama queen, my brow aching as I stubbornly repressed my tears.

This would be good for us, I told myself repeatedly. We'd been through so much for such a short time of being together, after all; a break would be good.

It'd set us on a new, more positive trajectory.

My room was in a shambles, and it helped lighten my mood as my mind replayed the last moments I'd had with Edward as I tidied it up. In fact, I was so caught up in it, that when Jacob came through the front door, slamming it so hard the entire house shook, I almost jumped ten feet out of my skin.

In surprise, I pulled open my door just as he was walking passed. His jaw was clenched, his face flushed and contorted, looking nothing short of irate.

"Jake, what's—" I managed to ask, before he disappeared into his bedroom, slamming that door with as much anger, making me wince.

With an internal groan that quickly became audible with frustration—knowing exactly what this was about—I knocked on his door quietly, hesitantly. "Jake? Can I come in?"

"Yeah, Bells," he replied. It didn't sound like him at all; there was a bitter edge to his tone.

Apprehensively, I opened the door; Jake was sitting stiffly on his bed, his head resting in his palms.

Sitting beside him, I wrapped my arm over his drawn shoulders. "You know what happened tonight, don't you?"

"You mean Cullen beating the crap out of that dickwad, Newton? Yep!" he spat.

I paused with uncertainty, before I breeched, "Are you angry at him?"

"At who?" He removed his head from his hands to look at me. His dark eyes were blazing. I'd never seen him like this before.

"Edward," I answered quietly.

He scoffed sarcastically. "Of course I'm not—he did exactly what I would have done."

Taking a relieved breath, I tightened my arm around him, making my voice more consoling. "But Nessie's angry..."

"Nessie wanted me to kick Edward's ass, and when I told her I wouldn't she broke up with me," he stated bluntly, his tone void of emotion.

"What?!" I exclaimed, immediately annoyed.

He shrugged shortly.

"Oh fuck that!" I burst, getting off his bed and striding angrily into my room, where I snatched up my phone.

Nessie answered after the third ring, already sounding defensive. "I don't want to talk about it, Bella!"

"Well too bad, because this is _bullshit_, Nessie!" I snapped.

"Oh give me a break, Bella," Nessie retorted, her tone sarcastic. "You're blind when it comes to Edward, and you've brainwashed Jake. I hope you're happy!"

I huffed out my breath, pissed off and struggling to control my sudden anger. "I'm blind am I? What do you think Jake would do if Edward put his hands all over _you_?"

"That's not what happened!" She snorted, mockingly.

"_The hell_?" I screeched. "_I _was the one he did it to—why do you think Edward wasn't charged with anything?"

"Um … maybe because your uncle is the chief of police," she answered, her tone turning patronising.

I was fuming. "Okay, first—that's a huge insult to Jacob's father, and second, Edward wasn't charged because the manager of the Thriftway, as well as several employees, saw what happened_."_

She was quiet, and the longer she was the more pissed off I became.

"Nessie, me and Edward have _nothing _to do with you and Jake," I ranted, "and you have no right to put Jake in that position—you know, you mustn't really love him like he loves you, because when your asshole of a brother was going around spreading lies about me, Jake never once threatened to break up with you if you didn't make him shut up."

More silence.

Exasperated, my patience snapped. "Well since you have nothing else to say, I'm going. I've had enough bullshit for one night!" I hung up, throwing my phone on my bed in disgust and whirling around with my arms crossed, fuming further to myself.

"Thanks, Bella," Jake said, his tone softer.

I looked up and caught his gaze as he stood in the door way, a begrudging smile on his face. I only smiled back in reply, before I walked over to him, pulling him down to wrap my arms around his back. "I'm sorry, Jake."

"It's not your fault, Bells. This was coming for a while," he admitted, squeezing me in return.

I pulled back to gaze at him quizzically. "It was?"

"Yeah," he said simply with half a shrug. "Wanna chat?"

"Sure."

While Jake sat in front of the TV flicking through channels, I headed to the kitchen. Making two cups of cocoa, and grabbing a tub of choc chip ice cream from the freezer, I joined him in the living room.

"This is how us girls do it," I said lightly, setting it all down on the coffee table and handing him a spoon.

He took it with an abashed grin, and after taking several mouthfuls of ice cream in silence he finally spoke up, meeting my gaze earnestly. "The truth is, Bells ... I've been thinking of breaking up with Ness for a while."

I almost choked on my hot chocolate.

"Um—what?" I uttered in disbelief.

He chuckled lightly, shrugging his shoulders. "It's true. I mean she's so possessive and jealous. I can't go anywhere with the boys without her hounding me to make sure I'm not with no other girls."

"Really?" I asked, feeling my brow quirk. "You never said a word, Jake."

"Well, I didn't want to bother you, Bells—I mean, with your pal in Australia..." he abandoned it, breaking my gaze and rubbing the back of his neck.

"Yeah..." I mumbled quietly, with a tightening in my chest that I pushed aside stubbornly.

He took a gulp of his cocoa, seeming in contemplation, and when he met my eyes again he expanded on it, "Everyone thinks we're really—what do you call it? Sloppy?" His lips twitched ironically. I only laughed shortly and nodded for him to continue. "But it's her more than me. I mean, I won't say no"—his expression turned devilish for a moment—"but it's _all the time_."

I nodded in understanding, remaining almost incredulous. "I never expected this—ever, and this afternoon you made that arrangement with me..."

He blushed, his grin lopsided and sheepish. "Yeah, I mean, I kinda wanted to make it work, because I like having a girlfriend."

I shook my head to myself, my thoughts probing back over the last several months regarding him and Nessie. "I had no idea she was so possessive," I finally admitted.

He nodded emphatically. "Hell yeah, she is. Like, last week when I was out with Sam and the guys at the movies, she turned up—and she always does shit like that."

"Yeah, that's not good," I replied in agreement.

"Plus…" Jake's expression suddenly turned sly, only his face was going a deep shade of red.

"Plus?"

"Plus, I've kinda been hanging with Leah..." He bit down on his bottom lip and broke eye contact.

"Leah…?" I asked blankly.

Good grief, did I know my cousin at all?

"Leah Clearwater," he explained. "You know? Seth's sister?"

I nodded slowly. I knew who she was, but I was just stumped by this whole conversation. "Um … wow…?"

"What? Bells, what—you don't like her?" He suddenly seemed anxious.

I shook my head quickly. "No, it's not that. I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around all this."

He slung his arm heavily over my shoulder, squeezing me good-naturedly. "Bells, you were kinda disengaged there for a while."

I exhaled into a guilty sigh. "Yeah, I was..." I admitted before I snapped my head up with piqued interest. "Ok, well you're gonna have to fill me in on it all now."

His grin broadened, before he shrugged again, embarrassed. "I dunno. She's cool—and we have a lot in common, ya know? She's really into mechanics, like me."

I nodded, my grin growing teasing.

He nudged me, his face flooding deeper. "Bells ... come on..."

"Well ... is this … _thing_ mutual?"

He took a heavy breath, his eyes conflicted. "That I don't know—maybe. But, I didn't know what I wanted with Nessie, and my head was kinda all over the place, ya know?"

"I completely get that, Jake. My head is all over the place most of the times, these days," I confessed, scoffing humourlessly.

Jake didn't reply, and I found myself becoming lost in thought, only to be broken out of it as he nudged me again.

"Reckon you and Edward will make it, Bells?" he asked.

My eyes rose to meet his; they were sincere. I smiled at him warmly, before answering behind a huge, weary-filled sigh. "Whether we will make it or not isn't the right question with us. For me it's whether Edward will be annexed to my soul for the rest of my life."

He grinned full of cynical amusement. "Jeez, Bells, that's pretty corny for you."

I laughed lightly, dryly. "I know, but since Australia ... I don't know ... I have this connection with him that I'm not sure was exactly voluntary."

His brow bunched and the longer he gazed at me the more dubious his expression became. "Bells ... you think too much—and _everyone_ knows Cullen is an uptight asshole. The two of you just need to seriously chill."

I opened my mouth to reply, before stopping myself and breaking into a short, ironic laugh.

In one sentence Jacob had completely defined me and Edward. If he got it, why the hell couldn't I—why couldn't Edward?

Maybe the right question really was: were me and Edward going to make it?

* * *

**A/N: Nessie and Jake-did anyone see that coming? I didn't!**

**Thanks for reading. Leave a review if you want, if not, see you for the very end.**  
**:)**


	52. Story of My Life Part 2

**A/N: This was meant to be the final chapter, but there's one more after this. This bloody story just seems to take on a life of its own.**  
**With Edward's discussions with Garrett, it's all from wiki, so don't expect it to be precise, and finally, this chapter is very close to me, because during it my youngest son was diagnosed with Autism. I also have an older son with Aspergers. William and Saxon in this chapter are my boys, and I have written them as they are in RL. To put this out in the world is very hard for me, so go easy on me.**

* * *

All those days chasing down a daydream  
All those years living in a blur  
All that time never truly seeing  
Things, the way they were  
Now she's here shining in the starlight  
Now she's here suddenly I know  
If she's here it's crystal clear  
I'm where I'm meant to go

**I See the Light – Tangled [Flynn]**

**Chapter  
52**

**Story of My Life Part 2.**

* * *

**Edward's POV**

After five days at the camp I discovered my mother's motives ran deeper than just giving me a break from Bella.

I was standing in the line in the mess tent waiting to be served the shitty breakfast of undercooked eggs and bacon, when a British accent spoke from close behind me, "You must be Edward."

A hand extended over my shoulder before I was able to respond; I turned, taking it briefly as I did, to see one of the psychologists before me.

I recognized him immediately. He was the guy all the kids called "Cool Mr. Denali." The one who played Call of Duty, and World of Warcraft with them every night. He could bring down a screaming kid in seconds by telling them these weird-ass riddles, and had the biggest collection of Star Wars and Lord of the Rings in his office that even Jazz almost lost his shit when he saw it.

"I'm Garrett. Rumor has it that you're not exactly here voluntarily."

I was immediately cynical, a smirk inching across my face. "Something like that."

"Well … if you ever want to talk about it, you know where to find me." He threw me a quick grin, that didn't fucking disguise the fact that he was observing me closely.

I snorted, openly, knowing I was being an asshole, but not finding it inside myself to give a shit. "Here's the thing, my mother thinks I have some kind of disorder, but the reality is she just can't accept that this is who I am. So I'm here—unwillingly—to get her off my back, and no, _I_ _don't need to talk about it_."

His grin didn't falter; in fact, it increased with what looked like secret amusement. "That was a pretty strong reaction, Edward. I'm guessing you're pretty pissed off at your old lady?"

There was something comical about his accent that I found myself relaxing, and _old lady_ reminded me of something Bella would say—unconsciously that is, before she'd tell me to _shut up_ before I was able to react.

I grinned to myself, quickly exhaling past it. "Pissed off? Not breaking the camp rules there are you, _Cool Mr. Denali_?"

My Uncle had told me the minute I arrived that swearing was prohibited. If the kids heard anyone of even remote authority cussing, it'd be a free for all—and apparently these kids are pretty inventive.

He leaned in slightly closer to me, his smirk growing canny. "Fuck the camp rules; come by tonight and I'll let you telephone that little girlfriend of yours."

_Little girlfriend?_

I tensed, feeling the pissed off indignation crease my brow, knowing this fucking psychologist was in on whatever arrangement my mother had laid down without my knowledge. Yeah, my mother had refused to let me take my phone, and had apparently told my uncle to make sure all communication for me was on fucking lock down. She even intimidated Jazz into promising her that he wouldn't let me use his phone.

Apparently, I needed _no distractions_.

I huffed sarcastically, before I replied to him, in a low, measured voice, "If you want to be_ buddies_, do me a favor and shove the patronizing up your ass."

Garrett stepped back from me, rubbing his chin as if giving it weight—giving me fucking weight. "I heard you'd be a hard one to crack."

I stepped closer to him, pissed off at this assumption—which was becoming more of a fucking realization—that I was here for therapy. "Am I one of the fucking campers?"

"Watch out of the way, Edward Cullen. I'm trying to get my _fucking_ breakfast!" William—the ten year old Aspergers kid—exclaimed from beside me.

Garrett turned to him, grabbing him in a headlock and ruffling his hair. "Ducking—he said _ducking_, you little ducker."

Pushing William ahead of us, who was now only concerned about smoothing down his hair, he pulled me aside. "Look, mate, your mother insisted on this. Just come and talk to me—I'll let her know you're complying, even if you insist on not saying a word. We got a deal?" He rose his brows, gauging me, his smile almost turning sincere—almost, because there was something really shrewd about this guy.

Releasing my breath, I turned my gaze from him, rubbing the back of my neck, my tone sarcastic. "If it's one of my mother's _conditions _I guess I have no choice..."

"Good man," he slapped my back, bringing my attention begrudging back on him. "I'll see you tonight at seven."

I couldn't deny that the prospect of talking to Bella did make the proposition more appealing. I hadn't spoken to her since the night before I left; I kind of expected Alice would let her speak to me from her phone after one of her calls to Jazz, by now. So far, there'd been nothing, and since I couldn't even ask Jazz to use his phone to call my sister—the pissant was a pussy whipped bitch, too scared that my mother would find out—I was left in the fucking dark.

**...**

After I was served my bacon and runny eggs over easy, I made my way over to where Jazz was sitting trying to hold off a food fight at the table. Though on closer inspection, I noticed it was just Patrick, getting over-excited by Jazz's Forks jokes and jumping up and down at the table with half an egg sandwich in each hand.

"Dude, I am never having kids," he said lowly to me as I set my tray down beside him.

I smirked, making an effort not to laugh. "Jazz, you have egg in your hair."

"Son of a—," Jazz snapped, jerkily raking the food from his hair with his fingers in repulsion.

I smothered my laughter behind a cup of really fucking disgusting tasting coffee.

"What did Captain Cool want with you anyway?" he asked, looking up at me after he'd finished cleaning himself off.

"He wants to _talk_—in other words my mother set up fucking therapy for me," I explained to him in a low voice so the little fuckers wouldn't hear me.

"HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN FORKS—CAUSE EDWINA AND JAZZY-PANTS ARE MARRIED!" Patrick suddenly yelled out, flapping his arms in excitement and showering me in Jazz—and the rest of the kids at the table—with more particles of egg as the entire mess hall erupted into laughter.

"I hope beating up Newton was worth it, douche-bag, cause you owe me a shit ton," Jazz muttered as he swatted at the food on his shirt for a second time, oblivious to the fact that he had a huge glob of egg yolk between his eyes.

**...**

Jazz and I, as well as two psychology majors, Benjamin and Randall, were in charge of the seven year olds. I was guessing they figured we'd have the most amount of energy to handle them. When they had an iPad in front of them they were like statues, but get them into the great outdoors and the little fuckers scattered like roaches.

There was seven of them, and that morning Jazz had the bright idea of playing a game of tee-ball. They were generally up for it—in theory—but as soon as we got them outside and more than ten feet from some kind of computer device, two of them went into meltdown mode by way of high pitched squealing—that we quickly realized wasn't so much a fit, but a moment of sensory overload—three went into Apple App withdrawal—to which the commotion caused Saxon to promptly clamp both hands over his ears and turn to stone, and Kias _done the Harry_—as Bella would say. I had to take off after him while he flapped his arms as though he was a fucking albatross on the runway preparing for take-off.

It took forty-five minutes to calm everyone and get the game set up, but what Jazz nor I—and who am I kidding, the psychology majors as well—didn't realize was that what you said to a seven year old Autistic kid, they took_ literally_. So when Jazz told Saxon to hit the ball and then run as fast he could without stopping until he made it, that's exactly what Saxon did. He took off, bat in hand, straight down the middle of first and second base, and towards the river with Jazz and Benjamin running after him, while I bolted after Kias again who was going for a second attempt at take-off, due east.

This was what a usual day entailed, and by the time dinner rolled around that night, Jazz and I—not even close to being used to it—were fucked. Not literally, for us. That would have taken a miracle, and since Bella wasn't even contacting me through the little rat, I wasn't holding out for much hope.

We let Saxon and Kias skip up and down the aisles of the mess tent, Stromboli in hand, while we attempted not to pass out cold; though, the growing edginess I was feeling over my _appointment_ with Mr. Cool made for a good distraction—and the fact that he was going to let me call Bella.

"HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU LIVE IN FORKS—WHEN EDWINA AND JAZZY-PANTS HAVE A BABY AND CALL IT _'PISSANT'_" Patrick yelled across the room, thankfully not at our table, just as Jazz face-planted the table, and I didn't know whether it was because he was exhausted or agro—as Bella would say.

"Dude, I fucking hate you!" he muttered.

**...**

"Glad to see you didn't stand me up, Edward," Garrett said lightly holding the screen door to his cabin open for me as I trudged up the stairs.

Grumbling beneath my breath, too shattered for sarcasm, I walked passed him into his office and practically collapsed into the sofa that sat alongside his desk.

He followed me in, chuckling, before he sat at his table. "I heard you and Jasper had fun with the sprogs today."

"Fun … yeah…" I uttered, laughing once, humorlessly.

"Imagine if you had them fulltime," he added, putting a cigarette between his lips, and grabbing something from his desk and tossing it to me, before flicking his lighter.

Scrambling to catch it, I quickly realized it was an IPhone.

"You've got fifteen minutes, lover-boy. Now, get the fuck out of here."

With a sudden burst of energy, and a stealthily growing erection at the mere idea of hearing Bella's voice, I bounded back out of the tent, dialing as I went.

She picked up after the fifth ring, with an uncertain, "Hello?"

"Heeeey, baby cakes," I said, my tone going immediately warm, while a grin quickly spread subconsciously across my face.

"Edward—oh my God you sound buggered!" she burst, her voice tender and seeped with concern, but fuck me, did I miss that accent.

"Fuck, I am, baby. These kids are crazy," I replied, taking a jaded breath, continuing to walk further into the dark to be sure Mr. Cool couldn't overhear.

She chuckled softly, before there was a brief pause. "Whose phone are you on?"

"One of the counsellors," I answered, omitting the fact that he was a child psychologist who'd been hamstringed by mother into giving me therapy.

"Oh … yeah, Alice said your mother hassled Jazz into not letting you use his," she admitted, her voice becoming almost a mumble, and beginning to sound disheartened.

"Yeah—fucking pissant won't relent, either." My tone was bitter—I always knew he was a pussy.

I only heard Bella's breath wash out over the receiver as I chewed my bottom lip, working myself up to ask her a moment later, "The little rat hasn't offered to let you phone me?"

I mean, if Bella used Alice's phone to call Jazz, and ask him to put me on, my mother would never fucking know!

"N-no," she stammered, and she sounded—guilty! "Edward…?" she breeched and all of a sudden I was hearing the same tone she'd used when she'd came to tell me, in no uncertain words, to fuck off and leave her alone, after my accident.

"Yeah?" I said in a resigned tone, sitting down on a log built retaining wall, as my heart faltered.

"Your mother ... she came and seen me..."

"Fuck me—what now!?" I ran my hand back through my hair stiffly, feeling fucking weary through my growing anger.

"She asked me not to contact you—that you needed ... a break." Her tone was near identical to mine, only she wasn't angry, she was fucking defeated, and what was worse was she had listened to my mother over her own judgement.

Bella _knew_ me—at least, I thought she did...

"Bella, Jesus fucking Christ!" I burst. "I'm not a baby—I'm not a fucking psychopath. I can handle talking to my girlfriend—there's nothing the fuck WRONG WITH ME!" I ripped the phone from my ear, inhaling the anger back through my nose, as I lunged to my feet, kicking backwards against the log wall.

"Fuck it," I muttered, and as I brought the phone back to my cheek, I second guessed myself and hung up instead. I was too pissed to talk, and I didn't want to say anything to Bella that I'd later regret.

I set out back towards Garrett's cabin, my feet kicking up the dirt angrily as I walked, when the phone rang. It was some lame-ass Homer Simpson ringtone, and it was Bella.

I switched it off; this phone call had been fucking anticlimactic, and I just wanted to go to bed.

Opening the door to Garrett's cabin, I threw the phone on the sofa, and left, slamming the screen as I went; I didn't say anything to him.

**...**

Inside the rec room they were playing Finding Nemo on the projector. Most of the kids were either watching it laughing, reciting it, or glued to their IPads.

I made my way over to Jazz, who was out cold on a bean bag, his head back, his mouth wide open as Saxon whacked him repeatedly in the head with a half-full two liter bottle of soda—that he'd obviously swiped from the kitchen.

Jazz didn't even flinch.

"Do you want a drink, Sax?" I asked him.

"Can I have some Pepsi-Max please, douche-bag," he asked in that weird, low monotone voice of his, a cup in his other hand, while his eyes looked everywhere but at me.

Yeah, thanks to fucking Jazz, _douche-bag_ was what Saxon thought my name was; I never bothered to correct him.

I opened the bottle without another thought—I too was fucking tired and agitated to remember if Saxon was even allowed to have soda—only for it to spurt everywhere.

Saxon didn't walk, he skipped—everywhere, and no matter what he was carrying.

In reflex I pointed it toward Jazz, who got showered in it.

"Mother fuck!" he burst, violently bolting awake and sucking in his breath.

"Mother fuck!" Saxon echoed, clamping his hands over his ears, cup still in hand.

"MOTHER FUCKERS!" Patrick yelled out, from fuck knows where in the room. The kid had better hearing than Emmett.

And with a loud bang of the door, Kias had escaped the room; I'd forgotten to lock it behind me on the way in.

"I fucking hate you, douche-bag," Jazz muttered before going after Kias, whose squeals of _mother fuckers_ grew fainter the further he ran.

My internal groan was halted by Saxon who suddenly whacked me in the forehead with the cup he'd been hanging onto. "Excuse me, douche-bag, can I have some Pepsi-Max, please?"

**... **

Despite how fucking exhausted I was that night, I laid awake in the bunk below Jazz, pretending to sleep until I was confident he was. As soon as he was snoring, I snatched his phone that was charging in the corner of the room and quietly left the cabin, calling Alice.

"Jazzy boo…" she fucking murmured into the phone on the third ring, her tone fucking seductive; making my skin literally crawl.

"Jesus, Alice!" I burst, pissed off and repulsed simultaneously.

"Edward—what are you doing with Jazz's phone?' she demanded, and I suspected she was just as mortified and was covering with anger.

"What the fuck does that matter—just tell me what mom said to Bella!"

She scoffed impatiently. "Nothing. She went to apologize and then told her that you and Bella needed some downtime after Australia—."

"What bullshit—," I interjected, but Alice quickly cut me off.

"It's _not_ bullshit, and Bella agrees! Now shut up and listen! You need to talk to someone about your anger, Edward. _Everyone _thinks so—and Bella most of all. She's really worried about you—that you'll do something stupid, and that's the last thing she needs at the moment. And you are worse than you have ever been—ever since you got back from Australia. It's a fact!" She was deadly serious; in fact, I'd never heard the little rat use that tone with me before. She was pissed with me, impatient, but at the same time she was ... anxious.

I opened my mouth to respond—cynically, sarcastically, but shut it again. My mind was racing, trying to process it, but I couldn't even begin to grasp what I thought about it—what I _felt _about it. "Fuck me..." I whispered into the phone, to no one in particular, as I pushed the front of my hair back from my brow.

"Edward—Bella is pissed at you. I mean—_really_. You ring her up, scream at her and then hang up?! What the fuck is wrong with you? If you don't get whatever it is that eats away at you out, you _are_ going to lose her," she began with impatience, but again her tone turned somber—almost pleading.

I sat down flat on my ass, bending my head between my knees—I had no fucking idea where I'd walked to, just that I couldn't take another step. Resting my forehead in my hand, I listened to Alice blabber on about how much Bella loved me, without a word in response; there was nothing to say. She was right. Bella was right. My fucking mother was right.

What I had witnessed Bella go through in Australia, of her past, her mother, her grief over Kel, had brought shit back to the surface that I had long buried.

**...**

"I spoke to Bella last night. What a tender little thing she is—but very perceptive," Garrett said to me the next night, as I slouched begrudgingly on the sofa, while he sat chain smoking his way through scrutinizing me.

I sat immediately upright, annoyed and indignant. "You fucking _called_ her?"

"No, she _fucking_ _called_ _me_," he mocked me, before half smirking and taking another drag of his cigarette. "Well actually, she thought she was calling you."

I took a deliberate breath, releasing it into a sigh. "What did she say?"

"At first she was just ranting; I let her." His smirk grew with amusement. He thought it was real fucking funny. "She said"—he paused, using his fingers as quotation marks—"fuck you, asshole, no one is ganging up on you, and grow the fuck up."

"Great," I muttered, feeling myself almost instinctively tense. Having Bella pissed off at me made me as uptight as I could get, and I was always two breaths away from convincing myself she was over me, at the best of times.

"She's Australian," he said, as if I didn't know already.

"No shit, Sherlock."

"You're a testy little prick, aren't you?" He quirked an eyebrow at me, before lighting up another cigarette. "You mind?" He emphasized his lighter.

"Sure, I enjoy secondary smoke as much as the next guy."

"Do you want to call her first, and then whack off? Seriously, do what you have to get it out of your system so we can talk," she said with the cigarette between his lips, holding up his cell.

I moved my hands for him to toss it to me.

**...**

"I'm sorry, Baby," I blurted to Bella the minute she picked up. She obviously recognized the number; her tone was stand-offish. I knew it well; for most of our Bio classes together that's how she'd spoken to me.

She sighed, long and wearily. "Edward—bloody hell. What am I going to do with you?"

"Forgive me, belly welly, muffin cakes…?" I tried the charm, knowing it would fail regardless.

"Seriously, Edward? I may puke." She never disappointed.

I sat down on the same log wall that I had the night before, rubbing the back of my neck. "I really am sorry, baby. I'd just found out about this therapy my mother had set up for me without my knowledge, and I'm a fucking asshole. I ... I dunno…"

She exhaled again, lighter this time. "You'd refuse to go along with it if you knew, that's why."

"You think I need it?"

She paused, before answering with a tentative, "Yeah."

"Fuck."

"Hey…?" Her voice was soft.

"Yeah?" I mumbled.

"Do the therapy, and for your birthday I'll give you my body for whatever you want to use it for," she said all fucking coy like, but her voice reacted in me like a reflex.

"I thought that was a given," I teased her, suddenly more alert.

"Don't push it, Edward," she replied wryly, and I could see that cynical smile fighting off the affection in her tone.

I laughed softly. "Okay, deal—and I'm going to hold you to it, too."

"I bet you will."

I walked back to Garrett's cabin with a massive boner and goofy smile nailed to my face; I was as horny as all fuck, but I was a lot calmer.

For the next several nights we talked about my reaction to Bella's pain in Australia, and how it had _manifested_ so much anger in me afterwards. During the nights that followed we talked more about Bella, and then about Alice's illness, and finally to my father's death.

At first it made me uneasy to talk so frankly about shit that was close to me, but after a few days I began noticing how … lighter I was feeling; unburdened. Talking about Bella especially. I almost felt as if it made a lot more sense after talking about her and I; as if, I was seeing it from a new perspective.

Garrett didn't make me feel stupid even as I cringed when the words crossed my lips at how fucking ridiculous they sounded. For instance, when I admitted that I didn't think I could even breathe if I lost her—because she'd become so ingrained in every aspect of my life. She made me feel like it had relevance—like I had relevance. Someone who knew all the bullshit I'd done and was capable of, and loved me anyway, wanted to be with me; who cried and hung on to me when I told her I was leaving, as if I gave her that same sense of relevance.

"I know that makes me sound like a fucking pussy … or whatever…" I muttered, almost subconsciously reaching for his packet of cigarettes, and pulling one out.

He held his lighter out to me, before pausing. "Just this one time—and only because you're so fucking wound tight, you need something to relax you."

He lit the cigarette for me and I inhaled deeply, almost fucking choking instantly after. He smirked, but waited until I could take a lungful without practically asphyxiating, before he continued. "You know, it's interesting, you obviously lead with you heart, but at the same time you're embarrassed by it."

"Well it's not the sort of shit guys chat about, is it—how my girlfriend is the fucking sun and the moon to me," I replied sarcastically, taking a too hasty drag and coughing violently again. "This really is a filthy fucking habit," I muttered, butting it out in the ashtray.

Garrett shrugged, inhaling back his cigarette as his eyes drifted to the ceiling. "I don't know. My girlfriend, Kate, the stuff I could say about her—what a woman. She is _definitely_ the sun and moon to me."

I smirked shortly, coughing the remains of smoke from my lungs into my closed fist.

He sat forward, looking directly at me, his expression turning sharp. "What I think, Edward, is that this … _emotion_ you feel for Bella, it scares the shit out of you. You don't know how to handle anything so strong, and which in turn makes you feel so vulnerable. You hate feeling so helpless—that she could crush you in a second and you can't do anything about it. You, my friend, need that control, and when you feel like you don't have it … well in walks the moody, angry little shithead you're so good at being."

I scoffed, feeling my brow scrunch, but I didn't say anything, and I wish I hadn't butted out the cigarette because I needed to do something with my hands—other than fucking reef them back through my hair.

"But this need for control—that's all apart it…" He leaned back in his chair, blowing the smoke from the corner of his mouth, toward the open window.

"Apart of what?" I asked, skeptically.

"I'll get to that tomorrow." He waved his hand at me, crushing out his cigarette with the other, before grabbing his phone and tossing it to me.

It had become the new ritual. Talk first, call Bella at the end.

**...**

The next day I was edgy and distracted. I was still convinced there wasn't anything wrong with me, but I was more concerned about what Garrett was going to conclude than what I let myself believe. I was worried that whatever he was going to say was going to create consequences in my life when I got back home—with my fucking mother mostly, but with Bella primarily.

It rained all day, so we were stuck inside with the kids—which wasn't so bad considering they were happiest sitting in front of a screen of some kind. The only consolation was watching Jazz get his ass handed to him by William on Xbox. No matter what they played he got bitch slapped, and half the time William's attention was divided with his IPad.

I wasn't stupid enough to take the kid on, but Jazz became determined to win at any cost—even to the point that Patrick went into loud hysterics over his tactics, and Saxon slapped himself in the head, saying to himself lowly, "Oh no, pissant, you're gonna die again."

That's what Saxon thought Jazz's name was. I never contradicted him on that one either.

"Okay, you win this time, you little smart ass," Jazz muttered throwing his controller down, and getting to his feet.

William smirked to himself, snorting as he switched his full attention to his IPad. "Denial aint a river in Egypt, Jazmina."

He was only half mocking him; I don't think William knew what Jazz's name really was. He called Jazz whatever I last called him.

These kids really didn't get sarcasm—even when they were dishing it out.

"JAZMINA LOVES EDWINA!" Patrick suddenly hollered, to which even Saxon laughed—while he blocked out all sound out with his hands.

"Edna Krabapple?" William turned his attention to me, holding up the controller. He knew my name, but _Edna Krabapple_ was what he'd decided to call me after I started calling him Mr. Burns—from the Simpsons. The kid was just as skinny!

I held my hands up. "Hey, dude, I'm crap at those games."

He shrugged. "Well, do you want to watch The Spy Who Loved Me? I have it on disc and USB."

"Err..." I struggled to come up with a response fast enough.

He looked down at his IPad again, and added while fiddling around with it, "It's got Roger Moore as James Bond. He drives a 1977 Lotus, and carries a Walther PPK. The bond girl is Major Anja Amasova played by Barbara Bach—she's okay, but I prefer Denise Richards. She's in The World is Not Enough with Pierce Brosnan as James Bond in 1999. Her character's name is Christmas Jones."

I had no fucking idea what the kid just said.

"Sure—douche-bag would _love_ to watch it with you, dude!" pissant Jazz answered on my behalf.

So, I spent the next two hours getting the entire freaking Encyclopedia Britannica version of 007. I swear the kid didn't take a breath, but apparently in the rec' tent, Kias had decided to launch his next take off carrying a tube of red paint in one hand and a vial of glitter in the other. When I saw Jazz at dinner I almost puked up my lungs from laughing.

"JAZZY PANTS IS A SPARKLY VAMPIRE FROM TWILIGHT!" Patrick yelled out every two minutes.

"I fucking hate you, douche-bag," Jazz muttered, the twenty-second time he'd told me that day. "I'm never having kids," he added, as he shoveled a forkful of food in his mouth just moments before he was showered in baked beans by Saxon's arrival at the table.

**...**

"Here's the thing, Edward," Garrett began when I sat down on the sofa, resigned by whatever he had to say, "I don't think you have any disorder. When you say this is who you are, I believe you." He flicked the ash from his cigarette in his ashtray before elaborating, "Let's be frank, you're a short tempered little fucker, and there's no excuses for that ... but you're also a product of the circumstances that happened in your life. Though, I did initially think you had some kind of stress disorder."

"Stress disorder?" I repeated.

"PTSD," he answered.

"In English!" I snapped.

He took a drag of his cigarette from the corner of his mouth, his eyes narrowing me as he surveyed me. "Jesus, you're a testy little prick! _Post. Traumatic. Stress. Disorder_."

I snorted sarcastically. "So you thought I was _stressed and traumatized, did you_?"

"_Initially_," he retorted in a patronizing tone, "but now I think you're a pissed off bastard because that's how you've learnt to deal with any stress that comes your way."

I felt my brow crease, my only reply an indifferent shrug. I wasn't indifferent; I just wasn't sure how to answer.

"You're not going to be a petulant little shit now, are you?" he asked, with his cigarette still between his lips.

"Just get the fuck on with it," I muttered, exhaling wearily.

He gazed at me for a few more moments, in between his chain smoking—though he did have the fucking courtesy to blow it toward the open window away from me—before shrugging a shoulder. "Hey, anger is a natural response, but it's a double negative, and it only suppresses the issue. Eventually you will have to deal with it in a conducive way or—well, you know what happens, don't you?" He raised his brows, sitting forward in his chair to fold his elbows on the table.

I was immediately suspicious. "Who else have you spoken you?"

"Everyone, my boy—that's my job." He fucking winked at me.

I only took a breath, releasing it shortly with impatience.

He butted out his cigarette, and leaned back in his chair. "You just have to learn that anger will only take you so far, and unless you learn to release any stress and anxiety you're feeling in other ways, your friend, anger, will get you into a lot of trouble. Though," he reached for another cigarette," from what I've been told, it has already..."

I reached up and rubbed the back of my neck, pissed off, but only because this entire conversion was making me feel fucking infanitile. "Yeah—I don't know, I guess."

"And you don't like talking about shit that's happened in your life either—out comes Mr. Hates-the-world-and-his-mother." He smirked, lighting up.

"What's your point?" I demanded with a sigh.

"You, Mr. Cullen, have been hurt—and badly—and now the fear of being hurt again scares you more than you can comprehend," his tone softened, turning serious. It made me uncomfortable; I dropped my eyes to his packet of cigarettes, if only to look somewhere other than at him, "and anger is an easy emotion; it makes you feel like you still have control, but in reality you've already lost it—what's the matter, do you want another one?" he asked, referring to his smokes.

My eyes snapped to his; I shook my head. "No."

"Your step-father had a very good idea getting you to write in a diary"— I huffed, my eyes narrowing; he only rolled his—"yes I spoke to him as well. The fucking point is, if you're not comfortable talking about your emotions to anyone, _write_ them down."

"Yeah," I half-shrugged, conceding.

"Bella tells me she can get you to open up to her—only after you've thrown a few hissy fits." He smirked. "Talk to her—she's going to be very good for you, I think."

I laughed shortly, humorlessly. "Yeah, she doesn't take any of my shit."

"So she shouldn't, but she's been through enough in her own life to give you a few concessions. I don't think anyone else would be as patient…" He brought the cigarette to his mouth, inhaling it in as his brow steadily ridged the longer he gazed at me. "For Christ's sake, what now?"

"What the fuck does that mean?" I demanded. This shit was beginning to confuse me, and it was pissing me off that he was making me feel unsure of myself where Bella was concerned.

"Well, come on, Edward. How many times have to tried to push her away?" he sounded impatient—or fucking exasperated; I wasn't sure, but it made me falter.

"…None."

"Really?" he quirked an eyebrow, unconvinced. "You told me yourself that the only reason you pursued Bella initially was because she couldn't stand you. You don't get emotionally involved with girls—isn't that what you said? Bella was a conquest, until you realized it went a lot deeper than that, and you didn't like how vulnerable she made you feel. So," he leaned back in his chair, with an overconfident fucking expression on his face, "a few times you tried to pull out of it. You told her you didn't know what it was about her—but in reality, you didn't want to face it."

I only stared at him, shaking my head slowly, trying to process what he was saying. Bella had had an impact on me the first day I met her—she was never a conquest. He'd got it wrong. "No!" I said firmly. "Bella was always different."

"Still didn't stop your instincts from trying to sabotage it though, did it?"

I raked my fingers through my hair, flustered and becoming more and more irritated. "No—I just never know what to do with her, because she never responds to me like other girls. Everything I do she's suspicious of—fucking everything! I mean, the first time I paid her a compliment she told me to fuck myself—the second time she told me I was cheesy! Even now—it's _her_ that pushes me away. I tell her I love her and only a quarter of the time she says it back. She fucking tells me I'm corny—or fucking sappy!"

He started laughing, his cigarette smoke blowing out through his nose. "I'm liking Miss Bella more and more—are you fucking blind, Edward?" He sat forward and slammed his hand down on the table. "That girl has had to be guarded all her life, you've had to earn her trust—fight for her. But the real question is, is she worth fighting for—or do you just want someone to fuck on a regular basis?"

I lunged to my feet, fucking affronted. "Fuck you! You know what—I'm fucking done."

He rose out of his chair immediately after me. "Sit your short tempered ass back down!"

I ignored him, and turned toward the door.

"You have no idea how close that girl is to being done with you!"

* * *

**A/N: Don't stress; this will be a HEA. If it isn't I'll throw myself off a cliff.  
**

**And what a great time I had writing Garrett, and I did make him British. Don't kill me :)**


	53. Bella Down Under

**A/N: This is the end... I apologise for the delay-as poetic as that is. I've been hanging on to this chapter for 3 months. I rewrote it twice, procrastinated like a mofo over it, but in the end I had to do it. 5 years is a long time to do anything, and a lot has happened in those 5 years...  
Anywho, Bella Down Under was the original name. I always thought it was corny and cliche, but there you have it.**

* * *

**Bella Down Under**

**chapter 52**

**Bella's POV**

Were Edward and I going to make it?

Jacob's question gnawed away at me, keeping me awake at night, and creating within me an increasing sense of anxiety.

It wasn't something I wanted to have to answer—I shouldn't have had to answer, but here I was only a month into my relationship with Edward plagued by pessimism. It was so ridiculous considering how close we had become; how connected I felt to him since Australia, but it seemed typical. After all, it's not as if pessimism was an unusual emotion to carry around for me, but I was beginning to think I'd be shadowed by these feelings all my life; that nothing would ever be simple with me; that it would always be me, and_ not_ Edward.

At least, this time I wanted to believe that was the case.

If truth be told, I wasn't even sure exactly what Edward and I were now that we were back in Forks. We'd barely managed a week incident free; it felt as if some invisible force was always trying to pull us apart. I'd tried to remain in denial about it, telling myself repeatedly that things were only rocky because of the circumstances surrounding how we got together, and we just needed to find a sense of _normal_ now that Kel's funeral was over and we were home, but a nagging voice just wouldn't be quiet, and it was making it harder and harder to remain in denial.

The fact was the panic I always felt about letting myself get close to Edward, the anxiety I felt over his impulsiveness and unpredictability, was only growing within me. In spite of how much I loved him, how much I physically and emotionally yearned for him, it had not gone away; it had only got worse.

And the morning he left for Vermont, I woke with a sense of relief. Relief that for the next three weeks I was going to get a break from the emotional rollercoaster I was on with him. That rush of all-consuming emotion was, for the first time in so long, going to stop. I didn't realise how much it had exhausted me, until he was gone; how weary it had made me. Of course, it wouldn't stop my worry over him, or my fear that he'd do something stupid, but it gave me a release; a moment to breathe; a moment to evaluate my feelings and collect my thoughts.

My thoughts, which in turn, only gave Jake's question more relevance, and I began to have a sinking feeling that the answer was _no_.

* * *

Two days after Edward was gone, Esme came to the house.

As I opened the door, my heart immediately quickened, just a fraction of a second before she broke into a warm smile.

"Hello, Bella…" she said gently before she reached out and took me in her arms.

I immediately tensed, but since I'd anticipated it I was able to get on top of it fairly quickly. "H-hi, Mrs Cullen," I replied, awkwardly.

When she pulled me back, her smile turned knowing. "_Esme_," she corrected me, in a teasing tone. "I was wondering if you'd like to grab a coffee with me."

"Sure," I replied, returning her smile, and fighting off the uneasiness as I did. I turned back to glance into the Living Room. Uncle Billy was sitting on the lounge watching TV, whistling happily to himself; Jake had broken up with Nessie an hour earlier. "Uncle Billy, I'm just going out with Mrs Cullen for a while."

He turned his head, then quickly got to his feet, coming to greet Esme, before she led me to her car.

She was silent for the five minute drive, turning to me only after she parked her car at the Hard Rain Café. "Go and find a table for us, Bella, while I order the coffee."

My uneasiness grew, despite her calm, warm demeanour, and I still couldn't rid my mind of what she'd said to me at the Police Station. I had a horrible suspicion she was going to ask me to break up with Edward.

I chose a place to sit on the decked porch, and was joined by Esme a few minutes later, carrying two mugs.

"Chai tea?" she offered, placing it before me after I nodded, and offered her a tense smile.

If truth be told, I'd never had it before.

She sat opposite me and stirred a sugar into her drink, seeming in contemplation for a moment before her eyes met mine. "I owe you an apology, Bella. Please don't think I blame you for anything that happened with Edward." Her tone was sincere, almost beseeching.

I nodded again, sighing beneath my breath and feeling my shoulders relax a fraction in relief. "It's OK, Mrs Cullen. I-I understand."

She smiled, it was sort of fractured and sad, before her expression turned serious. "I know you do, sweetheart. I can see it in your eyes—you worry about him as much as I do—as much as Alice."

This surprised me; it almost jolted me, immediately engulfing me with emotion. I nodded for a third time. "I do," I confessed, my voice hitching.

Taking a sip of her drink, Esme paused for a moment before her eyes, so much like Edward's, again connected with mine. "I don't want you to think that I think you're bad for Edward. I didn't send him to camp to separate the two of you. I sent him there so he can get counselling to learn to deal with his ... emotions."

Again I nodded. I was beginning to feel like an imbecile, but I didn't have any words, and Mrs Cullen still intimidated me so much.

"You know he needs it, don't you?" she breeched.

"Yes," I answered, staring down at my steaming cup. As much as I wished what he'd said to me the night before he left was true—that it was just who he was—I knew better. I took a sip of the tea; it was kind of nice…

"Edward's always been short tempered—my goodness the tantrums he used to throw as a toddler," she paused and smiled to herself, chuckling softly when I immediately broke into an amused grin. "He's also very passionate, and sensitive—he gets that from his father—but I'm not worried about that. I'm worried about the way he gets emotionally burdened until he's so angry it's irrational. You know what I'm talking about, don't you?"

"Yes," I repeated softly, as my heart quickened with an echo of the panic I constantly carried for Edward. "And he becomes unpredictable."

"Exactly."

I took another sip of the tea, before meeting Esme's sedate gaze and asking, "Has ... he always been like this?"

Esme set her drink aside, and clasped her hands together. "No. It first happened after Alice became sick. He got quite out of control—it got to the point where we were just as worried about him as we were about Alice," she paused, and I nodded in resignation.

"Alice told me…"

She sighed, and opened her mouth to continue, almost seeming to shy away from me. "It wasn't until the night of the prom that Edward lost control like that again."

I felt my breath leave me, immediately overcome with guilt. Putting my tea down, I rubbed my brow, ashamed.

"Bella—sweetheart, it isn't your fault. It's a validation of how much he loves you. You were in so much pain, and he couldn't help you. He didn't know how to deal with it. He was so angry he almost threw Emmett over the second floor banister. Carlisle … was going to sedate him … but Jasper managed to calm him down."

My head snapped up, my eyes instantly welling with tears, horrified. "I-I had no idea…"

She shook her head, attempting to placate me. "You were so upset, and we didn't want you worrying about Edward as well, but then Alice was almost hysterical. She pleaded with me to allow Edward to go to Australia, and it was against my better judgement, but since you've returned … he's worse than what he was before…" her voice trailed away and she sighed, massaging her forehead with the tips of her fingers, making it evident how concerned she was about him. "He's so angry, and he's so disrespectful to me and Carlisle. He doesn't want to listen. He thinks he's on top of everything and he's completely fine. The only thing is, this irrational anger is his way of dealing with everything, but it doesn't even come close to resolving anything he's feeling."

I nodded. I was beginning to feel helpless and defeated, as that pessimism where Edward and I were concerned anchored itself more in my heart.

"He listens to you, Bella—in fact, you're the only one he_ will_ listen to. You have this incredible healing effect on him that I know he'll take it better from you, than from me."

I felt my brow bunch in sudden confusion. "Take … what?" I asked, when internally I just wanted to groan, _Oh God, what now?_

There always seemed to be something, after all.

"He doesn't know I've arranged therapy for him, and the minute he finds out … well, you know how he gets." She huffed suddenly, brashly, before bringing her mug to her lips, her eyes half rolling.

And despite myself, I scoffed in agreement. "Yeah … I know…"

"I wanted to keep him as isolated from home as possible—so his focus won't be so distracted—you understand?"—I nodded—"but he's going to find a way to get in touch with you. I just wanted to ask if you could … ease him into it. If he thinks you think it'll be good for him … I don't know." She exhaled deeply, her expression suddenly weary, and I wondered whether this was going to be my fate.

To be so preoccupied with worry about him.

"If it's any consolation, I haven't heard from him yet. Alice told me he's angry that Jazz won't let him use his phone, so…" I broke into a small smile, shrugging a shoulder.

Esme grinned in full amusement, before chuckling softly. "Well, I'll be… Jazz is sticking to our agreement…"

"You must have put the fear of God in him," I replied, laughing softly with her.

"Oh, much more than that." She winked, her smile turning devious, before bringing the mug to her lips.

* * *

It was incredibly reassuring to know Mrs Cullen didn't disapprove of me at all. It was a boost to my confidence, but it did nothing to quell the growing anxiety I had for me and Edward, and afterwards I went back to agonising over Jake's question; becoming convinced I wasn't going to like the outcome.

It didn't help that the first time he contacted me from camp he was completely irrational, and ended hanging up on me. I hung up, threw my phone down on the bed and almost ripped my hair out, I was so frustrated, but after speaking to Garrett, his camp therapist—I guess you could say—I started to feel the stirrings of optimism. Garrett described him in a simplistic way, that didn't make me feel so overwhelmed.

"He's a flighty little prick, but in every retrospect he's a normal kid—and for heaven's sake don't tell him I called him that."

"Called him a … prick…?" I asked.

"No. A kid."

I laughed.

I didn't tell Edward, and every night when he called me I could sense the growing calmness in him. His voice was beginning to loosen, and he didn't sound so on edge; plus—and I'm not sure if it was connected—but he was a lot more expressively _assertive_. Some of the things he said to me almost made my hair stand on end. It wasn't a matter of him telling me how sexually frustrated he was—he did, numerous times—I could hear it in every syllable he spoke—in that deep, fluid voice of his, in his non-Australian accent that often pulled me up short; and in every breath he took.

It always came back to this with us, and bloody hell how it impacted me.

As relationships went, I didn't think you could get one rockier than mine and Edward's, and yet when we were together we couldn't keep our hands off each other. It seemed, typically, flawed and dysfunctional—like everything else about my life, but it still surprised me how physically charged I often was; though, it did nothing to quell it, and I wasn't even close to understanding it.

I often wondered what pre-Forks Bella would have thought about me now. An innocent, naïve girl, who was rabidly distrustful of every male in town—with the exception of Nummi and Kel's brothers—to a girl who'd lost her virginity after only two weeks into her first real relationship, and who subsequently wanted to jump her boyfriend at the mere thought of him. In fact, I had to remind myself constantly how many times I'd actually had sex with Edward, because considering the amount of times I'd dreamt it, it was beginning to obscure my view of reality.

Was I filling a void from my childhood, as Alice suspected?

No. It wasn't sex that filled the void; it was Edward himself.

Edward, this volatile person who was a stranger just six months ago, but who was now virtually ingrained into every aspect of my life. Edward, who had no control over his emotions, but who completely controlled mine. Edward, through all his cockiness and self-assurance, turned out to be just as damaged as I was, but in being so was the only one to make me feel whole.

The same Edward who made my heart quicken in fear and panic as much as in love and desire…

Pre-Forks Bella would have been understandably aghast, but post-Forks Bella's anxiety was beginning to lessen, and she was beginning to miss her boyfriend.

And the answer was now a solid "maybe".

Maybe, we would just make it.

* * *

A few days before Edward and Jazz were due home, Alice, Jake, Leah and I went into Port Angeles. We were going to buy graduation presents for Emmett and Rose, and for me, birthday presents for Edward and Alice. Emmett's graduation party was coinciding with their eighteenth birthday.

Leah and Jake just decided to tag along.

"Oh God," Alice moaned, upon seeing them in the back seat. "Are we going to be subjected to their slop the entire way?"

I laughed lightly, slinging my arm over her shoulder as we walked back to my car. "You'll be surprised what you'll be subjected to—believe me."

It had shocked the hell out of me.

It was a few days earlier when Jake first brought Leah around to meet us. She was the complete antithesis of Nessie that I was initially taken back.

She walked in wearing a pair of greasy-looking overalls, a flannel shirt and an easy going expression, making Jake's grin reach levels of critical failure. Then as their greeting, Leah punched him in the arm—hard.

"What's up, dude," she said to him.

Jake's reply was to punch her back.

Then, in the next instant, they went backwards over the sofa, wrestling with one another.

I only stared at Uncle Billy in amazement, who was grinning to himself broadly.

"Nice girl, that Leah Clearwater," he commented to me.

I could only shake my head in amazement.

"Say UNCLE!" came Leah's voice from behind the sofa—I never understood that phrase, _Uncle_, but I never wanted to sound like an idiot and ask.

I peered over to see Leah had Jake's arm behind his back, with her other around his neck, and while Jake's face was steadily going purple, his mammoth grin did not wane.

I was almost in fear for my safety when Jake introduced her to me.

"Beeeeelllla…" she drawled, "I hear you're going out with that Cullen chick—he's hot."

"Uh…" I uttered blankly.

She laughed, and winked. "I'm just kidding—he's OK." She laughed again, before grabbing my hand and yanking me towards her into a one arm grapple-type of hug.

She smelled of … motor oil and perfume. It was a bizarre combination.

"How are you?" I asked, my lips crushed against her shoulder, before she released me.

"I'm good—yeah—what country are you from again? Zimbabwe?" And without waiting for an answer, she put her fists up and started dancing around the room with Jake.

"She's from Australia," Jake answered, blocking her swinging arm, and chuckling.

They went outside to work on Jake's car not long after—I think Uncle Billy started to fear for his flat screen. I ended up watching them through the kitchen window as I did the dishes.

At first, I could only see two pairs of denim-clad legs from under Jake's rabbit, but in the next moment they were hosing one another, and in the next Leah was chasing Jake up and down the street hurling wrenches at him; their laughter echoing off the rain-soaked road.

It was only five minutes into the trip that Alice understood my meaning.

"PUNCH BUGGY!" Leah hollered—making Alice jump—before we heard the thudding sound of her—presumably—punching Jake.

Alice only turned to me, her expression comical. "What the hell?" she mouthed to me.

I shrugged, shaking my head simultaneously.

"God, I miss Jazzy…" She sighed.

_I miss my Eddie-weddy too_, I replied beneath my breath, and feeling all the more cheesier than if I'd said it aloud.

* * *

While Leah and Jake ate ice-cream and giving each other piggyback rides up and down the main street of Port Angeles, Alice and I went shopping.

I was generally terrible at picking out gifts, but Rose and Emmett weren't too hard, and Alice had basically advertised what she wanted all morning. Edward, on the other hand…

Alice had bought Jazz a pair of silk boxer shorts with love hearts on them, and tried to talk me into getting some for Edward. A part from it being completely corny, it wasn't us—and I wanted it to mean something.

I did have one part of his gift decided on. I had a photo of the two of us at Nummi's house that I was going to have enlarged into a canvas. It was the day after Kel's funeral, and still feeling generally under the weather, Carol had sent me outside to get some fresh air. Edward had, of course, accompanied me, and we sat on the old wrought iron bench chatting until eventually I laid down against him, my head in his lap, and my legs dangling over the side. Rach had come out to get us for dinner and had taken a photo. Neither of us were aware of her, and so it was a completely natural pose as we gazed at each other, our fingers entwined, while Edward's other hand was cupped around my brow, pushing my hair back. And because it was dusk, the light had created a semi-silhouette with our faces just barely visible.

Rach sent it to me a couple of days after we got back to Forks, and I loved it. It was so intimate, as if it was a secret between us, but with everything that had happened after we returned I never got a chance to show him.

"Oh my gosh! What an awesome photo!" Alice exclaimed as I was arranging to have it printed at the camera store.

"Yeah," I agreed softly, feeling self-conscious; as if she'd walked in on something too personal. "I just don't know what else to get him."

"Buy him a pen—I mean, it's your thing, isn't it?" she suggested, casually, as she browsed through a collection of novelty mouse pads close by.

I opened my mouth to reply but faltered.

A pen…?

It _was_ our thing, I guess, but it was more _Edward's _thing for me.

Though, in keeping with the pen theme, I ended up buying him a black leather necklace, and three silver charms to go on it. One was a pen, the other was angel wings, and the last, a love heart.

"Aww, how sweet—is this for your boyfriend?" the sales girl asked me as she wrapped it up.

"Yeah," I mumbled, my face exploding into flames.

"Is he your angel?" she pressed, while Alice beside me hocked back an obvious urge to laugh.

I grabbed the bag—without waiting for the receipt—and promptly left the store. Neurotic as I was, but I didn't like to advertise my relationship with Edward to the world; at least, not regarding what he meant to me.

It had become inherent in me—to have this constant need to guard anything so close to me, for fear my mother discovered it and then destroyed it.

Edward was no exception.

When I was in sixth grade, a boy new to the town named Riley took an odd fancy to me, and despite all my best efforts to sabotage it and deter him, one day I horrifyingly discovered him on my doorstep.

Renee had only sneered at him, before grabbing my hair, yanking me back from the door and shoving me down the hall to my room.

"I might as well tell you now—before your parents find out you've been here—Bella is not the sort of girl you want to be friends with," I heard her tell him, as I cowered behind my bedroom door, listening. "She lies, steals and will turn everyone against you. I'm actually fed up from all the abuse from the other kids' parents about her that I have to resort to this— now get the hell out of here!" She'd snapped in the end, her resentment eventually slipping through her facade, before she slammed the door on him.

I knew if I stayed I'd be in for a world of pain, so with my flight response kicking in, and just as I heard her slow, calculated footsteps move in my direction, I'd jumped out of my bedroom window.

With a deep sigh, I placed my palm to my forehead impatient by these memories—and by the fact that they still carried so much weight with me. I had to keep reminding myself—as much as it continually mortified me—that Edward had faced my mother. He'd faced her and was still on my side.

Alice caught up to me, holding out the receipt.

"Bloody hell—it's too cheesy, isn't it?" I turned to her, blurting out as I took the piece of paper from her hands.

She half rolled her eyes. "Of course it's cheesy, but it's sweet and romantic, so I think cheesy is just a given."

"All right," I mumbled, breaking eye contact with her when her smirk deepened. I should have been used to Alice being privy to intimate details of my relationship with her brother, but I wasn't, and I was in the midst of cringing when she nudged me.

"Besides, Edward will love anything you give him. You know how completely nuts he is about you—belly welly." Her smirk turned shrewd, before she began chuckling a moment later, and no doubt from my sudden beet red complexion.

I glanced back at her, not knowing how to react, but deciding to explain it. "We have this thing … where we imitate Nessie and Jake—or how they used to be, anyway."

"Uh-huh…" she replied all too sure of herself. "I gotta say, we all knew Edward would fall hard when it finally happened to him, but never in a million years did I ever envision my brother using the words _muffin cakes_."

"How the hell do you know this?" I screeched, going on the defensive to mask my embarrassment; though, I was actually grateful that Alice's teasing distracted me from the toxic reminder of my mother.

Her laughter only continued, until she turned to me, a warm, affectionate smile breaking it off. "He talks in his sleep," she confessed. "Now, what did you buy me?"

I let go of my breath into a rapidly broadening grin. "Not telling!"

* * *

Four days before Edward was due home, Garrett called me. Usually his number on my phone's screen signalled Edward, but Edward always called me around 9pm; I received this phone call several hours earlier.

"Hey, you," I answered brightly, my tone automatically turning affectionate.

"How are you, Bella?" Garrett's British accent spoke through the receiver, alerting me to the fact that it wasn't Edward.

"Oh, hi, Garrett—f-fine," I stammered, huffing to myself shortly after. Would I ever be able to combat this meekness in me?

"Don't stress, doll. Mr hot head is OK, but I wondered if we could have a chat?" he asked, in an easy going, laid back tone.

"Sure…" I answered slowly, and I guess my uncertainty translated through the phone because he started chuckling.

"Bella—everything's cool. I just want your take on him. You OK with that?"

"Ok," I said simply, half shrugging to myself.

"I want you to be honest with me, OK? No holding back." His tone turned momentarily serious.

I sighed. "OK. What do you want to know?"

"What concerns do you have most about Edward?" he asked, and I got the impression he had a set of questions written down in front of him. I didn't like it; I felt like I was betraying Edward, in a sense.

Still, his question wasn't hard to answer.

"That he'll do something stupid and kill himself," I answered without delay, because it was my number one concern with him; because it had almost become reality.

"And that's a reasonable concern for anyone—only with Edward…" his voice deliberately drifted with emphasis.

"Yeah," I agreed, softly.

"Is it putting a strain on your relationship with him?"

"Everything is straining our relationship—if that's what you could even call what we have." My tone had turned brash. It frustrated me to feel so much insecurity in something I had so much invested in.

"Do you care to elaborate on that?"

"I … I just feel like I'm hanging in mid-air, and nothing's moving forward ... and Edward is just … Edward. He's so passionate, and I absolutely love that about him, but ... I don't know. I feel like I'm always on a knife's edge—just waiting for him to snap. I don't know what to expect from him sometimes, but I want to accept who he is. I don't want to feel like we're spiralling out of control all the time," I explained to him, beginning to feel more and more disheartened as I heard my own voice speak it aloud, while trying to stop the emotion of it from reflecting in my voice.

"Edward … doesn't control you, does he, Bella?" Garrett asked me with apprehension in his tone.

"H-how do you mean?"

"Does he tell you what you can and can't do? Does he become impatient and abusive towards you—emotionally abusive? Physically...?"

"No—of course he doesn't!" I replied emphatically, passionately—immediately offended. "He's not like that, and I would never tolerate that—ever again—from anyone!" And knowing I'd said more than what I had intended, I abruptly stopped.

"OK, Bella. Deep breath … calm down. Bloody hell ... between the two of you..." His tone turned soothing; though, remaining seemingly amused.

I took a breath, releasing my irritation along with it. "Why would you ask such a thing?" I conceded.

"Seriously?" he asked pausing. He sounded like he was puffing on a cigarette. "That kid looks at me like he could kill me—but in his defence, I've asked him some pretty personal questions—especially about you, my dear."

"Me?"

"Yes, you, my sweet. Edward—eventually, because it was like bleeding a sodding stone—told me about your past. In a kid like him, it was quite significant, and I think I have him figured out." He exhaled deeply into the receiver, and I wasn't sure whether he was waiting for me to answer or was blowing out cigarette smoke.

In truth I spent the next several moments cringing over the fact that someone else in this world knew the unfortunate truth of my past.

"Really?" I asked eventually, barely a whisper, and unsure to what I was really responding to.

"Really. At first I thought you were possibly the worst people on the planet for each other, but now I think it's the complete opposite." I heard him exhale again, and chuckle softly to himself, while I remained uncertain, and becoming more distracted.

"W-what made you think we were terrible for each other?" I asked, rubbing my brow, and refusing to get immersed in pessimism again.

"You both have so much issues from your past," he explained. "I initially thought the two of you together would be too destructive, and had led to some of Edward's actions, but now… Edward's completely consumed by his emotions, and from what his family has told me, in the past he avoided them—he replaced them with anger. The way I see it is, he reacts to you, the same way you no doubt react to him. You, Bella, who you are, your past—you force him to deal with things that he's long buried, and I suspect he brings the same out in you." He was being deliberately gentle and tactful, but it still stunned me silent.

I attempted to speak—to reply—to process it, but all that came out of my mouth was stuttering, and I wasn't sure I _could_ fully comprehend what he was saying.

Was it Edward who forced me to confront my past?

It was Edward—more than Nummi and Rach, and more than Kel—who made me believe I was more than my mother's daughter. It was Edward who gave me that sense of significance to finally put her behind me. And it was Edward who made me _feel_ it—not just believe it; to feel it to the very core of who I was. Physically, and emotionally I felt it whether I was with Edward or not, but I never understood the implications of it until now.

Every day, as I acted and reacted to Edward, he'd been healing me without me being aware of it; the more I was pulled into this connection with him, the further he was pulling me from Renee.

I was so used to living my life as a conjunction with Renee, but now, she was slowly being eroded out of my life as Edward became more and more prominent. We had our problems, yes, but I was experiencing those problems with my boyfriend, irrespective of my mother; of her poison and influence over my life.

And suddenly Jake's question was answered with a resounding _'yes'_.

Yes, Edward and I were going to make it, and I wanted to break down and sob, because to admit to it would finally destroy all the doubt and deception my mother had placed in my heart.

"You might not believe it, Miss Bella, but the two of you have won the relationship lottery. You are exactly what you both needed, so don't you worry about Edward," I heard Garrett say as I attempted to pull myself back from the brink of this new found revelation. "All he needed to do was open himself up enough to realise it, and he has."

"Huh?" I mumbled, before breaking into a strange sort of half sob, half laugh.

It was Edward who, on my first day of Forks High, made me realise that first revelation; that I was no longer going to be judged as Renee's daughter.

"You OK, sweetie?"

I laughed fully this time. "Edward calls me that."

He chuckled. "Listen, lovie, I'm going to put Edward on a communication blackout after tonight. He's going to hate me for it, but he needs to process everything. OK?"

"OK," I echoed, nodding. My mind was distracted, and my heart was racing, inundated and engulfed, and I started to understand that it had all been for a reason—everything between Edward and I. This journey that started in my past so long ago, with three friends who held me together, to one emotionally vulnerable boy who put me _back_ together.

* * *

I found a place to park the Jeep at the beginning of the Cullens' driveway, just before six on the evening of Emmett's graduation party, and the day Edward and Jazz arrived home. The entire drive was jam-packed with cars on both sides, and I could hear the music blaring before I even exited the car.

I was nervous, and jittery, but it wasn't from anticipation, and I wasn't entirely sure why.

I hadn't seen or spoken to Edward all day. He'd arrived home early that morning, and I wanted to let him sleep. Alice and I had planned on meeting him and Jazz at the airport, but the camp was rained in and their flight was delayed three times. In the end, he landed at Port Angeles at 4:30 in the morning, with Esme picking him up.

He'd sent me a message not long after.

**I'm home babe. I'm gonna crash, I'm shattered. C U tonight. Love you. **

Tucking the gifts I'd bought under my arm, and with my heart reacting to the nervous energy beginning to course through me, I set out down the drive—with Jake carrying Leah on his shoulders beside me.

Edward had extended an invitation to Jake and—at the time—Nessie. Jake had accepted; not because things with him and Edward were improving, but because being Emmett's party, _everyone_ was going.

_Everyone _in the literal sense, it seemed, because when we reached the front door, I almost ran straight into Jessica Stanley, who shoved past me with her hand clamped over her mouth.

"PUKE, PUKE, PUKE, PUKE!" Leah suddenly began chanting, as Jessica disappeared somewhere in the bushes.

"Ugh," I groaned beneath my breath, before turning back to the door and raising my hand to knock—just as it swung open.

"Bella Down Under!" Emmett exclaimed, suddenly reefing me off the ground, into his arms momentarily, before setting me down on the other side of the door.

"Hey, Emmett!' I had to practically yell to hear myself over the music. "This is for you." I held out his gift.

"Niiiiiice," he replied, taking it from me and shaking it roughly close to his ear. "Edith's in his room, bludging." He winked at me, before extending his hand to Jake.

Shaking my head lightly to myself, I made my way further into the house, fighting through the crowds, when I spotted Rose.

Throwing her a welcoming grin, she made her way over.

"How are you, Bella?" she asked—though I could barely hear her—bending down to kiss my cheek; all with her usual nonchalance.

"Good—I'm good."

She took a sip of her drink, her eyes breaking from me, seemingly on Emmett. "I like your dress. I'm too tall to pull off a kaftan…"

"Thanks," my eyes dropped to her outfit; she was wearing a white t-shirt with an hysterical-looking photo of Emmett printed on the front, "and I like your"—I broke into laughter before I could finish—"t-shirt."

She almost looked unimpressed, but for the small smirk that hinted on her lips. "Alice," she replied, or rather mouthed, over the blaring sound of the music.

Since it was exactly the same thing Alice had _suggested _I buy her, I wasn't surprised—not that I would have been, anyway.

Rose suddenly bent down to me again, explaining quickly in my ear, "Here she comes now. I'll see you later, Bella."

I had just enough time to nod and look around to anticipate her, when Alice almost literally pounced on me out of nowhere.

"Hey, girl—you're late," she exclaimed, hugging me impulsively.

"I had to park at the top of the road!" I explained, leaning close to her to practically shout in her ear while pulling her present out from the carry bag. "Happy birthday!"

It was a V-neck t-shirt almost identical to Rose's, only the photo printed on it was of her and Jazz kissing.

"Yay—I love it," she burst out after ripping the wrapping off, immediately yanking it over her dress. "Have you seen Jazzy?"

I shook my head. "No, but I saw _Jessica Stanley_." My voice restricted around her name—I couldn't help it.

"Oh, yeah—Rose and I poisoned her drink," she said with a devious smirk, before bursting into laughter.

Surprised for a moment, I eventually laughed with her, when Jazz was suddenly before her—clearly semi-drunk—his hands practically cupping her chest, before he plunged his ruddy face into her cleavage.

I whipped my head in the opposite direction, with the pretence of looking for Edward, when Alice reached out and grabbed my arm.

"Edward's waiting for you," she shouted, struggling to hold Jazz off, before she kissed her fingers and waved them to me, flashing me an affectionate grin. She said something else before she surrendered to Jazz, and was drowned out by the music, but it almost sounded like, "Wait until you see him."

I was so eager to see Edward, and as I made my way through the crowds and up the stairs, the urge to laugh over Alice quickly faded, and was replaced with the same overwhelming feeling I'd experienced since Garret's phone call.

Edward and I were going to make it. We were OK.

I knocked on his door quietly before I quickly opened it and stepped inside. He'd obviously just had a shower and was walking back into his room, buttoning a shirt over his semi-damp chest, when he looked up and caught my gaze.

My breath immediately caught, quickening when he broke into a warm, completely relaxed smile that quickly turned toothy. It reminded me so much of him that very first day at school back in March. He seemed so different back then, as if that person was a stranger now.

Was that who he always was—someone who had got lost in this odyssey with me, and was only just finding his way back?

Without a word spoken between us, I dropped the bag I was carrying to the carpeted floor, and took a step to meet him, just as he engulfed me in his arms.

He was just as warm as he ever was, and as I wrapped my arms tighter around his waist, I pressed my lips to his chest, inhaling in the scent of him—his damp skin, immersed with soap and aftershave—that immediately began to heighten every sense within me.

He didn't say anything, and I was just content to hang on to him, listening to him breathe—his heart beat—before stretching myself up, to run my hands around his neck and into his hair.

Which wasn't there…

My fingers were met with spikes, which stopped me short. I immediately pulled back, taken by complete surprise by what I saw.

"What happened to your hair?" I exclaimed.

It was so short! The back and sides were clipped, and the length of the top looked barely two inches.

"Oh," he said, his expression turning wry, as he withdrew his arm from around me to run his fingers back through the top of it—as if suddenly recalling, "Max cut a chunk of it off."

"Max…?" I prompted, running my fingers over his shortly cropped hair, and throwing him a feigned teasing pout.

"A kid from the camp—little shit," he scoffed to himself, a smile lighting up across his face, and broadening by my reaction.

He looked so different, but at the same time it made him so ridiculously appealing, that it felt as if it was poetic in a certain way.

The past cut away…

Okay, well that was corny, but it definitely seemed to be symbolic; the new Edward...

I sighed deeply, humming as I let it go, scrutinising him further, and deciding it was definitely a positive—despite it making him look slightly preppy. "It suits you—a little too much." I met his eyes, throwing him a shrewd grin.

He only chuckled softly through his nose, before drawing me against him again, and pressing his lips to the top of my head.

"You don't look like you any more," I mumbled against the cotton of his shirt, feeling suddenly wistful and sentimental. Maybe he _wasn't_ him any more, though. At least, the _him_ I always thought he was.

"You're not turning all sappy on me now, are you, butter cup?" he murmured, teasing me, his voice muffled against my hair.

I broke into a barely audible laugh, nudging him gently, before he released me, only to curve his palms to the sides of my face and close his mouth over mine.

He kissed me, repeatedly, but briefly, placing his torrid lips against every point of my face, lingering momentarily, before he rested his brow with mine. "Come sit down for a sec," he said to me almost breathlessly, before catching my hand and leading me to his bed.

I sat beside him, feeling sluggish and drunk; my hands resting against his legs.

"Baby…" he breached, after taking a deep breath, sounding apprehensive.

I gazed up at him; he looked almost lost and vulnerable. "Yeah?" I asked softly.

"Are we OK?" He was serious, his eyes canvassing mine.

"Of course we're OK," I replied adamantly, feeling my brow bunch.

"You'd tell me though—I mean, if you were feeling..." he abandoned it, his hand running to the back of his neck, breaking eye contact with me.

I took a weary breath, my hands smoothing down his shirt, before I slowly buttoned up what he'd left undone. "Edward ... I would tell you. I promise you I would," I assured him, quietly, "but there's nothing to tell."

He glanced back over to me, a sheepish smile inching across his face. "Garrett ... told me ... you were just hanging on—I don't know..." he mumbled, with a half shrug.

I scoffed to myself. "Most days I am—but never with you. With ... just everything in general, you know...?"

His smile turned warm, almost sad. He nodded. "I know."

I sighed again, shortly, before breaking into a knowing grin. "Are you going to be a big sook and make me tell you how crazy in love with you I am, and how much of a spunk you are?"

He laughed, the timbre of it gentle, before he dropped his face to the crook of my neck. "How much do you love me, cuppy cake?"

I groaned good-naturedly, struggling to distract myself from him suddenly. "_Edward…!_"

Continuing to muffle his laughter, his lips pressed to my collar bone, before trailing up, and pausing. "I missed you, baby cakes." He breathed, huskily, before raising his head and taking my lips with his.

"I missed ... you ... honey ... bear," I managed to utter, intermittently when he released my mouth, while beginning to lose my coherence.

Only a moment later, and just when I'd decided to completely abandon myself, Edward pulled out of it, with a resigned sounding groan.

"Okay," he sighed heavily, "show me what you bought me."

"All right," I mumbled, swaying slightly, and needing to brace myself against his chest to get to my feet.

"_Orrite_," he imitated me.

I shoved him playfully before I retrieved my handbag and the plastic bag, that was still lying by the door, and sat back beside him on the bed.

"OK, first…" I rummaged through my purse and pulled out my baby photo, handing it to him. "I owe you this."

He took it from me, studying it and breaking into a huge grin. "Well that's fucked up adorable," he said, going back to analysing it, before his eyes met with mine over the photo. "You had blue eyes when you were a baby?"

I grabbed it back from him, and propped it up against his bedside lamp. "It might have been the light," I mumbled, before pulling the wrapped canvas photo of us out of the plastic bag. When I turned to give it to him, he was holding the photo again, grinning to himself.

I only quirked an eyebrow at him. "Really, Edward?"

He put the photo in his breast pocket, before his eyes dropped to the wrapped package I was holding.

"Happy birthday, cheeseball," I said to him, my voice laced with teasing affection. Leaning in I kissed his temple, before dropping my lips to his ear. "Love you," I murmured.

He only continued to smile to himself, shaking his head a little, before he tore into the wrapping, which—using Alice's boxer shorts idea—had love hearts over it.

He paused when he first saw it, before holding it out before him and gazing at it.

"Do you like it?" I asked him, feeling suddenly uncertain.

"I like it," he answered, his tone softening. "Who took it?" His eyes didn't deviate from it.

"Rach—do you remember ... when she came to call us in for dinner?"

"Ahhhh ... yeah..." He nodded slowly in recollection, his smile turning tender—as though he was lost in thought.

"What…?" I nudged him, gently.

He turned to me, his eyes locking with mine. "Nothing… I love it, babe."

"Babe again," I mumbled to myself, breaking his gaze—to stop him from seeing how much he was compromising me—as I reached into the bag for his last present.

He only chuckled.

"This one ... is kinda corny, but anyway..." I admitted, feeling my face flame as I placed the smaller package in his hand, taking the canvas from him as I did.

He took a deliberate breath, groaning with it teasingly. "Always corny..."

When he opened it and saw the necklace, he only smiled more intently to himself, seeming almost amused again, before wrapping his arm around my shoulders.

"Thanks, babe." He kissed the side of my head, before removing his arm from around me to unclasp it.

I only grinned like a loon, convinced, for whatever reason, that he wouldn't like it.

"OK, I get the pen and the heart, but what does this wing mean?" he asked, his expression turning almost sly.

"It's an angel wing," I admitted, rubbing my brow and suddenly feeling exposed.

"Am I your angel?" He looked up at me, his expression cocky this time, as he put it around his neck and latched it.

I didn't say anything, I just threw him a feigned, cynical scowl.

"Am I...?" he pressed me, his tone turning husky, as his hand slid to the nape of my neck, guiding my mouth to his.

"You know you are..." I breathed out, semi against his lips, before grabbing his shirt in my fists and opening my mouth further to him.

His breath shot through his nose in a silent laugh, before he took me deeper and deeper; his hands becoming more adventurous, moving to my chest and inching under my dress...

And then he abruptly pulled out of it for a second time, leaving me completely intoxicated by him, and almost coming undone.

"I have something for you as well," he stated, before with a secretive grin growing on his lips, he jumped up from the bed and went to his closet. He rummaged around for a moment before he turned around, a wry expression suddenly contrasting his demeanour. "Wanna see what my pain in the ass sister bought me for our birthday?"

"OK…"

He held up a T-shirt with a photo of ... _me _on the front, this time.

"Oh God..." I groaned, splaying my fingers across my face and breaking into laughter.

"It's a part of a matching set. This one's for you," he elaborated, suddenly throwing a second white t-shirt into my lap.

I held it up; it had Edward's face on it, and written below was "Team Edward". I only scoffed to myself, shaking my head.

She must have bought them in bulk...

"I know hey—it's even cornier than you are," he teased me, laughing good-naturedly when I threw it back at him.

"Just so you know, if we wear those, we'll turn into Alice and Jazz."

"Oh, fuck me sideways," he muttered, visibly shuddering; his expression becoming so repulsed it was almost comical.

"We can try that later…" I teased him, chuckling softly to myself when he immediately tensed, his ears deepening.

He glanced at me for a moment, as if he didn't know who I was, before his expression turned devilish, his eyes darkening. "Oh, we can, can we?"

I only shrugged slowly and intentionally, deliberately flirting with him, when shaking his head to himself, his grin replacing his initial surprise, he turned back to his closet, throwing the shirts at the back of it, and bending down to pick something up.

When he turned back around, he was carrying a fairly large, rectangle shaped box, with pink and white wrapping around it.

"What's this…? I asked cynically when he placed it in my lap.

"Open it, cornball." His voice had turned gentle.

I only gazed at him, my brow quirked, as curiosity pushed through the warmth, before my eyes fell back to the box in front of me. Taking a breath, I pulled away the bow, and took off the lid.

And then I froze...

I literally stopped short, my breath drawing back sharply, before I brought my hand to cover my mouth.

It was my teddy bear...

My bear—exactly how I remembered him. It was as if I was seeing a ghost! A ghost from my past, here with me now.

I couldn't move, I couldn't speak; I only stared at it, completely awed and flabbergasted.

His bow-tie, his suspenders and little trousers, were all exactly as they once were—to the last detail.

It was as if he'd been here all along—as if he'd never been destroyed in the fire at all.

And before I realised it—before I could even properly react—the sobs were erupting out of me.

"Honey, don't cry..." I heard Edward's voice, gently, beside me.

I turned to him. "Edward ... how...?"

He smiled down at me, his expression tender and almost stricken, and becoming blurry behind my building tears. He brought his hand to cup my cheek, wiping my tears futilely away with his thumb. "I... Baby, I had to get him back for you."

I only stared at him, shaking my head back and forth slowly, overwhelmed suddenly by a flood of emotion that I had absolutely no way of processing just then. "I-I can't believe you did this..."

He pulled me closer to him, until his brow was grazing against mine. "Bella, I would do _anything _for you," he said, his voice tender and almost uncertain.

I closed my eyes, the tears spilling beneath them, my mouth curving into an immediate smile as I exhaled deeply. "You big sap," I teased him, gently—completely overwhelmed—before I lifted my head up and caught his mouth with mine.

Edward was way too constrained, and breaking away first, he placed his lips against my cheek, before he pulled back, took the teddy bear out of the box and held him out to me. "Is he the same as you remember?"

I nodded, wiping away my tears clumsily. "He's_ exactly _the same," I whispered.

Edward then nudged my face with the bear's nose, making a smooshy kissing sound.

He really was such a cheesball!

Chuckling softly, and inhaling back the threat of fresh tears, I took him from Edward, brought him back to my face and inhaled him in.

He felt the same—he even smelled the same. How could that be?

Closing my eyes, I held the bear against my lips for a moment, as projections of my past filtered through my mind; of the childhood I shared my teddy bear with, and the pain I felt when I lost him—a memory I had recoiled from, trying to shut it out, every day since.

Until now, because Edward had healed the very worst memory I had, and I was able to, finally and indefinitely, close that part of my life, and move forward.

Clutching the bear to my chest, I turned to Edward and threw my free arm around his neck, bringing him to me eagerly, roughly.

In the next moment we were kissing, heatedly, without reservation, which was our habit—and something I had never experienced in my life before Edward.

It was me who broke away this time, opening my mouth to speak, but needing to pause and catch my breath, as I rested my lips against the heated skin of Edward's face.

"Edward," I spoke, barely a whisper, locking my eyes with the acuteness of his, "ask me anything, because I won't say no."

Edward only reconnected my mouth with his, entering me, taking me deeper down with him, until all I could conceive was him; that burning intensity of him flooding my senses. "Stay with me tonight," he eventually uttered huskily, breathlessly, as he moved back a fraction to slide his nose to the other side of mine.

I only hummed my compliance against his lips, grabbing his shirt in my fists, needing his heated skin against mine.

"And every night after..." he added in a rustic murmur, as he laid me back on his bed, covering me completely in the uncompromising weight and surrender of his body.

* * *

Where there is love there is life – Gandhi.

**The end.**

* * *

**A/N: thank you to Drowning in Chaos, who was a large part of why this story was ever written.**

**The epilogue that I began to post, that was originally a part 2, was complete suckage as an epi and ridiculously too long, so I am going to repost it as a new story/follow-on.**

**God bless xoxox**


	54. Sequel

**A/N: Just adding a teaser for the sequel. Don't be mad. It's the school hols and I'm bored shitless. Seriously, I'm all written out—will someone please send me something to beta—anything! Oy vey. . . **

**And yeah, I changed my name. I'm fickle like that. Mr G is the very handsome fluff-o-matic in my avatar with the Remington Steel pose.**

* * *

**Trailer for Because of You****  
**

**8 years later.  
Bella's POV**

"Um, Alice … aren't these Marijuana plants?" I asked dubiously, glancing sideways at her, after she'd decided to show me her and Jazz's "business" venture.

"Cannabis," she corrected me, grinning to herself as though she found my reaction amusing.

"But won't you get … raided?' I asked, lowering my voice, aghast.

This time she openly laughed. "Bells, it's completely legal in Washington—besides, these are for medicinal use. These plants here are 100% CBD, no THC in them at all. You could smoke them all day long and never get high."

I only stared at her, blankly, lost for words; as usual having no idea what she was talking about.

"Jazz and I have created this awesome tea. Would you like to try it?" she asked after a moment of chuckling at my reaction. "It gives you such a good chill."

"Erm … do I want to be drugged…?" I asked sceptically.

"Good grief, Bella—not all Cannabis plants have a psychoactive ingredient in them. These plants right here, we grow for kids with Epilepsy," she explained, rolling her eyes at me this time.

I had to admit, Alice's tea actually did give me a really good "chill". After reassuring me a few hundred times that it wouldn't make me high, I drank it. It tasted rather vile, but afterward I felt incredibly mellow—as I suspected was her motive for giving it to me.

At around 7pm Jazz arrived home—he'd been in Seattle for something to do with their banking. It'd been five years since I'd last seen him, and he looked almost exactly the same—other than a slight maturity to his face.

"Bella—get over here," he greeted me enthusiastically.

"Hi, Jazz," I replied warmly, allowing him to pull me into his arms, before almost immediately drawing me back.

"You are so buff, girl—what have you been doing?"

"Erm…" I mumbled, immediately embarrassed, before Alice Answered on my behalf.

"She was dating Sam Uley for two years, babe—take a wild guess."

"Ahhh," Jazz replied in understanding, before with one arm around my shoulders and the other around Alice's we walked back inside for dinner.

It was then that he and Alice propositioned me—obviously taking advantage of my "chilled" and "mellowed" post Cannabis tea state.

"Bells … we—I was wondering, would you like to be my bridesmaid?" she asked hastily in the end, almost appearing to shy away from me.

"Uh…" I faltered, quickly making calculations in my head. Edward would be definitely going to this event—and would more than likely be a part of the bridal party.

Something Alice then rather delicately validated, "Edward is Jazz's best man, so he will be there…"

"I…" I continued to stammer, my heart beginning to pound at the very idea of it, when I suddenly became annoyed at myself. I could manage to face Edward. In fact, I'd go with my head held high.

"Don't worry, Bells—we're going to put him as far away from you as possible, and Jazz will tell him not to say a word to you," Alice Continued to reassure me, but only succeeded in making me feel as pathetic as I was.

"Oh, I'll keep him away from you," Jazz chimed in.

"Alice—don't be ridiculous!" I replied a little too sharply. "I'm not an infant. I can handle seeing him—and as if I would cause a scene at your wedding."

"So … is that a … yes?" she asked, a smile growing across her face in anticipation.

"Sure—yes," I conceded, with a small internal sigh.

"Great!" she squealed. "And you can bring someone along if you like."

"What date is it?" I asked, lowering my head and rubbing my brow arduously, not even bothering to hide my obvious body language from the two of them.

"Valentine's Day," she answered, and I looked up just in time to see her and Jazz glance at each other pointedly.

"How romantic," was my reply, and it was near impossible to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.

"I know," Alice said in agreement, not fooled by my response. "And to be honest it wasn't our choice to have it in winter, but the venue I really wanted for the reception—Thornewood Castle—was booked for two years, but then they called me with a cancellation. I had to take it"—I only nodded, in understanding as Alice continued to gush—"Plus it's so beautiful in the snow. I wanted to have the wedding in the English garden, but inside the castle is _gorgeous_. Wait until you see it, Bella!"

"It sounds lovely," I acknowledged as politely as I could manage, but I just couldn't share her enthusiasm. It's not that I hated weddings—Angela's had been beautiful—but the thought of Alice's was making me feel hostile—and slightly irrational. On top of this, I was suddenly exhausted. It might have been the fact that my heart was currently in overdrive, or because of the long drive I'd done earlier that day, or perhaps because Alice had drugged me with her weird herbal tea. Whatever it was, I was ready to drop.

"Okay, I might crash," I spoke up, when she and Jazz started getting touchy-feely in front of me. Five years later and they still had absolutely no decorum when it came to their affections in front of people.

"Come on, I'll take you," Alice offered, jumping up from the dining table and linking her arm through mine.

"Night, Jazz," I just managed to get out over my shoulder, before Alice practically skipped me into the hallway.

"Oh, wait—I should bring Buddy in," I said, becoming distracted, as I turned in the direction of the kitchen and back door again.

"It's cool. Jazz will bring him in when we go to bed," Alice reassured me, and as I turned back I bumped into a hallstand, almost knocking over a collection of framed photos.

As my hands quickly sprang out to steady them, my eyes immediately focused on one in particular, and without realising what I was doing I picked it up to inspect it closer.

It was Edward—a recent photo of him by the looks of it—standing with his arms crossed, while a tall, blonde woman clung to his shoulder. And while he stared straight ahead, a smirk half lit up across his face, she smiled directly up at him. It wasn't an intimate photo, and if I had to guess, her feelings were completely unrequited on Edward's part, but then Alice completely contradicted me.

"That's Edward ... and his fiancé, Kate," she explained, her voice softening and sounding apprehensive.

And right at that moment a piece of me died—which immediately rebounded as anger and bitterness.

"Let me guess—she works at Hooters?" I turned to Alice, my eyebrows raised high.

"Erm…" she squirmed, looking more and more uncomfortable, "she's an … exotic dancer."

I only scoffed, dryly—sarcastically. "Well, that makes sense. Edward was only ever good at being physical."

Alice didn't reply, and the silence soon became awkward. When I faced her she only smiled at me stiffly, immediately making me feel ashamed of myself.

**Edward's POV:**

I managed to get my hands beneath her shirt, pulling it up and over her head, where she had to push against me to allow me to get it completely off her, before I engulfed her back to me.

I was rough—I knew I was being rough—but my mind was lagging behind my body, with barely any rationality breaking through. It was all physical, it was all emotional and it was all-fucking-consuming that I was reacting on almost impulse alone.

Bella didn't seem concerned by it, but I was fast becoming conscious of the size of her in my arms. She was so much smaller than Kate—than any other girl I'd ever been with since her—but that had been deliberate, and now the contrast was blaring; making it all the more real, affecting me that little bit more.

This was Bella—gorgeous, teeny tiny—all of 159 centimeters of her—Bella.

I broke away and pulled back, almost forcefully, my chest heaving, my dick pounding, and almost fucking sobbing. I tried to talk but as I attempted to rein in my breath, I was stuttering, while suddenly fighting an all-encompassing emotion.

"Where … w-which … tell … m-me … bell-a… I-I…" I stammered, incoherently. I was crashing, the emotion was burning through me, and my brain had completely disconnected.

Jesus, had I forgotten to breathe? Whatever the hell it was, I was falling apart.

Bella only laughed, softly, breathily, before cupping her hand to the side of my face. "I know..." she whispered in complete understanding, bending closer to press her lips to the base of my neck before pulling back again to meet my eyes.

She was still trembling, but then she was standing before me topless, apart from a black satin bra.

Stepping on the stair alongside her, I encircled her in my arms and held her against me for a moment, becoming completely aware of what was happening to me. The fucking floodgates were opening, and everything I had tried to deny, everything I'd tried to suppress, over the last six years was pouring out.

And my fucking hands were shaking outside of my control.

"Christ..." I uttered, almost in disbelief, as I dragged them back through my hair.

Taking my hands in hers, she moved back, stepping further up on the stairs so she was on eye level with me, before pausing. "You're still exactly the same," she said softly, while an almost wistful smile broke across her face.

"Is … that a good thing?" I asked her, my voice wavering and almost failing. Fucking hell, I was exhausted all of a sudden, and all I wanted to do was to lay my head against her breast and abandon everything.

She nodded. "It's a good thing ... and"—her expression suddenly turned teasing—"are you _taller_?"

"Uh ... I'm not sure about that one," I answered, a grin forming across my face the more her smile turned all-knowing, until she was softly laughing.

"What…?" I queried, my lips twitching as I fought the urge to laugh along with her.

She released one of my hands to place her palm against her forehead, her eyes closing briefly. "It's just hard to get my head around." She shook her head to herself. "I mean, _yesterday_…" But she left it unspoken, and I understood her completely.

Again, I stepped up beside her, turning her against the wall. "Yesterday..." I began, my voice turning husky, "everything sucked because you weren't in my life."

She only stared up at me for a moment, her smile beginning to fade. "You always did have a way with words," she teased me, before her tone turned serious, "but yesterday did suck—it sucked a lot."

I brought my hand to her cheek, my knuckles grazing over her cool, soft skin, while my heart reacted to the very pain I had endured, suddenly reflecting in her eyes. "None of it—the last six years—meant _anything_ ... without you, Bella," I confessed, my voice choking over the words.

And for one endless moment I thought she was going to cry, and if she did it would fucking cripple me, but pulling herself back from the brink, she grabbed my shirt in both her fists and pulled me closer to her, her eyes fused to my chest. She only nodded as she quite obviously fought her emotions, before she stretched on her toes, trying to close the height difference between us and not even coming close. "Cheeseball," she teased me again, her voice softly catching, while her eyes, locking with mine again, were freaking eternal.


End file.
